Accepting A Breakup And Moving On: 11 Crucial Tips

Accepting a breakup and moving on is probably one of the hardest things dumpees have to do. Not only must they battle their inner demons, but they must also go against their overwhelming need for love and connection, cut their ex off, and relearn to rely only on themselves.

This may seem like an easy thing to do to people who aren’t going through a breakup, but detoxing from the dumper is no joke. It requires emotional and mental strength, determination, perseverance, understanding that moving on is for the best, and blind faith that everything will be okay.

Everything will indeed be okay if they grow their self-esteem, become physically active, and find ways to stop thinking about their ex. They may not be able to stop thinking about their ex completely, but they can decrease the number of ex-thoughts they experience and make them less painful.

They just have to go no contact, stay busy, and avoid checking up on their ex. The less they communicate with their ex and the less they know about their ex’s post-breakup life, the fewer emotional setbacks they encounter and the quicker they accept the breakup and get over it.

It’s that simple, yet so many dumpees struggle to accept the breakup. Why is that?

It’s because they’re attached and dependent on their ex for recognition. They feel hopeful that their ex will return and continue to supply them with dopamine and other happy hormones their ex took from them by breaking up with them.

Dumpees are essentially happy hormones addicts. They don’t realize this, but they’re addicted to the way the relationship made them feel and can’t break that addiction overnight. They need months of time to fully process the breakup and come to terms with it.

On average, breakups take 8 months to get over them. But they can take even longer if:

• dumpees invested too much of their happiness into the relationship
• they neglect themselves
• they make breakup-mistakes
• the relationship was long-term
• their ex continues to breadcrumb them (calls/texts them and confuses them)
• they stay in contact with their ex and refuse to follow the rules of no contact every dumpee should follow

Dumpees worry about a lot of things after the breakup. Their self-esteem is down, so they fear their ex will meet someone else and forget about them. That’s why they often try to befriend their ex, remain in their ex’s life, and feel that they have some control over the situation.

They don’t know that their ex probably doesn’t want to be friends or that being friends with their ex is going to make it difficult for them to get out of the friendzone. They have to find that out for themselves the hard way – by obtaining more unnecessary information about their ex, getting hurt, and delaying their detachment process.

So if you’re serious about accepting a breakup and moving on, avoid breakup mistakes and follow breakup rules. They will keep you busy, promote your healing, and make you emotionally independent as quickly as your body lets you.

This post is for dumpees who are trying to accept a breakup and move on. We’ll share 11 tips on how to get over your ex and get the most out of your breakup.

1)Cut your ex off

Whether your ex was nice to you or not so nice, the very first thing you should do after the breakup is cut your ex off. Doing so will allow both of you to get some well-needed space from each other and force you to regain your identities.

It will get your ex out of sight and show you that you don’t need your ex to function properly. You just need to start doing things without your ex and see that life goes on with or without your ex.

Dumpees who don’t cut their ex off tend to stay obsessed with their ex much longer than dumpees who don’t. That’s because they keep pondering about their ex, revisiting the breakup, thinking about ways to save their relationship, and having dreams about their ex.

They obsess over the things their ex tells them, push their ex’s words and actions into their subconscious—and by doing so, force their ex to occupy their thoughts and emotions. They become even more obsessed with their ex than they were when their ex broke up with them.

If you want to accept the breakup and move on, you’ll have to stop giving your ex priority. You’ll have to cut your ex off so that you can think thoughts and feel emotions that have nothing to do with your ex. Emotional independence will liberate you and give you back your ability to appreciate and want other people and things.

So if you haven’t started no contact yet, start it now. Commence the indefinite no contact rule and let your ex’s absence heal your breakup wounds and return the power your ex has taken from you.

2)Surround yourself with friends and family

Once you’ve cut your ex off, you’ll need to replace your ex-dependency with someone you can confide in. That someone could be a friend or a family member. It doesn’t matter who it is as long as he or she hears you, empathizes with you, doesn’t give you harmful advice, and doesn’t says things like, “He’ll come back, he said you were the best boyfriend.”

Friends and family are your support system. You should rely on them so they can knock some rational sense into you, stop you from doing crazy things, talk about the things that bother you, and lower your separation anxiety and fears of the unknown.

Your loved ones will absorb your pain. They won’t make your ex come back (if that’s what you’re hoping for), but they will tell uplift you in ways that only people who care about you do. So give them a chance to take care of you.

Do that by listening to them when they want the best for you and doing the things they tell you to do. If they tell you to cut your ex off because they’ve been through it and know it’s good for you, do that. Show them their opinion, advice, and time matters and that you appreciate them helping you.

Sometimes friends and family get tired of talking about the same things over and over again. When that happens, thank them for being patient with you and give them proof that you value them and take them seriously.

3)Follow all the rules of no contact

If you want to accept the breakup and move on as fast as possible, you’ll have to follow all the rules of no contact, not just the ones you favor. If you stop talking to your ex but still read and analyze every post your ex publishes on Facebook, that won’t help you detach from your ex.

On the contrary, it will attach you to your ex because you’ll feel reassured when you come across information that gives you hope.

Checking up on your ex from time to time isn’t the worst breakup mistake, but it is a mistake nonetheless. It will have a drug-like effect on you and delay the time it takes to get over your ex. That’s why you must stay away from your ex not just physically, but also emotionally.

Block out any information that could make you analyze your ex’s behavior and his or her feelings for you.

Some things you can do today to keep your emotional dependence to a minimum are:

• Unfollowing, deleting, or even blocking your ex if you can’t stop checking up on him/her
• Telling your friends not to update you on your ex
• Throwing gifts from your ex away or putting them in a box where you can’t see them
• Avoiding places where you can run into your ex
• Avoiding places that make you nostalgic

If the breakup just occurred, it probably won’t be easy to go cold turkey on your ex right away. But do try to implement at least some of these rules so you can crave your ex less and eventually forget about your ex. No contact is a journey that requires a lot of patience, strength, and faith.

