If you were in a long-term relationship with your ex (longer than 6 months) and your ex has left you for someone else, your ex essentially monkey-branched from one relationship to the next.
He or she left you for someone new and unknown and now wants to make it work with that person.
Before you go knocking on your ex’s doors and asking for another chance, you need to collect your thoughts and remind yourself that your ex chose to leave for someone else.
He or she left due to high attraction and temptations and won’t come back until his or her new relationship fails. I’m not saying your ex will come back for sure, but your ex will have to date that person and experience life without you.
That’s the only way your ex will be able to compare life before to life after and see if he or she has made a mistake.
I know you’re in a lot of pain right now, but you should do your best to avoid making the typical post-breakup mistakes. Your ex thinks that you’re not the right person to commit to at this moment, so you don’t want to annoy your ex and validate his or her reasons for leaving.
You need to keep your pride instead and show your ex that his or her betrayal doesn’t affect you. Remain strong even if you’ve already made some breakup mistakes and are struggling to cope with separation anxiety.
So if your ex left you for someone else and you’re wondering what you should do, don’t do what your heart tells you to do. Do that which is best for your image and try to prove to others, but mostly to yourself that you’ll be okay with or without your ex.
My ex left me for someone else. What do I need to know?
When your ex leaves you for someone else, it’s rarely a spontaneous decision. Dumpers tend to develop feelings before they decide to monkey-branch and leave their ex behind. They take their sweet time and make sure that the new person makes them feel good and excited.
This is why it’s safe to say that your ex’s new boyfriend or girlfriend had been in the picture for days, if not for weeks prior to the breakup.
He or she had probably been talking to your ex and getting to know your ex way before your ex was even your ex. Maybe your ex even told you that you have “nothing to worry about” and that you’re just being jealous and overly cautious, but that would imply that your ex was either deceiving you or clueless as to what he or she was doing.
No matter what happened, your ex had been conversing with this new person (possibly behind your back) and emotionally cheated on you. That’s something you must take seriously. You must think about it so that you don’t jump back into a relationship with your ex if/when you get a chance to do so.
Ask yourself whether your ex is even worth the wait and trouble—and if you can trust him or her again. Think about the pain your ex will make you feel if your ex breaks your heart again and leaves again.
One separation was probably enough because your ex doesn’t deserve your trust. At least not before he or she has earned your trust back.
So while you’re processing the breakup, try not to obsess over your ex’s good points and focus on the bad ones instead. If you give it enough thought, you’ll soon detach and see that your ex isn’t the person you thought he or she was.
Whether you like it or not, your ex is a cheater. And not all cheaters deserve a second chance. This is something the rules of no contact may help you understand better. I suggest that you follow them down to the t so you can keep your hope for the reconciliation low and your self-esteem high.
Your ex devalued you and left for someone else
When your ex left you for someone else, he or she no longer loved you. Your ex felt more attracted to the other person and decided to give that person a shot.
If your ex cared about your feelings, your ex would have at the very least ended your relationship and waited a few months before getting involved with other people. But, unfortunately, your ex felt no shame. Or at least not enough guilt and shame to do the morally right thing – which was to give you the respect you deserved.
Your relationship may not have been the most fulfilling relationship in the world, but at least you remained loyal till the very end. For that alone, you deserved to be broken up with like a decent human being and be given closure. But instead, your ex acted on limerence and didn’t think how his or her actions would affect you.
This means that your ex had all the chances in the world to pull back when your ex felt that he or she was starting to develop feelings for someone else.
But your ex chose not to do anything about it. Instead, your ex just went along with it until temptations got out of control and grew from cravings for attention to cravings for affection.
With that being said, here’s why your ex left you for someone else.
So if your ex left you for someone else, don’t sugarcoat the situation. Remember that your ex betrayed you in one of the worst ways possible and that you need to judge your ex for the way your ex is, not was. Think hard about your ex’s relationship mentality and whether you can work with a person like your ex.
