Although the types of breakups on this list are all different, some may still resemble or contain signs of a similar type.
This means that it’s possible a person’s breakup has multiple types and traits.
Without further ado, here are the 10 types of breakups dumpers and dumpees face all over the world.
1)The ugly breakup
The first type of breakup on the list is the ugly breakup. During and after this breakup, the couple argues in very hostile and disrespectful ways.
Couples often resort to verbal assaults, shouting and sometimes even physical fights.
It’s truly an ugly sight to see the two former partners engage in such irrational behavior.
This type of breakup is fierce as it’s heated by emotions—which as a result always ends badly.
2)The mutual breakup
Contrary to the ugly type, the mutual breakup is probably the nicest one on this list.
The couple realizes that the separation has to happen for whatever reason—and so they amicably discuss going separate ways.
For the mutual breakup to be truly mutual, the couple must be emotionally detached prior to the breakup.
This implies that the dumpee or the dumper never emotionally invested in each other or lost interest way before the actual breakup.
Since the couple holds no hard feelings toward each other, they are able to end the relationship peacefully in a respectful and dignified way.
Couples that break up mutually set a good example for what all breakups should look like.
There is no begging, blocking and unfollowing, no contact or anything that shows hurt and anger.
As crude as it sounds, they simply just don’t care about each other romantically.
They can, however, become great friends and friends with benefits.
3)Someone cheated
Cheating is an emotional equivalent of a stabbing in the back—right through the heart.
A person who cheats does so for a reason.
He or she is either unhappy in the relationship and lacks emotional or physical fulfillment or he or she seeks something new and exciting.
Sometimes, there’s a combination of both.
It’s a given that a person who cheats lacks in the loyalty and commitment department. The reason behind treachery usually stems from how a person views himself as well as his partner.
That’s why people with low self-esteem oftentimes have low self-control. And when a person has low self-control, he is much more likely to adore attention and validation from external sources.
He basically becomes the “yesman” to other romantic or sexual opportunities.
4)Loss of attraction
Losing attraction is one of the more common types of breakups out there.
It happens very often in long-term relationships when couples get too comfortable with one another and form routines.
Repeating the same day over and over again makes their relationship dull and drains their lives of adventure and excitement.
Sometimes couples spend too much time with each other and create codependent attachments. By continually being each other’s source of energy and happiness, they prevent their relationships from growing.
As a result of stagnation in the relationship, they eventually get bored and begin to argue about trivial things.
As you know—absence makes the heart grow fonder.
So when couples lose the ability to improve and give each other the space the relationship needs, they gradually begin to lose attraction.
Usually, the codependent person attaches more to his or her partner and sucks the remaining life force out of him or her.
That’s when the breakup occurs and the dumper runs for the mountains, leaving the dumpee in pieces.
5)Fear of commitment
The fear of commitment is one of those types of breakups where someone is afraid of being locked down.
This fear can protrude through the surface due to endless urging by his partner, or just because he doesn’t feel strongly enough about his partner.
People often develop this fear in their childhood and even more often after a bad relationship.
So when a person tells you that he isn’t ready for a relationship, it means that he wants to explore other options and enjoy the single life for a while.
You can tell your boyfriend is not ready to commit if he avoids future topics, brings up his ex very often, and seems to be around only when he needs you.
6)The Unforeseen breakup
Even though we normally receive signs of our romantic relationship coming to an end, we don’t usually notice them until after the breakup.
Unfortunately, we are so oblivious to our partner’s emotions and solely focused on ours that we don’t realize our breakup is right around the corner.
The signs we overlook could be when our partner asks hypothetical breakup questions, spends time with other people, refuses to make plans, or expresses discontent with us.
The unforeseen type of breakup comes out of nowhere, perplexing the dumpee and affecting him or her with a myriad of powerful emotions.
Shock, disbelief, and denial, just to name a few.
7)The first love
The first breakup is the type of breakup that usually hurts the most (depending on who does the dumping of course).
The reason why it hurts the most is because we haven’t learned to deal with emotions of rejection yet. As you know, what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger—and so do breakups.
I believe everyone “should” experience the breakup at least once as a dumpee.
I know it sounds masochistic, but the truth is that the first breakup can actually be a good thing.
After we get broken up with for the first time, we are forced to love ourselves the hard way.
We learn through pain and sorrow incredibly fast, more efficiently and lastingly.
So the sooner we are forced to re-evaluate our lives, the better the long-term results.
8)You saw it coming
This type of breakup can be just as painful as any breakup. Some people see the signs of their romantic relationship coming to an end, so they try to prevent it.
Quickly, they realize they can’t stop their partner from losing attraction or falling in love with someone else.
Sometimes they even break up with their partners first and become “the dumpers” themselves.
But of course, such people still experience the pain of the dumpee as the breakup wasn’t truly their decision.
They were merely put in a situation where they realized they deserve more, so they had to make a brave decision.
