Have you ever wondered why some exes never come back? Why they just move on with their lives and never look back?
I know I have when I was going through my breakup. I was desperate for self-validating information, so I searched all over the internet for something hopeful to keep me sane.
Most websites I visited made me feel good about the breakup as they assured me that my ex will miss me and come back to me. They told me that my ex is thinking about me (about the good times) and that it’s only a matter of time before my ex caves in to nostalgia and comes running back to me.
Only a few websites actually said, “Look, your ex may not come back. Accepting the breakup is the hardest thing you’ll ever have to do, but it’s in your best interest that you learn to overcome your killer anxiety and move forward with your life.“
Since I was hurt and desperate for love, I quickly exited those websites. I didn’t think they were real because they were so different from other sites.
That’s why I went to look for hope elsewhere.
“Luckily,” the internet was full of hope-giving sites, so I kept reading articles that told me what I wanted to hear (and not what I needed to hear). Those websites felt reassuring to me as they encouraged me to reject reality and accept the illusion that they had created for me.
At that time, I didn’t know that the information was a fantasy and extremely unrealistic. But because I had no experience with breakups whatsoever, I placed my faith in them anyway.
I trusted them because they said that it’s okay to do so. They claimed they had success in regards to “Making an ex come back” and “making an ex love you again.”
I was going through my first breakup, so I had no idea if exes come back and why they come back. I just knew that I needed to get my ex back or I would never be happy again.
I remember reading someone’s page that said, “Getting an ex back is the easy part. Keeping him/her is much harder.”
What this person wanted to convey is that most people will get their ex back. But to get their ex back, they will need to be smart and follow his advice.
Now that I understand dumpees’ and dumpers’ behavior a bit better, I know that not all websites and self-proclaimed relationship coaches are fit to give advice on one of the most difficult subjects on the planet.
I admit I wasn’t either when I started blogging because I lacked knowledge and most importantly, experience. I handed out way too much false hope as I thought that exes come back because of the emotional connection they have with their ex.
This, of course, isn’t true. Most exes lose the emotional connection a week or more prior to the breakup. They connect to their ex only if they rebound or have an epiphany.
Today, we’ll talk about why some exes don’t come back.
Why some exes never come back?
If you want to know why exes don’t come back, it’s because they have a hurt/victim mentality. They don’t miss their dumpee or think fondly of him or her, so they focus on themselves and think solely about their own wants and needs.
Most exes are convinced that the breakup needed to happen and that they are much happier being single or with someone else. Whether they’re actually happier or if they’re just happier because they’ve demonized their ex is questionable, of course.
But normally, dumpers who hate their ex’s guts and talk badly about their ex don’t possess the ability to get out of the negative spiral and improve the way they think of their ex.
Holding their ex responsible for the way they feel makes them feel good about themselves and in control. It gives them a lot of power. That’s why they tend to remain on the same emotional intelligence level and carry their unhealthy relationship mentality into their next relationship.
It’s no secret that some exes don’t come back. They don’t have a reason to because emotionally, they aren’t able to process the breakup and see their ex in a positive light.
And even if they see their ex improving as a person, they still don’t want to acknowledge their ex as a person of value and allow themselves to be vulnerable again.
Not after they’ve built a wall to protect themselves from getting hurt again.
So if your ex left you and you’re wondering if your ex will ever come back, try to understand that many exes don’t have the strength, nor the ability to overcome the negative emotions they’ve created.
They would rather just hold on to the emotions that give them power (annoyance, anger, hatred, relief, stubbornness) and stay in control of their lives.
For such exes to come back, they would need to willingly or unwillingly let go of these powerful emotions, and become open-minded, curious, nostalgic, and willing to drop their defenses.
With that said, here are 6 reasons why some exes never come back.
1)They don’t suffer enough
Pain is the most common reason why exes come back. It’s the emotion that makes dumpers realize their mistakes and forces them to look for love and shelter.
