Dumpees are incredibly afraid of their exes being over them. The thought of their dumpers forgetting about them is gut-wrenching. It gives them so much anxiety it makes them sick to the stomach.
As a result of incessant stress, dumpees often suffer from depression, nightmares, and other breakup symptoms.
Believe it or not, but one of the most common breakup questions I receive is, “Is my ex over me?
Since this question is so common, I believe we should finally get some things straight.
In this article, we’ll discuss whether your ex is over you and the actions you should consider taking immediately after the breakup.
Is my ex over me?
Many dumpees feel intense post-breakup emotions toward their exes. These emotions are also the reason why they believe that their dumpers are feeling the same way.
They say things like, “I feel connected to my ex so surely my ex must be feeling the same. I wouldn’t feel this way if my ex didn’t feel what I do!“
Unfortunately, dumpers don’t feel the same way toward their dumpees. Most of the time, dumpers don’t experience any separation anxiety at all. The same can be said for the dumpee’s syndrome.
I suppose we could say they have it easy due to all the pent-up pre-breakup emotions. Conflicting and doubting emotions whilst still in a relationship with the dumpee are the reasons why dumpers are more often than not over their exes before they even deal the final blow.
So when the breakup finally occurs, they appear cold, distant and determined. Nothing and no one can sway them away from their rationally premeditated and emotionally empowered decision.
Breakups are so hard, and it’s truly sad that dumpees have to suffer when dumpers seem to be at the top of the world, living their lives to the fullest.
It sucks, but it’s just the way emotionally detached people are. They care about themselves so they do what they feel is right for them.
Signs my ex is over me for good
The best way to know your ex is over you is by observing his or her words and actions. There is no better way to assess your ex’s commitment, love, loyalty, and respect for you than to see how he or she acts toward you.
Here are some ways to tell your ex is over you:
- unquenchable anger
- extreme bitterness
- annoyance
- insults and disrespect
- coldness
- short or no replies
- no interest or no conversation initiation
- bailing and making excuses
- fiery eyes
- no warm, friendly or approachable opportunities
- avoiding you like the plague
- making fun of you and revealing your secrets
- telling you to date someone else while he/she does the same
To be honest, most breakups entail at least one or two of the above-mentioned signs. They may not be that extreme, but nonetheless, still quite apparent to the heartbroken dumpee.
To put it in simple terms, if you want to know whether your ex is over you, all you have to do is discern whether your ex wants you near him or her.
If the answer is no and your ex hates your guts, then your ex is most likely over you completely.
But if your ex broke up with you and doesn’t mind spending time with you, then your ex is likely still over you and could have different plans with you. Your ex could be stringing you along.
Is my ex stringing me along?
A dumper that strings another dumpee usually doesn’t have bad intentions. That person merely wants the best of both worlds. He or she is over the dumpee but wants to stay friends and stay on good terms.
Little does that dumper realize that the dumpee needs to be left alone to get over him or her. Since the dumper instead stays in the dumpee’s life, he or she instead gives false hope to the dumpee—which reopens the dumpee’s wounds.
The dumper doesn’t want the dumpee to have any hurt feelings and also wants the best for himself or herself. He or she likes the dumpee as a friend, but not any more than that while the dumpee obviously wants the relationship to return to its best state.
This sort of imbalance often occurs due to a lack of attraction, caused by a lack of relationship knowledge and often—incompatibilities.
So if you feel your ex is over you and is stringing you along, the best you can do is to become an attractive individual again and focus on yourself.
Correct your unattractive traits and habits and your ex may notice your improvements. Just don’t tell your ex about the new you. Let the new you speak for itself.
And while you’re busy leveling up, make sure you protect yourself from being strung along by following the rules of no contact. It’s the only way.
Increasing your attraction gradually likely won’t happen. It will probably occur when you forget about your ex for a while and pull the attention on yourself. People that do that are the most attractive people, after all.
Is my ex over me or just angry?
If your ex is unbelievably angry, then we can presume that it’s a sign your ex is over you. Don’t listen to people who tell you that anger can be reasoned with. It can’t, won’t, and shouldn’t.
An angry ex who dumped you is not in the mood to talk about love, relationships, and breakups. He or she is too preoccupied with his or her own emotions—as well as the new life.
You, therefore, can’t interfere with your ex’s emotions as doing so would only make things worse. You’d be pouring more oil on the fire, anger your ex even further and burn your chances of reconciliation.
