Most of the time, dumpers don’t need to pretend that they’re over you because the end of the relationship signals that they are. They end the relationship with the intention to go separate ways and focus only on themselves and things that matter to them.
Dumpees, on the other hand, find it difficult to pretend. They are usually so heartbroken that their ex can sense their pain a mile away.
If you got dumped and you’re trying to figure out if your ex’s actions are genuine, look no more. Here are 11 signs your ex is pretending to be over you.
1)Your ex can’t stop looking at you
If you catch your ex gazing at you and quickly averting his or her eyes away from you not once, but many times, you can be almost certain your ex still has feelings for you.
Eye contact aversion is an important non-verbal expression that signals interest, attention, and most prominently—respect.
The reason why this sign is so important is that when your ex is truly pretending to be over you, he or she becomes self-aware of his or her non-verbal communication, and therefore, puts too much attention on pretending.
In so doing, your ex’s non-verbal communication goes into overdrive, enhancing his or her perception and coincidentally—attitude and responses to environmental stimuli.
As a result of unwavering anxiety, your ex succumbs to the pressure and begins to pretend to be over you. In other words, an overly-conscious ex starts having trouble remaining calm and in control, so he or she acts out of character.
Very seldom do human beings actually think about what they’re like when they are normal (not anxious). They’re just being themselves. Ant the same goes for people who lie. When they start feeling pressured because of their lies, they give away a very artificial signal. A signal for they’re not over you and that you still affect them emotionally.
So if you have trouble identifying your ex’s true intentions due to lack of communication, look him or her in the eyes.
The adage “eyes speak a thousand words” is not just some random bogus. It proves what your ex feels and thinks.
2)Your ex is trying to prove he or she is over you
The second sign your ex is merely pretending to be over you is when your ex goes the extra mile to prove so.
The more your ex tries to prove a point by defending himself or herself when others tease him or her, for example, the bigger the sign that your ex is not over you yet.
Your ex will, therefore, look for reasons that he or she is over you. If your ex can’t find any, your ex will make them up and do anything to justify his or her actions.
Sometimes dumpers do their best to prove how “unaffected” they are by the breakup. They act so irrationally and upset by the breakup that their friends and family easily spot their erratic, unnatural behavior.
My psychological theory goes like this; the more you focus on what you don’t want, the more you show what you want.
This is especially true when you want something so badly you keep thinking about it so much that you give away obvious signs of nervousness.
People usually become nervous in job interviews, public speaking, breakups, reconciliations, crushes.
3)Non-verbal giveaways
Exes who pretend to be over you will give you obvious non-verbal signs that are hard to be overlooked.
That’s because our bodies from head to toe react to our surroundings. They reflect our thoughts, desires, fears, and even insecurities.
Here are 5 prominent non-verbal signs your ex is pretending to be over you.
There are hundreds of ways to tell your ex is pretending to be over you. If you have the privilege to see your ex in person, the signs above are the most noticeable things to look out for.
It’s important not to mistake your ex’s unease or contempt for a sign that your ex is pretending to be over you, though. If your ex refuses to look you in the eyes, this is a sign of guilt, shame and the desire to run away.
Other acute body language signs are awkward hugs, little or no body contact, standing away from you and showing you the back, avoiding you.
4)Trying to make you jealous
Although this is an out-of-book dumpee technique, dumpers are guilty of trying to make their ex jealous as well.
Sometimes exes go above and beyond to show how much fun they are having with other people and post it all over their social media. In doing so, they deliberately set traps for dumpees to get caught in. But dumpers, unfortunately, seldom fall for it.
They see that their ex is in pain and that he or she is not having as much fun as he or she is pretending to have.
Those dumpers who do fall for it more often than not get annoyed by it. They think their ex is posting too much, too quickly and that their ex should take the time to self-invest instead.
There are many different ways dumpers try to instill jealousy in dumpees’ minds. Most of them are indirect approaches that allow them to keep their dignity.
Dumpers try their best to bring out dumpees’ jealousy by:
- posting pictures with their new partner
- showing off their new friends
- pointing out how unbelievably happy they are
- pretending to be over the dumpee
- belittling their past relationship
- wearing revealing/appealing outfits
5)Stalking profusely
If you can catch your ex stalking you profusely on social media—preferably without his or her awareness, you have one of the best signs your ex is pretending to be over you.