Exes who don’t get hurt, on the other hand, tend not to feel the need to get back with their ex. They’re happy or neutral, so they don’t think about getting back with someone who brought them pain or displeasure.
They prefer to stick with their breakup decision and focus on themselves. At least until their post-breakup life takes a turn for the worse.
It’s unfortunate, but it’s the way it is.
Many exes don’t come back because their life after the breakup is very similar to the life prior. In terms of happiness, it’s Âą 20%, which is not very different.
For dumpers to regret their decision and come back, their lives have to become much worse. They have to suffer and/or experience some kind of emotional setback.
So whatever you do, don’t think that your ex is extremely happy without you and that you were the only cause of your ex’s unhappiness. You were most likely just someone your ex attached pain and negativity to.
2)They don’t reflect on their relationship/mistakes
We now know that exes tend to reflect on their lives when they’re in pain and out of options.
Your ex will also most likely reflect on his or her life when your ex is in pain, lonely, or out of luck. That’s when your ex will think about the past, present, and future, and make some positive changes.
You have to understand that exes can’t fall back in love with their dumpee ex unless they reflect. They can’t do it because without reflection, their ex remains the inadequate person they dumped.
So next time you wonder if exes come back after the breakup, remind yourself that they do. But exes who come back (and stay) are usually the ones who ponder about their mistakes and their partner and attach positive characteristics to their ex.
Such exes are able to stay in love because they change their mentality from “My ex is not good for me” to “My ex is good, kind, and generous.”
3)They can’t/don’t want to improve the black picture they’ve painted of their ex
When dumpers view their ex as the culprit, they feel empowered and in control. They feel strong and certain about their breakup decision.
This is the reason why most dumpers prefer to hold their ex responsible (even if their ex was a good person). To them, it doesn’t matter what their ex sacrificed for them prior to the breakup and how much their ex could grow in the future.
All that matters to dumpers is the self-destructive feelings they’ve developed for their ex during and after the breakup. This is why immediately after the breakup, dumpers need space and are immune to nostalgia.
They are surrounded by so much negativity that reminiscing about their ex repulses them.
Unfortunately, most dumpers don’t even want to think about improving the way they see their ex. They feel suffocated and are in too much pain to worry about investing time and emotion into an ex.
The only way dumpers can think about their exes and miss them is if they process their smothering emotions and/or if something or someone forces them to reflect.
4)They let their emotions control their thoughts and not vice versa
Many dumpers are exhausted by the end of their relationship and are, therefore, controlled by their emotions. They do what feels right rather than what is right.
That’s why they sometimes ignore their depressed dumpee, get angry, and express sharp criticism.
Such dumpees don’t have the self-control and self-awareness to sympathize with their dumpee. In terms of emotional maturity, they are still undeveloped and need a lot more time and self-work.
How much work they need depends on each person. But most undeveloped/impulsive dumpers need at least a few months of hard work to break their old habits.
5)They see themselves as victims
One of the most common reasons why exes don’t come back is because they have a victim mentality.
Instead of acknowledging their lack of patience and improving their understanding of their ex, they point fingers and say things like:
- my ex is jealous/clingy/needy/controlling
- my ex makes me angry/miserable
- he/she doesn’t understand me and care about me
- this relationship is toxic/not healthy
They basically attach so many negative thoughts and traits to their ex’s persona that they turn their ex into a person they want their ex to be. In their mind, they transform their ex into their worst nightmare and as a result, begin to feel repulsed by their ex.
Most dumpers, unfortunately, break up with their exes because they think their ex wants or does too much of something they don’t like. This means that they break up with their ex because of the way they perceive their ex and not necessarily because of the way their ex actually is.
Such exes have got to improve the way they perceive their ex’s negative characteristics. Instead of hating them, they must learn to (temporarily) accept them and find ways to encourage their ex to change them for the better.
