Does My Ex Want Me Back Or Just Wants To Be Friends?

Did you know there’s an easy way to tell if your ex wants you back or just wants to be friends? All you have to do is wait for your ex to take the initiative, talk to you for a minute or two, and see if your ex invites you out or asks to get back together.

Most dumpees are heartbroken and think they must talk to their ex for ages before their ex finally expresses the desire to reunite, but if I can be completely honest, talking to an ex is a waste of time and emotions. It’s completely unnecessary because an ex who wants you back will tell you that very quickly.

He or she will make plans to see you or just directly tell you why he or she is messaging or calling you and say how he or she feels about you. It’s that simple.

So don’t let your ex confuse you and string you along. If your ex wants you back, your ex will appear anxious and worried and will confess feelings with the intention to ease anxiety.

But if your ex just wants to be friends, your ex won’t mention anything at all. He or she will just talk about random things and never mention the breakup and getting back together.

Your job as a dumpee is to give your ex very little time to say what he/she wants from you. A few minutes are probably enough because a person who doesn’t tell you or try to tell you why he or he is reaching out to you has no intention of reconciling with you.

All that person wants is recognition, guilt-relief, or friendship.

Another thing you should pay attention to and not get confused by is attitude. If your ex appears cheerful, talkative, and strangely normal, your ex has no shame about what he or she has done. Your ex doesn’t regret breaking up with you or fear you which means that your ex isn’t talking to you to get back with you.

Your ex has motives that have nothing to do with the reconciliation because if your ex wanted you back, your ex would be apprehensive. So look at your ex’s behavior and attitude. If your ex appears confident, loud, excited, and relieved to talk to you after a long time, it’s unlikely that your ex is interested in being romantic with you.

It’s much more likely that your ex has merely been missing the friendship aspect of the relationship and that your ex just wants to be friends.

In this post, we’ll highlight some differences between an ex wanting you back and an ex wanting to be friends. You’ll see that it’s not very hard to tell if your ex wants to be in a relationship with you.

Does my ex want me back or just wants to be friends?

If you want to know if your ex is just being friendly or wants you back, you have to look at your ex’s behavior from a rational standpoint. It won’t be easy, but you have to shut down your emotions, expectations, fears, and hopes, and discern how much you mean to your ex.

If you mean a lot to your ex, rest assured that your ex won’t clown around, tell jokes, talk about how great his life is, and appear completely unaffected by the breakup. A man or woman who wants you back won’t appear happy and relaxed (the way he or she acted throughout the relationship). He or she will appear sad, perturbed, fearful, depressed, cautious, and even downright miserable.

Many dumpees think it’s the other way around – that their ex will ask for them back with a smile, but that’s not how it is. I’ve seen many dumpers come back and I can tell you that most of them are very quiet and vigilant.

They’re worried that they blew their chances with their ex, so they act the way people who dread bad news do. They appear visually disturbed and laser-focused on nothing and no one but their ex.

This is why all you have to do is look out for signs of discontent, fear, and apprehension in your ex. You should be able to notice them very quickly because if your ex wants you back romantically, your ex will be in a hurry to reconcile with you. He or she will need help coping with anxiety and various unwanted emotions—and won’t be in the mood to talk about random, unimportant subjects.

Not when his/her happiness is at stake.

Here’s a comparison between an ex who wants you back and an ex who wants to be your friend.

Another significant difference is that an ex who just wants to be friends could also want a friends with benefits kind of relationship whereas an ex who wants you back will try to impress you and do what you want to do. You need to look out for a shift in power as it’s one of the best signs your ex loves you and wants you back.

So if you’re thinking to yourself, “Does my ex want me back or just wants to be friends,” keep in mind that if you have to ask this question that your ex likely just wants to be friends. Your ex is used to talking to you and wants to keep talking to you without a romantic commitment.

In other words, your ex wants the cake and eat it too. It’s better not to spoil your ex or there’s a risk that you’ll lose yourself in the process.

Of course, there’s a small chance that friendship can lead back into a relationship, but, unfortunately, this usually doesn’t happen. More often than not, it just disappoints the broken-hearted dumpee and postpones the time it takes him or her to feel better and fully recover.

