When Your Ex Starts Dating Right Away

When your ex starts dating right away or soon after the breakup, your ex’s actions have a lot to say about your ex’s personality. They indicate that your ex has been planning the breakup for a while and that your ex has been looking for a strong incentive to finally pull the trigger.

Since your ex questioned your ability to make your ex happy, something very relationship-damaging started happening in your ex’s mind.

Your ex started experiencing the grass is greener syndrome and entertaining the idea that you weren’t his or her ideal partner. You were someone your ex was meant to be with only temporarily until he or she got bored and found someone more entertaining to be with.

Due to your ex’s poor relationship mindset, the positive aspect of your relationship, therefore, soon lost its value. All that mattered to your ex were the negative things your ex focused on. That’s why your ex established the idea that you weren’t good for him or her and that it was okay to be happy with someone else.

Your ex needed to put himself or herself first and finally be happy. So your ex did just that. He or she developed some new beliefs. The biggest one was that your ex could do better.

At that point, you were still unaware of the fact that your ex was thinking about dating someone else and that your ex was with one foot out the door already.

All your ex needed to break up with you was for someone to ask him or her out—or for you to make one final mistake and push him or her over the edge.

Eventually, one of these two things happened and caused your ex to give up completely.

That’s when your ex started feeling repulsed by you and thinking it was okay to start dating someone right away. There was no shame in doing that because happiness comes first, right? Quotes on Facebook and Internet say so, at least.

So if your ex started dating right away and you want to know why, stick around. This article will explain what’s happening to your ex after the breakup.

When your ex starts dating right away

By the time the breakup ensued, your ex had already detached.

He or she felt tired and unhappy, so your ex became open to new romantic opportunities that would distract your ex from the “awful” past and make your ex happier and energized.

Your ex likely first considered dating his or her exes, people who confessed their feelings in the past, and even those who appeared to be a huge downgrade. Perhaps your ex even signed up for dating websites and tried to move on as quickly as possible.

You probably don’t know what your ex did.

But the point is that it didn’t take long before your ex found someone who expressed an interest in dating your ex. Nowadays, it’s ridiculously easy to find someone to date.

Because of dating apps like Tinder and other easy ways to connect with people, your ex was able to quickly arrange a date and sweep his or her emotions and personal shortcomings under the rug. By doing so, your ex dodged every valuable lesson your ex was supposed to learn from the breakup and focused on dating.

Rather than learning more about relationships and breakup emotions as well as improving his or her shortcomings, your ex just followed his or her heart and instincts. This means that your ex chose to run away from problems and put the blame on you.

Your ex didn’t want to be held accountable, so your ex decided to try his or her luck with someone new.

You must understand that if your ex didn’t feel victimized that your ex would still be with you today. Your ex wouldn’t need to date other people because your ex would understand that he or she has things to work on.

Dumpers are selfish

Since your ex felt smothered and unhappy, your ex associated a lot of unhealthy emotions with you. Your ex was certain that you made him/her feel those emotions even though it was your ex who developed unhealthy perceptions and emotions that destroyed the relationship.

I’m not saying you were perfect, but you can’t blame yourself for someone’s negative feelings and perceptions. Your ex was responsible for maintaining his or her opinion of you and love for you. If your ex stopped maintaining them, that had almost nothing to do with what you were like as a person.

It had everything to do with your ex’s ability to handle negativity and resolve it before it got out of control. Your ex needed to understand that every person is responsible for his or her thoughts and emotions. Other people may affect them, but as long as the relationship is healthy, there’s no need to focus on the negative aspect of the relationship.

People who do that fall out of love and/or develop resentments.

So bear in mind that your ex wasn’t very self-aware of what was going on inside him/her. Your ex was just reacting to positive and negative emotions and eventually got overwhelmed by them. This happens when a person lacks the skills and willpower to express negative emotions and solve problems.

Now that your ex is dating someone else, though, you can’t expect your ex to become a self-aware problem-solver. You can expect your ex to remain the same because people don’t change easily. They need a strong reason to change. And they tend to find this strong reason when they get wounded badly and realize that they need to change or they’ll continue to experience the same issues and suffer.

Different person, same story

When your ex starts dating someone else right away, your ex ignores the lessons he or she was supposed to learn from the relationship.

We’re not talking just about realizing what your ex could have done better in the romantic relationship with you. We’re also talking about improving relationship skills and shortcomings. And that’s something that takes a lot of time and effort.