6)They don’t improve themselves
Many dumpers don’t understand themselves, let alone their exes.
That’s why in order for them to appreciate their ex and go back to their ex, they have to learn more about themselves and their romantic relationships.
They have to learn that relationships require patience, willpower, and a lot of understanding.
If they don’t learn more about their thought process and try to understand that the way they feel about their ex is because of their lack of self-awareness and self-control, dumpers usually don’t return.
Nothing significant changes within them, so they just move on to their next relationship, thinking that “relationships shouldn’t be that hard.”
The truth is that relationships are as hard as people make them. Some people have an easy time understanding one another while others argue and bicker.
How happy couples are depends on them and the personal growth they’ve done on themselves prior to and during the relationship. More work means better results.
And the same goes for dumpers.
If they work on themselves and realize that their relationship failed because they weren’t ready for it, they sometimes contact their ex and see if they can repair the damage they’ve caused.
But if they don’t put the work in and absentmindedly think that they have nothing to change about themselves, they usually stay closed-minded and move on to their next “victim.”
Such people aren’t worth your trouble because they’re miles away from becoming self-aware, working on themselves, and ultimately, making long-lasting changes.
Did any of your exes come back? What was/is your relationship with your ex like? Leave your comment below.
Zan, you omitted more factors in your articles again, but you are coming at it from your chosen perspective. In my own experience, I did realize and know how I treated the ex I used to be with, and I realize I caused him pain. Yet, as aforementioned in another article, God gives us a choice who to marry, as long as they are in the Lord. In regards to the ex, he was good but not good enough to become my husband. I deserved better. I did get better. Even after all the soul-searching, realizing my part in breaking up with the ex, but in the end – it was a blessing because it freed me and allowed God to lead me to the new man who is my husband, and hopefully, he returned to the mother of his child who he left. If not, thatâs on him, and I feel sorrow for his child and the mother of his child, because of their family being torn asunder when it never should have been. I think the ex would agree it was a mutually good breakup, in hindsight, and I have no reason to go back, even if I were not married. So as you see, sometimes when the ex never comes back – it is a good thing and does not mean the dumper or dumper is to blame. It is therefore more than ironic when even your own articles admit to doing the same – âFind someone betterâ. The right unbetrothed unmarried person has the choice to accept or leave – as long as they are obeying God, regardless if they love and respect you. The Lord gave that freedom. Something for you to realize and to think about.
~ Mrs Emily Gloeggler
Thatâs so true . My ex broke up with me six months back and didnât even looked back once. I can so relate to the reasons which you have given . I need to work on myself and move on with life which is not so easy for me .
Hi Fkhan.
Don’t worry about your ex anymore. Worry about your own health and well-being. It’s all that matters. Try not to take your ex’s actions and inactions personally. Your ex does what he/she feels like doing.
You’ll move on one day at a time. It’s already getting better, but it may not seem that way.
