So, so many dumpees wonder “Why is my ex avoiding me like the plague? Did I do something wrong? Why is my ex acting like a stranger to me when we’ve been together for x number of years?”
If you’re asking yourself these questions because your ex is avoiding you at all cost, I have the truth for you—and it’s not pretty.
I hope the information provided in this article brings you clarity and doesn’t end up hurting you badly. If it does, I apologize, as it’s not my intention.
My ex avoids me when he sees me
Even if you’ve been nothing but friendly, respectful and gave plenty of space, oftentimes, exes will still avoid you like the plague.
Avoiding you could happen when exes notice you in public and they walk right past you, acting as if you don’t exist.
When your ex sees you, he or she could avoid you by:
- looking at the floor
- pretending to talk to someone
- quickly walking the other away
- showing you his or her back
- refusing to acknowledge your comments
- avoiding eye contact
- having others talk to you in his or her stead
- making plans without you in a group of people
Please note that dumpers aren’t evil, nor are they awful human beings. Our exes avoid us for reasons which aren’t even related to us. We simply assume that exes are avoiding us like the plague because of something we did to them.
I can tell you that’s not the case. Your ex doesn’t avoid you because he or she hates you or wants to punish you for your mistakes. It’s nothing of that sort. That would be very vengeful and morally wrong on so many levels.
Dumpers do, however, have the victim mentality and blame the dumpees for the end of the relationship. But more often than not, they don’t become the bringers of karmic justice themselves.
Instead, they behave how they feel—even if it appears impulsive or mean to others.
My ex is avoiding me like the plague
When your ex avoids you at all cost, your ex does so because he or she is scared of interacting with you.
Now you’re probably asking yourself, “Scared of what? My ex avoids me when he/she sees me and doesn’t show any signs of fear, anxiety, depression or anything like that. My ex is just happy and I’m miserable!“
The answer is in the last statement – “happy and I’m miserable.” When dumpers are happy, they are guilt-ridden and unbelievably happy with their breakup decisions. So when they encounter their dumpees, they freeze—not knowing how to act and react to the situation.
Their first thoughts are, “Is my ex as miserable as a while back? How will my ex react if I speak to him/her? I don’t know what to say. I feel uncomfortable so I’ll just pretend I didn’t see my ex today and avoid him/her at all cost.“
When dumpers finally walk past the dumpees, they stop holding their breath and their heart rate lowers. Dumpers are then so glad their predicament has ended, they feel amazing just to be able to breathe again.
Dumpers are not depressed, they are happy. They aren’t hopeful they will encounter their exes either. It’s quite the opposite. They hope they won’t see their exes when they are out in the public so you can imagine how it makes them feel when they finally do.
Since dumpers don’t want to speak to dumpees, they instead avoid them and save the embarrassment.
These are the breakup effects for dumpers and dumpees have no control over them.
Why is my ex avoiding me?
Now that we know what goes through his or her mind when your ex avoids you like the plague, let’s now examine why your ex is avoiding you with utmost haste.
It’s actually pretty simple. Your ex avoids you because he or she is disinterested in conversing with you. In other words, talking to you would make your ex feel “awkward,” hence why avoiding you seems like the wisest idea.
Hypothetically, put yourself in the shoes of a dumper and imagine that you’re breaking up with your partner. Set your wounded, emotional state aside and believe that you really can’t stand your partner. In your mind, he or she is the absolute worst. The connection sucks, sex is bland, you have nothing in common, families don’t get along, you barely spend any time together and you don’t feel anything toward him or her.
Since you have been meaning to break up for weeks, you finally manage to do it and you feel as if a weight has been lifted off your shoulders and got replaced with feather-light relief. Now that you have nothing holding you back, you feel as if you’re levitating toward a new beginning.
This is how your ex feels post-breakup. Your ex believes that he or she can find someone that will make him or her happier.
Since your ex is 100% convinced that the breakup is a good idea, your ex doesn’t want you near him or her and avoids you like the plague.
