When an ex sends you a message with the word “Hey” without any context or explanation, it can cause a range of emotions such as confusion, fear, or anxiety. The short message can give you tons of hope and make you think that your ex might be coming back around.
While that may be true, it’s also possible that your ex is just checking up on you or needs something from you. Your ex could need your help assuaging guilt and continuing to move on with a clear conscience.
Or perhaps your ex is just bored and looking for someone to pass the time with.
Whatever your ex may want or need, it’s unsettling how a mere “Hey” from an ex who dumped you can trigger your breakup trauma and make you overthink his or her feelings and intentions. An unsolicited reach-out can temporarily but completely halt the progress of your healing journey and bring back your obsessive thoughts.
The more the rejection hurt you and the less time you had to process it, the more your ex’s greeting will affect you. This is especially true if your ex talks about himself or herself and doesn’t say what you want to hear.
And what you want to hear is an apology and a desire to reconnect and work on flaws and relationship matters.
The reach-out better be important, otherwise you’ll get strung along and suffer for nothing. You’ll feel deceived and despise your ex for disrupting your healing process.
You should respond to your ex. But before you do, remember that your ex could be reaching out for selfish reasons unrelated to reconciliation.
I’ve seen dumpers contact their dumpees for various reasons and in hundreds of different ways. Some said “Hey, hi, hello, sup” whereas others greeted their ex and explained why they reached out.
Those who immediately expressed their reasons for breaking the silence still shocked their ex and made their ex anxious, but at least they cut to the chase and let their ex see what they wanted. They made the job easier on their overanalyzing ex-partner.
Keep in mind that your ex might be saying “Hey” to see how you’re coping with the breakup and if you’ll even respond and engage in conversation. He or she might be playing it safe and confirming you’re interested in conversing and being friends.
If you don’t respond and show any interest, your ex will understand how you feel and either tell you what he or she wants to say or say nothing at all. Either way, your ex will leave you alone shortly after and might reach out again later.
So if your ex texted you a simple “Hey” and you’re dying to know what it means, you can only speculate until your ex tells you more. It could be a conversation opener or a way to see how you think and feel.
If you want to be with your ex, you should avoid ignoring your ex. Ignoring will tell your ex that you’re not interested in conversing and that you feel hurt, victimized, or vengeful.
If you prefer not to communicate, simply tell your ex that you need time to yourself instead of staying silent and allowing your ex to draw his or her own conclusions.
You should also avoid ignoring your ex if you don’t want to be with your ex or don’t respect your ex anymore.
The breakup is a perfect opportunity for you to put your morals, self-control, and communication skills to the test. Make use of it by showing your ex you’re capable of dealing with difficult emotions and proving to yourself that you won’t let your ex bring out the worst in you.
You need to understand that not responding won’t make your ex redevelop feelings and want to be with you. It will likely just make your ex feel respected and ignored.
And what do ignored people do? They think they deserve better, lose respect, and distance themselves from the source of pain and unhappiness.
Don’t listen to people who say you should ignore exes. The only reason they recommend this course of action is because their morals allow them to.
I get that you feel hurt and that ignoring would give you a sense of power and control, but there are other (more ethical) ways to feel powerful.
You can feel better by detaching and treating people the way you want to be treated. Your ex may not understand how his or her heys make you feel, but that’s why you should tell your ex. You don’t need to specifically say “Your words hurt me,” but you can express yourself indirectly by saying you’re not ready for friendship.
In this post, we shed some light on why an ex would text you “Hey” and what your options are.
Why did my ex text me hey?
There could be multiple explanations for why your ex sent you a greeting and nothing else. The most feasible explanation is that your ex was curious about you and wanted to see how you were doing and if you despised him or her.
Your ex probably wanted to make sure you desired to talk and that he or she wouldn’t get ignored.
If you ignored your ex, your ex likely wouldn’t feel rejected and depressed, but your ex would feel disregarded. Hence, your ex opted for a safer approach; an approach that analyzed your interest in talking.
You see, your ex didn’t want to write paragraphs and inquire about your life before getting your full attention. Before opening up to you, your ex wanted to test the waters and see if communication with you was possible and something you both desired.
If you stayed in no contact and haven’t conversed in a while, no contact probably increased your ex’s respect and curiosity. It made your ex admire your space and privacy and tempted him or her to reach out and approach you in a respectful and safe manner.
