My Ex Is Trying To Make Me Jealous

Since dumpers are tired of being in a relationship with their exes, they often change their exes’ personality traits into whatever they want them to be. They do everything in their power to devalue their exes just so they can avoid taking responsibility and pretend to be victims.

The sad truth is that they don’t just pretend to be victims. They believe they are, otherwise, they wouldn’t feel emotions of relief, anger, suffocation, and power. They’d feel weak and miserable, similar to how dumpees feel. But that’s not how breakups work. Most breakups are one-sided, which means that only one person gets to feel relieved.

Only one person gets to feel happy—and that person is the dumper. Dumpers feel that they were mistreated, neglected, abused, or that they deserve better. That’s why they think they must protect their ego and pride by doing something that hurts dumpees and brings a strong reaction out of them.

The easiest way for them to do that is to play jealousy games. Jealousy can almost instantaneously affect broken-hearted dumpees and empower dumpers with validation and control. Power-hungry dumpers act maliciously so that they can put their exes down and uplift themselves.

They believe that their exes have hurt them a lot and that they must get back at their exes for the things their exes did throughout the relationship.

If you get angry or beg and plead with dumpers for another chance after they’ve made you jealous, they get exactly what they need from you. They get their ego boosted and stop caring about you completely. They don’t want anything to do with you anymore because they see that they have power over you and lose interest.

This is why begging and pleading and interacting with dumpers almost never works in the ways you want it to work. Before you get a chance to reason with them, their self-defense mechanisms are already up and running. They’re already guarded and ready to repel anything that shows you care about them more than you should care.

So don’t confuse post-breakup jealousy for jealousy in a relationship. A little bit of jealousy in a relationship can be a good thing as it can show that you care. But jealousy after the breakup isn’t good at all. It serves no purpose as some dumpers just want to make their exes jealous to hurt them and have their revenge.

If your ex is trying to make you jealous and you’re trying to figure out why, keep reading. This article will explain why your ex would do that when he or she is already in full control of the breakup.

My ex is trying to make me jealous

My ex is trying to make me jealous

When dumpers have spread enough rumors about their “awful” relationships, they eventually start believing what they say and think. They transform their kindhearted ex-partners into untameable beasts and do their best to get their friends and family on their sides too.

Oftentimes, they try to make their ex-partners look bad just so that they can justify their breakup decision and appear divine in their peers’ eyes.

But sometimes, dumpers don’t stop there.

Because they feel disrespected, belittled and extremely angry, emotionally immature dumpers sometimes act on instincts and start looking for retribution. After some scheming and plotting, they come up with various malicious ways to play mind games with their dumpees and make them suffer for their wrongdoings.

They see that they have power and that they can use their power to their advantage.

Such dumpers can play all sorts of games with dumpees, but the most common ones are jealousy games. Jealousy games make them feel more important than they are as they show them that their ex still cares about them.

But, fortunately, their immature behavior doesn’t last forever.

When dumpees pick up on their exes’ jealousy games, they start asking questions, such as, “Why is my ex trying to make me jealous when he/she broke up with me? Why does my ex want to hurt me? Did I do something to offend my ex?

At first, the dumpers’ behavior doesn’t make any sense. Why would an ex try to make you jealous with another guy or woman when you just want to heal and move on? You’re probably just minding your own business, but your ex won’t let you do that. It’s as if peace hurts your ex and causes him or her extreme discomfort.

Well, peace probably does hurt your ex because your ex doesn’t want you to be happy. Your ex especially doesn’t want you to be happy if you’re staying in no contact and focusing on yourself. The thought that you could get away from the relationship without paying the price for the things you’ve done infuriates your ex. That’s why your ex thinks he or she needs to do something about it.

Is my ex playing mind games?

Most exes don’t play mind games with their dumpees. They normally have better things to do—and just go separate ways. That way, they can get some space from their exes and not worry about anyone but themselves.

It’s the young, immature, and vengeful exes who play mind games after the breakup. Such dumpers think their ex had the last laugh and that they need to make their ex suffer in order to get even. That’s why they play mind games or jealousy games with someone who isn’t even in their life anymore.

