When your ex-girlfriend suddenly breaks up with you, you need to know that there are always two opposing perspectives to every story. There’s your perspective and your ex-girlfriend’s perspective.
From your perspective, the breakup feels sudden because you didn’t know what your ex-girlfriend was thinking and feeling. There was probably a lack of proper communication and understanding in the last few weeks before the breakup. But in your ex-girlfriend’s eyes, the relationship wasn’t making her happy, so she kept telling herself that the relationship wasn’t good and that she deserved better.
Because of such relationship-destructive thoughts, we can say that the breakup was anything but sudden for her. It was actually well-thought-out because your ex had pondered about it for a week or even longer before she finally brought up the wish to separate.
Yes, the breakup probably occurred after just a few noticeable warnings, but you need to keep in mind that just because your ex didn’t tell you she was planning on leaving, it doesn’t mean that she wasn’t thinking about it. The truth is that she had put a lot of thought into it otherwise she wouldn’t have fallen out of love and left.
Only a sociopath would leave you without a motive.
Look, it’s no secret that breakups happen for a reason. Everyone on the internet will tell you that. But sometimes we can’t see the reason (or reasons) behind the breakup because our partner decided not to share his or her thoughts and feelings with us. Our partner concealed his or her perceptions of the relationship because he or she associated the problems with us and lacked the energy, skills, and perseverance to deal with them.
That’s why we can confidently say that the breakup played out in your ex’s head way before she dumped the news on you. Your ex probably imagined leaving you many times before she finally pulled it off. You just didn’t know she did because she decided to keep it to herself.
At first, she merely wondered about what it’d be like if she were to leave the relationship. She wasn’t set on leaving. But as she kept thinking about it, she started to like the idea of breaking up and being alone. Because she liked it, she soon emotionally detached from you and started to plan her way out of the relationship.
All she needed at that detached point was to find or create an opportunity to leave. And eventually, she did. She found the opportunity she so badly searched for and left. That’s when she made it clear she doesn’t want to be with you and made you wonder why she’d break up with you out of nowhere without a warning.
I hope you see the differences in perspectives now. Your ex’s perceptions of the relationship were much different from yours. And because they were different (unhealthy), your ex couldn’t or didn’t want to work on them, attached negativity to your persona, and took the easy way out.
It’s what dumpers do when they feel overwhelmed in a relationship. They give up thinking it’s not their fault.
So if you’re wondering “Why did she break up with me so suddenly,” bear in mind that the breakup didn’t occur out of nowhere for no reason. Your ex-girlfriend had a good reason for leaving you. She only needed that reason to make her feel unhappy for a day or two so she could switch from the hot girlfriend who loved you to a cold girlfriend who couldn’t stand your presence.
In this post, we’ll answer the question, “Why did she break up with me so suddenly.” We’ll also point out a few signs about your relationship ending that you likely missed.
Why did she break up with me so suddenly?
Many guys seem to think that their girlfriend is loyal to them to death and that she’ll appear cold, angry, or unhappy for weeks or months before she’ll pull the plug on them. Guys think that a person who’s with them will gradually go through stages of detachment—and that they’ll be able to detect those stages and do something about them before their girlfriend leaves.
Unfortunately, though, this doesn’t happen very often. It tends to happen the most to couples who’ve been together for years because such couples usually have stable relationships.
They’re used to each other and feel scared of leaving a relationship that they’ve invested many years in. Such couples tend to express discontent and delay the breakup for weeks or months before they finally separate themselves from each other.
Sometimes dumpees notice their partner’s distant behavior and other times, they don’t. How fast the dumper abandons the relationship really depends on the dumper’s patience and perseverance. For example, if the dumper is developed as a person, she usually doesn’t just up and leave.
Normally, she talks to her partner about the things she’s struggling with and leaves only if things don’t improve after multiple attempts to fix them. Such dumpers understand themselves, possess relationship skills, and can be classified as mature, self-aware people. They have what it takes to improve their relationship.
But then there are also dumpers who assume that their partner should know what they think and feel. Such dumpers can be impulsive as they tend not to communicate their wants and needs very successfully. Instead of expressing themselves, they appear cold, distant, or defensive and usually display their discontent in a very strong and unpredictable manner.
Undeveloped women like this won’t give you the kind of breakup warnings you’d expect from mature women. They won’t tell you what’s wrong and how you can fix the problem. Instead, they’ll show you how much respect they have left for you and how they feel about you by treating you the way they feel about you.
