Updated on July 16, 2025
Forced breakups because of parents are some of the most emotionally challenging experiences that many people face across different cultures and generations. When parents disapprove of a relationship, whether because of cultural, religious, educational, financial, or personal reasons, they tend to pressure their child to end the relationship on their terms, even if that’s the last thing their child wants.
They don’t consider their child’s emotional investment, feelings, and the future he or she has envisioned with the new romantic partner.
Such parents are convinced that the person their son or daughter is seeing isn’t a good romantic match for their child and that their child must break up and eventually find a more compatible person. This puts immense pressure on their child and often shoves a wedge between their child and his or her love interest. The couple finds it incredibly difficult to navigate the relationship their parents disapprove of because they’re forced to keep their relationship secret and/or hide their feelings and actions.
Many times, they break up because the relationship becomes emotionally exhausting and causes them to fall out of love.
If your parents forced a breakup on you, you’re in a difficult situation, especially if you’re super close to your parents, still live with your parents, or depend on them financially. In these cases, your parents have power over you and immense influence on you. If you don’t do what they say and choose to stay with your partner despite them telling you to break up, they might make your life difficult by withdrawing certain benefits or support.
They might even kick you out, cut you off, and make you choose between them and your partner. That would obviously put you in a very difficult situation, as no one wants to choose between people who gave them life and a person who gives their life companionship, excitement, and romantic purpose.
Unfortunately, manipulation, threats, or even physical aggression are common, especially in cultures where parents have a final say. In those cultures, it can be extremely challenging to convince headstrong parents to give your partner a chance and slowly change your parents’ perception of him or her. When parents decide they dislike your partner and don’t feel ashamed to tell you that, they’ve already made up their mind. They’ve decided that you’re not a good fit and that you must break up at once.
They aren’t open to discussing things and slowly coming back around. Due to their personality and beliefs, they expect you to avoid resisting their decision and let go of your partner or potential partner.
If you don’t let go of him or her, they’ll likely escalate things further and force you to break up.
A forced breakup because of parents is a truly complex situation. On one hand, you want to please your parents and your partner, but on the other, you have no control over it. Your parents don’t give you much room to maneuver and make decisions for yourself.
Your parents should never meddle with your relationships unless your relationships are unhealthy and need to end for everyone’s sake. They should let you date (of course, at an appropriate age) and let you learn what kind of partner works and doesn’t work for you. No one has the right to tell you that you shouldn’t date someone you like. If you’re attracted to the wrong person, you need to realize it yourself. You must date that person and learn valuable lessons from it.
Your parents don’t know you well enough to truly understand the kind of people you’re attracted to and want to be with. They only see certain aspects of your partner’s overall value. Since they don’t understand your romantic expectations, they need to encourage you to get to know some people and mature through experience. Telling you not to date people THEY dislike, probably without even giving them a chance, is beyond disrespectful. They’re your parents, so if anyone should support you unconditionally, it’s them.
It’s the least they could do for your romantic life. If they can’t support you, they should at least not make your dating difficult. They should step out of your way and avoid judging your romantic partners.
I imagine your parents have such a tight bond with you that they assumed they had the right to tell you what’s right for you and what isn’t—especially if it came at the expense of their own. They chose to prioritize their convictions over your happiness and plans. That means they consider themselves in charge even of your romantic decisions, and that they’ll continue to force breakups on you if your partners don’t meet their expectations.
As long as they think they have a final say, your relationships will be at least partially controlled by them. This might change once you step out of their sphere of influence and control.
If you’re going through a breakup forced by parents, you’re unfortunately caught in a situation beyond your control. It feels like you’re being pulled in two directions—between your love for your partner and your loyalty to your family. You can either make yourself and your partner happy or your parents. Whoever you prioritize in the end, it’s important that the decision reflects your values and not just external pressure.
Either way, expect your decision to be painful and come with consequences.
I can’t tell you who to choose or why because it depends on your unique situation, values, and long-term priorities. If your parents seem open to talking about your chosen partner, perhaps you can talk to them when they’re calm and collected. Tell them that you love them and value their opinion, but that your romantic decisions are yours to make. Convey to them that they and your partner matter to you and that you don’t want to choose one or the other.
You want to organize a meetup and prove to them that your partner can add value to you as well as to them.
Clearly, your parents are worried that your partner won’t make them happy. Due to their beliefs and/or unhealthy perceptions, they’re convinced they’ll be unhappy because of your decision to date the person in question. You may be able to change their perception by having your partner do something to like them. I’m not saying you should bribe them or trick them, but if you show them that your partner has things in common with them and wants to get to know them better, they might not be so quick to judge him or her.
It’s just an idea, but it might be worth giving it a try.
If you do nothing, you’ll be forced to break up with your partner or forced not to get back together if you already broke up. Whether you decide to talk to your parents and dissuade them from forcing you to abandon your relationship or handle their disapproval passively is up to you. But if I were in your shoes and I really loved my partner, I’d talk to my parents and set some boundaries. I wouldn’t want them to make important decisions about my life, such as what I study, where I live, and who I date.
I live in the West, so it’s hard for me to imagine my parents dictating who I can or can’t be with. My culture and family have always encouraged me to choose my own partners and dicover our compatibilities.
If you’re young, live in a place where your parents still provide for you, or have an especially close, but often controlling relationship with your parents, it can be incredibly hard to go against their wishes. Their opinions carry a lot of weight in your life, not just emotionally but also practically. Disobeying them might mean risking financial support, emotional stability, or a place to stay. In such situations, choosing your own path can feel like a betrayal, even when you know deep down you’re not asking for much.
Controlling parents often leave their children feeling paralyzed when it comes to making their own decisions. Over time, they damage their kids’ self-trust and independence. Instead of developing confidence through trial and error, their children grow up fearing failure and seeking approval for even the most personal choices.
In relationships, this can be especially damaging. Love requires autonomy, courage, and a willingness to take emotional risks. If those traits are stifled early on, it becomes difficult to stand up for themselves and their partner when their relationship is at risk.
In today’s post, we discuss what to do when you’re forced to break up because of parents, guardians, or other parental figures.
Forced breakup because of parents
Breakups forced by parents are especially painful because they take away your sense of choice and control. They force you to break up with someone you have a connection with and see yourself staying with long-term. Because you’re emotionally attached and have romantic expectations tied to that person, you experience a loss of hope, separation anxiety, and all the painful consequences that come with a breakup.
You have days when you remember the good times and miss your ex like crazy, and days when you try to justify the breakup and make sense of what went wrong. Your mind flips between longing and rationalizing, trying to protect you from the pain of something you didn’t fully choose.
If you’ve found yourself in a breakup forced by your parents, you’re dealing with a unique kind of pain—one that blends heartbreak with powerlessness. It makes you want to either win your parents’ approval or become someone who no longer needs it. If you’re not in a position to be fully independent, you’re going to struggle because you’ll be afraid of opposing your parents and disappointing them. You’ll feel tempted to do what they say just to avoid arguing with them.
