My Ex Is Dating Someone Else Already And It Hurts

My heart goes out to anyone who is still in love with their ex but their ex is already dating someone else. I know how much it hurts to see the person you love date someone else before you’ve had the chance to move on properly.

Dumpers often start dating again not too long after the breakup so chances are, you are going to feel insignificant when it happens.

Since it can take over 8 months to get over your ex so he or she will likely date someone else during that time span.

If your ex hasn’t started dating another person yet, please prepare yourself in advance. Practice acceptance and forgiveness so that if you find out one day, you won’t lose your mind.

My ex is dating someone else already and it hurts

Why is my ex dating someone else already?

If you’re recovering and your ex is dating someone else already, you’re probably thinking why on Earth he or she would start dating so quickly.

You’re probably dying to know answers to questions, such as, “Did I mean anything to this person? Does my ex have no shame? Why would my ex give up so quickly and start dating someone else?

You’re only human for doubting your ex’s true intentions. Let me assure you that if the roles were reversed and you did exactly what your ex did, he or she would be thinking about the same things.

The way you feel about your ex post-breakup has a lot more to do with the fact that he or she broke up with you than it actually does with the relationship.

It’s the sudden loss, a blow to the ego, self-esteem, separation anxiety and other breakup factors that make you suffer so badly.

Back to the point.

The reason why your ex is dating someone else already has nothing to do with what you were like in a relationship with your ex, but rather with things that are beyond your comprehension.

People that jump into a new relationship shortly after the breakup, usually do so to reap its benefits.

They want to love and be loved by the new person and forget about their previous partner altogether.

More often than not, people that come out of long-term relationships accept the first offer on the table the moment another person shows interest.

And as today’s society is, couples tend to skip phases of courtship. Instead of developing a strong foundation, they dive straight into a new relationship and work on building everything else after.

To them, all that matters are the comfort and the advantages of being in a new intimate relationship.

So why is my ex dating already? What’s the catch? My ex could have been happy with me!

Sometimes dumpers jump into a new relationship quickly after the breakup, expecting the new person to be your successor. They want and need their next relationship to fulfill them emotionally as quickly as possible and fill the gaps where you came short.

Exes that start dating immediately after the breakup do so because of internal weaknesses. Here they are.

my ex gf started dating someone else right away

These are the main reasons why your ex is dating already. Since it’s ridiculously easy to find a new person to date in this modern age, people get involved with someone else rather quickly.

Instead of spending days and nights alone, they choose to be with someone else and “replace” your duties.

Your duties were:

  • to give security
  • meeting physical and emotional needs
  • providing benefits of a relationship
  • helping in any way that has helped him or her to live easier

My ex is dating someone else already and it hurts

Since your ex is dating someone else and it hurts you badly, I would advise you to do what it takes to protect yourself. If you’re a regular of this blog, you’ve probably gone deaf of hearing about the indefinite no contact rule by now.

If you’re haven’t heard about it or you’re only partially impaired, we’ll briefly go through the basics once more.

The indefinite no contact rule is about you and your recovery. Every time you look at your ex, your brain will automatically convince you that your ex is happy in his or her new relationship.

This happens due to over-analyzation. Since you want only the best results for yourself, anxiety creates the worst kinds of fears. Pain and suffering, combined with a happy ex, hurts you and makes you miserable as a result.

That’s why you can and should avoid seeing your ex happy by any means necessary. You don’t really need more anxiety after the breakup. The breakup pain is plenty I reckon.

Here are 8 tips on how you can guarantee the smoothest recovery for you when your ex is dating someone else and you’re hurting.

Anxiety when your ex is dating someone else

So if your ex is dating someone else already and it hurts like Satan, take my words of advice seriously. Go no contact with your ex without delay. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Keeping tabs on your ex is like regularly looking at pictures of a dead person. It depresses you, fills you up with regret and self-blame and prevents you from moving on.

At least the dead person you’re mourning over had respect for you and deserves your tears. Your ex, on the other hand, deserves only a big gift of absolute nothingness for discarding you.

Be really generous and give him or her as much of it as you can. Go above and beyond. I promise I won’t judge you.

What can you do when your ex is dating someone else?

Whether it’s your ex-bf or ex-gf that started seeing someone else right away, the best thing you can do is nothing.

See, doing nothing about your ex directly usually cultivates the best possible results when it comes to breakups.

For example, if your ex-gf started seeing someone else right away or soon after the breakup, you must:

  • not react negatively
  • avoid talking to your ex or about your ex
  • show no concern or hurt feelings

Trying to win your ex over with words and insecure actions is only going to push your ex toward his or her new partner. That’s the main reason why you can’t do anything rash that would ruin your long-term chances.

If you act needy and insecure, your ex could:

  • laugh at you
  • show your texts to his or her friends
  • devalue you
  • get a huge ego boost

Competing with your ex’s new boyfriend/girlfriend

First of all, your ex doesn’t deserve you to fight for him or her and neither does your ex want that.

If you want the best for yourself as well as your ex, you must let your ex date his or her new partner. Don’t interfere.

Your ex has the right to date whoever he or she wants as the breakup has already occurred. There is nothing holding your ex attached to you now that you’re both single so getting upset over it won’t help you one bit.

What will help, though, is allowing your ex to see if the grass is greener on the other side.

My ex is dating someone else already after 3 months

Consider your past relationship with your ex as your performance. How you performed whilst you were in a relationship with your ex will determine whether this new partner stands a chance against you. It’s that simple.

Now, I know what you may be thinking. “I wasn’t my best self in a relationship with my ex. I neglected my ex and took him/her for granted.

My friend, nobody is perfect. Not you, your ex or your ex’s new partner. Everybody makes mistakes and so will your ex’s new toy.

People are neglectful beings who take each other for granted, hence why GIGS – the grass is greener syndrome occurs so frequently.

The only condition this syndrome needs to grow naturally is time.

Apart from time, there are also a few ways to boost the syndrome and make it grow faster. Every relationship is guilty of these sins so here they are.

What creates the grass is greener syndrome

Your advantages as an ex

The longer you were in a relationship with your ex, the more you shared together and the better you bonded. You created precious memories together, created inside jokes, and became similar to one another.

