My Ex Is Dating Someone Else Already And It Hurts

My heart goes out to anyone who’s in love with their ex when their ex is dating someone else already. I know how much it hurts to see the person you love with someone else. Before you even get the chance to accept the breakup and move on, your ex is already sleeping with someone new and planning a future with him or her.

It’s like your commitment didn’t matter.

But even if it didn’t matter, don’t blame yourself for your ex’s actions. It’s not your fault your ex is dating someone else already and acting like you don’t exist.

It’s your ex’s fault because your ex doesn’t care about anyone other than himself or herself.

Dumpers often start dating again after the breakup because doing so makes it possible for them to ignore relationship issues and distracts them from reality. It gives them an opportunity to sweep problems under the rug and focus on making themselves feel good.

You need to know that anyone who does that doesn’t deserve your love, attention, and commitment. The person you were with deserves to be cut out of your life so that you can forget about your ex and be happy again.

From now on, you need to work on taking your rose-tinted glasses off and seeing your ex for the person he or she is. That’s how you’ll be able to let go of reconciliation hope and enjoy your life without your ex in it.

This post is for you if your ex is dating someone else already and it hurts.

Why is my ex dating someone else already?

If you’re in a lot of pain because your ex is dating someone else already, you’re probably wondering why on Earth your ex started dating so quickly. Why didn’t your ex take the time to reflect, learn from the breakup, and improve in ways he or she needs to improve?

You must be so flabbergasted by your ex’s actions that you wonder if you ever even knew your ex.

Thoughts like these are completely normal as people aren’t always who they present themselves to be. In relationships, they may appear nice, friendly, and loyal, but when they leave their partners, they show their exes who they really are. They show them how they treat people they fell out of love with and how selfish they can be when they feel tempted to get involved with other people.

I’d like you to know that the reason your ex is dating someone else already has nothing to do with what you were like in a relationship with your ex. People who monkey-branch into a new relationship shortly after the breakup usually do so to get the most out of their life.

They want to love and be loved by someone else and forget about the life they had with their ex-partner. I don’t know about you, but to me, anyone who moves on so quickly has very little if any care any sympathy for the ex. All he or she is thinking about is “me, me, me.”

Sometimes the reason for a “me mentality” is temptations and the inability to control those temptations—and other times, monkey-branchers think of themselves as victims and blame their exes for the way they feel. They don’t want to take responsibility, so they make their ex responsible for their actions, anger, and their lack of romantic feelings.

It’s unfortunate, but many dumpers are in a hurry to date someone else. They’re tired of their previous relationship and think they deserve love. That’s why they usually get together with the first person who shows interest in them. The new person makes them limerent and forces them to go through the stages of a new relationship.

To dumpers who just broke up with an ex, the only thing that matters is how exciting their new relationship feels. Everything else doesn’t matter as they can figure it out later when or if their relationship gets serious.

You mustn’t keep an eye on your ex while your ex is in the love phase because it will destroy you emotionally, make you obsessed with your ex, and waste your precious post-breakup time. You should instead invest in yourself and try to stay as busy as you can.

With that said, here’s why your ex is dating someone else already.

These are the main reasons why your ex is dating already. Since it’s so easy to find a new person to date these days, people get involved with someone new rather quickly.

Instead of reflecting on their mistakes and improving themselves, they get together with someone they barely know and see if it’s possible to make the relationship work.

Your ex isn’t rushing just because he or she is afraid of being alone. Your ex is probably used to being in a relationship because relationships provide your ex with relationship benefits and make him or her feel validated, respected, loved, and emotionally/sexually fulfilled.

But unfortunately, most relationships make couples feel good and special until couples get out of the infatuation phase and start encountering disagreements and problems. That’s when they learn to work together or break up.

Initially, people enter into relationships to feel accepted, validated, and fulfilled.

But when they get comfortable around each other, they stop putting such an importance on those particular emotions and want:

• security
• longevity
• understanding
• support
• comfort
• peace

My ex is dating someone else already and it hurts

If your ex is dating someone else already and it hurts badly, I suggest that you protect yourself by distancing yourself from your ex. The easiest way you can do that is by following the indefinite no contact rule. This rule will prevent you from finding out unnecessary information about your ex and his or her new partner and slowly return your sense of self-worth.

It won’t happen overnight, but the longer you stay in no contact the more and quicker you’ll recover. You won’t have to overload your brain with questions such as whether your ex is happy in his or her new relationship and if your ex will ever come back.

