How To Respond To Breadcrumbs From An Ex?

If breakups are the worst predicaments people are forced to endure, then breadcrumbs from an ex come right after. Every time we receive breadcrumbs from our ex, we feel as if our ex has poured salt over our open wounds and forced us to suffer again.

We feel like we’re back to square one healing-wise and that we’re not even close to being over our ex.

Breadcrumbs from an ex are hands down the worst. Not only do they confuse us and hurt us, but they also cause us to obsessively think about our ex and force us to suffer until we’ve regained our composure and the strength to function normally again.

It sucks, but there is truly no better way for exes to continue hurting us after the breakup than to string us along with breadcrumbs and prolong our recovery time. They don’t need to play jealousy games and mind games with us to make us think about them for days.

They have a way easier way of grabbing our attention. And that way involves barely any effort.

All dumpers need to do to shock us and keep us hooked is pick up their phones and send us a simple “Hello.” With just one message, they can give us a tiny bit of attention that makes us feel hopeful and anxious—much like we felt when we got broken up with.

Although the pain from breadcrumbing usually isn’t as bad as breakup pain, breadcrumbs still cause us to experience a lot of anxiety and other uncomfortable stress-related emotions.

The most common difficulties we can encounter when an ex gives us breadcrumbs are:

• extreme anxiety
• increased heart rate
• shortness of breath
• uncontrollable shaking
• difficulty concentrating
• overthinking

How much breadcrumbs from an ex affect us depends on how much we’ve processed the breakup and what kind of things our ex says to us.

In this article, we’ll discuss what breadcrumbing is and how to respond to breadcrumbs from an ex in the best way possible.

Breadcrumbs mean pain

Immediately after the breakup, we spend nearly all our free time thinking about the dumper and unknowingly putting him or her on a pedestal.

The breakup pain makes us believe that the dumper is the next best thing since sliced bread and that we must get back with our ex because our ex is good for us. Little do we know that pain has nothing to do with how good our ex is for us. Pain merely proves that we’re attached and that it’s in our best interest to detach and become emotionally independent again.

But we don’t know that. We don’t know what’s best for us because we’re hurt. That’s why we confuse pain for love and develop a fear of the dumper. We transform the dumper into a person of high value (a person who can control our feelings) and begin to fantasize about what it would be like to get another chance with the dumper.

We think about our ex most of our awake time and even in dreams when we’re asleep. Our ex enters our minds because we’re detoxing from the attachment we had with our ex.

However, when our ex texts or calls us, our ex gives us a little bit of what we crave (validation). He or she makes us feel a bit more in control of our emotions and makes us feel like we’ve received a message from a superstar – from someone who can be with any person and have a super successful relationship with him or her.

Suddenly, the pain we thought we’d worked through comes rushing back at incredible speed—forcing us to relive it. It makes us experience a major emotional setback that can take days to recover from.

But because we value our ex so much, we’re prepared to do nearly anything to restore the bond we lost. Many of us are prepared to beg and plead and take responsibility for our mistakes.

Heck, many of us are willing to take responsibility even for the things we didn’t do. We’re in so much pain that we’re ready to lower our pride and do whatever it takes to get another chance with our ex. We don’t understand or want to understand that self-respect is extremely important and that it plays a big role in getting back with the dumper.

It often decides whether it’s even safe for the dumper to communicate with us.

What are breadcrumbs from an ex?

Breadcrumbing from an ex-partner can be defined as any form of direct or indirect communication that gives you false hope and slows down your healing.

When an ex-partner (the dumper) gives you breadcrumbs, he or she basically sends you mixed signals that convey that your ex has been thinking about you.

By doing so, your ex gives you a little bit of attention you need to cope with anxiety and makes you dependent on him or her for positive results.

Your ex doesn’t even have to say anything hopeful to make you crave him or her. Breadcrumbs alone do all the work for your ex as they remind you of the pain you suffered when your ex pulled the plug on you and rejected you.

With just one message, all the emotions of abandonment, destroyed self-esteem, and hope for reconciliation come flying back at you and make you feel like your ex is on his or her way back to you even though that’s not true.

Breadcrumbs just help your ex get something from you and end up confusing you.

