Signs He Regrets Hurting You

Although your ex probably won’t tell you that he regrets breaking up with you shortly after the breakup, he might give away something nearly as good.

Your ex might give you signs he regrets hurting you and treating you badly after the separation.

And that’s something you might not want to miss as a broken-hearted, validation-starved dumpee.

Provided your ex is a good human being who cares about his actions, your ex might eventually feel guilty for hurting you.

This may not happen when you want it to immediately after the breakup because your ex needs some time to process the breakup first.

But if your ex eventually does, chances are you will sense your ex’s regretful post-breakup behavior a mile away.

Your ex probably won’t directly express guilt and regret. That would be too easy and would prove that he was wrong.

It would also be a big blow to your ex’s ego and could hurt his pride.

That’s why your ex will instead give you subtle signs that he regrets hurting you.

That’s when you’ll get to decide whether you care about his apologies or if you’re just too detached from your ex to bother detecting the signs.

So if you’re curious about how you can tell if your ex regrets causing you pain and putting you through hell, this is the article for you.

Just note that it’s written from a female perspective and that it applies to both genders.

Signs your ex regrets hurting you

1)Asking how you are all the time

One of the best signs your ex regrets hurting you is when your ex keeps asking you and your friends about your emotional well-being.

When your ex keeps digging and asking whether you’ve recovered from the pain of the breakup—you can be certain your ex feels guilty.

He can be guilty for:

  • the way he broke up with you
  • his post-breakup behavior
  • breaking up with you and causing you pain

Continuous questioning about your health is a sign that your ex cares about you as well as himself.

The reason why it shows that he cares about himself is that your emotional well-being shows how badly his selfish actions have affected you.

It’s necessary for you to understand that a person with self-respect doesn’t like hurting others. It just doesn’t feel good to be deemed as a bad person because it ruins one’s good karma.

And the same goes for your ex.

The more hurt you appear, the more difficult it becomes for your ex to converse with you and bear the pressure of his intentional and unintentional actions.

Contrarily, the less hurt you seem to be, the more weight you take off his shoulders, and the easier it is for your ex to talk to you.

In simpler terms, if your ex sees you’re doing okay after the breakup, he can feel better about himself and his post-breakup actions. He can talk to you in a normal manner and enjoy the conversation too.

So if you’re trying to eventually get back together with your ex, don’t make your ex feel guilty for dumping you.

Drowning in pity will probably make your ex hate talking to you and force him to avoid you like the plague.

2)Texting long apologetic texts

The second sign your ex regrets hurting you after the breakup is when your ex texts you long apologetic texts which really sound like poems.

These texts essentially contain endless apologies for his pre-breakup and post-breakup behavior and demand karmic validation in return.

They look like this.

Regretful ex-boyfriend

When your ex confesses to you where he went wrong and turns inwardly, he basically expects care and sympathy from you.

Your ex demands things that only you and nobody else in this world can give him.

Forgiveness, respect, and validation to name a few.

So don’t make your ex even more guilty by saying how much he’s hurt you.

Tell him you’re doing okay instead, and that you’re enjoying life again.

3)Avoids the breakup topic whenever you bring it up

If your ex knows how much he’s hurt you, he will do everything in his power to avoid talking about it.

He will be so afraid of hearing the truth from you that he’ll steer clear of the breakup topic and avoid making himself feel bad for hurting you.

A regretful ex knows that talking about your health could bring you back in the past, reopen your wound, and coincidentally, hurt your ex as well.

And that’s something your guilty ex-partner has had enough of.

He’d rather just change the topic whenever things start looking sour and talk about something other than the breakup.

And you should too.

4)Saying it’s not you, it’s him

This is one of the classic breakup excuses dumpers often say in order to take the blame for the breakup.

By saying, “It’s not you, it’s me,” dumpers single-handedly try to stop their dumpee from getting too emotional.

And there’s a reason why they do it, so pay close attention.

When your ex says it’s not you, it’s him, you’ve got one of the best signs he regrets hurting you.

This line is essentially a psychological technique that can alleviate guilt by making the dumpee react better than he or she otherwise would.

It’s really just a sly strategy for the dumpers to get away with causing pain by saying that they are the crazy ones for breaking up with the dumpees and that they should be the ones who got punished—and not their ex.

It’s not you, it’s me translates into, “Please don’t blame yourself because you will make me feel guilty and I’ll blame myself more than I already do.

Here’s what this line really means.

It's not you it's me

5)Hiding his new partner from you

This is an ambiguous sign that can mean a lot of things for your ex.

But all in all, it can also be one of the greatest signs he regrets hurting you.

When your ex hides his new girlfriend from you, your ex could do so out of your protection. He might be afraid of hurting you and perhaps even being perceived as a cheater.

This is especially true if your ex monkey-branched straight into a new relationship as soon as he ended his relationship with you.

So pay close attention to the way your ex talks to you.

Does he avoid bringing up his girlfriend and mentioning the things they do together?

If he does, you’ve got a sign he feels guilty for hurting you.

6)A change of behavior

When your ex suddenly becomes incredibly restrained, your ex might be at a loss of words for a reason.

