Updated on July 16, 2025
Forced breakups because of parents are some of the most emotionally challenging experiences that many people face across different cultures and generations. When parents disapprove of a relationship, whether because of cultural, religious, educational, financial, or personal reasons, they tend to pressure their child to end the relationship on their terms, even if that’s the last thing their child wants.
They don’t consider their child’s emotional investment, feelings, and the future he or she has envisioned with the new romantic partner.
Such parents are convinced that the person their son or daughter is seeing isn’t a good romantic match for their child and that their child must break up and eventually find a more compatible person. This puts immense pressure on their child and often shoves a wedge between their child and his or her love interest. The couple finds it incredibly difficult to navigate the relationship their parents disapprove of because they’re forced to keep their relationship secret and/or hide their feelings and actions.
Many times, they break up because the relationship becomes emotionally exhausting and causes them to fall out of love.
If your parents forced a breakup on you, you’re in a difficult situation, especially if you’re super close to your parents, still live with your parents, or depend on them financially. In these cases, your parents have power over you and immense influence on you. If you don’t do what they say and choose to stay with your partner despite them telling you to break up, they might make your life difficult by withdrawing certain benefits or support.
They might even kick you out, cut you off, and make you choose between them and your partner. That would obviously put you in a very difficult situation, as no one wants to choose between people who gave them life and a person who gives their life companionship, excitement, and romantic purpose.
Unfortunately, manipulation, threats, or even physical aggression are common, especially in cultures where parents have a final say. In those cultures, it can be extremely challenging to convince headstrong parents to give your partner a chance and slowly change your parents’ perception of him or her. When parents decide they dislike your partner and don’t feel ashamed to tell you that, they’ve already made up their mind. They’ve decided that you’re not a good fit and that you must break up at once.
They aren’t open to discussing things and slowly coming back around. Due to their personality and beliefs, they expect you to avoid resisting their decision and let go of your partner or potential partner.
If you don’t let go of him or her, they’ll likely escalate things further and force you to break up.
A forced breakup because of parents is a truly complex situation. On one hand, you want to please your parents and your partner, but on the other, you have no control over it. Your parents don’t give you much room to maneuver and make decisions for yourself.
Your parents should never meddle with your relationships unless your relationships are unhealthy and need to end for everyone’s sake. They should let you date (of course, at an appropriate age) and let you learn what kind of partner works and doesn’t work for you. No one has the right to tell you that you shouldn’t date someone you like. If you’re attracted to the wrong person, you need to realize it yourself. You must date that person and learn valuable lessons from it.
Your parents don’t know you well enough to truly understand the kind of people you’re attracted to and want to be with. They only see certain aspects of your partner’s overall value. Since they don’t understand your romantic expectations, they need to encourage you to get to know some people and mature through experience. Telling you not to date people THEY dislike, probably without even giving them a chance, is beyond disrespectful. They’re your parents, so if anyone should support you unconditionally, it’s them.
It’s the least they could do for your romantic life. If they can’t support you, they should at least not make your dating difficult. They should step out of your way and avoid judging your romantic partners.
I imagine your parents have such a tight bond with you that they assumed they had the right to tell you what’s right for you and what isn’t—especially if it came at the expense of their own. They chose to prioritize their convictions over your happiness and plans. That means they consider themselves in charge even of your romantic decisions, and that they’ll continue to force breakups on you if your partners don’t meet their expectations.
As long as they think they have a final say, your relationships will be at least partially controlled by them. This might change once you step out of their sphere of influence and control.
If you’re going through a breakup forced by parents, you’re unfortunately caught in a situation beyond your control. It feels like you’re being pulled in two directions—between your love for your partner and your loyalty to your family. You can either make yourself and your partner happy or your parents. Whoever you prioritize in the end, it’s important that the decision reflects your values and not just external pressure.
Either way, expect your decision to be painful and come with consequences.
I can’t tell you who to choose or why because it depends on your unique situation, values, and long-term priorities. If your parents seem open to talking about your chosen partner, perhaps you can talk to them when they’re calm and collected. Tell them that you love them and value their opinion, but that your romantic decisions are yours to make. Convey to them that they and your partner matter to you and that you don’t want to choose one or the other.
You want to organize a meetup and prove to them that your partner can add value to you as well as to them.
Clearly, your parents are worried that your partner won’t make them happy. Due to their beliefs and/or unhealthy perceptions, they’re convinced they’ll be unhappy because of your decision to date the person in question. You may be able to change their perception by having your partner do something to like them. I’m not saying you should bribe them or trick them, but if you show them that your partner has things in common with them and wants to get to know them better, they might not be so quick to judge him or her.
It’s just an idea, but it might be worth giving it a try.
If you do nothing, you’ll be forced to break up with your partner or forced not to get back together if you already broke up. Whether you decide to talk to your parents and dissuade them from forcing you to abandon your relationship or handle their disapproval passively is up to you. But if I were in your shoes and I really loved my partner, I’d talk to my parents and set some boundaries. I wouldn’t want them to make important decisions about my life, such as what I study, where I live, and who I date.
