Is It Ok To Take A Break From A Relationship?

Sometimes couples avoid dealing with relationship problems by taking a break from them. They don’t have the knowledge, skills, energy, care, or willpower to do what successful couples do, which is to sit down and figure out why they feel demotivated, detached, and unhappy with each other.

All they know is that something isn’t going the way they want it to go and that it’s time for them to do something about it. That something is taking “a break” from each other and waiting for things to get better on their own. A break essentially means not working on their differences and focusing on fulfilling their emotional needs.

They just want to direct their conscious attention on themselves because doing so gives their exhausted mentality a break and promotes their happiness and well-being.

The truth is that couples who are ready to take breaks in a relationship aren’t afraid of breaking up. They’re convinced that leaving the relationship makes some of their issues disappear and helps them not think about them. That’s why they hurriedly propose taking a break from each other and doing their own things.

Most of the time, couples don’t mutually agree that a break is what they want or need. Usually, only one person suggests a break whereas the other struggles to accept it. Deep inside the person hit with the break proposal fears that the relationship may end for good and that he or she would have to detach and move on.

But because a break sounds better than a breakup, the poor man or woman accepts the break anyway and patiently waits for the person in control to change his or her mind. Needless to say, that person seldom comes back.

There’s just no need for him or her to do that because leaving the relationship gives the exhausted person a sense of relief and satisfaction. It feels better to be single or with someone else than to stay in a relationship in which his or her partner triggers smothering or repulsing feelings.

So why do people then say things like, “It’s just a break, let’s take a break, we just need some time away from each other?”

People say these infamous lines because they want to break up but lack the guts to express themselves honestly and directly. They fear that by telling the truth, they would shock the person they’re leaving and bring a bad reaction out of him or her. That bad reaction would then make them feel guilty and force a sense of responsibility on them.

And that’s something they don’t want. They’d rather tell a breakup excuse and avoid dealing with an uncomfortable situation than stay emotionally and physically close to their partner and stay unhappy.

So is it okay to take a break from a relationship? Absolutely not! There are no such things as breaks, pauses, and temporary separations. There are only relationships and breakups. It’s that black or white. You’re either with someone you love or you aren’t ready for a/that relationship and/or aren’t in love.

Bear in mind that if you still have feelings for a person, taking a break is not okay. The break is going to kill the remaining attraction and make you grow even more distant.

This article is for you if you’re wondering if it’s ok to take a break from a relationship.

Is it ok to take a break from a relationship?

Taking a break in a relationship is never a good idea. Not only does it create more distance between couples, but it also makes them ignore their incompatibility issues and personal issues. Sure, the distance instantly makes them feel better, but that’s not going to solve anything.

Couples need to learn how to resolve their differences and feel good around each other rather than feel good away from each other. Those who focus on making themselves feel better through the distance almost never return to their partners or ex-partners. They just don’t need to because they enjoy the way they feel and don’t want to stop feeling that way.

So if you’re considering “taking a break” from someone you’re with, be honest with yourself and the person you’re with. Admit that certain circumstances or issues are tempting you to separate from your partner and that the thought of separating is making you feel better than the fear of staying away from your partner.

You may think you just need a little bit of space before you’re back to normal, but the brain can’t tell between feeling good now and in the future. It just wants to make you feel good in the present moment. And when it accomplishes that, chances are it won’t risk being unhappy, smothered, repulsed, sad, depressed, or guilty, again.

This is why “taking a break” is so dangerous. Once you notice that you no longer feel the negative emotions you felt in the past and that you’re happy, you’ll not want to go back in time to be unhappy. You’ll want to keep moving forward with your life and continue being content on your own.

You should also respect your partner. He or she isn’t someone you can put on a break and then come back to when you feel like it. Relationships don’t work that way. You either stick with your partner and look for solutions together or you give up and work on yourself.

If you agree on a break and return to the relationship later, you’ll have done more damage to the relationship than you think. You’ll ruin one of the most important things a relationship has or needs to have, which is commitment.

When you return, you may feel okay for a little while. But when old and new issues occur, you’ll once again feel tempted to leave. Only this time, you won’t have to think twice before leaving.

Why is that?

It’s because every time you abandon a person, it gets much easier to leave. Leaving destroys relationship standards and makes it extremely hard to raise them. People who leave know that they can always leave again if things get uncomfortable, so that’s what they do.

They leave because leaving becomes an easy option.

The same goes for backup plans. When couples have other dating candidates lined up, they know they’ll be safe with or without their partners. This enables them to invest less in the relationship and more in whatever eases their worries and makes them happy.

That’s why you need to understand that relationships are extremely fragile and that if you leave once, you’re most likely going to leave again. Or if not you, your partner will because of the lack of safety you provide. So give your relationship your best and either work on the way you feel or don’t feel with your partner or gather the courage to break up with him or her.

Don’t confuse and string your partner along just because you’re afraid of being honest. Breakups can be difficult to initiate, I know. But your partner deserves honesty so he or she knows whether to stay in love and attached to you or to start letting go of you.

You can’t be selfish and let your partner wait. That would be extremely unfair.