Heck, you should probably even ponder about whether you want to be your ex’s friend when all of this is over.
Your ex had enough time to think about leaving you
People don’t make an immediate decision to start dating someone new right away. Especially not when the new person is a complete stranger they know nothing about. They need to know the man or woman at least a bit so they can form an emotional connection with him or her and start dating that person.
That’s why when an ex breaks up with you out of the blue, it’s evident that your ex has already gotten to know the new person. Your ex has attraction, feelings, and chemistry with the new person and isn’t thinking about you anymore.
Your ex is too busy enjoying the moment and planning a future without you in it.
Keep in mind that your ex would never kick you to the curb if your ex wasn’t 100% sure that he or she could date this new person.
Normally, by the time an ex breaks things off, he or she is already officially in a new relationship. It’s called monkey-branching from one romantic relationship to the next—and it’s something only people with poor impulse control and low moral values do.
You need to know that your ex has basically emotionally checked out of your relationship without telling you, and probably even exchanged flirtatious messages with this new person.
Such a person is a low-integrity coward. He or she showed you what he or she does when the relationship gets old and temptations become enticing and difficult to resist.
Always remember that your ex’s actions depict his or her personality. They show who your ex is as a person and most likely who your ex is going to be in the future.
Don’t mind the things your ex told you throughout the relationship. Your ex may have promised you the world, but your ex did that only because he or she felt good. Now that your ex is with someone else, your ex is probably doing the same to that new person.
It’s called love-bombing.
When your ex leaves you for someone else, you can be certain that your ex has thought about leaving you long and hard. But just because your ex contemplated leaving you for a while, this doesn’t mean that your ex has made a rational decision. People, especially cheaters tend to make emotional decisions.
It’s the emotions or the lack thereof that enable them to disconnect from their partners and connect with someone else. Emotions whether they admit it or not rule their decisions and actions (make them do stupid things). You need to understand that so you don’t think your ex is a one in a million kind of unicorn.
If your ex cheated and left you for someone else, your ex is just a regular pony. Actually, that would be an insult to ponies. Your ex is an emotion-driven mule.
Your ex disrespected you
If your ex left you for someone else, you feel deeply hurt, sad, and angry. You feel as if your ex has thrown everything away just to get a chance with a random person.
No matter how hurt and angry you are for trusting someone like that, do your best not to get so angry to take revenge on your ex. Revenge may not make you a cheater, but it won’t make you much better than your ex.
You must instead ask yourself, “Do I really want someone like my ex as my significant other? Is my ex the best I can find and deserve?”
If the answer is yes, you must not beg and plead with your ex. Begging will fall on deaf ears and cause your ex to respect you even less.
You need to understand that your ex holds all the cards right now and that the only thing left for you to do is to accept the breakup and leave your ex alone.
It’s okay if you feel lost and disorientated. You’re a human being with emotions after all.
It’s also okay if you tell your ex that you don’t want to be friends and that you are going to leave his or her life for a while.
But no matter what you do and don’t do, please understand that it’s never okay to call your ex names or to get revenge on your ex.
Retaliating in a nasty way will make you as bad as your ex. Maybe even worse.
When you learn that your ex has left you for someone else, you need to cut your ex off as soon as possible. The sooner you put an end to your ex’s breadcrumbing and confusing behavior, the sooner you’ll regain the sanity and identity your ex has destroyed.
Just make sure to treat your ex better than he or she has treated you. That will disassociate you from your ex and later (when you’re over your ex) give you the satisfaction of knowing that you handled the breakup better than your ex.
Right now, it probably feels like the new person is better than you and that you’re not good enough for your ex, but that’s not the case. It’s the other way around because your ex is a cheater and doesn’t deserve you.
The best thing you can do is to go indefinite no contact and be prepared to stay in no contact forever. You probably don’t want to leave your ex alone forever because you’re afraid of never hearing from your ex again, but that’s all you can do right now.
No contact is the only technique that will rebuild your self-esteem and hopefully make your ex realize your worth.