So when your ex detaches from you and starts dating someone else within weeks or months, he or she will expect this new person to take your place.

Rebound relationships fail badly because people expect the best and get a lot less than they are prepared to bargain for.

When your ex “doesn’t get” the new person, the new relationship will appear bland. It will lack the connection and intimacy of a normal relationship and fall apart.

All you have to do for it to fall apart is let your ex go through the 6 stages of a rebound relationship:

  1. Infatuation
  2. Honeymoon
  3. Reality and conflicts
  4. Nostalgia and comparisons
  5. Regret and disappointment
  6. Reconnection or abandonment

So if your ex is dating someone else, this new person could actually be the gateway back to your heart—even if you messed up badly.

But for that to happen, leave your ex’s relationship alone so that it can unfold in whichever way it’s meant to.

It hurts so much. My ex doesn’t care about me at all!

If you think that your ex doesn’ care, you’re probably right. Firstly, he or she wouldn’t have left. Secondly, your ex would have broken up with you and reassured you and stayed by your side to promote a fast recovery.

And thirdly, he or she wouldn’t have jumped into a new relationship so shortly after ending it with you.

If your ex cared about you, he or she would have treated you with compassion.

Here are a few questions from me to you.

What does your ex’s lack of care tell you? Do you still want your ex back even if it’s for the wrong reasons? Is he or she still the best human being you can possibly pair up with?

I doubt that’s the case, but I’d rather let you make that logical decision yourself.

Getting closure with an ex

Please remember that anyone who casts you out of his or her life does so because that person never wants to be with you again. Things such as “It’s just a break” don’t exist when it comes to breakups.

Any kind of promise post-breakup is merely an excuse to withdraw from a relationship. It may be just a white lie but it’s awful for you as it keeps you hooked.

So if your ex left you and used one of the generic breakup excuses, he or she lied for himself/herself more than for you.

That’s because a person who cares about you would always be honest and break up with you properly.

Breakups truly suck and the amount of damage they cause is often irreparable. Many people develop fears and phobias of relationships as a result of an ugly breakup.

Whatever you do, try not to become afraid of relationships and never loving again just because you got involved with the wrong person. There are still many great people out there that will work hard for the relationship and make you a priority.

Please try to remain open-minded and allow new romantic opportunities to capture your heart once you’ve gotten over your breakup. Don’t be afraid!

The real reason why exes come back

When dumpers break up with dumpees, they have absolutely no intention of ever coming back. To them, the breakup is final, absolute, certain, definite and never-changing.

Their decision, of course, doesn’t always stay permanent as people’s emotions change and dumpers sometimes come crawling back.

I often use strong words, such as crawling, begging, crying and running back whenever I mention dumpers returning to their exes. I do so for a very good reason.

If you think that your ex will come back just because his or her thoughts and feelings toward you change remarkably, you’re mistaken. It’s not about you anymore.

After the breakup, the fate of the reconciliation is in your ex’s hands, or rather, in his or her head. The emotional and mental states need to be severely impacted before your ex will even think about getting back together with you.

In simpler words, your ex needs to suffer, and you, dear reader have little control over that.

So when I say that dumpers come crying back, they do so because something goes horribly wrong on their end. And since they suffer, they contact their dumpees to solve their internal issues.

Yes, people are that selfish. This is true whether your ex is with someone else or alone. The reason why an ex comes back is that always something significant changes internally in his or her head.

Let your ex come to you!

If you’re still thinking to yourself, “My ex is dating someone else already and it hurts,” then you should immediately do what it takes to get him or her out of your mind.

I know it’s hard to let your ex go, but you need to start moving on as soon as your mind allows you. Only once you’ve done that, will you be ready to get back together with your ex if opportunities present themselves.

When you’ve done everything in your power to become the best version of yourself, is when it’s finally time to let your ex come to you on his or her own terms.

That means you must never chase, beg, apologize or do anything that wouldn’t impress even your dog.

If you do any of these post-breakup mistakes, you will only ruin your breakup persona and send your future chances of reconciliation to oblivion.

Is your ex dating someone else already and it hurts you beyond comprehension? What are you doing to cope with anxiety? Let us know by commenting below.

129 thoughts on “My Ex Is Dating Someone Else Already And It Hurts”

  1. I’ve been apart from my ex for a while now, and discovering his new relationship caused some pain to rush in again. I knew this would happen, and I thought it would’ve happened earlier and I wish it did so I can already have gone through this. You ask if we want them back. Not really. I want who I thought I was initially dating back, the person he initially presented, but he doesn’t exist. I know what he’s like, deep down, and though he has developed some amazing qualities, he is missing some important ones that I want my life partner to have. I’ve seen him say and do some pretty rude things to people while dating him. I’m also building a friendship with a man who I believe is made of different material and I know 100% I can do better for myself than be with my ex. But you’re right about the ego, mine is so bruised. It’s difficult not to compare myself to her, and I imagine him being so much kinder and understanding with her even though I know I was a good girlfriend to him. One part of my brain says things are unlikely to be rosy beneath if he hasn’t worked on himself since. Yet my mind imagines a perfect relationship between them and a willingness that he has with her that he didn’t have with me. I think the message I read from the way he ended things with me was “you’re not good enough, not even worth a proper breakup”. I was doing so good, it set me back a bit. Hopefully I feel better tomorrow.

  2. My ex and I met in uni. We’ve known each other for 5 years and were together the last 3 years. After I graduated I moved to the city he lived in which was 4 hours away from my home. We got a job in the same company. We go to and from work together. A month before MCO, we broke up. He said he is having doubt about a future with me, marriage and what not, like he’s not sure if I’m the one. During MCO, there were times he would invite me to his house to wfh there but the whole time he is asking me to hold his hands, and comfort him each time he is pressured at work. And then MCO is done, we’re back to work and I start seeing he is dating the girl that I was suspicious he was with. He kept on saying we’ve already broken up, but just last two weeks we slept together. I am still sorting out my car and I still go to and from work with him. Do you think I should stop and cut him off completely, or you think I should just reap off the benefit of having free rides to and from work even if it might means I still might get hurt when I found out about them going out? I was thinking of talking to the girl he’s seeing to make her understand my situation since it all recent. Do you think it would be a good idea?

