If your ex dumped you and you’re thinking of making your ex jealous in order to get your ex to care about you again, making your ex jealous is probably not going to work the way you hope it will. It’s likely going to backfire on you as the person you dated detached from you a long time ago.
He or she found better things to focus on and stopped caring about you romantically. Your ex probably doesn’t even want to see any reminders of you and just wants to be left alone to feel relieved and elated in peace.
So even if your ex cried for hours during the breakup, said he/she still loved you, and isn’t dating anyone yet, bear in mind that jealousy games won’t have the kind of effect on your ex that you think they will. Instead of making your ex realize your worth, they’ll tell your ex that you’re being manipulative and that you’re dating someone new because you lack the strength to be on your own.
Although jealousy is a very powerful emotion and can make a person do insecure things in a relationship, it’s completely ineffective and counterproductive when your partner loses feelings and becomes your ex. You would think your ex wants you to beg and plead and chase like a leopard, but your ex likely wants you to date someone so that he or she doesn’t have to feel bad for breaking your heart and hurting you.
A dumper who cares about your well-being wants you to be happy with another person and may even wish you the best of luck in your new relationship. And that could make you realize that your plan to get your ex back has failed and that your ex’s lack of love and interest has hurt you badly.
The only way jealousy games could work is if your ex still loves you and intends to come back in the near future (not someday in the future). But in that case, making your ex jealous by pretending to be happy with someone else would be a complete waste of effort, time, and dignity.
You’d be playing dirty tricks with your ex by hoping your ex notices how valuable you are to other people. You may not admit this, but by trying to make your ex jealous, you’d intend to hurt your ex on purpose just for him or her to realize what he or she has lost.
Think about that for a minute. Would you want your ex to come back just because other people find you attractive? Wouldn’t that mean that your ex can appreciate you only when he or she feels threatened?
That’s for you to decide. But if you ask me, a person should always be afraid of losing you a little bit, not just when someone else enters the picture. People who become afraid of losing their (ex)partner only when someone else makes them feel insecure are very inconsistent with their gratitude and are at big risk of falling out of love and leaving the relationship when they feel unhappy or unfulfilled in the relationship.
If your ex comes back after getting jealous, you need to know that your ex could leave again very soon. He or she could realize that jealousy isn’t love, but an insecure feeling that fades away once a person acquires reassurance.
And when your ex feels secure and no longer needs reassurance, your ex could once again perceive you in the same way as before and lose feelings again. That’s when your ex could leave again and hurt you for the second time.
In this article, we’re going to talk about whether you should make your ex jealous by pretending that you’re having the time of your life with someone new.
Is it possible to make my ex jealous?
From what I see, most dumpers don’t exude any signs of jealousy. They’re over their ex and are looking forward to new romantic opportunities with other people.
Some dumpers even tell their dumpee that they’re dating again and that they want to see their ex happy with someone who can give their ex more love and care than they could.
The reason they say this is that they believe they’re giving their ex moral support. They think they’re doing their ex a service when in reality, they’re hurting their dumpee’s feelings and showing him or her how quickly they’d moved on.
In a way, they’re hoping that their ex will be okay with them dating so quickly, so they say encouraging things friends would normally say.
Things like:
- I want you to be happy again
- I care about you a lot
- I want you to meet someone who loves you for you
- I want to be at your wedding
- Don’t forget that I’ll always love you
If you’re thinking about whether it’s possible to make your ex jealous after a breakup, you should know that making your ex jealous is not a good idea. It might be possible to surprise your ex and perhaps even shock your ex, but it’s unlikely that it will bring your ex’s feelings back and make your ex come running.
This depends on:
- whether it’s a fake-up and/or your ex intends to return
- how emotionally invested/detached your ex is
- how long ago the breakup occurred
- how insecure, unhappy, or immature your ex is
- whether your ex’s new single/romantic life is going the way your ex had envisioned
No matter how easily your ex gets jealous, making your ex jealous on purpose is not going to make your ex realize your good personality traits. It’s also not going to motivate your ex to work on himself/herself and invest in parts of the relationship that your ex took for granted.
If it does work, all it’s going to do is make your ex come crying back for validation purposes – an ego boost.
And once the desperation (the necessity to relieve anxiety) disappears, chances are that your ex will have forgotten about the reasons for coming back. Your ex will likely revert to his/her pre-breakup self and treat the relationship the same way as before.
As a result, your ex’s unchanged thinking and behavioral patterns that brought upon the separation are going to put pressure on the relationship and cause the same relationship issues.
The intention behind this article isn’t to scare you away from dating your ex again as some ex-couples who get back together work on their shortcomings and relationship skills and deepen their love for each other.
But I do suggest that you need to identify the reason behind your ex’s return before you accept your ex back. If you learn your ex has come back because of jealousy, boredom, depression, and even guilt, your ex may not come back for the right reasons. Your ex may return for selfish purposes that will wane with time and create the same results as before.