Kind regards,
Zan
Hi zan,
thanx so much for all your blogs it help me rationalized my break up with me ex coming up a year and half ago. i do have one comment from your blog that i have always been the dumper i left all my exes i never returned only because i saw that we were not compatible and I ended it they all hate me for it but they all know now it was for the best. my last one though. we were together 6 year and I ended it very near out dating anniversary date. i dumped him yet i became the victim. i left but went back as he was the longest relationship we had (mine lasted a year or so his only a few months) note we meet when he was 22 and i was 25 now i am 32. in my head it was a great relationship. minor arguments (ie. dont leave your cloths in the hall way put them in the hamper) i did feel alot like his mother in alot of ways i tried my best to stop when I caught myself being that way. looking back it was mainly him i did my best to be supportive and compromise alot and i mean alot. when he was graduating college he was so willing to move without me and he did and i drove a hour to and from my old job just to be with him and he really didnt care. little thing like this build up and toward the end i kept repeating to him “i am not against you”, “yes i am changing you as i see the potential you can be and i wish you did the same to me” and his response will always be “you have to accept me the way i am i will not change at all” not to mention 3 out of those 6 years i ask where/ when are we getting married and he just kept giving me ultimatums; when you complete college, when i get a job to support both of us when you get a good job, etc well we kept hitting those milestones and nothing. so after i got tired the arguments got worst he would twist my words and made me remember wrong saying i have the anger problem i live in the past and need to let go yet he had a online affair that i caught then invited the girl over to the house a year later and we all went to disney who knows how many other affairs he had that i didnt know about and to him it wasnt cheat cuz there was not x rated content of any kind. dont think he understands not all cheating is sexual. stuff like that i live in the past according to him and just needed to drop it and get over it. so i left. and before i even move out of the house and got an apt to leave he went out with buddy to bars and he told me about the girls that flirted with him with the biggest smile on his face. i moved out and tried to be friends as we known each other for 6 years his mother loved me and same with mine. but not know he continued to date and “sleep” with me at the same time and reasured me it take him a very long time before he date or love again. a month and a half later he met the love of his life told his closet friend how happy he been in years in the mean time i the dumper beg for him to come back to loved me like i thought he did all those years. then he cut me off100% and did everything i ask for during the relationship for him to improved on he did in a matter of days for this thing. everything he said was a no and never gonna happen became a reality within a blink of a eye for that person. so the next year i improved, grew, and learned what went wrong my mistakes, his and ours. i bought my 1st house on my own as the house we use to live in was bought by his father. and my ex came back a year later but not what you think for, he came back to drop the last handful of things i left behind. i called him out asking why . he said we could never communicate that was our down fall, he saw it coming from day 1 we never grew together only apart. i called so much b.s. and ask why could he man up and leave earlier he said he should of and he drug it on much longer then it should of. i ask what lies is your perfect girlfriend feeding you he said she not and she knows enough about you and we dont talk about the past we let it go. he ended it with i never forget the good times we had i give you that. and he drove off. that showed me that as a dumper you can be the victim too. i dont know what you call that if i was gaslighted, with a narcissist’s, or what, but as a dumper i never go back but this one i did. i believe a beautiful lie and went running back think someone who told me up untill the last moments saying how much he loved me was false. i was a dummper but i was also the victim as well sometimes the dumpee it the toxic one despite my flaws and my wrong doing in the relationship as well. i dont know what came of them if they are still together or not yes i still drink that poising call revenge and hope his life is misarable either trapped with her, never being able to hold a relationship or alone forever. i hope.
I am the dumper that is never comming back. And it isn’t because i didnt evolve or work on myself or whatever. It’s not because of “victim mentality”. My ex was abusive, phisycally, verbally, financially you name it. So I think there is one point missing in your article. That some dumpers don’t come back because dumpee was literally an a**hole and they just don’t want to deal with that anymore. Sometimes dumpees really are not those poor nice people being left, sometimes there is a real reason behind that. And yet somehow your article made me feel like there is something wrong with me cause i dont want anything to do with my abusive ex.
Karolina, your reasons for dumping your Ex are justified and are what anyone with a healthy self-preserving impulse would do. I would add that if we think in terms of the way most people function out there in the world, your case is one of the more exceptional ones. Those who dump and especially those who dump compulsively probably embody the six reasons listed here with surprising consistency.
I would also gently remind you that you are not immune to the shortcomings of the article’s ‘dumper’ either. If you were to find yourself in a relationship context other than the one you mentioned, you may discover that you in fact resemble the dumper too. We all need to work on ourselves in strategic areas and all of us have some capacity to be the dumper in need of self-reflection and growth. It is how we respond when things actually get tough in our relationships (assuming some degree of normalcy), which ultimately defines us.
Such a nice an nice article!
Yeah, I agree that they could never come back or you could have a small chance but that could be just used for apologize and move on.
After no contact, they could back to talk, but it’s not like before, it’s more like a peace flag.