Does our history mean nothing to my ex?
Just how you’re not concerned with the troubles that bothered you 3 years ago, your ex isn’t worried about how you made him or her feel in the past. It’s the present that matters to your ex – the here and now.
The reasons for the breakup haven’t conceived years ago when the relationship was as smooth as butter. They developed months or weeks before the actual breakup and, coincidentally, put a huge strain on your ex’s mind.
The pre-breakup struggle which consists of unresolved pre-breakup emotions weighed your ex down for as long as your ex could stand them. And when your ex lost the internal struggle, powerful emotions took over your ex’s body and mind and the breakup occurred.
Although your ex may appreciate how he or she felt at the beginning of the relationship, your ex wasn’t happy toward the end. It may or may not have been your fault, but your ex definitely felt trapped enough to break free of his or her confinement to get some air.
This air—which is space and freedom, your ex craved so badly that it felt satisfying and liberating.
It’s like wanting to go to the amusement park so badly for so long and then you finally get to go. Once you get there, positive emotions come rushing into your system, replacing the negative ones.
A weak mindset
You see, the post-breakup happiness your ex feels is not related to you and how you made your ex feel, but rather the mentality your ex had developed in the relationship with you.
One thought turned into another and another and another until your ex felt the need to run and avoid you.
You can’t really blame yourself for the way your ex feels toward you. It’s an obstacle your ex had conceived on his or her own. That’s why it’s not your responsibility to solve your ex’s thought patterns.
Try to imagine for a minute how you would have felt if you were stuck in some horrible relationship for a month—not knowing whether to move forward or backward. You’d likely have developed appalling emotions toward that person as well.
Now, your relationship likely wasn’t that bad, but the thoughts your ex had thought about were. Everything begins with thoughts as there are no emotions without thoughts,
Breakups are not a knee-jerk reaction and they happen for a reason—due to thoughts.
So if your ex wants to avoid you because of his or her weak mindset, then perhaps it’s for the best. Think of your ex’s mental strength as a weak one and let him or her crawl past you if that’s how your ex deals with difficult situations.
It’s not that bad when your ex avoids you!
When your ex avoids you at all cost, he or she saves you from something much, much worse. If your ex didn’ avoid you when he or she saw you, your ex would likely have ignored you instead.
We all know how much being ignored hurts as it truly diminishes our ego and makes us feel undeserving. Breakups are a great example as they replicate a similar feeling of unworthiness.
Being ignored is basically another deliberate rejection which dumpees shouldn’t encounter again in such a short time. That’s why you should consider being avoided by your ex a blessing compared to being ignored and rejected again.
I know it feels awful when your ex pretends like you never existed, but trust me when I say that it doesn’t feel nearly as awful as being completely ignored.
Getting ignored would likely have set you back to the day of the breakup, when being avoided by your ex, quite literally— helps you avoid the problem.
How do I make my ex stop avoiding me?
If your ex avoids you when he or she sees you, then I suggest you take the passive approach. Let your ex avoid you like you’ve got some transmissible disease while you pull your attention on yourself.
Stay away from your ex at all cost or your ex is likely going to ignore you—which is going to hurt like hell. Indefinite no contact is your solution to most of your post-breakup problems.
Instead of embracing the pain, make your ex stop avoiding you on his or her own terms. This implies you must let your ex be for now while you focus fully on your own happiness.
If you don’t let your ex be and instead try to force your ex to talk to you, you will never get anywhere. You will only make your ex feel less toward you and delay the time it would otherwise take for him or her to stop avoiding you.
If you see your ex in public
So what do you do when you see your ex which dumped you and is ignoring you or avoiding you like the devil?
You do only two things:
- Smile
- Walk past him or her
And that’s it. If you’re certain your ex doesn’t wish to engage in a conversation or can’t stand your face at the moment, whatever you do, don’t react negatively. Smile instead!
Smile, smile, smile!
