Will He Come Back To Me If I Let Him Go?

It’s hard to say if a guy will come back to you if you let him go. But I can tell you that he won’t come back if you hold on to him for dear life and show him that you’re afraid to let go. That will most likely suffocate him more than you can imagine and decrease your chances of hearing from him, let alone getting back with him.

As a dumpee, there are certain things you must do, rules you must follow. Those rules are the first thing that will determine whether your ex will message you and think about revisiting the idea of getting back with you. You can read more about these rules here.

Secondly, there are quite a few post-breakup mistakes you must avoid. Making these mistakes won’t just push your ex away and reinforce his reasons for breaking up with you. It will also damage your perception of yourself (your self-esteem) and make it hard for you to recover from the breakup.

Thirdly, the things that determine if a guy will come back to you after letting him go are the events that a guy encounters on his post-breakup journey. This includes all negative experiences that take him by surprise and hurt him immensely.

Fourthly, his ability to let go of the resentment/negativity is also very important. If he can’t process the negativity and disassociate unhealthy thoughts and emotions caused by unpleasant memories/triggers, you can forget about reconciliation. He won’t be able to get out of his downward spiral and improve the way he thinks and feels about you. He’ll instead continue to be guided by the emotions he created for you a long time ago and carry on with the same mentality.

From what I see, this is the step where most dumpers fail. They feel so empowered after the breakup that they fuel their negativity with unhealthy thoughts. They do it so much they stop themselves from giving their ex the importance she deserves.

So if you’re wondering, “Will he come back to me if I let him go,” ask yourself whether your ex is the kind of person who can overcome resentments and difficult emotions. Is he self-aware enough to know what gave rise to his thoughts and negative associations?

If he is, his maturity and healthy thinking patterns may eventually allow him to calm down and respect you. But if he’s not mature, self-aware, and understanding of why he feels the way he does, then his mentality will most likely remain unchanged.

It will stay the way it is probably until something or someone forces it to change.

In this post, we’ll talk about whether a guy will come back to you if you let him go.

Will he come back to me if I let him go?

I read a few posts on the internet prior to writing this article and noticed that bloggers are saying you should do this and do that to get your ex back. But I’ve been doing this long enough to know that getting your ex back has very little to do with you. Yes, you need to avoid post-breakup mistakes and follow the rules of no contact down to a T, but those are merely the prerequisites to getting your ex back.

If your ex lacks maturity (the ability to deal with negativity) and doesn’t encounter anything stressful, painful, or self-esteem-breaking, the chances that he will realize your worth and come back are very slim.

This is because exes don’t come back for no reason when they’re happy. They come back when life gives them lemons (doesn’t go the way they planned it to go) and forces them to suffer some sort of emotional setback. That’s when reality hits them hard and forces them to reflect on their unpremeditated actions.

When they reflect, they quickly think back to times when they were happier and begin to ponder how they can be that happy again. Luckily for them, they are in a position of power with their exes, so they can just message their exes and get close to them. They can send them a message and try to meet up.

Dumpers do this so they can deal with the problem they weren’t prepared to handle on their own.

That’s why it’s very important that dumpers have a realization that they’d made a mistake, a bad choice and that their ex was the person they should have valued more. Without the realization that their ex is worth more than they thought, men (or women) just don’t come back (or stay after they’ve come back). They don’t see a reason to because they don’t learn to respect their ex and feel a need to be close to him or her.

So if you’re hoping that a guy will come back to you if you let him go, bear in mind that you barely have any control over the situation. Most of the things that determine whether your ex will return are pre-set by how good the relationship was, your ex’s maturity, and the stressors and difficulties your ex may or may not come up against in the future.

Nobody can predict if your ex will run into some kind of obstacle, but you must nonetheless give your ex what he needs to process the separation and hopefully redevelop feelings for you.

When you give your ex what he’s asked for, you’ll hit two birds with one stone.

1. You’ll make your ex happy.
2. You’ll keep your expectations low but not kill them completely. Killing them would hurt you and trigger a big setback.

Here are a few things you need to remember if you’re letting a guy go to get him back.

What will letting him go do?

Don’t think that letting a guy go will instantly make your ex love you and come back. It likely won’t be that easy because your ex craves a lot of space and independence. He wants to be alone so he can enjoy his life by doing the things he wants to do.

And that’s exactly what you’re supposed to do. You’re supposed to distance yourself from your ex and do what he expects from you.

This includes:

• ceasing all unnecessary communication (everything but urgent matters such as co-parenting)
• lowering your expectations of your ex (accepting the breakup and giving him the space to do what he wants)
• deleting his pictures from social media and showing him that you’ll survive the breakup and enjoy your life without him. This will relieve his guilt.
• focusing on yourself. The more you do that, the more your ex will respect you and think about you. Remember that your ex felt smothered because he perceived you in a negative light. Now it’s time for you to change that by falling in love with yourself again.

