If you’re looking for signs your ex wants you back but won’t admit it, you need to go deeper than your eyes and ears can see and hear. You need to take your ex under the microscope, dissect your ex’s behavior and attitude, and figure out what your ex expects and needs from you.
If your ex is acting normal – like his or her usual self and doesn’t ask for anything, it’s unlikely that your ex wants you back. Your ex probably just wants to be your friend or an occasional friend with benefits.
But if your ex seems to be in pain and needs you to feel good in his or her skin, then your ex most likely wants you back very badly. Your ex has a desire to reconcile but doesn’t know how to express it to you because your ex is afraid. Afraid that you’ll reject him or her and increase his/her pain.
If that’s the case, you just need to give your ex less attention (or none at all) and wait for your ex’s fear of loss to accumulate. When it does, your ex will either verbally tell you how he or she feels about you or show you that in a very straightforward manner.
So don’t think that an ex who wants you back won’t ever admit it. He or she may just not know how to express it to you out of fear of rejection and will show you love and a need for love indirectly and non-verbally.
The desire for reconciliation and the need to be with you will be bigger than the fear of rejection. They always are when an ex comes back for the right reasons (out of love and respect).
This post is for everyone’s who’s looking for signs your ex wants you back but won’t admit it.
9 signs your ex wants you back but won’t admit it
Before we talk about the 9 signs your ex wants you back but won’t admit it, we need to mention that an ex who wants you back won’t play mind games with you. He or she will either swim oceans to get back with you or be uncertain and unwilling to be with you.
Either way, it was your ex who left, which means it has to be your ex who lowers pride, asks for another chance, and commits to you.
If it’s you who does all the work, you can forget about having a well-balanced relationship with your ex. You won’t have it because the dumper will be in full control of the relationship and likely won’t learn to respect you and love you again. The dumper will probably have reservations that will greatly affect the way he or she perceives you and expresses love.
That’s why so many couples break up when they get back together. They don’t create a power-balanced relationship, so they fall out of love and suffer again.
You need to make sure your ex understands your worth and proves that with gratitude, listening skills, future planning, and self-improvement. These things will tell you that your ex has come back for the right reasons whereas a self-centered, angry attitude will tell you that your ex has unprocessed negative emotions and that your relationship likely won’t be any better the second time around.
It will most likely be very similar if not the same as before as resentments and a lack of reflection will destroy the relationship faster than greased lightning.
With that said, let’s now talk about the 9 signs your ex wants you back but won’t admit it.
1)Asks you out and tries to tell you something/make a move on you
One of the best signs your ex wants you back but won’t admit it is if your ex takes the initiative, invites you out, and tells you or shows you that something’s on his or her mind.
Something that your ex can’t seem to muster up the courage to talk about. If your ex wants to tell you something, your ex could appear stressed, shy, nervous, soft-spoken, apprehensive, defeated, and pitiful.
He or she could look unhappy about life in general and would need your support.
That could indicate that your ex wants to talk about the reconciliation but that your ex doesn’t because he or she sees you’re doing fine and fears you may not want the same thing.
This is good. Fear and reverence often go hand in hand as they show that the dumper respects you but is afraid of saying or doing something that could change your impression of him or her.
An ex this fearful may frequently look for opportunities to confess feelings and try to obtain that which he/she lacks – recognition, self-acceptance, security, strength…
It’s best not to give these things to your ex ahead of time. Your ex has to earn them first by asking for them and showing the desire and willpower to contribute to your life before he or she takes from it.
2)Brings up the good times, asks why you even broke up, and observes your response
If your ex forgot about the reasons behind the breakup and talks about the good times a lot, that could mean that your ex is nostalgic and that he or she has gotten over some of the negative moments and emotions from the past.
Your ex might be ready to open up to you and discuss getting back together.
That’s because nostalgia, especially when it’s caused by romantic moments shows that the dumper is ruminating about the days when he or she was happy or happier.
The dumper’s focus is on the past and not on the present, which means that something about the present has room for improvement or re-experience.
Whatever you do, don’t mistake regular nostalgia for romantic nostalgia. If your ex merely talks about that one time you went to the movies with all your friends, that’s not very romantic at all. Your ex remembers the memorable moments that happened with other people and not necessarily the times that happened between the two of you.
You should only consider this a good sign if your ex talks about the day or days when you two spent time together and had a lot of fun, romance, chemistry, and even sex.
1-on-1 conversations about such things could confirm that your ex is opening up to you and giving you the hint that he or she still feels something for you.