I live in the West, so it’s hard for me to imagine my parents dictating who I can or can’t be with. My culture and family have always encouraged me to choose my own partners and dicover our compatibilities.
If you’re young, live in a place where your parents still provide for you, or have an especially close, but often controlling relationship with your parents, it can be incredibly hard to go against their wishes. Their opinions carry a lot of weight in your life, not just emotionally but also practically. Disobeying them might mean risking financial support, emotional stability, or a place to stay. In such situations, choosing your own path can feel like a betrayal, even when you know deep down you’re not asking for much.
Controlling parents often leave their children feeling paralyzed when it comes to making their own decisions. Over time, they damage their kids’ self-trust and independence. Instead of developing confidence through trial and error, their children grow up fearing failure and seeking approval for even the most personal choices.
In relationships, this can be especially damaging. Love requires autonomy, courage, and a willingness to take emotional risks. If those traits are stifled early on, it becomes difficult to stand up for themselves and their partner when their relationship is at risk.
In today’s post, we discuss what to do when you’re forced to break up because of parents, guardians, or other parental figures.
Forced breakup because of parents
Breakups forced by parents are especially painful because they take away your sense of choice and control. They force you to break up with someone you have a connection with and see yourself staying with long-term. Because you’re emotionally attached and have romantic expectations tied to that person, you experience a loss of hope, separation anxiety, and all the painful consequences that come with a breakup.
You have days when you remember the good times and miss your ex like crazy, and days when you try to justify the breakup and make sense of what went wrong. Your mind flips between longing and rationalizing, trying to protect you from the pain of something you didn’t fully choose.
If you’ve found yourself in a breakup forced by your parents, you’re dealing with a unique kind of pain—one that blends heartbreak with powerlessness. It makes you want to either win your parents’ approval or become someone who no longer needs it. If you’re not in a position to be fully independent, you’re going to struggle because you’ll be afraid of opposing your parents and disappointing them. You’ll feel tempted to do what they say just to avoid arguing with them.
Now, if you’ve built a family with the person you love, the decision becomes a no-brainer. You must always choose your spouse and children over your parents’ judgment. You shouldn’t leave your partner and make things difficult for the kids. Your partner and children are your new priority—and they should be treated that way.
But if you’re still young (let’s say 16 – 21), then your parents might have a final say. This, of course, depends on your cultural and religious background as well as the kind of relationship you have with your parents.
Your parents are the ones making all the important decisions in your life because you’re still so young and may not know what’s best for you yet. Perhaps in that case, it’s best to listen to them and focus on things they want you to focus on. They may not be okay with you dating anyone, not just your current partner. Maybe they want you to finish school or other responsibilities before you start dating. I don’t know what the logic behind their reasoning is, but if you’re not standing on your own two feet yet, it makes sense why they feel the need to tell you what’s best for you.
This is especially true if they always told you what to do and not to do.
Many parents around the world tell their kids who they should and shouldn’t date. While some do so out of genuine concern, others project their own fears, prejudices, or unfulfilled dreams onto their children. In cultures where family honor or tradition holds significant weight, this control can be especially intense. It can feel suffocatingly controlling, as if your personal choices are constantly being monitored and judged.
Because of their incessant need for control, many couples get tired of being disapproved of an choose their parents in the end. Some even start to despise their partners due to the pain their parents make them feel.
Controlling parents often overlook love and compatibility. They don’t see that their son or daughter truly loves his or her partner and wants to be in a serious commitment with that person. Despite what their child craves and needs, they stay set on their decision and expect their child to do what they say. This gives them control over their child’s life and makes them his or her child’s top priority.
Some parents get jealous of the attention they’re missing out on. In many cases, moms feel ignored or replaced, so they create exaggerated concerns about why the new partner isn’t right for their child. They’re not looking out for their child’s best interest, but their own because they’re scared of finding their own purpose in life.
Needless to say, they act like they’re in a relationship with their child and feel scared of losing him or her to someone else. Such parents are usually separated and have very little social interaction in their lives (feel lonely). Or, they’re too close to their child and fear losing control over him or her (possessiveness). They’re afraid of change and what may happen when their child fully grows up.
If your parents forced a breakup on you despite your desire to stay in the relationship, they expressed dissatisfaction with your timing, your choice of partner, or the fact that you were emotionally distancing yourself from them. If you’re old enough to make your own decisions, they judged your partner based on their own biases, fears, or expectations. They may have disapproved of your partner’s background, career, religion, personality, family, lifestyle, vices, or even something as superficial as appearance.
Sometimes they’re just worried you’ll get hurt or make the wrong choice. Other times, it’s more about control, pride, or thinking they know what’s best for you—whether you agree or not.
If they’re just worried you’ll get hurt, they’ll probably change their mind when you assure them you can handle the worst. But if they’re prideful, stubborn, and determined they’re right and you’re wrong, then you likely won’t change their mind no matter how politely you explain things. One of the hardest things in life is changing people’s deeprooted beliefs.
