It’s not unusual for an ex to start dating right away. And the reason for that is very simple. More often than not, dumpers emotionally detach long before they actually break up with their dumpees.
Oftentimes, they leave for someone elseāand other times, they immediately download a dating app with the intention to connect with thousands of nearby singles.
Although dumpers are technically “allowed” to do what they want after the breakup, it’s still incredibly disrespectful toward the grieving dumpees.
This is especially true if the couple’s relationship was long-term and the dumpee is struggling to pull himself or herself together.
It’s unfortunate that most breakups are highly stressful and can feel unbelievably damaging to one’s well-being. That’s why the majority of dumpees could use a lot of love and support after such a difficult personal trial.
But instead of offering support, most dumpers give their dumpees their absolute worst just to show them how “messed up” they are. Furthermore, they indirectly show their dumpees how “easily replaceable” they areāand how little their love actually mattered.
Their actions also tell their dumpees that they aren’t grieving over the relationship one bit and that they are doing just fine without them.
So while dumpers are out partying, dating, and having the time of their lives, dumpees are shutting themselves in and mourning over their “loss.”
This article is for all the dumpees who are in disbelief that their ex is on Tinder and other dating apps and websites right after the breakup.
My ex went on Tinder right after the breakup
If your ex went on Tinder right after the breakup, you can expect your ex to get involved with someone new relatively quickly. That’s the point of signing up for Tinder, after all.
It’s really no mystery that your ex intends to meet someone new as soon as possible and jump from one person to the next.
But little does your ex know that although it might be easy to find someone to replace your spot, your ex will still have to face many difficulties that come with a new relationship.
Your ex will first have to get to know a few people, discern if they are compatible and get along with each other, and finally put in a lot of effort to make it work.
And that’s something that could take a long time. Your ex already feels exhausted from your relationship, so dating another person right away might not be the best idea.
It might give your ex some initial hope that someone is showing an interest in him or her, but apart from the attraction, there are many factors that could affect your ex’s Tinder date.
Your ex will first have to go through all the dating phases before he or she decides whether to pursue or abandon the relationship.
This means that your ex will have to date and probably even sleep with some people before he or she comes to that conclusion. Your ex might have to date one person or perhaps many people. Nobody really knows.
But no matter what happens, you should never wait for your ex to have an epiphany and come back to you. You really can’t wait as long as your ex is on Tinder and various dating apps, playing around with other people.
I saw my ex on a dating site!
If you saw your ex on a dating site, whatever you do, don’t cause havoc.
Your ex can and will do whatever he or she wants. That’s why you shouldn’t interfere with his or her free will no matter how good your intentions are.
Keep in mind that your ex will likely date the first person who shows interest. So try to become okay with your ex dating someone else even if it’s the last thing you want right now.
Whether it’s online or offline, your ex will eventually meet someone new and try to build a relationship with that person.
That’s why you must prepare yourself in advance so that you don’t experience a huge emotional setback when you see your ex with someone else.
I know it’s shocking to find your ex on a dating site shortly after the breakup when you’re still terribly heartbroken. I also know it’s ego-shattering and self-esteem breaking to the point where a lot of people become severely depressed.
Honestly, I wish I had a magic potion to solve their worries, but the best possible advice I can give to any dumpee is to avoid seeing their dumper ex on Facebook, Instagram, and even Tinder.
Every dumpee can do this by deleting his or her profile or by unfollowing the dumper on all social media platforms. But a lot of dumpees are too afraid to do that because they still think their ex will come back.
That’s why I’m here to tell you that saving sentimental reminders of the past is completely pointless as your ex is no longer a part of your present.
As long as your ex is running wild on Tinder and other dating platforms, you should get rid of gifts and everything associated with your ex.
Why is my ex on a dating site already?
In all honesty, it’s almost too common for an ex-partner to sign up for a dating website.
Many dumpers emotionally check out of the relationship weeks or months prior to the breakup, so creating a new dating profile is very easy for them.