So if maximizing your chances of reconciliation is what you’re after, leave your ex alone and focus on yourself. Do this even if you’re extremely anxious and want to stay friends with your ex. As long as you’re hurting, your priority needs to be your health. You can be friends later – once you’ve healed.
Should I stay in no contact for 30 days?
You’ve probably visited blogs that promote the 30-day no contact rule. The idea behind those sites is that you must disappear for 30 days and then message your ex with positive reminders from the past. Nostalgic messages are supposed to hit your ex’s weak points and force him or her to come running.
Some ex-back coaches claim that 30 days is enough time for your ex to stop resenting you/improve his or her perceptions of you and consider coming back.
But the truth is that breaking no contact after 30 days will only push your ex further away. It will show that you feel threatened and that you can’t handle being on your own.
That’s why 30 of no contact is not enough for your ex to miss you and want to be with you again. It’s just something the internet has come up with to prey on the broken-hearted.
So avoid additional heartbreak and stay in no contact longer than that. Stay in it as long as you’re hurt and depend on your ex for recognition.
Stay in no contact!
You must be prepared to start no contact and stay in it until your ex reaches out and expresses a wish to get back with you. That’s when you can talk to your ex again and see if it’s possible to grow strong together.
But until that happens, you just can’t reach out to your ex first. You can’t disrupt your ex’s space and your own healing process.
This is especially true if your ex left you for someone else and disrespected you beyond belief. When your ex leaves you for someone else, you need to take a giant step backward and assess your situation.
You need to understand that your ex stopped seeing a future with you and that your ex needs to learn his or her lessons the hard way – by dating someone else and failing with him or her.
So as difficult as the breakup has been for you, don’t try to reach out ahead of time – while your ex is still discovering whether the grass is greener on the other side.
Contacting your ex prematurely will send your ex a message that you’re still extremely attached and that he or she can take the time to see what else is out there.
This is why you need to maintain no contact at all costs. No contact is difficult and can feel like it’s dragging on forever, but if you don’t take it seriously, your ex won’t take you seriously either. Your ex will see your weaknesses and might even take advantage of them.
Your ex had cheated on you, so you know that your ex is capable of a lot of things.
That’s why you now need to focus on healing and demonstrating that you will not allow your ex or anyone else for that matter to treat you in such a disrespectful way ever again. You need to show that you’re stronger than you used to be and that you understand your worth better than ever before.
Do you really want your ex back?
You now know that when your ex leaves you for someone else, your value significantly drops. You become just an ex whom your ex couldn’t grow stronger with. You become someone your ex wants to leave behind and forget about.
But that’s okay!
Your ex isn’t the only person in the world you can be happy with. On the contrary, there are millions of people you can be happier with. You just need to detach a bit for rationality to return to you. That’s when you’ll see that your ex’s opinion of you doesn’t define you.
Your own perception of yourself is all that matters. And you need to work on it so you can accept the breakup, get out of denial, and fall back in love with yourself. If you don’t fall in love with yourself, you can’t expect your ex to love you or even like you.
Your ex will treat you no better than you treat yourself. That’s the way this world works.
Have you ever heard of the phrase, “How you treat yourself, others will treat you?” I bet you have. It means that when you don’t value yourself, your ex won’t value you either. Your ex will think he or she has made the right decision and that it’s time to move forward with life.
But that’s why no contact is so effective. It shuts your ex out of your life and makes you mysterious. Mystery makes your ex wonder about you and might eventually cause your ex to reach out. You need to stay strong until your ex’s new relationship gets old and/or boring and starts facing issues because that’s when your ex will compare the two relationships and ponder about you in a better light.
I know it can be excruciatingly painful to feel so replaced by this new person and that you’re probably thinking to yourself things like, “He is so much better than me, he has a better job, a nicer car, and is more outgoing.”
You’re either thinking that this person is better—or perhaps the opposite – that he or she is worse and that he or she can’t even compare to you. These kinds of thoughts occur because you feel confused and threatened and want to be the only person who receives your ex’s affection.
