If your ex-girlfriend is dating someone new, she’s one of many dumpers who are eager to connect with someone new. She’s in a hurry to replace the past with someone she knows nothing about so that she can feel loved, prioritized, and supported.
Dating can be an empowering experience. It can help your ex distract herself from unwanted experiences, reduce or eliminate her moral obligations, cause her to feel desired, and make her move on from her past relationship. A new person can change her priorities in life and make her do what feels right rather than what is right.
It sucks, but many exes don’t wait long before they start dating again. They may say they’re not interested in dating (that they don’t want a relationship), but as soon as someone new becomes interested in them, they back-pedal and give the new person a chance.
They don’t care what they promised their ex because they value their happiness more than their ex’s pain and problems. Their ex is someone they don’t romantically care about anymore. They consider him or her a person they were disappointed by and are incompatible with.
A new love interest is way higher on their priority list. He or she makes them feel infatuated and indirectly convinces them they deserve to date and be happy again. Such convictions cause them to ignore their ex’s wants and needs and tempt them to focus on feeling good.
If your ex-girlfriend is dating someone new, she’s not forcing herself to move on from the past. The girl or woman has already moved on and is merely acting on her urges. This means she’s following her instincts and trying to benefit as much as she can from the new relationship.
You’ve been through the stages of a new relationship before, so you know they can be incredibly exciting. They’re all about getting to know the new person, looking for common values and interests, and bonding.
The attraction in the early stages is irresistible. The newness of the relationship makes it impossible for couples to think rationally and take things slow. New couples feel elated and want to spend as much time as possible with each other.
The more time they spend getting to know each other, the more connected they feel and the quicker they discover each other’s flaws. Although they don’t seek to uncover any red flags and problems, they tend to eventually run into them.
It happens when they get comfortable with each other and least expect it.
You probably fear that your ex-girlfriend and her new partner are a match made in heaven and that they’re going to get married and have kids soon, but that’s your anxiety, fear, and destroyed self-esteem talking. The reality is that couples who move too quickly often fail just as fast.
They get to the last stage of a new relationship and reveal their true colors and relationship-managing techniques. If these techniques are lacking, they can lead to unhealthy arguments and put a lot of strain on the relationship.
Strain that may be too much for their unrealistic expectations to overcome.
Some new relationships can withstand early problems whereas others (typically people who just got out of a serious/bad relationship) cannot. They get reminded of their ex and become overwhelmed by the problems and the need to invest time and effort into the relationship.
As a result, they associate problems from the past with their current partner and doubt their choices and happiness.
The future is uncertain, so no matter what happens, remember that your ex-girlfriend is dating someone new because that’s what she wants. She wants to be in a relationship and obtain relationship benefits.
The relationship gives her strength and purpose whereas a lack of it makes her feel stagnant and unfulfilled.
She wants to feel that her life is progressing and has what other people have. Maybe she’s not directly comparing herself to anyone, but she likely feels pressured or motivated by society to reach her relationship/life goals before it’s too late.
Some women (typically those in their 30s) feel that they’re running out of time and that they need to find someone to settle down with and have kids with. They’re afraid of aging and missing out on experiences life has to offer.
Consequently, they desperately look for someone to date and achieve their goals with.
If you found out your ex-girlfriend is dating someone new, you probably feel shocked and hurt. You’re wondering why she’s dating someone new so quickly and risking getting hurt when she could just be with someone she already knows (you).
The thought of her moving on and being happy scares you beyond belief. It makes you question your worth as a partner and causes you to want to impress her. Since you feel rejected, anxious, and probably depressed, you crave your ex’s acceptance more than ever and want to fight for her love and commitment.
You don’t want to let her go and lose her to someone else.
Before you contact her and tell her she’s making a mistake, you need to understand that she doesn’t think she’s making a mistake. Your ex is convinced that life is short and that she should have fun and be happy.
If you tell her she’s wrong or that she’s being selfish or childish, she’ll find your reach out and comment offensive and show you that her dating life is none of your business.
