The power of no contact after the breakup does miracles as it yields one of the following three results:
- Guides your ex back into the relationship with you.
- Helps you move on.
- Gives you the power to move on and helps you realize you don’t want your ex back.
The time in no contact is invaluable as it gives you the clarity you couldn’t obtain when you were in a relationship with your ex.
Not only does staying away from your ex help you correct your shortcomings, but it also helps you realize exactly what you want and don’t want in your next relationship.
The reason why the no contact rule is so effective is not only because dumpers often realize the dumpees’ worth. It’s also very effective because dumpees realize their own worth.
Once they do, they say to me, “I don’t know what I was thinking when I dated my ex. I don’t want my ex back anymore! I just want someone who will fight for the relationship.“
Or perhaps they’ve found someone better and they say, “My new partner is a million times better than my ex. Everything is much smoother now that I finally feel valued.“
Whatever your story is, chances are you will feel this way too when you finally realize you don’t want, and especially—don’t need your ex back.
This article is for those dumpees who don’t want their ex back because they’ve finally realized their true value. It’s also for those who are still struggling with the post-breakup blues and think their ex is a one of a kind unicorn.
I don’t want my ex back
If you don’t want your ex back, first of all, congratulations! You’ve come a long way and feel good on your own or with someone else.
You’ve detached from your ex at your own pace to the point where you finally respect yourself more than your ex.
It took some time and a lot of conscious effort to move on from a person who dumped you or even left you for someone else so good job on coming this far. It took a lot of courage to pick up the remnants of your self-esteem and pull yourself together after such a difficult ordeal.
Now that you’re finally free from the wrath of your ex, you must be feeling incredibly independent and ready for a new adventure.
Perhaps you don’t want to date another person just yet and that’s completely understandable. But the fact that you don’t want your ex back speaks for itself.
It says you’re prioritizing your own interests and overall well-being over your ex’s—which is an incredible feeling.
You’re probably telling yourself just how great it feels to be free of an unhealthy attachment and just take care of your own wants and needs now that you don’t want your ex back.
Why don’t I want my ex back?
It’s not always the dumpee’s fault the breakup occurred. And even if it was the dumpee’s fault, the dumpees don’t deserve the punishment that some dumpers personally deliver. Nobody deserves to suffer, after all.
Since the breakup pain is so excruciating, many dumpees eventually realize that they don’t want their exes back because they’ve suffered enough the first time.
When they detach from their exes, dumpees discern that their exes aren’t their best options. Some notice that their exes didn’t treat them fairly in a relationship and especially after.
That’s why dumpees make a decision that they can’t risk getting back with their exes and experience heartbreak and disrespect again.
So if you don’t want your ex back—not only for five minutes but for a week, a month or longer, that’s great news! It means you’ve detached to the point where you are able to stand up for yourself.
This detachment implies that you deserve better, don’t want your ex back, and want something different or more than what you’ve had in a relationship with your ex.
Detachment allows you to see your ex for who he or she is
Don’t be afraid to fully detach from your ex. It’s truly one of the best feelings you can experience as a dumpee when you’ve been experiencing nothing but staggering breakup pain for weeks or months.
And even if you didn’t feel much pain from the abandonment, it’s possible you still don’t want your ex back.
The realization that your ex had made a big mistake by treating you like a second-class citizen post-breakup is sometimes enough to completely let go.
The dumpees that have other options, high self-esteem and know their worth recover incredibly fast after a breakup. Unfortunately, these aren’t usually the people that get broken up with. They are more often than not the dumpers themselves.
What will I feel when I finally don’t want my ex back?
When you don’t want your ex back, you will feel complete detachment. Also, most if not all anger toward your ex will be gone.
Any debts that your ex owes you will be forgotten and you will no longer want to get even with your ex for any mistreatment. You will no longer want your ex to feel the pain you feel and you may even want the best for your ex despite what he or she has put you through.