Here are some things the dumper could say to breadcrumb you:

• how are you?
• long time no speak
• I miss you
• I miss the dog
• I’ve heard Jessica is getting married
• I miss our good times
• I just wanted you to know I care about you
• I still love you

Although dumpers usually breadcrumb dumpees via text, that’s not the only way your ex could breadcrumb you.

Your ex could breadcrumb you by:

• texting and calling
• liking your pictures
• commenting on your profile
• adding you back on social media
• or doing something/anything that shows your ex still “cares” about you

Beware of your ex’s breadcrumbs!

It’s very dangerous for your emotional well-being to receive attention from your ex when you’re not ready for it. Just a single message from your ex will likely fire up your repressed anxiety and make you apprehensive about your ex’s feelings and intentions.

High hopes combined with an over-valued dumper will probably make you overanalyze your ex’s messages and make you so anxious that you try to foresee your ex’s next move. This will make you extremely dependent on some kind of positive outcome (on your ex wanting you back) and hurt you even more.

You have to keep in mind that breadcrumbs are not about reconciliation. They’re about the dumper getting something he or she needs from you. Something only you can provide. Your ex likely won’t tell you what that is.

It’s much more likely that your ex will indirectly express himself or herself and try to get things from you without actually asking for them. That would be your ex’s safest option because it would allow your ex to avoid giving you the wrong idea and bringing an unwanted reaction out of you.

The picture below shows different types of breadcrumbs as well as various examples of breadcrumbing.

What do breadcrumbs from an ex mean?

Although your ex’s messages may appear innocent, remember that the real meaning behind breadcrumbs is unknown to you. It’s hidden from you because revealing the plans would make your ex look selfish and inconsiderate of your feelings.

It’d tell you that your ex doesn’t care about you and that he or she just needs something from you.

So even though your ex might say something like, “I’ve been thinking about you a lot,” bear in mind that your ex hasn’t been thinking about giving the broken relationship another chance. Your ex has merely been feeling bad and reached out to stop feeling bad.

That means your ex wanted you to say you’re doing fine so your ex could stop worrying about you and worry about himself or herself more. Self-forgiveness can make it easier for your ex to let go of the fact that he or she broke a commitment and hurt you.

When your ex sends you breadcrumbs, your ex might appear more sympathetic and empathetic than usual. But that would merely imply that your ex is having a difficult time accepting his or her words or actions. It would have nothing to do with your ex’s love for you.

So if you feel nervous when your ex reaches out and have no clue know how to respond to breadcrumbs from your ex, the very first thing you should do is avoid overanalyzing your ex’s words. Analyzing and looking for hidden messages is a huge waste of time and emotions because your ex would have told you if he or she wanted to see you and get back with you.

Your ex would have taken the initiative to reconcile and work hard on earning your trust back. Your ex wouldn’t just send you a bunch of breadcrumbs (meaningless messages) and let you wonder what they meant.

That’s not what dumpers who love you do.

When your ex sends you breadcrumbs, remember that your ex is likely going through something difficult and that your ex needs your help. He or she probably feels bad for hurting you and needs you to forgive him or her. Or if it’s been months and your ex doesn’t feel any guilt, then your ex could just be looking for someone dependable to lean on for support.

That someone could be you because you were the last person he or she had a strong connection with.

With breadcrumbs, your ex could tell you that he or she misses you, loves you, and regrets treating you poorly. What you need to ask yourself is whether your ex truly loves you or just doesn’t love himself or herself enough.

The best way to learn whether your ex wants you back is to wait and see. If your ex wants to see you and talk about the relationship, your ex will tell you that and want you back as soon as possible.

But if your ex just wants to be friends and confide in you, then your ex hasn’t realized anything important yet. Your ex doesn’t see what you bring to the table and is set on staying broken up.

My ex is giving me breadcrumbs

First of all, if your ex is giving you breadcrumbs and the breadcrumbs are hurting you badly, you must understand that your ex isn’t aware of your suffering. Your ex didn’t suffer the way you did (and still do). Instead of suffering, your ex felt elated and focused on enjoying his or her life.

Now that your ex has had enough space to experience the post-breakup life and process the breakup, though, your ex doesn’t need any more space. He or she is ready to be friends or to talk occasionally and pretend as if you were never a couple.

That’s why your ex will give you breadcrumbs such as “I miss you, I care about you” and try to get you to respond to them.