This implies that your ex was more likely than not ready to meet someone new a long time ago when you were still officially in a relationship with him or her. You just didn’t know about it.
Maybe your ex went on Tinder even before the actual breakup. Nobody really knows.
But the truth is that your ex would have done it sooner, had he or she known your relationship was going to end.
Your ex went on Tinder out of desperation
You must understand that your ex had lost his or her internal battle to fight for the relationship long ago and that he or she was waiting for one last push.
This final push eventually came and that was it for the relationship. No more arguments, anxiety, stress, or tears. The battle was finally over for your ex.
As a result of a long exhausting battle, your ex’s fury took care of the rest. And that’s why your ex abruptly thought to himself or herself “Oh well… onto the next one.“
Since you ex felt like the victim, he or she avoided taking responsibility and assumed that someone else will be able to replace your spot.
Not only did your ex think that someone else will quickly satisfy his or her emotional needs, but your ex also believed that a new person will do better.
Dumping you just to get together with a downgrade wouldn’t work, after all. That’s why your ex is signing up on a dating website to meet someone better, prettier, more reliable, smarter, and a more self-aware you 2.0.
I’m worried my ex will meet someone new
I know you’re probably scared your ex will meet someone new and live the perfect fairy-tale ever after. But that’s something you should never, ever worry about. Your ex is no longer a part of your life, after all.
Your ex signed up for Tinder, POF, and other dating websites because he or she wants to meet other people. And that’s precisely why you have no choice but to stop worrying about what your ex thinks and does in his or her spare time.
As long as your ex isn’t with you, he or she doesn’t care enough about you. Moreover, your ex isn’t just pretending to be over you or playing some silly mind games with you.
Your ex just feels so tired from your relationship that he or she wants to give Tinder and other dating websites a try. And that’s something you have no control over.
You must remember that it’s your ex who decides what he or she does and who he or she dates.
Even if your ex told you that he or she “just wants to be single for a while,” your ex’s words were still just an excuse to eventually date someone else.
So do your best not to collect information about your ex for no apparent reason. If you do, you will only overburden yourself with unnecessary worries and anxiety.
What to say to an ex on tinder?
As long as you don’t message your ex first and call him or her out, you are going to be just fine.
That’s why my personal suggestion is to do nothing and just say no to his or her match. In this way, you won’t notify your ex that you’re on the same dating app/website, and you will both peacefully continue to browse.
If you lose your temper, on the other hand, and try to convince your ex to change his or her mind, you will probably push your ex away. And that’s not something you want to do.
So if you’re wondering what to say to your ex on Tinder, just say nothing. It’s your safest move.
Why did my ex match me on Tinder?
If your ex matched you on Tinder and you’re wondering why he or she did that, the most reasonable explanation is that your ex wants you to know that he or she is on Tinder as well.
Your ex is probably trying to tell you that he or she doesn’t mind that you’re on Tinder looking for someone.
Also, your ex may also have matched you on Tinder completely randomly. Some people just mash the “like” button mindlesslyāso there’s also that possibility.
What do I do now that my ex is on Tinder?
While you’re mourning over the end of your relationship, bettering yourself, and hoping to get a second chance, your ex is already making plans and arrangements with random people that he or she doesn’t even know.
The thought of that can be truly frightening and incredibly heart-breaking.
Not you, nor anybody else deserves such belittlement and disrespect. Especially not someone who stayed by the dumper’s side until the very end.
But even if your ex humiliated you, you don’t need to block your ex on Tinder or on other dating websites just to get even.
Alternatively, just leave your ex alone, and show him or her that you’re not holding any grudges.
This is especially true if you just broke up and he/she is already on Tinder. There is simply no need for you to act.
Firstly, your ex doesn’t want you to throw a tantrum and cause a scene. And secondly, it won’t achieve anything positive. It will likely only start an argument which you would soon regret.
That’s why you should make 2 important arrangements that would stop you from annoying your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend on Tinder or anywhere online.