  3. How do you know it’s a rebound relationship?

    I was with my ex for 4 years and we have a 3 year old daughter together. We have been split for 3 years but it hasn’t been a straight split. For the past 3 years we have slept together on and off and he has told me he still has feelings for me. We talk or text almost every day and are able to talk for hours about anything. Just this past Saturday morning we spoke on the phone for 4 hours. This was after I found out on Friday that he has been seeing someone for a month, although he has just said it’s been a few months so I don’t know what to believe.

    The last time he told me in no uncertain terms that he loved me was the end of September and the last time we slept together was the end of November. We have still continued to talk and spend time together a lot since then, until a few weeks back when I felt he was being very distant with me. So I asked him if he was seeing someone this Friday just gone and he said yes. Then today he says they are actually in a relationship now and he feels like he is falling in love with her.

    This news has completely broken me and I’m in pieces. It seems he has just forgotten all about me and moved on and all he keeps saying is we haven’t been together for 3 years! Yes, officially we haven’t but like I said we’ve been sleeping together and spending time together, so much so that we may as well of been together. Infact he just told me that last November when we went on holiday together he was going to ask me to get back together with him but because we had a row he decided against it.

    I just feel like he has kept me in limbo all this time until he found someone else to fill his time with! Could this new relationship be a rebound?

    1. I’ve been OK. Truth is, my ex and I broke up in 2019. She told me she no longer wanted to make us work. I stopped speaking to her since then and she’s been contacting me for six months desperately. After the sixth month, I answered because I thought she had something of substance to articulate, changed some her ways and wanted to make us work on a different note. Coming in contact with her and her telling me, she was contacting me for six months because she just “missed me” but didn’t want to make our relationship work, Was in therapy to become a better woman for herself and wanted no expectations and no standards. So I compromised, wanting to work towards a commitment on a fresh note, hoping (she’d see my worth or change her mind) silly me, and she didn’t, it actually backfired on me because she winded up treating me the same way she treated me while I was in her life, in the past, found myself teaching her how to treat me all over again to the point where it felt like I was wining to her again. She didn’t know how to communicate, compromise or take accountability properly STILL. I gave her an ultimatum basically saying I’ve loved you unconditionally and it’s been taken for granted, I’m disappointed, either we treat each other accordingly or we should see other women. Guess what she did? LOL choose to see other women. After a week of desperately contacting her because I wanted her to take part in making us work and love me back (again, smh), she told/allowed another woman to answer her phone when I called the following time. Then all of a sudden, she loved this woman, was happy with this woman and seen herself with this woman. So I left her alone (has been two weeks now) and I’m decided to pick the pieces of my life back up, and remembering my strength of how I went six months without talking to her. During the six months of no contact, she told me she slept with a mom and her daughter. So I assumed this new woman in her life that’s now her girlfriend been in the picture this whole time… my heart is broken, I cry at least once a day randomly and I’m reading self help books to answer these questions I have from within. Did I dodge a bullet? What is so special about this woman that my ex girlfriend deemed her relationship material? I feel like she only contacted me for six months to gain her “power” back and have her “ego boost”. Who does something so immature disrespectful and degrading like that? Smh. What did I do wrong?

  4. Thank you so much for writing this. It helped me so much. I’m still in a dark nightmarish spot but this perspective helped. Here’s my story.

    My ex and I had been together for 4.5 years. We were engaged for the last 2. A little before I proposed we were in a rocky spot and during that time my ex had an emotional affair with another man. I noticed comments on Instagram that seemed like courting, and I confronted her about him. Not in a threatening way but in a what the heck is going on here way. She lied to me for the first 10 minutes until she finally broke. She originally said the “he’s just a friend” line, until she finally admitted it was emotionally intimate. Cheating can be emotional too, and it was. Fast forward to the present, she recently moved out and we were on good terms. We both agreed this needed to happen. However, it’s been 10 days and I come to find out she immediately started that back up with the same dude he betrayed my trust with, days after telling me she still wanted to have my kids one day and that she hopes we still end up together. I can’t help but feel played, like I was used for her to move onto this guy. Yes we are broken up, but because it was so recent it still hurts so much to see her keep me on a string so she can start things back up with the same guy she lied about and had an emotional affair with. Just feels like a nightmare.

    1. Mark consider yourself lucky that it happened before you got married and had kids. You’re now a free man to start with someone new who would care and love you.

      You Lucky bastard 🙂

  5. Thank you for this blog….it is frank and direct and definitely needed.

    My ex gf broke up with me two weeks ago (it is about the 5th time in our almost 5 year relationship). Our first relationship lasted from November 2015 until November 2019. I am 50 and she is four years younger. The first three years of the relationship included living separately. We both have children. It included many wonderful times, a strong connection, and many “I love you and you treat me better than anyone.” I then asked her to marry me and she said yes.

    The fourth year included her and her son moving into my house. The blended family thing was a disaster because I tended to ignore all issues and sweep them under the table. When my kids were with their mom every other week, it was better. However, I didn’t give her the quality time she needed and I let other activities (working Uber) get in the way. I was often busy and ignored her cries for more attention. I had a difficult time changing my ways. She then broke off the engagement in May 2019 and said she was moving out. However, after begging and pleading, she did decide to stay after I said I would make changes. While I made some, she felt detached from me during the summer, and never really accepted my changes. She then abruptly moved out in November after breaking up with me in October.

    We went no contact which last last for 14 days and began to see each other in person a few times a week by early December. During this month, I did a self help program that gave me so much more insight into myself and our relationship. I truly did change and was desiring to show her all of this. Things went very well, but here and again, she did go out on a few dates and also brought up the resentment of living with me.

    However as January and February proceeded, we found our NEW relationship working very well. We fell in love again. We were having passionate sex and spending quality time together. We did things together that were new She came with me to Vegas for my 50th and said she was only dating me. However, she stayed single on Facebook and befriended many males friends to meet people that played music or shared her interests.