Self-improvement comes in many stages. It starts with the realization that a person has things to work on (often caused by pain), followed by motivation or desperation to change those things, and finally, a lot of hard work, time, and perseverance.

It’s absurd to expect your ex to change without a goal or desire. Your ex can’t change by chance. It’s impossible because there is no such thing as random growth.

Simply realizing what he or she has done wrong won’t improve your ex’s behavior, and neither will jumping straight into the next relationship. Your ex could avoid some personality clashes with this new person, but other than that, old thinking and behavioral patterns will remain. They’ll show up when your ex stops feeling infatuated with the new person and stops pretending to be someone he or she is not.

So if you’re afraid that your ex will have a much better relationship with the new person, rest assured that merely changing romantic partners won’t make a big difference. Couples argue, bicker, and face various disagreements because they lack maturity, impulse control, and various relationship skills.

They don’t change a zilch if they don’t want to change and make the effort to change.

You see, people don’t automatically improve their flaws when they start dating someone new. This is because their relationship starts with the infatuation phase (happiness and validation), which kills their motivation.

Why did my ex start dating right away?

When your ex starts dating right away, your ex does that for a few possible reasons.

The most reasonable explanation is that your ex is over you and wants to get to know another person as soon as possible. That person could make your ex feel loved and give your ex the kinds of feelings he or she had been craving in the relationship with you.

This, of course, doesn’t have anything to do with how attractive you are and what you were like as a romantic partner. Even though your self-esteem is trying to make you doubt your worth, don’t let it. Remember that your ex dating someone new right away shows that your ex is in a hurry to date and that your ex is probably a bit afraid of being alone.

Your ex needs to be in a relationship because relationships boost your ex’s self-esteem and give your ex someone to confide in.

As long as your ex receives validation, support, and various relationship benefits from the new person, your ex will be more than satisfied in a relationship with this new person. He or she will appear happy and might make you feel jealous of the person he or she posts on social media.

But when your ex encounters problems and/or gets dumped, your ex will once again need someone to rely on. That person could be you or someone he or she got to know before. That’s when your ex will likely repeat the same cycle as before, which entails looking for someone new to connect with and once again neglect the need to reflect and grow.

People who start dating someone new right away tend to do that repeatedly. It’s not a one-time thing for them because their emotional needs stay the same after every breakup. The only time they change is when they willingly work on them and/or feel forced to work on them.

Here’s a picture explaining why your ex started dating someone new right away.

Your ex lacks a lot of self-love

When your ex starts dating right away and skips introspection, your ex immediately sets himself or herself up for failure regardless of whether he or she stays with the new person. That’s because your ex misses out on breakup lessons that would allow your ex to become the best version of himself or herself.

Dating another person so soon indeed makes your ex feel accepted and loved. But just because your ex found someone new to love and to be loved by, that doesn’t mean that your ex will improve his or her self-love and behavior.

Sure, people mature a bit with age and time, but not a whole lot. You probably know someone who at the age of 50 still acts immature or lacks self-control and other important values. That person hasn’t found an opportunity to grow yet. He or she had been living life by reacting to stressors and problems rather than responding to them.

So keep in mind that real change doesn’t happen with age but rather when people:

1. Want to improve.
2. Need to improve.

Those are the only two ways for growth to happen. It’s sad that the second way motivates people way more often and creates better results than the first one. But that’s because a need to grow doesn’t feel good and forces people to change something about themselves.

For people to want to improve, however, they usually need to encounter a need to improve first. They need to go through some unpleasant experience that makes them self-aware and capable of changing without external pressures.

I’m telling you this so you know that it may still be too early for your ex to change willingly. It’s much, much more likely that something unpleasant will have to happen to your ex first. Something that forces your ex to develop self-awareness and stop relying on other people for self-love and recognition.

Your ex lacks validation

The reason why your ex started dating someone new so quickly most likely has something to do with the length of your relationship. If it’s been a while since your ex felt how falling in love feels, your ex probably wants to experience that love phase again.

Your ex wants to feel validated and empowered by it so that your ex can feel important and strong enough to handle life matters confidently and securely.

This new person can now give your ex everything your ex needs for a while. There won’t be many issues or arguing because everything will be new and exciting. They will just focus on love and continue to feel the butterflies without a worry in the world.