If they’re happy with you, they’ll appear happy and relaxed. And if they’re not happy, they’ll make sure you feel their pain.
And that’s why you need to pay attention to your ex-girlfriend’s behavior during and after the relationship. You have to remember how she behaved throughout the relationship because her behavior on its own is the breakup warning sign you’ve been looking for all this time.
So if you’re looking for reasons why she broke up with you so suddenly, remember that she:
- hasn’t been happy for a while
- had stressors and various issues
- felt angry or disappointed with you
- didn’t or couldn’t express herself properly
- couldn’t process her unwanted emotions successfully
There really aren’t that many sudden breakups out there. There are breakups when dumpers leave for someone else, but even such breakups are premeditated breakups. It takes dumpers a little while for them to build rapport with the other person and leave their partner for that person.
Or if they meet someone new at a club for example and have sex with him, then you need to understand that such dumpers had one foot out the door of the relationship for quite some time. They weren’t ready to stay committed to the relationship because their relationship mentality wasn’t good enough to stay faithful.
In conclusion, your ex didn’t suddenly break up with you. She broke up with you over a long period of time because her emotional and rational states haven’t improved with time.
Sudden breakup causes
When breakups happen very quickly, there there are always good reasons for that. But the most common reasons seem to be temptations, recurring arguments, and overwhelming stress and anxiety. These are the distractions that usually cause women to detach from their boyfriends very quickly.
But there are also few other causes of a sudden breakup such as:
- meeting someone new and developing a bond with him
- falling into depression
- getting fired from work or experiencing stress because of financial issues
- health problems or problems in the family
- disapproving parents
These things will cause a person to detach from you very quickly—and there’s not much you can do about it. You can beg and plead, but that’s only going to make things worse as it’s going to give your personal power to the person who has too much of it already.
So give your partner a little bit of extra space, support her when she wants to be supported, and hope that she knows how to solve her problems without associating stress and negativity with you.
If she thinks the relationship is important to her, rest assured that she will fight for it even if she has a hundred other problems on her shoulders. She won’t let you go because that would make her sad and anxious.
However, if your girlfriend’s been taking you for granted for a very long time, then it’s highly likely that the first big stressor, argument, or temptation is going to cause her to feel smothered and force her to pull away. Something is going to change her mind about you because she isn’t ready to handle her negative emotions.
Bear in mind that every day is an opportunity to make the relationship better and stronger. Every day but the day when the breakup occurs, that is. When the breakup ensues, that’s when the fight is over because there’s no more love and respect to work with.
There’s only obsessive one-sided admiration.
People often tell me, “My breakup was so sudden. One day we were happy, and the next, she turned around and left me so easily. Why did she break up with me so suddenly?” I admit, when I first started researching dumpee and dumper behavior, they had me convinced that their breakup really happened so quickly.
But after studying breakups and relationships for a while longer, I discovered that most people don’t experience sudden breakups at all. Most of them have too many unresolved issues for their relationship to continue to exist.
Some couples I recently talked to had issues that were caused by arguments and others, issues that were caused by neglecting their relationship and taking it for granted.
They all broke up “all of a sudden” because they didn’t invest in themselves, in each other, and in the relationship. They just carried on and followed their usual patterns, so it doesn’t come as a surprise that someone reached a boiling point and called it quits.
If you ask me, there was nothing sudden about these couples’ breakups.
They’d been fighting or neglecting each other for several months or longer without even realizing the damage they were causing to the relationship. The breakup for these couples was just around the corner, waiting for something to go horribly wrong.
What to do when your girlfriend breaks up with you out of nowhere?
When your girlfriend suddenly breaks up with you and pulls away, she makes it clear that her feelings for you have changed. Her behavior shows that she’s thought things through and that she wants you to respect her decision no matter how difficult it may be for you.
As a dumpee, that’s all you can and must do. You must give your ex the space she’s asked for because if you don’t, you’ll make her crave space and independence even more. You’ll force her to run away from you and make it extremely hard for her to relax around you.
It doesn’t matter how sudden the breakup was. If she broke up with you for any reason at all, you have to respect her need for space and let her do what she wants. You must back off because the sooner you do, the fewer post-breakup mistakes you’ll make.