    Then COVID hit and due to her health conditions, she quarantined big time including not allowing me to touch her in any way (our main love language is touch). We are both teachers and did work from home. I was allowed to only visit her and sit outside. We finally progressed to walks with masks on. She mentioned breaking up with me again as the new situation made it hard to connect. Then she would say how much she loved me and appreciated all I was doing for her.

    She often played music in her apartment and hung with her son. She also had a new admirer on Facebook in April. She finally admitted that she went for a motorcycle ride with him. And another. I don’t ride and it is a passion of hers. They did this a few times but she said he was just there to ride with. However, after I made a jealous comment, she broke up with me. She said she couldn’t provide the physical touch to me now and had lost a romantic flame despite still loving me. I was safe, stable, and did wonderful things for her, but she wasn’t romantically there for me.

    That was June first and then on June 8th, she told me that she really didn’t want me to contact her and that the breakup was final. She told me to move on and be happy. She says she still cares for me and loves me, but the resentment of her living with me was too strong and she would need to work on it. She doesn’t want to do that work. A relationship should be easy. Hard to move on when you are still in love and feel the relationship ended by one comment. The new relationship was derailed because of COVID. She has since let this guy into her place and visa versa despite the health concerns. I haven’t spoken to her since the 8th and know that she has spent more time with this guy that is very different from me and told me that there were a thousand reasons why she wouldn’t date him.

    So I will do no contact again….different this time since there no is a new person in the picture. It hurts so much because I feel like she doesn’t miss me at all and has filled the gap with someone else. However, I guess she doesn’t miss me. Thanks for the insight.

    1. Your problem was putting that woman on a pedestal. Never ever do that and never ever beg or plead. If she wants to go, then show her the doorZ. Sit back and watch as she comes back.

  6. Hi.
    My ex espouse and I were together for 12 years. Around july of 2019 she told me her ex boyfriend was trying to contact her and wanted to be friends, in july 14th the talk on the phone for at least 3 hours (I researched phone bills later to find out of often they talk late note and texted my mistake now but I found that like that) on august 24th she texted that she went to an party on all old friend that reached out for her too, she started talking to all friends, all this friends are common friends with the ex boyfriend, I never met any of them. A lot to say in my story. Short story August 25th she pulled the plug and said she couldn’t doing anymore, we did loss a lot of communication the past years for sure and distance as well in the intimacy. I think she also pushed the last months too so it would be me the one ending the relationship. A week after the landlord called to say they were divorcing too and were selling the house we were renting for 11 years, one after another. She introduced him to our 11 years old daughter around October. Looking for a house to rent for my daughter and her mom. With all this process we were still leaving together till about February 2020. They kept talking over the phone and texting. May came around she finally brought him for the weekend and next weekend she went to his place and goes on like that since them. I felt betrayed I felt replaced, I work hard all the time 2 jobs 7 days a week and now I feel it was for nothing, worst part, we are able to talk better, if a conversation gets comfortable she pulls the wall again, lately now she is always angry with me, this weekend she left and left my older stepdaughter to watch my daughter, before I was able to stay with her but this time she didn’t legt me, I didn’t like that but I haven’t said anything about I am waiting to see if it will happen again. At the end, yes I still live my ex and I know she did before, I know distance I have to put in between, love myself and grow, but I have nobody to talk, my family was her family only, I dont have relatives here and many of the people i called friends before they dont reach back. No bad thoughts in my mind but misery always bring company.

    Thank you

  7. So my ex broke up with me the day before lockdown, we have lived together for 8 months and been together two years. He said it was like a switch and he wasn’t in love with me anymore, totally out of the blue.
    We had to stay together throughout all this so had to remain friendly for lockdown. But throughout all this I’ve seen his phone go off with girls names and I’ve seen messages between him and a friend where he’s gone on a socially distanced date and how amazing this one girl was and how he’s wishes he could do it again but would have to think of a good excuse to leave the house with me in it. He’s lying to me and I think that’s what hurts the most. Especially as since then he’s been the nicest to me (guilt huh) and has been doing little things he use to to let me know he’s thinking about me.
    Im trying to move on, I’m having to move back to my parents an hour away from everyone and live there for the moment and he’s moving on to his own space. I just feel like a fool and the fact I help him out with things around the house is difficult, he’s still sharing my bed with me (the couch is unsleepable)
    l

    1. Sorry to hear about this, Lauren. My ex-wife and I bought a house together which was sold and I moved back in with my parents as well. Maybe we can connect somehow?

  8. Hi Zan, thank you for this post, genuinely really helping me in my time of need when I need it. You will never know just how much i needed to read this to pick me up out a dark spot but I’m genuinely thankful you have wrote this! I’m still suffering really bad but here’s my story!
    Today is monday. My now ex girlfriend whom I was with for over a year, came over to my house Saturday with her daughters for a BBQ. Everything was going really well when she went snooping on my phone and broke up with me for receiving a message from a work colleague reference work stuff and what she was cooking for her tea that night (to which I hadn’t replied). Within 3 hours of her getting back to hers she had her children’s dad over for the night. When I saw her the next day to swap back possessions/talk too her..she announced that nothing happened but she was having him over sunday night to again help.
    Tonight (monday) she has had a different new man over, not a friend I have ever seen in the year we’ve been together.
    I know these things should be enough to kill this for me but I still really love her, on Saturday she was talking about us living together,making plans for our future etc.

    My mind has been blown by all of this ans my stomach feels like I’ve eaten bricks it’s that dropped out! Any advice on how to end this feeling and move on quicker would be appreciated! I thought this woman was my soulmate and the one, something she always told me she felt about me too!

  9. I just felt like a needed to release this somewhere… please feel free to ignore…

    I recently met my first boyfriend at 24. He was 30, a bit more than five years older than me. He had wasted away his 20’s, and was therefore still job searching. Due to various reasons, he developed Cirrhosis at the young age of 26. His parents were divorced.

    Why did I like him? I don’t know. He was determined to get his life back on track. I’d been through similar things. I wanted to believe in him… and I just can’t help who I love.