Luckily, most dumpers don’t send such breadcrumbs. Most dumpees just want to have normal conversations and catch up. By catching up, they intend to figure out how their exes are coping with the breakup, what they’re up to, how they feel about them, and whether talking to dumpees is safe and something they even want.

They don’t have to pry a lot to get the information they’re after. They just have to be nice and encourage their exes to open up about their post-breakup lives. Dumpees’ emotions, attitude, and information then tell them how ready they are to talk and whether talking to them is even a good idea.

Why is my ex giving me breadcrumbs?

If your ex gave you breadcrumbs, it’s because your ex wanted something from you. Your ex wanted something no other person on the planet could give him or her. That something could be emotional support, forgiveness, friendship, sex, or perhaps even a familiar person to talk to.

You can figure out what your ex wants/wanted to achieve by breadcrumbing you by examining the things your ex wants from you. If your ex apologizes to you, your ex wants your forgiveness. If your ex wants to know how you feel, your ex probably feels guilty and perhaps even feels a sense of responsibility to check up on you. And if your ex is angry, your ex feels victimized and wants to get back at you for focusing on yourself and getting away so easily.

Please note that you will likely receive breadcrumbs from your ex if you follow the rules of no contact and prove you don’t need your ex. That’s because emotional and physical distance will show your ex that it’s okay to reach out and that you won’t overwhelm your ex with expectations and demands.

You’ll handle the breadcrumbs with confidence and self-respect and avoid pressuring your ex into doing things you want him or her to do.

Once your ex sees your worth and discerns that it’s safe to come out of his or her hiding, your ex will then start giving you breadcrumbs.

Your ex will send you breadcrumbs to:

• alleviate guilt for hurting you
• soothe his/her anxiety (life difficulties, breakup pain, arguments)
• forgive himself/herself and boost his or her positive karma
• obtain validation from you
• find out what you’re up to
• see if you still care about him or her
• cope with boredom

Everything people do, we do because we get something out of it. Everything has a purpose. So as selfless as your ex’s “How are you” may appear, bear in mind that there is nothing selfless about it. It can be quite selfish because breadcrumbs from an ex have an ulterior motive.

They intend to get something from you and give very little in return. You need to remember that so you know how to keep your hopes low and respond to breadcrumbs properly.

Breadcrumbs from an ex can be hard to understand

When your ex breadcrumbs you, your ex probably won’t even understand that he or she is reaching out for selfish purposes. Your ex might think that he or she is being friendly and that you’d like to talk about various things.

That’s because your ex will assume that you’re ready to downgrade to friendship and that it’s normal for exes to be friends. If you then reject something so “normal,” your ex might try to guilt-trip you into staying in touch.

Whatever you do, don’t think that you must stay in touch with your ex and pretend to be friends. Communicating with your ex will significantly increase your dependency on your ex and make your healing journey more complicated. It might also make you wonder if your ex feels something for you and is trying to get back with you.

But as you know, dumpers who breadcrumb exes don’t want their exes back. They just want to figure out what their exes are doing and feeling.

And the safest way for them to figure that out is by sending a simple “Hi.” The dumpees’ response (or a lack of it) tells them everything they need to know because it tells them whether they respect their exes and themselves and if they want to communicate from time to time.

If they show dumpers they want to talk, they invite their exes to reach out whenever they want and risk getting hurt again.

Once your ex has sent you a breadcrumb, your ex will eagerly anticipate your reply and see what you have to say. He or she will especially pay attention to the way you reply; the emojis and words you use, the length of the text, and the excitement you exude. With the first text after no contact, your ex will try to figure out if you still care.

And depending on whether you care, your ex will either keep talking to you or just disappear. Either way, your ex will eventually get what he or she wants because your responses or the lack of them will communicate how you feel and what you want.

They’ll express what you hope to get out of your ex and tell your ex what the best thing to do is.

Even if your ex reaches out just to relieve guilt, and you ignore your ex, your ex won’t cry about it. Your ex will interpret your lack of response in a way that is best for him or her. In this particular case, your ex could think that you’re being mean and/or angry and that an angry person isn’t hurting and is doing just fine.

In such a way, your ex could appease guilt and continue to move on with a clear conscience.

So don’t think you must ignore breadcrumbs or prevent your ex from getting what he or she is after. If you want your ex back, you should at least see what your ex wants and then respond to breadcrumbs in a way that is best for your healing.