Why is that?

It’s because dumpers don’t usually decide to be with their ex through friendship – by talking to their ex and hanging out with him or her. They come back when they’re away from their ex because distance makes them see all the benefits they’re losing out on.

So don’t stay hopeful that your ex will come back to you if you remain friends with your ex. You’ll have a much, much higher chance of reattracting your ex (and feeling better too) if you retain your power by cutting your ex off and showing your ex that you’re an all-or-nothing kind of person.

If you settle for less than you deserve (friendship), your ex will see that you’re okay with anything he or she proposes and feel even less urged to hurry up before you move on. So don’t be a pushover. Stand up against anyone and anything that obstructs or threatens your happiness and well-being.

Exes who come back during friendship usually do so because they date other people. You don’t want to be around when your ex looks happy with someone else. You want to receive a text or call only when your ex rebounds or fails with the new person and wants you back.

That’s when you’ll be able to have a proper discussion with the person who got GIGS and undervalued you.

That’s when you can discuss everything that went wrong and everything that needs to change before you jump back into a relationship that ended against your will.

What do I do if my ex just wants to be friends?

When your ex wants to be friends with you after the breakup, the best thing to do is to say that you aren’t quite ready for friendship yet and that you need more time to yourself to think things through.

You mustn’t say that you want more than friendship because that will make it obvious that you’re aiming for a relationship, but do say that you’re trying to focus on yourself and that you’ll let him or her know if you decide you to be friends.

Once you’ve said that, you should immediately go no contact. It’s necessary to stick to your word so that you let your ex see and feel that you’re not going to pretend everything’s okay.

If you want your ex back, your emotional health is far from okay. It’s suffering because your ex destroyed your dreams and hopes and made you desperate for love and attention. He or she rejected you, hence why you must learn to accept yourself.

This is something your ex can’t help you with. Your ex can’t teach you how self-love works because self-love is something you must figure out on your own.

You must embark on the journey to recovery and self-discovery without your ex so that you can develop your own strength and find purpose in things and people you love.

I strongly encourage you to invest in yourself after the breakup. The breakup is a perfect opportunity for you to make a few healthy changes and adjustments so that you can be happier on your own and later with your ex or someone else.

If you agree to friendship and hope that your ex discerns your worth, know that you won’t learn much about yourself and the mistakes you’ve made. On the contrary, you’ll waste your valuable time as you’ll focus on your ex rather than yourself.

So don’t accept your ex’s friendship and start acting like your ex’s buddy. You can be friends later if you want to, but definitely not right after the breakup when it’s time for reflection and personal growth.

It doesn’t matter how you reject your ex’s friendship. Just make sure you don’t offend or hurt your ex because hurting others is not cool and doesn’t make them care about you.

What do I do if my ex wants me back?

If your ex dumped you and wants you back, don’t immediately accept your ex back and tell your ex how happy you are that he or she is back.

Instead of celebrating early, ask your ex what made him or her come back and what he or she expects from the relationship.

Your ex’s reply will tell you:

• how ready and willing your ex is to grow within and invest in the relationship
• what your ex thinks and feels about you
• and how likely it is that you’ll be happy with your ex

I probably mention this every other day, but if you don’t take the reins, your ex will. And if your ex does, it’s quite possible that your ex will dump you again when your ex gets tired, bored, angry, or overwhelmed.

You only have one chance to get this right. That chance is while your ex respects you, fears you, and needs you.

So simply tell your ex that things are going to be different this time around and that you’ll need his or her full cooperation. If your ex agrees to your terms, you have to remain in charge for a while and guide your ex. But if your ex disagrees, you need to walk away.

How you portray yourself is how your ex will treat you. So put your foot down and politely but firmly state that time for games is over and that it’s your way or the highway.

Are you wondering if your ex wants you back or just wants to be friends? Comment below.

However, if you’re looking for 1-on-1 breakup coaching, visit our coaching page to learn how to get in touch.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Learn more about me or get in touch today.