    Before our first time, I asked him to get tested for STDs. I promised to do the same, even though I’d never done it with anyone before. He said he would, but assured me he took great care of himself and there was no way anything would ever happen.

    He never got tested. I got five STDs.

    After my STD confirmation, he finally told me he and his old girlfriend had had issues with sexual diseases. I asked why he hadn’t told me. He said he had gone through with treatment and didn’t think it was any of my business.

    I broke up with him that day. Three days before Christmas.

    But I was so in love. I told him I was sorry and brought our relationship back.

    We decided to meet on Christmas. He showed up hours late, without even a letter as a present. I’d prepared months in advance. I’d told him with shining eyes how much I was looking to my first Christmas as a couple.

    We fought again. He wanted to give up on us.

    I held on.

    I asked him to be honest with me, even if it hurt his self esteem. I promised I would never judge him. He agreed to try.

    On our 200th day anniversary, he finally got a job.

    In my heart, I had kept telling myself that I would only stay by his side until he found some stability. I didn’t want to abandon him during his time of need.

    After he found stability, I started to look forward to the future. I believed he would keep the promises he had made to me.

    Not a single one was kept. He continually told me he wanted to marry me, without ever giving me any way to trust him.

    After nine months, I was finally done. I asked him to break up.

    Three days later, he downloaded a dating app and got a new girlfriend.

    Is that the end? No.

    I was asked on a date by a guy I met online. I was frightened, but convinced myself that if I didn’t approach the situation with courage I would probably never date again. We spoke for 7+ hours on the phone every day. He promised he would heal my scars. He told me he was a virgin. That he had a steady job. That he liked everything about me.

    On our first date, he pretended to be infatuated with me. He begged me to be his girlfriend, even after I told him I didn’t feel attracted to him in that way yet. In the end, I gave in.

    The day after we slept together, he ghosted me. Suddenly, without reason. We had just been texting sweet things to each other, and he had asked me to visit his company the next day. I planned to bring sweets for his coworkers. I really wanted to be a good girlfriend.

    He ended it, without words nor reason.

    In the aftermath, I realized there were many holes in his story. Everything he told me turned out to be fake. I’m not even sure if his name was real. There were things he said that led me to believe he may be gay.

    I am currently on treatment to prevent possible HIV. It cost me 1,000USD out of pocket.

    I’m so tired. I feel so used. I don’t understand. I’ve tried my best, always, to love with all my heart. My parents are highly religious. I can’t tell them, I can’t tell those around me. I have no one to lean on.

    I am so tired.

  10. Hey….so we had a relationship of 2 months. We were doing good until she called me and said that my parents have found a guy for me so there’s a marriage prospect. That is the reason we broke up. Now after 2 weeks she texts me and says how was i as a girlfriend i told my answer. Then i asked her is she seeing someone else she said kind of. She says he’s an old friend of mine and i like talking to him, i don’t know if i should date that guy.
    Now i kind of think she was lying i don’t know what to do now, should i move on or hope for good.

    Help me out guys.

  11. Hi Zan,

    I just wanna say thank you for writing so many amazing articles. I regret that I did not come across this blog sooner when my gf broke up with me 5 months ago. We were in long distance for 2 years as we were pursuing our education in different countries, she told me she caught feelings for someone in her social circle which I couldn’t control. I was disheartened and felt betrayed, I committed some post break-up mistakes and I’m now in no contact for 4 months.

    I spent a lot of time being angry and searching answers on what I could have done better. She was my first gf and I wasn’t my best self in the relationship. I am done feeling sh*t about myself and am trying to improve both emotionally and physically.

    Your articles perfectly articulated my thought process and has provided me with the necessary direction on how I should move on with my life, all I have to do now is stay strong and discipline to go through this transition process.

    Thank you for your hardwork!

    Cheers from Malaysia ^^

    1. Hi Hs.

      I’m sorry for what you went through.

      Your ex-girlfriend stopped valuing you because of the distance, so don’t blame yourself for her actions. She just didn’t appreciate you and there’s nothing you could have done about it.

      Keep moving on and great things will happen!
      Zan

  12. Not sure if anyone will read this, but it’s just been on my mind & wanted to vent it out.

    I was in a relationship with my ex for 7 years (same sex relationship). We were best friends for 3 years & then got into a relationship for 7 years. So In total 10 years together, the relationship was all great and all until the 5th year when she cheated on me with another girl, nothing major but texts n etc. But still cheating. I guess my mistake at the time was to continue with her without actually forgiving her fully. From that moment forward I just didn’t trust her anymore I was always paranoid and anxious bout what she was doing. She had promised to not speak to her again but 3 months later she did and things only got worse from there. Eventually I hit rock bottom and did hurtful things to her too, so the last 2 years we weren’t really together anymore but we was trying to fix things however the trust just wasn’t there anymore from my side and we was always arguing, but at the same time did have good times too. Fast forward to about 7 months ago. She ended things for good. And only about a week later from that I found out she was already seeing someone else. The worse part about it all was that it was a guy who had always been on her case and only now she decided to turn her attention to him. Maybe she was already speaking to him, probably was. But yeah so I decided to cut the contact between us since she wanted to move on so quick. I told myself I need my own time to heal, but a month later she contacted me again telling me she was going through something rough and again I let her in and was there for her. However when I confronted her about This guy she just told me that nothing is going on, that she doesn’t like him, that they just chill. Next thing u know her family has met him, spent Xmas n New Years with him n took him to family parties. I knew that was my queue to leave. So I cut off contact for nearly a month & then she came back crying to me saying she only pushed herself to him to get over me and now she’s in a deeper hole because she has her mums pressure on her. She has this new guy in her life and she isn’t even over me. So since Feb it’s been back & forth. N always denying she is officially with him, however I’d always see messages from him which clearly seemed like they were together. N everytime I’d cut her off cause I told myself I’m not gna be anyone’s second option regardless how much I still love them. I’d cut her off n she’ll always contact me saying she’s single she isn’t with him n she still loves me but that things wouldn’t work between us right now. So much contradiction. And only a week ago she told me that she has decided to give him a. Chance because his been making a lot of effort and she didn’t see any effort from me anymore, that I wasn’t trying and I only seemed like I wanted to move on n I seemed good without her so she needed a boost to get over me n gave him a chance n she’s given in to his effort.