Especially when those beliefs are backed by anger, resentment, disgust, and other strong negative emotions.
That said, here’s what makes breakups forced by parents so difficult.
My parents want me to break up with my boyfriend/girlfriend
In some countries, it’s common for parents to approve or disapprove of their child’s dating choices, so trying to change that tradition might not be realistic or fair. It may be better to accept your fate and simply do what your parents want. Tell them you don’t agree with their decision but that you respect it nonetheless. It’s better not to oppose their beliefs, especially if you’re relying on them for basic human needs such as food, shelter, and clothes.
However, if you live on your own, take care of your own needs, and come from a culture where you’re free to make your own romantic decisions, then your choices deserve to be respected. You must be brave and tell your parents you’ve developed a unique bond with your partner—and that they’ll have to respect it whether they like it or not. If they want to reassess things, you can talk about the things that bother them and look for a solution if there is one. But if they insist on not wanting you to be with your partner, then you can decrease the number of times you see your parents, see them without your partner, or not see them at all.
The last option is especially difficult because we’re talking about people who raised you. But sometimes even people closest to us make unreasonable, selfish demands that serve them more than they serve us. When that happens, it may be appropriate to distance ourselves from them and justify it by telling ourselves that we deserve romantic happiness, just like them, and that it’s a fundamental human need.
If your parents aren’t happy that you’re happy, it’s hard to imagine them appreciating your connection with your partner. They don’t know or care how you feel, so explaining it to them won’t change anything. It probably would have changed it by now if it could have.
If you haven’t talked to them about your happiness, your compatibility with your partner, and your ability to handle the diifficulties that come from being in a relationship, tell them what they want to hear. But if you tried it already and failed, it may not leave you any other option but to decide whether to listen to your parents’ opinion or your feelings.
Just know that whoever you choose in the end, there will be consequences. Choosing your parents may give you a sense of loyalty, but it will also leave you feeling powerless, guilty, anxious, and heartbroken. On the other hand, choosing your partner could create tension or distance, or perhaps even cause you to stop talking.
If you stay with your partner despite your parents’ disapproval, chances are it will affect your relationship and eventually trigger a breakup. When parents disapprove of their child’s relationship, they hurt their child and cause their child to associate stress with their partner. When a lot of stress has piled up, he or she often begins to wonder if pain will disappear when he or she initiates the breakup. Such thoughts often lead to a loss of feelings and a breakup.
This is a serious issue, so don’t sweep it under the rug and think your parents will eventually accept your partner. Without some major changes in their perspective or life circumstances, they’re unlikely to let go of their negative views and accept your partner into the family. It might take them years to come around—if they ever do. Things are too uncertain for you to keep hoping and waiting. It’s not good for you and your partner’s well-being to be in a relationship with disapproving parents.
If you decide to stay together despite that, make plans on what to do when/if your parents kick you out, stop supporting you, or pressure you with threats or ultimatums. If you don’t have the answer for it and lack the willpower to persevere, it may be best to end things now, especially if you know how persistent your parents can be.
Winning people’s recognition won’t be easy
If you’re a regular reader of this blog, you probably already know that chasing someone’s recognition is one of the most degrading things you can put yourself through. Chasing, begging, and walking on eggshells places your self-worth in someone else’s hands and makes you feel like you have to earn somethin as basic as respect and acceptance. The more you try to prove yourself, the more you fail and the more powerless and unimportant you feel.
Slowly, you become afraid of rejection, shape yourself into someone you think they want you to be, and lose your dignity.
The only reason, for example, that you are not a rattlesnake is that your mother and father weren’t rattlesnakes. You deserve very little credit for being what you are.
Dale carnegie
Everyone deserves a fair chance based on their internal qualities. People should be respected for who they are, not the external fortunes they possess. Sure, having a stable job is important, but that alone doesn’t define a person’s true value. At least not to the right people. The right people will value you for the person you are and your ability to take care of them/their child.
They’ll see past your exterior, including your job title, income, background, or appearance and instead, focus on who you are at your core and recognize kindness, emotional intelligence, loyalty, and how you treat others. Loving/accepting people value connection over status and substance over surface. You won’t need to impress them because just being yourself will be enough.
I realized this way too late—after my relationship ended. If I realized it sooner, I would have never gotten into a relationship, knowing my partner’s parents didn’t like me.
Just as you deserve limited credit for who you are at your core, so do your and your partner’s parents. They became who they are largely because of the society they grew up in, the way they were raised, their mindset, and countless other factors—many of which were outside their control.
People usually form an opinion of someone within seconds. They quickly assess whether the person is visually appealing, observe his or her body language, and notice how he or she speaks. Changing this opinion isn’t easy. It takes not just time, but also an open mind. Parents can change their opinion of their child’s dating interest by lowering their expcations and understanding that their child is capable of making important decisions on his or her own.