9)The breakup caused by distance
Physical distance seldom breaks people up.
Some couples rely on physical intimacy to feel emotionally content. Such feelings stem from their insecurities and are far too complicated for any romantic partner to change.
To solve these deep-rooted cravings, a person needs to do some proper soul-searching and examine why he or she feels the way he or she does.
The dumper that breaks up with the dumpee because of the distance, never truly loved the dumpee for who he or she was.
That dumper merely adored the physical comfort and the benefits that the dumpee provided.
And if by some chance he or she loved the dumpee more than himself or herself, the dumper’s lack of security and emotional stability overwhelmed his or her rational thinking—and caused the breakup.
Some people break up when their relationships become long-distance. They oftentimes meet someone else or express the wish to date a person closer to them.
The only advice I can give to people who get abandoned because their ex wants to explore more available/closer options is to find someone better.
Those dumpees certainly can’t do much worse.
10)The cultural breakup
This type of breakup is most often caused by cultural differences and disapproving families.
It’s one of the hardest types of breakups because there’s usually a third party involved.
Going against parents, family, siblings or guardians is incredibly difficult as it’s completely out of any person’s control.
The most the dumpee and the dumper can do is accept the breakup and wait for things to change for the better (if they ever do).
Because of the complexity of the circumstances in the cultural type of breakup, the dumper and his or her parents’ opinions have to change first.
Something or someone other than the dumpee has to influence their way of thinking before the relationship can start and function again.
What type of breakup did you have? Please leave a comment.
Loss of attraction, unforeseen, cultural.
After 7 years of living together, my Chinese girlfriend was still delaying the marriage because her parents disapproved of me.
This led to lack of trust and hurt on my side, which led to some loss of attraction to her. That, in turn, led to my depression and negativity, which led to her loss of attraction to me.
It was still unexpected because we loved each other deeply and passionately, and were seeing ourselves as inseparable.
Only three days before the breakup she told me she loved me and would never leave me.
Then, two weeks ago, she said her love was gone.
It hurts so much.
Hi Oleg.
I’m sorry that you’re suffering this much. I hope my words comfort you a bit.
Disapproving parents often indirectly cause breakups. They get into their offspring’s minds and cause anxiety and doubt. You need to keep in mind that your girlfriend couldn’t choose between her parents and you. Her family was too important to her to go against it, so she gave in to pressure and sided with them. You both reacted to each other’s dissatisfaction until there was nothing left to react to. At some point, feelings were gone and the breakup happened.
Dumpers often tell their partners they love them just before the breakup. This is their last try to feel something for them again. They know they’re detaching, so they feel bad and try one last time.
Stay strong, Oleg!
Best regards,
Zan
Mine was a cultural breakup. Her controlling older sister had undermined my ex; disapproved of our plans together; rage, lies and manipulation. Her sister showed clear signs of narcissism. My ex dumped me after 10 years together. Her sisters cruelty was too much for my ex, and to save herself from her sister, I had to go.
Hi John.
It’s hard to deal with a disapproving family. Especially if your partner listens to it and falls out of love because of it. Always remember that if you mean something to your partner that she’ll fight for you and tell her family to show some respect.
Kind regards,
Zan
Reading through this thread, it seems my breakup is a mix of many of the listed traits:
– First breakup was ugly and was caused by major argument (No. 1) but we reconciled, too soon, within a month.
– Lack of NC did not allow us to self-reflect and the relationship deteriorated from classic relationship killers (changing directions/goals and un-communicated issues).
– She lost attraction (No. 4), I feared committing myself into a marriage with her (No. 5), she took the first step to end it (No. 8) and I was blindsided (No. 6).
– This was my first long-term/most serious relationship (No. 7) and that our respective disapproving families had a heavy hand on this (No. 10)
3 months into indefinite NC now and I feel better now. It’s still hard thinking how things between us could have worked out better than it did. On personal levels, we had no issues with each others.
Mine was number 8. For a while we we’re best friends, best lovers, best adventurers, best everything. It was a really rewarding relationship that lasted almost 2 years (he even was the one who propposed to me to be a couple). I loved him so much, much more than I have ever loved someone.
We traveled, we got out, we played videogames, we always kept our communication channels opened, and we tried to share as much as possible, while also leaving free “me-time” for each other, in order to keep things healthy. It seemed like a next-to-perfect relationship.
Then, over a period of 3 months, he got out of love. And I’ll never know why. You might guess why… but you’ll never know for sure.
I tried everything in my hands to save things. I talked to him about things, and for a while he told me everything was fine… then told me that there were some “things” he needed to figure out in his mind, while also trying to keep our relationship. And then came the day when all was lost, and he started to increasingly ghost me more and more.
That was the day I decided to confront him, for I knew I deserved better.