The memories from the past you will either look upon as something pleasant and memorable. Or perhaps you will avoid thinking about your fond memories altogether and completely leave the past behind.
People that don’t want their ex back anymore usually become so content with themselves that they think it wouldn’t be worth going back to a dysfunctional relationship.
Every breakup happens for a reason so it’s safe to say that relationships that break apart are dysfunctional in one way or another. Perhaps they aren’t dysfunctional to the extreme, but at least the relationship mentality isn’t right.
Why do people stay in relationships for so long?
Most people stay in relationships because they don’t frankly know what they want and deserve. They stay even though their partners aren’t right for them and often treat them wrong.
People stay in dysfunctional relationships, hoping things would change. And since people are creatures of habit, things almost never change for the better. If anything, they stay exactly the same or gradually get much worse.
I hear dumpees tell me, “I loved my ex despite all imperfections, flaws, tantrums, and bad communication patterns. I stayed even though I often felt horrible and we didn’t really get along very often.“
There are a lot of people out there who put up with a lot more than they should. And there’s a reason why they do it.
It’s because they feel trapped in relationships. They are attached to their partner, but so afraid of leaving and being on their own.
They feel like they’ve made a life-long commitment as a partner, married person or as a responsible parent. People sincerely think that leaving would be a breach of trust and a loss of personal strength.
The longer these people stay in bad relationships, the more attached they become. And the more attached they become, the harder it becomes for them to leave, or when their partner leaves.
Unhealthy attachments
Although commitments are good, unhealthy attachments and staying in the relationship for the sake of the kids or finances is not a good idea. As a matter of fact, it’s the quickest way to get mentally ill.
As Anthony Robbins, a famous life coach says, “The quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives.”
He’s absolutely right. Staying in a dreadful, emotionally-dependant relationship is the worst. It makes you hopeless and miserable beyond belief.
Unhealthy relationships are the worst kinds of drugs you can legitimately take. They keep you hooked and destroy you from within until you feel weak and useless on your own.
And as a bonus, your partner eventually gets tired of being in absolute control and abandons you when you’re at your worst.
The reason why I don’t want my ex back
Here’s a personal story as to why I don’t want my ex-girlfriend back.
When I got dumped by my ex, I wanted her back just like most dumpees. The fact that she put all the blame on me, I inadvertently neglected her worst negative traits and blamed myself for the destruction of the relationship.
At first, I tried to reason with her, so I asked her to reconsider and think things through. This, of course, never happened as she resorted to ignoring and threatened me with blocking.
Since I entered no contact and stayed there pretty much indefinitely, I slowly started to detach from my ex-partner. About 4 – 5 months into NC when I detoxed completely, I discerned just how unhappy I was in my relationship with her.
The longer I stayed away from her, the more I started to see the bigger picture. I saw that our arguments were frequent and unhealthy, the support I received from her was inexistent, and the number of things I’ve contributed to her life with was as if she was a princess.
And as her prince, I reckoned I deserved similar treatment when I was still with her.
It was one of those take-take relationships which drained me of my own life in order for me to spice up hers.
This instability occurs when the person you get involved with doesn’t reciprocate on your level. Due to imbalance, codependency slowly begins to form and before you know it, you become so emotionally invested you begin to live to serve and protect your partner like your own child.
Conclusion
If your dumper wants you back and you don’t want your ex back, you’ve come very, very far. You’ve come so far that your rational thinking has overcome the hurt from the breakup.
Now that you’re detached, you’re able to discern what’s best for you and your life.
Although it’s not for me to decide whether you want your ex back or not, I’d only like you to hear me out.
I think that all breakups have to happen for the dumpee, the dumper or both to learn a valuable lesson.
The dumper sometimes has to be shown with no contact what the dumpee brings to the table. Or the dumpee has to learn a lesson to respect and treat his or her ex better. Sometimes both have things to learn and the breakup provides just that.
But if you were treated horribly in the relationship and after the breakup and you choose not to get back with your ex, I think it’s amazing news.
