Will My Ex Come Back After No Contact?

Will my ex come back after no contact is a question most dumpees ask themselves. Most of them are devastated by the breakup and, therefore, emotionally depend on their ex’s return. If their ex were to come back, they could instantly feel valued and stop hurting.

But, unfortunately, exes don’t come back when we want them to. They don’t do that just because we’re hurting and need them to validate our feelings. If anything, our anxiety and pleas only make them want to stay away from us even more.

That’s because begging suffocates and repulses them and tells them that getting back together with someone who doesn’t have his or her life together would make their life a living hell on Earth. It would force them to take care of their ex’s needs when all they want is to take care of their own.

You see, if confidence and self-esteem are traits that attract new people to us, then they’re also traits that attract exes. They are the most valuable traits a person can possess as they prove that a person is self-sufficient and capable of helping others.

So if you’re wondering whether your ex will come back after no contact, the very first thing you should ask yourself is “How good are my confidence and self-esteem?” Am I presenting myself as a valuable individual who can contribute to my ex’s life rather than just take from it?

If you were codependent, argumentative, extremely jealous, or highly demanding in the relationship with your ex, chances are that you didn’t give your ex what your ex wanted from you. Instead of allowing your ex to be happy and relaxed, you forced your ex to act the way you wanted him or her to act and tired your ex out.

You essentially showed that you wanted things to go your way and that you were incompatible in some ways. Of course, incompatibility doesn’t necessarily mean that you were too fundamentally different and that it’s impossible for you to work together in the future.

It just means that you weren’t willing or capable of adapting and growing together and that your ex had “no choice” but to attach negativity to your persona and leave you when negative emotions overwhelmed your ex and got out of hand.

The real, problem, regardless of what the actual problem is is that your ex had associated so much negativity with you that he or she thought that leaving you was the only way to breathe and be happy. Your ex concluded that the relationship wasn’t healthy, loving, or beneficial and that nothing in the world could ever change that.

This means that your ex perceived you (and still does) as a person who can’t change and that unless something or someone changes that perception, your ex likely never will. Not of his or her own accord because your ex won’t just get up one day and see that he or she still loves you. That’s not how reconciliations happen.

Most dumpers who get back together with their ex do so after careful consideration. And they give their ex careful consideration when they have a good (often emotional) reason for it.

Most of the time, something painful and self-reflective has to happen to them before they can realize their ex’s worth. And that dear reader is something you have no control over. You can’t make your ex see what a great partner you were (especially if you weren’t). Only your ex can do that through experimentation (often by dating other people) and self-discovery.

So don’t spend endless days and nights ruminating about your ex and calculating the chances of reconciliation. Whether the breakup just occurred or it’s been days, weeks, or even months since you last heard from your ex, try not to hold on to hope and look for reconciliation success stories.

The more you do that, the more time you’ll spend doing things that actually matter. Things like working on yourself, enjoying your life, and letting go of your ex.

This article is for dumpees who wonder if their ex will come back after no contact.

Will my ex come back after no contact?

Unfortunately, there isn’t a single person on this planet who can answer this question with 100% accuracy. People don’t have the answer to this question because they have no idea what kind of person your ex is, what’s going on inside your ex’s head, and what’s happening in his or her life.

All I can do is generalize and tell you what you can do to increase your chances of success and what your ex will need to remember your good traits and desire them.

So without further ado, the very first thing you should do to increase your chances of getting back together with your ex is to preserve your value as a dumpee. Your ex has painted a black picture of you and thinks that he or she knows you inside out. As a result, your ex is now holding on to that picture because doing so gives your ex strength and control.

It empowers your ex in ways that prevent your ex from going back on his or her word. Of course, time could slowly fade the colors of this image, but it won’t erase all of its blackness. Those colors need much more than just time and distance.

They need external factors to change them. External factors could be anything from anxiety, stress, and depression to romantic failures, career failures, and anything that hurts your ex’s ego, self-esteem, and pride and affects the way he or she perceives people.

But the problem is that even if things go wrong in your ex’s life, there’s no guarantee that your ex will succumb to their pressure. Your ex would need to be unprepared for them and get his hopes crushed. That’s the only way your ex could realize that what he/she had with you was worth the time and effort and that the relationship deserves another chance.

You’ve probably heard of no contact already, so I won’t talk about what it does too much. But the idea is that your ex (just like you) needs to process the breakup. You have to work through anxiety whereas your ex has to get rid of relief and stop associating bad qualities with who you are as a person.

