The most difficult kind of breakup is when parents don’t like your boyfriend or girlfriend.
It’s so difficult because the people who have been with you since the very beginning are sort of expected to be supportive of your romantic life and the decision you make in life. In a way, their validation provides assurance and acceptance while their rejection of your partner does the opposite.
If your parents don’t provide proper validation, love, and care from an early age, you may develop an anxious or an avoidant attachment style.
And if this carries into adulthood, you may suffer from a lack of love and develop your own relationship difficulties that otherwise wouldn’t be present.
Furthermore, if your family tries to force you to break up with your partner, you may find yourself in dilemma choosing between the people who have given you life and your boyfriend or girlfriend.
Forced breakup because of parents
If your parents don’t like your fiancĂ©, fiancĂ©e, boyfriend or girlfriend, the situation is often really difficult and frequentlyâeven hopeless. That’s because things may quickly escalate to the point where you have to decide between your family or your partner.
Now, if you have a family of your own already and you’re with the person you love, then the decision is a no-brainer. You will always choose your wife/husband and the kids over your parents’ judgment.
But if you’re still young (let’s say in your 20s), then your parents might have a final say. This, of course, depends on your cultural and religious background as well as the kind of relationship you have with your parents.
If your family is the one making the decisions about who you can date and be with, then, by all means, listen to them. They are the ones who will approve or disapprove of the person you’re seeing so there’s nothing you can do about that.
This kind of parenting regime is quite common in South Asia, but it nevertheless, also exists all around the world.
Moreover, it’s not just the South Asian families who sometimes control the fate of their children’s relationships and marriages. It’s American and European families too.
My parents want me to break up with my boyfriend/girlfriend
In some countries, parents make important relationship decisions so it would be wrong for me to advise you to go against your parents.
The most you can do is to try to reason with them and explain how your boyfriend or girlfriend is right for you and how he or she will contribute to the family.
Provided your partner is truly good for you and doesn’t hurt you or anything like that, then most of the time, families will accept the person you’re dating.
But if they don’t accept him or her, and your partner is actually a good human being, and you’ve been with him or her for a long time, then things could get ugly.
Since disapproving parents usually stand by their decision that you should break up with your partner, relationships like this almost never end well.
Whenever your parents pester you, they put unnecessary stress on the relationship and make your relationship with the person you love unbelievably hard.
The person you’re dating feels extremely unwelcome and probably hates your parents’ rejection and possibly even them. That’s why it’s really difficult for your partner to want to stay around your parents who hate his or her guts. It’s difficult even if your partner loves you to the moon and back.
I personally know how it feels to be rejected by parents because I’ve been there before. It doesn’t feel one bit exciting and I can say that I never want to be in that position again.
In fact, it’s so horrible I’d made the promise to myself that I’d rather be with someone whose family approves of me. In this way, I’d save myself the unnecessary drama and the desperation to win their approval.
Winning parents’ recognition
If you’re a reader of the blog, you likely already know that winning somebody’s recognition is the most degrading thing ever.
Everybody in this world deserves a fair chance based on their internal factors. People should be evaluated for the people they are, not the external fortunes they possess.
Sure, having a job is important when you want to get married and have children, but this alone doesn’t make a person truly valuable. Not to the right people anyway.
For example, you are not going to live your life happily with someone just because he or she is a doctor. On the contrary, you are likely going to get in a thousand arguments with this person because of various different incompatibilities and contradictory points of view.
Disapproving parents that want you to break up usually first see the person’s social and financial status. Everything else is hidden from view as no one but the couple can discern each other’s personalitiesâwhich should always be #1.
The only reason, for example, that you are not a rattlesnake is that your mother and father weren’t rattlesnakes. You deserve very little credit for being what you are.
Dale carnegie
Just how you deserve very little credit for who you are, so do your parents. They are who they are based on the society they grew up in, the parenting, their own mentality and many other factors that have very little to do with them.