Now, if you’ve built a family with the person you love, the decision becomes a no-brainer. You must always choose your spouse and children over your parents’ judgment. You shouldn’t leave your partner and make things difficult for the kids. Your partner and children are your new priority—and they should be treated that way.
But if you’re still young (let’s say 16 – 21), then your parents might have a final say. This, of course, depends on your cultural and religious background as well as the kind of relationship you have with your parents.
Your parents are the ones making all the important decisions in your life because you’re still so young and may not know what’s best for you yet. Perhaps in that case, it’s best to listen to them and focus on things they want you to focus on. They may not be okay with you dating anyone, not just your current partner. Maybe they want you to finish school or other responsibilities before you start dating. I don’t know what the logic behind their reasoning is, but if you’re not standing on your own two feet yet, it makes sense why they feel the need to tell you what’s best for you.
This is especially true if they always told you what to do and not to do.
Many parents around the world tell their kids who they should and shouldn’t date. While some do so out of genuine concern, others project their own fears, prejudices, or unfulfilled dreams onto their children. In cultures where family honor or tradition holds significant weight, this control can be especially intense. It can feel suffocatingly controlling, as if your personal choices are constantly being monitored and judged.
Because of their incessant need for control, many couples get tired of being disapproved of an choose their parents in the end. Some even start to despise their partners due to the pain their parents make them feel.
Controlling parents often overlook love and compatibility. They don’t see that their son or daughter truly loves his or her partner and wants to be in a serious commitment with that person. Despite what their child craves and needs, they stay set on their decision and expect their child to do what they say. This gives them control over their child’s life and makes them his or her child’s top priority.
Some parents get jealous of the attention they’re missing out on. In many cases, moms feel ignored or replaced, so they create exaggerated concerns about why the new partner isn’t right for their child. They’re not looking out for their child’s best interest, but their own because they’re scared of finding their own purpose in life.
Needless to say, they act like they’re in a relationship with their child and feel scared of losing him or her to someone else. Such parents are usually separated and have very little social interaction in their lives (feel lonely). Or, they’re too close to their child and fear losing control over him or her (possessiveness). They’re afraid of change and what may happen when their child fully grows up.
If your parents forced a breakup on you despite your desire to stay in the relationship, they expressed dissatisfaction with your timing, your choice of partner, or the fact that you were emotionally distancing yourself from them. If you’re old enough to make your own decisions, they judged your partner based on their own biases, fears, or expectations. They may have disapproved of your partner’s background, career, religion, personality, family, lifestyle, vices, or even something as superficial as appearance.
Sometimes they’re just worried you’ll get hurt or make the wrong choice. Other times, it’s more about control, pride, or thinking they know what’s best for you—whether you agree or not.
If they’re just worried you’ll get hurt, they’ll probably change their mind when you assure them you can handle the worst. But if they’re prideful, stubborn, and determined they’re right and you’re wrong, then you likely won’t change their mind no matter how politely you explain things. One of the hardest things in life is changing people’s deeprooted beliefs.
Especially when those beliefs are backed by anger, resentment, disgust, and other strong negative emotions.
That said, here’s what makes breakups forced by parents so difficult.
My parents want me to break up with my boyfriend/girlfriend
In some countries, it’s common for parents to approve or disapprove of their child’s dating choices, so trying to change that tradition might not be realistic or fair. It may be better to accept your fate and simply do what your parents want. Tell them you don’t agree with their decision but that you respect it nonetheless. It’s better not to oppose their beliefs, especially if you’re relying on them for basic human needs such as food, shelter, and clothes.
However, if you live on your own, take care of your own needs, and come from a culture where you’re free to make your own romantic decisions, then your choices deserve to be respected. You must be brave and tell your parents you’ve developed a unique bond with your partner—and that they’ll have to respect it whether they like it or not. If they want to reassess things, you can talk about the things that bother them and look for a solution if there is one. But if they insist on not wanting you to be with your partner, then you can decrease the number of times you see your parents, see them without your partner, or not see them at all.
The last option is especially difficult because we’re talking about people who raised you. But sometimes even people closest to us make unreasonable, selfish demands that serve them more than they serve us. When that happens, it may be appropriate to distance ourselves from them and justify it by telling ourselves that we deserve romantic happiness, just like them, and that it’s a fundamental human need.
If your parents aren’t happy that you’re happy, it’s hard to imagine them appreciating your connection with your partner. They don’t know or care how you feel, so explaining it to them won’t change anything. It probably would have changed it by now if it could have.
If you haven’t talked to them about your happiness, your compatibility with your partner, and your ability to handle the diifficulties that come from being in a relationship, tell them what they want to hear. But if you tried it already and failed, it may not leave you any other option but to decide whether to listen to your parents’ opinion or your feelings.
Just know that whoever you choose in the end, there will be consequences. Choosing your parents may give you a sense of loyalty, but it will also leave you feeling powerless, guilty, anxious, and heartbroken. On the other hand, choosing your partner could create tension or distance, or perhaps even cause you to stop talking.
If you stay with your partner despite your parents’ disapproval, chances are it will affect your relationship and eventually trigger a breakup. When parents disapprove of their child’s relationship, they hurt their child and cause their child to associate stress with their partner. When a lot of stress has piled up, he or she often begins to wonder if pain will disappear when he or she initiates the breakup. Such thoughts often lead to a loss of feelings and a breakup.
This is a serious issue, so don’t sweep it under the rug and think your parents will eventually accept your partner. Without some major changes in their perspective or life circumstances, they’re unlikely to let go of their negative views and accept your partner into the family. It might take them years to come around—if they ever do. Things are too uncertain for you to keep hoping and waiting. It’s not good for you and your partner’s well-being to be in a relationship with disapproving parents.
If you decide to stay together despite that, make plans on what to do when/if your parents kick you out, stop supporting you, or pressure you with threats or ultimatums. If you don’t have the answer for it and lack the willpower to persevere, it may be best to end things now, especially if you know how persistent your parents can be.
Winning people’s recognition won’t be easy
If you’re a regular reader of this blog, you probably already know that chasing someone’s recognition is one of the most degrading things you can put yourself through. Chasing, begging, and walking on eggshells places your self-worth in someone else’s hands and makes you feel like you have to earn somethin as basic as respect and acceptance. The more you try to prove yourself, the more you fail and the more powerless and unimportant you feel.
Slowly, you become afraid of rejection, shape yourself into someone you think they want you to be, and lose your dignity.
The only reason, for example, that you are not a rattlesnake is that your mother and father weren’t rattlesnakes. You deserve very little credit for being what you are.
Dale carnegie
Everyone deserves a fair chance based on their internal qualities. People should be respected for who they are, not the external fortunes they possess. Sure, having a stable job is important, but that alone doesn’t define a person’s true value. At least not to the right people. The right people will value you for the person you are and your ability to take care of them/their child.
