My heart goes out to anyone who’s in love with their ex when their ex is dating someone else already. I know how much it hurts to see the person you love with someone else. Before you even get the chance to accept the breakup and move on, your ex is already sleeping with someone new and planning a future with him or her.
It’s like your commitment didn’t matter.
But even if it didn’t matter, don’t blame yourself for your ex’s actions. It’s not your fault your ex is dating someone else already and acting like you don’t exist.
It’s your ex’s fault because your ex doesn’t care about anyone other than himself or herself.
Dumpers often start dating again after the breakup because doing so makes it possible for them to ignore relationship issues and distracts them from reality. It gives them an opportunity to sweep problems under the rug and focus on making themselves feel good.
You need to know that anyone who does that doesn’t deserve your love, attention, and commitment. The person you were with deserves to be cut out of your life so that you can forget about your ex and be happy again.
From now on, you need to work on taking your rose-tinted glasses off and seeing your ex for the person he or she is. That’s how you’ll be able to let go of reconciliation hope and enjoy your life without your ex in it.
This post is for you if your ex is dating someone else already and it hurts.
Why is my ex dating someone else already?
If you’re in a lot of pain because your ex is dating someone else already, you’re probably wondering why on Earth your ex started dating so quickly. Why didn’t your ex take the time to reflect, learn from the breakup, and improve in ways he or she needs to improve?
You must be so flabbergasted by your ex’s actions that you wonder if you ever even knew your ex.
Thoughts like these are completely normal as people aren’t always who they present themselves to be. In relationships, they may appear nice, friendly, and loyal, but when they leave their partners, they show their exes who they really are. They show them how they treat people they fell out of love with and how selfish they can be when they feel tempted to get involved with other people.
I’d like you to know that the reason your ex is dating someone else already has nothing to do with what you were like in a relationship with your ex. People who monkey-branch into a new relationship shortly after the breakup usually do so to get the most out of their life.
They want to love and be loved by someone else and forget about the life they had with their ex-partner. I don’t know about you, but to me, anyone who moves on so quickly has very little if any care any sympathy for the ex. All he or she is thinking about is “me, me, me.”
Sometimes the reason for a “me mentality” is temptations and the inability to control those temptations—and other times, monkey-branchers think of themselves as victims and blame their exes for the way they feel. They don’t want to take responsibility, so they make their ex responsible for their actions, anger, and their lack of romantic feelings.
It’s unfortunate, but many dumpers are in a hurry to date someone else. They’re tired of their previous relationship and think they deserve love. That’s why they usually get together with the first person who shows interest in them. The new person makes them limerent and forces them to go through the stages of a new relationship.
To dumpers who just broke up with an ex, the only thing that matters is how exciting their new relationship feels. Everything else doesn’t matter as they can figure it out later when or if their relationship gets serious.
You mustn’t keep an eye on your ex while your ex is in the love phase because it will destroy you emotionally, make you obsessed with your ex, and waste your precious post-breakup time. You should instead invest in yourself and try to stay as busy as you can.
With that said, here’s why your ex is dating someone else already.
These are the main reasons why your ex is dating already. Since it’s so easy to find a new person to date these days, people get involved with someone new rather quickly.
Instead of reflecting on their mistakes and improving themselves, they get together with someone they barely know and see if it’s possible to make the relationship work.
Your ex isn’t rushing just because he or she is afraid of being alone. Your ex is probably used to being in a relationship because relationships provide your ex with relationship benefits and make him or her feel validated, respected, loved, and emotionally/sexually fulfilled.
But unfortunately, most relationships make couples feel good and special until couples get out of the infatuation phase and start encountering disagreements and problems. That’s when they learn to work together or break up.
Initially, people enter into relationships to feel accepted, validated, and fulfilled.
But when they get comfortable around each other, they stop putting such an importance on those particular emotions and want:
- security
- longevity
- understanding
- support
- comfort
- peace
My ex is dating someone else already and it hurts
If your ex is dating someone else already and it hurts badly, I suggest that you protect yourself by distancing yourself from your ex. The easiest way you can do that is by following the indefinite no contact rule. This rule will prevent you from finding out unnecessary information about your ex and his or her new partner and slowly return your sense of self-worth.