People usually form an opinion of another person in mere seconds. They visually determine if the person is appealing, how his or her body language is and the way they speak. These 3 things we obtain very quickly, hence why the first impression matters so much.
Changing this first impression, however, takes time. If the person said something appalling in the first minute, for example, then we may despise the person so much that we will never give him a chance to redeem himself or herself.
The same can be said for parents that have formed their own beliefs about the person they want you to break up with.
How to get your parents to like your boyfriend/girlfriend?
Getting your parents to like your boyfriend or girlfriend is hard, but not impossibly hard. It really depends on how open your parents are and how well-versed are at persuading people.
Sometimes, you just need to sit them down and explain to them that the person you’re seeing is wife/husband material. You need to show them your commitment to the person and your utter dedication to take the relationship to the new level.
If explaining to them and showing them that you love your partner doesn’t get your parents to like your partner, on the other hand, then nothing will.
It can be difficult to talk to your parents if they are arrogant, ignorant and hard-headed. It can also be difficult to accomplish much when your parents hate your boyfriend or girlfriend for no apparent reason.
Some people are impossible to reason with so even if you try your very best and show them everything they need to see, they could still be against the relationship.
That’s because some people are controlled by a high ego and would rather take a butt-whipping than admit they were wrong.
Parents can also be so stubborn that nothing changes their mind. In such cases, your relationship may be completely hopeless even if you’ve done everything right from beginning to the end.
Some people just can’t be influenced.
Period.
Parents are forcing me to break up
Chances are your parents will never be happy until you break up with your boyfriend or girlfriend. No matter how much you beg them to be happy for your happiness, it might never happen.
In that case, you have a decision to make.
Sometimes keeping both your parents and your partner is not possible and it’s truly a horrible feeling.
You can either choose to be happy with the person who loves you and wants a relationship with you or to listen to your parents and let your partner go.
Although the middle ground – to keep your parents and your partner sounds like the best option, you may not be able to go down that route when your parents are giving you an ultimatum.
They expect you to do as they say and find someone more to their liking as if it’s them who are going to spend their life by your side.
They are nonetheless, always going to support you, but they won’t wake up next to you and get old with you.
Choosing between your partner and your parents
Casting your parents aside sounds like a horrible idea and most people don’t do it. They will instead argue with their parents for a while and eventually give up on the person they love.
Not only will they give up, but they will completely lose attraction because their parents will have ruined their relationship for them.
They will argue with their parents so much and so often that they will end up believing their parents in the end and might even end up hating their partner.
The dumper often becomes cold and distant as a result of a breakup. And the breakup caused by parents is no different. The dumper could act as if it’s the dumpee’s fault the breakup occurred and may appear very mean and disinterested in his or her (ex) partner.
So if you’re in a position where you need to decide between your partner and your parents, I wish I could help you decide. Unfortunately, all I can do is tell you how I see things.
My humble opinion
It’s not for me to decide for you, but I’d like to share my thoughts on this matter. Please note that my opinion may not apply to all regions of the world as I am from the western part of the globe.
So if parents had been deciding who their children marry in your family for generations and generations, then using my advice would be impossible and likely extremely impolite toward your family. Please keep that in mind.
My personal belief is that parents can be amazing guides as they almost always give good relationship advice. Moreover, I also think that they should always support their children’s romantic decisions as long as their children are content and of mature age.
Their personal experiences and wisdom can often help their children overcome many difficulties and make their lives many times easier.
Just how parents don’t always agree with us, we don’t always agree with them. We may not agree with their taste in music, food, favorite places in the world and other things that are a matter of preference.
But there are some things we should not oppose for the sake of their happiness and at the same timeâour own.
We can’t disapprove of their religion, strong beliefs, visual appearance, new partner, choice of friends (unless they are harmful), etc. We must remember that their personal lives are theirs to live.