Try to keep in mind that people don’t change for meaningless reasons. They change when they feel that maturing is necessary for their relationships and well-being. So if you’re thinking of making your ex jealous by dating or pretending to date someone else, know that jealousy isn’t something you should try to make your ex feel.
You should try to make your ex come back by being the person you are. It’s how you attracted your ex in the first place.
On that note, please keep in mind that there’s a huge difference between an ex coming back for love and coming back for jealousy reasons.
Allow me to clarify my statement with a picture.
How will my ex realize my worth?
Don’t worry about making your ex jealous. Don’t worry about making your ex jealous when your ex has a new girlfriend or boyfriend. And don’t worry about making your ex jealous by showing off and portraying yourself in a way that is better than the people with whom your ex associates.
Games, jealousy tricks, and push-pull manipulation techniques aren’t going to work on a mature grown-up who’s given up on you and is too emotionally exhausted to play games with you.
In fact, they’re going to achieve quite the opposite.
They’ll give your ex another reason to stay away from you and perhaps even force your ex to block you on Whatsapp, Facebook, or whichever social media/communication platform you’re trying to make your ex jealous on.
You have to understand that your ex knows who you are and how you behave. Your ex spent months or years of time with you and won’t fall for inauthentic behavior. Your ex won’t do it because it will feel strange.
So before you Google, “How to make your ex jealous on social media or in person,” remember that the right way to get your ex back is to make him or her come to you. That’s the only way your ex will realize your value and return to invest in you.
Any other manipulation tactic will just pressure, guilt-trip, or annoy your ex and make your ex lose respect for you.
It can feel tempting to prove your worth to your ex (I know I’ve been there myself), but whether your ex is single or dating someone else, you mustn’t play dirty. Not only would that be immoral and manipulative, but it’d also be a big waste of time.
You must always remember that your ex will return if he or she wants to return. It won’t make any difference if you get involved and try to make your ex come back by making your ex jealous.
How will my ex realize my worth if I don’t make my ex jealous?
The answer to this question is in the question itself.
You not acting crazy and making various self-destructive post-breakup mistakes is what could bring your ex back once life hands your ex lemons and forces your ex to see that you’ve kept your cool ever since the breakup. But to leave a good impression on your ex, you’ll have to control your impulses and exude self-respect, confidence, self-esteem, and other positive traits that make you desirable.
Making your ex jealous after the breakup isn’t one of them. Neither is staying in contact, stalking your ex, sending your ex gifts and love letters, and asking your friends to update you on your ex’s whereabouts and the people he or she is seeing.
Such mistakes are going to turn your ex off and burn all bridges. They’re going to make your ex run so far away from you that you won’t even see your ex’s dust anymore. What you need very badly is to learn to let go of control. Learn to let go of hope and the desire to change your ex’s feelings.
When you do that, you won’t obsessively think about your ex every day and look for strategies that hurt your ex and make you look more attractive than you are. When you leave your ex alone, your ex will get space and time to process the breakup.
That doesn’t guarantee that your ex will want you back, but it does increase the chances of your ex respecting you and becoming curious/nostalgic.
Don’t make your ex jealous! Make your ex envious!
Now that you know that you can’t make your smothered ex love you again by making him or her jealous, let’s discuss a similar emotion that can have a positive effect on your ex.
That emotion is called envy—and here’s Google’s definition of it. “A feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else’s possessions, qualities, or luck.”
Luck aside, envy is the emotion you’re looking for if you’re interested in attracting your ex back.
It’s the emotion that makes an ex:
- Discontented (gives your ex the incentive to make life better).
- Long a trait, possession, or skill belonging to you (inspires your ex to crave something your ex doesn’t have).
- Respect the things that could increase your ex’s value (stable income, healthy/social lifestyle, and a strong/confident partner to rely on).
Using envy to get your ex back is the most respectable way to get your ex back. That’s because it doesn’t focus on your ex. It focuses on increasing your own worth as a person. And that’s what makes you attractive.
It gives your life purpose and lets your ex see that you’re not waiting for him or her to come back.
Some of the things you can to do better yourself and make your ex envy you are:
- Improve your bad behavioral patterns
- get fit, increase your intelligence, and set some healthy goals
- get a job that you enjoy
- find passion in life
- make more friends
- learn new skills
- upgrade your wardrobe
- find inner peace
- get over the breakup
Frankly put, your ex won’t care about these things any time soon. But if your ex’s expectations go up in a blaze, your ex could start checking up on you online or in person and respect you more. Eventually, your ex could get so curious that he or she decides to reach out and set up a date with you.
That’s when you can finally showcase all your changes and the things that have been keeping you busy since the breakup.
So while your ex is still enjoying life without you, don’t interfere with your ex’s relief. Don’t play jealousy games or anything you wouldn’t want someone you dumped to do to you. Deep inside, you know you wouldn’t care if someone you lost feelings for started dating again and flaunting the new person.