Even if you don’t want your ex back and only wish to get along with your ex, I suggest you wait. Wait long enough for your ex to let go of anger and respect you as a person again.
When that happens, your ex will contact you and express the wish to converse with you. All you have to do is sit tight and worry about your own well-being.
Can I get back with an ex that is over me?
It’s possible to get back with a person that has completely lost feelings for you. As a matter of fact, you are much more likely to get back with a person who’s let you go than with the dumper who still hates you. It’s really a no-brainer.
Your dumper ex that is over you needs to let you go and forget about you in order for him or her to come back. That’s because anger, relief, doubt and everything that created the breakup needs to be gone and forgotten first in order for your ex to be able to love again.
This occurs in the neutrality stage of a breakup for the dumper.
Moreover, skipping reconciliation stages could be bad for the relationship’s second try, so consider it a prerequisite for a successful reconciliation.
Couples that get back together either never fall out of love or they get over each other and fall back in love.
Most of the time, reconciliations occur in the latter way as the dumper first gets completely over the dumpee, processes the breakup emotions and explores his or her options. And once he or she has had the freedom to experience the 4 grass is greener syndrome stages, the dumper then finally comes running back, asking for another chance.
But if there are no more feelings, doesn’t that mean we’re done for good?
The real reason why exes come back is not because they want you, but because they need you. They come back when their relationship with themselves is in ruins so they instead rebuild a relationship with you—thinking it will make them feel better. And it does.
This quick fix is a solution to self-esteem and ego difficulties that occur very often during the 6 stages of a rebound relationship. That’s why rebound relationships are so effective when it comes to getting back together with a dumper.
Love is selfish
Love is often more selfish than it is advertised on tv and social media. Moreover, the things we say and do for our partners we do out of love for them to feel good about ourselves.
So even if your ex is over you 150%, the odds of him or her coming back are never 0. That’s because when dumpers experience heartbreak or something of similar intensity, they will go to great lengths to obtain love, respect, and validation in return.
The only problem with putting hope on your ex’s emotional breakdown is that it usually takes a while for the dumper to go through something really painful—especially right after a huge ego boost (a breakup). Your ex could experience a lot of pain after a failed rebound or perhaps never. That’s why you shouldn’t wait around—hoping things would change.
He that falls in love with himself will have no rivals
Benjamin Franklin
What you give is what you get and the same goes for dumpers. What they give is what they expect.
Attention, care, love, admiration, and respect is something we all give and expect when we’re in love. The only problem is that when we don’t get it, we do crazy things to procure it.
So since dumpers are human beings too, they are just as red on the inside as you. They are as prone to getting their self-esteem destroyed as any dumpee in this world.
Unless your ex is a narcissist or a psychopath, of course. In that case, that’s a topic for another time.
Are you still in doubt whether your ex is over you? Have you got your own story to share? Post a comment below.
Good job!!
hey everyone
I just wanted to have other people’s opinion on my situation, my relationship ended 3 months ago to be honest it was chaotic, We both decided to break up because we weren’t happy and the reason why was because of my ex ( he has serious mental issues and decided to give it up and asked me to leave him because it’ll be pointless staying , he was so cold and heartless during our break up ) after 2 weeks I reached out (I shouldn’t but we study together ) and he told me he wanted to call me himself to ask to be friends and maybe even give me closure but he hesitated for my healing and then right after nearly 3weeks I reached out because I was having too much questions in my head and when I did he told me that he wanted to talk to me but didn’t eventually , he was still a bit up guarded and he told me before the break up that he needed time for himself because he’s feeling so lost and wants to isolate at first I wanted I thought of being friends but don’t want to anymore , and then he reached out to me 2weeks later because he said he felt like talking to me (we had a quick call and then I told him goodbye ) the day after called me again and told me he wants to talk to me about how I’m doing etc I felt a bit bad so I asked him to go no contact from now on he agreed ..to be honest I don’t know anything about the situation (I decided to move on but wonder if he cares or not ..)
I have a problem with my ex girlfriend. She cheated on me in the second year of our relationship and she ended the relationship out of guilt. She eventually confessed and I forgive her. We eventually got back together and things were fine during the first half of the relationship until our right after our third anniversary and was very upset with. She avoided me for 2 months and came back to the relationship. Fast forward to 3 months later now and the relationship is broken off again. I was finally able to get her to talk where she stated that she was unhappy in the relationship so I should move on. The reason she was unhappy in the relationship was because she cheated on me and she hasn’t forgiven herself for it. So once I’m around she gets upset.