The first one is to start following the indefinite no contact rule down to the T.
As for the second one, you should start working on your own well-being so that your ex’s actions don’t hurt you anymore.
It’s not you, it’s your ex
If you saw your ex on Tinder or on any other dating app, you should not question your own worthābut rather your ex’s commitment.
Many times, the real issues aren’t with the dumpees. They often revolve around the dumpers’ perception and their understanding of the relationship.
So don’t blame yourself that your ex is already on Tinder and on similar dating platforms. It’s really not your fault.
Instead, look at your ex as someone who’s desperate for attention and leave it at that.
The “My ex will be happier with someone else than he/she was with me” fear
First of all, your ex probably won’t meet the love of his/her life that quickly as your ex hasn’t dealt with his or her own issues yet. Instead of working on becoming the best version your ex could possibly be, he or she instead looked for a reboundāa quick fix.
And that’s exactly the kind of quick fix that Tinder and similar dating websites provide.
They are essentially the places where broken-hearted, ego-starved, and desperate people gather. That’s why the success rate of your ex meeting a person with genuine intentions is quite low. It’s not impossibleābut predominantly inconceivable.
Secondly, your ex is likely in no mental state to develop a high-quality relationship. His or her relationship had just ended, so what are the odds of giving it his or her best so soon?
And thirdly, even if your ex is merely looking for fun on such promiscuous, non-selective apps and websites, your ex is merely looking for someone to raise his or her egoāwhich would ultimately empower him or her.
Your ex may not be after the emotional fulfillment of an intimate relationship, but he or she may nonetheless crave the sexual aspect of the relationship.
This means that your ex could be looking for someone on various dating websites for all the wrong reasons. Tinder, Match, Bumble, Lumen, EliteSingles, OkCupid, POF, Badoo, and Zoosk are just a few dating platforms on which your ex may desperately search for someone right after the breakup.
But just because your ex is looking for someone, doesn’t imply that your ex’s future relationship is going to be any better than yours.
It can’t be as long as your ex is blaming you and indirectly refusing to improve his or her shortcomings.
Your ex is on a dating website to reap the benefits of a romantic/sexual relationship
Let’s face it. Everyone has the right to find someone with whom they get along with. Just how you deserve to live a happy, healthy, and prosperous life, so does your ex.
But when your ex creates a dating profile literally the moment you get broken up with, that’s a completely different story.
Whether your ex was your boyfriend or girlfriend doesn’t make a difference. Both genders are human beings with emotionsāand we all deserve a ton of respect for staying with our partner until the very end.
Provided we were loyal and committed until the relationship came to an end, we deserve everything and much more.
And that, unfortunately, is something dumpers can’t seem to understand. They are so bitter from the relationship that they don’t care what they say and doāeven if it hurts us badly.
They can’t care enough to go easy on us so long as they believe that they have had it difficult throughout the relationship.
That’s why they usually label themselves as victims and publicly protest against us as if we were the ones who broke up with them.
Breakups help us take off our rose-tinted glasses
Due to the breakup, our feelings toward the dumper are incredibly intensified. Suddenly, we don’t just want the dumper, but we feel as we definitely need him or her.
That’s why dumpers should be even kinder, more respectful and understanding toward us.
But instead, what we usually get is just the opposite. We get an angry and disrespectful ex who cares about no one but himself or herself.
It’s truly a shame we sometimes have to witness such self-centered behavior from a person we love or used to love. But on the positive note, at least we finally get to meet our ex at his or her worst.
Just imagine for one second what it would be like if you faced your ex’s true personality before you got romantically involved with him or her.
Something tells me your ex wouldn’t impress you one bit, hence why your relationship wouldn’t last very long.
Did your ex go on Tinder right after the breakup? What do you think about your ex looking for someone else not even a week after? Write your thoughts in the comments section below.