You’d probably be relieved that he or she finally left you alone.
Did you want to make your ex jealous? How did you want to go about it? Share your ideas and experiences below the post.
And if you’re not yet sold on avoiding jealousy games and want to talk to us about it, check out our coaching options here.
I was just recently blocked on social media, and I made a lot of mistakes right after the break-up. I was the one who broke up with her and now all I feel is regret. Reading this article has shown me that making my ex jealous is not a good thing. I just want my ex and I to date again, but I know that I can’t force my ex to do that. It has to happen naturally and may take some time. I just wish it was easier mentally but I’m trying to focus on things that I enjoy doing. Thanks for hearing me out and what I have to say.
Hi Ryan.
If you’ve broken up with your ex and regretted it afterward, all you can do is apologize for leaving and ask for another chance. Once you’ve done that, the ball is in your ex’s court. You mustn’t beg for another chance because it will make you look desperate (unattractive) and show her you don’t respect her decisions and feelings.
Keep moving on and focusing on yourself.
Sincerely,
Zan
I don’t like manipulation tactics. Unfortunately there are some break-up “coaches” that teach that sort of thing. Things look grim for me right now in getting my ex back. She recently unfriended me on Facebook, though she hasn’t blocked me so I guess that’s something. But my ex is a smart girl. She would smell any manipulation tactics a mile away. And if I ever tried to make her jealous then I would have zero chance of her ever getting back together with me.
Don’t do it. If it’s been months and you’re truly over her, and you’re ready to date again, that’s one thing. But don’t date someone else if you hope to get your ex back at some point to make them jealous. It will likely blow up in your face. And it’s not fair to your date either. I know in my case it will likely be months before I even think about dating anyone else again. It would likely be that long before I’d hear from my ex if she ever does reach out to me.
And yes, you can do things to make her envious (or the fear of missing out we’ve heard about). But with that don’t overkill. Make it natural. You still have to be careful that you don’t post stuff about it just to get to your ex, my ex would smell that a mile away as well. I post things every few days, nothing over the top. Now since my ex isn’t a friend anymore she can’t see it herself, but I’m still FB friends with her sister (for the moment) and a couple of her friends, and I’m not blocking anybody so if she wants to know what I’m doing she has ways to find out. I am trying to do these things for me first. My break-up made me realize I put too much on my ex to fulfill significant parts of my life, and that’s not fair to her. If we ever reunite, in addition to dealing with my clinginess, I want her to know I have other things going on in my life now as well. My ex isn’t the kind of person that wants constant attention.
I just wish I found all this stuff a few months ago.
Hi Damian.
You’ve learned a lot since the breakup. Although you could probably have avoided some mistakes, you didn’t make the worst mistakes out there. Regarding jealousy, you’re spot on. It wouldn’t be fair to use your date as a means of making your ex jealous. It’s immoral and unlikely to work.
Thanks for the comment, Damian!
Zan
I forgot to metion, that actually once upon a time, I was the dumper, in an 1year relationship.
This person at the time, didnt begg, didn’t came back crying for another try. I felt curious about this xD. The thing is… 1 week after our breakup he was already dating another girl, who I actually met, and was kinda part of the college group. This made me completely forget about him. I didn’t felt betrayed, I just felt pity, which is worst.
Months later he started to aproach some friends of mine, trying to reconnect with me… too late. I was dating another guy, who is now, my current ex. When this happened I was sure he made that, in a revenge attempt. Pity again…
So yeah… It doenst work guys
Thanks for the comment, Isabel.
Jealousy doesn’t work on a detached person. It works on person who still has feelings for you.
Best regards,
Zan
Hi Zan,
This article is really important. I’m not the kind of person who would think about this kind of revenge, so i dont realate to this situation. But for those who thhought about this in any moment, this is a precious read.
Thank you Zan, i really like your vision, and its really helping me to go through this. Im getting my power back, day by day =)
Hi Isabel.
I’m happy to hear that you didn’t resort to taking revenge on your ex. Thanks to your healthy mindset, you’re not just regaining your power, but also shaping yourself into a person you want to be.
Thanks for the comment!
Zan
This article it’s so important and inspirational…I never wanted to play those games. I had enough from my breakup and idk how I know that this wouldn’t be the way.
But now with this article I’m seeing this even more :))
The answer of everything it’s to remain in indefinite no contact (thank you for mentioning it in every article) and maybe ex will realize your our value on his or her own.
Okay ‘envy’ its good because it’s all about us
The best as you said it’s to “focus strongly on becoming the person you aspire to be.”
Thank you million times for those articles and help ❤️
Hi Linda.
Thanks for the comment.
As you know, playing mind games with an ex is pointless. It doesn’t hurt an ex, it hurts you and those who respect you. As dumpees, we may as well focus on more meaningful things that help us grow and be content with who we are.
Best regards,
Zan