My partner’s parents want us to break up
If your partner’s parents dislike you and insist that you should break up, the situation can be even more difficult than if your own parents were pushing for the breakup. When your partner is pressured to leave you, you have even less control over what happens. You can only hope that your partner loves you, convinces his or her parents that you’re a worthy partner, or chooses you over them. It’s much more personal because you know that even if you stay together despite their disaproval, your boyfriend’s or girlfriend’s parents will continue to disapprove of you and want you gone.
Whether you stay together or break up, you’ll end up paying the price—simply because your partner’s parents disapprove of you. It’s unfair that you’ll suffer at the hands of people who shouldn’t be involved in your relationship.
I’ve been in a relationship where my girlfriend’s parents disapproved of me, so I know firsthand that it’s anything but fun. I remember having to hide every time her parents video called or came to visit. I never fully understood why they didn’t like me (I suspect it might have been my background), but what I do know is that it made the entire experience stressful and disheartening. Instead of talking and bonding with her parents, I worried about whether they would ever change their opinion about me.
That relationship didn’t work out for a number of reasons, but after the breakup, I made a promise to myself, which is that I’ll only date people whose family genuinely approves of me. I don’t need their validation, but I do need my partner to be surrounded by supportive people who approve of our relationship. I don’t want opposing friends, coworkers, acquaintances, or family members to add stress to my relationships.
Relationships are difficult enough as they are. When parents get involved and demand things, they seldom end well.
So ask yourself if you want to be in a relationship where your partner’s parents dislike you. Do you want to hide, pretend you’re friends, or worry about what parents think about you? You may be in love and attached, but feelings won’t fix your messy situation. They will worsen it because they’ll prevent you from thinking rationally.
Think long and hard about being with a person whose parents dislike you. If you acted strangely or inconsiderately, you can probably change their mind by apologizing and telling or showing them you’ve learned their lesson. But if they’ve formed a negative opinion of you basically for no real reason, then it’s unlikely that they’ll slowly see you differently, no matter how hard you try.
When people dislike you, they tend to stick to their opinion, especially when there’s more than one of them reinforcing it.
How to deal with a forced breakup because of parents?
Getting your parents to like your boyfriend or girlfriend won’t be easy. Whether you succeed depends largely on how open-minded your parents are and how skilled you are at communicating and winning people over. If you can get them to sit down and open their hearts to you, they may see that you truly care about your partner and want to do whatever it takes to stay together.
If explaining to them and showing them that you love your partner with all your heart doesn’t convince your parents to give your relationship a chance, you can try to include your partner in their life and encourage them to bond. It won’t be easy for them to interact, but if they get to know one another better, they may be able to see that they have more things in common than they initially thought.
Your boyfriend or girlfriend should also try to apologize for upsetting them. Sometimes an apology can lower parents’ defenses and change their minds.
The problem you’re likely to face is that your parents won’t agree to see your partner, let alone talk to him or her. They’ll insist that they have nothing to say to your partner and that you must do what they say. In that case, you should give up on changing their mind in the short term. They won’t come around because they’re not the kind of people you can reason with. When they decide they don’t like someone, they don’t like him or her, period.
You should let them believe what they want and make your own decision:
- Either continue the relationship without their approval or knowledge—and risk losing their support.
- Or break up with your partner.
Are your parents forcing you to break up with your boyfriend or girlfriend? What are you going to do if they don’t approve? Comment below.
And if you’re looking for help with disapproving parents, reach out to us by subscribing to coaching.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
I’m a 28 year old female who dated a wonderful man for 4 months. We were extremely compatible, shared the same values and beliefs, and respected each other so much. We both are successful individuals with good careers. When his family found out my nationality, they wanted him to stop seeing me. Because of historical conflict between our countries, and likely other things like status, they didn’t want him to see me anymore and gave him an ultimatum that he had to choose me or his family. Which ended things for us.
Hi JS.
It’s never easy when families get involved. You need to understand that the guy chose his family over you and that you can’t change his mind on that. You would be going against him as well as his family. He should be the one to fight for what he believes in.
Stay strong!
Zan
My dad wants me to break up with my partner, who not only treats me well but chose me for me
My dad wants me to break up with them and find someone closer to me but his reasoning seems to make zero sense as does his demand, the difficulty I’m having is that I’m stuck between a rock and a hard, where if I choose my partner, my dad might kick me out. While on the other hand, if I choose my dad and let him “win”, I lose the one person who’d treat me like me, chose me for me, and actually stick by me in the good and the bad, I don’t know what to do and I don’t want to have to resort to anything drastic nor do I want to hurt anyone’s feelings but that might end up happening regardless, what in the world can I do?
Hi Yahir.
You’re in a tight situation. You only have 3 options. 1)Choose your partner. 2)Choose your dad. 3)Wait things out and don’t make any rash decisions. Your dad might change his mind. It’s unlikely, but he might if he loses the will to resist your decisions.
