How To Tell Your Ex You Still Love Him?

The worst thing you can do after a breakup is tell your ex you still love him. Telling him you have feelings for him won’t help him fall back in love with you and recommit to you. It will do the opposite (suffocate him and prevent him from opening his heart back up to you).

Your ex doesn’t want to see, hear, or feel that you haven’t moved on yet and that you still have romantic expectations of him.

The moment he knows you’re hurting and looking for validation and love in the wrong places (from him), he’ll feel overwhelmed, put his guard up, and look for the quickest way out of the awkward situation you forced him into. 

He’ll blame you for making him think, feel, and do things he doesn’t want and lose respect for you.

I get that you want to tell him how you feel and that you don’t want to lose him forever and feel so anxious and hurt anymore (it’s exhausting).

But despite feeling so abandoned and hurt, you can’t tell him things he doesn’t want to hear. Not only will you show that you’re stuck in the past in denial and that you’re desperate, weak, and miserable, but you’ll also indirectly expect your ex to do something about it.

And your ex (being your ex) won’t oblige. If he’s a decent person, he’ll feel guilty and pressured into helping you deal with your problems instead of focusing on himself, avoiding thinking about you, and freeing himself of post-breakup responsibilities.

I wanted to tell my ex I loved her too. In fact, I wanted to do everything in my power to fix her reasons for leaving (not the actual reasons for breaking up). I wanted her to know how much she meant to me and that we could be a happy, functional couple if I could show her my love and commitment.

Fortunately, I didn’t reveal my feelings and expectations and stayed in no contact. Had I broken no contact and poured my heart out to her, I wouldn’t have just ruined her respect for me but also my respect for myself.

Self-respect was something I was lacking, so I can’t even imagine how badly I would have suffered if I caved into anxiety and opened up about my feelings to a person who cared about them the least.

If she was dating or feeling relieved at the time of my wanting to reach out, she would have felt extremely smothered and tempted to react impulsively – the way most dumpers do. She would either have ignored me, rejected my feelings, said something mean, or admitted to being happy/seeing someone else.

Back then, I was desperate for affection, but today, I’m in a rational state of mind and don’t see how telling her I loved her would have made her want to be with me.

That’s why I want you to refrain from telling your ex-boyfriend that you still love him. Your ex may belong to a different gender than my ex, but even if you’re certain your ex will not feel trapped, disrespected, or bothered, it’s not worth taking a risk.

Not when it can’t help you feel better and get what you want (a relationship). 

It’s better to keep your pride and dignity and avoid telling your ex things he doesn’t want to hear and deserve to hear. 

Always remember that dumpers respect dumpees who leave them alone and know their worth. Such dumpees allow their exes to be free and avoid stressing about post-breakup expectations and feelings. They let them worry about themselves and the things or people who make them feel positive emotions.

If they can’t feel positive emotions, they often feel victimized and do things their exes don’t appreciate.

So if you’re a dumpee and you’re wondering how to tell your ex you still love him, I strongly urge you not to disrespect and ignore your ex’s decision to leave and his lack of romantic feelings. You wouldn’t tell a random person on the street that you love him and want him to make you feel secure.

That would overwhelm the guy with expectations and make you look codependent and creepy.

You’d tell a person (whether it’s your ex or a person you’re seeing) that you love him only when you feel that you’re on the same page about many things in life, including romantic feelings, goals, respect and self-respect, values, and the attention you give and receive.

Currently, you’re probably not getting what you want from your ex. You’re either in no contact waiting for your ex to have a change of heart or talking to your ex and acting like a friend.

No matter what reconciliation method you’ve chosen, you should never reveal your cards to an ex who dumped you. The guy mustn’t know how you feel and what you want.

If he does, it will make him feel unsafe around you, damage his perception of you and respect for you, destroy your post-breakup mysteriousness, and reduce his overall interest in you.

You must realize that he’s not asking you to tell him how you feel. You’re the one who wants to share this information with him because you’re hurting and want him to reciprocate your one-sided feelings. Your ex is fine with how things are and doesn’t want to change anything.

He wants to feel empowered and remain in control of the breakup.

In today’s article, we discuss how to tell your ex you still love him. We discuss when you can tell your ex you love him and also how to tell your dumpee ex you still see a future with him. We’ll start with advice for dumpers.

How to tell your ex you still care about him?

First of all, don’t bother telling your ex you still love him if you only “love him” as a friend or a human being. Don’t say ambiguous things that will confuse and hurt your ex for no reason. You may feel bad for leaving and hurting your ex, but that doesn’t mean you should say and do things that couples do.