They’ll see past your exterior, including your job title, income, background, or appearance and instead, focus on who you are at your core and recognize kindness, emotional intelligence, loyalty, and how you treat others. Loving/accepting people value connection over status and substance over surface. You won’t need to impress them because just being yourself will be enough.
I realized this way too late—after my relationship ended. If I realized it sooner, I would have never gotten into a relationship, knowing my partner’s parents didn’t like me.
Just as you deserve limited credit for who you are at your core, so do your and your partner’s parents. They became who they are largely because of the society they grew up in, the way they were raised, their mindset, and countless other factors—many of which were outside their control.
People usually form an opinion of someone within seconds. They quickly assess whether the person is visually appealing, observe his or her body language, and notice how he or she speaks. Changing this opinion isn’t easy. It takes not just time, but also an open mind. Parents can change their opinion of their child’s dating interest by lowering their expcations and understanding that their child is capable of making important decisions on his or her own.
My partner’s parents want us to break up
If your partner’s parents dislike you and insist that you should break up, the situation can be even more difficult than if your own parents were pushing for the breakup. When your partner is pressured to leave you, you have even less control over what happens. You can only hope that your partner loves you, convinces his or her parents that you’re a worthy partner, or chooses you over them. It’s much more personal because you know that even if you stay together despite their disaproval, your boyfriend’s or girlfriend’s parents will continue to disapprove of you and want you gone.
Whether you stay together or break up, you’ll end up paying the price—simply because your partner’s parents disapprove of you. It’s unfair that you’ll suffer at the hands of people who shouldn’t be involved in your relationship.
I’ve been in a relationship where my girlfriend’s parents disapproved of me, so I know firsthand that it’s anything but fun. I remember having to hide every time her parents video called or came to visit. I never fully understood why they didn’t like me (I suspect it might have been my background), but what I do know is that it made the entire experience stressful and disheartening. Instead of talking and bonding with her parents, I worried about whether they would ever change their opinion about me.
That relationship didn’t work out for a number of reasons, but after the breakup, I made a promise to myself, which is that I’ll only date people whose family genuinely approves of me. I don’t need their validation, but I do need my partner to be surrounded by supportive people who approve of our relationship. I don’t want opposing friends, coworkers, acquaintances, or family members to add stress to my relationships.
Relationships are difficult enough as they are. When parents get involved and demand things, they seldom end well.
So ask yourself if you want to be in a relationship where your partner’s parents dislike you. Do you want to hide, pretend you’re friends, or worry about what parents think about you? You may be in love and attached, but feelings won’t fix your messy situation. They will worsen it because they’ll prevent you from thinking rationally.
Think long and hard about being with a person whose parents dislike you. If you acted strangely or inconsiderately, you can probably change their mind by apologizing and telling or showing them you’ve learned their lesson. But if they’ve formed a negative opinion of you basically for no real reason, then it’s unlikely that they’ll slowly see you differently, no matter how hard you try.
When people dislike you, they tend to stick to their opinion, especially when there’s more than one of them reinforcing it.
How to deal with a forced breakup because of parents?
Getting your parents to like your boyfriend or girlfriend won’t be easy. Whether you succeed depends largely on how open-minded your parents are and how skilled you are at communicating and winning people over. If you can get them to sit down and open their hearts to you, they may see that you truly care about your partner and want to do whatever it takes to stay together.
If explaining to them and showing them that you love your partner with all your heart doesn’t convince your parents to give your relationship a chance, you can try to include your partner in their life and encourage them to bond. It won’t be easy for them to interact, but if they get to know one another better, they may be able to see that they have more things in common than they initially thought.
Your boyfriend or girlfriend should also try to apologize for upsetting them. Sometimes an apology can lower parents’ defenses and change their minds.
The problem you’re likely to face is that your parents won’t agree to see your partner, let alone talk to him or her. They’ll insist that they have nothing to say to your partner and that you must do what they say. In that case, you should give up on changing their mind in the short term. They won’t come around because they’re not the kind of people you can reason with. When they decide they don’t like someone, they don’t like him or her, period.
You should let them believe what they want and make your own decision:
- Either continue the relationship without their approval or knowledge—and risk losing their support.
- Or break up with your partner.
Are your parents forcing you to break up with your boyfriend or girlfriend? What are you going to do if they don’t approve? Comment below.
And if you’re looking for help with disapproving parents, reach out to us by subscribing to coaching.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
My boyfriend of 1 year left me because his parents didn’t approve and said he doesn’t want me anymore.Well, 3 months later, he calls me and said he missed our relationship and he was somehow able to get his parents on board with our relationship to approve of us getting engaged. I accepted him back into my life with the condition that 1) he never leaves me again no matter how hard things get, and 2) he needs to propose by 3 months of us getting back together (this would be end of May). He agreed to both conditions.
when we got back, he also asked me if I had seen anyone those 3 months we were apart. I instantly said no, but then I remembered I did talk to someone briefly, it was very surface level conversations and we only went out to dinner a couple times before I realised I wasn’t interested and cut off contact (this is before my ex came back). I realised I should probably tell him there was someone I did go out with a couple times but it was nothing serious, we were not in a relationship so I didn’t even think it was worth bringing up, but then I realised I should just tell him to clear my conscious. The same night I was going to tell him about this (this is about 2 weeks after we got back together) he asked me how do I know this person? (Apparently they are part of the same social circle and that guy had mentioned my name) I immediately came clean and said this is someone I went out on a couple dates with but it was nothing serious. He got furious that I had lied to him again. This has been a huge issue that he had not been able to overcome or forgive me. I realise I made a mistake and I should have been truthful, I have apologised many times and admitted fault, but he still hasn’t gotten past this and it has been 2 months now. He’s still upset with me and says this is a breech of trust and he can’t trust me again. He even suggested couples therapy. Last weekend, I told him that may is approaching and I’m going to need a ring soon (this is what we had agreed upon getting back together with him) he told me to give him a week to think about it. He got back after a few days and says that he is not ready to propose right now and he won’t be ready soon either. When I told him this isn’t fair to me, he says that he doesn’t want me to wait around in case it never happens. I completely go off on him and request to meet in person. He said that it’s better we take a 2 month break and he needs to seriously re-evaluate this relationship.
Hi Jenny.
There are no breaks in a relationship. He either takes control of his emotions and commits or doesn’t. By the looks of it, he’s struggling with controlling his anger and lacks the ability to see why you lied about not seeing anyone when you were single. He sees it as a breach of trust rather than you feeling guilty and not wanting to jinx things.
He left twice now, so think hard about whether this is someone you want to be with. From what you’ve said, he appears very emotion-driven and lacks the ability to handle life difficulties.