It won’t happen overnight, but the longer you stay in no contact the more and quicker you’ll recover. You won’t have to overload your brain with questions such as whether your ex is happy in his or her new relationship and if your ex will ever come back.
What your ex does when you go no contact doesn’t concern you anymore.
All that matters in no contact is your well-being. Your ex doesn’t care much about you, so you need to fall in love with yourself. When you do, your pain will decrease and your ex’s value in your eyes will soon follow suit. That’s when you’ll take your ex off the pedestal and understand that thinking about your ex is a big waste of time.
Not only is it unnecessary, but it’s also making it harder for you to detach and find your happiness. And “hard” is not something you need. The breakup is already plenty difficult. You now need to become emotionally independent so you can once again worry about things that actually matter.
Here are 8 tips you can follow today that will guarantee the smoothest recovery when you’re hurting because your ex is dating someone else already.
Keeping tabs on your ex serves no purpose. It only depresses you, makes you blame yourself, keeps your hope alive, and prevents you from moving on. And so does keeping your ex’s gifts.
So if your ex is dating someone else already and it hurts like hell, take my words of advice seriously. Start no contact with your ex right now. You have nothing to lose by cutting your ex out of your life. Only things to gain.
The sooner you decide to stand up for yourself and prioritize healing, the more your ex will respect you and the more you’ll respect yourself.
Your self-esteem has probably dived, so this is a good time to rebuild it.
What can you do when your ex is dating someone else?
If your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend started seeing someone else right away or soon after the breakup, the best thing you can do is to do nothing.
Doing nothing cultivates the best possible results because it gives your ex a chance to be free. Freedom will make your ex see your strength and allow your ex to respect you for your ability to handle breakups maturely.
So do your best not to:
- get revenge on your ex
- seek closure
- talk to your ex or about your ex
- show you’re hurt and in denial
- message your ex’s new partner
Trying to win your ex over with words and insecure actions is only going to push your ex toward his or her new partner and hurt you more.
That’s because neediness and insecurities could make your ex:
- laugh at you
- get a huge ego boost
- lose respect for you
- block you
- show your texts to his or her friends
It’s much better for your ex and safer for you to follow the rules of no contact and wait for your ex to make the first move. Your ex dumped you, so no matter what the circumstances are, your ex must be the one to come to you.
Your ex must find reasons to communicate with you and decide to take things further with you.
Competing with your ex’s new boyfriend/girlfriend
First of all, your ex doesn’t want you to fight for him or her. Your ex wants space because space will let your ex give his or her new relationship a chance to blossom.
You probably don’t want that to happen, but right now, you don’t have a choice. Interfering with your ex’s relationship is going to make you look really bad. It’s going to make your ex perceive you even worse than he or she already does and complicate things for both of you.
So if you want the best for yourself as well as your ex, let your ex date his or her new partner. Let your ex be free while you work on improving yourself and rebuilding your happiness and self-esteem.
The new person could be of more use to you than you think. The new man or woman could make your ex realize that you were a better romantic partner and cause your ex to rebound badly. That could force your ex to come running back and apologize for leaving.
Until that happens, though, you need to keep your composure and focus on loving yourself.
Here are some tips to remember when your ex starts dating someone else.
In the relationship with your ex, you showed who you were and what you were capable of. Now it’s the new person’s turn to impress your ex and try to have a relationship with your ex.
You’re probably thinking, “But I wasn’t my best self when I was with my ex. I neglected my ex and took my ex for granted.“
Dear reader, nobody’s perfect. Not you, your ex, or your ex’s new partner. Everybody makes mistakes—and so will your ex’s new partner. It’s just a matter of time because people are flawed by nature.
When relationships are new, we give it our best and appear to be perfect. But when things get old and emotions of excitement subside, we take each other for granted at times and sometimes even get the grass is greener syndrome.