He could regret hurting you so much, he’d rather not say or do anything that hurts you further.

If that’s the case, your ex will instead just stay silent in order to stop himself from saying the wrong things.

Similarly to how nervous people behave, guilty dumpers overthink too and end up not saying anything.

Subtle signs he regrets hurting you

If you notice your ex feels uneasy around you and doesn’t appear to be his regular self, your ex probably regrets hurting you.

Either that or your ex just feels embarrassed and forgot how to act around you.

7)Breadcrumbs

One of the less obvious signs your ex regrets hurting you is when your ex sends you breadcrumbs.

Breadcrumbs are the sneaky version of your ex checking up on you during no contact because you likely won’t know that your ex is only after reassurance.

You must understand that your ex might regret hurting you even if he doesn’t reach out and say it to you directly.

We all have things we regret saying and doing in our lives, but that doesn’t mean that we’re always going to actively seek forgiveness.

Especially not in a direct way that would damage our pride.

A lot of people would rather just accept their mistakes internally and work on making better choices in the future.

Your ex could be one of those people.

So don’t seek a direct apology from your ex if he doesn’t willingly offer it.

8)Something bad happened to your ex

Dumpers often feel guilty for hurting their dumpee when something bad happens to them.

This can be anything from a failed rebound relationship to karma striking them hard.

So remember that your ex can become one of those guilty dumpers too when his life doesn’t go as planned.

No matter what kind of injustice your ex experiences, he will probably apologize to you for everything he’s ever done wrong and seek redemption.

He will intend to purge his soul from all his misdeeds and attempt to better his choices in the future.

That’s because pain is one of the better—if not the best way for the dumper to realize that he wasn’t perfect, and as a result, improve as a person.

It’s truly unfortunate that something bad has to happen before your ex has an epiphany, but that’s just the way dumpers are.

They don’t learn their lesson unless they are put in some miserable situation that forces them to do some introspect.

So if you know your ex is going through something emotionally painful, chances are he will apologize to you for hurting you because he’s hurting himself.

9)Your ex is texting and calling you for no apparent reason

Another sign he regrets hurting you after the breakup is when your ex talks to you on his own accord for “no reason.”

When your ex initiates contact, sends you memes, pictures, quotes, and random things that you couldn’t care less about, your ex is giving you signs that he feels guilty for hurting you.

He’s probably trying to get you to open up so that he sees you don’t hate him—which would give him the kind of validation a person with decent moral values should have.

You probably know that an ex who doesn’t respect you as an equal won’t talk to you “as a friend” and look for you to validate his behavior.

Your ex will instead stay quiet and live his life to the fullest without you in it. He will likely appear happy on his own or with someone else and mind his own business.

So if you have a feeling that your ex is trying to talk to you even though your relationship has ended, it’s possible that your ex has unfinished business with you.

He could feel guilty for hurting you and regret treating you badly after the breakup.

10)He says he regrets hurting you

It doesn’t get more obvious than when your ex tells you that he regrets hurting you. It’s the best sign you can get from an apologetic ex as it proves that your ex regrets acting the way he did.

If your ex gives you obvious signs of regret, your ex directly seeks mercy from you.

He doesn’t just want to apologize to you to make you feel more valuable.

He actually needs to say he’s sorry so that he can move on with his life without any bad conscience on his hands.

So if your ex seeks forgiveness from you, know that you’re the one that gets to decide whether you want to forgive your ex for hurting you or to leave him alone to his demons. ?

The choice is yours.

But if you choose to forgive him, you will have an easier time forgiving yourself and moving on as well.

Did your ex give you any of the 10 signs he regrets hurting you? Comment below.

18 thoughts on “Signs He Regrets Hurting You”

  1. My boyfriend, of 2 years, dumped me. I found out that he immediately went running to another person, and realized he left me for a classmate in School. But that was a few months ago, recently, he’s been assisting me with some things. He’s always asking if I need help, and that he could carry whatever stuff I’m holding to my destination. I also notice he’s everywhere I go. Even in the library, and he doesn’t even study at School. We bump into each other, and things get awkward and that’s when he asks if I need help with studies or anything. What does that mean? Please help me, I need help with this situation.

    Reply
    • Hi Kayla.

      It means that your ex wants to be your friend. If it hurts seeing him and being his friend, you shouldn’t allow him to get back in your life at this stage. Wait until you’re fully healed.

      Stay strong,
      Zan

      Reply
  2. Hi
    My boyfriend broke up with me yesterday and in maths I sit next to him and he kept asking me if I was alright. What does that mean? What should I do on Monday when I next see him should I try talking to him or not?
    He could tell there was something was going on but I was scared to tell him. Should I tell him or not?
    He was also my first boyfriend in 3 years. I feel like I did something wrong but I don’t know what. I really need some advice or your help please

    Reply
    • Hi Lilly.

      How did things go this Monday?

      I suggest that you wait for your ex to engage with you if he wants to. He broke up with you, which means that he has to be the one who talks about the relationship and asks to get back together. If he talks to you about random things, ask him not to talk to you anymore. Say you need time to process the breakup.