Look out for indirect breadcrumbs

If your ex says something like, “How’s your dog,” your ex isn’t reaching out just because of the dog. Your ex is using the dog as a distraction tool to break the ice and take the attention away from a much bigger issue such as the breakup. Always keep in mind that your ex wouldn’t have reached out for something as trivial as your dog.

If your ex missed the dog, your ex would have made plans to play with the dog already.

So don’t think that your ex is reaching out to talk about animals or something currently in your possession. Those are just excuses or tools your ex can use to his or her advantage to lighten the mood. When the two of you have talked for a while and lightened the mood, your ex will probably understand everything he or she wanted to understand.

That’s because your ex will know what you think, feel, want, and need. Your ex will have a decent understanding of what the breakup has been like for you and whether talking to you is something he or she wants.

The reason breadcrumbs are difficult to respond to is that you don’t always know what your ex wants. You don’t know if your ex just wants to talk or if he or she is getting ready to invite you out.

My advice is not to wait for something to happen. An ex who wants you back will feel anxious and ask you to come back right away. He or she won’t waste too much time because he or she will need you to heal and feel better.

So don’t look for the meaning behind the things your ex says for more than a few minutes. A few minutes should be enough to see if your ex is in a hurry to get back with you or if your ex just wants to chat and get something from you.

My ex isn’t giving me any breadcrumbs

If your ex isn’t giving you breadcrumbs, you should consider yourself extremely lucky. Nothing is better than your ex leaving you alone to heal and recover from the breakup.

I know you want to hear from your ex very badly and feel important, but the truth is that you don’t need your ex nor want to hear from your ex.

You already have a lot on your shoulders and don’t need your ex to breadcrumb you on top of that. You don’t need more issues that will hinder your healing and make you wonder if your ex will come back.

So don’t think you’re unlucky that you haven’t heard from your ex yet. You’re actually extremely lucky because you were given a chance to heal without disruptions and false hope. You were left to your own devices and will as a result, recover quicker than dumpees who get strung along for months.

If you don’t believe me, here’s what a random reader of this blog had to say about breadcrumbing. It might change your mind.

“Breadcrumbing from an ex feels like you’re on a strict diet. Every time you receive breadcrumbs, you first feel excited about it. But the moment you swallow that first crumb, you immediately start yearning for more.“

Breadcrumbs are not something you should envy other dumpees for. You should feel bad for the people who get breadcrumbed because they go through a lot of pain and confusion because of their ex. They’re forced to deal with breadcrumbs.

Should I ignore my ex’s breadcrumbs?

Ignoring an ex for any reason at all is immature, rude, and vengeful. So ignoring your ex’s breadcrumbs is probably not the wisest idea.

The only time you should ignore your ex is when your ex insults or threatens you and makes you scared for your safety. Ignoring is also okay if you’ve asked your ex multiple times to give you space and your ex didn’t do that.

In all honesty, if your ex offends you or does something nasty, that wouldn’t even be a breadcrumb. It’d be a direct insult – a way for your ex to relieve stress and get back at you for something you did or didn’t do.

So before you ignore your ex’s breadcrumbs, remember that ignoring your ex is a response too. It tells your ex how you deal with difficult situations and the people who hurt you.

This is why learning how to respond to breadcrumbs from your ex is crucial not only for reconciliation purposes but also for your personal growth.

How to respond to breadcrumbs?

If you’re wondering how to respond to breadcrumbs, know that there are a few simple rules you can adhere to.

The good thing about these rules is that they don’t need you to be mean, uncaring, or rude. You don’t need to do any ignoring to make your ex respect you again and want to be with you.

On the contrary, you can respond to your ex’s breadcrumbs in a sincere, patient, and respectful way.

Here are the rules you should follow if you’re wondering how to respond to breadcrumbs.

What to do when your ex breadcrumbs you?

When your ex breadcrumbs you, you’ll probably feel very confused. You won’t know whether to respond, delay your response, ignore your ex, block your ex, or point out your ex’s inconsiderate behavior. Your ex’s behavior will be difficult to interpret because you’ll be emotional and get your hopes up.

My advice is to relax and not to take your ex’s words literally. Consider them meaningless, empty words that intend to help your ex gain something, get rid of something, or feel something. They have nothing to do with you because your ex has certain intentions.