What your ex does when you go no contact doesn’t concern you anymore.

All that matters in no contact is your well-being. Your ex doesn’t care much about you, so you need to fall in love with yourself. When you do, your pain will decrease and your ex’s value in your eyes will soon follow suit. That’s when you’ll take your ex off the pedestal and understand that thinking about your ex is a big waste of time.

Not only is it unnecessary, but it’s also making it harder for you to detach and find your happiness. And “hard” is not something you need. The breakup is already plenty difficult. You now need to become emotionally independent so you can once again worry about things that actually matter.

Here are 8 tips you can follow today that will guarantee the smoothest recovery when you’re hurting because your ex is dating someone else already.

Keeping tabs on your ex serves no purpose. It only depresses you, makes you blame yourself, keeps your hope alive, and prevents you from moving on. And so does keeping your ex’s gifts.

So if your ex is dating someone else already and it hurts like hell, take my words of advice seriously. Start no contact with your ex right now. You have nothing to lose by cutting your ex out of your life. Only things to gain.

The sooner you decide to stand up for yourself and prioritize healing, the more your ex will respect you and the more you’ll respect yourself.

Your self-esteem has probably dived, so this is a good time to rebuild it.

What can you do when your ex is dating someone else?

If your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend started seeing someone else right away or soon after the breakup, the best thing you can do is to do nothing.

Doing nothing cultivates the best possible results because it gives your ex a chance to be free. Freedom will make your ex see your strength and allow your ex to respect you for your ability to handle breakups maturely.

So do your best not to:

• get revenge on your ex
• seek closure
• talk to your ex or about your ex
• show you’re hurt and in denial
• message your ex’s new partner

Trying to win your ex over with words and insecure actions is only going to push your ex toward his or her new partner and hurt you more.

That’s because neediness and insecurities could make your ex:

• laugh at you
• get a huge ego boost
• lose respect for you
• block you
• show your texts to his or her friends

It’s much better for your ex and safer for you to follow the rules of no contact and wait for your ex to make the first move. Your ex dumped you, so no matter what the circumstances are, your ex must be the one to come to you.

Your ex must find reasons to communicate with you and decide to take things further with you.

Competing with your ex’s new boyfriend/girlfriend

First of all, your ex doesn’t want you to fight for him or her. Your ex wants space because space will let your ex give his or her new relationship a chance to blossom.

You probably don’t want that to happen, but right now, you don’t have a choice. Interfering with your ex’s relationship is going to make you look really bad. It’s going to make your ex perceive you even worse than he or she already does and complicate things for both of you.

So if you want the best for yourself as well as your ex, let your ex date his or her new partner. Let your ex be free while you work on improving yourself and rebuilding your happiness and self-esteem.

The new person could be of more use to you than you think. The new man or woman could make your ex realize that you were a better romantic partner and cause your ex to rebound badly. That could force your ex to come running back and apologize for leaving.

Until that happens, though, you need to keep your composure and focus on loving yourself.

Here are some tips to remember when your ex starts dating someone else.

In the relationship with your ex, you showed who you were and what you were capable of. Now it’s the new person’s turn to impress your ex and try to have a relationship with your ex.

You’re probably thinking, “But I wasn’t my best self when I was with my ex. I neglected my ex and took my ex for granted.“

Dear reader, nobody’s perfect. Not you, your ex, or your ex’s new partner. Everybody makes mistakes—and so will your ex’s new partner. It’s just a matter of time because people are flawed by nature.

When relationships are new, we give it our best and appear to be perfect. But when things get old and emotions of excitement subside, we take each other for granted at times and sometimes even get the grass is greener syndrome.

That’s when we show how willing we are to maintain our romantic relationship.

I’m telling you this so you don’t put yourself down for the mistakes you’ve made throughout the relationship. Now that you’re no longer with the person you love, you must give your ex space and work on things that need work. You may not be able to fix the past and the way your ex felt about your words and actions, but you can make sure that you do things differently in the future.

Your ex’s new girlfriend or boyfriend will have to go through all the relationship stages. And when he or she does, the grass is greener syndrome could kick in, causing them to experience issues.

Here are 3 simple things GIGS needs to develop.

So when your ex detaches from you and starts dating someone else, keep in mind that your ex will expect this new person to be better than you. Your ex will want to have what you had, just without the disagreements or certain problems.

And your ex might get that. The real problem is that your ex will have to face different issues and find ways to resolve those issues. If he or she can’t, your ex will fail badly and see that the problem was with him/her and not you.