3)Appears afraid, anxious, worried, insecure
This is probably the best sign you can come across. If your ex avoids eye contact and appears shy and vulnerable, your ex is most likely ashamed about what he or she has done and worried about how you’ll react.
Your ex is scared—and that’s great because it means your ex values your opinion of him/her as a person and wants to impress you.
Only people who want their ex back want to impress their ex. Others just don’t care about what their ex thinks about them. They don’t have any expectations of their ex, so they couldn’t care less about their ex’s opinion and feelings.
So if your ex follows you around a lot and appears anxious and insecure, rest assured that you have one of the best signs your ex wants you back but won’t admit it.
Your ex wouldn’t stick to you like bees to honey if your ex didn’t feel anything and want anything. Your ex would run for the mountains.
Just make sure not to mistake fear, pain, and worry for awkwardness.
Some dumpers quickly avert their gaze when dumpees run into them in public. They don’t do this because they’re shy, but because they feel uncomfortable and don’t know how to react.
Such dumpers aren’t worth your time.
4)Asks if you ever think about getting back together
It’s much easier for your ex to ask you what you feel about him before he asks to get back together. This is because your ex can protect himself in case you turn him down. Your ex can take a moment to recover and then craft a new strategy for reconciliation.
So if your ex asked you to get back together, know that your ex either asked this question out of curiosity or because he or she has been thinking about getting back with you.
You can find out what your ex wants simply by telling your ex that the breakup opened your eyes about many things and that if you were to get back together that things would need to change big time.
After that, you can just wait for your ex to continue. If he or she is curious about what you meant, your ex will want to know what needs to change.
And that’s when you can say that you would need him or her to listen to you and do the things that he or she previously neglected.
There’s a lot that needs to change when your ex wants you back. Read this article if your ex just came back after a period of no contact.
5)Talks to you after dating someone else
Another sign your ex wants you back but won’t admit it is if your ex stops dating someone else and starts talking to you again.
That would mean that your ex now has a reason to talk to you. And that reason has something to do with his romantic failure.
The more painful the failure was the more likely it is that your ex sees you as a backup plan and that your ex came back to patch his or her wounds or to have someone to spend time with.
If your ex came back after dating someone else you need to be very careful. Although it’s possible that your ex realized your worth through failure, it’s also possible that your ex is only temporarily stopping by.
You can discover your ex’s intentions by asking your ex why he or she came back and what he/she has learned since the breakup.
6)Something went seriously wrong
It’s no secret that most exes come back when something goes badly wrong. They can’t deal with the consequences of their actions on their own, so they contact an ex they had a good emotional connection with and try to obtain his/her love and support.
By relying on their ex, they feel accepted and loved and emotionally ready to tackle their problems.
So if something went horribly wrong on your ex end and your ex suddenly pays a lot of attention to you, keep in mind that this is both a good and a bad sign.
On the one hand, it indicates that your ex sees you as someone he or she can rely on, but on the other, it means that your ex wants to use you to feel better about the pickle he or she got himself or herself into.
Thread carefully.
7)Stalks you in person
It’s usually dumpees who do the stalking. But sometimes (rarely) dumpers do it too. They feel that they’re being abandoned and forgotten, so they try to stay in control by any means necessary.
Sometimes they breadcrumb their ex and other times, they stalk their ex. How they act varies depending on their self-esteem.
The worst their self-esteem is, the higher the odds that they’ll do something desperate.
So if you saw your ex at the place you frequent (possibly more than once), this is most likely not a coincidence. Your ex probably wants you to strike a conversation with him or her so that your ex doesn’t have to do the hard work.
As I mentioned before, don’t do the work for your ex. You have to let your ex initiate conversations and express the wish to get back together.
That’s the only way your ex will give you your power back.
8)Sends you gifts
Gifts from an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend are also sometimes a sign that your ex wants you back but won’t admit it.
Gifts prove that you’re on your ex’s mind a lot and that your ex is trying to impress you or woo you.
Whatever it is, your ex wants something only you have. You better keep it to yourself until your ex learns your worth, apologizes for leaving, asks you to take him/her back, and puts in the work.
9)Gets upset when you talk to others
The last sign that your ex wants you back but won’t admit it is if your ex gets jealous and angry when you talk to or about other people.
This sign could indicate that your ex has expectations of you and that seeing you happy with other people hurts your ex’s ego and self-esteem.
When your ex hates the idea of losing you to someone else, your ex still feels connected to you.
The question is whether your ex merely compares himself/herself to other people and gets his or her ego bruised or actually still has feelings for you.