Kissing your ex, sleeping with your ex, saying you don’t know what the future holds, and telling him you still love him will give your ex tons of hope. It will make your ex think that you still feel attracted to him and that you might get back together if he plays his cards right.

If you want to say that you care about his health and well-being, say that you care about him and want to help him get through the breakup. Answer his questions, give him closure, respect him, forgive him for hurting you, express your gratitude for his commitment and effort, and support him emotionally.

Just don’t tell him you still love him because it could tell him you want to be with him but that something (fixable) is stopping you from trusting or investing in him. 

Telling an ex you left that you still love him when you don’t is inconsiderate of his feelings, needs, and desires. It makes him feel good for a moment but messes with his brain long-term – just so you can forgive yourself for causing him pain and check “helping my ex” off the list.✅ 

Therefore, saying “I still love you” is not something your ex needs to read or hear from you to feel better and get over the breakup, but something YOU need to alleviate your guilty conscience and move forward with your life.

It’s an ignorant, inconsiderate, self-centered, or perhaps even selfish action that has more to do with how you feel than how your ex feels.

If you really wanted to help your ex feel important, you’d contemplate asking your ex how you can help him recover. Either that or you’d leave him alone and let him detach and move on with his life.

Maybe you haven’t been dumped before and/or lack breakup knowledge, but if you tell your ex you love him when you don’t, you’ll make the reach-out/comment about your unprocessed guilt and curiosity rather than your ex’s welfare. 

That will cause your ex to misread your feelings and intentions and urge your ex to talk to you and try his hardest to get back with you. In other words, your ex will want to make you love him “even more” and help you overcome the problems preventing you from reconciling.

Tell your ex you love him only if you actually love him and want to be with him. Tell him why you left, what you realized since you’ve left, how you feel about him, how regretful you are for leaving and hurting him, and what you’ll do to prove your commitment if he gives you one more chance.

Your ex-boyfriend must see that you regret hurting him and that you’re serious about working on yourself and making the relationship work. If he sees that you’re prideful, unregretful, controlling, and impossible to work with, he could reject you and carry on with his life.

With that said, here’s an example of how to tell your ex you still love him and want to reconcile.

If your dumpee ex doesn’t want you back after apologizing and expressing a desire to reconnect as partners, don’t guilt-trip and force your ex to come back. Instead, thank your ex for being honest and taking the time to talk to you.

Let your ex know that you appreciate him but that you should get some space from each other and focus on healing.

You shouldn’t settle for friendship and interact with your ex after the rejection as if nothing happened. You may have left your ex in the past, but you’re a dumpee now. You got rejected and have no choice but to start accepting the breakup and letting go of your ex.

How to tell your dumper ex you still love him?

You don’t need to tell your dumper ex anything. If he left you recently, he knows you still love him and desperately want to be with him. He saw how badly the separation affected you and that you were dying to feel loved and secure.

If you didn’t give him a strong reaction, you also don’t need to tell him how you feel about him. He’ll most likely assume that you still love him and want to be with him. 

Honestly, it doesn’t matter if he doesn’t know you still love him. All that matters is how he feels about you. His feelings (not your feelings) determine whether he comes back or not. Your feelings only make things worse because they eliminate his curiosity and sense of urgency.

So whatever you do, don’t tell an ex who dumped you that you still love him and want him to love you back. He’ll respect you, think about you, and want to interact with you more if you keep him in the dark about your feelings and life.

The guy will redevelop feelings when he fails to find happiness and peace without you and sees you as someone who can help him deal with his problems, pain, and lack of self-love. That’s when HE will tell you that he still loves you and thinks about you.

You have to let him come to you otherwise he’ll take you for granted, lose interest, and tell you or show you that he doesn’t love you anymore.

Your job as a dumpee is to heal, not tell your ex how stupid, regretful, anxious, and desperate you are for reassurance and love. Self-blame and self-pity will make you look unattractive and force your ex to stay away from you for his own good.

They’ll make your ex glad that he left you.

Hence, I encourage you to go no contact with your ex. Cease all communication and cut your ex off. Your ex won’t think you’re bitter and refuse to come back because of that. On the contrary, he’ll see that you value your time and feelings and respect yourself.

He’ll be forced to respect you and leave you alone unless he has something important to tell you. Something that interests both him and you.

Until your ex reaches out and expresses regret and love, keep your ex away from you. Work on yourself (especially your self-love) and focus on anything and anyone but your ex. The busier you are, the less you’ll miss your ex and want him to love you back.

I hope you’ve learned how to tell your ex you still love him. Share your thoughts and feelings on this subject in the comments section below.

And if you’re looking for 1-on-1 help with your breakup, feel free to reach out to us by subscribing to our coaching options.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Learn more about me or get in touch today.