It may not be easy to smile when you still want your ex back or at least have him or her acknowledge you as a human being, but it’s necessary.
Smiling shows you’re okay and happy and happiness is contagious.
Share your smile with the world. It’s a symbol of friendship and peace.
Christie Brinkley
Smiling shows him or her you’re friendly, relaxed and easy to get along with. It will also tell your ex that you lowered your expectations of him or her post-breakup and that you care about yourself.
React positively
Reacting positively and giving your ex little to no attention is what your ex wants anyway so give it to him or her. Nothing will make the ex that ignores you, avoids you or even hates you happier than not having to deal with you at all.
When you give your ex nothing but a smile, your ex could slowly begin to come to the bright side. Seeing you happy, respectful, and self-centered, could pique your ex’s interest and lower his/her guard.
Your ex could think, “Why the sudden change? I’m the happy one as I did the dumping. Why is my ex smiling from ear to ear?“
Just how negative thought patterns got you into this mess, positive ones can get you out. But for that to happen, your ex needs a lot of time.
If you want your ex back and he or she is avoiding you, my suggestion is not to demand. Instead, allow your ex to do as he or she pleases until your ex decides to come back. And once your ex is back, take the power of no contact back into your hands and make your ex work hard to keep you.
Is your ex avoiding you like the plague or perhaps even ignoring you? Share your story below.
My ex told me she needed space at the end of our situation and I haven’t heard from her since It’s been a month since that happens. I’ve been bummed out of course , however yesterday we crossed paths at work and once she saw me she instantly walk the other way. It hurt to see that happened because we once went up to each other and kiss, hug, etc.
But, since reading this article it has help to deal with the situation that happened and if she wants to talk she can reach out to me because I am giving her the respect to leave her alone.
Hi Dav.
Many dumpers don’t want to talk to their exes, so they avoid them. Your ex did too. She didn’t know how to handle the situation, so she chose to run away from it.
It’s best you leave her alone and let her come to you.
Hang in there!
Zan
Hi …i and my ex were in relationship for past 5 yrs and everything was smooth .. v did have many restrictions but love towards each other were so good ..he feels dat im.very loyal and genuine and will not suit him now …he wants a one who is jovial and without restrictions and broke up with me 2 months ago and blocked me everywhere .. suddenly few weeks ago he asked few mutual frnds about me and told them.he wanted to see me but he did tell them dat nothing is going to change .. i just want to see her ..he unblocked me everywhere .. then again we spoke as a friend.
.he keeps status just me to see …nd everything was finely going…but i coudnlt see him as a friend so.i.opened up to him not to talk better to get separated as i still love him .. he was like no nothing ll workout .. and strted talking about relationship problems again and now he again blocked me after a big quarrel .. while we were talking in the middle as a frnd he have mentioned me dat he missed me a lot etc he too have feelings blah blah .. but i dont know why dont he come back throwing all his egos aside .. whats stopping him frm me ..i have no.idea
I’m sorry, but dumpers don’t GET to have pain. They are the ones who ripped the rug out from under you. They aren’t allowed to feel. They don’t get to feel bad over anything. And they shouldn’t feel good either. They should feel GUILT. But they don’t get to be sad.
what should I do if I love my ex for 9 months and he has gf but right now he’s specifically avoiding me after our break up till now. I want him back but i’m still not giving up!
The other way round in my case. I am a dumpee, and I am avoiding her at all costs(despite two kids together) and will do so for the rest of my life(well, hope so). You don’t want me after all these years and all those “forever together” vows of yours(?), well, you’ve been heard here, you won’t ever see me again!
This is me.. Haha!! 🍻
The other way round in my case. I am a dumpee, and I am avoiding her at all costs and will do so for the rest of my life(well, hope so). You don’t want me after all these years and all those “forever together” vows of yours(?), well, you’ve been heard here, you won’t ever see me again!