That’s when we show how willing we are to maintain our romantic relationship.
I’m telling you this so you don’t put yourself down for the mistakes you’ve made throughout the relationship. Now that you’re no longer with the person you love, you must give your ex space and work on things that need work. You may not be able to fix the past and the way your ex felt about your words and actions, but you can make sure that you do things differently in the future.
Your ex’s new girlfriend or boyfriend will have to go through all the relationship stages. And when he or she does, the grass is greener syndrome could kick in, causing them to experience issues.
Here are 3 simple things GIGS needs to develop.
So when your ex detaches from you and starts dating someone else, keep in mind that your ex will expect this new person to be better than you. Your ex will want to have what you had, just without the disagreements or certain problems.
And your ex might get that. The real problem is that your ex will have to face different issues and find ways to resolve those issues. If he or she can’t, your ex will fail badly and see that the problem was with him/her and not you.
That’s something that could take a lot of time, so don’t wait for your ex to have an epiphany. If your ex’s new relationship is a rebound, it could take months for him or her to get through the 6 stages of a rebound relationship.
Here are those stages.
- Infatuation
- Honeymoon
- Reality and conflicts
- Nostalgia and comparisons
- Regret and disappointment
- Reconnection or abandonment
So if your ex is dating someone else already and it hurts, keep in mind that this new person could be the road back to your heart—even if you messed up badly.
But for that to happen, your ex must fail, get hurt, and discover your worth on his or her own.
It hurts so much! My ex doesn’t care about me at all!
If you think that your ex doesn’t care, you’re probably right. If your ex cared, he or she wouldn’t have left and started dating someone else. Your ex would have stayed by your side and helped you get over the breakup.
Dumpers who care about their exes offer sympathy and support. They show that despite breaking up, they value their ex as a human being and that they don’t want their ex to suffer.
Your ex didn’t do that. Your ex happily jumped into a relationship with someone else and showed you how little you meant to him or her.
That tells you that your ex is not very special at all. He or she isn’t someone you should be crying over and hoping to get back with. Your heart probably tells you that your ex is worth the wait, but that’s only because you’re hurt. Once you stop hurting and regain your composure, you’re going to wonder what you were thinking when you wanted to be with your ex even though your ex was with someone else.
Always remember that anyone who starts dating someone else does so because he or she doesn’t want to be with you anymore/again. It doesn’t matter if your ex told you things like, “It’s just a break, It’s not serious, I feel like we’ll get back together in the future.”
Promises after the breakup are empty. They carry no weight and assurance that the dumper will come back and actually want to be with you. So try not to hold on to hope too much. Hope is your worst enemy after the breakup as it’s keeping you in the past while your ex is dating someone else, focusing on the present and future.
A person who cares about you and wants to be with you will show you care today, not tomorrow or a week from now. He or she will do what you need to heal and not what’s best for him or her to save face and avoid guilt.
So if your ex isn’t helping you, help yourself. Sign up for therapy, confide in your family, ask your friends for help, and stay busy. The things you do after the breakup will determine how long it takes to get over the breakup and what you learn from it.
The real reason why exes come back
When dumpers break up with dumpees, they have no intention of ever coming back. To them, the breakup is final, absolute, certain, definite, and done. They’ve decided not to stay with their exes and that they must focus on their own happiness.
And that’s what they do.
Of course, this doesn’t mean that they never go back on their word. Sometimes they try to enjoy their lives but fail. They run into problems and learn that their ex was better than they’d thought. As a result, they contact their ex and find out what their ex is up to.
If their ex still longing for them, they feel that their ex can’t help them with whatever they’re going through and find someone else to date. But if their ex appears to be doing well and doesn’t need them back, they become curious about their ex and want to know more.
They want to know what’s keeping their ex busy and giving their ex strength while they’re miserable. That’s why they try to get back with their ex.
So for your ex to come back, your ex will most likely need to suffer in his or her new relationship. Your ex will need to compare you to the new person and see that you were a decent partner. That’s when your ex will start to doubt his or her new relationship and actions and wonder if you’ll take him or her back.