So just how you shouldn’t oppose your mature parents’ private life, neither should they disapprove of yours. Provided you’re an adult, you are more than capable of making your own decisions, hence why you were given a brain of your own.
If you commit a horrible crime, you will be defending yourself at the court. Your parents can’t serve their time in jail for you.
So if the love you feel toward your partner is genuine, then your parents should never have the power to try to force you to break up with your boyfriend or girlfriend.
Personally, I think it’s very, very wrong for loving parents to go against their sons and daughters and take their happiness away just because they don’t get along or don’t like their partners.
To me, it seems very selfish and disrespectful toward you as a person who had made the decision to be with the person you love and invested emotionally in him or her.
Such parents are essentially telling you to detach from the person with whom you want to spend your life with and pretend as if he or she never mattered.
Just because they are parents and hold a special place in your heart doesn’t mean they have the right to abuse their power and force you to break up.
They can give you their opinion and tell you why your relationship may not be the healthiest for you. But apart from that, it’s not their concern.
I know I sound very biased and extremely against disapproving parents who want their sons and daughters to break up with their partners.
Perhaps that’s because my parents have always approved of the girls I’ve dated and entrusted me with the decision-making to take care of myselfâwhich I did.
I may not have always chosen the best partners for me, but I had to learn that myself.
It’s as if you buy a box of candies and your parents tell you that the red candies taste bad and that you absolutely can’t have them. They make the assumption that their judgment is absolute and that they really don’t want you to think for yourself.
So even if you tasted the red candy before and you liked it, some parents might still insist that it’s not good because they don’t like it. They simply expect you to respect their dictatorship.
Everybody has their own way of thinking and this is merely my opinion.
The ultimate decision will always be up to you to make.
Are your parents forcing you to break up with your boyfriend, girlfriend, fiancé, fiancée, husband or wife? What are you going to do? Comment below.
Iâm a 28 year old female who dated a wonderful man for 4 months. We were extremely compatible, shared the same values and beliefs, and respected each other so much. We both are successful individuals with good careers. When his family found out my nationality, they wanted him to stop seeing me. Because of historical conflict between our countries, and likely other things like status, they didnât want him to see me anymore and gave him an ultimatum that he had to choose me or his family. Which ended things for us.
Hi JS.
It’s never easy when families get involved. You need to understand that the guy chose his family over you and that you can’t change his mind on that. You would be going against him as well as his family. He should be the one to fight for what he believes in.
Stay strong!
Zan
My dad wants me to break up with my partner, who not only treats me well but chose me for me
My dad wants me to break up with them and find someone closer to me but his reasoning seems to make zero sense as does his demand, the difficulty Iâm having is that Iâm stuck between a rock and a hard, where if I choose my partner, my dad might kick me out. While on the other hand, if I choose my dad and let him âwinâ, I lose the one person whoâd treat me like me, chose me for me, and actually stick by me in the good and the bad, I donât know what to do and I donât want to have to resort to anything drastic nor do I want to hurt anyoneâs feelings but that might end up happening regardless, what in the world can I do?
Hi Yahir.
You’re in a tight situation. You only have 3 options. 1)Choose your partner. 2)Choose your dad. 3)Wait things out and don’t make any rash decisions. Your dad might change his mind. It’s unlikely, but he might if he loses the will to resist your decisions.
Kind regards,
Zan
Iâm honestly hoping my dad does change but if he doesnât, he knows that Iâm planning on calling it right then and there, cutting him out of my life entirely
Hi Yahir.
I know you’re upset, but do remember that he’s your dad and that you only have one of him. Make sure your decision is rational if I may suggest.
Best,
Zan
Thanks Zan, definitely need to have a rational decision but my dadâs âone or the otherâ style of choices arenât too nice, heâs also thrown my phone out of a window, he forced me to change my phone wallpaper from a picture of my SO to something else, so if anything, his way of handling things that relate to me or my romantic relationships is anything but rational(why that is, I donât know)
Hi Yahir.