This is something no contact could help you with. Again, it’s not a guarantee because if your ex is a hateful person and has no intention of giving you the credit you deserve, nothing will ever help your ex see you in a better light. It’s your ex’s job to let go of unhealthy perceptions and emotions from the past because your ex has created them.

With that said, here’s what your ex needs to do to come back after no contact.

You need to stay away from “Will he come back after no contact” quizzes and questions that not even your ex has answers to. Instead, remember that reconciliations require misfortune, self-reflection, realization, and regret. Without these things, dumpers don’t come back. Or if they come back, they tend to leave again because they come back for the wrong reasons.

Don’t set a date by which your ex should come back!

If you’re trying to get back with your ex, keep in mind that it could take your ex a very long time to realize your worth and want you back. It could take months, years, or decades even. You don’t have that kind of time to waste on your ex because your top priority should be to accept the fact that your ex may not come back.

It won’t be easy to do that at first because anxiety will control your rationality. But eventually (after some time), you’ll see that your ex was a quitter and that you shouldn’t keep waiting for him or her to have an epiphany.

If you set a date by which your ex will come back, you could get extremely disappointed. Pinning hopes on another person’s return is a bad idea. Not only will it make you emotionally dependent on good results, but it will also make you wait for your ex.

You’ll be putting your life on hold for someone who isn’t doing the same for you. So think about that. How much love, admiration, and commitment do you think your ex deserves? How much time should you wait for your ex? If you ask me, your ex can be the most famous, smartest, richest, and most good-looking person there is but your ex still doesn’t deserve a single second of your time.

Now that your ex is your ex, your ex doesn’t deserve what he or she doesn’t give. Let me reiterate that. Your ex isn’t worthy of unconditional love because your ex isn’t giving it back to you.

Love requires reciprocation, which means that those who don’t give it back, shouldn’t be getting it.

Instead of waiting for your ex to come back after no contact, put your attention on yourself and figure out how you can stop ruminating about your ex coming back and loving you. When you start doing that, you should soon realize that the breakup pain gets easier with time and that waiting for your ex is a waste of life.

You’ve got to focus on people who love you for who you are today and not on those who might one day get hurt and realize your worth because of some kind of failure.

How can you tell if your ex will come back?

As I’ve mentioned at the start of the article, you can never be 100% certain your ex will realize his or her mistakes and come back. The most you can do is try to understand what kind of exes come back and see if your ex fits into those categories.

With that said, dumpers who come back tend to have good incentives for coming back. The most important and common incentive is them having a good relationship with their ex and a bad one with someone new. This difference in quality and happiness can force some dumpers to open their eyes and discern their ex’s value.

That’s because realizing that they traded a good relationship for a bad one shocks them. It makes them suffer seller’s remorse and forces them to come running.

As a dumpee, you shouldn’t know what your ex is doing after the breakup. But if you somehow found out that your ex is dating and that his or her relationship has been experiencing difficulties from the start, you can be almost certain that they’ll break up. It’s only a matter of time before someone gets tired of fighting and leaves.

That doesn’t mean that your ex will come back, of course, but the chances are pretty good.

The second way to tell your ex will come back after no contact is to observe how your ex communicates with you. If your ex is having a difficult time coping with stress and problems, your ex will likely need you back soon to rely on you. Probably when life gets too difficult for your ex to handle it on his or her own.

That’s when your ex’s texts and calls will increase and show you that your ex is after your support and recognition. You need to exude confidence and enjoy your life until then so you don’t give your ex what your ex needs before your ex can give you what you need.

No contact isn’t a game. It’s survival of the fittest. If your ex isn’t happy with life after the breakup and/or can’t handle problems, your ex will likely message you or some other ex to get the support he or she needs. Your ex will try to fall back on the person he or she used to be closest with because doing so will almost instantly ease anxiety and solve problems.

But if your ex doesn’t need help with anything or doesn’t respect you or any other ex, then your ex will probably just move on and find someone else to date. You need to keep in mind that dumpees are backup plans for dumpers and that they come back only when they can’t find or keep something better.

Did your ex come back after no contact? Did no contact work for you? Post your observations, questions, and tips in the comments below.

And also, if you’re looking for relationship or breakup coaching, click here to get in touch.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Learn more about me or get in touch today.