Hi my ex broke up with me after being together 2 1/2 months. Everything was great in the beginning. He introduced to most of his family and we got along. Until he asked for space after being together for almost 2 months. I tried my best with giving him space. But then 3 weeks later he breaks up with me and tells me he is not ready for a serious relationship and was scared when I asked if he wanted kids someday. I am still miserable and canāt seem to move past it. I made the mistake asking him for closure 3 weeks after the break up then telling him to ignore it. He replied after that with āItās okay! No worries! Youāre fine!ā I even texted him to see how he has been and if we could talk sometime. Though he has not answered and feel like such a screw up. He started on the dating websites after about 2 months since the breakup. I literally donāt know what to do anymore.
Hi Samantha.
Don’t blame yourself for his unreadiness for the relationship. You had every right to ask serious questions. That’s the point of dating. If he couldn’t handle those questions, it’s not your problem. He should have been honest with you from the beginning.
The fact that he’s dating already shows he’s got no respect for you and only wants what’s best for you.
Best wishes,
Zan
We had an argument, and he called all his friends to pack his stuff into a U-Haul promised me he would call me and come back home after a few days and then blocked me, and then unblocked me, broke up with me through text after telling me how terrible I was and then blocked me again and without telling me he terminated the lease on our apartment that weāre both on together and turned off the utilities he also took our bed and all of our cooking supplies or TV stand or tables, and left me with nothing but a couch. He keeps telling me I am awful but he also loves me and misses me, but doesnāt think itās the right thing to get back together because his parents and therapist and friends and family tell him not to. We were supposed to get married this year and not even two weeks after he sent the break up text he is on dating apps.
Hi Valencia.
He’s resentful. I’m surprised he still tells you he loves you. That’s probably just his guilt. I encourage you to stay away from him (go no contact) and let him see you’re not open to friendship. He packed his things, so treat the breakup as final.
Best,
Zan
I love when they share your photos on these dating sites, then lie to the new girls and say those cookies they made were for their mother, not their ex. Why post cookies they made for me on their dating site to act as if they are this sweet mamaās boy? Wtf? Once I heard about that from a friendās friend, I knew going back to my husband was right. Canāt imagine a future with a complete psychopath. Then he continued to reach out to my friends to gather info on me. Then he vasked out his ex girlfriendās/my bffās sister/ my friend! Total lowest of the lowest class ever! Talk about desperate! š¤£š¤¦āāļøš¤·āāļø Just thankful I realized who he was before devoting my life to him, like he insisted. Heās probably reading this now, because he wishes he didnāt mess up, but he did. People donāt change. You are the same ass you were in high school. You deserve low class like you. Sorry, but true.
Hi Shannylou.
It looks like you’ve dodged a bullet. Just make sure not to react strongly to the things he does. Don’t let him bring out the worst in you.
Sincerely,
Zan
Great Article,
It’s helped me put things in perspective a bit.
My wife and I have been seperated for over 2 years but still lived in the same house due to it being a military quarter (working at a base Mon-Fri and seeing my kids on the weekends). We have not been intimate in nearly 3 yrs and also been married for 16 years. I was constantly knocked back, blamed emotions, tiredness, you name it. She didn’t work and home schooled our 9 yr old and 3 yr old which I was happy for. I tried and wanted to be a couple with her so much. I fancied her and just wanted some form of affection in return. She would never go out with me, make time for each other or have drinks etc – we literally lived seperate lives…I have financially supported her for over 10 yrs, for her intention of home schooling.
After 2 years of nothing, I met an absolutely amazing woman and have been seeing her for about a year now – she makes me very happy. The Ex found out about her (I was still paying for the house, car, finances, everything due to being in a military house) and immediately, she made a tinder account and is wanting to go on dates asking me to have the kids in the house we share whilst she goes on these dates. I know she has every right to be happy and have someone in her life that can do that for her. I cant help kick the idea that I was used a bit for financial means š
I know I shouldn’t have an issue because I’ve moved on (and for a year!) But I’m struggling with my emotions of an ex who I loved dearly and mother of my kids, going on tinder, doing all the things I wanted to do for years with her. Now its over and she’s going on Tinder etc, its difficult and I find myself looking through rose tinted glasses when I think of the relationship. She said that finding out about my GF has given her the kick up the arse to let it all go and move on. She’s an amazing mother and deserves all the happiness in the world – I’m just struggling.