It seems that he has a very strong opinion about who you should date and what you should do. I’m not sure how old you are, but perhaps his controlling behavior could change once you’re completely on your own?
Best,
Zan
For context, I am 18 and it may change once I get on my own but it could also go the other way and not change but who knows, only time will tell, because in the back of my mind, I think to myself âheâll probably be VERY happy when he hears my current partner is deadâ(his opinion is very biased towards him hating my partner)
Hi Yahir.
I know you’re upset, but you’re still young. Perhaps your dad will stay out of your relationships once you move out and become independent. Stay on good terms with him.
Best regards,
Zan
I’m 16, my parents wants me to break up with my boyfriend becuz they think I’m too immature and can’t think for myself….I would have listened to them and break up with him if not for my hard core feelings for him…he is the only person who treats me so gud …and becuz I don’t have experience with very love showing parents having a boyfriend who openly shows his love feels special…they also have problem that It will affect my studies but I’m focusing on my studies too and performing well enough
Hi Pareena.
It’s probably your first relationship, so you still have a lot to learn. I suggest that you talk with your parents. Tell them you’d like them to hear what you’re saying, not just listen to you. When they have your attention, say that education is extremely important to you and that you have your priorities straight and that you’d like them to understand this relationship is important for your personal growth and relationship skills. If they’re understanding people, they’ll let you stay in a relationship. But if they’re set on their beliefs and closed-minded, they’ll ignore your wants and needs and tell you to do what’s best for them.
Kind regards,
Zan
I’ve been in a secret relationship with an amazing guy who is my second cousin. We met after 10 years, had been meeting since kids. Then had some attraction and thought to give it a try. We really support each other and love each other. He had been insecure just because of my family disapproval. When I talked about him to my family, they didn’t take it well. It’s been going on for a few times now and he and no one wants any chaos. They are asking me to end with him. I don’t want to at all. He wants me. But doesn’t want me to go against them because of him. I won’t stop him but I won’t be going to be in any relationship after this. Everything is always great between us it’s just with out family conflict, we are in dilemma and have to go through emotional strain. Ultimately, we have to lead the life with the person we want. I want to fulfill his dreams together. Please help me what to do. It really hurts.
Hello! Iâm going through a similar situation except Iâm in the position of your boyfriend. My boyfriend family rejected my family and I⊠in one second after 4 years of friendship. If you want to talk more let me know!
Wow! Four years. Yeah sure go ahead.
Hi M.
I can’t decide what to do for you, but if you’ve been with this person for a while and think it’s worth the fight, see if you can reason with your family. Maybe, just maybe they’ll see the relationship is important to you and change their mind.
Kind regards,
Zan
My boyfriend and I broke up about five months ago because of my parents. We were in a relationship of six months and going on strong until they found out. For a while, we respected their wishes and stayed clear of each other. I had no other choice because I am a minor who cannot make decisions for myself. Recently, though, we started talking once again and it’s pretty clear that we still very much love each other. Would it be bad to pursue a friendship once again? Should I just cut him off completely and move on? Do we still stand a chance? Will adulthood help shape our future? (For reference, we are both 17.)
Hi Jusko.
Staying friends when you have romantic feelings would be difficult. You’d feel frustrated with each other and argue (or start arguing if you haven’t yet). That would make it much easier to meet other people and start dating those people. So you may as well avoid any hard feelings by breaking up if you plan on going down that road.
What you need to do is figure out if you want to fight for love (convince your parents) or let go of him. Settling for something in the middle (friendship) is not going to be easy. You first need to lose feelings before you try to be friends.
Kind regards,
Zan
My family disapprove of my relationship because of my partner’s family background – money minded and may be manipulative. My family is very firm on their ground and there’s no way for negotiation even if my partner is a really nice individual and nothing like his family. However, as the saying goes, “when you marry a person, you marry the family”.