You need to remain strong and in control of your life so that if you still want to be with your ex when your ex wants you back, you can control the flow of the new relationship and tell your ex to work on things he or she badly needs to work on.
Let your ex come to you!
If you’re still thinking to yourself, “My ex is dating someone else already and it hurts,” your first and only priority should be to heal and get your ex out of your mind.
I know it’s hard to let your ex go, but you need to start accepting the breakup and moving on. The only way your ex will want to be with you again is if you exude strength and let your ex come to you. Any other method will likely annoy your ex and make your ex even more hesitant about being with you.
So don’t beg and plead, apologize or do anything that won’t impress your ex.
If you make post-breakup mistakes, you’ll ruin the way your ex sees you and make reconciliation very difficult. You’ll basically show you’re not on the same page with your ex and that you’re not worthy of being in a relationship with your ex.
Even if you don’t want your ex back anymore, you should still stay away from your ex. Follow no contact so that you can work on yourself and become the person you want to be.
Is your ex dating someone else already and it hurts? What are you doing to cope with anxiety? Let us know by commenting below.
And if you’d like to talk to us about your ex’s new relationship and the pain it’s giving you, visit our coaching page for more information.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Learn more about me or get in touch today.
Hi Zan Thanks for your work, I really enjoy your articles and they help a lot.
My ex recently broke up with me after 5 years. We were having dinner and by the end of dinner we had broken up. I was totally blind sided and completely taken back by what was happening. At first I blamed my self and thought that I must have done something wrong. I sent an email and apologised etc, nothing. Soon after I found out she was dating someone else.
I have gone completely no contact, but I really struggle as I want to contact her as I have many questions? I feel really hurt and betrayed and would like to talk to her, however I have committed to non contact.
Break ups are so hard and sometimes feel so unfair, I am trying to move on but I am struggling and dont feel like I am making very much progress.
I would appreciate any comments or advice?
Thanks Dave
Hi Dave.
I’m sorry to hear you were betrayed. You shouldn’t blame yourself because it’s not your fault. It’s hers because she took you for granted and allowed herself to develop a connection with someone else. Breakups suck, Dave, but you’ll pull through this! Stay in no contact and you’ll see you deserve better! Someone who’ll remain faithful.
Don’t reach out to your ex. If you want to get things off your chest, post comments here or sign up for therapy. Your ex will only cause you more pain.
Sincerely,
Zan
This is a cute article that is trying to empower the person being dumped but if your ex was in a long term relationship with you and then dumps you and has a new relationship already it’s because they were cheating on you and is no doubt HIGH as fuck on the narcissism spectrum or is a narcissists be glad they left you and do yourself a favor never speak to that b**** again
Hi John.
I agree with you. Dumpers who get together with someone new after the breakup often do this because they cheat on their partner and leave after developing feelings.
Kind regards,
Zan
Hi Zan,
My girlfriend broke up with me out of the blue (or so it seemed) at the end of September. Sadly, it was in fact a monkey branch. She left me straight away for this new person that she met in the street and caught her eye.
I have been no contact since she moved out of the house and it is so incredibly hard.
We were living together for 2 years, but had lived together a year before we became romantically involved. We had a lockdown to bond over!
She moved away, but annoyingly keeps coming back to see her new guy.
I have done an awful lot of soul searching, reading and reflecting. I have identified my faults, and want to make sure I become a better person for the next romantic relationship I get in.
Your website has been so helpful, and it’s really helping me to get through this stage of my life.
I don’t know what the future holds, if she’s likely to come running back but I have put all my faith in no contact that I will heal in time.
So thank you for all of your insights.
Hi Daniel.
I know it hasn’t been easy for you, but trust me that it keeps getting easier with time. No contact is the solution you’re looking for because whether your ex comes back or not, you’re going to heal and feel better. So stay strong and keep investing in yourself. Learn as much as you can and make sure it’s the last time someone hurts you so much.
Hang in there, Daniel!