Your ex could have immediately told you why he or she was reaching out, but not every ex does that. Only the most self-aware, empathetic, and brave exes do that because they don’t want to give their ex false hope.
Other exes greet their dumpee ex and/or act as if the breakup didn’t change the dynamics between them.
So bear in mind that it’s very common for dumpers to reach out with a simple “Hey.” “Hey” indicates that they have respect for you as a person but that they may not understand how reaching out makes you feel.
They might have some important information to share with you and/or ask to get back together.
If they just want to let you know that their dog has passed away, they’ll try to update you and look for sympathy. But if they want to be with you and repair the broken relationship, they’ll look for affection and security.
They’ll want you to forgive them for being selfish and give them one more chance.
When an ex texts you hey, you need to remember that the chances of your ex wanting you back aren’t very high. Although your ex could be waiting for you to respond to tell you how he or she feels, your ex is likely just breadcrumbing you and doing what’s best for him or her.
Most reach-outs are sadly just breadcrumbs (meaningless expectationless reachouts). They indicate no regret or desire to reconnect as partners.
Since exes tend to reach out for themselves most of the time, you can deduce that your ex likely just wants to talk about something unimportant. Something that benefits your ex and complicates your recovery.
Of course, your ex may be open to communication and friendship. However, if this is true, your ex will occasionally make contact and may say or do things that seem perplexing.
Your ex might even talk about his or her new dating prospects and hinder your healing and growth. You need to be prepared for that and avoid letting your ex hurt you and string you along.
So bear in mind that an ex could text you “Hey” when he or she is unsure about how you feel and how you’ll respond. Your ex could reach out in this way to test the waters and figure out what to do with you. If you play along, you could get friend-zoned for months or years to come.
With that in mind, here are several different reasons why your ex might have sent you a “Hey.”
Should I say hey back?
You can say “Hey” to an ex who texts you “Hey.” There’s no harm in mimicking your ex’s response and intensity. But if you want to look a bit more original and show you’re you’re not scared, confused, surprised, or guarded, you can respond with “Hi” instead.
I think it’s better to use a greeting of your own rather than copying your ex’s. You can wait a few minutes to respond to build suspense if you want to, but you don’t need to wait hours or days.
Whether your ex wants you back or merely wants to talk, a delayed response won’t change your ex’s feelings and intentions. It will just waste your and your ex’s time.
By all means, take some time to collect your thoughts and find the time to reply. Just don’t pretend you’re busy or act uninterested.
When you’re ready to respond, respond with a one-word greeting. Say anything that feels appropriate and natural to you. You’ll do fine as long as your text is as short and expectationless as your ex’s.
Once you’ve said hi back, wait for your ex to text you back.
Don’t lose your patience and bombard your ex with texts or calls. You waited a while for your ex to send you this message, so you can wait another few minutes or hours for your ex to get back to you. If your ex doesn’t respond, you can assume your ex got what he or she was looking for and no longer needs you.
Your ex won’t forget to respond to you; especially not if you hadn’t spoken in a while. If your ex were to forget, it would signify that you don’t matter to your ex anymore.
However, if your ex responds, make it a priority to figure out what your ex wants. The sooner you understand your ex’s reason or reasons for contacting you, the sooner you’ll stop feeling anxious.
You can say something like, “How come you reached out?”
Your ex’s response to this question will tell you everything you need to know. It will tell you whether your ex wants to see you and be with you or if your ex just wants your help with curiosity, boredom, or some other issue.
I received a “Hey” from my ex too. I got it during no contact when I least expected it. Soon, I learned that her short text didn’t mean anything and that she only wanted to catch up.
That’s why I stopped engaging in conversation, went back to no contact, and did what was best for me. I’ve never regretted it, not even for a single moment.
So feel free to respond to your ex and acknowledge your ex’s reach-out. But if the conversation doesn’t lead anywhere, cut it short and prioritize your happiness and healing. Your ex might not like that, but it’s okay.
If your ex doesn’t want to be with you and take your pain away, you need to take charge and keep your ex away from you.
What do you think you should do when an ex texts you “Hey?” Should you respond, delay your response, or ignore your ex? Share your thoughts in the comments section below.
And if you want our opinion on this or any other breakup subject, subscribe to 1-on-1 coaching and get in touch.