Hi Melody.
It sucks, but you have an important decision to make. You either go against your parents or do as they say. Try to talk to your partner as much as possible and don’t get upset with him if he can’t accept your decision.
Kind regards,
Zan
I am going through this creepy phase currently… Right now,I’m crying like hell & reading this article with teary eyes!
I am completely helpless that I ended up searching in google for help.
I’m a 24 years old Indian girl. So you can easily interpret how typical Indian parents are! They’re telling me to break up & marry a settled guy of my cast since I was 22. Such a young age… Right? My parents don’t like my boyfriend mostly because of his appearance as he’s not a handsome hunk. Also he still have no jobs,but that’s the secondary cause. My Dad also compared him to a starving,ill,stray dog as my boyfriend is a skinny guy. He also calls him too disrespectfully which just tears my heart into pieces. But believe me, there are very few guys like him. He’s sensible,understanding,modern,intelligent,studious but not handsome,which my parents think as a big fault. I know if he gets 2 more years he can surely find a job. But my parents are in a hurry to get me married. There was a time when they tried to force me directly to break up, but now… they’re trying some indirect process like emotional blackmailing pinching there health,lack of money,old age!
I just want to cry & shout like why the fck I ended up being in INDIA?
Hi Mon.
It’s hard to reason with parents when they’re set on their beliefs. If it’s possible to convince them, give it a try. But if not, you’ll have a decision to make. You’ll have to choose who to be with.
Stay strong!
Zan
Hi Zan,
My girlfriend and Known each other for a little more than 6 years and dated for 3 years now. Because we are both girls, and Asian, her mom doesnât like the idea of us being together and that put lots of pressure on my girlfriend to the point that she is now starting to think about breaking up with me and dating guys just so her mom can be happy. We are on the verge of breaking up now, we are currently on âa breakâ period, we just started the No Contact stage. I really want this relationship to work. Should I sit down and have an open conversation with her mom?
Hi Journey.
I don’t think you should talk to her mom about it. If anyone should do that, it’s your girlfriend. She should fight for the relationship by explaining why her happiness should be her parents’ top priority. Parents often cause couples to break up, Journey. They put so much pressure on the relationship that people tend to cave in.
Kind regards,
Zan
Thank you Zan, your articles had helped me greatly.
You’re welcome, Journey.
I’m happy to hear that!
Zan
I am from India and I know guy from almost 7 years and we are in relationship with each other from past 5 years and we are trying to convince in my home from more than 3 years now and my dad has only one thing to say âhow can you expect me to accept such lower caste guy in to my familyâ, when he tried coming home he did not let him come in. Last week when i tried more they started threatening me telling We will do something for ourselves, else we will stop taking medicine for BP and diabetes. I really care for them to. Iâm really worried. I have hoped my parents will agree seeing me getting aged(I’m 30 now) but till now there is constantly âNOâ because my dad thinks they belong to very lower caste . Iâm really going through sleepless nights and getting anxiety problem.
Any suggestion would be really helpful.
Hi Sushma.
You’re in a difficult situation because your parents are trying to manipulate you into doing what they want. Their mentalities seem fixed, so you’ll have a hard time convincing them. For now, Sushma, the most important thing you can do is to take care of your own well-being. Don’t worry about pleasing your parents for now. Just take care of your health and don’t overthink so much as it causes you anxiety.
In the west, people in your situation would often (not always of course) move out and be with their partner no matter what their parents say. When you’ve calmed down, you can decide what you want to do. You can move out, you can do what your parents want you to do and break up, or you can continue seeing your boyfriend.
You can take your time to decide.
Best regards,
Zan
Going through this as I type. Except a little different scenario. My boyfriend is a 60 year old widower. Itâs his adult children and their wives who are forcing him to choose. For the second time. They lie about me and tell him Iâm using him. Wonât speak to me face to face. Theyâre just worried about their inheritance Iâm sure.