Zan
I am two weeks apart from my ex and she is already with someone. I was with her for two years and the next day from our anniversary she broke up with me because she wanted to work on herself. I knew she lied to me but because I loved her I didn’t care. It hurt so much but than we got back together for less than a week and than she left me again not really for any reason. In this relationship I did everything for her and gave her everything she wanted. She really didn’t put as much effort In for alot of it and now I’ve realised that I have been in a mentally abusive relationship. If there is any advice out please help I really need it because I’m struggling. Thank you.
Hi Dudley.
It’s possible that you gave too much and smothered your ex. You made it too easy for her and she didn’t have to do very much.
I strongly suggest that you increase your self-esteem and emotional strength. It’s of utmost importance that you discover your worth and heal. When you do, you’ll never lose yourself in a relationship again. You’ll know your worth and what not to tolerate.
Best regards,
Zan
Wow to be honest she used you sorry to say that but she will come around, she’s gonna missed on that.
Pls try hrd to stay on NC.
Me and my now ex of 5 weeks were together for 4 years, when he met me I had a 5 month old son, aswell as 2 daughters, my ex took on my son as his own as the biological wasn’t a nice person. So anyway, my ex raised my son for 4 years of his life and was his ‘daddy’. We didn’t have the best relationship, before we even went official he told me all about his wife he’d split with a year before, how she cheated etc, then after our first fall out I found out he had messaged his ex wife confiding in her, unfortunately this started me feeling insecure with him. Nothing was ever his fault, if I changed the way I was then he wouldn’t be the way he was. Anytime we fell out he would just leave, threaten to end it, or message another woman. And I always let him come back. Bare in mind he’s now 39 with no children of his own so he’s fairly immature in some senses.
So last month just 2 weeks after our family holiday he told me it was over on the phone, he’d been working away a lot more as a truck driver, within 4 days he’d come and removed all his belongings and the next day was out at a festival while my heart was breaking. He said it was best for himself and my son that he doesn’t seem him anymore, so 5 weeks on my little boy still mentions his daddy. Because life really hates me at the moment, I found out a few days ago I’m pregnant, he was informed as I felt that the right thing to do, his first reaction was to demand a DNA test and accuse me of making it up because I apparently wanted him back that badly 🙄 but as it turns out he’s now seeing someone else already, a woman we used to hang out with, who was once engaged to a friend of his.
From the looks of it I’m losing this baby, and I’ll be dealing with it alone because his only concern is that nothing affects his new relationship or his selfish lifestyle. Sorry to ramble on but it actually feels good to get it all out.
Hi Rachel.
I’m sorry to hear things ended this way. Your ex fell out of love, possibly because he’d met another woman. Men often leave because they get enticed by another woman.
Whatever the case may be, don’t contact him anymore. You’ve informed him of the baby and that’s all you needed to do. Now you should get over him and figure out what to do. I advise you to talk to friends and family about this, Rachel. They could give you some good advice and make you feel understood.
Stay strong,
Zan
Hey Rachael..
Here is some tough love. You have three kids already. You do not need anymore right now. Get on the pill or long lasting birth control option. You are messing up your kids because you lack good self esteem and common sense with men. Get yourself together before you date anyone else. Your kids see you and will later as they get older will not respect you. Try to improve yourself by going back to school, getting therapy or finding a hobby besides making babies with deadbeats. No one is perfect, I am not perfect. I just am older and see that you are stuck in a pattern. You sound young. You can do it. Be the best version of yourself. Good luck!
I just want to say, that after my recent breakup (which I regrettably initiated) I began searching for and reading through dozens of blogs and sites and listening to so many different podcasts hoping to hear or read someone put things into some type of perspective that made sense, resonated and contributed to my healing process in a specific way..this blog has been everything that I was searching/hoping for…thank you for your words of wisdom..you are truly a lifeline during this time of distress..🙏
Hi Jonathan.
Thank you for your kind words. I’m happy that this site has been helping you cope with heartbreak. I know how hard it can be to get dumped and feel lost, but stay strong and you’ll get through this, Jonathan!