Kind regards,
Zan
I’m honestly hoping my dad does change but if he doesn’t, he knows that I’m planning on calling it right then and there, cutting him out of my life entirely
Hi Yahir.
I know you’re upset, but do remember that he’s your dad and that you only have one of him. Make sure your decision is rational if I may suggest.
Best,
Zan
Thanks Zan, definitely need to have a rational decision but my dad’s “one or the other” style of choices aren’t too nice, he’s also thrown my phone out of a window, he forced me to change my phone wallpaper from a picture of my SO to something else, so if anything, his way of handling things that relate to me or my romantic relationships is anything but rational(why that is, I don’t know)
Hi Yahir.
It seems that he has a very strong opinion about who you should date and what you should do. I’m not sure how old you are, but perhaps his controlling behavior could change once you’re completely on your own?
Best,
Zan
For context, I am 18 and it may change once I get on my own but it could also go the other way and not change but who knows, only time will tell, because in the back of my mind, I think to myself “he’ll probably be VERY happy when he hears my current partner is dead”(his opinion is very biased towards him hating my partner)
Hi Yahir.
I know you’re upset, but you’re still young. Perhaps your dad will stay out of your relationships once you move out and become independent. Stay on good terms with him.
Best regards,
Zan
I’m 16, my parents wants me to break up with my boyfriend becuz they think I’m too immature and can’t think for myself….I would have listened to them and break up with him if not for my hard core feelings for him…he is the only person who treats me so gud …and becuz I don’t have experience with very love showing parents having a boyfriend who openly shows his love feels special…they also have problem that It will affect my studies but I’m focusing on my studies too and performing well enough
Hi Pareena.
It’s probably your first relationship, so you still have a lot to learn. I suggest that you talk with your parents. Tell them you’d like them to hear what you’re saying, not just listen to you. When they have your attention, say that education is extremely important to you and that you have your priorities straight and that you’d like them to understand this relationship is important for your personal growth and relationship skills. If they’re understanding people, they’ll let you stay in a relationship. But if they’re set on their beliefs and closed-minded, they’ll ignore your wants and needs and tell you to do what’s best for them.
Kind regards,
Zan
I’ve been in a secret relationship with an amazing guy who is my second cousin. We met after 10 years, had been meeting since kids. Then had some attraction and thought to give it a try. We really support each other and love each other. He had been insecure just because of my family disapproval. When I talked about him to my family, they didn’t take it well. It’s been going on for a few times now and he and no one wants any chaos. They are asking me to end with him. I don’t want to at all. He wants me. But doesn’t want me to go against them because of him. I won’t stop him but I won’t be going to be in any relationship after this. Everything is always great between us it’s just with out family conflict, we are in dilemma and have to go through emotional strain. Ultimately, we have to lead the life with the person we want. I want to fulfill his dreams together. Please help me what to do. It really hurts.
Hello! I’m going through a similar situation except I’m in the position of your boyfriend. My boyfriend family rejected my family and I… in one second after 4 years of friendship. If you want to talk more let me know!
Wow! Four years. Yeah sure go ahead.
Hi M.
I can’t decide what to do for you, but if you’ve been with this person for a while and think it’s worth the fight, see if you can reason with your family. Maybe, just maybe they’ll see the relationship is important to you and change their mind.
Kind regards,
Zan
My boyfriend and I broke up about five months ago because of my parents. We were in a relationship of six months and going on strong until they found out. For a while, we respected their wishes and stayed clear of each other. I had no other choice because I am a minor who cannot make decisions for myself. Recently, though, we started talking once again and it’s pretty clear that we still very much love each other. Would it be bad to pursue a friendship once again? Should I just cut him off completely and move on? Do we still stand a chance? Will adulthood help shape our future? (For reference, we are both 17.)
Hi Jusko.
Staying friends when you have romantic feelings would be difficult. You’d feel frustrated with each other and argue (or start arguing if you haven’t yet). That would make it much easier to meet other people and start dating those people. So you may as well avoid any hard feelings by breaking up if you plan on going down that road.
What you need to do is figure out if you want to fight for love (convince your parents) or let go of him. Settling for something in the middle (friendship) is not going to be easy. You first need to lose feelings before you try to be friends.
Kind regards,
Zan
My family disapprove of my relationship because of my partner’s family background – money minded and may be manipulative. My family is very firm on their ground and there’s no way for negotiation even if my partner is a really nice individual and nothing like his family. However, as the saying goes, “when you marry a person, you marry the family”.
Hi Melody.
It sucks, but you have an important decision to make. You either go against your parents or do as they say. Try to talk to your partner as much as possible and don’t get upset with him if he can’t accept your decision.
Kind regards,
Zan
I am going through this creepy phase currently… Right now,I’m crying like hell & reading this article with teary eyes!
I am completely helpless that I ended up searching in google for help.