Anyhow. I donât know why they want him to suffer so.
Spoiled brats.
Hi Anna.
I think they want the best for themselves. More time with him and perhaps even his inheritance. I’m not sure, but they’re not very open-minded and accepting of others.
Best regards,
Zan
My ex and I were together for a brief period of time, but the connection was just so mesmerizing that it felt different that any relationship him or I had had in the past.
My sisters and I had always known that my dad has a bad temper problem. My dad lost it and threatened him and he just couldn’t cope with all the horrible things my father said.
We are broken up for the moment and I have no idea how are we going to get past this or if we will be able to do it. I only know that we both need to heal from all of this.
Hi Mary.
It’s hard to stay with a woman when you feel unaccepted by her family. Family is the closest thing to her, so if it’s important to her, it should be important to her partner as well. Looks like you’ve both got some healing to do.
Best,
Zan
Hello, your article has helped me, Iâve been battling for 4 months out of a 10 month relationship to keep the girl I love but I ended it just because my parents told me to. My parents hated her mother because she came across as ignorant and therefore started picking holes in my whole relationship, saying things about my girlfriend like âsheâs not good enough for youâ and âshe doesnât make any effort with usâ I really loved my girlfriend Iâm 25 and still being dictated and controlled, I just donât know what to do now because the whole relationship was strained and Iâm going to find it hard not to try and get back with her. Can relationships work in this way, as I love both my parents and girlfriend and I like my girlfriends family too? Thanks
Hi Ashley.
It’s hard to change people’s set mentalities. You can try, but you won’t be able to because the more you’ll try, the more they’ll reject your ideas. The best advice I can give you is to talk to the girl (if she’s still with you) and ask her if she wants to fix the family drama. If she does, find ways to relieve the pressure both parents put on the relationship. But if she doesn’t, then you have no choice but to leave her be.
Stay strong!
Zan
Hi, I have a 3 years relationship. We love each other so much. We can’t live without each other. His parents were fine with our marriage without seeing or knowing me, but they wanted me to convince my parents for marriage. it took me 2 years to convince them and they finally did. 6 months back they came home to fix our marriage. After few days I had an argument with his mother regarding wedding budget due to some misunderstandings. I apologized her. Even my parents talked to her. But it has been 6 months she don’t talk to me, I tried alot to makeup things even he tried alot but she is been stubborn. And she says him not to marry me. She says I am depression and may die if he marries me. Everyone in the family is against the marriage. He is in lot of stress and being alone child he says he can’t leave his parents and can’t take any risk with their lives.
Hi Arti.
It’s your boyfriend’s responsibility to fight for you and the relationship. If he can’t or doesn’t want to do that, he’s putting his parents first and will continue to do so for a long time. He wouldn’t have to “leave” his parents if his parents were more understanding and supportive of him. But it looks like their mentalities are fixed. You should let your partner handle it himself. If he wants to fix the relationship and get married, he will.
Best,
Zan
I’m facing the same situation. I don’t want to be the dumper. That’s the last thing I would want to do to him. He is just perfect but my parents are physically and emotionally abusing me to break up. They are forcing me to quit my job, if I continue to pursue him. This is so unfair. I hope if this doesn’t go well, god gives him enough strength move on and be happy again.
Hi Jiya.
I’m sorry your parents are getting in the way of your relationship. Try to be strong and maybe things will work out on their own.
Sincerely,
Zan
I’m Asian and boyfriend is 2 years older than me (I’m 29). I met him while studying overseas and after I came back we have been in a long distance relationship for 4 years. My parents really disapprove of us because they think that I will go far away from them and not look after them if I were to end up with this person. My life is hell now. The only thing I look forward to are the daily phone calls with my boyfriend. my family members encourage me to leave him because they don’t know why I have to go through this hell for “just one guy”. I have had an amazing relationship with this person and would give anything to be with him — except my parents because I keep getting trapped in the non-filial lectures, that they shouldn’t have sent me overseas to study, that they gave me love and education and I grew up to backstab them..