So refrain from doing or saying anything that shows you’re in pain and against her dating someone new. You don’t need to support her new relationship or act like it doesn’t bother you.
But you should stay away from her and let her be in love and go through the relationship stages.
Once she’s gone through them, she could start feeling guilty for chasing happiness while you’re still trying to figure out what went wrong and how to keep yourself together.
In this post, we discuss why your ex-girlfriend is dating someone new, why you feel hurt, and what you should do and not do whether you want her back or not.
My ex-girlfriend is dating someone new and it hurts
One of the most difficult things you can experience as an ex is seeing your ex-girlfriend connect with other people. Seeing her fall in love and act infatuated with another person makes your anxiety shoot through the roof and forces you to obsess about her and her new dating prospect.
Each minute she spends with the new person instead of you, she ignites your anxiety and the fear of being replaced and forgotten. She causes you to worry for your safety and long-term happiness and makes it extremely challenging to get her and her new man or woman out of your head.
Bear in mind that post-breakup obsession is completely normal. It’s normal to feel traumatized by your ex and crave her reassurance and affection. Being in a relationship one moment and a single person the next can be hard to accept and cope with.
It can make you blame yourself for the end of the relationship and prevent you from holding your ex accountable for the role she played in the breakup.
Dealing with a breakup is challenging enough, but discovering that your ex has already started seeing someone new is a completely different thing. If you’re not over the breakup (which you likely aren’t), it pours tons of salt onto your open wounds and destroys your self-love and hopes for reconciliation.
The thought of your ex having a good time and being intimate with some other person is the worst experience in the world. Not even the death of a partner or a family member is as painful as noticing a person you love bonding and planning a future with someone else.
The happier your ex appears and the less she cares about you, the more anxious and depressed you feel. Her actions and the lack thereof cause you mental anguish because you emotionally depend on her and have high expectations of her.
You expect her to realize your romantic potential, stop dating around, and come back to invest in you and the relationship.
Since she isn’t showing any romantic interest in you but rather in some other person, you now feel as if it’s the end of the world. You feel rejected, unwanted, lost, and miserable and desperately want your ex to acknowledge your worth.
You want her to give you another chance or at least show some respect for your health and the relationship you invested in.
The last thing you expected was to see her move on so fast and invalidate your efforts and commitment.
When an ex starts dating someone new right away, she proves she doesn’t love you anymore and that she doesn’t care whether you find out she’s dating again. All she cares about is her own feelings and ways in which she can benefit from bonding with another person.
We could say that she lacks empathy and a desire to support you and ease your pain.
Although she has the right to move on and be happy, she also has a moral obligation to not cause you any more pain and suffering. She has to give you closure and avoid hurting your self-esteem.
Besides, a little break from dating can’t hurt. It tends to give the dumper a chance to do some soul-searching.
If she started dating right away, she didn’t think she needed to make any changes. She just wanted to cut off the past and try her luck with someone new. This will likely lead to complications further down the line when she encounters similar problems and stressors.
With that said, here’s why it hurts so much when you see your ex-girlfriend dating someone new.
Why is my ex dating someone new?
Your ex is seeing someone new because the new relationship gives her happiness and hope. It enables her not to think about the past, question her decisions and morality, and invest time and energy in a relationship that doesn’t work for her.
The new person is a positive distraction for her. Whether he’s a mature and compatible partner, he makes your ex feel validated and optimistic about the future.
The simplest explanation for why your ex-girlfriend is dating so soon is that she’s emotionally ready to date and excited to move forward with her life. This may not be what you wanted to hear, but she considers the new person her savior – someone who can help her leave the past behind and start a new chapter of her life.
She sees him as someone whose attention, love, and validation she has to work for. This makes him an interesting individual to spend time with and invest in.
It’s not that he’s a better partner than you but that she knows nothing about him. He’s a big question mark that piques her interest and excites her.
While the relationship is new, you can expect her to be head over heels in love with him. Your ex is in love with his superficial qualities – the traits, habits, and behaviors he wants her to see.
The real him (which is how he deals with problems) remains a mystery to her. She’ll see that part of his personality when excitement wanes and puts his relationship skills to the test.
