He Chose Her Over Me And Now Wants Me Back

When a guy chooses another girl over you, he feels elated by the new girl and sees only her best qualities. He sees her surface traits (the things she wants him to see) and thinks that the girl will always be fun, loving, and energetic around him.

When a guy wants you back though, his world of fantasy comes crashing down. The guy finally discerns that the new girl has bad traits too and that those traits are much worse in comparison to yours.

This happens to monkey-branching guys a lot because monkey-branchers listen to their hearts rather than their brains. They live by the notion that if something feels right that it must be right because otherwise, they wouldn’t feel the way they do.

Such guys leave their girlfriends for another person as they don’t understand themselves, let alone relationships. They think that relationships are all sunshine and rainbows and that they’re are supposed to feel exciting, fulfilling, and extremely positive at all times.

But this just isn’t true. Relationships may be portrayed that way in movies and social media, but healthy relationships don’t stay that intense.

They may feel exhilarating for a few months or maybe even half a year, but eventually, they lose their momentum and slow down.

This is completely normal and expected. Relationships need to slow down so they can get serious.

And “serious” doesn’t mean that a relationship isn’t genuine. It just means that a couple has gotten through the infatuation phase and that they’ll no longer be able to rely on their initial excitement for the success of the relationship.

They’ll need to use their maturity and relationship skills to maintain their relationship and work through any issues that may arise.

That’s life. It’s in our nature to get used to people who are constantly in our lives. They are always next to us, so we take them somewhat for granted from time to time.

That’s why those couples who express gratitude frequently have the smallest chances of falling for another person and the highest chances of successfully dealing with difficulties and staying together.

In this post, we’ll talk about what to do when a guy chooses another girl over you and wants you back.

Why did he choose her over me?

If a guy chose another girl over you, you have to understand that he forgot about the things you did for him. He focused on the girl who was new and exciting because she boosted his ego and made him think that she would continue to make him feel good about himself.

The guy didn’t think about how she’ll make him feel months later when they get to know each other. He just thought that she makes him feel loved in the present time and that he needs to get closer to her to fulfill his needs.

Little did he know at the time that by fulfilling his needs outside of the relationship that he was breaking his moral code and cheating on you. I suppose he didn’t really care about that because he felt happy with the girl’s attention and only cared about what’s best for him.

He must have thought that he deserved to be happy with someone who understands him and makes him feel good—and that it’s okay to be unfaithful as long as he gets what he wants.

Guys like this normally think they have the right to be happy even if it’s by hurting other people.

In reality, though, that’s just something they often misinterpret in quotes like this.

Guys (and girls) actually have a moral obligation to protect and be faithful to the people they agreed to commit to. It’s a shame that people don’t have the self-control and self-awareness necessary to stop themselves from letting things get out of hand.

If they spent a little more time thinking about others and a bit less about themselves, they probably wouldn’t cheat. They’d know that cheating says bad things about a person and that it scars the cheatee.

So to reiterate, the reason why your ex-boyfriend chose another girl over you is that that girl was new and mysterious and made him feel stronger emotions of desire than you. How could she not make him feel stronger emotions when she tried her best to make a good impression on him and presented herself as a flawless individual?

In times like these, your instincts probably tell you to pick up the phone and teach the intrusive girl a thing or two about respect and stealing boyfriends. But, unfortunately, it’s not the girl who should take the blame here.

It’s your ex.

He’s the one who allowed this to happen. The girl was just a person he used to gratify his urges.

This means that if this girl didn’t exist, your ex would fall for someone else. It may not happen in a year or even in 5 years, but eventually, he’d get an opportunity to fulfill his unaddressed desires and do the same thing.

And yes, there’s a chance that he might grow up and mature over time, but this is only a chance. As far as I’m concerned, he’d need a really good reason to grow in terms of appreciating you and resisting his temptations.

So if you’re still wondering, “Why did he choose her over me, “perhaps the infographic below will make it easier for you to understand.

Why does he want me back?

Since the guy’s new relationship didn’t work out the way he planned (maybe he got dumped or finally got to know the girl’s true personality and left her), the guy now wants you back.

You’re his backup plan – someone he used to feel safe with (a bit too safe to be honest), so he’s come back thinking it’s better to be with you than to be alone.

Maybe he’s realized that he’d taken you for granted and that he must now prove his worth to you. Or perhaps he hasn’t developed feelings for you yet and he’s just stopping by for a little while before he moves on to his next potential victim.

I can’t say what the guy’s learned in your absence because only he’s aware of discoveries. He’s the only one who knows what he thinks and feels, so figure him out.

Don’t just accept him back on a whim and be glad everything’s back to normal.