When your ex has processed the breakup and feels like talking to you, she’ll reach out and tell you or show you what she thinks about you. So stay out of her way until that happens. Don’t text her, don’t call her, and don’t tag her on social media.
Try to focus completely on yourself and your loved ones instead and know that when the time is right that your ex will contact you. It might now be in a week, in a month, or even in a year, but eventually, your ex will probably become curious about you and reach out to see what’s going on with you.
That’s when you can decide whether you want to stay in touch with your ex or keep on healing. My advice is to keep healing unless you’re ready to be friends or your ex wants you back.
Do you think your ex broke up with you suddenly? Did you see the breakup coming? Comment below this article.
Or conversely, if you wish to talk to us 1-on-1, click here to learn how.
Hi Zan
I met a girl after a long 16 year relationship. (marriage 3 kids the lot)
She started as a friend helping me heal from past relationship (which i was cheated on 3 months after being married) and we became closer. We fell in love
Her background . She takes tablets for her mental health. Has had a hard life. Treated beyond what i can say by boyfriends. Family problems hard childhood and sick parent going through cancer treatments now
She thought i was her last chance at love. So hard with 4 kids together but they get on and were calling each other sister and brother.
My ex always around causing issues like house she moved into has a group chat to gossip. My mother helped us at the beggining but then became a pressure as she’s controlling and has a bad way in talking to people.
It all came to a head this weekend where there was a explosive argument between them. Thing were said that can’t be taken back. She stormed out messaged me to leave.
4 days later we have only messaged. Started with arguing as i hit drink. Since I’ve pulled my mum and ex which isn’t great. We messaged and like you said expressed the need for space. I’ve said my side and don’t understand the point if we can’t work through it. Finding solutions like we take it back to dating and live separate. She said i was pressuring and trying to control (i thought i was being romantic and if i hadn’t messaged she’d have said didn’t care enough to message. I was trying to just get a face to face. Her birthday weekend is this weekend and i said ridiculously there must be something more maybe you just planned it and want to go out blah blah (i have my own confidence issues after the former relationship)
Then we spoke i told her i can’t be friends and wish her well but i’ll give her space now delete my number and i’ll delete yous. She asked if what i want i said well yes.
Now i’m sat here all i want is to have her message, i want to message her and tell her i understand and shouldn’t have said some things and i’ll be here when she needs etc. But i don’t know if i just leave it.
I ultimately want her back as believe we love each other and can find a way.
What do i do next?
Hi Tim.
You have to lower your pride and stop reacting to things. The relationship will never work if you act impulsively. I suggest you waiit a bit and work on yourselves. You have to improve as partners before you can be the right partners for each other. Also, if she doesn’t want to get back together, she has to come to you. Let her do the initiating while you take care of your problems.
Best,
Zan
this happened to me alright
it was 2021 and i was involved with a woman who i certainly thought was “the one” (and so did she) despite a huge age difference (me early 40s, her early 20s), everything was going to plan, i loved her, she loved me, what more could have i asked for, what could go wrong??
unbeknown to be ALOT
it all ended on a whim, someone i knew thought it would be a great idea to shatter the bond me and my SO had he knew aboutme and her despite him hardly knowing her so an elaborate plan was launched to split me and her up – it involved multiple people i knew at the time as well – apparently they did not like either me being happy, my girlfriend or they knew something i didnt so on 27 september 2021 they warned me to “stay the hell away” from this woman quite firmly and coldly to which i replied “what the f… are you gunna do about it” and telling them that it was none of their beeswax (the words where actually much stronger and aggressive than that) who i dated, their reponse was “oh…youll see…youll see”
3 days later they tore me away from her no reason was given but the regurgitated “stay the hell away from her” and “you shouldnt be even with her”, i did manage to bump into her on a handful of occasions since then but shes been blatantly ignoring me even at one stage getting mad at me for even saying hello to her, my reaction towards her by that point was rather belligerant and kind of stand-offish as i called her out for “having something wrong with her memory”
sometime later i learned the truth – she was seeing me while she was with another guy but she never told me she had another man. my belligerance towards the main person who split me and her up quickly became a bond of friendship he said to me he should have been more open to the reason why he done it and was expecting me to fight him but i thanked him in fact we went out for a beer 2 days later, his meddling was actually a blessing in disguise
as a result of this good-for-nothing ex-“girlfriend” of mine ive packed my bags and moved to australia from new zealand to assist in the healing process and to rebuild my trust in women
Hi Captain planet.