So if you’re wondering whether your ex is playing mind games, look at the malicious deeds your ex is doing. The more pain and suffering your ex wants to cause you, the more likely it is that your ex wants revenge.

You need to protect yourself from it by being the bigger person and unfollowing or even blocking your ex. That’s if your ex is reaching out or posting harmful things on social media.

If your ex is reaching out to you and saying strange things, however, then try not to immediately assume that your ex is playing mind games with you. Your ex could be just trying to act like a friend. A friend who confuses you and makes you wonder what his or her intentions are.

You need to stop communicating with your ex as his or her breadcrumbs can’t help you. They can just give you false hope and make you feel like getting back with your ex is possible.

Is my ex playing mind games

Dumpers want out

Sadly, many dumpers are so done with the relationship that they just don’t care if they hurt you. Even if they see that you’re struggling with the breakup and know you could use their help, they still won’t help you.

They won’t do it because they’d rather not risk getting pressured and guilt-tripped by you. They broke up with you to stay away from you, not to reach your expectations and continue helping you cope with anxiety and problems.

Breakups are about emotional and physical space. So expect dumpers to stop interacting with you or interacting the way you want them to.

Is my ex trying to make me jealous?

If your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend is trying to make you jealous, you probably already know that he or she is. You see that your ex is dying for a reaction from you because your ex needs to see how his or her actions make you feel.

A cheesy relationship quote or a picture of some random person on social media is unlikely going to give your ex much satisfaction. That’s because your ex won’t know how it affects you. Your ex will know how it affects you only if he or she sees you in person (let’s say at the club) and dances or makes out with people in front of you.

That would be extremely manipulative and a below-the-belt hit. It’s something only the most immature dumpers would do because they assume that their worth is determined by the attention they receive from others. The only advice I can give you about people like that is to run.

Run far away and be glad that the relationship with them has ended.

Is my ex trying to make me jealous

You have every right to lose respect for your ex when your ex plays jealousy games and mind games that intend to destroy your self-esteem and hurt you.

Here are some things your ex could do to make you jealous:

  • Posting relationship pictures on Facebook/Instagram. Your ex could tag you, talk about you, or compare you to someone else.
  • Professing undying love to his/her new partner online or next to you.
  • Announcing publicly how bad his or her previous relationship was.
  • Flirting with others and making sure you noticed it.
  • Trying to make you nostalgic. For example, going to common places and doing things you used to do together as a couple. An ex playing the nostalgia card could take someone he or she likes to a place you liked – let’s say the place you proposed. That’s how your ex could make you feel insignificant and nostalgic at the same time.

If you notice that your ex is trying to make you jealous, don’t get upset with your ex. Don’t do anything that would tell your ex that you’re hurt and disappointed by your ex’s behavior. That would only validate your ex’s new relationship and give more power to your ex.

The power that your ex doesn’t need any more of.

Why is my ex trying to make me jealous?

If your ex tries to make you jealous, this doesn’t necessarily mean that your ex still cares about you romantically. Your ex probably isn’t pretending to be over you or anything you could be hoping for.

The reason your ex is trying to make you jealous is way simpler than you may think. That’s because there is only one reasonable explanation for your ex’s behavior.

And it goes like this.

Your ex is being vindictive and wants to hurt you for who you are as a person and how you’ve made him or her feel throughout the relationship. Your ex knows that when he or she makes you feel jealous, your ex also damages your self-esteem and your happiness.

The moment you get hurt and your ex finds out about it, he or she feels better about himself or herself and feels in control.

Yes, some people can be vengeful to the core. When someone hurts them and disrespects them, their knee-jerk reaction is to retaliate with more destruction. An eye for an eye, so to speak.

If you want karma to get your ex, you know what I’m talking about. You want your ex to pay for treating you poorly.

Here’s an infographic explaining why your ex is trying to make you jealous.

Why is my ex trying to make me jealous

Breakups can get ugly

Breakups sometimes turn into a competition between the dumper and the dumpee.

When the dumper realizes that the dumpee is doing okay during no contact, the dumper’s ego sometimes takes a hit. It makes the dumper think that he or she is not important and worth speaking to. That’s when the dumper decides to obtain an ego boost through acts of malice and vengeance.