I’m a 24 years old Indian girl. So you can easily interpret how typical Indian parents are! They’re telling me to break up & marry a settled guy of my cast since I was 22. Such a young age… Right? My parents don’t like my boyfriend mostly because of his appearance as he’s not a handsome hunk. Also he still have no jobs,but that’s the secondary cause. My Dad also compared him to a starving,ill,stray dog as my boyfriend is a skinny guy. He also calls him too disrespectfully which just tears my heart into pieces. But believe me, there are very few guys like him. He’s sensible,understanding,modern,intelligent,studious but not handsome,which my parents think as a big fault. I know if he gets 2 more years he can surely find a job. But my parents are in a hurry to get me married. There was a time when they tried to force me directly to break up, but now… they’re trying some indirect process like emotional blackmailing pinching there health,lack of money,old age!
I just want to cry & shout like why the fck I ended up being in INDIA?
Hi Mon.
It’s hard to reason with parents when they’re set on their beliefs. If it’s possible to convince them, give it a try. But if not, you’ll have a decision to make. You’ll have to choose who to be with.
Stay strong!
Zan
Hi Zan,
My girlfriend and Known each other for a little more than 6 years and dated for 3 years now. Because we are both girls, and Asian, her mom doesn’t like the idea of us being together and that put lots of pressure on my girlfriend to the point that she is now starting to think about breaking up with me and dating guys just so her mom can be happy. We are on the verge of breaking up now, we are currently on “a break” period, we just started the No Contact stage. I really want this relationship to work. Should I sit down and have an open conversation with her mom?
Hi Journey.
I don’t think you should talk to her mom about it. If anyone should do that, it’s your girlfriend. She should fight for the relationship by explaining why her happiness should be her parents’ top priority. Parents often cause couples to break up, Journey. They put so much pressure on the relationship that people tend to cave in.
Kind regards,
Zan
Thank you Zan, your articles had helped me greatly.
You’re welcome, Journey.
I’m happy to hear that!
Zan
I am from India and I know guy from almost 7 years and we are in relationship with each other from past 5 years and we are trying to convince in my home from more than 3 years now and my dad has only one thing to say “how can you expect me to accept such lower caste guy in to my family”, when he tried coming home he did not let him come in. Last week when i tried more they started threatening me telling We will do something for ourselves, else we will stop taking medicine for BP and diabetes. I really care for them to. I’m really worried. I have hoped my parents will agree seeing me getting aged(I’m 30 now) but till now there is constantly “NO” because my dad thinks they belong to very lower caste . I’m really going through sleepless nights and getting anxiety problem.
Any suggestion would be really helpful.
Hi Sushma.
You’re in a difficult situation because your parents are trying to manipulate you into doing what they want. Their mentalities seem fixed, so you’ll have a hard time convincing them. For now, Sushma, the most important thing you can do is to take care of your own well-being. Don’t worry about pleasing your parents for now. Just take care of your health and don’t overthink so much as it causes you anxiety.
In the west, people in your situation would often (not always of course) move out and be with their partner no matter what their parents say. When you’ve calmed down, you can decide what you want to do. You can move out, you can do what your parents want you to do and break up, or you can continue seeing your boyfriend.
You can take your time to decide.
Best regards,
Zan
Going through this as I type. Except a little different scenario. My boyfriend is a 60 year old widower. It’s his adult children and their wives who are forcing him to choose. For the second time. They lie about me and tell him I’m using him. Won’t speak to me face to face. They’re just worried about their inheritance I’m sure.
Anyhow. I don’t know why they want him to suffer so.
Spoiled brats.
Hi Anna.
I think they want the best for themselves. More time with him and perhaps even his inheritance. I’m not sure, but they’re not very open-minded and accepting of others.
Best regards,
Zan
My ex and I were together for a brief period of time, but the connection was just so mesmerizing that it felt different that any relationship him or I had had in the past.
My sisters and I had always known that my dad has a bad temper problem. My dad lost it and threatened him and he just couldn’t cope with all the horrible things my father said.
We are broken up for the moment and I have no idea how are we going to get past this or if we will be able to do it. I only know that we both need to heal from all of this.
Hi Mary.
It’s hard to stay with a woman when you feel unaccepted by her family. Family is the closest thing to her, so if it’s important to her, it should be important to her partner as well. Looks like you’ve both got some healing to do.
Best,
Zan
Hello, your article has helped me, I’ve been battling for 4 months out of a 10 month relationship to keep the girl I love but I ended it just because my parents told me to. My parents hated her mother because she came across as ignorant and therefore started picking holes in my whole relationship, saying things about my girlfriend like “she’s not good enough for you” and “she doesn’t make any effort with us” I really loved my girlfriend I’m 25 and still being dictated and controlled, I just don’t know what to do now because the whole relationship was strained and I’m going to find it hard not to try and get back with her. Can relationships work in this way, as I love both my parents and girlfriend and I like my girlfriends family too? Thanks
Hi Ashley.
