In this article, I will discuss how to increase confidence successfully.
Confidence is one of the most valuable traits a person can possess. It’s a state of mind in which one unconditionally believes in his own self-worth and abilities.
To be self-assured means to live your life on a set path with no doubt or fear.
One who is confident is so self-reliant and assured of himself, he doesn’t allow other people or events to affect his self-worth.
But increasing confidence in most cases doesn’t happen on its own. as it requires diligence and perseverance to get out of your comfort zone.
Confidence vs arrogance
Have you ever wondered why “bad guys” get all the pretty girls?
It’s not because they are smooth talkers or rich. Most of them don’t even know half the alphabet. So how do they do it? They stand tall and exude confidence in a way where possible failure does not bother them.
Confident behavior is extremely attractive to both genders because one who believes in himself can handle what life has to throw at him.
Confident people are considered emotionally strong and highly desired to the opposite gender. In most cases, these “jerks” tend to lean more to the arrogant side which can often be mistaken for confidence.
Sooner than later, arrogance is revealed and they find themselves single again.
There is a difference between confidence and arrogance.
Being arrogant is to be excessively prideful in yourself, therefore putting yourself on a pedestal while displaying superiority.
I have to say that having a tiny bit of arrogance is definitely better than having no confidence at all.
Having little arrogance can help you stop being “the nice guy” and push unwanted, harmful people away. In this way, you don’t end up getting hurt.
People with low self-confidence and low self-esteem tend to stay in the comfort zone and can face the following difficulties:
- Undervaluing their capabilities
- avoiding future events by thinking about the failures in the past
- overanalyzing and refusing to face difficult situations
- shyness and social anxiety
- prioritizing others over themselves
- achieving their goals
How to Increase Confidence
You already know what you must do if you want to increase confidence. The reason why you are here is that you are looking for an easy way out.
But unfortunately, life doesn’t reward laziness and inactivity, so instead, you must build up the courage and take bold action.
Before diving deep I suggest you make a plan of action. Since confidence is a broad term, let’s say you wish to be more outgoing which requires a fair amount of confidence.
Write down why you want to be outgoing, how it makes you feel and what you will do with it once you reach your goal.
Now that you know the reasons for improvement, we need to find a way to achieve your newly set goal. Since being outgoing is a social activity, we have to consider improving the following parts of our lives:
1)Verbal and non-verbal communication
This is probably the most important part when it comes to making the first impression.
You want to appear polite and thoughtful, without coming on either too strong or disinterested.
Finding the right balance can sometimes be challenging, especially if we are caught off guard. Luckily, with a few simple tricks and techniques, we can always stay engaged.
Verbal communication. A lot of people tell me, they either don’t know what to say or can’t keep conversations going.
Remember, people love talking about themselves and as long as you show you are interested in them and urge them to talk about themselves, you can listen to them for hours.
Did you know that it really doesn’t matter what you say as long as it’s within context?
For example, you indulge in a conversation about ponies. The other person tells you she has 2 ponies in a stable.
Because you are a newbie at conversing and you genuinely have no idea what to say to when it comes to something like that, here is a rule of thumb.
Use these words when you don’t know how to carry on the conversation – why, how, where, when, what, who…”You can say “Why do you like ponies,” how often do you feed them, when did you get them…” you get the idea.
This is a great way to show interest as long as you don’t overdo it to the point of interrogation. Instead, every now and then give them a compliment, express how you feel and even disagree (nobody wants a yes-man).
These are all basics that will help you carry on with your communication. Only about 20% of verbal communication matters, when it comes to making a good impression.
The other 80% is made of non-verbal communication. The most important are facial expressions such as eye contact, smiling, blinking, scowling. Second in line is your posture, feet positioning, gestures.
When it comes to confidence, non-verbal communication is the key to success. It is the core of who we are and how we react to our surroundings. Become aware of how you carry yourself and make it become a part of you.
Our confidence is apparent on the outside, so it only makes sense that the better we portray ourselves, the more confident we feel. It works both ways.
Actual tips to increase non-verbal communication
These tips work wonders for me, and I strongly recommend you implement them as soon as possible:
- Stand up tall
- raise your shoulders up and back in a natural position
- walk with confidence. No abrupt, jerky movements
- eye contact
- natural gestures
- nod often
2)Physical appearance (clothes, physique)
Have you ever been to the gym and you saw a bunch of guys screaming and shouting while lifting weights?
Your first impression was that they are probably just cocky and inconsiderate of others.
That said, have you thought about what they are feeling inside? They are confident and satisfied with their bodies!
Exercising releases endorphins. As a result, we feel great in our skin, which is why I recommend you sign up for the gym or at least buy running shoes to get your heart pumping.
Next, I want you to dress in clothes you feel comfortable wearing, and not what your friends think is trendy.
Of course, if it’s time to update your wardrobe, do listen to them, but in the end, you will be the one wearing them. Dressing properly greatly contributes to your confidence so always make sure to dress appropriately.
You should also get a haircut, whiten and repair your teeth, and whatever it takes to be the best version of yourself you can possibly be.
3)Think and act positively
Your thoughts in correlation with emotions will play a huge role in increasing confidence.
You always want to have a positive outlook on life no matter how sour things get. If you let negative thoughts (which lead to negative emotions) get the best of you, you will start acting negatively.
We’ve all been there, and it is so important to get a hold of yourself and erase those negative patterns out of your mind.
You can become more positive by:
- becoming aware of negative thoughts and patterns
- practicing positive affirmations “I am happy/confident…”
- distracting yourself when it gets hard
- accepting the possibility of failure
- accepting who you are
Don’t fret about things you have no control over in your life, such as height, health problems, poverty.
The sooner you accept your situation the faster your confidence will break through the surface.
4)Instant motivational boost
Here’s what I found out works best for me when I need that little bit of a boost.
- Pump yourself up by jumping up in the air
- speak slowly, sound upbeat and energetic
- crank up the music (something you enjoy listening to)
5)Record your progress
Take down notes of your personal progress.
Commend yourself for the work well done and often go back to see all the changes you’ve made.
You will be surprised how far you’ve come and might get the extra motivation to keep up with the good work. For maximum effect, write notes as often as possible.
Do weekly comparisons of your journey and sooner than later, you will become a confident person.
Have you increased your confidence or are you planning to? Leave a comment below.