Hey Zan,
Iâve been following the indefinite no contact and recently my ex send me a text message apologizing about breaking up with me we talked about it but she has talked about what she wants us to be ? It just puts me down idk where to go from here
She lags and takes like 2 days to replies it sucks itâs like did us not talking for 2 months had no effect?
I do obviously wanna be with her but I know I canât force anything
Suggestions on how I should handle this ?
Hello everyone,
I’ve posted before but not in awhile. Was married for 12 years, together 15. In middle of difficult complicated divorce.. My husband came home one day a year ago and said was going to hotel then got an apartment. Pretended like he was working on the relationship, we were going to couples counseling all the while he was setting up his single life and dating others. He has addictions alcohol, gambling and women. I was bamboozled to say the least. I spent time energy and effort taking hard look at myself and making changes too. It just didn’t matter.. I just got the memo a bit too late as to what his intent really was.. Trying to work on a relationship by yourself is like trying to clap w one hand
Doesn’t work.
My best advice is this if someone wants to walk out of your life let them go. Its just that simple.. let them go. Let them go, let them go. Let them go.
The right person who is emotionally mature and self aware will not leave. It’s the most difficult thing I’ve ever done, but why on Earth would I want to be w someone who doesn’t want to be with me. Life is short there are billions of people on the planet who are not self absorbed and actually care how they treat others. Do not settle for anything else. Stay busy, but take time to reflect, love yourself and surround yourself by others who love you and lift you. It’s normal to feel depressed and sad but don’t stay there too long. I now have great days and some bad moments which I can pull myself out of quicker. Get professional help if you need to, but don’t let this situation or anyone else define your self worth. Do not give someone that power over you. You can choose what thoughts you have. No contact is key to moving forward. No pleading negotiating ruminating over it. The things I know today sure would have helped me a year ago for sure, but I had to go thru it. And learn to value and prioritize myself.
And let me just say did my ex notice or has he noticed I no longer prioritize him over me after I cut contact. Oh you bet he has. However I have moved on. I hope he gets the help he needs and now reflects on what he has become. And even tho I wish him well.. I hope he has some pain and knows what he lost. Maybe he will maybe he won’t.
Be good to yourselves and love will find you again.
Through pain comes power I read somewhere. I believe this to be true. Sincerely, Hadley
Hey Zan,
My ex finally reached out and apologized for every single thing after Iâve done no contact but now that weâve gotten there sheâs never talked about what she wants us to be so Iâm kinda stuck on what to go on from here?
She defiantly lags on me a day or 2 and it just puts me down since we havenât talked for 2 months she makes it seem like sheâs totally fine.
Any suggestions on how I should go about it?
I wonder if she comes back. She said she didnt feel it anymore and broke up after a while. It hurt me so much and I have been through the worst period of my life. But I reflected a lot and think it made me better in so many waysz We have always been nice to each other during and after the break up. And now half a year after she broke up with me we are texting regulary as ÂŤfriendsÂť and have even met once. She is a sweet girl and I really wonder if she might want to try again in the future even though she is over me and trying to date others.
Hi Greg.
Your ex is thinking about other things/people right now. It’s best that you do as well. You have to self-prioritize and if it hurts talking to your ex, cease all contact as well.
Stay strong,
Zan
Great article, Zan. My ex broke up with me after her brother and I got into a serious argument during a family get together. During that conversation, I learned that she had been feeding his mind with a ton of negative, biased information over the course of two years. Instead of thinking our issues out and making rational judgements, she painted a very dark image to him and who knows who else. Of course, she rarely shared the good stuff. I went into no contact with her for three months. Over that time, I worked hard on myself because no matter what her involvement was, I was responsible for my side of things. A buddy recently found her on a dating site. I had been hoping and waiting for her to come back around, be mature and recognize any of her involvement but I guess that didn’t happen. I just did a no no and broke no contact by sending her an email. I didn’t beg, plead, or anything like that. I simply asked how she was and let her know about what I was working on. I told her I didn’t have any bad feelings anymore and that I was moving forward. I guess it was more of a closure letter. Either way, it takes two people who are mature and working to improve to survive any relationship. I won’t reach out again, I just need to completely heal and look forward to sharing my better self with the next.