You must understand that the dumper often feels victimized after the breakup. And when he or she realizes that the dumpee is doing great or good enough, an immature dumper also resorts to things that cause pain and validate his or her importance.

Dumpers vs dumpees

If dumpees are known for begging, apologizing, and pulling off grand gestures, then dumpers certainly don’t disappoint when it comes to playing jealousy games and sending breadcrumbs.

Power-hungry dumpers who have absolutely no self-control give the word jealousy a whole new meaning. Since they like to blame their exes for the way they feel, they often want justice—and start doing wicked things. Things that their parents or children wouldn’t be proud of.

They use underhand tactics to put their dumpees down and by doing so, increase their own significance.

Or at least they think they do.

What they don’t realize is that they are only ruining their own karma and making things harder for themselves in the long run. When they realize that others don’t define their worth is when they relearn the definition of self-worth and find ways to grow it the right way – by investing in themselves.

What if your ex makes you jealous?

Even if your ex manages to get what he or she is after (validation), it won’t take long before your ex runs out of it.

The reason for that is that validation provides a powerful, yet short-lived boost to the ego. It doesn’t last long because the ego is a constant desire for external validation. So even though your ex may get some validation from you, he or she won’t feel empowered by it forever.

Eventually, your ex’s validation will once again hit rock bottom, forcing your ex to seek it again. Your ex might, of course, not seek it from you but perhaps from someone else.

This is especially true if your ex appears to have low self-esteem and constantly requires approval.

So if you fall for your ex’s jealousy trap, don’t panic. Let your ex do what he or she wants to do while you figure out a way to become happy with yourself again.

Should I make my ex jealous?

Please don’t attempt to play mind games versus your ex’s mind games.

Your ex won’t get jealous after you’ve become jealous. That’s because your ex isn’t emotionally invested in you anymore. He or she probably wants you to find someone else and move on with your life.

By fighting dirty, you’ll just stoop down to your ex’s level and prove that you’re just like your ex. You’ll prove that you’re vengeful and manipulative.

If you resort to playing jealousy games, your breakup will turn into a nasty competition that won’t even be about your current partners/dates/hookups anymore. It will be about proving who can make each other feel the worst. And if you ask me, that’s completely pointless and a waste of a perfectly good life.

Just because your ex is playing nasty, doesn’t mean you should retaliate in a nasty way. It’s not the right way to make someone “care” about you. It’s healthier for you and those around you to focus on creating relationships rather than destroying them.

Make your ex envious

If you’re thinking of making your ex jealous by resorting to jealousy games, know that you should incite envy instead. Envy is the morally-acceptable way of making your ex feel that he or she is missing out on you because you’ll be focusing on yourself and enjoying your life.

You’ll be improving your life, growing as a person, and not caring about your ex’s little games.

Should I make my ex jealous

So direct your attention toward yourself and the things that matter to you.

Your ex no longer matters. He or she is a person from the past who shouldn’t occupy your mind anymore. If he or she does, it means you have some work to do. You have to detach, forgive your ex, and know that it’s not worth fighting fire with fire.

Not unless you have nothing better going on in your life.

Is your ex making you jealous? Are you thinking of making your ex jealous back? Let us know what you’re thinking in the comments below.

And as always, if you’d like to discuss your ex’s behavior or the breakup with us, sign up for breakup coaching with us.

10 thoughts on “My Ex Is Trying To Make Me Jealous”

  1. My ex left me after verbally hurting me and I immediately went no contact right away. He begged for a month after for me to talk to him, than he wanted to be “friends” to which i to him I can’t with someone i have feelings for who hurt me. Then he begged me to reconcile which I declined. This went on for months before we ceased communication again for a month. He than updated his public profile to him with a girl laying in bed together. I immediately blocked his FB. He than emailed me to let me know he was in a new and “healthy” relationship & “your not going to ruin it” and to never talk to him again. It hurt.

    Reply
    • Hi Rachel.

      It sounds like there’s a lot of animosity between you two. A lot of unmet expectations and hurt feelings. I strongly suggest you keep him blocked and stay away from him. He posted a picture with that gurl just to get back at you. You don’t need that kind of person in your life. You deserve better!