We could say that the new person is your ex’s savior. He or she will distract your ex for a while and show your ex that relationships aren’t supposed to be so difficult.

In reality, though, all relationships have ups and downs. They have challenges, problems, occasional disagreements, and sometimes even temptations to cheat. It’s how couples respond to these difficulties that determines whether couples are ready for a serious romantic relationship or if they still need to work on themselves for a while.

If you ask me, all couples should take a bit of a break when their long-term relationship ends. Even if it’s a short-term relationship, they should still try to figure out what went wrong so they can improve the things they need to improve and have more successful relationships afterward.

Self-esteem

Your ex could also start dating someone immediately after you to boost his or her ego and self-esteem. These two things could make your ex rely on another person for basic human needs such as personal security and self-acceptance.

If that’s what your ex is doing, your ex needs a lot of care, reassurance, and affection. If your ex doesn’t get them from the new person, it could cause problems in their new relationship.

Jealousy, possessiveness, and controlling behavior are just some of the problems they could face.

So bear in mind that an ex who needs a person to be happy doesn’t feel content on his or her own. That person needs someone else to feel secure, fulfilled, and strong to deal with the problems life throws at him/her.

The problem is that a person like that requires someone with a lot of energy and understanding. An ordinary person likely won’t understand why your ex is unhappy and will feel exhausted.

So if you’re wondering why your ex started dating right away without taking the time to process the breakup, here’s an infographic that will explain why.

Taking responsibility

It goes without saying that the breakup was inevitable. Something needed to change because you, your ex, or both weren’t as happy as you needed to be to make the relationship work. Or if you were happy, you needed to work together and improve your thinking patterns, set some new goals, and practice gratitude.

That’s why if you’re blaming yourself for the breakup, you need to stop. Your ex is just as responsible for the breakup as you. I suppose the problem is that your ex doesn’t agree with this statement. If your ex agreed, your ex would have taken a break from dating to work on personal flaws. But instead, your ex rushed into a relationship with someone else and made it seem like you were solely responsible for the breakup.

Whatever you do, don’t think that your ex’s actions show you have the most work to do. All they show is that your ex got tired of the relationship and that he or she has no plans to spend his or her post-breakup time and energy thinking about the breakup.

Your ex wants to focus on the future instead.

And that’s okay. Your ex doesn’t have to change anything if he or she doesn’t want to. Your ex can just ignore old problems and run into the same or similar problems in the future. That will be karma for your ex and perhaps even your revenge if you still care.

Your ex will have a tough road ahead

When your ex starts seeing someone else immediately after the breakup, know that your ex keeps old relationship skills and applies them to the new relationship. By doing so, your ex gets the same results only with a different person.

But your ex doesn’t know that right now. Your ex still thinks that you’re responsible for the breakup and that someone new will make a perfect boyfriend or girlfriend.

And for a while, that will probably be true. Your ex will be very excited to start a romantic relationship with someone he or she can start fresh with.

It will probably take your ex months to realize that the new relationship isn’t perfect and that it will require a lot of work just like any other relationship.

This will force your ex to open his or her eyes and see things more clearly. If your ex doesn’t resent you or think you’re a bad person, your ex may even compare the new person to you. It all depends on the quality of your ex’s new relationship and your ex’s happiness in it.

Your ex doesn’t know what he or she did

Since your ex felt emotionally drained from the miserable end of the last relationship, your ex didn’t feel that he or she was rushing into another relationship. Your ex was over you, so your ex saw the new person as a great opportunity and a solution to his or her unhappiness.

Your ex truly believed that this new person would make him or her feel as great as you once did. That’s why your ex acted very quickly and decisively and hoped to once again feel the sparks – the butterflies in the stomach from the newness of a new romantic relationship.

Little did your ex know that the love phase is just a phase. It passes very quickly and leaves couples with nothing but their relationship skills and commitment to keep the relationship going.

If couples have these skills or if they’re mature enough to develop them while they’re together, they can keep the relationship going even after the love phase has ended.

But if they have very little motivation and lack the skills to maintain the relationship, then they usually give up on it. They don’t have what it takes to overcome issues and stay in love when they can no longer rely on butterflies for commitment.

So bear in mind that your ex is going through new relationship stages and that your ex will likely look like he or she is on top of the world for a while. Your ex will do that for two reasons.