I still have a lot to learn, so thanks for being here!
Best regards,
Zan
My college sweetheart brokeup with me after 3.5 years of serious relationship. We were deeply connected and loyal to eachother. But due to some personal misfortune in my life I was broken and feeling low in 2020 which all started after pandemic roll out. After relationship sustainability become heavy but I was trying to cope up and become stable first but she felt ignored and unheard. She without confronting me about all of her vulnerability started to talk this this guy around September 2020 and by January we were on a break she went out with him more then twice but saying it wasn’t a date-date. Things were getting pretty messy and I didn’t confronted her much and have to return my hometown. After that she broke up with me and instantly dating this guy and I think not more then three date maybe slept with him( it maybe speculation but she only told me but when I freaked out she said she was lying because she wants me to move on and this will happen sooner or later so she used it). So yeah it hurts badly because I was going to marry this girl and she knows about this fact but still she now in a relationship in a blink of a moment. Honestly speaking I am emotionally broken and can’t cope up. But your blogs and indefinite no contact makes a lot of sense. Whenever I contacted her out of desperation she started to use her new relationship as sheild and shoo me away with that, I was about to compete to win her back and was begging and all. But it seems so wrong and reading a lot of your article it makes sense that she had to come back crawling then only it will all work in right way.
Thank you zan
PS you saved my life because I was clueless how to cope up all this and was being suicidal and all. Now I feel well rested after knowing the ground realities stated by you.
My ex and I have been in a Relationship for around 3 years. But since October 2020 I started having issues with her. I did some past mistakes the second year we were dating where i chatted with other girls she confronted me before and we talked she forgave me and never ever betrayed that. She often complained about me not being too affectionate to her, its true I tend to have some self issue where i am not like super affectionate but I did my best to change that and i did with her. Since October she had a burnout from work and everything in general in her life, it was since then she started to get distant. And last time we met she just broke up with me out of the blue, she blamed me for that with things like i was only with her for personal interest, never affectionate with her. I don’t really understand. Since then once in a while we text and sometime she even text me but when i reply back she just ghost me for some days. The weirdest thing is that if i send her a message she actually still have my login for fb messenger she would actually nearly everyday log onto my facebook when am asleep. I really don’t understand why would she still stalk my messenger if she broke up with me.
There is hope and I got it. I read this article when my girlfriend of 4 years left me, she suffered from mental health problems and I was the guy that wanted to fix her. It took me a couple of years to clearly understand mental health problems, during our relationship we argued a lot, we didnt have anything in common at the time and really struggled to understand each other as we had different views about our lives.
We got together when we were young 18 / 20 – and had a child soon after and from there on our relationship came crashing down. during our relationship we would argue over our living conditions (she lives with her abusive dad), we argued over stupidest things all the time, we were both stubborn, and at the time was addicted to games and prefered playing games with my friends rather than spending quality time with her, she recently lost her mother and when she went into labour she felt alone, although i was there I lacked the support she needed and wanted. when we had the baby i was completely useless and didnt really help out, however, I always tried to encourage her to get professional help regarding her mental health but refused as she thought she knew better so we argued about that, she is very affectionate and loving and loves to spend time on important days such as valentines day, mothers day, but i never was like that and only thought of them as normal days and didnt really care about them over the years I got extremely complaicent in our relationship almost to the point where I took her for granted and would not listen to her request (i know i sound like the bad guy here but my girlfriend was really difficult to handle due to her constant negativity, suicidal thoughts were also difficult to manage) eventually one day she started listening to me got medical help, got a job so her social life improved and didnt have to be with the baby all the time, but i noticed that she got progressively distant, before I realised she was smittened by someone at her job who gave her the affection shes been looking for and dropped the break up bomb on me.
she said she wanted to work on herself blah blah blah, she felt on the top of the world as if I was completely the source of her happiness. This is where i was just all over the place, i read this article at the time when i was looking for hope and one thing that hit was it said ”let your ex experience that the grass isnt always greener on the other side” they got together soon after we broke up and obviously they had sex which was hard to swallow but one day i got a text at 5am asking if i could talk with her, i obviously spoke to her on the phone and found out the guy had been lying to her and had cheated on her, we are in speaking terms again and have had long hours communicating where it all went wrong in our relationship we arent back together but it seems the road is going towards there and are talking everyday.
the point of this whole story is that this article summed up everything that i wanted to know, i know its hard but listen to the advice given above.