I’m sorry this happened to you. It seems that this woman lined someone up and went for him when an opportunity presented itself. She probably thought the age gap was too big and that she’d get ridiculed for it by her loved ones. In the end, she chose someone closer to her age and because they’re both in the same/similar life stages. It’s easier for them to understand and bond with each other.
You’ll get through this. And when you’ll do, you’ll see that things probably needed to end.
Kind regards,
Zan
Hi Zan,
Some of other comments are ringing true with my situation, but I’m going to try and express what happened with me as concisely as possible although I have a tendency for too much detail.
It’s a similar picture that’s been painted by others here; I was only with this girl for around 8 months or so but it was a very intense relationship. I could tell we loved and cared for each other so much and the effort felt mutual. We were a very good match and everybody thought this.
Everything seemed to be going well. It came to my birthday and I got a lovely card from her saying stuff about how she prayed to God everyday about loving me forever and that she promised to love me no matter what and that she was excited to see what the next year would bring for me. She was also quite playful and injected humour, considering she’s such a serious person.
We went away for a birthday trip and something happened on the first day in the bedroom.
I was doing something by routine that we always did and it wasn’t out of the blue but for whatever reason she didn’t like it this time but did not tell me (I’d go into more detail but probably not appropriate). After we’d finished she said she didn’t like it and I felt awful but she played it off and carried on as normal. She was subtly more hostile though and was a bit more aggressive than usual for the remainder of the trip.
She continued as normal but a couple of days later I get a message from her saying that she was still hurt. I supported her but she cut herself off when I asked her what she needed. I then asked her how her day had been the following day and she said she needed space. I did message her the day after because I was genuinely concerned and she exploded saying I was pushing boundaries and she blocked me. I had a panic attack because of this and she unblocked me but I waited no a week of silence before asking her no pressure but shall we talk. She met up with me and broke up with me saying she’d lost trust because of what happened in the bedroom. She said she still loved me, how I did everything right, how I was a perfect boyfriend that it wasn’t my fault this incident happened and that it was so sh*t it had to end. How she’d always keep a line of communication open, wanted to remain friends and never say never. But also saying how she didn’t feel safe around me which was a really odd reaction. I was so confused.
I do sort of wish I’d read an article like this before as I did message my ex after she broke up with me asking for closure.
She was supportive at first but then when I said I needed to understand better because I was confused she said the conversation might not be healthy and that she just wanted to get her stuff back and leave it there. This carried on but I ended up sending a nice goodbye message (to which she responded to positively and that she’d always be there for me) because I wanted to respect her space although this wasn’t until after I said to her I felt led on.
3 weeks later I reached out again saying I still needed closure, she basically ended up saying she’d think about meeting up with me and then blocked me on absolutely everything.
I’ve been so hurt by this entire fiasco and I’m still hurt. I’ve never blamed myself but I’ve needed to get an idea of what happened so I could move on and I haven’t. I’m really struggling to let go and my mental health has plummeted.
I’m not sure if she made an excuse to leave but the intensity of her reaction to this one incident that happened when we were away for my birthday makes me think otherwise.
I want to ignore her but I want her back so badly and I’m embarrassed about this and ironically would think twice about taking her back. Although I know she won’t ever speak to me again- I have no idea how she’s been able to end it like this.
Hi James.
This girl proved she wasn’t capable of maintaining a relationship. She blamed you for certain things and wasn’t mature enough to communicate about them. Instead, she became resentful and pushed you away by force.
You need to take your rose-tinted glasses off and see that she lost respect for you. She did this not because of something you did, but because she considered herself a victim and stopped valuing you. She made a decision to do that, James, it wasn’t subconscious. So see her for who she is, stay away from her, and detach. You’ll feel better when you see things from a more rational standpoint.
Kind regards,
Zan
My girlfriend and I met back when we were young around the ages of 13. We tried to “date” at that young age and as you can imagine nothing came of it. Time went on for both of us and around 8 years later we began dating. We were together for over 2.5 years. We were making plans to move in together and start a life together after college.
I had quite a few personal issues come up a couple months ago- my dad was sentenced to a long stay in jail, all of my college and rent money was taken away from me, and I was feeling lost without much of a path. I slipped into a depressive state but I was able to put on a happy face (most of the time) when I eas with her. She got a new group of friends/coworkers who I was not very comfortable with her spending all of her time with as I had overheard several things of them that raised red flags. I had been cheated on before in my previous relationship.
