Does My Ex Ever Think About Me?

Whether it’s been weeks, months, or years since your ex left, rest assured that your ex still thinks about you from time to time. It may not be as often as you think about your ex because your ex is the dumper, but your ex still thinks about you when something reminds your ex of you or when your ex is not busy and has time to reflect and ruminate about life.

It doesn’t matter how good a relationship you had with your ex or how badly the relationship ended. If you were with your ex for a while, your ex will think about you whether your ex wants to or not. That’s because it’s impossible to just forget a person we’d been with for months.

Memories may fade over time and the emotions that person created too, but that doesn’t mean that he or she will exit our brain completely. On the contrary, romantic partners stay in our minds forever. All that changes as time goes by is the extent to which we think about them and how we think about them. How we think about them depends on our emotional states (the things that happen to us) and how we mature over time.

But most of the time, our perceptions don’t change a whole lot. An ex who wasn’t good to us tends to stay just that – an ex who wasn’t good to us. We tend not to change our opinion of that person unless we feel like we don’t have a choice. And we don’t have a choice when something bad happens to us and forces us to reconsider the dumpee’s importance to us.

So if you’re wondering “Does my ex ever think about me,” bear in mind that your ex does. Your ex thinks about you the most when he or she is sad or nostalgic and when your ex has time to ponder. Just keep in mind that your ex doesn’t think about you romantically.

Romantic feelings require a lot of regrets.

So depending on your ex’s character, how your ex broke up with you, and how long it’s been since the breakup, your ex mostly just wonders what you’re up to and may even feel a bit guilty for breaking your heart out of the blue. Many dumpers feel bad because they realize they could have handled the breakup better and that their ex isn’t as bad a person as they made him or her out to be.

But normally, dumpers learn this a few months later after they’ve gone through the initial breakup stages and discovered that they no longer feel those heavy breakup emotions they felt on the day of the breakup. That’s when they feel freer and less smothered, so they respect their ex more and perhaps even reach out to their ex to find out what their ex is up to and how their ex is doing.

That’s when dumpers start giving their ex breadcrumbs and make it seem like they still have feelings for the dumpee. In reality, though, they’re just curious or feeling bad and need their ex to appease their unwanted feelings.

This article will explain when your ex thinks about you the most and what you can do to make your ex think about you more.

Does my ex ever think about me?

As you now know, your ex thinks about you occasionally. Your ex remembers certain traits and behaviors, inside jokes, words used by you, places you went to, foods, music, movies, and much much more. The longer your ex was with you, the more experiences your ex associated with you, and the more your ex will remember you when he or she does those things.

This is true even if your ex is with someone else already. If your ex stored his or her adventures with you in memory, your ex will remember that he or she used to do them with you and think about you. You won’t occupy your ex’s mind for long, of course, but you will cross your ex’s mind for a brief moment before the thoughts pass. That’s something your ex won’t have much control over.

Reminders from the past are reminders. They’re a part of us and tend to stay with us for a very long time. We stop being reminded of our exes only when we naturally disassociate the events from our exes or when we replace them with someone else.

So keep in mind that your ex gets reminded of you from time to time. Your ex remembers certain experiences the two of you shared and knows that they pose no risk to him or her. They don’t create strong emotional (nostalgic) responses, so your ex stops thinking about them very quickly. Probably within 20 seconds.

But if you’re wondering whether your ex actually thinks deeply about you, then that’s another story. I can’t give you a simple yes or no answer because it depends on your ex’s personality, what breakup stage your ex is in, and what your ex is going through.

For example, if the breakup just happened and your ex is a decent person, your ex probably feels guilty for hurting you and is thinking about you quite a bit. Open wounds and the emotions created by them force your ex to think about you and perhaps even make him or her wonder whether breaking up with you was the right thing to do. Such a dumper ruminates about you a few times a day at least and is constantly reminded of you by friends and random experiences.

You’re still in his or her subconscious mind and, therefore, continue to occupy your ex’s mind.

But if your ex had detached from you completely, doesn’t care about you, blames you for the breakup, and it’s been months since your ex left, then your ex doesn’t think about you that much. Your ex is busy with other things and people and probably remembers you once or twice per day max. It’s hard to say how much your ex thinks about you because every dumper is different and has different post-breakup experiences, but to make it simple, your ex thinks about you as often as your ex has a reason to think about you.

