“My girlfriend broke up with me for no reason. She told me I was perfect in every way and that she’s never loved anyone as amazing as me before. Why would she break up with me for no reason? Please help!”
This is probably one of the most common pleas for help I hear when boyfriends or girlfriends break up with their partner over little or no reason.
The only problem with being broken up with for no reason is that dumpees interpret it in a literal way, when deep inside, they know the meaning is completely different.
They just aren’t aware of it yet.
If I could summarize the purpose behind the “no reason excuse” in one word, it would be deception.
The dumper is basically using underhanded tactics to butter the dumpee.
He or she is taking attention away from the drama and sorrow by intentionally directing it toward something more positive.
We all know how it feels to receive a compliment, such as; “you’re the best, I never loved like this before, you make me very happy.”
All compliments aimed toward our personality make us feel incredibly appreciated and valued—and this is exactly what your ex-girlfriend is after.
In this article, we’ll discuss why your ex-partner wants to make you feel good by avoiding the real reason behind the breakup.
My girlfriend broke up with me for no reason
As you may already know, a breakup is a breakup whether it happened over a big reason, small reason or no apparent reason at all.
The indisputable fact is that breakups happen for a reason so there is no denying that.
You may have undergone a breakup recently, so here’s a general rule of thumb when you’re dealing with people.
Please remember that there are always two sides to every story.
One side is the excuse your girlfriend told you when she broke up with you “for no reason.”
And the other side of the story is the truth your ex kept hidden from you.
Relationships and breakups are two different entities
You might be wondering why your ex wouldn’t tell you the reason behind the breakup.
As a couple, you were likely as close as kindred spirits—completing and balancing each other out like yin and yang.
Surely, your long-term girlfriend should give you some kind of a reason or excuse, right?
You shared everything with each other when you were in a relationship, so why not now?
The answer to that question is in the question itself.
As long as the couple is together, they are held together by a million factors. Some of them are; love, attraction, trust, respect, devotion, admiration, and so on.
This is what keeps the bond inseparable by preventing external forces from dismantling the relationship.
Contrary to being in a relationship is, well… not being in a relationship or at least not seeing it that way.
Your now ex-girlfriend suddenly has a million reasons to break up with you and give you the “no reasons at all” excuse.
Here are the most common reasons why your girlfriend broke up with you without giving you a reason:
- doesn’t want to hurt you
- feels guilty for breaking your heart
- is hiding something she doesn’t want you to find out
- wants to avoid post-breakup drama
- doesn’t respect you enough
Why can’t my ex just be honest?
Depending on the exact reasons behind the breakup, dumpers’ levels of guilt range anywhere from low to high.
Deep inside, they are often so guilt-ridden they want to avoid feeling ashamed as quickly as possible.
You can notice your ex is guilty by observing her body language. An ex experiencing waves of guilt often displays it very clearly by:
- avoiding eye contact
- positioning her body away from you
- trying to distract you
- pretending she’s busy
- acting out of character by talking too much/little
Being honest, sincere and respectful would often mean that your girlfriend has to open up and dig deep past her pride and ego—all the way to the very core of her being.
Moreover, her expressing herself and giving you the reasons why she broke up with you would entail everything she’s desperately trying to avoid.
If she chose to open up and tell you the reasons why she broke up with you, she would have to:
- remember unpleasant memories
- re-open her wound
- suffer or feel uncomfortable just to make you happy
- remind herself she’s the bad one
Nobody wants to feel like a bad person and neither did your ex-girlfriend when she broke up with you “for no reason.”
She merely didn’t want to be reminded of her actions and is choosing the easy way—to run fast and far.
The right way and the wrong way to break up
There are many different types of breakups and only one right way to deal with them.
Here two completely different scenarios:
- You break up with your partner in person and tell him the reason why you’re ending it. Because you’re a nice person, you do so compassionately, supportively and respectfully.
- You break up with your partner over text, give him some random excuse or no excuse at all and ignore his messages. Since you are spiteful, you then proceed with publishing pictures of kissing another guy on your social media and say he’s perfect.
Of course, these are both extreme examples, but the idea remains the same.
If your girlfriend broke up with you for no reason, she basically refused to give you one for her own selfish reasons.
Breaking up for no reason whatsoever is a weakness
Keep in mind that anyone who puts his or her needs way before yours is undeserving of your love and attention.
The same goes for your ex if she broke up with you and gave you the “no reason” excuse.
Since you’ve read this far, you know your girlfriend did indeed have a reason, but she chose to withhold it from you because of her own insecurities, fears, and trepidations.
Breakups take great amounts of determination and courage to pull off.
If dumpers didn’t spend days or weeks before the actual breakup thinking about it, they would more often than not get overpowered with instant doubt and regret.