1. Because your ex will feel good.
2. Because your ex will want to share it with others.

When emotions wane, your ex will turn into the same old person that you used to know.

My ex started dating someone else the next day

When your ex starts dating someone else the next day or literally the moment he or she breaks up with you, it’s highly likely that your ex had been seeing this person behind your back and cheated on you.

It may not have been physical cheating, but your ex probably communicated with other people whilst he or she was still in a relationship with you.

At first, it was just fun and games as your ex didn’t intend to cheat on you. He or she just fancied other people’s attention.

But as time went on, your ex slowly—little by little got to know the new person and even developed feelings for him or her. That’s when your ex quickly lost feelings for you and left you to be with this person.

Your ex monkey-branched straight to another person and made you wonder what you did wrong.

You have to keep in mind that many people develop emotional connections with someone else while they’re still with their partners. Very few of them, however, state that they’re in a relationship right away. They tend to wait a few months before they make it official on their social profiles. That’s how they avoid criticism from their ex as well as friends and family.

Your ex won’t admit it

Although your ex probably denied your accusations, there’s a decent chance that your ex cheated on you. People tend to leave relationships because they met someone else or because they want to meet someone else. They don’t take the time to “fix themselves” or to “just focus on themselves.”

Those are just excuses dumpers make to get their exes off their backs and do what they want.

So do keep in mind that there’s a big possibility that your ex at least emotionally cheated on you before your ex left. The cheating may have increased your ex’s feelings for the new person and made it easier for your ex to choose who to be with.

After some thinking, your ex knew that he or she needed to make a choice. Your ex could either stay in a relationship that didn’t feel very exciting anymore or move into a relationship with someone new who made him or her feel wanted again.

It likely wasn’t easy to make a decision, but your ex had to do something to get out of the pickle he or she got himself or herself into. That’s why your ex ended up listening to his/her heart rather than morals and chose the person he or she could have a fresh start with.

It’s disrespectful

When your ex starts dating right after the relationship, your ex treats you like you don’t exist. He or she completely disregards your feelings and everything you went through as a couple.

All that matters to your ex is his or her well-being and the new relationship. If your ex cared about you and had sympathy for you, your ex wouldn’t have disrespected you like this. Your ex would have shown you that the relationship mattered and that you deserve respect even now that you aren’t together.

But since your ex leaped from one relationship straight to the next, it’s probably an understatement to say that your ex doesn’t value you very much. The most important thing to your ex is that your ex is happy and that you leave him or her alone.

You need to do just that because someone who leaves you, let alone starts dating someone else right away doesn’t deserve you. He or she is not your friend and probably shouldn’t be. It’s up to you if you want to be friends with an ex like that once you’ve healed.

Self-prioritize

Since your ex took you for granted and left you to fend for yourself, you now don’t have any choice but to deal with the breakup on your own. The easiest way for you to do that is to start following the indefinite no contact rule and stay in it for as long as you’re hurt and emotionally dependent on your ex for recognition.

The indefinite no contact rule will show your ex that you know your worth and that you’re not going to chase someone who broke up with you. Especially not now that your ex is dating someone else already because you deserve better than that.

It won’t be easy to stay away from your ex and move on because you’ll be comparing yourself to your ex’s new partner like crazy. But you have to keep in mind that you can’t reason with your ex and win him or her back by degrading yourself.

If you still want your ex back, you’ll have to wait for your ex to come to you. That’s the only way your ex will respect you and want to contact you.

What to say to my ex who started dating someone else right away?

You don’t have to say anything to an ex who started dating someone else right away. There’s no need to do that because a strong reaction from you will show that you’re very disappointed with your ex and that you still want to get back with him or her.

Instead, try to remain level-headed and tell your ex that you understand and accept the breakup. Say that you’ll need some time to yourself and that you’ll appreciate it if he or she doesn’t reach out.

This will prove that you’re in control of your life and that you don’t feel inferior to your ex’s new dating partner. It’s best for everyone that you avoid blaming or guilt-tripping your ex as you don’t want your ex to react strongly either.

You want him or her to see that you’ll be alright and that you’ll focus on moving on. And that will make you look as strong and attractive as you can be and allow your ex to contact you if things go south in his or her new relationship.

Did your ex start dating right away? What did your ex tell you on the day of the breakup? Leave your comment below.

And if you’d like to talk about your ex dating again with us, check out our breakup coaching options here.