How To Get Over Your Ex Being With Someone Else?

Seeing your ex with someone else while you still harbor feelings for your ex can be extremely challenging. The thought of your ex having fun, being happy, investing in the other person, and building intimacy can trigger fears and insecurities you didn’t know existed.

It can make you feel so jealous and scared that you obsess over your ex’s new relationship day and night and neglect your self-love and self-improvement because of it. The more you want your ex back and the more you depend on your ex, the harder you can expect the breakup to be.

It’s natural to feel hurt and want your ex’s new relationship to fail so your ex can come back and/or validate you. It’s natural to struggle to let go of an ex who has moved on with someone else while you’re still grieving the loss of the relationship and trying to get ahold of yourself.

The breakup combined with monkey-branching (starting a new relationship) affected your self-esteem (made you feel unneeded, discarded, rejected, and easily replaceable), destroyed your relationship plans, and made your future uncertain.

Because your ex wasted no time and started a new relationship with someone new, the things you did for the relationship now feel unappreciated and wasted. You feel like the months or years you’ve spent with your ex mean nothing to your ex and that your ex doesn’t seem to care about you as a person.

Your ex just wants to cut off the past and start anew with someone he or she knows nothing about; with someone who empowers your ex and helps him or her forget the past. 

Try not to compare yourself to your ex’s new partner. You may both want to be with the same person, but you’re not competing against each other. You both get a chance to get to know your ex on a personal level. Your chance was before the breakup, and this person’s chance is now – after the breakup.

There’s no guarantee that your ex will return to you if this relationship doesn’t work out. Some dumpers don’t get hurt enough to reflect and see their ex as a decent backup option. Instead, they move forward and look for a new person to date.

I don’t know what your ex will do, but I do know that you must take control of your life and heal. Acknowledge your ex’s intentions to date, take your rose-tinted glasses off, and see your ex for who he or she is. Seeing your ex realistically will help you process the breakup quicker and allow you to get over your ex being with someone else. 

You’ll stop caring about the fact that your ex switched on you and showed no consideration for your feelings.

It will happen when you detach and understand that your ex isn’t as special as you thought and that a special person would have valued what you had.

He or she would have communicated problems before they changed his or her perception of you and ruined the relationship.

If your ex met this person and/or bonded with him or her while you were still together, your ex emotionally and/or physically cheated on you. Your ex did nothing to resist temptations and ended up choosing the person who made him or her feel the most attracted and validated.

The new person felt light, fun, and exciting—and had no negative traits and behaviors to dislike. In your ex’s eyes, he or she was the most attractive and perfect individual.

Of course, your ex didn’t know it was just a facade and that the true personality would only emerge later on, as they got to know each other and stopped pretending to be someone they’re not.

Anyway, a dumper, let alone a cheating dumper is not worth fighting for. Especially not when he or she has no regrets and desire to get back together. The only thing left to do is start letting go and working on finding happiness outside of the relationship with your ex. 

It will take some time to get over your ex being with someone else. It will take no less than half a year because you’ll have a lot of work to do.

You’ll have to:

• cease all communication with your ex
• avoid making breakup mistakes (checking up on your ex)
• accept that your ex may be happy (without you)
• learn to love yourself and enjoy your own company
• refuse to compare yourself to your ex’s new dating prospect/s
• acknowledge your ex’s flaws, mistakes, and imperfections
• work on your shortcomings and see yourself as an improved individual

Getting over your ex being with someone else often involves a process of trial and error. It entails discovering which coping strategies and self-care practices resonate with you, and which don’t. Some people find exercises and meditation extremely therapeutic whereas others prefer to journal and be creative.

It all comes down to your preference. If you’ve never been broken up with before or if you’ve never engaged in introspection and discovered your best methods for dealing with unwanted thoughts and emotions, you’ll need to do that now.

Consider the breakup a great opportunity to learn how you function in times of stress and what you can do to get your happy self back. You don’t need to get over your ex and over your ex being with someone else right away, but you don’t want to dilly-dally for too long.

You want to heal, be done with your ex emotionally, and open your heart to new (romantic) possibilities. You’ll be able to do that if you keep your ex at a distance and get to know yourself better.

Ask yourself what helps you feel better and what makes you feel worse.

Soon, you should realize that asking friends about your ex, analyzing your ex’s new partner, and going through old conversations give you hope and a false sense of control. Such things don’t help you get over your ex being with someone else, but quite the opposite.

They deepen your obsession with your ex and prevent you from letting go and being happy.

In today’s post, we discuss how to get over your ex being with someone else. We share tips that work for most dumpees going through a hard time. They’ll help you too if you gather the determination to implement them.

How to get over your ex being with someone else?

Everyone can get over an ex being with someone else. Everyone can forget about the dumper and find better things and people to focus on.

Recovery isn’t limited only to the strongest and most confident and experienced individuals. It’s limited to those with the willpower to prioritize their well-being. Such people understand or want to understand their worth and do what’s best for them.

They know that begging won’t get them what their heart desires and that they’ll only feel more rejected, anxious, and depressed. 

That’s why among other things, dumpees’ healing or the speed at which they heal depends on their ability to love themselves and control their impulses.

If they can successfully avoid making breakup mistakes and hurting themselves whenever they crave their ex’s reassurance, it’s only a matter of time before they heal and become emotionally independent.

There’s no reason why they shouldn’t heal when they’re concentrating on the present and future rather than the past.

A common problem I see is that some people don’t want to get over their ex being with someone else. They don’t want to accept that their ex is infatuated with someone else and that they may not get another chance with their ex.

Some dumpees wish to control their ex’s feelings and behaviors even after the breakup so they can forcefully change the outcome of their relationship.