I think I let jealousy get the best of me. I was not worried of her cheating necessarily, but I was bothered by her spending all of her free time with these people including repeatedly making me wait for her to get back to her house when I’d drive 2 hours to her for our plans. We see each other once a week(or two) as we are semi long distance with opposite schedules, and at the end of our date nights she would insist we go hang out with them when I just wanted time with her.
Weeks went by and one night I was up studying for an exam and she called me wanting to take a break from the relationship. Earlier this day She was texting me sweet things with hearts. The day before we had a wonderful date night together and I cleaned her whole apartment when she was at work the next morning.
I was very confused but I agreed to a week break for us to do some self reflection on our needs. She told me for the first time on that call that she felt guilty for spending time with her friends, feeling too stretched between them and me.
The next night she tried calling me and I didn’t answer as I was unsure of the break etiquette, and I was getting a lot out of personal insight over the period of introspection. I realized I was probably unpleasant to be around in my depressive state with all that I was going through- and possibly coming across as overbearing. I called her back the next day and she broke up with me on the phone and refused to talk about trying to fix things and didn’t give me a clear reason as to why the sudden decision. She just said we were headed in different paths. She also said she felt that I don’t respect what she does for work, which I still don’t understand as I always asked her about work and would tell her how proud I was.
I was absolutely blindsided by this breakup, and I really thought this was the girl I’d marry and have a wonderful life with. It’s been a week and I want to ask her to meet in person so we can talk over what happened and I can either get another chance with her or get closure.
My friends think she’s hiding something but I’m worried I just didn’t treat her right when I was going through such a rough time.
Either way it’s pretty messed up to end this whole relationship with a phone call and no real explanation.
Hi Atlan.
Don’t ask her to get back together. She won’t agree. Or if she does, it won’t last because you’ll continue to overprioritize/smother her. You have to improve your mental health first so that you don’t overdepend on her for happiness. Once you’ve done that, it has to be her idea to speak with you and get back together. That’s the only way she’ll respect you.
Best,
Zan
Hey Zan,
Thanks a lot for writing this article as it was really helpful. I just wanted to share my experience with this one girl. We started talking in May and just chatted for a couple weeks (she lives a few states away). Over time, we started having phone calls and got really close and romantic with each other. We even discussed the future, marriage, etc. which led to a few challenging conversations but she seemed to take it well and was willing to work through those challenges. She did express that she was worried the relationship would end in heartbreak, but I reassured her multiple times and expressed that I cared about her deeply and would never act in such a way to hurt her.
She eventually got really distant for a day and put her walls up and I asked her if she was ok or needed to talk and she said she was fine and if there was anything wrong she’d bring it up. I woke up the next morning to a text saying she didn’t wanna do a long distance relationship anymore and wanted to date in person. I was really upset because she didn’t have the gall to call me to tell me or even try to discuss the issue. I don’t trust that distance is REALLY the issue as we’ve talked about it before and I let her know that I would do everything to overcome it, we even planned for me to visit her in 2 weeks. Thankfully it’s not my first relationship so I took the text like a champ and handled it with grace and I’m focusing on myself for now.
Thank you for the article, it definitely helped shed some light.
Hi MC.
I don’t think the distance is the issue either. It’s her lack of commitment as she would have broken up with anyone (not just you). I think this person wants to take the opportunity to take whoever is available to her. She doesn’t want to sit still and not receive all the benefits of a romantic relationship.
Go no contact and try to detach from her. She’ll contact you if she wants you back. If not, you’ll be okay too!
Kind regards,
Zan
Hi there.