Omgoodness I’m so sorry to hear that. Usually when i encounter toxic relationships Like that i run to the hills and HIDE!! I refuse to be anybodies punching bag. If i don’t get right answers from the start its usually a red flag. Run!! Hide!! DONT bother…believe me…the world is already difficult as it is…why be around people who wreak havoc?? Not me…I’m OUT!!! THERE ARE PEOPLE EVERYWHERE…TRAVEL…BE FRIENDLY….DONT STAY STUCK!!
Thankyou sir!
She get’s irritated when we talk. she says it irritates me when I see your face hear your voice or when I see your name. We had almost 2.5 years of relationship and she broke up because I lied to her and she also says she was not that attracted to me before some months of breakup. We you help me with this. I really love and really want her back.
You’ve fucked up. If your face annoys her, it’s definitely not going to do any good continuing to try to talk to her…
And sir she also tells me I don’t feel for you and stuff and also says if it is meant to be we will be together again.
Hi Sanket.
They’re excuses as they depict a loss of romantic attraction and willpower to stay committed.
Hang in there!
Zan
Hello!
It mean around 50 days after breakup. My ex says she is not angry with me but often she gets irritated at me. First she says she is okay with friends then she says I don’t want friendship and later after 1-2 days she says I am okay with being friends. And she says to her friend that she is over me and stuff. SO I am a bit confused about things. So will you help me out with this?
Hi Sanket.
Her feelings for you are fluctuating. You’ve got to leave her alone for now and focus on yourself.
Let her figure out what she wants.
Kind regards,
Zan
Hi Zan, nice article. Hmm, what would you say about this? It’s been five months since the breakup, i never broke no contact, haven’t even wished her a happy birthday or anything like that. I see her often when i am out because we live in a small city, and i always appear unfazed or unreactive. I am happy, dance, and basically i am very social. When i see her, i say hi if we lock eyes and go on my way for the rest of the night. Basically, you could say i do everything perfectly. Even post cool Insta stories with my hobbies and my friends.
However, she is still, after five months acting a bit strange. Sometimes she is very playful and warm towards me (pinching my arm, sticking her tounge out, smiling), but sometimes, like last friday, she is cold and acts very nervous and mad when around me. She stood with her friends near us (some mutual friends came to say hi to me and my friends), and while we were talking she appeared very nervous, uncomfortable and like she didn’t want to be there, and even said a couple of times: “we should go”, “why are we here”? And she did not even look at me or say hi. I basically acted the same as always. Was laughing, dancing, said hi to the mutual friends and continued on my way, but did not say hi to her or give her any attention. Would you say that she has moved on or? She is used to her ex contacting her all the time, i can definitely say that i am the only ex who has stayed in no contact so maybe that is a factor as well.
Hi Gandalf.
I think she has moved on, so when you get too close to her, she becomes cold and distant toward you. Perhaps when she’s having fun, she doesn’t mind getting close to you, but when roles revert, her defenses come up.
The reason why she respects you frequently is probably because of no contact. It’s given her the space she needs and slightly grew her attraction for you.
To me, she seems impulsive and very emotionally-situational, based on what she feels in the moment. Basically, if she’s having a good time, she will treat you well. And if she doesn’t, she will be mean to you and let you know how little you mean to her.
Kind regards,
Zan
Thanks Zan, i did forget to mention that i do catch her looking at me often, and she had multiple failed short relationship since we broke up. She is also prone to depression because of that, so i do not know if that changes things. You are definitely correct about her being impulsive.
Hi Gandalf.
It depends on how hurt she gets. She could become desperate and start looking for better quality relationships.
If she does, it could be you.
Best regards,
Zan
Hello Zan,
Another great article !
Nice picture, nicely detailled, with a little bit of hope for people but not too much.
Eventhough I don’t agree with you on the sign that an ex is over.
The dumper is in a relief phase, he or she finally ended this (which must have been on their shoulder for quite some times)
So naturally, the dumper won’t be all nice and stuff to the dumpee.
Everyone reacts differently, and I think we shouldn’t look into the sign that an ex could be over us before some month after the breakup (especially while, the dumpee is shocked and will take everything in a bad way).
Cheers;
Hi AtWork.
Thanks for the comment.
Everyone does indeed act and react differently. It’s just that actions often speak for themselves when it comes to dumpers. They are often very straightforward and show you exactly how they feel toward you. People don’t hide emotions very well, nor do they try to when they are still in love. If they do, they usually bounce back quickly.
Best regards,
Zan