My ex and I were together around 3yrs and broke up 5yrs ago. Unlike many stories I read most of our issues were situational/work related so it’s not like anyone got dumped. As the situation deteriorated in the latter 12-18 months (while I sought work while – simultaneously renting two places to be with/move closer to her), despite my best efforts there was no option but to set each other free as it was tearing us apart, arguments, tension setting in (many of which she caused as she was less than supportive of my plight). At the time it was amicable and I genuinely respected and wanted her to find someone to offer her all the things I allegedly couldn’t. About 6 months later she started dating someone else and although I was ok with it at first, after a brief glance at his FB feed it seemed he exemplified many of the traits that caused so many arguments in our relationship. For example she once told me (while on holiday), “I’d never have children with a man who drinks alcohol” (I seldom drink), he played computer games (which she’d hate if I ever did that), he lived in a flat share (which she criticised me for), lots of a “real man would…” (moral high ground type stuff if you get my drift). So essentially what I struggle with is the hypocrisy, as I’ve gone from a relative level acceptance to ruminating about why I was given so much grief over very small details, yet with this new guy (whom based looks quite a soft/pushover – something else she’d hate) it’s all ok. Last I heard they have a kid together so I don’t know what to make of it all, I feel like he’s undeservedly living the life I was given so much sh*t for. Any help much appreciated as it’s years later and given the state of dating and the fact she was a relative unicorn I’m struggling with the cloud of ‘what if’s?’ :/
don’t waste your time and energy ,people are selfish she has the life she deserves not the one she dreamed of ,,if you cant learn from this then you too will never grow ,,so do everything to remove your thoughts from her and invest in yourself and maybe someone that sees you as special just the way you are..
I have known a girl for 9 months of which 4.5 months we dated and 4.5 months we kept in touch via text , phone calls and mailing cards due to Covid lockdown. She dumped me abruptly saying her first love whom she was going to marry came back to her life. It hurts me so much thinking that she was the one. Any advice?
This is my experience with my ex gf.Does she really love her new? Until now they stay together but I know how my ex really loves me? I just messed up our relationship. I was to blame..
what if i was a rebound and i didnt know that and trust me it hurts so much.
I was dating this particular guy in my office. I made a terrible mistake and cheated on him, he forgave me and it happened again with the same person. I deeply regret all that happened now cos i trully love him so much, I’m on the verge of hurting myself as just discovered that he’s seeing someone else now not even up to 2 weeks since it happened. He’s told me to move on, but i cant, I feel really heartbroken since its my fault. I have a lot of regret and my one true love has left me. I dont know what to do anymore.