All relationships aren’t meant to work out so there’s no need to get back with the person who isn’t the best possible option for you. You would be settling for someone who wouldn’t make you internally happy—which would basically make you miserable for life.
You probably don’t want your ex back when the quality of your life is at stake. Or do you?
I don’t know you and I think you deserve the best your life has to offer.
Are you thinking, “I don’t want my ex back anymore?” If you are or you wish to be over and done with your ex already, leave your thoughts below.
10 days into no contact and I am able to see how horribly he treated me. We got into an argument and he shut me out saying we should take some space and talk later. In that moment I realized how disrespectful he had been to me over the last year, when I treated him like a prince. He cheated on me and then wouldn’t cut the other girl out of his life, even though he said he wanted to be with me. It caused a lot of stress and anxiety for me and I felt like I was doing all the work to repair our relationship. As if I had been the one who did something wrong. So when he said let’s take some space I replied that I wanted more than space. That I didn’t want to be with him or see him again. He didn’t reply. I’ve had some sad moments but also so much relief. I feel angry at him for not treating me with respect. I feel angry at myself for putting up with his behaviour for so long. I 100% will not be going back to that hell. He used to blame my anxiety for causing issues. Well my anxiety has decreased exponentially since I left. Turns out he was a major reason for my anxiety. I never felt totally safe in the relationship and like I couldn’t trust him. I should have trusted my gut and ended it a long time ago. No contact isn’t about trying to get him back. It’s about getting myself back. I will have to see him sooner or later to get my things back. Unfortunately it’s not things I can just leave and forget about. I’m waiting for my anger to subside before reaching out to arrange to get my things. And my plan is to get in and out as quickly as possible. Not going to sit and talk about the end of the relationship and what went wrong. I already told him enough times how his behaviour was hurting me. I’m feeling free again and getting back to my old self. I feel good things are on the horizon.
Hi Marie.
Relationships determine 80% of your happiness, so make sure to choose a good partner for yourself. The best way to deal with getting your stuff back is to have your friends or family message your ex. They can collect it themselves or ask for it to be shipped. Delivery services will take care of everything for you, Marie. You don’t need to see your ex. That would be an unnecessary meetup.
Sincerely,
Zan
I’m a week into breakup. I broke no contact as I blocked her and was asking when she would return my air purifier I lent her. We have been together 3 years and it ended suddenly as she has trust issues (partly my fault, long story but we reconciled back in September after a break). I gave no reason not to trust but she still can’t let it go. I sent a mature text saying I wish her well etc etc and that hopefully down the line we can rekindle a friendship or more but that’s on her. I’ve had no contact since. But now on day 7 I’m feeling so much better, I can look at her picture without that sinking feeling I had a few days ago and I actually feel really positive. Now to wait to see if she reaches out, I’ve done no begging or pleading since the day of breakup, even then it was just a message saying I love her… I haven’t grovelled at all. Having said that, if she does reach out (I’m still not sure she will or if the no contact rule really works), I’m not even sure I’d take her back, certainly not straight away. I’m worth more than that.
Hi James.
You already broke up twice, so something very significant has to change before you get back together. Don’t take her back just because that would make you feel good for a while.
Best,
Zan
I’m 2 weeks into NC my ex made me cry everyday for the last month (given – he did break up with me and then a week later I had a miscarriage and didn’t even know I was pregnant!). I haven’t told him and I never will.
He never took responsibility for his part in how his actions reduced me to tears everyday during that final month instead all i got was a “I’m sorry YOU feel that way” and he would just ditch our fixed date nights to go drinking with the boys. Heaven forbid I skip out on date night though – would never hear the end of it!!! In retrospect I was a priority at the start of our relationship until I wasn’t – really depended on his mood – which swung like a pendulum.