How you’re going to catch your ex stalking you is for you to figure out. But if you do catch your ex, you truly have one of the best signs that your ex is not over you yet.
This implies that as long as your ex keeps an eye on you, he or she cares to some degree. Anger and resentment don’t show that your ex cares about you, but stalking you and watching your every move does.
An ex pretending to be over you is going to, as the word says—pretend to be over you.
Your ex is going to try to hide his or her feelings for you so that you, your ex’s friends, family, and anyone related to your ex doesn’t find out.
Since your ex cares about you, your ex is going to give away subtle signs of pretending to be over you whether he or she likes it or not. Watching who you spend time with, where you’re going in your free time, and how you’re holding on after the breakup are just a few signs that show your ex is pretending to be over you.
But whatever you do, don’t mistake an ex blocking you or ignoring you as one of the signs that your ex is pretending to be over you.
A person that blocks you and ignores you does so out of spite and self-protection and not because of love.
6)Refusing to give you your stuff back
Another feasible sign your ex is just pretending to be over you is when your ex refuses to give you your stuff back. There are only 2 possible reasons why an ex-boyfriend or an ex-girlfriend would do that:
- Due to anger and bitterness.
- Because your ex is pretending to be over you and doesn’t want to move on.
And that’s it. There are no other explanations as to why an ex would withhold your belongings from you.
If you ask your ex for your stuff back and he or she refuses to do so without a reasonable explanation, your ex has ulterior motives.
And since he or she won’t tell reasons why you can consider it as one of the signs your ex is pretending to be over you and is leaving the door open for a possible reconciliation.
7)Holding on to memories
Dumpees often treasure their past memories way more than dumpers. This is because they are engulfed in despair, whereas dumpers are overpowered with relief and anger and need time to themselves.
Nostalgia is a powerful emotion. In fact, dumpees know just how bittersweet it is as they look at old photos, conversations, and anything resembling their dumper. By doing so, they keep their hope for the relationship alive and stop themselves from going insane.
With that said, one of the 11 signs your ex is pretending to be over you is when your ex keeps his or her reminders of you. Gifts, pictures, and things from the past often stir up powerful nostalgic emotions—even for dumpers. They show that your ex still feels connected to you and that he or she may feel bad for hurting you.
You may see that your ex is pretending to be over you when your ex:
- holds on to albums and relationship memories
- refuses to delete shared pictures off social media
- keeps personalized gifts such as love letters and jewelry
8)Talking and asking about you
The more your ex talks about you in a neutral or positive manner, the more he or she subliminally respects you as a person.
Your ex may not be direct about it or in direct contact with you, but an indifferent or angry person wouldn’t ask or talk about you in a nice manner.
Dumpees and dumpers are often like water and oil. They simply don’t mix because they want to stay away from each other.
You need to know that a person who has no interest in you will probably not talk about you or ask your friends and family hundreds of questions about you. Your ex will likely avoid talking about you because doing so will give your ex space that he or she needs.
Of course, asking one question about you doesn’t mean that your ex is pretending to be over you. But asking multiple questions every day could.
As a dumpee, you need to know how to differentiate feelings from mere curiosity. Curiosity is normal and it’s often a reason why dumpers reach out. It’s a breadcrumb that doesn’t last long whereas an ex having feelings for you will need to know what you’re up to because not knowing will give him or her anxiety.
So if your ex is a bit nosy, don’t immediately assume that your ex wants you back. Your ex probably feels a bit jealous. Especially if your ex asks things such as:
- is he dating anyone?
- what is he doing now?
- who are his new friends?
- why is he not talking to me?
9)Constant communication
There are no better signs that your ex is pretending to be over you than when your ex can’t stop talking to you. When a person is interested in you, he or she will give you his or her undivided attention and won’t let you go. And your ex won’t just do this once.
Your ex will do it all the time because not talking to you will create anxiety and fear.
If your ex makes you feel special and shows that he or she cares about you by giving you his/her attention, you can rest assured that your ex still has feelings for you.
Your ex cares about you, otherwise, he or she wouldn’t be in constant contact with you.