I honestly have no clue what to make of my breakup/ghosting. Been together over 2.5 years. Everything seemed great emotionally and physically. We were like best friends. She worked a lot but I helped and supported her in all of her endeavors. Just 2 days before she bolted, she stated she was very happy (I made sure I asked occasionally so we could talk about it) and loved me a lot and we had amazing sex and even the day before ending it she said she loves me, etc. We told each other everyday that we loved each other. The only thing she said (over text) right before ghosting me was that she told me she only wanted to “date” for 2 years and wanted to settle and try to have a baby. I said great because I wanted to as well but didn’t recall any 2 year timeline but no response from her. What we did previously discuss was that we would mutually figure out when to get engaged because she wanted to pick out the ring, etc., and we both were previously married. I still have not heard from her in 4 weeks. I sent one nice text just stating I wish we could talk about it because I wanted marriage too but that I loved her and respect her and if this is what she wants I’ll respect that and I hope she finds happiness one day because I want her to be happy. No response from her. So confused because we always talked and seriously never even had an argument in 2.5 years and only one very small disagreement that I can barely remember because it was so trivial. I asked her many many times if she’s happy and she always said very much and that she wouldn’t change anything and that I was amazing. She also unfriended (not blocked) me on FB but not other platforms. I have since unfollowed her on all because I don’t want to see what she’s doing. The ghosting is what is truly hurtful. Worst thing I’ve been through and I’ve been through some crap. How can it go from like perfect to nothing??? Extremely low chance I would take her back if she wanted because this is unacceptable to me but just thought I’d share such a baffling situation.
Thanks
Hi Brian.
I know things seemed perfect, but your ex probably wasn’t very good at communicating her feelings. Either that or she’d met someone new, hid him from you, and left when she developed feelings for him. Something went majorly wrong, Brian, and whatever it was, she handled it very badly. People ghost when they lack morals and the ability to handle guilt. They also ghost when they’re afraid of their partner’s reaction.
Hang in there!
Zan
Well I’m in the breakup blues right now so I’ll share my story…I met someone through an app and we hit it off. She was out of town on a rotation for her medical grad school program so we texted for a few months before our first in person date. When the first date did come, it went splendidly. We proceeded to have several more dates in pretty quick succession, including one on her birthday, but we kept it slow with the physical stuff until the 5th date when we made out after a concert. After that date, I went on a 2 week trip out of town and during that time our connection took off! We had video chats, talked about what we wanted including marraige/kids (we are on the same page there), and she was really sweet with all the compliments for me. The kissing emojis were flying right and left! She said we were pretty impressive as a team and that I made her laugh a lot.
The night I got back into town we met up for dinner and drinks and then had a fun fooling around session in my car afterwards. I’ll never forget her wrapping her hands around mine and telling me how much she liked me. Well, that feeling lasted less than 24 hours. The next day she woke up after less than 5 hours of sleep to go running before her 9 hour hospital shift. She then drove to meet me 45 minutes away and we had dinner and drinks again before going to a concert. When she showed up she looked completely exhausted. For a bit of context, she also was dealing with a family emergency that popped up at this time and she had to take multiple day trips out of town to help a close relative that was sick. So yeah, to say she had a lot on her plate would be an understatement.
Back to what happened… at the concert I put on some respectful moves. She seemed really into it. When I pulled her close to dance together she sweetly rested her head back on my chest. Afterwards, we held hands walking back to the cars. When we got to hers, she invited me inside and we picked up where we left off the night before. After about 10 minutes of making out, she abruptly pulled away. She wouldn’t make eye contact and said we needed to slow things down. She looked upset. I asked what was up and said we could absolutely slow things down. She said she has some past relationships stuff that makes it hard to do this. I said I do too and proceeded to tell her briefly about some of my past stuff to create a space where she could share. She stayed shut down though. Eventually she drove back home and I left baffled as to what just happened. Texting a few days later, she broke it off. I’m still confused. I gave her a month of no contact after the breakup conversation and then when I tried to initiate some dialogue she seemed really guarded and then eventually snapped at me for “pestering and not giving her space.” I suppose that’s all I can do now but I can’t help but feel that her life stresses and exhaustion that night are what caused this.
Hi Joseph.
This person wasn’t ready for a new relationship. She was still recovering from her previous relationship and wasn’t on the same emotional wavelength as you. She tried to be and probably was for a little while, but then reality caught up with her.
You need to give her time and focus on yourself.
Best,
Zan
ive experienced this problem few weeks back :/ we were dating for 6 months, i tried to be nice and supportive through her tough times with university school and we were meeting each other more often. Then she invited me to her place at party at november…. there, little bit both drunk we had a first kiss and i was happy that we like each other and it was a very nice 2 months….. we talked so much on social media or had long calls, yes it was little bit long distance relationship because of my work but evertime i had free time i went to visit her and spend all day with her because she wanted and i didnt see any sign of unhappiness or road to the breakup.