I think the word I would use to describe him is “Chaotic” the way he behaved that last month was very manic – he refused to get therapy but knew he could benefit from it. He hasn’t reached out since NC and a part of me cannot believe this – I was such a good gf and he was in the wrong every time. Before I let my ego get the best of me. Let’s move on …. I hope the next 2 weeks help – I’m hoping for an indefinite NC too. The relationship was toxic – I went to the movies by myself one Saturday while he was off drinking with the boys and cried into my popcorn watching all the other couples taking their seats :'( Yeah.
I want a partner not a guy who comes and goes according to his schedule & his nights out with the boyzz.
The Universe has been sending signs from day 1 of NC – it’s got my back – i’ve had grade A options reach out from day 1!!! How lucky am i!!! I didn’t let myself go in the relationship and I booted him off my socials gradually cause he was always lurking and it would just piss me off!
Here’s to us the women who choose to move on and accept nothing less than what we deserve.
Hi tootsie pop.
I’m sorry to hear you had to go through that. It’s obvious that your ex valued you only at the start of the relationship when things were fresh and he still needed to impress you. But soon into the relationship, he started to show you his true colors and treated you poorly. I suppose the breakup needed to occur. He just wasn’t the right guy for you (or anyone).
Now you can heal and get over his neglect—and eventually find someone better suited for you.
You’ve got this. Stay strong!
Zan
Really good advice!
This is a great article! Thank you
My first ever boyfriend of five months and half a year, he told me days ahead of time and then he left me.
He left me to help his family since his father passed away they really have needed him the most… He knew it would be hard to leave me none of it was supposed to easy for us, he had to do this and it wasn’t my fault. It has been the hardest thing to accept, to move on from, and to let go of him. After the pain, I felt from the fallout of this long-term relationship I don’t want him back. I feel like I was lost for a bit in mourning what we had and that we were no longer dating. We both talked about being friends which didn’t work well.
I will cherish the fond memories of our dates and working with him in Colorado forever. We basically lived together and I learned a lot about myself, both of us grew in this relationship. Being so attached emotionally and so comfortable about having him as my first love. Love is one of those emotions, I felt with him because he came into my life at the right time when I needed somone to guide me. I’m not saying he’s the only person, I’ll ever love. I know my ex always wanted me to realize my full potential and my own worth. One day, I will likely reach out to him, but not right now.
I am aware that one of our big issues was open communication and I tried to get him to work on it while we were together because, I’m the chatty one I have no trouble talking about how I feel unless it’s really personal. I didn’t think I was asking for too much by wanting something as simple as a phone call or a good morning text message. I did get what asked for just not everyday from him and that was okay we’re both busy. I’m not perfect, I did obssessively look at his social media and text him only to get no response. I learn best the hard way it’s how I am, I have accepted that we are no longer talking. We also, have different views on children, I see them as a gift to the world while the thought of him being an expecting father overwhelmed him and it never happened to be clear I’m not having a kid with him. It really opened my eyes to see someone get so angry and frustrated with me over this one thing. I didn’t always see this side of my ex-boyfriend it was rare for him to lash out at me. I’ve been able to openly tell him that I think our views are different therefore our wants and needs aren’t the same.
Hey there,
This was a really good read. Many of the things said with in the article was very insightful and fell in line with how I am feeling. Unfortunately, I have to see my ex every day at work and at first I had anxiety over it especially when he would laugh at me, roll his eyes, took delight in seeing me upset and painted me in a bad light to other colleagues.
It has been a year now since the “relationship” ended and I feel better. I know I deserved better and I want better for myself. I do not want him back and made it very clear I do not want to engage in anyway with him unless it is work related. To which he can send me an email because I do not want to experience the open disrespect and contempt he displayed towards me in front of colleagues at work and in private. It has been very uncomfortable. Eventually, I called him out on it and told him I do not have a problem with him. He stopped. As per the coworkers, I directly asked if there is a concern they need to talk about and they stopped being mean. At least not to my face anymore.