    Now I’m here left feeling guilty AF, asking myself should I have fighter for her. Should I have done more. N at the same time I know deep down she’s been with him not recently but from way back. I just don’t understand why she had to pull me through with all this instead of leaving me alone to heal and move on. What were her true intentions or feelings?
    If she’s really happy with him, why would she still contact me saying she still loves me n misses me and can’t stop thinking about me. But she’s still with him?
    Anyway hope to hear from someone
    Xx

  13. Well where do i start. Well my ex girlfriend broke up with me. Id admit i was a jerk at times. But it was never intentional. I just wanted her to be safe, ik how she reacts in bad situations, so it worried me to no end not knowing if she was ok sometimes. Along with that came other issues. But in the long run i thought i mad her happy. But a few days before my birthday it all ended and i was devastated. Of course months later im reading all of this, and now im not sure she will take me back. If id have known this information now then, even tho it wouldve hurt me more than it did then. I would have done these steps. But if everything said here is true then i have no hope. After the break up, i went almost insane constantly trying to see what she was doing and if she was ok. But shes doing things shes never done before like where short shorts and cutting her hair differently. And those were somethings i didnt want her to wear cause i was afraid of guys looking at her and wanting her. And trying to take her from me. I just miss her so much. Today i saw her for the first time since the quarantine and she looks amazing. And since i saw her she opened back up my wounds that i healed over the passed few months. And i feel like a douche bag cause in the mix of all this i have a new girl friend, who i love u dearly. But its not the same. I spent almost 4 years with my ex. We started dating freshman year of highschool. And broke up my senior year. Since then so many fun and beautiful memories have been made with my ex. Those kind of memories are hard to find, even with my new girlfriend. Although my new girlfriend offers things my ex couldn’t id take my ex back in a heart beat. But the only reason i dated my new girlfriend was so that my ex can be happy, because i had been trying everything and anything to get my ex back( except everyting stated in this site) so i figured doing my best to move on a heal my broken heart would help fix what i did, and to say the least i dont think it did. And i dont want to break up with my new gf because then she would know why im leaving her. And im just soo stuck. I have all of thid pressure built up inside of me, and it hurts so bad to think of my ex taking someone knew. But ig she felt the same when i dated my new gf..but maybe not i dont really know. All i know is that i miss her very much but if not being with my beloved ex makes her happy, then im just going to have to accept it. I don’t know what to do. But if emma chambers ever reads this i just want her to know that im so sorry for everything that ive done. I just wanted you to be happy. Thats all ive ever wanted. And im not saying this just to think im trying to win u over some how. Or make me seem like the good guy. I truly mean it i only did this to make u happy and i also did it so that i can heal so i can let u go so that u can live the life i didnt let u have. But if i had the chance to make it all right id take the bullet rn physically and mentally. And to my new gf Mackenzie provost, i dated you one bacause i did love u, u offer many different things that she never offered, but after almost 4 years with her, im going to need ur patience with my ex. Yes i love u very much but if u only knew exactly the situation i was in you would understand. But i dont expect you to be forgiving to me if things go south. But i dont just date to date, there ks a reason i date, its out of love, i never date for anything other than love. Im not saying im breaking up with u, i just need more understanding. And i dont want u to feel embarrassed and look so stupid. Yes im attached in a way still and that looks messed up but u just don’t understand why i am. Anyway i hope the person who has read all of this can see my perspective of my break up. And if u haven’t figured it out by now i am a male. Ive been diagnosed with 6 concussions, all 6 have happened with my ex..and i am currently awake at this hour for the shear fact that i obviously just need someone here to know 50% of the story of my break up. A left out other things because i dont want this to go on forever which it has. But i am only stating the truth cause thats all i want people to know…id the truth. Any way if anyone reading this wants to email me to give me advice my email is [email protected] .

    1. Hey bro thanks for sharing with us this story if yours that is similar to mine in many ways .I wish you and anyone reading this peace of mind and a lasting happiness. Bro hug .peace

  14. Hi. It’s been a month since my ex girlfriend (same sex relationship) and I broke up. I’ve tried my best to move on and not to stalk her as possible, but I was tempted yesterday and regretted it. On her Twitter account it seems like she’s dating someone new and I have all these questions in my head like “Did she really love me?” and “Did she truly care about me?”. I feel like it’s so unfair because I’m in pain and struggling to move forward and here she is, dating someone new. My insecurities are now kicking in as well because the new girl looks way better than me and all I could think of is how am I gonna be better as well, or make her realise what she had lost. I have accepted the fact that we’ll never get back together, but the fact that she has someone new, i didn’t see that coming. It hurts too much and I don’t know where to start. 😞

    1. I understand what your going through, I was in the same kind of relationship with my ex gf for 7 years & straight after we broke up she got with someone else, worse part though it was with a guy. It’s been months of hell. Only because she’s with him but also comes back to me telling me she loves me still and she just with him to get over me. I know exactly how you feel. But don’t compare yourself to anyone. The new girl she’s with isn’t better than you. Maybe just more compatible for her. There’s just certain things we have to accept. N believe me I’m still trying to heal. Been in this situation for months now. As everytime I’d cut her off she’d contact me again.
      But keep ur head up, focus on urself and love yourself. Things will get easier day by day.

  15. I was dating my ex on April 18 and we were doing good until we lasted like 4 days which was on tuesday and its a long story why we broke up and then i got sad and mad at my self and i went to the bathroom and cried. I told my self to calm down and that there’s plenty more boys out there you could date.i quickly looked at my self in my bathroom mirror and told my self to stop crying and to wash my face again. So I did and went to my room and acted like nothing happened. I blocked my ex on Instagram and then i felt a guilty feeling. I couldn’t eat much because i was too busy thinking about him. Then later on i decided to unblock him and then i saw his bio and it had S and a ring and i knew that ment he was dating someone else right after me. I felt awful and i cried in the inside. I kept telling my that i was cheated the whole entire time and that if i wasn’t then how come he’s already dating another girl. I kept asking questions to my self. The next day i unblocked him that hopefully he would want me back and that he would breakup with her. But it never happened and i almost texted him how sorry i was and what i did to him but i didnt. Right now i’m feeling a little bit better and that that’s just how life is and that i have to deal with it.