Hi John.
Great job on getting this far. Now that you’ve let your ex know that you’re moving on, it needs to be your ex who puts the work in. Judging by her actions, she probably won’t bring up getting back together any time soon. If she does, it will probably be after she’s dated someone else and realized that what she had with you was meaningful.
Best,
Zan
This article should be pinned to the top of your website with flashing lights, Zan! It should be the first thing anyone coming here sees. 10000% spot on and I can relate to all of it. Most exes never come back precisely for all the reasons you mention – or as I like to sum it up as – because they’re for the streets (damaged goods).
When my ex of 10 years lied and cheated during the last year because I moved overseas to start a new business (even though we would travel regularly to minimize the distance). I was genuinely hurt because she had absolutely no valid excuse to destroy what we had built. Her main excuse revolved around not having discussing my move abroad in depth with her which soon turned into a thousand other bullshit excuses about me. Of course you can’t forget about the rubbish tweeting in her ears all day long (i.e. jealous friends, family, etc). But, as time went on, I found out what she had actually done (gone back to a pathetic ex of 25 years ago that she also cheated on), and I quickly realized that I was in love with the person she pretended to be – nothing more. So to make getting over the breakup easier, I painted her as a public toilet in my head. We all know what goes through a public toilet and this way, it wasn’t hard at all to never acknowledge that filth again. You have to be an utter moron to take a cheater back and people will lose respect for and talk about you behind your back – no matter what they tell you.
Lastly, for anyone wondering about age – it makes no difference. My ex is a divorced 46 year old. 18 or 60 – If you’re damaged and emotionally immature – you will remain like that for the rest of your life unless you make a conscious effort to grow up. Unfortunately, most people don’t – and that’s the sad reality as to why exes never come back. The good news is that people like this tend to remain miserable for the rest of their lives even as they prance around with a smile on their face. Every night they go to sleep, they are reminded of the sad reality they find themselves in. It’s almost inevitable.
The best revenge is to move on and upgrade your life in every damn way. Forget about your ex and get excited about meeting the next hot thing to come your way when you least expect it and remember, most women don’t care about your struggles – they wait at the finish line and pick the winner. So be that winner, and make sure that any woman you decide to be with going forward, is nothing more than a compliment to your life – never ever the main focus. No one is worth that much except the champ staring back at you in the mirror! đ
“The best revenge is to move on and upgrade your life in every damn way” = this is exactly what I did and my Ex who left me hates me now even more…
Those thoughts are usually in your head and not reflective of what is really going on or how she really is feeling. Most people don’t leave for someone better – they leave for someone easier and often lower value than themselves. Focus on yourself and you’ll see – you’ll wake up one day and kick yourself for having wasted one thought on her.
You’re right, Milan. But you can’t blame yourself for your ex’s envy.
Best,
Zan
Hi zan,
I want my ex back so bad But I don’t think that he will come back after all.
I lied about my past because I was afraid that he won’t like the truth as it is and when he knew about it by himself I told him everything I hided, I begged for another chance and promised that I won’t lie or hide again and that I’ve changed Im not that person in the past, it took him time to forgive me and trust me again we didn’t talk for a while, he disapeared for 2 days. and I was so hurt and afraid that he won’t forgive me again cuz he dissapeard and I thought that he left and I was trying to know how to be back.
While he’s gone I talked about it to my 2 best friends cuz I really needed someone to talk to and to help me and tell me if he ever gonna come back.
And I asked my xx if someone asked him about me because I wanted to know how my boyfriend knew about it, he answerd and said no one asked.