We all did not see each other for a while due to COVID and that time was amazing for me because it let me heal and not feel so anxious when I ran into these people. When we started going back to work, I noticed these same people tried to be “nicer’. However, the damage was already done, sensed it was not genuine and it was their chance to feel out if I would be nice again just because they felt like being nice right now. I remember Maya Angelou’s quote, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” And I feel like I will never forget how those people made me feel uncomfortable at work, how my ex belittled me and as the author mentioned treated me as “second-rate citizen” which has made me not trust them or want to be near them…even for a paycheck. I am not mean and I do the bare minimum in order to not create a hostile work environment from my side. I will not betray myself and definitely learned my lesson not to date where I work. I have never have before and I went against myself thinking he was a stand-up guy who turned out to lie, cheat and was dismissive to my needs as long as his were met. He was a bit narcissistic as well as mentally and emotionally abusive.
When we retuned to work, I did feel a bit confused and even felt guilty because at one point I cared very deeply for him and now I feel nothing romantic or hatred, I feel out of love with him when and I learned to accept the feeling was not mutual. I Learned to deal with my own shame that I fell for fake a relationship he offered for his own sexual pleasures and did not honor the deep connection I was seeking. Now, I am very guarded and I show no emotion or reaction as to I want healthy boundaries within a work place. So far, he has tried to get my attention but I look ahead and keep my eyes looking forward. If I am spoken to I will respond very short and politely as to so not to make it a further hostile environment from my end. I have really focused on taking the higher road and being smarter about everything. It is my last year at that site and I look forward to leaving.
Best to all on their journey.
Is been two weeks since i broke up with my ex. I trusted her and i loved her with all my heart. I put her first over me and i treated her like my own family even though we weren’t married yet. I made sacrifices for her at the risk of those that really love me just because i want her to be happy. I lost alot of my friends becuse of her. But all she did was insult, embarassed me and made fun of me alot in front of her friends. She treated me like crap but all i did was understand, loved and supported her in every way i could. And what got me so attached was when she made me promise that i would never replace her and she promised me too that she would never leave me. That was the promise we made to each other but she broke hers and i felt obligated to keep mine that was why i kept forgiving her for everything she made me go through. We were still dating but she found a new technique to make me suffer. Kissing and doing romantic stuff in front of me with a stranger i didnt know at that point. I couldnt complain cause i was already deep into the relationship and i said some hurtful things to her in the past out of anger becuz of the way she treated. And i didnt want to hurt her again and i was scared of loosing her. Then things got too much i told myself i cant take it anymore, i told her what i wanted for us. Asking her if she wanted they same thing but she ignored choosing that stranger over me. All my life for 2years and 8months i spent my life loving her and treating her like my family and all she ever gave me was pain upon pain and suffering. They anger was just to defend myself and i admitted i was wrong i shoudnt have said those hurtful things to her. And she made sure i suffered for it as i almost killed myself out of guilt and fustration. I asked myself everyday was i such a bad person cause i know everybody have a bad side that they struggle with but was i really a bad person that deserved to be treated that way. Humilated, insulted, treated like nothing and abandoned so many times by her. But they fear of loosing her and how much i loved her was what kept me in the ill-fated relationship. I finally got the courage to break up with her finally. Telling her how she made me feel and how crazy and psycho i almost became because of her. I did therapy plenty times out of depression and i told her about the sucide thing but she didnt care instead she laughed about it. After i told her my mind then i blocked her from all my social media and deleted her number. The honest truth is i don’t hate her and at the same time i regret dealing with all the problems she made me go through with anger because it just made no different from her. I should have just ignored her and left the relationship when it got toxic instead i stayed i took it all out of stupid silly love that i hate right now. If i had died like i wanted to that day i won’t be here writing this message to u right now. I forgive her for everything she did to me, i feel no anger towards her. I have actually let it all go but the problem is that everything she did to me is like a nightmare everynight to me, i can’t unsee it or forget it. It doesnt hurt me but it hunts me everyday and i don’t think i can get over it. How i feel right now is that i don’t want to see her or have anything to do with her ever in my life not even as friends or enemies. I don’t hate her but i just don’t want to see her anymore and i’m scared because we go to the same school and we stay in the same School hostel
I am hoping to be able to completely detach from my ex, but by just thinking about it, I feel sad. I want to completely let go of her and move on with my own. Pls help.