Such dumpees suffer the most and the longest because they:

1. Refuse to accept the breakup and their ex’s new partner.
2. Don’t want to understand that they can’t manipulate or influence their ex’s thoughts, feelings, decisions, and actions. 

Typically, they have to uncover their childhood issues and work through them before they can accept their ex’s decisions and lack of feelings.

Sure, they can get over their ex being with someone else even without understanding where their need for control comes from, but that often takes much longer. In some cases, it takes dumpees years to get over their fears of abandonment and loss of control.

Hence, I encourage you to do some digging. Identify the origins of your insecurities and assess whether they fall within the spectrum of normal human experiences. If they’re normal, you still have work to do, but likely less than someone who was raised in an unhealthy family environment.

You still have to convince yourself that your ex isn’t your ideal partner and that he or she has the right to date other people. Convincing yourself your ex isn’t a good match for you may not be what you want (especially if you want your ex back), but it’s necessary for you to let your ex go and be happy.

To get over your ex being with someone else, rebuild and improve your self-esteem. Focus on loving yourself and appreciating those who care about your health and well-being.

Improved self-esteem and gratitude will allow you to think positively about yourself and be grateful for the people and things you still have in your life.

Next, practice acceptance. Come to terms with the breakup and your ex finding someone else attractive by telling yourself your ex deserves to be happy, even if it’s not with you. Your relationship ended, so your ex can look for a relationship that works or doesn’t work for him or her.

How compatible the new person is doesn’t concern you anymore. He or she is your ex’s problem now.

Besides, you can’t tell what your ex’s new relationship is like. You don’t know if they express problems and emotions maturely, so don’t assume your ex is a million times happier than he or she was with you.

Your ex may be posting the new person on social media, but for all you know, they could be emotionally incompatible and/or incapable of maintaining their relationship. What you see from afar is not what their relationship is like.

If they’ve been together for a while and got out of the infatuation phase of a new relationship, they probably have both good and bad times. This means they’re just starting to learn how they operate under stress, fear, anger, suffocation, and doubt.

They’re testing each other and learning to work together.

If you want to know how to get over your ex being with someone else, know that you have to want your emotional state to change. You won’t stop caring or stop caring soon if you’re not prepared to set aside your emotions and heed your thoughts.

You’ll most likely stay hooked on your ex and your ex’s new dating interest.

So convince yourself that letting go of the life with your ex and the life your ex has after the breakup with the new person is a must. It’s important to want the best for yourself and those who care about you. Your recovery depends on your desire to live a healthy and happy life.

The more you want to respect and love yourself, the sooner you’ll detox from your ex and stop caring what your ex and his or her new partner do.

To get over them, practice letting-go affirmations. Write down why your ex’s dating life doesn’t concern you and why the relationship with your ex ended and doesn’t matter anymore. Turn journaling your thoughts and feelings into a habit, and you’ll soon believe what you think and write.

If that doesn’t work or you need additional help, sign up for therapy. Open up to a professional experienced in breakups and human behavior. He or she will analyze your upbringing and breakup situation together with you and give you some tips and things to work on.

Make sure to also confide in empathetic friends and family who’ve been dumped before and want the best for you. They’ll give you healthy advice and discourage you from acting impulsively.

You must work on disconnecting from your ex and letting go of the idea that your ex still “belongs to you.” Since you broke up, you must understand that your ex has the right to see other people. You must be okay with that whether you want your ex back or not.

Whenever you feel hurt, tell yourself that your ex dating someone else won’t make your life any more difficult and that you’ll find happiness as soon as you process the breakup and see how far you’ve come.

Don’t date anyone else while you’re hurting. By all means, talk to others, but don’t get romantically or sexually involved with them. Connect with other people only when you’re over mainly or fully over your ex and need just a tiny push to leave your ex behind.

You’ll know you’re ready to take the last step when you stop obsessing over your ex and feel excited to bond with someone else.

In the meantime, stay away from your ex (do no contact) and keep detaching. You’ll get over your ex being with someone else when you realize your worth and fall back in love with yourself. That’s when you’ll stop caring who your ex is dating and how your ex is feeling.

You’ll simply enjoy your new life and the person you’ve become.   

With that said, here’s a recap of how to get over your ex being with someone else.

What if I can’t get over my ex being with someone else?

If you can’t get over your ex and his/her new partner, you’re probably doing something wrong. You’re not avoiding reminders of your ex (throwing away your ex’s gifts, deleting pictures of your ex, unfollowing your ex, moving out, or staying physically and emotionally away from your ex.

Due to pain, you keep making the same mistakes, forcing your brain to stay obsessed.

Bear in mind that it’s normal to feel abandoned and replaced by another person. It’s normal to feel all the negative emotions you feel right now. You’ll feel hurt for a few months after the breakup whether you follow all the tips or not.

But if after a year or two of finding out your ex is seeing someone you still can’t process it, you need to figure out what you’re doing wrong.

If you’re talking to your ex, letting your ex breadcrumb you, receiving letters or gifts from your ex, or hearing your friends talk about your ex and his or her new partner, you obviously shouldn’t keep doing that.

You should understand they’re the reason you can’t come to terms with the situation and that you might not (fully) recover if you don’t block your ex out of your life once and for all.

So don’t make the same mistakes over and over again. Put an end to them and your suffering and by doing so, regain control of your life.

Are you still wondering how to get over your ex being with someone else? Are you worried that your ex and his or her new partner will get married and live happily ever after? Let us know how you feel in the comments below.

And if you’d like to talk to us about your unprocessed feelings, sign up for a therapy session here.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Learn more about me or get in touch today.