With that said, here are 4 things you can do when you receive breadcrumbs from your ex:

1. Tolerate it: Allow your ex to keep hurting you whenever your ex wants to. That will stop you from moving on.
2. Ignore it: Ignore your ex’s every outreach and show your ex that you’re hurt and unwilling to communicate.
3. Ask for space: Explain that communication is out of the question and that you want to focus on yourself.
4. Get angry with your ex: Call your ex out for throwing breadcrumbs at you and state that breadcrumbs have hurt you deeply.

Unfortunately, there is only one solution to this problem. And that solution is to take your ex’s ability to breadcrumb you away. You must ask for space because that’s the only way your ex will see that you respect yourself and that you don’t want to talk about unimportant things.

Asking for space won’t kill your chances of reconciliation as some dumpees fear. It will just show that you know your worth and that you’re strong enough to pull away.

It won’t be easy to pull away if the breakup just happened because you’ll feel like you’re messing things up with your ex. But keep in mind that asking for space is extremely important because it will let you heal and help your ex understand that the end of the relationship means the end of friendship too.

“Message me if you change your mind”

If you’ve decided to get space from your ex and want to say “Message/call me if you change your mind,” I strongly dissuade you from using this cliche line.

I don’t know who came up with this heartbroken response, but it’s one of the worst things you can exclaim to your ex.

This is true whether you’re responding to breadcrumbs or to your ex breaking up with you. No matter what actions or behavior you’re replying to, telling your ex to contact you if he/she regrets breaking up with you in the future is weak and clingy. It tells your ex that you’re hurt and that you’re waiting for your ex to come back.

And when you tell your ex that you’ll be waiting like a good puppy, your ex will feel even more reluctant to work things out with you. There will simply be no sense of urgency and a need to get back with you.

So remember that your ex doesn’t need to be told to contact you if he or she changes his or her mind. Your ex already knows that. It’s as clear as the sky.

Ask your ex to leave you alone

If you want to know how to respond to breadcrumbs, know that there isn’t one perfect way to do it. Many responses will give you the space you need and show your ex you’re not interested in staying friends.

Choose the reply that fits your personality and works best for your case:

• Hi. I appreciate you reaching out, but I don’t think we should talk yet. We need some more space, so please don’t reach out to me.
• Hey Mark. Would you please not reach out to me anymore? I know you want to stay friends, and I respect that, but this isn’t the time for that. Perhaps we can be friends someday in the future.
• Hi. I see that you want to stay friends, but I don’t think staying friends is what I want right now. Could you please contact me only if there’s an emergency?
• Hi Claudia. I’ve told you multiple times already to let me focus on myself. This time I mean it. Please don’t contact me anymore unless it’s urgent. I’ll have to block you next time.

Once your ex agrees to leave you alone and stops sending you breadcrumbs, thank your ex for cooperating with you and go back into no contact. Be prepared to stay in it as long as it takes (even if it’s forever.)

There is no other way to stop your ex from sending you breadcrumbs than to take control of the breakup and stop your ex from reaching out to you. Asking your ex to stop contacting you is also the quickest way to get over the breakup because you’ll keep your ex away from your heart and boost your healing.

Learning how to respond to breadcrumbs is essential

In this post, we’ve discussed how to respond to breadcrumbs from an ex and what you should do to keep your ex away from you.

From what I see, most dumpees normally entertain their ex for a while. They respond to messages and string themselves along. But a few weeks or months later, they tend to get tired of communicating with the dumper. That’s when they regain some of their lost power and tell their ex to stop contacting them or straight-up to take a hike.

So to avoid getting hurt for no reason and asking for space months later, do it right away. Ask your ex to give you space so you can focus on the things you need to focus on. If your ex respects you and understands what you need, your ex will leave you alone.

And if your ex doesn’t, then your ex will probably keep reaching out and hurting you. You need to be firm when you tell your ex to stop messaging or calling you so that your ex stops resetting your healing.

Every dumpee should know what breadcrumbs are and how to respond to them. Make sure you do your research so that you can weed out unimportant calls or texts and stay away from your ex unless your ex wants you back.

Did this article help you understand how to respond to breadcrumbs from an ex? Do you have any questions about breadcrumbing? Leave your comment below this article. We’d love to hear your thoughts.

And if your ex has been breadcrumbing you for a while and you want our help, get in touch with us here.