You can get to the bottom of this simply by watching what your ex does. If your ex doesn’t do anything to grab your attention, your ex feels a bit threatened but not enough to act. Your ex is used to being the only person who cares about you, so it will likely take a while longer for your ex to get used to seeing you with other men or women.
But if your ex starts planning dates and running errands for you, then your ex likely realized your worth through other people and wants you back.
Wait until your ex makes a move and tells you that.
Did you see any of the signs that your ex wants you back but won’t admit it? If you did, which ones? Let us know what you learned below the post.
And if you’re not sure what your ex wants and would like our help, get in touch with us here.
The wise thing for the dumper to do, even if they want to reconcile with the former unmarried ex, is have the maturity and sense to never go back. They should focus on healing, even if/when the love never goes away, and focus on God. The good news for them is that God CAN and DOES heal broken hearts, if one genuinely diligently persistently repentantly seeks Him for healing and protection. Once that happens, many realize that they do not need to return to their ex and instead have a choice – they can either live their lives in freedom and peace and helping others, or they can ethically find someone of the opposite gender to love and give their affections to. Many people have done this, in spite of having past loves and some of whom they never got over, but were determined to move on from. Is it sad in that case? Not always – it depends honestly on the person. Either way, dumpees should continue to respect those dumpers who have made the choice to focus on healing and moving on. If they ever accidentally meet up, just be civil and courteous and if possible, follow God’s rule – [Platonically] “Love thy neighbor as thy love thyself” = be a platonic only stranger/friend to them and never offer or expect any further romantic love in return. Some who have done this have genuinely/honestly gone on to become friends with their ex [both dumpees and dumpers] all while humbly respecting their ex’s space and never compromising their standards or self-respect and remained life-long friends – such as the case of my husband with his childhood ex’s with whom he no longer has any romantic feelings or inclinations for and likewise, they have since moved on as well and gotten married to other men and are at peace and happy. On the rare occasions that we do meet up to hang out, I’m not intimidated by them and my husband has always been faithful to me and never been with any other woman while with me – for which is a rare and beautiful blessing. As for others, sadly, most do not want or fail to achieve this rare level of maturity, and as a result, they usually are more at peace to just reject their ex once and then never look back nor return. Either choices are more than perfectly acceptable to do. Of course, this works for those who had never married and were dating. It is much different in the case of those who WERE married. In the case of being separated but not divorced, then the choice is either they reconcile with their opposite sex spouse OR they do not marry anyone else until their spouse’s death – and then they are free to either marry again or remain single at their choice as well. In the case of those, though, who married an unbeliever and the unbeliever departs, i.e – is unwilling to live with them and leaves, then the wise thing to do is let them leave and seek peace however it WILL still remain the unbelieving dumper’s fault and they will be held accountable for being unwilling to live with and for leaving/abandoning their opposite gender spouse and as such they have become, accurately, an adulterer and any future person they get together, unless they repent themselves, will likewise also be acknowledged accurately as adulterous and become an adulterer. So that situation is Much MUCH worse. All the more reason and better for those who want to get married to be more cautious of who they fall in love with and who they want to be with. Keep in mind, while dating, there is no shame for choosing to dump even a compatible and respectful mutual love, if you either desire to be single and free OR you want better for yourself. Sometimes, the grass truly is greener and even rarer, in my case, you are then blessed with the precious gift of when the greener grass comes to you, even when you do not seek or ask for it and if you decide you DO want to be with someone else, then that is truly a rare and precious gift to cherish. God bless!
Thanks for the comment, Emily.
I agree that the best way to deal with heartbreak is to be passionate about something. It can be religion, sport, work, or something else. It doesn’t matter what it is as long as it keeps you busy and interested.
Best,
Zan
I’m so glad that my ex didn’t even write me after the breakup. I healed adequately, and now I feel good
Thank you, Zan, for being here and helping us during our darkest moments
Thank you too, Linda.
You’ve helped me too as you motivated me to write.
Best,
Zan
What does it mean when my Ex left me because she was dreaming about great life without me – this idea went horribly wrong and after several years she met me and told me that she is miserable and she is going to destroy my life. She told me that her life has now no value so she has clear intention to make my life miserable.
Is there any explanation for this behavior and advice how should I respond ?
Hi Milan.
You should stay away from your ex and try not to aggravate her. She should leave you alone if you refuse to give her the reaction she’s looking for. It seems that she’s extremely unhappy with her life and that she blames you for it. She has the “If I’m not happy, you won’t be either” mentality.
Kind regards,
Zan