It’s hard to change people’s set mentalities. You can try, but you won’t be able to because the more you’ll try, the more they’ll reject your ideas. The best advice I can give you is to talk to the girl (if she’s still with you) and ask her if she wants to fix the family drama. If she does, find ways to relieve the pressure both parents put on the relationship. But if she doesn’t, then you have no choice but to leave her be.
Stay strong!
Zan
Hi, I have a 3 years relationship. We love each other so much. We can’t live without each other. His parents were fine with our marriage without seeing or knowing me, but they wanted me to convince my parents for marriage. it took me 2 years to convince them and they finally did. 6 months back they came home to fix our marriage. After few days I had an argument with his mother regarding wedding budget due to some misunderstandings. I apologized her. Even my parents talked to her. But it has been 6 months she don’t talk to me, I tried alot to makeup things even he tried alot but she is been stubborn. And she says him not to marry me. She says I am depression and may die if he marries me. Everyone in the family is against the marriage. He is in lot of stress and being alone child he says he can’t leave his parents and can’t take any risk with their lives.
Hi Arti.
It’s your boyfriend’s responsibility to fight for you and the relationship. If he can’t or doesn’t want to do that, he’s putting his parents first and will continue to do so for a long time. He wouldn’t have to “leave” his parents if his parents were more understanding and supportive of him. But it looks like their mentalities are fixed. You should let your partner handle it himself. If he wants to fix the relationship and get married, he will.
Best,
Zan
I’m facing the same situation. I don’t want to be the dumper. That’s the last thing I would want to do to him. He is just perfect but my parents are physically and emotionally abusing me to break up. They are forcing me to quit my job, if I continue to pursue him. This is so unfair. I hope if this doesn’t go well, god gives him enough strength move on and be happy again.
Hi Jiya.
I’m sorry your parents are getting in the way of your relationship. Try to be strong and maybe things will work out on their own.
Sincerely,
Zan
I’m Asian and boyfriend is 2 years older than me (I’m 29). I met him while studying overseas and after I came back we have been in a long distance relationship for 4 years. My parents really disapprove of us because they think that I will go far away from them and not look after them if I were to end up with this person. My life is hell now. The only thing I look forward to are the daily phone calls with my boyfriend. my family members encourage me to leave him because they don’t know why I have to go through this hell for “just one guy”. I have had an amazing relationship with this person and would give anything to be with him — except my parents because I keep getting trapped in the non-filial lectures, that they shouldn’t have sent me overseas to study, that they gave me love and education and I grew up to backstab them..
I’m so torn and broken. I have never thought of abandoning my parents and it could have worked out fine if they let me manage things but nobody is willing to listen to me 😭
Hi Sad.
It’s hard to argue about parents about this as they’ve set their minds. The best thing you can do is to sit down with them one day and tell them you’re glad they’re concerned about you but that you’ve decided to pursue your relationship. Assure them that you’re not going to elope with your boyfriend but that you’d like them to be open-minded and at least give the guy a chance.
Pick a time when they’ll listen to you. Perhaps after doing them some kind of favor.
Best regards,
Zan
Me and my partner are in our mid 30’s and due to financial reasons, both still live at our parents homes.
We recently got engaged a few moths after being together 2 years, but with recent arguments between me and her. It has caused my father to say outrightly I don’t want her as a daughter in law or in this house anymore.
Me and my partner are barely together, even though i’m her soulmate, but she won’t wear the engagement ring I got her, because of my dad. She has said that he’s already ruined our engagement and the relationship is straining.
I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place, i’ve told my father he’s ruining the relationship, and stubborn. But says I’m still not having her in this house. I don’t know what to do…
Hi Aaron.
Maybe it will help if you stop convincing your father to change his mind about your fiance and focus on bonding with her instead. He might see that he misjudged the two of you if he sees that you’re happy together.
Consider telling your fiance that it doesn’t matter what your father thinks and that your love for her is more important.
Best regards,
Zan
Hi,
I’m in a similar situation where my boyfriends parents will not accept partners of a different nationality. They are Chinese and believe their children should marry and have children with those from the same region.
My partner has an older brother who has followed this expectation, and an older sister who has not. However, due to his already strained relationship with his dad, my partner has decided our relationship is doomed despite his mother acknowledging that her viewpoints are wrong. Although we have not been together long, we both felt an extremely strong bond from the start, and it hurts me that we can’t be together just because I’m the wrong race.
hi Jemma.
I’m sorry to hear that your boyfriend’s parents aren’t accepting you. Forced breakups can be difficult, so I hope that you have a good support system and take some time to detach.
If your ex decides to fight for you, keep in mind that he’ll let you know. But until he does, you may want to stay out of contact with him.
Best regards,
Zan
i wish his parents are open minded, i am from southeast asia and parents still chooses the ones that are rich and professional. when i say professional, a person who has license like engineers, architects, nurses, teacher, fireman, doctor or a person who has a regular position in the government. I am working in bpo industry and this is the most degraded profession in my country. Not to brag but I am earning more than my partner, he is an architect. His parents seems to disapprove of me because of my job i think and they want him to look for a better person for my partner than me. A person with a better profession as what they think of a professional. It really hurts and i am thinking not to accept marriage proposal of my partner because of this. I love him but getting disapprovement from his parents or relatives is something that won’t do for me, it’s so hard T_T
Hi Genph.