That’s why most couples who break up unpremeditatedly, soon reunite (within a month).
And once they get back together, history repeats itself and they break up again.
The least you deserve is an explanation!
Imagine going to the store to buy a loaf of bread for the usual price of $2.50.
You grab the item and proceed to the counter. To your surprise, the clerk says you have to pay $3.50. You examine the price again, read that it says $2.50, but the clerk still insists that you should pay an additional $1.
You ask the clerk why you should pay more than what the price tag says, but he or she simply replies with, “no reason at all.”
Something tells me being dismissed and stripped of importance doesn’t sound one bit enticing—whether you’re buying a loaf of bread or you get broken up with by your girlfriend.
If you’re paying the price, the least you deserve to know is the reason why you’re paying it.
Getting relationship clarity and closure is fundamental to you as a person who is getting rejected.
You need to know what went wrong so that you can begin to work on yourself and your shortcomings.
Don’t ask for the reason why she broke up with you!
Although hearing the reason why your girlfriend broke up with you could help you heal, improve and move on, you should never try to extort it by force.
Since your ex-girlfriend isn’t giving it to you willingly, trying to force her could make her extremely angry.
By no means should you be afraid of her anger or anything like that, but you probably don’t want to make things worse than they already are.
Demanding an explanation from your ex that wants nothing other than to be left alone is bad news.
As a matter of fact, it’s the easiest way to get blocked, ignored, belittled and disrespected.
Dumpers, especially the ones who lack self-awareness oftentimes act and react on impulse.
Due to their intense post-breakup emotions, they lash out and self-sabotage their relationship with their dumpees.
For that reason, you must avoid digging deeper when your ex refuses to give you closure.
My boyfriend broke up with me for no reason
If it was your boyfriend who broke up with you for no reason and you’re wondering what to do, remember that you can’t crawl back into his life.
Your boyfriend’s decision to break up with you is final, therefore, you must respect it.
Breakup reconciliation dynamics are the same for both genders—whether it was your boyfriend broke up with you or your girlfriend.
Men might think, perceive and react differently from women, but the overall need for space and distance away from you is pretty much the same.
We are all just human beings.
It honestly doesn’t matter whether you were given a good reason, a lie, or no reason at all.
Most of the time, you don’t need your ex-boyfriend(or ex-girlfriend to tell you what went wrong.
The simple explanation is that sooner than later you will know what you must do to better yourself and move on from your ordeal.
Use this time well!
Don’t be concerned about your ex and what he does.
His self-improvement is not your concern. If he chooses to party and waste his invaluable post-breakup time, then so be it.
You have yourself to prioritize and your shortcomings to solve. If you can’t find any, then this could mean you lack self-awareness.
When you have the time, sit down, get a pen and paper and write down your own story of the breakup from your perspective.
You don’t need your boyfriend to approve of it. He thinks he’s above you right now anyway, so forget about him for a while.
Once you’ve found your shortcomings, remember not to dwell on the past. What’s happened—has happened because of certain circumstances which both you and your partner lacked control of.
Instead of wallowing in pity, find the reason why your boyfriend broke up with you and stick with it.
If you do, you won’t need to hear your boyfriend’s part of the story to complete your breakup analysis.
Are you still convinced your boyfriend or girlfriend broke up with you for no reason at all? I’d like to hear your part of the story. Comment below.
When I dumped my ex-beau, I was straight up honest with him and told him the truth, no matter how unpleasant it was. It hurt us both but unlike what you claimed in your article, I never looked back and kept my word.
The best way to deal with a breakup is letting go of the pain and let God heal you. Of course, if one is atheist, then they will disagree – as they always do. Some people like to make up atheist-based excuses based on BS from the abusive psych industries – as they always do. Sad really, because they often think they are doing good for people when in reality, its just wishful thinking and lining their pockets in the meantime.
Hi Emily.
Being honest is the best thing you can do. You should never deceive your ex and give him false hope as that prevents him from moving on.
Kind regards,
Zan
Good article. My gf was in hospital with Covid for a week she got out sent me a message letting me
Know she was home. I messaged for days checking on her and messaging then few days I got a message saying “ please give me something I almost died I’m about ready to lose my business and so much more. I’m going work on myself mentally-physically I’ll be ok though and stay off social media hope ur ok and thanks for understanding “ I said I understand I said u ha e not worked in weeks and been threw hell in hospital. She said thanks for understanding. I kept right on checking and messaging seeing if she was ok needed anything and stuff no response ever. I then sent a text one day on text said miss ya then she blocked me. Weeks later I show up she said I needed to leave or she was calling the cops I said can u talk even for 30 seconds she said no and I needed to leave or she was calling the cops so I left
Hi Ddd.