So keep in mind that your ex-girlfriend dating someone new may be a way for her to transition from one emotional state to another. It may help her avoid dwelling on unwanted thoughts and encourage her to feel positive emotions.
Dating is the quickest method for her to boost her ego, happiness, and sense of direction.
What should I do if my ex-girlfriend is dating someone new?
The first thing you should do (if you haven’t done that yet) is stop interacting with your ex. Stop talking to her, liking her social media posts, and showing her you’re still around.
Remind yourself that your ex is dating by choice and that she isn’t waiting for you to impress her and make her choose you. Your ex is merely enjoying the moment and seeing where life takes her.
She’s taking things one day at a time and steering clear of self-imposed expectations and pressures.
You don’t need to do anything when she starts dating someone else and seems to be having a good time. You just need to focus on yourself and give her new relationship space to progress. You must let them get to know each other so they can see if they’re a good match.
If they are, they’ll keep dating. And if they’re not, they’ll encounter incompatibilities and stop seeing each other.
Regardless of how well they get along, you must give them complete control over their relationship and focus on things that are in your power to control.
Things such as:
- detachment
- self-love
- self-improvement
- de-admiring your ex
- and regaining your purpose
When you’ve done these things, you might not even care that your ex is dating again and appears to be happy. Your ex’s relationship status and happiness won’t matter to you because you’ll see your ex differently and depend on yourself for happiness.
So give it some time and let your ex’s relationship progress naturally. If your ex’s new relationship fails and hurts your ex, your ex could change her perception of you and want you back. That’s when you’ll get your lost power back and be in a much more rational state of mind to decide if taking your ex back is the best thing to do.
Is your ex-girlfriend dating someone new? Does her new relationship bother you? Share your thoughts, feelings, and experiences below the post.
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Ed — she has a son. Women who have children instinctually put their needs first so as to provide the best possible outcome for their offspring. It’s basic evolutionary behavior that enables the continuation of most species.
You had 5 years with this individual. She’s pursued housing advantages. Look, female birds choose the best male nest builder and provider of insects. It’s not personal. She probably loved you to pieces but her body is making hormones that stimulates this behavior with the new partner. Next time, pick a woman who has raised her kids or who doesn’t have any. You’ll see yourself prioritized.
I’m sorry, but it had nothing to do with her son. It was all about her and her desire for materialistic items that she could not obtain on her own. I asked her to live with me in the meantime at my house until we found something else. Her own mother, who was another cause for our demise even told me directly that her daughter deserves a house. Excuse me, but no one deserves anything in life, you need to earn it. She was only with me because I was able to give her what she wanted until the time came where I couldn’t and off she went to another guy. You are honestly going to defend that type of behavior? So every married man who man be unable to afford the best of everything for their wives, better watch their backs, because if another guy comes around and he has a better house, the woman is going to leave due to evolution….nonsense! You marry for love and commitment, for better or for worse. When you supposedly love someone, you love the person, not what you could get from the person. If I loved her for what she could get me, I would have never been with her as she couldn’t contribute much of anything to me. I loved her for her and I was happy with her as she was, I didn’t look for what I could get from her and it’s not like I lived in a cardboard box, my space is on the small side, but it would have worked until we could find something else. She used to be a materialistic person long before I met her and she got humbled and was left with next to nothing. When I met her she didn’t have much and over the 5 year together I helped her get back on her feet, but I guess the hunger of materialism came back as well. Your bird reference serves no purpose. How does she know how great of a nest building this other guy was? I think she was carrying on with him through messages, not in person and if she was it wasn’t long.
If she “loved me to pieces” those hormones she is making should have been for me not for some other guy that she had to line up and have in waiting so she can monkey branch to and not be without somebody.
