Will He Ever Come Back After Dumping Me?

If you can’t stop wondering if a guy will ever come back after dumping you, you’re probably in a lot of pain. You’re worried that the guy may not stop causing you pain and give you the reassurance you need to carry on with your life.

Before we talk about whether the guy will come back, we should strongly affirm that you shouldn’t rely on your ex for healing and happiness. You should try to be as independent of your ex as possible so that you can be at peace with yourself whether your ex comes back or not.

Complete independence is what you should aim for because if you take care of yourself emotionally, you might not even care if your ex comes back. You might feel too good in your skin to worry about your ex giving you relationship benefits, fun times, and feelings you don’t need anymore.

But while you’re taking care of yourself, you’re likely going to keep hoping your ex will come back and remain somewhat dependent on your ex. That’s okay. As long as you work on losing hope and don’t just look for signs from the universe about your ex coming back, you should be regaining your identity and feeling better.

You should be making detachment progress and seeing that your ex (as great as he is) isn’t the only person in the world who can give you what you’re looking for in a man.

So find a balance between holding on to hope and detaching from your ex. On days when you’re hurt, embrace hope with open arms because doing so will lower your anxiety and keep you from losing your mind.

But when you’re doing well and don’t care about what your ex is doing and feeling, focus on detachment, healing, and enjoying yourself. Such things will help you worry about your ex less and slowly but surely give you the strength and composure to get your ex out of your system.

If you just keep asking yourself questions like, “Will my ex ever come back after dumping me,” you’ll most likely stay obsessed with your ex. You’ll overprioritize your ex and fail to give yourself a chance to become your happy self.

Sure, the obsession will likely increase your anxiety and by doing so, force you to keep improving yourself a little while longer. But anxiety shouldn’t be your main self-improvement incentive. The things pushing you to become the best version of yourself should be your goals, willpower, and commitment to growth.

These things will make growth into a routine whereas relying on pain for growth will help you grow only when bad things happen to you. They’ll make you self-invest only when you have no choice but to self-invest.

And it shouldn’t be like that. Self-improvement should be a constant lifelong process. It begins with your birth and ends with your death.

So make it into a habit and try to learn as much as you can from the breakup. Your improvements may not necessarily bring your ex back because most dumpers don’t care about the changes dumpees make, but they’ll allow you to stay with your ex if he decides to give the relationship another chance.

Today’s article is for people who wonder if guys always come back after they dump you. We’ll discuss what kind of guys come back and what you should do and not do to look as attractive as possible.

Do guys always come back after they dump you?

The truth is that guys don’t always come back after dumping you. Some guys don’t want to or need to come back, so they focus on themselves and keep dating others. By doing so, they continue seeing their ex in a negative light (the way they did before the breakup) and find more emotionally attractive and reliable people to hang out with.

From my understanding, there are only four types of guys who come back:

• Mature and self-aware guys who are capable of processing negative emotions and reflecting.
• Insecure guys who are afraid of leaving their ex or their ex finding someone else.
• Guys who have trust issues, fears, or issues from past relationships to overcome
• And regretful guys who fail to find happiness without their ex.

Unfortunately, not a lot of guys fit in the 1st – mature category. The level of maturity and self-awareness it takes to make reconciliation possible is often too difficult to reach. Guys who do come back because of it have normally done the work on themselves eons ago.

They developed open-mindedness, grew understanding, lowered their egos, and prepared themselves to deal with difficult situations such as breakups. That’s why they come back in days and try to improve their relationships.

Most guys who come back after dumping you do so because they don’t have a choice. Or if they do have a choice, they have to make a very difficult one. They either miss out on a great person, regret it, and suffer or they admit they’ve made a huge mistake and get back with their ex to make themselves feel better.

Because guys don’t like pain, they usually reconcile with their ex. Getting back with their ex enables them to quickly improve their emotional states and return to normal.

If you think about it, guys don’t come back for their partners. Sure, their partners come as a package deal, but they return because they fail in ways that are important to them. This means you should not just ask questions like, “Will he ever come back after dumping me,” but also, “Will he learn my worth and come back to invest in me, himself, and the relationship.”

Hard work and the willingness to work hard determine the success of couples who get back together. So make sure your ex comes back for the right reasons and has the right intentions.

If your ex wants you back because someone rejected him, that may not be enough for your ex to fall back in love with you. Your ex could come back just to patch his wounds and then leave once he has fully healed. You need to make sure that your ex actually wants you for you.

And you can do that by asking him questions like, why did you come back, what did you learn, and what’s going to change if I take you back.”

It’s hard to say if your ex will come back after dumping you, but you might be able to tell if your ex depicts certain traits and behaviors.

Here are some of them.

What to do to make him come back after he dumped you?

The thing that makes breakups so difficult is that you can’t “make” the dumper do anything. You can’t persuade him to come back because you can’t tell him that the relationship deserves another chance, that you’re going to change, or that he’s not seeing things clearly.