Best regards,
Zan
My 40 year old boyfriend left me because his mom gave him an ultimatum. He said the constant fights with his parents made him change his feelings about me and he does not want me anymore and doesn’t love me since his mom doesn’t approve?
the only reason his mom doesn’t approve of me is because of a trip we took together that he promised me his parents would never find out and they ended up finding out because of mistakes he made. Hence, once his mom found out we went on a trip together this made her disapprove of me, and issued him an ultimatum to leave me otherwise he will be cut off from the family. He left me after a year of dating. He knew my purpose was marriage from the first day.. but said he cannot go against his family and wants their blessing to get married. I feel he betrayed me because his mom was fine with me in the beginning, once she found out we went on a trip together this made her hate me and sees me as unfit for her son. He promised to protect me and promised me no one from his family would find out, but his mom did some digging and she found out. Then once she told him we disapprove of her, he tried to fight back but ultimately they gave him an ultimatum and he chose them and left me. I feel so betrayed. What does this even say about his character? I feel he threw me and everything we had together under the bus for his family.
Hi Jenny.
Unfortunately, his family’s recognition is more important to him than your love. He must have a close bond with them and is afraid of disappointing them. That’s why family members should not be too involved in their offspring’s romantic relationships. They should be supportive.
It sucks that he tossed you aside a year into the relationship, but it’s better now than later. Some people string their partner along for years.
I suggest you give him the space he asked for. Don’t message or call him. If he changes his mind, he knows where to find you.
Best regards,
Zan
My boyfriend broke up with me because his parents disapprove of me and his mom told him it’s either us or her. He told me he’s conflicted on whether to move far away or just end things with me. 2 weeks ago he ended things with me saying “I don’t want you” we are not meant to be after a very big fight with multiple family members. He used to tell me we are perfect for each other. He said his parents took the sparkle in his eye that he had for me. What should I do? Is there a chance he will come back?
Hi Bella.
His parents gave him an ultimatum – and he chose them. There is a chance, but a small one. Would you really want to commit to a person whose family disapproves of you? It’s hard, but it may be better to be with someone who fights for you and has approving parents.
You should keep your distance until he changes his mind and returns. Don’t talk to him.
Kind regards,
Zan
this hit hard. my boyfriend and i have been dating for a year. i’ll give some background, around this time last year i walked into class and met my now boyfriend ever since then we have been together, we later found out he went to preschool with my brother and our parents have know each other for years. At the beginning of the relationship things were great with his parents they loved me and they were always texting him and asking how i was doing almost everyday they always made me feel welcome. As usual teen relationships we catch ourselves arguing often about stupid things that don’t really matter. I admit that we have both said and done things that weren’t right and never should’ve happened but I feel as if the important part was we learned from it and we were trying to improve it. Recently his parents have been taking his phone almost every night and reading all of our texts, they read messages from an argument we had about his friend. I saw on his messages about a month ago of his friend talking very poorly of me to him, my bf didn’t agree with him but he also didn’t defend me either. i got pretty upset and right after this happened he decided to go to lunch with them instead of me and i blew up, anyways they read the messages started calling me controlling and ever since then things have been horrible. Him and I had been on edge constantly worrying because his parents had mentioned literally forcing him to break up with me. This past weekend his parents went on a trip just the two of them and he hung out with me and his mom flipped out and said she supposed said he wasn’t aloud to hangout with me and he said he never heard her say this and i believe him because i feel as if she told him this he would’ve mentioned it. He said right when they got home they took his phone went into his room and took everything he ever had from me and then all of his belongings from his room and threw it out of the house. They then took his phone for two days and randomly the other night i got the dreaded text. his parents forced him to leave me they said if he didn’t leave me they would take everything, kick him out, make him buy his own phone and pay his phone bill, they also told him once he turns 18 in a few months they wouldn’t be his family anymore. like WTF. I believe they are having a hard time accepting he’s growing up and they are losing control over him in some ways, i also feel as if his mom is the jealous type and is jealous her baby boy is in love. We have been secretly dating at school and they have no idea, he is not aloud to text me at all and his friends are also against us. My parents are pretty upset as they believe that we have to live and learn and they need to allow him to make his own relationship decisions to find out what works and what doesn’t, my mom said it hurts her as a parent to see me like this because i’ve been dealt a pretty shitty hand in relationships and this one is amazing in my opinion other than this. he has been trying to have mature conversations in hopes of them letting him date me again but i’m starting to believe there’s no hope for us. he is hoping i’ll date him in secret for as long as it takes and i feel as if this would be unrealistic. HELP!!!
Hi Av.
You’re in quite a difficult situation. His parents don’t want him to date you, so they’re prepared to do anything to break you up (even threaten him with eviction and buying his own things). The guy fortunately, doesn’t agree with them and is willing to fight for the relationship.
You must ask yourself if you’re willing to have such parents in law. It can be extremely stressful not to have the support you deserve from your partner’s most important and highly involved parents. Personally, I wouldn’t be in a relationship like that, but you’re free to make your own decisions.
You’re still young, so you have a lot to learn. I encouage you to have a talk with your boyfriend. See what he thinks and what he’s going to do if his parents pressure him. When they find out you’re still dating, they’ll probably threaten him again. He could dump you in an effort to please his parents.
So make sure to think things through before you settle for a relationship in which you must hide publicly.
Kind regards,
Zan
Hi
Idk if my situation fully applies because I never got to date my potential boyfriend. But earlier this year, me and my best friend of almost 3 years now started becoming interested in each other. All of our mutual friends saw it for months, my parents seemed to really like him, and we finally confessed to loving each other in March. We started talking about pursuing a relationship (for about a week) and he wanted to tell my parents his intentions. I was excited and so was he, we had been leading up to this moment for months. But before we planned on telling them, we had a big get together with our friends (shortly after this talk) and after we started to leave to go eat, I got in his car since he offered to take me to the place. Little did we know that my mother was in the same parking lot and was spying on me. She saw me in his car and immediately called me and we both were shocked at her response. She immediately told me that she was disappointed in me and that she was taking me home. We both just sat in shock and I just cried in confusion. After this event, my parents told me they never want me and my friend to get together because he “isnt christian enough” (I am a christian and so is he, which made it even more confusing). We both thought it would be fine with my parents since they always seemed to love him whenever they saw him. For months, my parents would continually bring him up and never let me move on. Me and him kept in contact for a while, and after about 5 months, we were just exhausted dealing with my parents (They treated him like dirt, always talking him down, even his mom called them to understand what was going on and she left the conversation in tears), so we decided to just take a break from each other until it starts to smooth over. We reconnected about a month ago (early October) and are good friends again, but my parents still despise him and dont even want me near him. He doesn’t like my parents because of how they treated him and his mother, and I cant blame him. They also continually shame me for even considering him as a boyfriend and have just become unbearable. I just feel horrible that it ever happened to him, he doesn’t deserve anything like that and the whole situation was so upsetting. We have started to move on from our potential relationship, but its hard to fully because there was no closure, and he doesn’t want to put me in a tough spot by dating me, because it would just be unrelenting trashtalk from my parents…I just dont know what to do.