The guy’s parents are old-fashioned and seem to dictate who he dates. They’ve always decided what he does, so he doesn’t get to decide things for himself. If he can fight for you and explain why you’re important to him, he may be able to change his parents’ opinion.
I understand your concern. Being with a person whose parents disapprove of you is hard. That’s why you need to figure things out before you decide to get married.
Don’t pressure your partner too much, but do talk to him about it and explain how important it is for you to get accepted into the family and be recognized as an equal.
Best of luck,
Zan
I am in same situation now and I am restless. My parents (As my father has expired Mother alone with my Grand parents) are not accepting my relationship just because our profession is different and he is not rich as they are expecting. When I told them about us they went to his home and talked and everything went well after that they are telling his parents are not well educated and not well dressed and they have small home blah blah unnecessary reasons which is not required at all. I am confident that he is a very good human being and he can take care of me and he can give me all love which I deserve. My family is only thinking about their prestige by telling they are concerning about me. As my mother is all alone she can not take a stand for me. I really do not want to run away and get married and 100% sure that my parents will never agree. but I have to decide one day anyway . I m very much depressed. No one should suffer with this pain. I really do not want to leave just because he is not rich(according to society).
Hi Pooja.
I’m sorry to hear your mom and grandparents have been opposing your relationship. Unfortunately, it’s hard to go against them because they have fixed mentalities. Maybe, just maybe you could convince them in a positive manner that the person you’re seeing is good for you and that they should give him a try. Perhaps if you don’t beg them but tell them that you expect support from them, maybe they’ll listen.
Stay strong Pooja.
Zan
I’m also in the same exact position like yours Pooja. I and my bf likes each other a lot. Things went smoothly in the beginning. His parents seemed to accept this marriage very happily. Slowly they brought up money into this love marriage and demanded us certain money. Once after hardly convincing my parents, they are not happy because my father didn’t say strongly and happily itseems!! They simply bring up silly things and he surrendered easily and gave up on me and accepted them… I really pray to god that things should go happily with you and you should not be left alone like me
Hi Sreeja.
I hope everything works out for you. I know it will one way or another, so be strong for now and do what’s best for you.
Sincerely,
Zan
I met a girl in school and she has been my first love. We grew from students through university and into our working life. We have grow up together and a little over a third of my life has been with her. There is not a single fault in our relationship, we are each others peace. We are the same religion and even the same sect of this religion. Our families are from 2 different countries. Due to being caught in an unflattering situation, her parents have semented in their minds that myself and people of my country are dirty and unfit for marraige. She has pleaded and argued with them for many years to no avail, her parents humiliated her infront of her siblings and turned them against us and against me. Her family will not budge and insist on bring forward proposals to her disapproval. We are sacrficing a 8 year relationship of pure happiness and tranquility, for no fault of our own but because there is no peaceful way forward. We both need our parents support as we cant afford to loose our families or financially afford to be independent together. We are truly trapped.
Hi Omair.
You’re in a tough situation. It’s very important that you talk to your partner about what you’re going to do. Do you make plans and stay together despite opposing parents or do you let them “win” and separate? If you choose to fight, you must do so in a way where you don’t associate anger or discontent with each other. Oftentimes, opposing parents cause their offspring to resent their partner and give up. So be aware of this and discuss the course of action with your partner.
Kind regards,
Zan
My boyfriend and I (34 & 33) are very much in love, we’ve dated for brief period but enough to know that life together was seamless and flowed beautifully. He knew there would be some obstacles with his parents because we’re of different religions but he was caught unaware by just how strong their hatred was for Muslims.
He was shook when they were aggressive in their rejection of a Muslim daughter in law; as he was sure that his parents are so supportive and loving, that they would surely come through.
They know nothing about the person I am.. or the relationship we share, how we make each other happy or how we find our way back to each other when things don’t go too well on a bad day.
So he gave in, said he couldn’t upset them at the cost of this relationship. Couldn’t move forward without their acceptance and blessings. These things became more serious when they found out he wanted to propose.
And now everything that we built, which is very real is being sacrificed before an ancient mindset which is so heartbreaking because even though we broke up against our will, we don’t have anyone else to turn to except each other, in our misery. No love lost, completely understanding of our situation just not together anymore. How do I even pacify myself, its just so unfair.
Hi Anonymous.
It’s hard to go against stubborn parents. That’s why these kinds of breakups are the worst. There’s nothing you can do about them because the dumper (your ex) isn’t willing to do anything about it. He doesn’t want to fight and oppose his parents, so all you can do is to walk away.
Convince yourself that you wouldn’t be happy with such disapproving parents anyway and that moving on isn’t what you want, but that it’s much better than being resented and told you’re not good enough for their son.
Sincerely,
Zan