10)Your ex gets jealous and envious
If your ex gets envious of your achievements or jealous of your new partner, it’s a sign your ex still possesses feelings for you.
According to Psychology Today, jealousy is a complex emotion that comes to the surface when a person feels threatened.
The person’s threat can be real or imaginary, but it almost always portrays low self-esteem and a desire to connect with an object of desire.
If your ex gets jealous of you, he or she most likely envies what you have and coincidentally, wants it for himself or herself too.
This means that your ex considers you valuable and respects you enough to want your happiness.
11)Hiding his/her new partner from you
This is another one of those ambiguous signs. If your ex hides his or her new relationship from you, it could mean many things. The most possible explanations are:
- your ex feels guilty and doesn’t want to to be deemed as a player
- your ex wants to keep the doors open in case it doesn’t work out
Either way, you should wait for your ex to contact you first and bring up getting back together so your ex can see your worth and come back for the right reasons.
Here’s a video of the 11 signs your ex is pretending to be over you.
This concludes my research. If you can think of any other signs your ex is pretending to be over you, post them in the comments section below.
And if you’d like to talk to us about these signs, sign up for our breakup coaching.
Such ridiculous advice. ‘See if your ex is staring at you’
What sort of nonsense is this?
An ex leaves you. They don’t hang around waiting for you to pick up some visual cues ffs.
Hi Elinoo.
They indeed don’t wait around for you to notice them. But an ex who is curious or has feelings for you will look your way to see what you think and feel. He or she will gauge your happiness and interest and then decide what to do.
Best,
Zan
My ex has given me some of those signs, but I went to NC. And I said to him not to write me again if he didn’t want to talk about the relationship.
And he never did, so yeah! I had the chance to heal thanks properly to Zan’s help as well 🤍
Hi Linda.
You did what most dumpees don’t have the guts to do. And for that, you have my respect. 🙇♂️
Zan
me and my ex broke up about a year ago and now he is throwing all these signs at me and i dont know what they mean. he shows me his new relationship but he cant keep a stable one after me, he always stares at me and then when i notice him staring he turns away or looks for a reason to look away, he kept the truck we picked out together and sold the other truck, he keeps going after my friends but never really wants them he just wants to be able to get near me and i dont know how to feel i just wish i knew what all of this meant, im tired of getting stared at like a barbie doll on the self
my ex left mine a month ago as long as she started a job in other region and wanted to pursue her military career. he did it very abruptly and suddenly when I asked him to rehearse our story from a distance. he was very jealous of me (and also very insecure) and he always thought that I could betray him at any moment because I have always been very courted. when we met after the breakup (I always wrote to him and he always called me back) he came to the appointment dressed and perfumed like a model. he yawned nervously and paced back and forth. one day we met and had sex, he wanted it and so did I. the next week, he sees my status on whatsapp where I’m having dinner with friends and when we see each other the following Saturday (we were in the car and he took me up a hill he knew I loved very much) he pulled out his cellphone and put it right under my eyes to answer a chat. I saw that the chat was with a woman he told me he recently contacted in the new city where he is a military. that you see and is getting to know it. at that point I asked him why and if he missed me that week. he replied no, he didn’t think of me because he was taken from the course and in any case no. then I told him that I would never see him again and he tried to tell me that nothing had happened with this girl but I now told him that we would never see each other again. And I deleted his phone number. I told him he had to give me something back that I had thrown at his house but he refused and told me he would return it to me later. now I have been on no contact for 9 days. first time I haven’t contacted him since we met.
What do you think?
My ex and I broke up 6 years ago, since then I find it hard to move on, he also calls me periodically and hasn’t been in a stable relationship over the years. He calls my siblings more often and not me I miss him so much……days ago we spoke at length and I asked him if he has someone else he contemplated before telling me, after he told me there was someone I felt bad….. Please what should I do
He wants you back…trust me
Act indifferent towards him. Act happy for his new relationship, although I believe he only said that to make you jealous. Be happy and nice when he calls, but don’t always answer. Men LOVE to chase. Let him chase you.