Hi I just read this 😊 my ex hides his face when he sees me yes, and he did the cheating,manipulated and lied to me .. I had to see a therapist coz I was loosing weight and diagnosed of clinical depression…. I was 44kg from 60kg .. no confidence and unrecognizable… he cheated with an older woman who gave him her car n sent his mama some money …. am now 7months out of the relationship,doing healthy but yes I feel unloved and unlucky with relationships am sad he did that to me..and yes I lost hope but I agreed to let him go
When I see him I smile n wave his direction especially when he’s with friends I know so they will smile back n say hi… and he will keep his head low n face the ground … I don’t want him back but I just need assurance am doing a good thing because I don’t know how to hold on a grudge I easily want peace I just wish I could tell him it’s okay I forgive him he doesn’t have to continue treating me bad like when I was in a relationship with him .. I will never want him coz he humiliated me n now I am financially stable I even built my mom a house .. n I continued my studies got my drivers licenses which he doesn’t even have not even college qualification n he wanted me to work without qualifications.. so I know he lost a good woman to a short cut .. I hope he be happy with the lady she’s a divorced n wants to be loved like any woman but what she did to me wasn’t cool…I hope they find peace🙏🙏
I Love this website
Hey ….. my ex and I was in relationship for two years and we broke up. He asked for it. I said no. It was my mistake and his. But he says its mine. He keeps telling about the past problems and he keeps finding fault on me. I badly want to get back in tra k with my ex. I dont know how. We have been broke up 3 minths now. I did all I can to get him back. I begged him tell him soo many sorrys. He avoided me he blocked me everywhere. And acts like nothing happen. He just ignore when he hears my name.
I miss him so much. I badly want to start up fresh with him. I do want back my ex back. He just said he lost feelings.
Can I get help ?
So sorry to hear about your pain. I broke up with my partner after 23 years. It was partly my doing but I felt it was the only thing to do. I think of her every day and wish things we’re back to where they were and better times, but I believe she has moved on and found someone or something that makes her happier than where she was. After all the sacrifices I have made, she no longer acknowledges me or even response to a text even though we have children. It’s for me but I can’t force anything on someone who doesn’t want me anymore. Every night and everyday I wish I had her back, but that seems non-existent at this point. The pain is unbearable and I wish there was something we could have done in all the years together but I feel the end has come and she no longer is interested in me after all the horrible things including taking advantage of true love has gotten me. I hope the pain will subside as I wish for you, but try to write down your feelings and see if what has happened with your relationship was meant to be or still has a tiny glimmer of hope which can be revived if you’re so lucky. Good luck and no matter what happens do take care of yourself as hard as it may seem.
Hi. I was with a guy for about 5 months but never officially together. I eventually broke up with him by ending all communications. We are neighbors so we see each other regularly. He would always smile and try to speak to me but I would just ignore. Recently he smiled again and said hi. I then added his number on Whatsapp and saw he unblocked me. I reached out by simply saying hi, he ignored me and later said I need to move on. I am not sure what to do when I see him, do I smile like you say or simply ignore him again. Because I felt I embarrassed myself by reaching out
Hi Rene.
If you don’t know what to do, always ask yourself what someone you admire would do. If he or she would show respect, then be polite and smile. Say hi and keep walking.
Kind regards,
Zan
Good website. This is worse than worse as she is not my girlfriend and we were never together but for a few months at work that I knew her we got along well and we were more or less dating or at the very least thought we would be good friends at work for a long time. So the day she transfered out of the building I asked her out as a friend assuming she had a boyfriend and it turned out she had a serious bf.. Now it gets to be a really long story that was a misunderstanding and she now avoids me like the plague. As co worker friends only I never got a chance to explain the mixup and as I said earlier we were basically dating at work ( great chemistry) and I really like her as a friend and I never saw this coming at all where as If i did go out with her I would of had my chance and found out her status and continue to talk to her from time to time. Words do not describe how hard it is to be so happy when I seen her at work when all was well to have seen her avoid and ignore me at present time. Time has made things better as has focusing on self improvement but the world doesnt seem right unless we are talking but things are better now than earlier last year for sure, still lots of times that I start to feel good and am having a good time – there is a voice in my head that she is telling me that she knows I am happy at this moment but she knows I am most happy when I am talking and joking with her. I have not emailed her for many months and for the record I have not even seen her for 6 months or so but today I am not sure but ( why i went to this website) I think I seen her walk by in the distance and she may have been carefully using her hair to hide herself. But at least I may have seen her today and thats better than nothing as has been the case the last 6 months.