I’m so torn and broken. I have never thought of abandoning my parents and it could have worked out fine if they let me manage things but nobody is willing to listen to me đ
Hi Sad.
It’s hard to argue about parents about this as they’ve set their minds. The best thing you can do is to sit down with them one day and tell them you’re glad they’re concerned about you but that you’ve decided to pursue your relationship. Assure them that you’re not going to elope with your boyfriend but that you’d like them to be open-minded and at least give the guy a chance.
Pick a time when they’ll listen to you. Perhaps after doing them some kind of favor.
Best regards,
Zan
Me and my partner are in our mid 30’s and due to financial reasons, both still live at our parents homes.
We recently got engaged a few moths after being together 2 years, but with recent arguments between me and her. It has caused my father to say outrightly I don’t want her as a daughter in law or in this house anymore.
Me and my partner are barely together, even though i’m her soulmate, but she won’t wear the engagement ring I got her, because of my dad. She has said that he’s already ruined our engagement and the relationship is straining.
I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place, i’ve told my father he’s ruining the relationship, and stubborn. But says I’m still not having her in this house. I don’t know what to do…
Hi Aaron.
Maybe it will help if you stop convincing your father to change his mind about your fiance and focus on bonding with her instead. He might see that he misjudged the two of you if he sees that you’re happy together.
Consider telling your fiance that it doesn’t matter what your father thinks and that your love for her is more important.
Best regards,
Zan
Hi,
I’m in a similar situation where my boyfriends parents will not accept partners of a different nationality. They are Chinese and believe their children should marry and have children with those from the same region.
My partner has an older brother who has followed this expectation, and an older sister who has not. However, due to his already strained relationship with his dad, my partner has decided our relationship is doomed despite his mother acknowledging that her viewpoints are wrong. Although we have not been together long, we both felt an extremely strong bond from the start, and it hurts me that we can’t be together just because I’m the wrong race.
hi Jemma.
I’m sorry to hear that your boyfriend’s parents aren’t accepting you. Forced breakups can be difficult, so I hope that you have a good support system and take some time to detach.
If your ex decides to fight for you, keep in mind that he’ll let you know. But until he does, you may want to stay out of contact with him.
Best regards,
Zan
i wish his parents are open minded, i am from southeast asia and parents still chooses the ones that are rich and professional. when i say professional, a person who has license like engineers, architects, nurses, teacher, fireman, doctor or a person who has a regular position in the government. I am working in bpo industry and this is the most degraded profession in my country. Not to brag but I am earning more than my partner, he is an architect. His parents seems to disapprove of me because of my job i think and they want him to look for a better person for my partner than me. A person with a better profession as what they think of a professional. It really hurts and i am thinking not to accept marriage proposal of my partner because of this. I love him but getting disapprovement from his parents or relatives is something that won’t do for me, it’s so hard T_T
Hi Genph.
The guy’s parents are old-fashioned and seem to dictate who he dates. They’ve always decided what he does, so he doesn’t get to decide things for himself. If he can fight for you and explain why you’re important to him, he may be able to change his parents’ opinion.
I understand your concern. Being with a person whose parents disapprove of you is hard. That’s why you need to figure things out before you decide to get married.
Don’t pressure your partner too much, but do talk to him about it and explain how important it is for you to get accepted into the family and be recognized as an equal.
Best of luck,
Zan
I am in same situation now and I am restless. My parents (As my father has expired Mother alone with my Grand parents) are not accepting my relationship just because our profession is different and he is not rich as they are expecting. When I told them about us they went to his home and talked and everything went well after that they are telling his parents are not well educated and not well dressed and they have small home blah blah unnecessary reasons which is not required at all. I am confident that he is a very good human being and he can take care of me and he can give me all love which I deserve. My family is only thinking about their prestige by telling they are concerning about me. As my mother is all alone she can not take a stand for me. I really do not want to run away and get married and 100% sure that my parents will never agree. but I have to decide one day anyway . I m very much depressed. No one should suffer with this pain. I really do not want to leave just because he is not rich(according to society).