The truth is that things are far from normal. They’re abnormal because the guy has put you through hell and created fears and uncertainty that only time and proof of change can resolve.

So find out if you’re his main option or just a temporary option. The difference between the two is enormous as one means he’s realized your worth and the other that he’s come back for himself out of boredom and convenience.

You can determine what his reason for wanting you back is by asking him lots of questions and observing how he reacts to your self-improvement proposals.

Here are some questions you can ask a guy who wants you back after leaving you for another girl:

• Why do you think you chose her over me?
• What went wrong in your relationship with her?
• What made you realize you wanted to be with me?
• If I take you back, things will be different. You will work very hard to earn my trust back. You’ll be transparent about who you talk to and where you go. Are you okay with that?
• It will take some time before I give you another chance because I want to see that you’re changing and growing in the right direction. How do you feel about that?
• When you left me for that girl, you did what you thought you needed to be happy. Now that you say you want me back, I question your motives. You’ve changed your mind about who to be with 3 times in the span of a few months. If I did this to you and was this fickle, would you trust me right now?

Don’t be afraid to give your ex a hard time.

Some people need a taste of their own medicine to learn to respect people. They need to be afraid of losing a person because that’s the only way they can realize that person’s true value.

I’ve mentioned this before but everything comes down to how dumpers feel. If they feel anxious, they’re much more likely to regret their actions and work on themselves than those who aren’t afraid of staying broken up.

Pain and anxiety give people the push they need to work on themselves. So make sure your ex gets the push he needs to see what it means to lose you.

Don’t threaten your ex or put him through the kind of suffering you went through. That’s not what love is about. But do show him that he’s no longer in control and that you’re going to decide if you want to be with him.

Note that you should give your ex a bit of a hard time only if you still want him back. If you don’t want him, just ignore everything so far in this chapter and tell him you’ve decided to move on with your life.

Say that you don’t want to hurt him and that you wish him the very best of luck.

This will tell him that you’re an extremely mature, yet valuable individual who doesn’t seek retribution for the injustice that was done to you.

If you handle it this way, you’ll easily be in the top 5% of the population who don’t seek validation from an ex. At least not by deliberately rejecting an ex and causing him pain.

By wishing your ex well and telling him you’ve decided to move on, you’ll forgive him as if he had never hurt you and move on knowing you did the right thing.

Should I get back with him if he chose her over me and now wants me back?

If you have feelings for your ex and you’re having a difficult time deciding if you should be with him since cheated on you and left you, try to put your feelings aside for a minute.

Pretend as if your ex never broke your heart and never made you emotionally dependent on him. This will allow you to analyze your ex’s intentions rationally and help you make a decision based on his levels of sorrow and regret.

The reason why regret is important is that regret in healthy individuals usually accurately indicates what a person feels and wants. It shows whether a person is committed to improving within and if he’s set on doing his best to win your trust back.

If you see that your ex is regretful (anxious, shy, and in pain) and has no history of going back on his word, your ex will probably change for the better. Regret will force him to sign up for therapy or enable him to find his own ways to grow.

This is because he’ll badly need to be with you to be happy and won’t care how long it takes to win you back—as long as it does.

But if you see that your ex is indecisive, over-relaxed, arrogant, defensive, and shows no signs of remorse, your ex most likely isn’t worth a second chance. Chances are that he’s come back not because he regrets breaking up with you but simply because it’s convenient for him.

Such a person will probably leave you and hurt you again, so don’t accept him back.

Consider accepting him back only if he:

• apologizes and verbally and non-verbally expresses regret
• tells you what he’s realized and how much you mean to him
• promises to change and starts working toward it
• makes plans on how he’ll improve his shortcomings and sticks to them
• starts being transparent and constantly gives you updates on his life/progress

Even if you weren’t the best partner to your ex, you didn’t deserve to get cheated on. You deserved respect, so make sure your ex shows you respect before you jump back into something that has left you devastated.

If it was your daughter who got cheated on and broken up with, you probably wouldn’t want her to get back with a guy who’s proven to be untrustworthy. You’d want the guy to work day and night to win her back—and you’d still be skeptical afterward.

So treat your ex as a cheating offender until he’s cleared his records.

It’s up to you to decide if your ex is capable of making you happy once you take him back on a trial period. But do make up your mind about it after a few weeks because a few weeks should be enough to see if your ex is on the right path.

If he is, tell your ex you’re happy with his progress and that you want him to keep growing with you.

And if he’s not improving, then tell him you haven’t noticed any significant changes in his behavior and that you don’t want to return to a relationship that doesn’t grow and give you the safety and reassurance you’re looking for.

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Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Learn more about me or get in touch today.