Hey there is something I need to know. So lets say I broke the no contact rule several times. Would it still be able to work theoretically?
My ex left me for a previous woman he had been with. He left me twice to be with her and sometimes when he sees me he says hello and seems to want to talk so I indulge him then other times he can’t look at me he will look at the floor. I recently found out that he blocked me off social media and I’m not sure why because we have been separated for a few months and I do not follow him, he did not follow me, I did not comment on any picture or anything so I wonder why he blocked me. We had no social media interaction what so ever. I think blocking me 3 months after the fact it’s very weird. She knew about me so i believe she demanded her blocked me as he is not a big social media guy. On some days he will stare at me other days he will just look at the floor he has a very hot and cold behavior he has guilt for what he did to me he knows was wrong. Still very odd behavior as he mentioned it’s hard to see me interact with other guys, or to even see me.
It’s been two months out of a 3 year relationship. I’m getting better gradually, having been on no contact for most of the two months. I think about her everyday though and really didn’t want the end of the relationship at all. I had planned to ask her to marry me this Christmas.
The relationship has never been without love, nor without respect for each other. There has been no kind of abuse whatsoever either. She said she’d been crying for months before she decided to break up. She said seeing me (and having sex etc) in the 3-4 weeks prior to breaking up hadn’t helped her. She needed space from me, and couldn’t be my girlfriend. She had thanked me for showing I am listening to her (i.e. I was putting in effort prior to the break-up and not after it) and then ended it.
I asked recently to meet up for a practical reason and she said she didn’t feel ready to meet me. She has also removed me as an Instagram follower, but still follows me. I also have a feeling she’s deleted some pics related to us. This isn’t about avoiding me in the street but just her avoiding meeting me.
If she’s over me and sees me as low value etc, why is it so hard to meet?
My ex broke up with me saying he was unhappy and still had feelings for his ex. They rekindled their relationship which lasted only a couple months. We never met or talked after he broke off the relationship but he would message for holidays and my birthday. I finally contacted him saying I still care about him and he replied the feeling is quite mutual and wouldn’t change. We spoke the following week on the phone where he expressed his future plans and getting a job but nothing about what happened. I tried asking him out for his birthday the next week but said if he take a rain check. I tried calling last week but he didn’t answer or returned the call. Yesterday I saw him on the street in his vehicle . the taxi I was in passed in front his vehicle. He kept behind the taxi when he could have drove forward. Eventually he took the extreme left lane and went his way. It was like he didn’t want to be in eye view with me.
Hi Lee.
Your ex can’t face you right now despite him saying he feels the same way about you. So instead of trying to make plans with him, protect yourself don’t contact him anymore.
It’s your ex turn to call you, text you, and arrange a meetup now. So focus inwardly on yourself and give your ex time to process his emotions.
Kind regards,
Zan
This is very true.
Im also experiencing a hot and cold behaviour from my ex. Sometimes when i see her out she is really playful towards me (touching me, smiling etc.), but sometimes she does everything here and ignores me completely. I never initiate anything with her nor am i giving her any attention or try to elicita conversation. I am completely minding my own business, but cant help but noticed her habits.
Hi BigBoss.
Thanks for the comment.
Hot and cold behavior is very common. Your ex is trying to do the right thing, but emotions tell her otherwise so she jumps from one polarity to the other.
Keep healing and you’ll be just fine!
Kind regards,
Zan