If you break no contact or make certain mistakes, just go back to no contact. It’s never too late to start or resume no contact. But don’t take this as an excuse to reach out to your ex.

4)Stay busy

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. The best cure for a broken heart is to stay busy. No matter how badly you want to talk to your ex and get back with your ex, focusing on yourself will keep you distracted and allow you to get through the painful stages of no contact.

Don’t get me wrong, staying busy won’t instantly heal your wounds and erase your ex from your memory. But it will gradually make you distance yourself from your ex and encourage you to look forward to new things.

To stay busy, consider:

• Focusing on your work/studies
• Improving your friendships
• Taking up hobbies
• Learning new skills
• Practicing relaxation techniques
• Getting in shape
• Finding your passion
• Helping others

There’s a lot you can do to keep yourself busy after the breakup. If you don’t find ways to stay busy as much as you can, you’ll have too much time on your hands to think about your ex. And when you think about your ex, you’ll find it hard to accept the breakup and move on from your ex.

So stay busy with your life. As long as something or someone is holding your interest, you’re doing the right thing because you’re not wasting your time and obsessing over your ex.

5)Stay physically active

Accepting the breakup gets much easier when you’re physically active. The reason for that is that you make yourself feel good with the same kind of hormones your ex denied you. Some hormones are, of course, different, but physical activity is something you should be getting daily.

This is especially true if you’re in denial and have a difficult time accepting the breakup and not thinking about your ex.

So incorporate physical activity into your daily routine and stick with it long-term. If you do it long enough, you may start to like how good happy hormones feel and become addicted to them.

That would be a healthy addiction whereas staying attached to your ex is unhealthy and a complete waste of time. Physical activity is good for you whether you’re going through a difficult time, if you’re overweight, or even if you’re perfectly healthy.

You can’t go wrong by taking care of your physical health.

6)Journal your thoughts and feelings

One of the best methods for accepting the breaking is journaling. Journaling helps you express your thoughts and feelings when no one’s around or when you have trouble expressing yourself.

It’s truly amazing because it lets you say whatever you want for however long you want.

To get the most out of journaling, write:

• how you feel
• why you feel that way
• how you see things
• what you can do to feel better

Use the journal to track your progress and work on improving your thinking patterns and emotions you lack control of.

7)Get therapy

If journaling and talking to your friends and family don’t give you the results you want, consider getting therapy. Nothing beats talking to a professional who understands your situation and knows what to say.

A therapist has the knowledge and experience to provide you with tips and tools to lower your anxiety and get your life back in order. He or she may also suggest medication.

So if you’re struggling with your breakup and need help, invest some money and time in therapy. Get help so you can process the breakup and don’t develop trust issues, fears, and problems connecting with romantic partners in the future.

8)Improve yourself

The time after the breakup is ideal for self-reflection and personal growth. Use the post-breakup time to improve your shortcomings, broaden your relationship knowledge, increase your self-esteem, and understand why the breakup happened.

You’ve got to work on yourself so that your next relationship doesn’t suffer from the same issues. You want your next relationship to have different challenges and different reactions to those challenges. So roll up your sleeves and do the work on yourself.

The best way you can improve your imperfections is the old-school way – by doing lots of reading. Reading will teach you how to handle difficult situations better and make you remember techniques and behaviors next time you find yourself in those situations.

You can also spend some time thinking about your mistakes and writing them down. That will help you understand them more clearly and give you the determination you need to handle predicaments better in the future.

9)Understand why your ex did what he or she did

Just how therapy is important, so is understanding why your ex left you and treated you the way he or she did. Understanding your ex’s behavior is a part of acceptance and healing as it will give you closure (if your ex didn’t give it).

It will help you understand that you’re not to blame for your ex’s actions and that your ex had flaws too. He or she had shortcomings and intentionally or unintentionally made you feel responsible for them.

To understand your ex’s words and actions better, read psychological articles and talk to friends and people who see things more rationally than you do. They will probably be a bit frank, but honesty and tough love are important so you can take your rose-tinted glasses off and see things for what they are.

The sooner you let rationality enter your system, the quicker you’ll get out of denial and lose hope.

10)Remember why the relationship failed

It’s a cliche, but breakups happen for a reason. Something goes wrong, so couples distance themselves from each other and focus on their own needs.

You need to remind yourself that your ex lost patience and willpower, fell out of love, gave up on the relationship—and that that’s something you had very little (if any) control over. All you could do was encourage your ex to open up to you and tell you how he or she thinks and feels.

If your ex didn’t do that, your ex wasn’t ready to grow with you. Your ex needed to invest in himself or herself more so that your ex could overcome personal issues and develop the skills to maintain romantic relationships.

11)Don’t date

The last tip on this list is not to date anyone while you’re working on accepting the breakup. As long as you’re broken-hearted and need your ex to validate your feelings, dating other people is a big mistake.

Not only will you waste people’s time and play with their feelings, but you’ll also feel empty and rebound with them. You’ll fail to establish a healthy bond, so you’ll get hurt and start missing your ex even more.

You should date only when you’re fully or mainly over your ex. That’s when another person can serve as a positive distraction and push you to fully detach from your ex.

But until then, don’t date. Give yourself a chance to make some more emotional progress before you try to connect with other people.

Are you in the process of accepting a breakup and moving on? Do you have any other tips you’d like to share with us? Post them below.

However, if you’d prefer to discuss your breakup with us in private, click here to get in touch.