Shes still angry about her breakup and taking it out on other men through texts on this website. Dont take her seriously, but understand shes still hurting, probably more than you. Hope your find your way Claire
I’m certain my ex monkey branched to the guy she is with now. It was 5 months before she posted anything on social media though. But the day I found about about this other guy I was completely devastated, I also became complete obsessed, as I tried to get all the information I could about this other guy. Any healing I did from the breakup was erased and I had constant and terrible anxiety from it. I could not believe after all I did for her, she threw away our 5 years together with no care or concern. I eventually learned to overcome my obsession and stayed away from her social media and learning anything more about him. It’s been 19 months now, and there still isn’t a day that passes where I don’t think of her and miss her, but I figured she must still be with him, as I never heard from her again. Then unfortunately, the other day, I saw she made a Venmo payment to him with a smiley face emoji. I thought I had her removed from everything because I didn’t want to see anything regarding her, but I guess I was wrong. I was so hurt by this because it now confirmed what I feared, that she is still with him so it means they are progressing quite well and it just opened up the wound again. She makes me feel so worthless, that she couldn’t be bothered try to work on us and that she could leave me for someone else in the blink of an eye. She totally did me wrong, she never gave me closure, she never even gave me the reason why she was leaving. I was really wishing this relationship she jumped into was going to crash and burn, but a year and a half later life is still going great for her, while the opposite is happening for me. Even though she didn’t have the decency to tell me why she left, it was primarily due to me not getting her a house. My current house wasn’t good enough for her and her son and even though I was trying to find us a house, numerous factors prevented from happening. I already know this other guy already has a house that will be suitable for her and I wouldn’t be surprised if she has not already moved in or if she is engaged yet. I never realized how selfish she was until she dumped me and I think she would have gotten with anyone as long as they give her what she wants and that is a house. It’s shame she only loved me for what I could provide her instead of loving me as a person, like I did with her. My heart is always going to break for her and miss her especially knowing that she latched on to someone who will give her the one thing I couldn’t and I am sure she will be marrying him before too long. All this good has came her way for the wrong she did and here I am with nothing but heartache. I want to believe in Karma, but I don’t get how what she did is fair but yet she still comes out on top.
Hi Ed.
I don’t know why you think things are going so well for her. She may still be with this guy, but that doesn’t mean things are perfect. No relationship ever is, so don’t fall for it. Her social media and Venmo are things you see from afar. They’re illusions that make you interpret their relationship in unrealistic ways. The reality is totally different.
I want you to work on your self-love. Focus on yourself and her life won’t matter to you much longer. Rest assured that she’ll lose importance in your life when you become happy with yourself and learn to let go.
Hang in there, Ed!
Zan
Thank you Zan. I understand things aren’t perfect, but they must be going well enough that she stayed with him and never came back to me. Never even tried to reach out once. She couldn’t care less about me because she has this guy and it kills me. I know a Venmo transaction doesn’t sound like much, but for her to add a smiley face to it speaks loudly to me. I never got any such emoji whenever she sent me money on Venmo. I could only imagine what her Facebook looks like. I would never dare even look because all it would do is gut me and there’s not much left to take out of me. I just wanted to see this relationship crash and burn considering how she got into it and how she had no concern about me. I want to see her punished for the her evil and selfish behavior, but I see the opposite.
I pretty much have the blinders on when it comes to her, it wasn’t like I was looking to see what I saw. I am trying to focus on myself, but I don’t have much to focus on. I have next to no friends, family doesn’t want to hear about this anymore and expect me to be over this and I can’t find anyone to begin a relationship with. Pretty much all I got is me and I am so sick of being alone all the time and not having anyone to talk to or to enjoy life with. I had all that with my ex and I was so grateful for it, I never took it for granted, but nonetheless, it was all stripped away from me and given to this other guy, so easily and carelessly.
I am trying to hang in Zan, but I am struggling. Thank you for your reply and all you do. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate it the work you do.
Hi Ed.
It must be hard to see her communicate differently from what you’re used to. This doesn’t mean she’s changed as a person, but that she’s picked up some new habits and altered some behaviors. She hasn’t replaced you, Ed; she just moved forward with this guy. She was the one who took you for granted after you invested wholeheartedly in her, so you’re struggling to come to terms with that.
Stay strong and you’ll get through this pesky setback.
Best,
Zan