If this is what you’re hoping for, know that it’s “normal” to crave what this new person has. You used to get love on a daily basis, so you’re still withdrawing from it. Whatever you do, don’t compare yourself to this new person, though.
You have absolutely nothing to gain by comparing yourself to someone who’s not even competing with you.
You need to realize that what you see and hear about your ex’s new partner is mostly superficial. It takes 4 – 6 months for them to get to know each other. That’s how long it will take them to see if they’re compatible and if it’s worth pursuing their relationship.
Of course, they could prolong their relationship even if they’re not good for each other as some couples do that. But that’s why you must stay away from them and mind your own business. You just don’t know what’s going on with their relationship, and you don’t need to know.
But let me assure you that if a shiny car and a great job were all it took to stay happily married, there would be no divorces. People would be able to make their relationships work simply by wanting to make them work. But that’s not how it works.
New couples appear new only while they’re new.
When they get to know each other, they see each other’s bad points and see a more realistic picture. They see that the person they’re dating isn’t perfect and that they have some adjustments to make. If they can and are willing to make those adjustments, they make it past the infatuation phase and fall in love.
And if they can’t, they hit a roadblock and become at risk of breaking up.
Will my ex rebound and want me back?
If you were a nice person, didn’t argue much, and contributed to your ex’s happiness, chances are that your ex will realize he or she has made a grave mistake and come back.
Just because your ex left you for someone else, doesn’t mean that the same or something worse can’t happen to your ex.
As a matter of fact, your ex could get dumped, hurt, and come running back for validation and all the reasons you can think of. The only problem with this is that your ex may not return because of love and regret. Your ex could come back just to patch his or her wounds and take what he or she can from you.
The reason for that is that dumpers are often too selfish and caught up in their own world to reflect. They need to go through something very painful and self-esteem-breaking to lower their pride and change their ways.
So if your ex has left you for someone else, keep in mind that your ex must learn to forgive you as well as himself or herself. Your ex must understand that cheating says bad things about a person and come back to reassure you it will never happen again.
Bear in mind that an ex who wants you back would not control the reconciliation. He or she would happily let you take charge and follow your instructions. It’s important that you stay in control for a while after getting back together so your ex doesn’t take you for granted and leaves when an opportunity presents itself.
Why do dumpers come back?
Dumpers sometimes come back. But as we’ve mentioned earlier, they often come back for the wrong reasons – for themselves.
Some exes come back when their rebound relationship fails horribly and others when they get treated badly by their new partners and life in general and want a familiar and reassuring shoulder to lean on.
That’s when they come running back, apologizing, and asking for another chance. You need to be prepared for that so you don’t accept your ex back on the spot.
Even though your ex may finally see your worth and be ready to treat you the way he or she needed to treat you months or years ago, you need to keep in mind that your ex may just be acting on anxiety and doesn’t really want you for who you are.
Your ex may just need you to lower pain and anxiety and make himself or herself feel better.
It’s safe to say that dumpers simply don’t return because they’re happy with their new lives. They come back because they’re suffering and want the suffering to end.
The best person who can help them with that is their dumpee ex. He or she has been the last person to help them, so all they have to do is pick up their phone and say they’re sorry. That’s how they can distract themselves and get over the issues life threw at them.
So if your ex left you for someone else, bear in mind that your ex might one day come running back to you because you were the only person who cared about your ex as selflessly as possible. You were the man or woman who stayed committed until your ex took you for granted, cheated on you, and broke your heart.
One thing you need to remember though is that when your ex broke up with you, your ex was nowhere to be seen. He or she was enjoying his or her life without you and was busy dating that new person. That means that when/if your ex wants you back, you need to take things slow and let your ex prove his or her worth.
You mustn’t take your ex back as if nothing happened otherwise nothing will change. Your ex will remain the same behavior-wise and could cheat on you or leave you for someone again.