No, men do NOT love to chase. That is what women want to think, and is the story for magazines and Hollywood, but not in real life. Women are used to numerous men chasing after them all the time, and it is boring for them. Real men are NOT going to chase. Don’t get confused or conflate dating situations: Men are to make initial contact, to call and set up dates. However, after a handful of successful dates, men can back off and let women do most of chasing. This is the NATURAL, biological order of things.
Chasing is not a masculine behavior but a feminine behavior. To think that men love to chase is wishful thinking on the part of women, because they think that will give them the upper hand, but it dismisses biology and primal behavior. It is exactly why that when men chase, women lose attraction. It leaves men feeling stupid, and women frustrated and confused.
If a man is chasing a woman, then he is showing to her that he is strongly attracted to her, but at the same time is not behaving in an way that is attractive to women. It has been scientifically proven that women are attracted to men whose feelings are UNCLEAR.
Case in point: In the OP’s posted situation, is the man chasing the OP? Nope! In fact, he is doing the opposite. Equally important, look at the positive attraction he has created by NOT chasing her, and by her ex dating numerous other women. After SIX YEARS apart, she is attracted to him! This is quite common and the behavior is natural.
To the OP:
After 6 years, you had your chance to be with this man. He moved on and so should you. However, if there is a point in time when you are still attracted to him, and you have reason to believe that he is now single, then YOU need to take action let him know (NOT wait for the other way around to happen). YOU have to be prepared for rejection (and have some appreciation for what single and active men have to deal with every day).
However, you might be surprised that if your ex is single, and has interest in you, you could have a really good shot with him. If you know of some event coming up, where both of you might be present, say a mutual friend’s backyard BBQ, party, etc., then you have a great opportunity to put yourself into his orbit, and approach him for conversation. Where an outfit, specific color that you know he likes.
Be very genuine with him. Keep the conversation lighthearted and fun. If he brings up anything of your past relationship together, use that opportunity to remind him of great times you both had together, and look for opportunities for you to speak to and / or show in a subtle way of how you have improved things in your life (especially if it was something that might have been a previous breakup factor). If things are going well, then do things like making strong eye contract, brushing hair over your ears with your fingers, lightly stroking his arm, etc., all as you are talking to him. Keep the conversation lighthearted and fun. You probably know his style of humor, so find ways to make him laugh. Then pull back a bit, but do NOT go cold. Then wait and gauge his reaction. You may need to repeat some of these things in additional cycles during your interaction with him. Be playful, but be genuine. I believe you will have a good chance. GOOD LUCK!
I think your generalizing. I agree some men do not chase others,do . Eemotions are complex. It either works out or not. The main thing is to look after yourself. \breakups stink !
So basically I started catching feelings for a person in my friend group. I fall in love with her after a long time and eventually I had to do something about it. So I asked her out, since she was also showing interest. When I expressed to her my feelings she started shaking and showed me the same. She wasn’t really expressing her love through words but through her body. Through gestures, she looked more passionate than me even though I was probably the one feeling the relationship more. Always was so romantic, the way she was looking at me talking to me, kissing me. Everything was great. Due to holidays we were distant for a period of time, less than a month. We were talking casually, almost everyday. However when he finally met she showed contempt, she was kinda sick at that point and time so I didn’t take it into consideration. After a weak we met again but in a friend group, she wasn’t giving my match attention. Eventually a weak after she broke up with me. Indeed I was surprised and expressed that anxiety by pleading. However from the next day I went distant, even more distant than her. I realised that since that was her choice I had to respect it and it was time to work on that. After the break up she was communicating with me almost everyday for a weak which gave me some weird hopes but by the end of it, she stopped. At school she wasn’t giving me any attention. I was confused by her reactions that I tried to find some sort of translation on the google. I found a guide that basically said that if you want to get back with your ex you have to get over them, change, work on yourself emotionally etc. And that is what I did. The first two months she showed no signs of interest. I had accepted the whole break up. I started working on my emotional stability. Almost after 3.5 months she started acting very strangely. Even a close friend of mine realised that she was secretely looking at me. We had some school projects together and she was always acting very shy, showing nervousness, highering her pitch and lowering the volume of the voice. So I decided to start working on coming close in order to see if there was another chance. Whenever I made jokes in class she would never react to them. In personal she wouldn’t laught either but once she blurted. Overall she was gazing and averting her eyes at me very casualy through out the day. When we met in the school party she hugged me very tightly but after that she avoided me through her body language, looking away showing me her back. She was overal looking weird, kinda depressed some times. However she never reached out, neither in social media nor in private, even though she had the chance to start a convo. I was really confused so I talked to a person that was really close to both of us. They told me that she was okay, that she was never talking or referring to me or showing any emotion. I accepted it and continued. Next school season started about 3 months ago, we started hunging around since we had same friends and she aas very chill and casual with me. I felt very nice about it because there wasn’t anything awkward between us. However after two months she started acting weird again. She does all of the things mentioned in this blog especially the non-verbal ones (I feel like she is ghosting me irl) except of talking to me or about me and I dont know about her holding memories, hiding thinfs etc. I dont know if her awkward actions are a sing of contempt and unease or she is trying to to hide interest and feelings.