This one will blow all of your minds, I have spent the last week reading all 21 pages of the blog, I wish I would have seen this 30 years ago, or it would have been available 30 years ago. My ex cheated on me in the worst way, she was in the process of Monkey branching when I proposed to her and she accepted, a few weeks later she comes to me and admits she has been cheating for a month or so, crying uncontrollably professing how she didn’t mean to hurt me, my dumb ass forgave her on the spot and allowed her to keep seeing the other cheater ( now I am not sure he knew) while seeing me as well, I thought I could handle it but I couldn’t, she immediately started sleeping with the guy but wouldn’t even kiss me, and I tried to go along but couldn’t the hurt and rage built up to the point that we started arguing and fighting everyday. I loved this girl unconditionally. Finally I went no contact because of location change because my dad come and got me because my drinking and mental state had deteriorated to the point I was no long sleeping unless I was passed out, I couldn’t sleep in my bed alone, every girl I went out with I felt like I was cheating on my ex, I had girls interested but none would really touch me,it was 2 months before one would go out with me, this was before my dad come and got me, What we have now discovered due to an incident that has brought about the return of the pain from the break up 30 years ago, ( we have seen one another but not spoken in 30 years) Since my dad died I am on ambian and for some stupid reason I sent her a friend request and she denied it after 30 years, all I wanted was closure, just tell me what I did so bad to make her treat me that way, just an apology, she knew that I was in straight jacket condition but she never once asked about me or checked on me.
We found out through counseling that I needed 30 years that I didn’t get, that I am no getting is I have a form of PTSD from, because I have had a hyper sensitive amygdala, what that means is that when traumatic events happen my brain will not time stamp when it happens, so when memories come back, I relive that moment all over again, I have to do breathing exercises to regain my composure. I wrote her a letter, to her parents house, because I didn’t want to seem like stalking, telling her what was wrong with me and wanted her to know I had no ill feeling towards her any more.
She married the guy she was cheating on me with, so I know she never worked on changing who she was or her internal behaviors, since reading these articles I figured out she married because she coulodnt stand to be along, and there was just some thing about me that she felt insecure about but would not talk to me about. I just wish she would tell me or talk to me, I have been married 28 years to a wonderful woman. Matter of fact, I had a couple of dates after my ex and I broke up but then there was an 18 month span where I dated no one, no hook ups no booty calls not nothing, until I met my wife. So I know I had moved on and no longer wanted my ex back but what she did had caused some very serious trust issues that almost cost me my marriage. But it seems to have worked out, but still it blows me away how to two people who were joined at the hip for 2 years cannot speak or one wont speak after 30 years.
Hi there,
I was with a narcissist for 16 years. I stayed & waited for the change that never came. We nearly broke up a number of times over the time. But it just never happened until the end. She put her own needs, family and an ex above everything else. Not to mention a pot habit. I have borderline personality disorder. I won’t deny I wasn’t the easiest person with high anxiety. However in my defence I did get help. I now realise the relationship was highly disfunctional. My only regret is I didn’t have the confidence to leave earlier than I did. As the trust was lost within the first 6 months. Even though we broke up in July of 18. Unfortunately I am still feeling the affects of being betrayed. She moved on in January. Already engaged by June. So I can see no love lost for me. But as she said early in the relationship. There is always plenty of fish in the sea. After everything I went through. I don’t want her back. I couldn’t possibly do it again. I would like to move forward with my life. Be happy again. But the pain of the past does wear on me. I am certainly not ready for love. Far from it. I need to deal with the past first. So I can finally find someone who will give me the true love and the healthy relationship I am looking for. However must work on myself first.