That’s something that could take a lot of time, so don’t wait for your ex to have an epiphany. If your ex’s new relationship is a rebound, it could take months for him or her to get through the 6 stages of a rebound relationship.

Here are those stages.

1. Infatuation
2. Honeymoon
3. Reality and conflicts
4. Nostalgia and comparisons
5. Regret and disappointment
6. Reconnection or abandonment

So if your ex is dating someone else already and it hurts, keep in mind that this new person could be the road back to your heart—even if you messed up badly.

But for that to happen, your ex must fail, get hurt, and discover your worth on his or her own.

It hurts so much! My ex doesn’t care about me at all!

If you think that your ex doesn’t care, you’re probably right. If your ex cared, he or she wouldn’t have left and started dating someone else. Your ex would have stayed by your side and helped you get over the breakup.

Dumpers who care about their exes offer sympathy and support. They show that despite breaking up, they value their ex as a human being and that they don’t want their ex to suffer.

Your ex didn’t do that. Your ex happily jumped into a relationship with someone else and showed you how little you meant to him or her.

That tells you that your ex is not very special at all. He or she isn’t someone you should be crying over and hoping to get back with. Your heart probably tells you that your ex is worth the wait, but that’s only because you’re hurt. Once you stop hurting and regain your composure, you’re going to wonder what you were thinking when you wanted to be with your ex even though your ex was with someone else.

Always remember that anyone who starts dating someone else does so because he or she doesn’t want to be with you anymore/again. It doesn’t matter if your ex told you things like, “It’s just a break, It’s not serious, I feel like we’ll get back together in the future.”

Promises after the breakup are empty. They carry no weight and assurance that the dumper will come back and actually want to be with you. So try not to hold on to hope too much. Hope is your worst enemy after the breakup as it’s keeping you in the past while your ex is dating someone else, focusing on the present and future.

A person who cares about you and wants to be with you will show you care today, not tomorrow or a week from now. He or she will do what you need to heal and not what’s best for him or her to save face and avoid guilt.

So if your ex isn’t helping you, help yourself. Sign up for therapy, confide in your family, ask your friends for help, and stay busy. The things you do after the breakup will determine how long it takes to get over the breakup and what you learn from it.

The real reason why exes come back

When dumpers break up with dumpees, they have no intention of ever coming back. To them, the breakup is final, absolute, certain, definite, and done. They’ve decided not to stay with their exes and that they must focus on their own happiness.

And that’s what they do.

Of course, this doesn’t mean that they never go back on their word. Sometimes they try to enjoy their lives but fail. They run into problems and learn that their ex was better than they’d thought. As a result, they contact their ex and find out what their ex is up to.

If their ex still longing for them, they feel that their ex can’t help them with whatever they’re going through and find someone else to date. But if their ex appears to be doing well and doesn’t need them back, they become curious about their ex and want to know more.

They want to know what’s keeping their ex busy and giving their ex strength while they’re miserable. That’s why they try to get back with their ex.

So for your ex to come back, your ex will most likely need to suffer in his or her new relationship. Your ex will need to compare you to the new person and see that you were a decent partner. That’s when your ex will start to doubt his or her new relationship and actions and wonder if you’ll take him or her back.

You need to remain strong and in control of your life so that if you still want to be with your ex when your ex wants you back, you can control the flow of the new relationship and tell your ex to work on things he or she badly needs to work on.

Let your ex come to you!

If you’re still thinking to yourself, “My ex is dating someone else already and it hurts,” your first and only priority should be to heal and get your ex out of your mind.

I know it’s hard to let your ex go, but you need to start accepting the breakup and moving on. The only way your ex will want to be with you again is if you exude strength and let your ex come to you. Any other method will likely annoy your ex and make your ex even more hesitant about being with you.

So don’t beg and plead, apologize or do anything that won’t impress your ex.

If you make post-breakup mistakes, you’ll ruin the way your ex sees you and make reconciliation very difficult. You’ll basically show you’re not on the same page with your ex and that you’re not worthy of being in a relationship with your ex.

Even if you don’t want your ex back anymore, you should still stay away from your ex. Follow no contact so that you can work on yourself and become the person you want to be.

Is your ex dating someone else already and it hurts? What are you doing to cope with anxiety? Let us know by commenting below.

And if you’d like to talk to us about your ex’s new relationship and the pain it’s giving you, visit our coaching page for more information.