Ex-girlfriend Says She Doesn’t Want A Relationship With Anyone

When your ex-girlfriend says she doesn’t want a relationship with anyone, she’s talking about her feelings in the moment. She feels overwhelmed, so she can’t even imagine herself being with any other person.

The breakup has caused her a lot of stress and pressure, which is why all she wants is to be single and not worry about investing in someone new. She just wants to focus on herself and be independent.

But when she processes her overwhelm and meets someone she likes, that will change. She’ll quickly start feeling desired and want to explore a romantic relationship with that person. She’ll forget what she told you (that she’s not ready for a new relationship or that she doesn’t ever want to be in a committed relationship).

Her negative breakup beliefs and emotions will disappear and be replaced with an infatuation with the new person.

So don’t take your ex-girlfriend seriously when she says she doesn’t want a relationship with anyone and that she just wants to be single. The reason she told you that was because she didn’t want a relationship with you. She just wanted to escape the pressuring situation she was in and focus on herself.

She couldn’t think about other people and imagine going through the same thing with them.

I know many ex-girlfriends and ex-boyfriends who during or after the breakup told their ex they weren’t going to date anyone. They made it look like they were done dating people and that they weren’t emotionally and mentally ready for any relationship, not just a relationship with their ex.

But the moment an opportunity presented itself (they met someone else), they monkey-branched to the new person and posted lovey-dovey pictures on social media. They did a complete 180 and forgot the things they promised their ex.

Dumpers will often tell you what you want to hear. They don’t want to hurt you (and you hurt them), so they avoid telling you they’ve already met someone else or that they won’t say no if they like someone.

Most of them would rather keep you in the dark and make you believe that “it’s not you, it’s them.” What this excuse really means is that they don’t like you, but that it’s not your problem. It’s theirs for wanting different things from their romantic relationships.

Therefore, when an ex-girlfriend tells you she just wants to be single for a while (or forever), she actually wants to get space from you and focus on herself. When she’s done enjoying her space, though (and an average dumper tends to be done in a couple of weeks), she’s probably going to give other people a try.

I’m not saying this to hurt you, but I would rather you be prepared for the worst. Dumpers just don’t stay single for long. Those who do, tend not to have many dating options or have a difficult time committing and working on relationships.

In today’s post, we discuss why your ex-girlfriend says she doesn’t want a relationship with anyone. We’ll decipher her excuse and talk about what you can do about it.

Ex-girlfriend says she doesn’t want a relationship with anyone

If your ex-girlfriend told you she doesn’t want a relationship with anyone, know that your ex-girlfriend will want a relationship at some point. It may not be at this exact moment—and with you, but she doesn’t want to stay single for life.

She’d probably been in a relationship before you, so she doesn’t suddenly want to stop dating and live a single life.

Even if for some reason she thinks that she does (which she doesn’t), this belief won’t last long. Eventually (within a few weeks or so), she’ll have processed her guilt and suffocation from breaking up with you and become open to the idea of starting a serious relationship with someone else.

That’s how dumpers are. I’m not trying to generalize and say that every single dumper who uses a breakup excuse is deceptive, but I can confidently say that the great majority have no intention of staying single. They’re just too afraid to admit that they’re ready to start a new relationship if they want to.

Dumpers want you to believe that they’ll be miserable without you and that you needn’t worry about them dating other people. You can relax and forget about them moving on so quickly.

What dumpers don’t tell you, though is that they’ve already moved on. They’ve detached and are unwilling to get rid of their negative thinking patterns and let themselves be vulnerable with you again. If they allowed themselves to be vulnerable while they still think poorly of you, they’d feel smothered and sacrifice their happiness for yours.

That’s why most dumpers just say what’s best for them (not you). They use typical breakup excuses that give you just enough hope to keep you away. Sadly, hope makes you think your ex still feels something for you and that it may be possible to reconcile with your ex if you just try hard enough.

You need to understand that a dumper who hints at being miserable without you isn’t actually miserable. She’s just afraid of being honest because honesty could hurt you and make you more desperate for answers and love.

Your ex would rather not risk telling you the truth because your ex is afraid you’ll keep reaching out and pressuring her.

Some dumpers are aware of this and do exactly the opposite. They say things like, “The relationship is over and we’re never getting back together.” Such dumpers either know how false hope affects their ex and want to kill hope for their ex or they’re so frustrated with their ex that they shut their ex down and push their ex away by force.