If you think about dumpers’ behavior, you’ll understand that exes always come back to take from the relationship. They want to feel safe and reassured like they did in the past.
Your job as a dumpee is to make your ex work extra hard for your trust so that he or she learns to appreciate you again and invest in you.
When your ex leaves you for someone else and comes back later, you must show incredibly high self-esteem by setting new rules and standards.
Set your conditions so high that the dumper is going to feel that failing to reach your expectations could lead to romantic rejection and pain.
How do I get back with an ex who’s left me for someone else?
I deliberately left the best for one of the last points, because I know most people want their ex to come back at least to validate them. They want to know that their ex finds them worthy of love and that they aren’t bad romantic partners and people.
So without further ado, if you’re wondering how to make your ex want you back after he or she has left you for someone else, the answer is don’t seek validation.
When you don’t seek validation from your ex and remain strong and confident, you can make your ex doubt his or her decision for leaving you. You can make your ex think that you don’t need him or her to be happy and that you’ve got what it takes to deal with the breakup blues.
This on its own won’t bring your ex back, of course, but it will make your ex respect you. It will make your ex see that you’re in control of your life and that you’re focusing on yourself.
And how will that help you?
It will prevent your ex from destroying your worth in his or her eyes and enable your ex to crave intimacy again. But for your ex to want intimacy, your ex’s new relationship will have to fail first. When it does, your ex could want someone strong, confident, and reliable near him or her for support.
So if you’re trying to make yourself look better in front of your ex’s new partner, forget it. You’ll never look better because your ex is likely going through the love phase with that person and can’t see your worth. Your ex will see your worth when your life is going well and your ex’s isn’t.
You should also not strive to make your ex feel guilty and ashamed. Such emotions won’t make your ex come back. They’ll force your ex to run away and enable your ex to attach even worse emotions to your persona.
So if your ex cheated on you and left you for another person, bear in mind that your ex is going through the 6 stages of a rebound relationship.
Because your ex thinks that someone new is better suited for him or her, you don’t have a choice right now but to accept the breakup and stay far away from your ex. If anything makes your ex want to be with you again, it’s space, peace, and quiet.
No contact is powerful
When you follow no contact, you indirectly show that you care about yourself more than your ex and that you won’t give your ex a hard time just because he or she treated you poorly.
You show that your life is more important than your ex and that life goes on with or without your ex.
If you don’t do no contact and stay in touch, your ex will think that he or she can get back with you any time and every time. Your ex will assume that you want him or her back and that all he or she has to do is snap his or her fingers.
Call it deceitful if you will, but your ex must not think that you still want him or her back. Dumpers don’t want what they can have. They secretly want to fight for something they can’t have or really want to have. And so does your ex. Right now, your ex is fighting for the new relationship because that relationship makes him or her feel good.
It distracts your ex, empowers your ex, and most importantly, makes your ex’s happy hormones go crazy.
But as time goes on, your ex will stop feeling elated and reach a more calm, neutral stage of a new relationship. That’s when your ex’s relationship will go through the make it or break it phase.
What if I don’t want my ex back anymore?
Even if months go by, you’ll probably still want your ex back. A few months are not enough for you to get over your ex and not want your ex’s validation anymore. Most dumpees get over the breakup about 8 months or so after the breakup.
This depends on the intensity, length, and complexity of the relationship.
But time in no contact will either help you detach completely and find someone better or if you can’t find someone better, keep your ex as an option.
Since breakups are so hard they could kill you, you will likely want your ex to validate you and come back.
You will crave your ex’s love and attention so that you can get a boost of happy hormones and feel secure and happy with yourself again.
This means that your ex-addiction is likely going to stay present for quite some time.
And if so much time goes by that you realize you don’t want your ex back anymore because your ex has treated you terribly, then it’s probably for the best.
Leaving an ex who treated you poorly behind takes courage and is the right thing to do.
Invest in yourself
Now you know that there is nothing you can do directly to get back with an ex who’s left you for another person. You can’t beg, threaten, play jealousy games, and talk to your ex’s family to get another chance.