He couldn’t even look me in the eye. And out of a mesh of babblings, what I could understand from him is that he was not ready to commit to a relationship, and that he wanted to go out and “experiment”.
I smiled to him, kissed him, and told him that I understood perfectly, that maybe he needed more points of refference, in order to understand what he really expected of life and relationships. Then told him that my love for him was so big, that I knew I needed to let him go, and so did I, I sent him into the unknown, with my blessing, and wishing him good luck.
I cried a lot when giving him that excruciatingly painful last hug.
It’s been a while since I left. And I don’t repent of doing it. Real love just can’t pretend to keep a person in a cage. Real love must be born from freedom of choice… wherever it takes us.
If someone has lived thru something like this, I tell you: you made the right choice. You deserve better. You matter.
I have had exactly the same go on with my ex girlfriend… i was hanging on to a rope with wet hands and have had to let her go… im hurting like crazy as she always said i was everything she had never experienced before in her 47 years. We were so compatible and so connected…
i moved in with her during lockdown which was her idea and i became the man about the house, she and her boys loved it but the stress of my work and business played its toll as after lockdown she over reacted over something so silly that my defences went up and i said i really cant handle more stress and lets break off. A week later i reached out to her but she said it probably run its course as i didnt contact her and she said its for the best. I told her im so in love with her but accepted it and said good luck with your future and asked her to block me on all levels. I have deleted all numbers and texts now
So me and my ex have been separated for over a month now (I’m the dumpee). His reasons were because he didn’t want to commit and didn’t want a relationship anymore and never wanted to settle down. I asked if there was anything that I done or the relationship itself and he said no there wasn’t anything and that the relationship was good and wanted to end it where it was and didn’t want to settle down right now. When we were together 6 months into the relationship he wanted to break it off for the same reasons he said he was scared of how he felt and how it was getting serious but I gave him space then he came back the next day so we were together a further 9 months until the recent split. This time he obviously went through with it.
Through this time we’ve talked back and forth more in regards to getting my things. I didn’t do a lot of begging I only asked him through text if it was what he really wanted and that I wanted to work on things and didn’t want to throw a good relationship away. He told me he wanted it so I said I respect your decision. 3 weeks ago he reached out to me after I collected my stuff from his place as I went into no contact and first sent an indirect text he could of asked anyone and then he asked me if there was anything new with me and spoke for a few days then stopped talking. He’s always been warm with me since we spoke and had good conversation. He made quite a lot of effort to keep the conversation going.
Then on the Saturday after he reached out I made a silly move and text him when i was drunk and essentially booty called him. I wasn’t emotional or upset and didn’t beg him over. He first thought I was phoning to ask for his help getting home but obviously I told him it wasn’t that and he mutually agreed. He came round and walked to mines and then it happened. He stayed over and in the morning it happened again and then we chatted and laughed and talked about things that’s been going on in our lives. I could tell there is still a lot of feelings between us both and could see at times when he looked sad. So a couple hours after he left. Not heard from him, I’ve gone into no contact and has been almost 3 weeks and going to stay that way unless he reaches out. We both agreed it’s best not to do it again and before he left he said ‘I don’t know when I’ll see you again’
What do you think he meant by that? And also do you think that there is potential for the relationship to rebuild and could he come back? I feel like he has commitment issues and that he is scared but can you let me know how you inter prate my situation? I’ve been left feeling confused and it came across to me that he doesn’t know what he truly wants. Your insight would be greatly appreciated and I’m assuming staying in no contact is the best option?
Mine was out of long distance. He said he cannot accept LDR in any case, tho later he admitted that also partly bcz he’s not that into me. Plus he’s known me too short to have enough emotional bonds, and now it’s time to say goodbye…
I’d hold the last hope to ask if it’s possible he will come back in the future in this case, and is he a person worth loving, should I just directly find someone better?
Is this true that if the dumpee forces the break up (8 – You saw it coming), the dumper will experience things the same as a dumpee? I very much sabotaged this relationship deliberately.
Mine was a combination of three of them. First breakup, fear of commitment (on her side) and loss of attraction. We got stuck in our habits, but there were actually some positive changes the last couple of months, which made it unforeseen. Although it’s been months already and I am doing pretty well, I can’t shake the feeling that she gave up too soon. I guess it’s her loss though, because I have grown tremendously over the last couple of months which I am very happy with. 🙂
Thanks for commenting, Erik. Keep growing and improving so that you become unrecognizable even to yourself!
Best of luck,
Zan
Mine was my first break up. And i think it is a combination of emotional cheating since he left me for someone else, maybe becuse he lost attraction and at the same time, we are in a long distance relationship. I also didn’t see it coming. We had no arguments or what so ever, he ask for space because he met someone so i gave him the break up.
Hi again, Jes.
Thanks for leaving a comment. First breakups are usually the hardest—especially when you get cheated on. Stay strong and seek the help you need to get through this.
Kind regards,
Zan
Thank you..