Then he asked why am I asking and what happend, so my emotions blew up and told him (my xx) everything happend, told him things about my boyfriend, and I asked “do u think he will ever forgive me and come back” I was trying to know so I told him alot. Later then I told my xx that I won’t talk to you anymore and goodbye and thank you for listening, and didn’t talk to him again.
Same day my boyfriend (ex now) came back and gave me my last chance to not lie or hide again and build the trust I broke.he said if he ever knew Im hiding again he won’t forgive me. I got scared and worried more because we are back as ‘friends’ and I was afraid that he won’t love me ever again. After few days we aare back together again and we were so happy.
10 days passed and I forgot to tell him that I talked about him to my xx, I saved a screenshot that day to tell him when we get back, but I forgot, I was forgetting alot those days ig its because of the anexity . And I remmembered while Im scrolling in my screenshots and when I saw it I told him everything even if I was late, I could hide forever but I choosed to not because I promised I won’t hide again.
He got mad and got the idea of me that I’ll never change and I’ll always hide and lie no matter how many chances I get. I really didn’t want to hide and I told him as soon as I remmembered. But I was too late and he said that he can’t trust me ever again.
I told him that I’ll wait for him even for years because I really love him and I won’t lie again.
He loves me too, but can’t trust me anymore, as this case Ig he sees himself the victim, he beliefs that I’ll never change and will always stay the same, lying and hiding. I hope that someday we get back again, yes I lied alot about the past, but I didn’t lie anymore. And after every heart break we be a better version of ourselves, which means changing.
Do u think that there is a chance for us getting back together?
Zan I enjoyed his new article of yours so much itâs exactly what I needed to hear!
I think that my ex will not come back without reflection and he usually think that he is right!
And he created self-destructive feelings that he developed… that canât change if he doesnât want to.
He basically attach so many negative thoughts and traits for me as a person, so basically he turn their me into a person they he wants to be. And I saw it for some weeks or letâs say months before breakup so he has and stay closed-minded.
Thank you for making me understanding about this even more and for being realistic about it because as fair we become during the NC the better the process goes.
â¤ď¸
Thanks for reading, Linda!
Yes, your ex attached some negative characteristics to you that the thought of you began to repulse him.
Stay healthy!
Zan
[QUOTE] Nothing significant changes within them, so they just move on to their next relationship, thinking that ârelationships shouldnât be that hard.â [/QUOTE]
Man, that is 100000% true. Guess I should have seen it coming when she was trash talking about her ex during our relationship.
I wonder what do you mean by trashtalking? Unnecessarily mean things or plain simply just complaining? I can’t believe I would ever reach a point where I don’t say anything bad about my ex. I was constantly wasting my time and energy for her whenever she needed me and in return she dumped me when I got depressed, lost my job and didn’t care if I would have to move back with my parents in another city. Yeah, I can’t expect someone to stay with me when I’m so low and negative. But I’ve been depressed for a long time prior this and still wasted a great deal of time and energy. Both of which could’ve been spent on myself and my mental health. Or even if I did spend it on her, she could’ve tried to repay it by validating my problems and soothing my anxiety. She didn’t do that. Not everyone’s an innate psychologist, I get that. But… did she have to start dating one of my best friends behind my back? She didn’t even break up with me, just took advantage of the fact that I actually obeyed the request of the healthcare to stay at home during covid. She was dating that bastard for a month when HE told me over the phone. Even after that she refused to admit she cheated on me. She refused to meet me in person. Then suddenly turned cold and furious towards me as I demanded an explanation. Am I really not allowed to trashtalk her? I think I will will trashtalk her for the rest of my life and she will absolutely deserve it and I don’t think that would make me someone who believes relationships are easy. I don’t buy the stories about effortless relationships, so I don’t think my relationship was hard because of her and only her.
Hi Panda. Trash-talking an ex can be a huge red flag. I hope you feel better.
Zan