Hi Z.
You’re in a tough situation because your parents became hateful towards him. They have trashtalked him so much and for so long that it’s become impossible for them to calm down and see him in a better light. They associate negativity with him and won’t open their hearts to him again.
You can either be with him secretly or do what your parents say. This is a decision you have to make alone.
Kind regards,
Zan
Hi
I’m so stressed and tired in these days because my parents are forcing me to break up with my boyfriend. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 1 year and 2 months and we really love each other. Honestly there’s no main problem between us but the only problem is between my parents. They don’t like my boyfriend and they really want me to break up with him because he is poor and he has to support his parents forever. My parents told me that they don’t want me to live poorly in future and if I don’t break up with him, they will stop supporting me and my education.I’m still in university so I can’t do anything against them. But I know my boyfriend really loves me and we plan to marry one day. He is a good person but my parents ignore him because of his financial and family background. His family also love me as their daughter. I know my parents are selfish and stubborn so I explained them about my boyfriend and his family but they don’t change their mind. and I’m really happy with my boyfriend and we don’t want to break up. So what should I do? Can you advise me?
Hi Ruth.
You either go against your parents or do what they say. Those are your only options. Of course, you could hide the relationship from them, but that would be awful for you and everyone involved. The decision is yours to make. I live in the west, so I would explain why my partner is important to me and cease communication with them if they don’t support me and value my feelings.
Kind regards,
Zan
SHOULD I CONTINUE PURSUING HER NOW OR EVEN IN FUTURE WHEN I MET HER or TO MOVE ON AND IMPROVE?
THIS IS VERY SPECIFIC SCENARIO AND I NEED YOUR OPINIONS ABOUT THIS.
I’m from Philippines and my girlfriend and I is 18 years old and entering college this August 2023. We are both living on our parents and they are the ones funding us for our college tuition and expenses (I have a side hustle and freelancer so I can buy my things, but she doesn’t have any side hustles or job).
It started when I asked her out on February 2022, we started talking since December but I start having a courage to ask her out in February. After that her initial reaction is she’s scared because her parents is so strict. Moving on to March 12, 2023. She turn 18 years old and I thought that’s the time when she is gonna introduce me to her parents but It didn’t happen. I just go to her birthday and just casually talk her parents and her relatives. Then of course there’s birthday message from her parents is and one message that stood out to me is to “FOCUS ON YOUR STUDIES AND YOU SHOULD NOT ENGAGE IN ANY RELATIONSHIP WHILE YOU ARE STILL ON COLLEGE”.
After that celebration, I just cried outside her house and that is the time she said that we are official despite that her parents didn’t want her to have a boyfriend. Then after a week she should introduce me to her parents but they have an argument about family problems and it affect our plans to introduce me, it affects a lot. After their family problem argument, her parents said that we should stop this and move on now.
After the day they argued she’s so dry to me and don’t know what to say. But she say it anyway that she’s afraid that I might leave her if I know that her parents disapproved me. But that is the moment that we show commitment, we became strong and continue our relationship despite of her parents decision. After 1 week of argument, her father saw me that we are together in our school and it leads into physical harm and they confiscated her phone. We can still talk by the use of her laptop we communicate. THEN after a week of that scenario, its last week of March 2023, they caught us talking again and that is the time it became serious. Her parents talk to our adviser that we should be separated. We didn’t talk for 2 days and we are so scared to lose our relationship. But after 3 days we finally talk and we agree that we are going into private relationship and will create dump account or separate account because her parents is suspicious and they are checking her phone everyday. Her privacy is fvck up. But we didn’t stop
From April 2023 – June 16, 2023 we are on private relationship but we breakup with me.
Thursday night they talk about the college entrance exam in one of the schools she’s applying and and her parents open up that one of the universities she’s applying, I also applied and the information comes from her cousin. After that her parents became suspicious that we might still talking. They said that they will not gonna fund her college tuition and expenses and she might evicted from her home is we are still talking. But this time because we have plans that we are gonna limit our time talking when her parents comes home from work, they didn’t cause us talking. BUT her friends conversation topic is all about me. So, her parents is very suspicious to her and harm her like she’s not her child.
Now she has trauma from physical and verbal abuse from her parents.
She now decide to breakup with me and didn’t fight for our relationship. I know that she’s type of woman that doesn’t fling because of her parents is so strict. I am the only one who pursue her and treat her like a queen. But she still breakup with me.
Should I continue pursuing her now or even in future when I met her or move on and improve?
She said that she don’t have any vision right now to start any forms of relationship or talking stage because she is traumatized from the situation. She doesn’t assure me now and in future that we might comeback because her vision and emotion is very fcked up. I know that she has a goal in our relationship before, “LONGEVITY” and “TEAMWORK”.
Now, I am confused because she didn’t throw away the things I gave to her and our picture. She kept it and didn’t want to throw away. It still gives me hope but I am confused. We love each other and we have plans to marry each other because that’s our plan and that is how I like her. But her parents disapproved us. What should I do?
Hi Your love and constant.
Improving yourself isn’t going to fix this problem. Her parents won’t see you in a different light because they think it’s too early for her to date. You should give her space as she doesn’t want to keep going against her parents. The girl needs to come back on her own. And she’ll do that only if she thinks that fighting with her parents is worth the suffering.
Kind regards,
Zan
Hi everyone,
I have been with him for four years. We lived together through all of college our bachelors and masters. He is my everything. Literally treats me amazing. Ive never wondered what someone else would be like its nothing like that. We genuinely love each other. Hes arab and his parents don’t approve of me. I know he fought as hard as he could for me over the four years. I believe he loves me. But why couldn’t he choose me? I was wondering but this article helped me accept it a little bit more. I was willing to change my whole career path and move to be with him because I thought that was my fault. He’s always hesitant to say he will go with me to med school. But after he broke up with me that was the most confident assured face I have ever seen when he said I dont have a doubt in my mind I would have gone with you anywhere. I needed that type of love and he gave it to me. Does that make it easier or harder to let go? Our love was so complete and epic but the last few chapters where the happy ending go were ripped out. I saw ripped and not burned because his parents can put it back together. They can glue them in. There will always be a tare but im okay with that. I want any part of him. I cant be his friend though. I cant be used to get over him. I want him to know my big life events though. I want to celebrate and cry with him. This is one of the biggest turning points in my career and he’s going to miss it. I wont have that memory. Everything was over the phone. He needs me to let him go. Accept that this decision is final. I cant let go of the hope that if I just talked to his parents they would find some peace with me being indian. Like the values are close enough. I want to go back in time when he was here and hold him as tight as I can. Or at least one last hug. I want to contact his parents so bad. But he’s the one who broke up with me not him. Im pretty sure they wouldn’t disown him they arent like that. He could choose me. But he’s not ready for the idea of forever. We’re too young (23). And taking that risk when it very well couldn’t work out but honestly we’ve had enough serious fights and lived together for years that all the major issues are gone. We have fought for us at the last turn and won every battle. We lost the war. I need some to have him read this blog. Did he even consider going against them? He must have I know him. I dont know what consequences scare him. We arent the same person. I dont know everything. I wish I did. I wish someone could comfort him because this wasnt an easy choice and idk how to let go but I will for him. If you love something let it go right? Ironic that I have to do that but his parents dont.