Reasoning with the dumper doesn’t work because he’s emotionally incapable of being reasoned with. He’s made up his mind, which means that any attempts to change his mind are going to have the opposite effect. They’ll disrespect his premeditated decision and show him you’re obsessed with the relationship.

That will, in turn, smother or guilt-trip him and make him want to avoid feeling these uncomfortable feelings in the future.

How the guy handles your post-breakup behavior depends on his patience, morals, and understanding. But if you keep making breakup mistakes, refuse to listen to him, and fail to give him what he wants, you’re going to destroy his respect for you and make it impossible for him to feel romantic feelings for you.

So if you want him to come back after dumping you, start by avoiding making things worse. I know it can feel tempting to act on emotions and pour your heart out to him, but a guy who dumps you can’t handle highly emotional behavior.

He can’t handle anything that tells, shows, or reminds him he can’t focus on himself and move on from the past.

If he feels you still have expectations of him, I guarantee that he won’t like that. He might not express it to you, but he’ll definitely do something to increase the emotional distance between you and him. He could do it gradually or if he lacks patience, pull away hard.

That would, of course, confuse you and hurt you.

So what do you do when you think a guy who dumped you is the right guy for you?

The first thing you must do is give the guy some space. You must respect his decision for dumping you and show that your life will go on with or without him. That won’t bring him back, but it will prove that you’re strong and earn you some respect.

Respect is the most fundamental feeling an ex needs to like you and love you. Without respect, you can forget about reattracting your ex back. It won’t happen because the guy won’t see you as an equal. He’ll think you’re not worth the time and trouble and that breaking up with you was the right thing to do.

This means that you must respect yourself as well as the guy. Show him you understand what the breakup entails and that you’re going to give him the space and time he needs to breathe and do what he’s been wanting to do.

Once you’ve taken a step back, you need to keep in mind that the guy doesn’t just need a little bit of time to miss you and want you back. He needs lots of time to go through the stages of a breakup for the dumper and figure out if breaking up with you was a wise thing to do.

Mind you that as long as he’s staying away from you, he’s not regretting his decision. He’s relieved and is focusing on enjoying his freedom. The guy will regret dumping you and come back when he has an epiphany. And he’ll have an epiphany when something or someone disappoints him and proves that the life he had had with you was significantly better than the life he has now.

If his new life is just a little better or a little worse, he likely won’t come back. He’ll probably settle for it and not worry about the past.

Guys regret breaking up with their ex when the past is much more fulfilling than the present. That’s when they become nostalgic and sad and feel that the only way to feel better is to run back to an ex who used to provide them with safety, happiness, and stability.

To increase the chances of your ex coming back, therefore, you have to do only one thing – prevent your image from being destroyed. You can’t improve your image a whole lot because your ex is determined and doesn’t want to improve the way he sees you.

But you can control your behavior and by doing so, prevent your ex from looking for reasons to resent, dislike, or pity you. Unless your ex is a narcissist, of course. In that case, your ex might try to ruin your reputation and do whatever it takes to destroy your value and happiness.

Such a person won’t improve his perception of you because he’ll be in competition with you and will envy everything you are and do.

So remember that the most important and the thing in your power to control is what you say and do. Your actions determine how free and respected your ex feels and what emotions he associates with you after the breakup.

The better the emotions he connects with your persona, the better the chances that he’ll find you worthy of getting back with you when life gives him lemons.

Most dumpees want to do something to impress their ex, but you need to convince yourself that your ex can’t be impressed by something you do. Your ex can’t see you in a more positive light even if you achieve something your ex always wanted you to achieve and show that you’ve improved yourself in many ways.

What your ex needs is to learn your worth on his own. He has to see you’ve made progress because that’s the only way he’ll admit to being wrong about you. If you’re the one to tell him or show him he’s wrong, he’ll see you’re trying to prove something and respond defensively.

That will create more distance between you two and hurt the image you’re trying to protect.

So keep in mind that there’s no such thing as winning a guy back. There’s is only winning yourself back and hoping that the happiness you find and the value you exude pushes the guy to return to you when life doesn’t go according to plan.

If you’re hoping for your ex to come back after dumping you just because you’re a decent person, you need to understand that this is something that happens to temporary breakups (fakeups). Dumpers in real breakups lose feelings and crave space and need to go through the grass is greener stages so they realize they’re not as happy as they used to be.

That’s the only way they can reflect on their misery, discern their ex’s worth, and come back to be with the person they took for granted.

If they come back out of boredom, guilt, or convenience, they usually leave again. They just don’t come back for the right reasons, such as regret, love, and the determination to work on themselves.

Are you still wondering if the guy you like will come back after dumping you? Submit your questions and comments below. We’ll get back to you soon.

And if you’d like to sign up for a session with us to talk about your dumper ex, visit our coaching page for details.