Your ex may not have told you what bothered her, but it looks like she associated a lot of unhealthy emotions with you. She probably spent a lot of time stressing and thinking negatively, so she fell out of love with you.
The least she could have done though is give you an explanation/closure. You deserved it for everything you did for her.
Kind regards,
Zan
Thanks Zan for the wonderful article my girlfriend broke up with me i asked her why she said it wasn’t working out i asked her how she said it just wasn’t i was surprised cause we would make out kiss hug and do all kind of lovey dovey stuff but i was expecting it due to her recent behaviours but thanks to you i know i need to move on
Hi Daniel.
Your ex didn’t give you an explanation because she felt trapped and wanted to get out of the relationship quickly. It wasn’t fair, but it’s what many dumpers do.
Try to spend some time with your friends and family, Daniel. They will be able to help you cope with the post-breakup blues.
Best regards,
Zan
Thanks so much. Honestly.
You’re welcome, Peter.
Zan
Hello Zan,
That’s the most beneficial article about breakups I have ever read. My girlfriend dumped me over a text message, lining out too many appreciations, telling she is not ready and has been trying to be happy but couldn’t. Indeed everything was fine, she was sending kisses and after a couple of days vacation, suddenly she decided to break up. She didn’t even pick up my phone to talk. Now I truly understand what the reasons might be and she never deserved my attention and love.
Thanks for the lesson! Love from Turkey.
HI Zan
Another great article and again, very relevant to my recovery and healing.
I was dumped by email basically saying that the relationship has come to a natural end.
I was shocked by the email but not surprised. I knew deep down, in the last few months, I was doing everything I could to make her happy. I even surprised myself about how romantic and caring I could be towards her and although Im proud of myself for the effort I made, I focused too much on her needs and basically put her needs before my own.
That was wrong and that’s why my gut feeling was not of surprise when I got the email, but rather it was on the cards.
We used to meet up 2/3 times a week and 95% of the time, we had fun, enjoyed each others company and had great sex but I noticed whilst we were apart from each other, if I didn’t reach out and text, I wouldn’t hear from her.
I worked on myself, whilst we were apart, meeting up with friends, doing sport stuff but she would get angry, although she wouldn’t admit it, but I knew she just wanted me to chase her.
When we were together she would tell me those phrases in your article Zan, ‘you’re amazing’, ‘we are so good together’, ‘Ive never felt like this before’, ‘I adore you’ and you’re right, I felt like a cat thats got the cream but more importantly, it totally distracted me from the red flags which after 4 months in NC, I see so clearly.
After receiving my ‘you’re dumped email’, I wanted to leave her with my thoughts, so I sent her an email saying that we are good together, have a great connection but I respect her decision and we need to move on.
This was so hard to do, I tried ringing but she wouldn’t answer and I didn’t want turn into the begging, pleading guy so I stopped trying.
Anyway, the next day I got a WhatsApp message to say thank you for the lovely email, she agrees with everything I said in the email and although she has strong feelings for me, she needs space to figure out her direction in life but needs to do that without my influence.
I WhatsApp back to say, Im going to miss her but NC will be best for both of us.
In my early days of NC, I kept thinking why, why, why did she break up because it was out of the blue and given a few weeks, she’ll miss me and get in contact.
Tbh Zan, your articles have given me the knowledge of knowing her mindset will be different to mine, I don’t need closure from her to move on and if ‘someone leaves you, for whatever reason, let them go’.
My time in NC has also given me the clarity to see her flaws, take her off that pedestal but more importantly, see mine and Im improving those all the time.
I used to be consumed by the thoughts that I now understand attachment styles, Im an anxious and she’s a fearful avoidant, and I so wanted to break NC and help her understand her shortcomings. But the biggest shortcoming of a fearful avoidant is the lack of creating real empathy and accepting those ‘totally in love feelings’ as being normal and special and not something to run away from but Im not responsible for her personal development so thanks Zan, for hammering that message home to me.
For all you people out there going thru NC, its hard but it does get better with time and those ‘light bulb’ moments, when they happen and give you the clarity to see the red flags in your ex relationship, that we chose to ignore, should be celebrated as a gift that NC gives us so we can move forward with new relationships with our eyes fully, wide open.
Thanks Zan, your work on the internet is the best for me and you are blessed with a talent that has truly helped me and will help others to.
David
Hello David.
I’m glad you find my articles informative.
You’ve come to many strong realizations about love and breakups, such as letting go of those who don’t want you, as well as not being responsible for their behavior. You are you and they are they. It’s that simple to understand with your mind, but so extremely difficult to feel it with the heart.
Fortunately, you’ve come very far and you know what to look out for now. The red flags you ignored before, you likely won’t in the future. This post-breakup ordeal has been a valuable lesson for you and your future relationship.
Thanks for reading, David.
Zan