Bear in mind that if you’re in a long-term relationship with your partner, you can fix most issues while you’re together. You can improve communication, maturity, goals and ambitions, wants and needs, and even the way you perceive each other and respond to problems and misunderstanding.

You don’t need to “take a break” to become more compatible with each other. Yes, the break or a breakup might hurt the dumpee and cause him or her to self-reflect and improve significantly, but if you need to hurt someone you love to prove a point and force him or her to grow, you probably shouldn’t be with that person.

Love is about communication and understanding. If you can’t make the relationship work that way, you’re probably not ready or right for each other. You have growing up to do and shouldn’t date anyone else until you do.

Look, sometimes one person is more clueless and at fault than the other, but this doesn’t matter because no two people are alike. The point is that you’re a couple – a duo and that duos work through problems together. It’s why they enter relationships.

Those who get into a romantic for selfish reasons such as envy, jealousy, boredom, depression, anxiety, or to take from their partner aren’t interested in working together. They just want what’s best for them and as a result, lose feelings when problems pile up.

And problems always arise. It’s how couples handle them that determines the success of their relationship.

So no, it’s not healthy, safe, or normal to take a break from a relationship. Breaks are as dangerous to the relationship as cheating, lying, and deceiving as they kill trust, faith, commitment, and plans for the future.

Here are 8 times you should not take a break from a relationship.

Instead of taking a break from the relationship, you should discern if you still love your partner and want to work on the relationship. By “work,” I mean that you should figure out if you want to resolve personality differences and invest your heart in your partner again.

That way, you can once again feel vulnerable around your partner and feel that losing him or her would be a big loss. If you have no fear of your partner moving on and/or finding someone else, you probably don’t love your partner. You’re okay with whatever happening and should terminate your relationship.

You should be honest and end things properly instead of saying it’s just a break and that you might get back together in the future.

Only cowards use that line (or similar lines). People who know what’s best for their partner deliver the bad news empathetically and offer to help their partner when he or she reaches out.

They, of course, have their own problems and need a lot of space to process the breakup, but they know that their partner will struggle more (especially if their partner was still attached and/or codependent).

When is it okay to take a break from a relationship?

Before you even consider getting a break from your partner, you should ask yourself who or what you want to take a break from. If it’s your partner because you find his or her actions or presence annoying, offensive, disgusting, overwhelming, stupid, or anything along those lines, you’re not thinking about taking a little break.

You’re planning on breaking up with your partner because you can’t stand being around him or her. You want a clean break because you, your partner, or both aren’t capable of working through your issues and improving your perceptions of each other.

It doesn’t matter if work is killing you or if you don’t have enough time for your friends. If you’re perceiving your partner in a bad way and associating unhealthy emotions with him or her, this is a big problem. You no longer see your partner the way you should and you need to figure out why.

But if you’re dealing with certain very specific circumstances and you don’t have a choice but to stay together because something or someone doesn’t allow you, then you may take a short break to figure out how you can solve your problems.

Keep in mind that we’re talking about situations most people don’t find themselves in.

Situations like:

• parents disapproving of relationships
• religious faiths or personal/cultural beliefs preventing couples from being together
• open relationships

Couples going abroad to study or work, for example, shouldn’t put a brake on their relationships. If they love each other, they must be grateful and stay together despite the physical distance. Some may disagree, but real love knows no boundaries and distance. Love goes beyond the physical touch and physical convenience.

The problem I see is that some couples don’t want a relationship that isn’t physical. They want something tangible otherwise they think their relationship is worth less than it is. This explains why so many couples cheat or break up when they don’t see each other often.

They don’t feel as content as they used to, so they ignore their loyalty, promises, and plans for the relationship and take a break a.k.a. break up. Some also ghost after a serious relationship and by doing so, avoid talking about the breakup and giving closure.

So if you’re set on telling your partner you’d like to take a break from the relationship, keep in mind that it’s ok to take a break only when you amicably agree on taking a break. If your partner still has feelings for you and disagrees or reluctantly agrees to take a break, your relationship can’t simply take a break.

Your partner would suffer a lot and stay hopeful that you’ll soon change your mind and come back. Such a relationship needs to end at all costs so you can both get what you want.

The only healthy break would be if for some reason you want to take a break so you can work on yourselves individually and then come back together stronger as a couple. But I have to tell you that I haven’t seen any breaks like that.

I’ve seen breakups where couples dated others for a while and then returned to give their relationship another go, but definitely not breaks during which they remained loyal to each other. If they didn’t date, it was by pure chance not by intention.

You need to be very careful about offering this type of break to your partner. If you say, “Let’s take a break to work on ourselves,” you need to actually work on yourselves. You need to update each other on progress and most importantly, agree on a date when you’re going to give the relationship another chance.

Without a date, your break would be a breakup and would serve no purpose. It’d just prolong the inevitable, which is an official breakup.

Do you think it’s ok to take a break from a relationship? Why do you think couples settle for breaks and not breakups? Share your thoughts below the post.

And if you or your partner are contemplating taking a break and you want our help, sign up for coaching with us here.