Hi Upoosh.
He probably went against his parents for a while, but eventually, stopped resisting them and did what they asked of him. The guy doesn’t fight for love the way you do. His parents are authoritative figures in his life and he doesn’t dare to say no to them. I know it’s tough, but you need to give him space as space is what he’s asked for.
Sincerely,
Zan
Me and my boyfriend have been dating secretly for about 7 months. He broke up with me today because his dad found out we are dating and he doesn’t approve of me because I am not a certain race/religion. I am honestly devastated and I don’t know what to do. I really love my boyfriend and I just can’t help but feel like us breaking up because of this is so unfair. I want to hope we can be together again someday
Hi Why.
I’m sorry to hear this. Your ex-boyfriend clearly doesn’t want to go against his dad. He knows that arguing with him would be pointless and that he should accept his fate.
Best wishes
Zan
so my life has been a bit rough since the start and as things were getting better for me i was able to find someone who i want to spend my life with i know it seems a bit rushed to think that way but for me he is the one and the only one i would like to spend my life with, we have dated for a yr and a few months ago my parents made me move with them to another state away from my bf, i am currently 18 and i am now considered as an adult here in america, but theyre rule is that age is just a number and in theyre eyes i am not fit to make any important decisions on my own, they r stubborn immigrant parents and i love them even though i have been hurt by them countless times, i dont want to make them disappointed in me and not love me since i am going against wat they deem is fit for me, i want to live my life and at least have the power to decide things within my relationship. since moving i have been pushed and constantly tormented by my mother that she and my father both disapprove of my relationship because we have moved a few states away from him and they deem him unfit for me even though since the start they doted on him on how he is attractive, how he is able to take care of himself at 19 alone, how he is smart and kind, how they feel bad that his parents left him alone to fend for himself and he is so strong that he can be this successful on his own. they even helped him and bought him various items he needed that they didnt have to do for him. for example we gave him a rabbit and for him to be able to keep in it his apartment he had to pay a $500 dollar fine in which my parents gave him full in cash, they even promised us months before moving that he was allowed to come and visit for christmas and new yrs, they took it all back cus idk y but i assume it is because they realized they let me go too much to where i can not be taken away from them, i am considered theyre possession in theyre words i am their child that they gave so much to me that i am being ungrateful to think i can be with the man i truly love, so i must not be taken. they are set for me to break up with him soon, ive been putting it off but i have been given a deadline of about a month to go thru with it for their wants to be met so i can not be pestered any longer. i feel like my parents know that this relationship, although i am considered young, means a lot to me and has given me more happiness than they ever showed me, i want to be with him for as long as i am able to cus i see a future with him that i havent seen with anyone else. so far i plan on hiding that i am still with him just so they can not hurt me or threaten me anymore, they r head strong and absolutely impossible to persuade, they truly will never change theyre minds so the only way to make them happy is to give in but just enough to where i can be sane and have one thing in my life that i can look forward to since nothing else is, i have done everything they wanted i want to be enough but in theyre eyes nothing is enough for them. is that something i should do i need help i want to have something in my life that makes me happy, but i want my parents to love me and not threaten me so i am stuck and i feel lik that is the only thing i can do at this point after trying for months to change theyre mind, my bf is a good man with no malice so it is shocking how out of no where my parents changed theyre minds because they want me to themselves and at the same time they want me to go around and explore my life with a lot of people to find the one? i dont understand how they are able to believe that they know that for me how they know how i feel and who i love, they act as if they r inside my head and know every thought i have, idk i just need someones opinions from outside my friends and bf i need a third point of view to get thru this.
Hi Dharma.
You only have a few options. You can talk to your parents and try to change their minds. You can stay with your boyfriend and hope that they change their mind later. Or you can listen to your parents and break up. It’s a hard decision to make because your parents’ opinion and happiness matter to you. People can be very stubborn, so know that the more you try to prove you’re right, the more they could resist it and develop resentment as a result.
I would probably stay with my partner and when I’m old enough, move out and be with him. That’s when I would tell them and involve them. But until then, I’d keep things between me and my partner.
Kind regards,
Zan
Hi, I am from a SE asian family. Both me and my gf are 26. We are from the same race. We both love each other very much. We have been together since we started professional school together at 23. It was strong friendship that turned into love and talks about future marriage. I told my partner about my own family situation that my mom is strict because she doesn’t want me to lose the inheritance that she spent working hard to build up all her life. My partner likes to vent to me and I understand the venting isn’t serious just emotional. She vented that she didn’t like how I was being helicopter parented at this age. I tried to introduce her to my parents after 3 years and my parents were skeptical due to her background of divorced parents. Then, my parents saw the private venting texts and are absolutely against her coming into the family. I really love her. But my mother doesn’t like her at all and took everything personally. What should I do? Is my relationship forever over?
Hi Zade.
You should decide whether your parents’ acceptance of your partner is important to you. If it is, see if you can convince them to give it a go. But if they stay hateful, then you either accept that and stay in a relationship despite their disapproval or break up. You have a decision to make.
Kind regards,
Zan
My girlfriend just broke up with me, and I suspect that her parents’ disapproval of me played a significant role in that decision.
There is a considerable age difference between us (I’m 20 years older), as well as cultural differences (I’m a Westerner, she’s an East Asian). Right from the beginning, her parents refused to even consider the possibility of ever accepting me. They refused to meet me and never mentioned me in any conversation with their daughter (they live in a different city). She was only 19 when we got together, and they were furious that she began dating a much older man. Despite that, we managed to stay together for 7 years – mostly very happy ones. We were both deeply and passionately in love with each other.
Yet lately, I’ve become somewhat restless and frustrated. Year after year passed, and our plans to get married and have a baby got delayed further and further. Each time, she said, “wait till my parents approve of you”. And each time, they didn’t.
Then, this summer she told me she’d marry me no matter what. Needless to say, I was overjoyed. But then she went to see her parents in her hometown and it turned out she needed some documents from them to get married, which they refused to give her. So the marriage was, again, delayed indefinitely.
I took it pretty hard. I became depressed. I’m afraid that this damaged my trust in my girlfriend and created negative feelings in me. Things deteriorated quickly. Our sex life, which was remarkably satisfying and passionate all those years, became non-existent. The atmosphere got heavy. I’d have sudden outburst of negativity, blame her in harsh words, and proclaim my unhappiness.