      Best regards,
      Zan

      Reply
  2. I’ll admit that I did talk some crap about my ex after our breakup, which I’m not proud of, although everything I said was true. But I never went out of my way to make him jealous. I started dating again fairly soon, but there were no names, no photos, not even any vagueposting. There was no point in arousing his jealousy because I was done with him and I wanted him to be done with me.

    Reply
    • Hi Jaycie.

      It’s okay as long as you didn’t intentionally post things to make him jealous. And it’s even better if you were self-aware of your behavior and how your actions could hurt him.

      Best,
      Zan

      Reply
  3. I had an ex stalking me for months. First following me and watching my stories for 7 months. Then she started liking my pictures and finally she reached out.

    By that time I was ready to reatract her as I was actually wanting her back.
    So she started asking the usual questions. The how are you and what have you been up to. I even recieved a drunk message at 3 am.

    As I saw that she was being reactive I suggested we should meet. She said yesss.
    However she told me she no longer lives in the same city as I do. She now lives less than 2 hours away. The conversation stopped.

    A couple of days later she reached out again and started asking questions again. Now we were talking through whatsapp and had a healthy conversation. She was now sending strings of five messages. I would mirror her interest level and kept it cool.

    Again I suggested to meet up but this time through facetime because of the distance.
    Again she said yes. She just needed to clear some space for that night (sunday) or most likely tuesday night.

    She didnt reach out.

    However, on wednesday she reached out again. Congratuladed me for some work stuff I did and that I shared on instagram but no mention of us facetiming.

    By this time I knew that asking her a 3rd time would be too much so I just let it there. Saying thanks.

    My birthday was a week after and I felt that she would reach out. She did.
    That night I went out with some friends to a club and had a great time. Uploaded a couple of stories to instagram and waited till the next day to answer back.

    She took interest in what I did to celebrate and I just said “many things”
    It seemed that a new conversation was starting again and maybe she would tell me about facetiming.
    I was still a little hangover from last night so I told her that its nice talking to her but that I have some things to do right now and that I would answer back when I had the time.
    I went to sleep for a couple of hours.

    I woke up and saw at least 5 messages from her. She asked what things I had to do and if I still live in the same area.
    Inbetween the two questions she mentions that when she started college she started calling her new boyfriend “Wacho”. That she just recently remembered that I call one of my bestfriends by the same nickname and if I still him the same.

    To clarify her new boyfriend and my friend are not the same person. They just share the nickname.

    To be honest I have no idea why she told me that. I had no idea she had a bf and I could care less what she calls him but somehow she felt it necessary to tell me that.
    I do feel that she was trying to make me jealous and possibly even hurt me.

    The breakup was tough on me. Spent 6 months at therapy to pull myself back together and by the time we began talking again I was a new person.

    It just seems like she saw me doing great again and thought that she needed to bring me down again. Which she did for a couple of days because she did hurt me. I still wanted her back and I feel she lead me on. She said yes when I asked her out twice and reached out on my birthday.

    I guess I fell into her trap.

    In the end I told her that we should not be talking unless she truly wants to see me and possibly get back together. Asking her to respect that.

    Last thing she told me was that she was glad I was doing so well.

    She still stalks me and likes my pictures from time to time.

    Reply
  4. Dude! This chick is as toxic as they come. You should focus on learning healthy bounderies not only for your behavior but also for what you’ll put up with in a relationship/friendship. You could probably learn a bit about what it takes to have a healthy relationship while you are at it. Be more selective on who you invest in. Sounds like she had you wrapped around her finger from the start. No offense but you gotta do some work on yourself. Education in these areas will help, experience is also a plus. You gotta throw allot of horseshoes these days to get a ringer. Sounds to me like you dodged a bullet in a big way. She’s also a highly damaged soul to put it bluntly. Find a woman who loves herself from the inside wrather from her apearance.

    Reply
  5. Hi, my ex is very hurt and angry, but still in love with me. Recently she danced with another guy in front of me and admitted it was to make me jealous. She was very drunk and confessed her feelings.

    She still doesn’t want to talk to me. It’s been 4 months since we split (insulted her while drunk) and 1 month since we stopped talking (I kissed a mutual friend while drunk).