This doesn’t, however, mean that there is no work to be done.
There is always something to work on in no contact. Whether it’s correcting your shortcomings, making new friends, getting a better job, participating in more activities, or doing something that moves your life in a positive direction, you must stay busy.
This post-breakup time certainly isn’t the time to stay still and wait for things to change. By all means, grieve and do what it takes to get back on your feet. But once you deal with the shock of the breakup, start living your life again.
Staying active will return your strength and make you feel glad to be alive.
So always remember to stay busy. That way, you’ll get over your ex as quickly as possible and maximize your chances of reconciliation.
Did your ex leave you for someone else? How did your ex do it? Let us know below the post.
And if you want to talk to us about it privately, sign up for coaching with us here.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
Thank you for responding! Your reply contains valuable feedback that really helps, and it is very much appreciated. I’m going to reread this daily to keep my brain “refreshed” on the reality of this situation, lol.
Hi Juleigh.
I hope it helps, and that your situation improves as well!
Sincerely,
Zan
I was dumped by my boyfriend after being together over 5 years. He said we were not compatible anymore, and that he had met someone else that he has more in common with. He broke up with me and is now dating her. I HATE that I am sitting here feeling sick and he’s out with this new woman having a good time! This pain is unbearable. Don’t know how I am going to get thru this.
Hi Juleigh.
Basically, he cheated on you (emotionally and/or physically) and lost feelings for you due to the desire to feel validated by the new person. Rest assured that he won’t be happy forever. At the moment, he’s in the infatuation phase and thinks his new parner is flawless. But eventually, he’ll get to know her (and she him). That’s when they’ll start having encountering issues.
Also, if he cares about his conscience, he’ll consider himself a cheater and struggle to accept his actions and behavior.
Hang in there!
Zan
No that I’m thinking a bit more clearly did I make a mistake?
I told her to contact me when she is ready to do so.
Should i let her know don’t contact me, im going to start dating other woman, or does it not really matter, and I should just focus on starting no contact?
Hi Marc.
What’s done is done. You can always ask for space when/if she reaches out.
Sincerely,
Zan
Yeah she unblocked me, we met up to talk, started kissing and all that.
But she’s far more interested in playing on dating apps at this time,she won’t give me any of my things back and she wants to hold on to them for some odd reason.
She has things she’s angry about that happened in our relationship that she’s trying to work through as well.
I told her last night I’m not speaking to her for awhile.
I think me going silent, and living my life for awhile would be best, because she honestly needs to get her shit together.
Hi Marc.
She’s on a dating app because she feels ready to connect with someone else. At the moment, she hasn’t been able to find a replacement for you yet. She wants to hold on to you until she has.
No contact is long overdue as she’s unwilling to let go of the past. You must cut her off and distance yourself from her problems.
Kind regards,
Zan
To add a bit of background, I’m 35 and my girlfriend is 48.
When we met, she was coming out of a divorce of 25 years and I was coming out of a relationship of my own of 2 years.
We met and immediately connected, we’re only talking a bit as friends at work, but when I left for a new job we got together, we had a very strong connection to each other, and basically spent almost every day together, sharing a lot of love and great memories together, we met each other families and friends, and the relationship was basically perfect. Are relationships had no fighting, we really got along as lovers and friends, we really enjoyed being together.
We get to May 2024, and she starts pulling away from me talking about she was confused and needed space of course I an idiot. I didn’t give her space I stayed in her life and we continue to date and see each other. Just not most as much.
We get over to June, things are going we’re seeing each other but not as much, but when we do it’s amazing. Then we get to July and she hints at being curious about other men and not sure if she wants to act on it, saying she never really dated and go married very young, of course that doesn’t sit well with me, so of course throughout that month there’s mini arguments, but we continue talking every day, sharing intimate moments and caring for each other a lot.