And your ex has a reason to think about you (deeply) when your ex:

• feels sad, lonely, bored, or nostalgic
• encounters problems
• argues with someone
• needs your help
• compares you to others
• dreams about you

On good, busy days, your ex obviously won’t think about you as much as on bad, boring, or difficult days. Your ex won’t have a reason to because your ex will have plenty of better things to do and engage his or her brain in. Your ex will think about you the most when life gives your ex lemons, when your ex feels guilty, or when your ex processes smothering and other difficult emotions triggered by the breakup.

You shouldn’t expect your ex (the dumper) to ponder about you and miss you for no reason. Just as you miss your ex more now that you’re hurt, so will your ex if your ex gets hurt or finds some kind of emotional reason to think about you.

That’s just the way people work. We think back when we have a good emotional incentive to think back.

Here’s when your ex thinks about you after the breakup.

How can I make my ex think about me?

There’s nothing you can do directly that will make your ex think about you. If you call your ex or play jealousy games with your ex, that may indeed make your ex think about you at that particular moment, but it won’t have the desired long-lasting effect on your ex.

Unless your ex is insecure and falls for your tricks, your ex will just think you’re looking for attention and lose more respect for you. And when your ex loses more respect for you, your ex will think about you or think fondly of you even less.

So if you want your ex to think positively of you, refrain from playing mind games with your ex and forcing your ex to think about you. The only way your ex should think about you is if your ex wants to think about you. That’s the kind of freedom your ex expects and needs from you to enjoy life and respect you.

Any kind of messaging, calling, or posting pictures with other people will only make your ex think about you less. That’s because your ex will get annoyed and have fewer positive thoughts to think about and emotions to feel. Anger and annoyance may be strong emotions, but the moment your ex processes them, your ex will feel think about something or someone else.

To make your ex think about you on his or her terms, you, therefore, have to withdraw your attention from your ex. Go no contact so that your ex sees you’re gone and no longer romantically interested in him or her.

When your ex processes the breakup and sees that you respect yourself (and cares that you do), your ex will finally start thinking about you not just because of guilt but because you’ve kept your composure and focused on things and people more important than your ex.

So don’t waste your time trying to prevent your ex from forgetting about you and meeting someone else. Your ex needs to think about you less right after the breakup so that your ex can focus on himself or herself and do the things he or she needs to do. Once your ex does those things and stops feeling relieved, your ex could once again start thinking about you.

If life doesn’t go according to plan, your ex may even want to be your friend or partner.

So until that happens, follow the rules of no contact and try not to worry too much about whether your ex is thinking about you. There are times when your ex does, but that doesn’t change anything. It won’t make a difference in your life until your ex has a good reason to miss you and want you back.

All in all, indefinite no contact is your only option. You have to stay away from your ex and wait for your ex to get through the dumper stages and start thinking about you in a better light. It could take your ex many months to do that. Heck, it may never happen if your ex can’t let go of his or her negative perceptions of you.

But whether your ex is capable of reflecting and discerning your worth doesn’t change the fact that you have to go no contact and stay in it. You have to leave your ex alone and let your ex come to you.

Anxiety probably tells you to run after your ex and reason with your ex, but don’t listen to your anxious brain. Always remember that getting back together with your ex is what you want and that an attempt at reconciliation will most likely smother your ex and make your ex crave even more solitude.

Does my ex still think about me after years?

If it’s been years since you broke up and you’re wondering if your ex ever thinks about you, know that your ex does. A few years don’t erase all the memories and emotions your ex experienced with you.

It makes no difference whether 2, 5, 10, or 20 years go by. People remember things from the past and discuss those things with people they care about. That’s how they leave a piece of their ex alive for many years.

But the most important thing of all is that you shouldn’t even whether your ex thinks about you years after the breakup. Your ex doesn’t think about you the way you want him or her to think about you. Your ex is just minding his or her business and moving forward with life.

That could change one day, of course, as your ex could start thinking about you more. But for that to happen, your ex will have to go through some kind of unpleasant experience that forces your ex to reflect and see you differently. Your ex will have to get hit by karma or in some other way, learn the lessons he or she needs to learn.

Are you worried that your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend doesn’t think about you? Are you afraid of being forgotten now that you don’t talk anymore? Post your worries and fears below the post.

And also, if you’re looking for additional answers and want our help, click here to learn more about our coaching options.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Learn more about me or get in touch today.