She kept telling me how great iam, that finally she found someone she looked for and that she feels with me very happy ecc. but than she had 2 week class trip organized by her school and in the first week, to be exact in one day she texted me that she loves me and cant wait to see me and next day like i was no one to her total stranger.
She replied me with short answers, evading conversations or telling me she cant call me because she is “busy”….. so i waited until the end of that trip hoping that she is really busy and she just want to have some space and fun with friends, but my fear came true.
After she came back i had enough of that “ghosting” and asked her what happened why she is so cold to me…. out of nowhere she told me that “from the relationship shes not having the right feel she expected” and so she dont want to continue……. (still dont know what she meant with that TBH)
i still have the feeling that something happened there and she doesnt have the courage to tell me the truth, but i cant do nothing… i respect her decision but the only thing that still hurts me is that 180 degree turn around out of nowhere… even I thought that she is the one, and we can have a nice future but well i guess i was mistaken.
Still iam thinking about her but i keep asking what happened and why this turn around out of the blue or what i did wrong that she made this move… :/
Hi Vadim.
It’s not that you did something wrong but that the girl had been having doubts. Maybe she even kissed someone on the school trip and realized she needed to break up. It doesn’t matter what happened. The problem is that she lost the will to fight and gave up. All you can do now is give her space and focus on yourself. If she comes back though, she has to come clean.
Kind regards,
Zan
Wow! Everytime I read one of your articles things seem to make more sense. You have an excellent way of explaining the details that we seem to overlook. I truly believe you were meant for this and can’t that thank you enough for all your help. For some reason I ways feel a lot more at ease after reading your articles. I don’t know what I would do without you but I definetley wouldn’t be better off. Seriously, you are amazing at what you do and I am grateful for you taking the time to write such perfect,eloquent articles that help so much! All the respect in the world to you Zan!
Hi Don Juan.
Thank you for your kind words. I’m happy to hear that you’ve found solace in the blog. You give me the motivation to write more articles and help more people.
Thank you!
Zan
Hey Zan
I was dumped a couple of weeks ago after dating for month. For me it came out of the blue because it was my first relationship and I dont have the experiencie to notice these signs. I still dont know what exactly went wrong but i have some theories. First of all my lack of experience at the time of intimacy, most of the time it was kinda of clumsy cause I didnt know what to do, and I never explain to her that I lacked of experience. Also, I was hoping for a long term and serious relationship but I never asked her for that, we were just geting to know each other. and we she dumped me she told me that she wasnt looking for that, and told me she had “too much going on his life at the moment”. For some reason i think she noticed that I was more into her than she was into me. She dumped by text message after our last date, but 2 days later I told her that we should met one last time to speak about it in person. She told me that whatever she felt about me just disapeared and that she wanted to be friends. I told her that i respect her decision but I will never see her as a friend after what we had. After that, she kinda ghosted me cause she never talked to me again or see my social media but she still has me on IG. I really dont now what could went wrong cause i always let her space trying not put any pressure on her. And the way we relate was always kinda mirrored. We had a lot in comon and I was so convinced that this was the start of something big but God I was so wrong. I would really want to know what was my mistake so i could never do that again the next time I date someone. Its my first breakup and its been hell. Thanks for your post.
HI MMV.
She probably felt overwhelmed and couldn’t handle a serious romantic relationship. I reckon she wasn’t used to the kind of affection she got from you, so she took it for granted and convinced herself she deserved someone she had to work harder for. If you loved her and did your best, it wasn’t your fault. She chose not to maintain the relationship.
I wish you a speedy recovery!
Zan
Women that act this way are 100% low value. Let that trash go and move on to someone younger and of better quality. Life’s way too short to waste it on those too underdeveloped to matter.
That’s true, DK.
Make sure to work on yourself too, ok?
Zan
I see it now after a lot of 1-on-1 (that helped me tremendously) my ex didn’t broke up with you all suddenly and I didn’t see the breakup coming at all :/
I realized with your help that he was with one foot out the door of the relationship for quite some time, and his relationship mentality wasn’t good enough to stay faithful so he cheated me with a girl and left.
And with this mindset I realize that there’s nothing sudden about these couples’ breakups at all.
I literally don’t know what I would do without your help!!! Def best relationship coach that could anyone ask for
Forever grateful 🤍
Hi Linda.
Most breakups aren’t sudden, they just appear that way to us because we don’t think about our/our partner’s behavior. We tend to ignore it.
Stay strong, Linda!
Zan