Great article though and thanks, would like to hear your thoughts Zan.
Hi Jez.
It seems that your ex got her ego crushed and wanted to be loved just like you. But the reason she stayed with you all these years was that she got comfortable and liked feeling secure and cared for despite not having feelings for you. I wouldn’t say she used you but that she stayed as long as doing so felt right to her.
Kind regards,
Zan
I was with my ex for a while, everything seemed absolutely great. We got along so well, hardly argued with one another. He was my best friend, and someone I felt like I’ve known forever. So it seemed.
We recently broke up a week and now almost 3 days ago. I wish I waited longer or not at all for closure, but he was reluctant to come over just 3 days after he broke up with me to talk about it. He told me that he felt overwhelmed, that he wasn’t ready for a relationship and wanted to end things. He said it wasn’t me but it was him. Then kinda controdicted himself a little but by saying that after our last night, it made him rethink things. (I don’t recall what was even said since alcohol was involved) and I regret even asking him what was said during the fight. Regardless, he said that even if it didn’t seem like it bothered me as much, it was bothering him so much. But never thought to communicate that to me. Then said I needed to work on my own self as well.
I felt so betrayed by him. Because I asked him about the relationship few days prior about how he felt about it. If it needed improvement or some space and he said that everything was great and that he was really happy. He never told me the truth he just pastured it with a lie to make seem like everything was okay. I told him how I felt, even where I thought he was wrong for breaking up with me via text. He did however looked genuinely upset and we both had a hard time trying to communicate all of it to one another, trembling words as much as the body was. It hurt so bad. I gave a hint in regards if he would ever consider fixing it later on, and he neither said yes or no.
A week passes and a friend reaches out to me, and shows me a screenshot of my ex back on pof. I’m gutted, but not surprised. I don’t know what any of this means, it gives me alot of uncertainty. But such is life. I just have to move on even if it hurts.
I am going through this exact thing right now and it is extremely painful. What have you done to help move forward ? Has anything changed for you?
Hi Blanket.
Your ex meant that he wasn’t ready for a relationship with you. He’s perfectly capable of connecting with other people as he’s detached. You should tell your friends not to update you on his life and stay in no contact permanently.
Best regards,
Zan
I just got out of a 4 year relationship with a bipolar man. He is 37 and I am turning 50 next month. He broke up with me out of the blue stating one of the reasons was “I got old” and another one was he doesn’t want to be with someone who “challenges” him so much. He immediately went on Tinder and Bumble using all pictures I took of him/us over this past summer. Such a slap in the face. He is an self-medicated bipolar whom I’ve stood by through some really difficult manic and depressive episodes. When he gets manic he’s a real jerk and sometimes verbally abusive. I would go through periods of him constantly criticizing me, calling me names, ghosting or ignoring me for no reason. He’s extremely OCD and thinks he is right about EVERYTHING. He would often come to my house and start re-arranging furniture the way he thought it was best and not what I wanted. If I contracted otherwise he threw a fit. In his Bumble profile he writes, “my quirks are endearing”. Trust me honey….theyre not….
Hi Michelle.
You’re hurting right now because everything is still so fresh to you, but when you get a better perspective on the relationship, you’ll see that him leaving was a blessing in disguise. It was something you badly needed to be happy and find someone who respects you and doesn’t say hurtful things.
Give it some time and you’ll get over him, Michelle!