  16. my ex boyfriend for 2 years broke up with me last month. He said that he can no longer give his 100% effort as a boyfriend as he wuld focus his time and effort for his upcoming bar exam, he added that he cannot take a long distance relationship with me. a month ago, he texted me saying he “miss me”, the idiot i am replied back saying i miss him too, but adding that “you only missed me bcos we are on a state of a pandemic and you have no one to talk to, i bet if you are with ur friends and family by now, you wouldn’t dare text me”. After that confrontation, he no longer contacted me. I admit that during that time, i was hoping that he would come back to me. but i guess i was wrong, i think he is seeing someone new now (i am not 100% sure, only my guts kicking in), i am being paranoid about it. i keep praying to God, to stop the pain i’m feeling right now. and still praying to God to give our relationship another chance. But i am losing hope, bcos of the fact that he is liking/reacting to pictures posted by several women in his fb.

  17. Me and my ex recently broke up, we were together for two years. It was a very up and down, exhausting relationship and it’s easy to see why it didn’t work out. I loved her and I was sad to lose her. But I was really fine with it for weeks after the breakup. I went on a couple dates in that time, but I’m not sure if I was even in the right frame of mind after just leaving an intense relationship for these dates to be anything more than just getting out and enjoying myself with some female company. Which is totally fine. The dates did help take my mind off of my ex. So that was good. But now that this pandemic stuff is going on I’m finding it’s harder to move on and my thoughts are creeping back to my ex. I made the mistake of looking her up on FB and it just brought on all this overwhelming anxiety. I reached out to her only to find out that she had started seeing somebody almost immediately after our relationship ended and that was just a total punch to the gut to hear that. I have since unfriended her and blocked her on FB just to get her out of sight/out of mind. And that has helped. I’ve concluded, looking back at our relationship, that she has a lot of insecurity, which I know really hurt our relationship and her jumping immediately into another relationship reaffirms that’s just who she is. At this point I don’t really lament the fact it didn’t work out between us because we certainly had our issues. But it just really stings that she’s with somebody else and she jumped into it so quickly. The pain cuts really deep. Just makes me feel like I didn’t matter and our relationship didn’t matter. But I kinda realize it’s just her insecurity and she felt the need to replace me right away. I think it says a lot about her and makes me realize even more that she’s not the one for me. But regardless, the pain is a lot to bear. So I’m trying to focus on myself and what I can control. But it’s hard for my thoughts not to turn to her right now. I do miss her, but it is absolutely time for me to focus my energy on moving on. And that’s what I’m doing. It’s just going to take time to heal just like XXany other wound. Anyway, I appreciate others reaching out on here. It gives me some comfort hearing I’m not alone suffering thru these situations. Stay strong, people! Thanks!

  18. I hope someone is able to have some input, but I’ll vent regardless. I just experienced my second breakup with my girlfriend of almost 3 years. Say what you’d like, there is also a long past that I doubt anyone would want to read. In the beginning we talked about marriage and kids (the typically honeymoon phase) and we had an issue wanting to move in together and I got really angry and ended up breaking things off because we couldn’t bring our relationship to the next phase. In that time, we rekindled and accidentally had one bad night where my ex then met someone on a dating site. We had our discussions over that next month and eventually got back together, but my trust was really broken (again complicated, but paraphrased). I broke about every rule on this site, primarily because she was so confused as to what she wanted I had no idea what to do. Things weren’t much better for the next year and she ended things about a month ago because I was just too insecure and jealous. We haven’t spoken in about a week (although I’ve been desperate and still pleading for attention). I finally found out from her sister yesterday that she is talking to someone new (which wasn’t a huge shocker, because I opened up Tinder just to try again because I had to move states and somehow she still popped up 600 miles away and that opened up a new wound). So I messaged her saying she should’ve just told me instead of ghosting me. I didn’t say anything mean or rash. I’m just hoping this is a dumb rebound, that she’s trying to ignore the pain and fill the void that I made because I really did try my best. I just have to move on, better myself in that time, don’t hold out for something that may never come, but it still smarts when I wake up from a good dream and can’t say anything.

  19. Hi
    I don’t know if I’ll get any reply to this but i just want to let my heart out
    My ex broke up with me 2 years ago. it was a 4 year relationship and she had moved to another country. It hurt like hell. something i had never experienced before or wish to experience again
    While i was trying to move on she kept drunk calling me occasionally and all the progress that i had made would go in vain. When i was at my strongest, she came back to the city 1 year later. I tried to avoid contact with her but being in the same group of friends, it was hardly possible. Exactly a year back, we both were at our friend’s party and she got drunk and started talking our past and all the hurt that she suffered even though she broke up with me. We started talking after that and i started falling for her again. When i confronted her with my feelings, she told me that its a dead end and being friends is the only thing she wants. A month later, again we were at a party and she got drunk and came on to me again, told me how much she misses me and we hooked up. She denied everything the next day as she did not remember anything. I tried to win her back again but as it turned out the result was the same. Now she has started dating a guy she works with and they have been friends for over 6 years. So that is not casual at all. I don’t want her in my life but it hurts so much. We are in the same group of friends and i don’t know how will i be able to see her. I really thought for a long time that she is the one. I have no clue where i am headed.

    1. So I would say you should really reflect on the section that mentions how people are selfish. It looks like your ex (especially when she’s drunk) just wants the reassurance that someone has her best interests at heart, that she’s attractive, that she’s wanted. Unfortunately, you want to provide that for her even if you know that it isn’t healthy for you. You love her, and she’s in a destructive phase.

      I’m no love expert and I’ve made a TON of my own mistakes with my recent breakup, but I would say to remain strong and selfish for yourself. Build respect not only for yourself, but to also instill some form of respect in her too. She may think that you will always cave when she needs you and thinks no form of commitment is necessary to receive the benefits of a relationship. I would say be kind but don’t exert yourself to make herself feel better about herself. Make her come to you next time.