    Wondering if anyone has insight as to whats going on in her head? Should I ask a friend to ask if she’d be ok with a phone call?

    Reply
    • Hi, I’m Joe

      I work as a bar tender at nights, definitely broke up with my ex and decided to end that toxic relationship for good. We split up 20 days ago. Since last week she comes to the pub quite often with a new boyfriend, and they are petting all the time! It’s OK for me, she’s someone else’s problem now. Now I invest most of my free time on my hobbies and friends and I feel way better now than when we were together. So, my advice is: move on with your life, man. Stay strong

      Reply
  6. Hello, my name is Bryce.

    I dated this girl recently and everything was amazing. I met her through a dating app (bumble) took me a few weeks to convince her to finally come over. Ever since we spent every single day together. I was there for her during some of the worst times of her life. About 4 months into us dating she already moved in with me(first person to ever move in with me). A few months after she moved in I did take advantage of her of the love she gave me. In terms of me talking to other girls (internet girls) and emotionally cheating on her(during that time she stuck by my side and never once lied to me). Fast forward another few months I asked her to leave my house so we can both fix ourselves in the meantime. I was having a really bad depression stage when she was gone(I know it was my fault) I breached her trust one last time by just hanging out with 2 of my good(male) friends and 2 other girls because for whatever reason her and I were having a rough night, again no physical contact was made. I was passed the point of even hiding things from her so I told her the truth. Since that last occasion she gave me a lot of hope that she still loved me and wanted things to work out in the future and she even had plans of moving back in with me after her first semester of College(happy me). That being said; I was constantly focused on changing myself for the better and making myself a happier individual as well as her. About 2 weeks ago now I reached out to a guy that I thought she was talking to behind my back. Turns out she told him that we were no longer dating and she would send him constant selfies as well as one of her in a bikini. After finding out she asked me “how does it feel to be lied to” (I know I deserved this treatment) however, she reassured me still that it was nothing to worry about. That being said it gave me a lot of doubts in our relationship, she would rarely talk to me and she would always talk to some random internet friends on Xbox over me. I was curious to see what else she could possibly be hiding from me. I reached out to one of her internet friends to see if she knew anything. She of course took her side and told me that I should talk to her about it. I get a phone call the next day from my girlfriend yelling and cussing at me. During that 20 minute phone call she admitted to using me for helping her purchase a vehicle(I didn’t help her buy it but I have my connections). She felt that it was “owed” to her, then she also admitted to talking to another guy behind my back for the past month. Towards the end of the phone call she did end our relationship. Me being a little confused and heartbroken at the time I did call her excessively in a short period of time (I’d say 30ish times). Later that night I received a phone call from the local PD that she reported me for harassment and if I ever contact her again I will go to jail. (I understood where we stood after that phone call). The next day after she filed the report she unblocks me on Facebook; keep in mind that she had me blocked on all social media for roughly 2 months). She made all of her posts public and then posted a profile picture of her and a caption that said “she was too hot for me anyway”. Proceeding with another post of her out on a date with the guy I’d imagine she’s been talking to for the past month. Sorry for the long post but I just want to understand what the internet thinks is going through her mind and how should I handle the situation (Please no negative feedback)

    P.S. If you need any form of clarification on this post please feel free to ask. Haven’t slept in 24+ hours just driving myself insane.

    P.S.S. I know not to contact her will never risk my future for ANYONE.

    P.S.S.S Anyone know what actions I can take as she refused to take her rabbit back(which she loved dearly apparently) and I am legally not allowed to contact her

    TLDR; I hurt girlfriend that lived with me for numerous months and she moved out. Gave me false hope for a few months, lied to me cheated me and the reported me to the police. After the report she unblocked me on Facebook and made all of her posts public to me. She then posted a picture of herself then a following post of her on a date with the guy she told me she was cheating on me with.

    Thank you,
    A lost and heartbroken soul.

    Reply
    • I think that what is running through her mind is that she is tired of men using, abusing and taking women’s love for granted. This is her way of making sure that you get karma. It doesn’t feel good to be treated the way men treat women. Now you know how it feels. No sympathy here.

      Reply

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