When you start letting your ex go, you’ll let your ex enjoy his post-breakup life the way he wanted to enjoy it. You’ll give him what he’s asked for and make him happy. So don’t think that letting him have fun is the worst thing you can do. On the contrary, it’s an absolute must because your ex has to naturally go through the 5 stages of a breakup for the dumper.

He must enjoy himself for a while, distract himself, and get his hopes up before his hopes get destroyed.

Your job as a dumpee is therefore very simple. You don’t need to keep tabs on your ex and wait for the right time to strike. All you have to do is open the doors for your ex and make sure you enjoy yourself and present yourself in the best light possible.

And that’s it.

Focus on the things that you can control. To refresh your mind, you can control two things.

1. What post-breakup mistakes you make
2. Which rules of no contact you follow.

Let him go and see what happens

When you let the guy go, you’ll have no idea if you did the right thing. You’ll most likely feel lost and confused and wonder if the guy will appreciate that you let him go or worry about it. To tell the truth, he will most likely appreciate it. At least at first because he’ll feel relieved and happy that you’ve respected his decision and left him alone.

But in return, he will also develop some respect for you. It may not be love, but don’t forget that respect is also very important. It serves as the basis on which love can develop.

For love to develop though, your ex will have to respect you and miss you first. And that’s something your ex can do only if you let him go and start no contact. Everything else will fall in place on its own provided that he gets hurt and reflects.

Again, this is something you can’t do anything about—and that’s okay! Even if your ex doesn’t come back, at least you’ll move on and find your happiness without him. You’ll realize that he’s not the right person for him and eventually find someone who is.

That’s why letting go of him is so important. It doesn’t guarantee that he’ll come back, but it does make your chances of reconciliation as high as they can be while healing your breakup wounds.

So what do you do while you wait for him to come back?

You listen to the feedback he gave you and/or reflect on your behavior. You make sure you improve your shortcomings and prepare yourself for the next relationship whether it’s with your ex or someone else.

If you still have hope your ex will come back, don’t just waste your precious time and do nothing. You and your ex will both have to improve many things before your relationship can work again. So fix the things on your end and see if your ex will fix the things on his end too.

Since your ex is the dumper, I can tell you that it’s unlikely that he’ll reflect and change for the better. He’ll most likely avoid hard work because he’ll blame the end of the relationship on you or the incompatibilities when in reality, it’s a lack of willpower and effort that broke you up.

You can point out ten or twenty differences that your relationship had, but in the end, it all comes down to inadequate willpower or in some cases awareness to resolve those differences. So improve what you can about yourself and become the best version of yourself.

If your ex changes his mind about you, he’ll see that you’ve changed and hopefully be willing to grow too.

How long will it take for him to come back if I let him go?

Since every guy is different, it’s impossible to predict how long it will take your ex to come back. On average, most dumpees hear from their exes 3-6 months into no contact. That’s how long it takes most dumpers to reach the neutrality stage of a breakup.

But if a guy is really immature and has a strong victim mentality, then it’s possible that he may never reach the neutrality stage. He may skip it and move on straight to dating someone new. If that happens, you shouldn’t blame yourself for your ex’s actions.

You shouldn’t blame your ex either.

Remind yourself that it’s your ex’s loss because he refused to work on himself and will, as a result, have to work on himself during or after his relationship. Most likely after because truth be told, people tend to think about their behavior only when they’re hurting. Just how you’re thinking about your ex and regretting your choices now that you’re unhappy with the results, your ex will have to regret them too eventually.

He may not regret them when you want him to, but that’s not something you can control. It’s completely out of your hands because what your ex does with his life is your ex’s decision. You lost the ability to influence your ex when he lost respect for you and fell out of love.

So try not to worry about how long it will take your ex to come back if you cut him off. The truth is that it will take him as long as he needs to learn that he’s made a mistake. Some men realize they’ve made a mistake a week after the breakup, some years, and others never.

This means that your ex will come back only if he gets hurt somehow and start to crave your affection. So instead of asking yourself if your ex will come back if you cut him off, ask yourself if he’s a mature guy with self-awareness who respects the women he breaks up with and struggles to deal with his stressors and finding a person to be with.

If he is the described person, then he will most likely come back after a while. He’ll probably explore other options first and then come back defeated, seeking your reassurance. If you’re not sure if he’s the person I described though, then it might be for the best that you start letting go of hope. There may still be some hope for reconciliation, but staying attached to him is not worth the emotional turmoil.

I hope you found this article informative. Post your thoughts and questions below—and I’ll get back to you.

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