Zan
I’ve been heartbroken after breaking up with my ex 2 months ago. When we broke up, there were issues that I wanted to work through but he just wanted to end things. And I’ve been crushed. I have done no contact with him.and deleted him from social media. I was sad, I assumed he was hurting from.the split too. We were super affectionate for the 2 years we were together and I thought really in love. Then a friend sends me a couple screenshots from Facebook. One is a photo his new gf posted on social media a couple of weeks ago -set to public – of them looking ecstatically happy together. That hurt. but we did break up a couple of months ago. Still disrespectful in my opinion to set that to public – who are you showing off to??? But if you go to her wall she added a life event that says their relationship started 2 days after he and I broke up. Wtf? I messaged him and asked him if he had someone lined up and ready to go, or if he had cheated on me, and if they had sex in his bed while my stuff was still in his house – like my pillow on his bed. Ugh it’s so gross. He said he went online dating the weekend after we broke up (startung the date she posted) and met her in person 2 weeks later. I believe him because hes not a liar and I cant bear to believe otherwise. Bt why would she set the date like that? And also make it public? It seems so sketchy and disrespectful. And it really doesn’t name her look good either – a rebound relationship or a cheatee! And now I feel like I meant so little to him, he could replace me just like that. And now everyone knows he wasn’t really in the relationship. š I’m heartbroken all over again. and I still find myself thinking about him as if we are still together and fantasizing about him – I catch my thoughts and correct them, and tell myself that it’s over! Hes with someone else! Let it go! It’s hard.
Hi! I actually havenāt seen my ex boyfriend on tinder yet. Iām obviously on tinder to get over him as he broke up with me because of his mum. Heās a mummyās boy and listens to everything she says. Itās been 5 months and Iāve been expecting to see him on there but havenāt. My friend who is actually dating my exes best friend said that apparently when the guys told my ex that I was on tinder he replied with āme tooā but have never seen him on there . What does this mean??
Thanks
My ex got on tinder literally an hour after breaking up with me (with no warning). She sees nothing wrong with this, as Iām dealing with heavy bouts of depression, abandonment and mental health issues because Iām so torn over the breakup. But she simply stated that sex and her issues are above me. Which is very hard to hear as she was my first love and first time. I pleaded for a second chance and she said there was no hope in the near future for one.
I donāt know how or when Iāll get over her. There are many toxic signs that are coming into play but I canāt help but miss her. Getting dumped on your birthday stinks :ā)
Hey dia,
its been 5 months and I was wondering how you are feeling now?
My ex bf broke up with me during corona when we weren’t able to see each other and now we are back in the same city and he apparently does not give 1 f***
We had a very strong bond when together (in person) and when we saw each other to “break up” he was very cold, did not care at all and 1 week later a friend of mine saw him on tinder…
So yeah I am suffering A LOT (its been over a month since then) and i was wondering what your emotions towards your ex are now and if she has reached out?
Well, It’s kind of different my comment because, my 1 week-long ex just got on Tinder, my best friend found out about it, I told him and he has now been really anxious about if I’ll ever talk to him again, if I’ll be for him when he needs me, or if I’ll change being a sweet person around him. Then he somehow blames me and says that we’re no longer together (even if I didn’t react or say anything to him about being on tinder, I just acknowledge it) si that he can go and be with another person. IS he maybe trying to pull me back but at the same time be with somebody else?
Hey Zan,
My girlfriend is on tinder but on other social media she keeps all of our photos and memories. What does that mean? Why is she not deleting any memory of me when she says she doesn’t love me anymore?
Hi Zan,
My ex used photos of a holiday a couple months before we broke up that I organised and paid for on her tinder. How doesn’t she realise this is wrong?
Hi shindig.
It’s morally wrong for her to do that.
I suppose she doesn’t care enough to associate you with her new Tinder profile.
Best,
Zan
Will it make a difference if the dumpee (and not the dumper) was the one that gets on Tinder? Will it kill any chances of reconciliation the dumpee has with the dumpee?
Hi sadandforlorned.
It shouldn’t make a difference if your ex finds out. Your relationship has ended.
Kind regards,
Zan