Then we get here to august, last Friday we go on what looks to be our final date, the date goes perfectly there’s a lot of emotions and connection, I wake up the next morning to a break up text, of course like a fool again I immediately start calling her.
She tells me that she’s been emotional and didn’t sleep at all after the date, she then tells me that she got on a dating app and has been talking to other men since Monday of that week.
Of course I’m upset, we argue and talk, she then hangs up, of course I blow up her phone, she tells me she still cares about me, im angry we don’t really speak again, just text, I continue calling her trying to talk, she then blocks my number, and also turns off her Facebook.
She unblocks me, I call her and she tells me that she cares about but she needs to start dating and I need to move on, of course I’m upset and she reblocks me and doesn’t speak to me the rest of that Saturday.
So I text her on instagram, of course we’re talking and arguing a little bit, but also trying to talk it’s weird, she then tells me that she wants to start dating and we’re over and she’s felt alone since May even though we were clearly together , I let her know I’m pretty devastated, I was nothing but loving and supportive to here throughout all of our struggles and never stepped out on her.
She responds to me on instagram on the following Monday, that for now she will only speak to me on instagram for now, she said she has no interest in blocking me and wants to unblock me when she feels I am silent.
I once again let her know that I’m hurt like and feel like a fool, I feel unappreciated and my value was lowered, she then tells me she is removing the instagram app from for now, because the messages are really hurting her and she never wanted to hurt me, but will bring it back up at some point and re-communicate with me.
She told me she knows I’m a great man and was nothing but good to her, that was on Monday.
So the following weekend, I happen to accidentally see her on a date with another person they didn’t see me, but it definitely looking like a first date, I was devastated.
I sent her message, that evening on another app she uses, but of course I was ignored, im embarrassed and ashamed this happen to me.
At this point I’m full on in no contact, since she jumped dating this person straight away, that tells me this was going on for awhile atleast talking to this person.
I’m going to try my best to focus on myself even though I’m hurting tremendously, if this experiment of hers fails she’ll like start speaking to me then.
Hi Marc.
Even if you left her alone, it wouldn’t have stopped her from seeing other men. This woman really wanted to date other people. It’s not that something was wrong with you, but that she wasn’t ready to settle down. She wanted to see what else was out there. If you went no contact immediately, you wouldn’t have gotten blocked and ignored. But other than that, nothing would have changed. When a person wants to explore other options, she’s taken you for granted and lost love for you. You have to let her go.
And if she comes back, remember that she didn’t value you before and that she has to work super hard on gaining your trust back.
Best,
Zan
Hi Zan,
My ex dumped me 6 weeks ago and we have been NC since. It’s torture. We were together 8 years and were planning on buying a house together soon. Initially the relationship was amazing, neither of us had ever felt the way we did (had both been married before) We both had trust issues but things were finally getting better. I helped in every way I could and always put her first, now she is in an amazing place, financially, career, she has everything.
She told me she had met someone else out of the blue and had been seeing them for 2 weeks, that she still had feelings for me but didn’t love me anymore and she was going NC with me from that moment. I reached out to ask to talk the next day but she said no. She hasn’t contacted me since and I haven’t contacted her. Shes carried on seeing the new guy, doing all the things we planned with him and appears to be very happy, it’s like I never existed!
I can’t believe I’ve been so heartlessly discarded and she has just walked away with someone else, not caring or being upset at all. She hasn’t blocked me on any SM but we have no contact or mutual connections.
I’m struggling to know what to do. I want her back, but I can’t even contact her
Hi Jack.
I’m sorry she discarded you like that. She developed feelings for someone else and left you for him as soon as she knew he was open to dating her. That tells you a lot about her. It shows she values her feelings more than her morals and commitment to you. You went through a lot as a couple and supported her for nearly a decade, so she really did you dirty.
You must stay in no contact, Jack. She’ll have to give this guy a chance and see how it goes. If he’s not a good match, she could have an epiphany and run back to you for love and safety. Don’t keep your hopes up, though. Consider it a possibility and keep moving forward.
Hang in there!
Zan