I agree paul ..men dont like or want to chase i know very few that will ..we always for most part have to make first move etc…my ex broke up with myself 7 months ago for many reasons to do with herself and self worth and personal issues that had nothing to do with me i will fully agree too..taking alot of work and self healing to understand it all. I did everything possible for her and her kids. That being said i havent once shown any chase at all. Went into NC AND everytime it was her that keeps reaching out non stop since. I will
Continue to do NC and we talked again briefly but once again was always her. We hadnt seen each other in 3 months and i saw personally first hand the smitten again this past week!! I said the balls in your court u ever wanna hang out visit or let me see the kids Ill leave it to her . I will never ever ever chase she left she can do and show me the work to come back and show me if im that important in her life !! If not time has definitely helped heal the excruciating pain over the months ive healed from..And get my confidence back!! When someone leaves u as hard as it is. He or she. U have to let them go. If they come back you have to let them do the work to prove themselves by then who knows how one will feel and itd be your person choice !!! If u dont it will stay unbalanced and will not work out. Im no professional but i ve done alot of personal work over the last 7 months and realized my self worth respect and what I deserve. I will never ever ever ever be an option or be unappreciated by anyone ever ever ever again!!!! All the best to all out there and zan keep up the great work as your work has 100 percent helped myself 🙂 cheers
That’s the problem. We not doing that shit anymore.
Hello. I wouldn’t usually comment but the advice by Diana Burns is so completely 100% wrong. Men don’t love to chase and they don’t like women who pretend to feel what they don’t and the other way round. There are rude words men use about it that reflect a certain amount of contempt for it. If you have feelings for a man and especially if he’s someone special and you’ve been in a relationship with him – just tell him or at least let it show. Don’t act indifferent: for one thing if other men are like me we’re too dim to see through it and will give up but more importantly it’s about emotional connection not saving face. Don’t miss out on it just for fear of being vulnerable and it’s better to look hard.
Hello! Okay so me and my ex broke up 3 months ago, we haven’t talked for one month but then it was his birthday so i congratulated him, then we started talking again, we are friends now 2 months after break up, but i still love him and i don’t know if he feels the same, he told me he lost feelings but it don’t look like that. He acts weirdly, and we always talk about our relationship that didn’t work out, and always keep reminding things we did when we were in relationship, and he keeps saying that he don’t like anyone after we broke up, he opens up to me and tells me im the only person he opened up about everything and that he cares about me, when im sad he is always here to listen and help. And sometimes he says something flirty ant then be like ‘im joking’. Like i told him that everyone is bad for him and he can’t choose person to love, and he said ‘you are good to me’ and after that he said ‘joking’. Or he started sending me goodnight texts like ‘ goodnight muah<3’, does that mean something too? He replies fast ant we talk till 3am. When we talked about zodiac sighs i joked around and said that we are not compatible at all, he kept saying that its not that bad and our zodiac sighs are compatible. I don’t even know we are planing to meet soon and he said that he want to hug me as same as he wanted when we were in relationship. And we talked about how tight we will hug each other till we can’t breathe. And when we started talking after break up again, we apologized to each other and explained what we did bad in relationship that hurt us, and he said that he missed me alot, and he said that he is really sorry and don’t want me to feel pain. I just don’t know, does that all mean something? Even when we started talking after break up again he said he lost feelings