A week ago, she said that her love to me was gone and that this relationship was over.
I’m still trying to figure out whether it was her parent’s pressure or my pressure that drove her to that.
Maybe it was both.
Part of me madly hopes that I can still get her back somehow. I’m 46 years old and I was in love many times, but I’ve never felt such tenderness as I have towards that girl.
Is there anything I can do?
Thank you for your help.
Hi Oleg.
It was both your pressure as well as her parents’ pressure that led to the destruction of the relationship. Love could only withstand so much before it succumbed to negativity. You must understand that she wanted to marry you very badly but couldn’t because of her parents. She didn’t want to disappoint them, so she gave in and let the relationship go. She figured everyone would be happier.
At the moment, there isn’t much you can do. She may have gotten pressured by her parents, but she still made the decision to leave. She wasn’t happy. You must let her be so she can recover and see whether she’s made the right decision.
Stay strong,
Zan
“The dumper often becomes cold and distant as a result of a breakup. And the breakup caused by parents is no different.”
This gives me a new perspective into what happened in my situation. The girl I was dating was madly in love with me and all we talked about was getting married and spending our lives together. I’ve never had someone love me so deeply but it all changed when we decided to get engaged and her parents disapproved. Her parents initiallty liked me when I met them for the first time at her home and they even agreed to meet me at my apartment to be at our engagement. But 2 days later, her sister called and told me the wedding was off since her family thought I wasn’t the right fit for her and they would her husband to be well established and a citizen. I’m a new immigrant to Canada but I’m doing very well financially but it wasn’t enough to convince her parents.
What hurt the most is how quickly she turned cold and didn’t even try to communicate with me about the situation and just blocked all lines of communication. It’s hard to accept someone could get turned by their family so easily and give up on the relationship without even saying goodbye.
@Zan Do you this she will ever have a soft corner for me and understand it wasn’t my fault? or is she more likely to completely forget about me and move on?
Hi again, psyoptica.
Whether she comes back probably depends on the guys she dates in the future. They could make her realize she gave up on someone worthwhile.
Kind regards,
Zan
Hi psyoptica.
Her parents’ approval meant a lot to her. So much so that she took their side right away and didn’t even try to fight for what she believed in. I think you should take that seriously as someone who thinks independently should have discussed things with you and fought for you.
Best regards,
Zan
im from pakistan,my dad has always been v strict with me..he’s making me break up with my boyfriend cuz he doesnt approve and marry another man from canada,im in thick soup here..my boyfriend and i really love eachother and it would effect us deeply to go thru with this situation,i dont ever wanna give up on him..I’d rather have hope for us than no hope at all but if i get married i have to move abroad and i can have a future there…here i have no life im stripped off from all my freedom yet im not willing to giv up on the man i love and i want us to have a future,whenever it may be im 18 and hes 21 though we cant get married right now since we’re young but we could have a sort of engagement involving both our parents but that is only if my father agrees which seems impossible considering the kinda man he is…i really dont know what to do because either way i know for a fact that the marriage with the other guy will end up in divorce..my father is not letting me study as its his condition that i marry the guy…I have refused but hes forcing me
Hi Qirat.
You’ll have a hard time convincing your father to understand how you feel. He seems set on his beliefs and uncooperative. You’re still young, so I wouldn’t rush this relationship. Give it a couple of years or so to get to know him fully. If you’re meant for each other then, you can get married. I know you’re in a hurry because your parents are trying to get you to marry some other person, but I would reject that marriage proposal if I were you and wait a little bit longer.
Kind regards,
Zan
My boyfriend of 2.5 years is Armenian. He had lived in the US all his life though. He is an only child. His parents recently met me and automatically disapproved of us. I am 8 years older than him, granted he is 41 years old. I’m divorced with two children. His parents do not like that. They say we don’t look good together. He is disgracing the family by dating me and we will never have their approval. He is very torn. He feels like he needs to be there for them because they depend on him a lot. He sees them three times a week. Now he is telling me he needs some time apart from me. That he is just too upset and mad at his parents. Really I think he is breaking up because he wants to please them. It’s hopeless, isn’t it?
Hi Amy.
The guy is listening to his parents and is being brainwashed. As much as he doesn’t like it, their disapproval is affecting his feelings for you. It’s causing problems and he’d rather not have them. That’s why he’s distancing himself from you. You must let him as he’s in charge of his life.
I think you should ask yourself whether you want to be with someone whose parents reject you and who doesn’t fight for you.
Sincerely,
Zan
Hello,
Sorry for the long post, this is a super complex situation! So my boyfriend’s parents recently forced him to break up with me. We both didn’t want this, because after 3 years of deep bonding and being best friends (turned partners for 1.5 years) we know that our love and companionship with each other is genuine and not built on shaky foundations.
They have always been supportive of him dating me and had no issue with me. They considered me to be incredibly kind and positive force in his life, someone who made him happy. However, they did take issue with the fact that we could not see each other as often as we liked. Initially, it was because my parents had us take it slow at first (seeing that I’m their first born daughter, they were protective of me even though we are both adults). But now, it’s because of school and work- something that we were able to work around, but not in a manner that was good enough for his parents.
Recently he’s been depressed and stressed because they are making him work many hours at a job he knows he has no future in. He asked to switch to one that would be related to his major and one that would allow for more study time. They seemed to ignore that he felt depressed in his academic/work life, and jumped straight to the conclusion that I’m the issue because I don’t see him as often as they’d like me to. Now, they expect him to cut me off, ignoring the fact that this relationship brought him happiness.
Interestingly, they they were supportive of the relationship, but never expressed their expectations about it to either him or I. We both knew that although we were committed to each other as a couple, we would also be committed to our school/work and supportive of each other’s endeavors. Of course, him and I both would have loved to be together every day of every week, but we remained strong and didn’t let studies or work or distance get between the two of us (we go to different universities that are like 20 mins away from each other). We found balance in this way, and it was healthy even if sometimes we were bummed out that we couldn’t see each other as often.
But, his parents determined that this balance “didn’t get happy enough sooner”, and that it’s not healthy for him. He sat down with them and tried to explain that this relationship made him happy, that I made him happy even if it was sad that we couldn’t see each other daily, but they wouldn’t hear it. They heard “depressed” and put it on me, because they already knew we were both sad about not seeing each other as often, even though the real issue was that he felt stuck in his job. Now that he’s depressed I think that the sadness was amplified a little bit, and they just decided to end it all even though that wasn’t the issue.
Now, him and I are just friends- we want to date again and physically hang out together again, but his parents, in their rage, put an ultimatum and decided to “be as strict as my parents” by completely isolating him and tracking his commutes to school and work rather than letting him be an adult. This could be because they’re afraid of him getting distracted from his studies/they want him to work on himself, even though we staged our relationship in a way where we could grow together but also in our own endeavors. Him not being able to see me is just making his academic performance worse because he’s upset about it. He tried distancing himself from me emotionally (following what his parents said) but it didn’t sit right with him since this bond wasn’t meant to be severed in the first place.
