A 30-day no-contact rule is a period of time during which you “ignore” your ex-partner. I don’t like the word ignore. Instead, I should say you refuse to make contact with your ex.
No-contact rule is essential when it comes to getting back with your ex. The time away from your ex heals a few wounds and erases some of the negative memories associated with your persona. It also makes your ex miss you as a person and the way you contributed to his or her life. By going no-contact, you avoid making post-breakup mistakes which can otherwise push your ex off the face of Earth.
The psychology behind the no-contact rule is to allow your ex to process the breakup and reach out when he or she is ready—and not the other way around. For that to happen, you must distance yourself from your ex and allow the rules of psychology to have an effect on your ex.
If you end up reaching out, you could see an angry side of your ex you never knew was there. Instead of infuriating your ex, focus on yourself and your own well-being.
The 30-day no-contact rule means no:
- calling or texting
- showing up at your ex’s place
- talking about him or her around your mutual friends
- social media engagement at all (Facebook, Snapchat, Twitter, Instagram…)
- doing anything that shows interest in his or her life
“What happens if I slip up during the 30-day no-contact rule and reach out?“
You reopen your wound and suffer from the separation anxiety all over again.
Moreover, it doesn’t give your ex the time to miss you so you need to start all over again.
In this article, we’ll talk about the psychology behind the 30-day no contact rule.
When does it work?
The 30-day no-contact rule works in most cases when the breakup was a spontaneous decision and the couple broke up due to an argument in the heat of the moment.
In such cases, the one who initiated the breakup (dumper) eventually starts regretting his decision because he misses the dumpee. Eventually, he or she can’t handle it anymore and reaches out. This will normally happen within the first 3 weeks after the breakup.
Anything after that could mean one of the following things.
- The dumper is one stubborn son of a ***** and you shouldn’t want to be with this person anyway.
- Your ex is trying to move on.
What does it mean when your ex reaches out?
Your ex could say something like:
- I miss you
- how’s the dog doing?
- did you find my toothbrush?
- I hope we can be friends
In case your ex reaches out first, you politely tell him or her that you want to focus on moving on.
Unless he tells you that he wants to get back together, you must stay away, and give the love and attention to yourself. The 30-day no-contact rule is meant for you to properly move on with your life without the constant reminders of your ex.
“Okay, so what does it actually mean?”
In most cases, your ex is just testing the waters. He’s wondering if you still love him/her, what you’re up to, who you’re hanging out with, etc.
These messages don’t signify any desire to get back together. Because of that, they can be replied to nonchalantly.
You only want to take the next step when your ex specifically says:
- I was wrong about the breakup
- I want to get back together
- I’m so sorry, I now realize what I lost
What does it mean when your ex doesn’t reach out?
This can depend on the reason he or she left. If it was for someone else or your ex found someone new shortly after, then your ex probably won’t keep in touch with you during the 30-day no-contact period.
If your ex is in a rebound relationship, I would say it could take him until the day he realizes his or her new fling isn’t so great (1-4 months) to reach out.
Any more than that would probably mean your ex’s new relationship is somewhat stable and he or she doesn’t miss you enough to get in touch with you. When that relationship does come to an end, your ex will likely seek out people that can give him or her comfort (that’s you).
On the other hand, if your relationship ended on bad terms and our ex is still single and doesn’t reach out, then perhaps you need to wait longer for his or her regret phase to kick in.
This could take a long time. If it takes longer than 9 months, then simply let it go. Erase your ex out of existence because he or she doesn’t deserve the attention you are prepared to give to this person.
The 30-day no-contact rule doesn’t work when the dumper has simply had enough and wants to quit.
Respect his/her wishes and give your ex plenty more time and not just a month. By giving your ex space you risk him or her moving on and finding someone else.
Unfortunately, there is no other way around this. People have free will and will do whatever they think is best for them. Remember, you cannot cry your way back into your ex’s heart.
It’s been 30 days and your ex hasn’t reached out
First of all, you haven’t healed completely yet because you are still pining over your ex. You have got to think about your own well-being and extend the 30-day no contact period. Only this time, it’s permanently.
Your ex just doesn’t want to get back together with you at the moment. You have got to respect that and find happiness in life without him or her.
As things are, your ex is too preoccupied with other people and events. To be honest, he or she was just an addition to your life, not a replacement in the first place. I’m not saying you should lose hope forever, but don’t put your whole life on hold because of it either.
30-day no contact rule is just a myth
After extensively researching this topic, I can guarantee that 30 days to get your ex back is nothing but a myth, devised by the cunnings breakup experts.
Everybody processes the breakup differently—and 30 days is usually not even close to getting an ex back. This gimmick is not based on any psychological theory, hence why it should be dismissed completely.
On the positive note, you will undeniably feel much better after 30 days of no contact. You might even feel so good you won’t dare to break it and regress mentally.
The odds of getting back together with your ex will be significantly higher if you can showcase the change in your evolution. Strive to become that person he always wanted you to be—and do it for yourself.
Instead of counting down your days, do the Indefinite no-contact rule instead.
Let me know what you think of the 30-day no-contact rule in the comments below. Has it worked for you or are you still following it?