Hi Donna.
That’s a long time to spend with a narcissist.
Focus on yourself now and as you say, deal with the past first. When you process everything that’s happened to you, your present will become much easier to live.
When you’re ready, you will find someone who will treat you better.
Kind regards,
Zan
Hi,
I’ve discovered your articles recently and even though I don’t agree with every single idea of yours, I really like your writing style.
For me, the best articles are those that focus on your future, your own mental health and self growth, rather than those that make you ruminate over the breakup.
I was wondering if you could write an article about regaining your innocence and trust in people after being hurt not only in relationships but also at work.
I hope you find my suggestion interesting!
Keep up the great work!
Hi Alice.
Thank you for your kind words. I find your suggestion very interesting and would like to feature it. If you’d like to give me a few more pointers, feel free to reply to this comment or send me an email.
Kind regards,
Zan
Did your ex come back after you’ve moved on? What did you do?
Hi Nuna.
My ex didn’t come back.
I’ve let her know a long time ago that I’m not interested in her and to let me be.
Kind regards,
Zan
Hey Zan, off the back of your reply. Was your ex one of the cases that she didn’t re contact you in NC ever after? Or did you tell her not to bother you quite early on that’s why you never heard? I found your words re going co dependant and treating like your own child got me in the feels. That’s exactly what happened to me. I’m 6 months into NC
Good article again. I find all your breakup articles very helpful
Hi Dave.
Thanks for the comment.
My ex reached out after about 5 months of NC when I told her to leave me alone. It was the best decision I’ve ever made.
I’m glad you find this blog helpful. I’m truly grateful!
Kind regards,
Zan
Another eye opener for me. At this point, I realize I don’t want him back. I am not totally over him yet but life seems okay and going well even without him…
Hi again, Jes.
I hope you’re well.
It’s truly great to hear that you don’t want your ex back. Your life will only keep getting better and better as you stay away from him. All you have to do is be open-minded and amazing things will happen to you!
Great job!
Zan
Hi,
I commented on my ex left me for someone else. I have cried, I have lost weight, I begged yes I did and I pleaded and he still went knowing how much I love him. I have come to the point where I feel I really can’t take him back even if he were to transform overnight. The lies, cheating, disrespect and total dismissal I can’t get over. I have some pride left and I will pick it up and go work on myself. NO I don’t wabt him back.
Hi Ananti.
That’s great to hear!
I’m glad you’ve realized just how much you’re actually worth and how your ex isn’t a saint. Good job and keep up the great work!
I wish I could hear how happy you will be on your own or with someone else once you get over him completely.
Kind regards,
Zan
Hi thanks for replying. I do miss him and think about him don’t get me wrong, but I can’t see a way forward. He treated me so badly. I still get emotional when I think about it.
He tried to reach out when he saw I was not going so. I was polite and responded 2 to 6 hours later to each text. I think it shocked him as we are LDR I usually responded immediately. The last text I received was how is your day and I said I’m great. And he thinks he left me hanging… But I don’t care. I just don’t want to talk to him. He friendzoned me first, then started seeing the “friend” from his country with whom he says is low drama.
And the have more in common. Asked me to be friends avd really genuinely expected me to take up the offer.
He complained that I caused too much drama. I only caused drama as he made little to no effort towards me of the relationship. Nearly 5 years and we never even went to the cinema together. He never booked time off to be with me. I always did, I always made the journey to visit, I didn’t my money, he was not a gentleman. Oh well, you win some and you lose some.
Hi Ananti.
I wouldn’t call this past relationship of yours a loss.
You merely got together with a person who doesn’t invest in you and would instead have you do everything for him. This imbalanced the whole relationship and made him inadvertently take advantage of your kindness.
Heal from this guy and find someone who will treat you like a gentleman.
Kind regards,
Zan
But you didn’t lose anything. You won his absence. Everyone you lose is not a loss! You should be celebrating