Hi Pooja.
I’m sorry to hear your mom and grandparents have been opposing your relationship. Unfortunately, it’s hard to go against them because they have fixed mentalities. Maybe, just maybe you could convince them in a positive manner that the person you’re seeing is good for you and that they should give him a try. Perhaps if you don’t beg them but tell them that you expect support from them, maybe they’ll listen.
Stay strong Pooja.
Zan
I’m also in the same exact position like yours Pooja. I and my bf likes each other a lot. Things went smoothly in the beginning. His parents seemed to accept this marriage very happily. Slowly they brought up money into this love marriage and demanded us certain money. Once after hardly convincing my parents, they are not happy because my father didn’t say strongly and happily itseems!! They simply bring up silly things and he surrendered easily and gave up on me and accepted them… I really pray to god that things should go happily with you and you should not be left alone like me
Hi Sreeja.
I hope everything works out for you. I know it will one way or another, so be strong for now and do what’s best for you.
Sincerely,
Zan
I met a girl in school and she has been my first love. We grew from students through university and into our working life. We have grow up together and a little over a third of my life has been with her. There is not a single fault in our relationship, we are each others peace. We are the same religion and even the same sect of this religion. Our families are from 2 different countries. Due to being caught in an unflattering situation, her parents have semented in their minds that myself and people of my country are dirty and unfit for marraige. She has pleaded and argued with them for many years to no avail, her parents humiliated her infront of her siblings and turned them against us and against me. Her family will not budge and insist on bring forward proposals to her disapproval. We are sacrficing a 8 year relationship of pure happiness and tranquility, for no fault of our own but because there is no peaceful way forward. We both need our parents support as we cant afford to loose our families or financially afford to be independent together. We are truly trapped.
Hi Omair.
You’re in a tough situation. It’s very important that you talk to your partner about what you’re going to do. Do you make plans and stay together despite opposing parents or do you let them “win” and separate? If you choose to fight, you must do so in a way where you don’t associate anger or discontent with each other. Oftentimes, opposing parents cause their offspring to resent their partner and give up. So be aware of this and discuss the course of action with your partner.
Kind regards,
Zan
My boyfriend and I (34 & 33) are very much in love, we’ve dated for brief period but enough to know that life together was seamless and flowed beautifully. He knew there would be some obstacles with his parents because we’re of different religions but he was caught unaware by just how strong their hatred was for Muslims.
He was shook when they were aggressive in their rejection of a Muslim daughter in law; as he was sure that his parents are so supportive and loving, that they would surely come through.
They know nothing about the person I am.. or the relationship we share, how we make each other happy or how we find our way back to each other when things don’t go too well on a bad day.
So he gave in, said he couldn’t upset them at the cost of this relationship. Couldn’t move forward without their acceptance and blessings. These things became more serious when they found out he wanted to propose.
And now everything that we built, which is very real is being sacrificed before an ancient mindset which is so heartbreaking because even though we broke up against our will, we don’t have anyone else to turn to except each other, in our misery. No love lost, completely understanding of our situation just not together anymore. How do I even pacify myself, its just so unfair.
Hi Anonymous.
It’s hard to go against stubborn parents. That’s why these kinds of breakups are the worst. There’s nothing you can do about them because the dumper (your ex) isn’t willing to do anything about it. He doesn’t want to fight and oppose his parents, so all you can do is to walk away.
Convince yourself that you wouldn’t be happy with such disapproving parents anyway and that moving on isn’t what you want, but that it’s much better than being resented and told you’re not good enough for their son.
Sincerely,
Zan