Your ex probably isn’t one of those people. Your ex is being controlled by guilt and/or cowardice. She thinks it’s safer for her to fade away quietly and hope you’ll detach and forget about her. She’s forgetting that putting the blame entirely on herself makes you think she’s got some problems to resolve and that you could get back together in the future when she’s resolved them.

So if you’re wondering why your ex said she doesn’t want to be in a relationship with anyone, bear in mind she’s afraid of telling you the truth and making you think it’s only a matter of time before she gets involved with someone new. She chose the cowardly approach, which involved lying to you and making you believe she’ll die single.

It was a distraction tactic for her to get you to stop prioritizing her and making her feel uncomfortable. She wanted you to focus on yourself and those whose attention you don’t need to ask for.

With that said, here’s an infographic showing why your ex-girlfriend says she doesn’t want a relationship with anyone.

It’s comical that guilty people make breakup excuses. They don’t feel guilty about lying and hiding things, but they feel guilty about leaving and hurting their partner. It’s like they selectively choose the lesser of two evils when the option to be honest and sympathetic is right in front of them.

I suppose they willingly lie to avoid one problem and create another.

I wouldn’t believe an ex-girlfriend if she told me she was going to stay single forever. Knowing what I know today, I would have asked her if she intends to become a nun. I certainly wouldn’t expect a dumper who feels relieved to say no to new romantic opportunities.

On the contrary, I’d expect her to say yes to the very first person who asked her out. Dumpers typically don’t wait long. Most of them find someone new to distract themselves with and date within a few months. This includes dumpers who express a desire to be single for a while.

So don’t take your ex-girlfriend’s words literally. Your ex may feel tired of being in a relationship with you, but she definitely won’t fight her temptations to be with other people. If she’s like other dumpers, she’ll cave into curiosity and infatuation when someone new gives her attention, compliments her, and wants to be with her.

I can say this with certainty because I’ve seen it happen hundreds of times. The dumper verbally affirmed that the dumpee meant the world to her and that the dumpee doesn’t have to worry about her dating someone else.

But the moment someone else entered her life, the dumper forgot her promise and went with the flow. In self-defense, the dumper would then say something like, “It just happened. You can’t control who you fall in love with.”

That then made the dumpee feel betrayed and worthless and crushed his or her hope for reconciliation.

My advice is to remember that dumpers won’t ever stay single and wait for you. The second the breakup happens, you’re no longer the person they dream about and want to be with romantically.

Some just want to keep you around as a friend, a person who can help them financially/emotionally, or someone they can fall back on in case their new relationship doesn’t work out and they regret leaving.

You need to be aware of that so you don’t naively think your ex is so traumatized from leaving you that she can’t get into another relationship.

If she decides not to date anyone for a little while, that has nothing to do with you. It’s got everything to do with her emotions because the breakup burned her out emotionally and made it difficult for her to form new connections.

How much time a burned-out dumper needs to recover is debatable as it varies for every dumper. But a few weeks or so should be enough unless you were abusive and did horrible things to her.

Ignore what she says and leave her alone

Whether she says she misses you or finds others unattractive, your ex is no longer your girlfriend. Her loyalties lie elsewhere, which is why you need to stop interacting with her immediately. Don’t ask her to think things through, work on the relationship, and try to love you like she did when you were together.

Your ex is detached, so she doesn’t want to do that anymore. She just wants to focus on herself and do the things that make her feel good. You must remember that your ex feels overwhelmed at the moment and that no amount of reasoning and begging is going to change her mind.

And even if it guilt-trips her and somehow makes her want you back, her determination is not going to last long. A woman needs to respect you and see the value you bring to the table to want to stay with you. She must also feel good around you.

And for her to feel good, it must be her decision to give the relationship another chance.

If it’s your idea, she’s going to feel suffocated and push you away. Negative behavior will then make you even more desperate for her love and force you to make even more mistakes.

So remember that you can avoid pushing her away and hurting yourself in the process by following the rules of no contact. These rules are meant for you (the dumpee) and will help you disconnect from her emotionally and allow you to prioritize yourself.

You won’t get through the breakup overnight, but you will get back on your feet if you stop overanalyzing everything your ex-girlfriend says and does. Her words and actions can make you obsess over the breakup more than you should.

That’s why you must do your best to stay away from her and minimize the chances of her messing with your head and affecting you emotionally.

Did your ex-girlfriend say she doesn’t want a relationship with anyone? How did you interpret that? Let us know in the comments below.

And if you want to talk to us about it or anything related to breakups and relationships, sign up for coaching here.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Learn more about me or get in touch today.