      Kind regards,
      Zan

      Reply
  3. It took over two years but the ghost actually contacted me. He apologized. And it was sincere. Little by little I got to see bits of growth. And guess what? I ghosted the ghost. And I feel very good about it. I never would have believed that I could say that. I guess there is a time and place for everything

    Reply
  4. Hey Zan,

    I broke up with my ex after trying to make the relationship work for about two months post him giving me an ultimatum that unless I shift out of my parent’s house, he doesn’t see us continuing the relationship. I tried to convince him for 2 months because I loved him dearly. He went from angry to plain ruthless and cold. I was facing a lot of family health issues and job pressures during this time. After giving 2 years to this man, I couldn’t believe he could be so insensitive.

    Except one mutual friend, I told none of his friends of my hurt and remained cordial with all of them. This particular mutual friend, helped me understand his weaknesses, narcissism, also supporting my decision to move on. I acknowledge that I should probably not have discussed my pain with her because it changed her perspectives about my ex as did it mine.

    Now 4 months after our breakup (I had blocked him everywhere except whatsapp), he messaged me that he talked with our mutual friend and he was deeply hurt and upset about how I view him and our 2 years. He told me that he suffered during our breakup. He said he loved and cared about me deeply and that he only wanted me to become my own person when he asked me to move out of my parents house. I did not reply to this. I don’t understand what this means. It seems like he is being emotional but it also feels like he is trying to still justify himself.

    I don’t know what to do. Is he hurt? Does he regret the breakup? Should I reply?

    Would really appreciate a response! 🙂

    Reply
  5. Hi Zan,
    My wife left me 8 months ago (we have been married for 9 years) and I definitely see some signs indicating that she feels very guilty about it (she even said it to me). Do you think that guilt can be seen as a positive sign in terms of hopes for future reconciliation ?
    Thanks,

    Reply
    • Hi Luke.

      Sometimes guilt can be good. But too much of it can cause unease and the need to run away from you.

      When your ex feels guilty, it means she cares. And this can be a good thing because she can develop feelings for you again.

      Kind regards,
      Zan

      Reply
      • Hi Zan,

        Thank you for your feedback.
        I know that you are not in favor of reconciling with an ex but what would you recommand in order to maximise my chances to get back with her ?
        I don’t think she feels the need to run away from me because she sends me some breadcrumbs from time to time (sending me texts asking how I am doing and so on). Probably because of guilt.
        Three months after the break-up, she even asked if we could have a drink together. I said yes because I was happy to see her, but I realized afterwards that might not be the best thing to do because I feel even more depressed once she leaves.
        Should I ask her to leave me alone if she keeps sending me more breadcrumbs ? Wouldn’t that make it more difficult for her to come back to me in the future if I tell her that we should stop contacting each other ?

        Thank you.

        Reply
        • Hi Luke

          If your ex doesn’t value you as her partner, it’s best you tell her to stop contacting you.

          Your health is more important than a breadcrumbing ex who is unsure of her feelings.

          You know you deserve better than uncertainty and false hope from her.

          That’s why I advise you to pull back until she thinks about you and invests more.

          Best regards,
          Zan

          Reply
          • Thanks for your reply Zan.
            What would be the right words to say to her if she suggests to meet for a cup of coffee for example ?
            Thanks.

            Reply
            • Hi Luke.

              Make sure you set up the meetup on your terms.

              Tell her you’re free on (Saturday and Sunday after 3pm) for example and ask her if she’s okay with it.

              After that, you can only hope that she won’t cancel.

              Best regards,
              Zan

              Reply
  6. Ma’am, i appreciate this article but it is far away from the truth.. if a person plans to dump you and if for a new relationship or just he does not want to continue with you, why would he hurt?? h has done it consciously.. please don’t give false hopes.. thy remain quiet and distant.. they just don’t get back to you ever.. they drop all contacts with you and block you from everywhere and do not need any info from anyone abt you.. c’mon be practical… please try to answer at least once.. whatever i ask..

    Reply
    • Hi Piyali.

      I’m a guy.

      Please read the article again.

      I put a lot of work into each and every single piece so I can assure you that it doesn’t get more genuine than it is.

      Everything in this article is nothing but the truth. It doesn’t instill any false hope as you say and it’s completely practical. So I don’t know how you came to that conclusion. It does not even say that he would hurt just because he dumped you. We’re talking about guilt here.

      As a reader of the blog, you would know that we never said anything like that.

      I understand you’re angry and that you don’t value my advice—which is completely fine, but please don’t deceive others.

      Thank you,
      Zan

      Reply
    • My ex continued to live with me past the breakup and she said she felt awful the first week after she broke up with me and was racked with guilt. If they have a heart they are going to be bothered by the fact they broke your heart.
      I know from all my studying that guilt isn’t great to rebuild attraction so once I pulled myself together I tried to be as stable as possible and not provoke any more guilt and sympathy.

      Reply
        • Hi Trevor.

          It’s not unusual for an ex to indulge in self-pity.

          She probably felt overwhelmed with guilt and hated hurting you.

          On the positive note, at least she cared about your well-being.

          Best,
          Zan

          Reply

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