Apparently, we can’t see each other physically until he moves out of their house. He’s tired and depressed, and they my parents for it and decided I’m bad and that I should be forgotten. We’re on a break now so he can bring his grades back up, but we both truly want to come back to each other when there’s no strings attached… hopefully after this semester passes. His parents are pretty flexible and hopefully they will have cooled down and realized where the true source of unhappiness was.
But, all of this is hoping and we both don’t know what to do, especially because they treated us as adults but now are isolating us from each other. He has a choice to lay low and bring it up again, follow his parents irrational ultimatum which could take years, or just give up- but he doesn’t want this option. He’s worried that they won’t change and that I’ll find someone else, or that he’ll be forced to settle for someone they feel is better, but that he knows deep down is unfulfilling.
Hi G.
There’s not much you can do other than talk with your parents and hope that they’re more understanding of your relationship. They need to give your relationship room to flourish and stop getting involved. That’s the only thing that can save your relationship.
You probably shouldn’t wait for this person to return because he could leave again the moment his parents disapprove of his relationship.
Best,
Zan
Hi, so i’ve been in relationship with my girlfriend for about a year and 2 months now. I’ve travelled the world with her done some things i’ve always dreamt of doing. Me and her are basically almost 24/7 together. I’m a student in university and so im sometimes really busy but i still managed to see her from time to time. My busy schedule doesnt bother her cause she wants the best for me and my future. my dad for his part never accepted her cause she is not the same nationality as me and she is not what he expected me to be with in my life. He never gave her the chance to prove his prejudice wrong or a chance to really know her for what she is. he is scared that i get her pregnant and that she ruins my future but i know that is not the case cause i trust her and we are very careful cause we both dont want a kid ruining our life right now. this semester my dad took my car from me and said that if you want to go see her take the public transport but i am not going to support a relationship like this and never will I. My mom from her side is not really bothered by the girl but remains neutral not to upset my dad. She knows how beautiful and good of a person she is. She also knows how much we love eachother and that breaking up would affect me and my studies. so she doesnt want that to happen. I explained the situation with my girlfriend for the first time and she said that she wouldnt want me to be between me and the relationship with my dad but that she has faith and will be patient and give it a try atleast to say if it didnt work out that she tried to fight for the one she loved. So she is not really bothered as I am from it. This situation is stressing me out everyday beeing scared to ruin my relationship with my dad who i have a great relationship with or losing my girlfriend who i love a lot for a stupid and ignorant reason like that. It is my choice at the end of the day who i wanna be with and my dad has nothing to do with it. but i also dont wanna ruin my relationship with my dad and continue to be stressed out like this while i have to focus on my studies. Sometimes i think my dad wants me to leave her to focus on my studies. Maybe when i get my diploma will he be proud of me and give me more independance on my life. cause he values my education a lot and dont want me to be distracted even tho me seeing her and my studies is perfectly balanced which he thinks is not true. But im worried after those 2 years of waiting what happens.Maybe he will still be stubborn about it. I dont want to waste her time even tho she is ready for anything even waiting till i graduate. Any advice
Hi Tony.
Disapproving parents are difficult to deal with because they’re so convinced that they’re right. They’re incapable of seeing things from their offspring’s perspective. You’ll have to make a decision, Tony. You either ask your dad for respect and to stay out of your relationship or you do what your dad wants. You can take some time to decide, but keep in mind that your dad likely won’t change his mind.
Best regards,
Zan
Do you think parents with time forgive your choice and move on to accept when they see you happy with this person and building a future with her. especially in this case my mom would never be able to accept a situation where i cant go see her because my dad doesnt want to see me.
Hi Tony.
Sometimes they accept it, but that doesn’t mean they’re okay with it. It’s much more likely that they’ll become bitter.
Best regards,
Zan
Hi,
I am the 1st guy to be introduced formally/legally with the family of my SO. No problems, casual jokes and backgrounders. The day of introduction went smooth. However, in an unexpected situation, we suddenly conceived a baby. We’re frightened, shocked and as well as excited. However, during those moments, I am jobless as I am a full-time student. I did manage to say to my SO that I will look for a job if we will admit it to her parents, however she was scared that I was to be hurt by her father(to that point she’s assuming that I might even get killed coz the father is a veteran Policeman) then all in all she decided to talk about it only with her mom and siblings who are all professional adults and came up with a decision of abortion. Soon after, the family judged me for my incapabilities, and forced us to break up. Me and my SO knew we love each other sincerely and faithfully. Right now, we decided to have a mutual break up. And for I, to focus on my life, hurdle my licensure exams this year and become a professional sooner and start making a living.
Are there any hopes for this relationship?
I am still drowning in sadness/pain of losing my supposed 1st-ever born baby.
I don’t wanna give her up, nor even myself.
I have forgiven them, even if it’s the most painful thing I could ever receive.
Hi Nico.
I’m sorry for your loss. Right now, you can’t convince her parents that this relationship is worth another chance. The girl listened to her parents, so she doesn’t have any fighting spirit. What I do suggest, however, is that you ask yourself if you want to be judged so superficially. Surely, you have more to offer to the table than your profession.
Do no contact for now, Nico.
Kind regards,
Zan
I am forced to break up with my long distance relationship boyfriend because my parents don’t like him. He’s from India and I am from Philippines. Breaking up with the person you truly love which is never your choice to do it, is something heart-breaking and traumatizing. We’ve been together for almost a year and my wounded heart is still not getting over it. He’s really good to me, I can feel it even we’re miles away. We made plans for us, for our future and now I’m not part of it anymore. I did quarrel with my parents, but in the end, I still chose them.
Hi Amisha.
It’s best that you distance yourself from your ex for a while. Say you should both try to detach and that he can reach out if he’s struggling. A few months or so should probably be enough to know if you’re over him.
Kind regards,
Zan
Thanks Zan. I’m still praying for possible things.
Hi Amisha.
Kindly let me know how things turn out. 🙏
Sincerely,
Zan
Hi amisha. Can i talk to you personally? Im also from Philippines. I also have a boyfriend from other country.
HI
I have to breakup with my girlfriend because of religion. Hindu and Cristian. We both were friend for almost 2 years. Later we wanted to date but because of this issue we couldn’t date. After 6 months we decided we would date for 1 year and break up. Now its been almost 1 year 8 months of dating. After countless breakup dates being pushed now we have to move on with our lives. Is it possible if we distance ourselves for few months. And then be good friends.
Hi lalala.
Yes, you can be good friends, but you have to give each other some space. Give it at least a few months before you try to be friends otherwise, you could jump back into a relationship.
Best,
Zan