      Unfortunately as with all breakups, new interests really bring complexity. Mainly the reason I’m even on here too. I hope you’re staying strong!

  20. Not sure if anyone will read this, but I have it on my mind right now. So I’ve been in no contact like right after we broke up and it’s been 5 months. During that time, I decided I did not want to get back together with him and deleted him off my social media and his phone number. Every single memory was completely wiped, I still kept some picture of big social events though. Not a big deal, it doesn’t make me anxious or anything when I look at them. Anyways, we had dated for 2 years and we were apart of the same team and had the same friend groups. We were also so closw, we did everything together. We went on trips together, parties and sleepovers. Met his family and his extended family, I went to their parties and bonded with his siblings and cousins. They were the best people I have ever met even to this day. It was a very fun 2 years and I’m honestly glad I had it. However, we broke up right before our 2 year mark and he began dating someone else that very same week. I’ve had my suspicious and I even questioned if it was another girl and he denied it and said he probably won’t even date someone else for like a year. As we can see, he really thought I would never find out that he began seeing someone else right afterwards lmao. Anyways, it hurt for a long time and to be honest it still stings to be tossed to the side like that. It was very embarrassing to me and it was incredibly awkward with our mutal friends, because it was all so jarring. However, as of right now, I’ve made my peace with it and finally accepted that he didn’t care about me and truly didn’t love me. It hurts, but it’s the truth. Just yesterday though, his new partner requested to follow me on instagram and I knew it was her, because I checked her profile and she had recently posted pictures of him. It sent me back to all the initial emotions I had during the break up. I had anxiety, my hands began shaking and I almost teared up. I think it got so bad, because it was so unexpected and I hadn’t heard/seen him in months and to have it be his current partner to reforge that connection stung even more. I did some snooping (because her instagram was public) and realized we had no mutals friends whatsoever and she had just started using her platform again after a year. They were such recent pictures that I believe she had just began using it again and the first thing she did was to post a selfie, then a separate post of him and then follow me. Honestly, I’m not sure WHEN she requested to follow me because I had been ignoring my instagram for a couple days, but it had to be recent. Just seeing how she began to become active again on there and her almost initial reaction was to find my profile, confirm it was me (which I’m not sure how she would even do that) and request to follow me, it makes me very uncomfortable. Especially for how long there was no contact and she is just now trying to discover who I am. We’ve met face to face before too. After 1 to 2 months of the break up. When they (my ex and his current) saw me walk into the room (keep in mind it’s a smallish room with max 7 people in it, I went with one of our mutal friend to meet up with other people), they grew very awkward and stopped talking and when I told my friend I was going to the restroom. When I came back, she had left during that time. Later on, she did return, but the room had gotten crowded with people who showed up during that time and my ex and her kept their distance from one another. They didn’t talk at all. My ex had his face glued to his phone and she was talking to someone, but seemed to ignore each other. This was also the first time I even realized he began dating someone lol. Anyways, after that whole interaction, I guess I’m just wondering why? Why now are you trying to follow me? Why now are you posting pics again and one of the first ones being him (and if ya’ll could read the paragraph under the caption about how amazing their relationships has been so far LMAO)? Why would you even want to follow his ex in the first place? I know she doesn’t want to be friends, so idk what possessed her to do all this from seemingly nowhere.To be honest, I think the fact that she went out of her way to find me on instagram, post about him and ask to follow me, screams that she’s trying to show off and that just says insecure to me. Because, why do feel the need to show off to me? Especially if my ex and I have had no interaction with each other ever since we broke up. I think I’m more annoyed than anything, because how much progress I’ve made to only be forced to look at them again. What do you guys think about this whole situation? Ask questions if you need to, I did leave some bits out to be more comprehensible.

    1. Hey! I’m “T” who left a comment right below yours.
      Anyway, I read your comment and I have to tell you that what happened to you is very unfortunate and I feel for you. About his current gf following you, I completely agree that she is insecure. There is no need for her to send a follow request on instagram. There could be a chance that your ex keeps on talking about you to her and out of annoyance she made that move. Whatever it is it is best for you to not follow her or accept her request. Also, 2 years is a long time. You have moved on but give it a little more time and I promise that even if you see your ex outside indulging in PDA it wont bother you. I admire your courage that you did not over react when you found out that he is dating someone else. So, dont overthink about his current girlfriend and whenever you hang out with your mutual friends I would advice you to be as happy and as least affected as possible because the more affected you look to your ex he will feel very uncomfortable and it might make things worse for both of you. If you just stay happy and make it look casual there is a chance (a small chance) that he might realise that you very so lovable and would realise his mistake of leaving you. Also, can you elaborate on why did he leave you?
      P.S: dont worry this isnt the end of your dating life 😉

    2. I can resonate with your story partially. I broke up with my bf four months ago and he told me the same thing…that he probably is not going to see anyone for a good while. Well that good while was three months. First I stumbled upon a picture on Facebook with his new partner as I did not unfriend him I guess I still hoped he might change his mind (BIG MISTAKE). I wasn’t sure if they are together or not or just found a new friend…Then a month later now knowing his partner’s name I was weak and pathetic to look up his Instagram profile only to see they are in fact together. I’ve been doing so far so good but seeing him with someone else just put me back to ground zero and I was a wreck both emotionally and physically. I was shaking, cold sweating, couldn’t eat…I just couldn’t understand how could he do this…I felt like a piece of garbage left on the side of the road. So I blocked him finally everywhere, I’m doing good not looking up them anymore (his partner’s IG account is public so that makes things extra tempting but all I have to think of is how bad I felt that moment I saw the previous picture and I don’t want to be there again. It’s particularly difficult to go through a heartbreak in a time of a pandemic, but we’ll make it! Hope you feel better now 😊

      1. oh , I feel you.. my story is very close to yours.
        guess we have to face ourselves , move on , forgive and let go.
        feeling like a victim is the worst feeling
        it’s an ego issue after all
        ideas that aren’t true makes the emotion attached to it dissolve..
        we have a lot of deconstructing ideas to do
        good luck ))
        life is short <3

Leave a Reply