No third chance..Im skeptical if you really love him. You must not have repeated it. Once is enough..Just move now and enjoy life as long as you can
Dj , NJ , Was married 15 years woman , have and 8 yo b , 13 yo g , kids are scared , i madecsureci live 6 min away , this crazy A tried to get me to sign them away . I told her their would be no breath left in my body before that happened . I got 50% Physical and %50 Custodial , no alimony , i see them half weeks . I thought I was the best husband ,Dad , every check came home , never cheated, but this wack job , separate bank accounts , she Emotionally cheated on the texting , physically , effn probably , she hurt my 2 kids by digging her nails in his neck and her arm , i took pics . Always had her effed up hillbilly family involved breaking us apart , her sister ugly , no man wanted her , she was jealous , her father , cheap , i paid $30k for my Wed, he shows me an $11k Quad 3 weeks later bragging , Shes on Match.com and i heard dating , my life is the kids , to protect them , Im well aware of molestation stories. Im very anxious about kids when their not with me . She initiated divorce after 15 years. but I know I should have years ago , she even looked at her Ex boyfriends FB page over 100x in a year that i know of . I finally told dudes wife to block her. Crazy 15 yrs , but grateful for kids of course. any advice for Anxiety Ty D
So me and my ex were together for almost a year. 10 months actually. (I know that’s not a long time to most) we had worked together for 2.5 years before we ever started dating though. Within those 10 months I decide to move from NC to SC with my son so we could start a life together. We lived together for 5months. I had my son change schools and I left my entire family and friends to be with him. I noticed he had started to become different and distant so my insecurities went into over drive, I came up with every scenario in my head and drove myself crazy. Then he would start saying comments that he knew would get under my skin to make me mad, which would then turn into a bad argument. Our last fight I was crying and I asked him to be honest on whether he loves me or not. He said he didn’t anymore and made me and my son leave and I had to move all of my stuff out the next day back to NC. In the blink of an eye my life has change dramatically. We continued talking for two months about trying to work things out he said he did love me but he was angry that night… 2months after our breakup he got mad at me for no reason and blocked me on everything. Come to find out he had met a girl on TIKTOK that lives in Massachusetts. 1.5 months of no contact, I find out he flew up there to meet her, now they’re making al type of lovey videos on tik tok kissing and he seems so happy with her. I don’t understand how he moved on so fast. It hurts so bad and I want to hang on to him bc we had a great connection, but it feels pointless. Was I really not good enough to the point he’s rather date a girl 12 hrs away??? Please help
I think so..Stop thinking what was wrong you’ve said it well…Move on now my dear.
I was with my ex for almost 8 years, we have a child. He cheated on me, I tried to forgive him but, couldn’t. so, I told him I need to heal and he had to leave. He started dating someone 6 days later. The worst part, she has a daughter and he keeps ditching his. He swore he wasn’t going to date anyone, he loved me and wanted to fight for us. I feel so betrayed, again. I feel so empty, he took my future away and is ignoring his daughter.
Been in a long term 15+ year relationship and married a year. My ex fell in love with someone else (not sexually) and decided to leave. 4 months on they have met someone else and want to maintain a friendship. Said if I don’t decide on a friendship now then it’s going to be too late in the future.
I just can’t be friends until I am fully healed. If I have to forfeit the friendship for the sake of me getting over this then that’s what I will have to do.
I’m sorry man, I know how you feel, I was with my wife for 15 years, she left me 5 months ago. Now she’s dating, and she cheated on me before she left. It’s devastating. Just know that you are a good man. Worthy of someone better.
me and my ex has been together for more than 3 years. we were happy. he cheated on me once and i forgave him. then after 2 and a half years of being loyal and faithful he cheated on me again. it was just recent July 16,2020. My question is how can a guy turned his back on a girl that he just proposed to. He came back to dropped off my things he didnt want his things back. Im so hurt now he is giving me mixed signal asking if we can try again. i turned him down. What should i do
Don’t go back! He had his chance and he blew it! My advice would be, take time to heal from this, work on yourself and stay in no contact. Maybe after some time you two can talk again and see if something would be possible then, in case he changed.. but don’t focus too much on that, because it’s out of your control and having this hope only hurts.. but I think it’s also okay to still have hope. It also took me some time to let go of it and realise that my ex isn’t worth going back too. Even my hurt ego seems to have realised that now 😅 because my ego is more hurt for being hurt over someone who doesn’t even deserve my anger. So don’t be too harsh on yourself! It takes time to get through a break up.. just know you’re not alone! And we can always learn from these experiences and come out stronger!
Thank you Lily. What you’ve said was an eye opener. I did stay non contact. He texted me after 3 days of no contact asking me if I meant what I’ve said not to ever contact me. So I responded after 4 hours and told him that who would want to be unimportant and to be the last option that he will only contact me through his CONVINIENT but never answer me when the new supply is around. He said he never taken me for granted and never an option. I said really. where was he for the past 3 months that I’ve been tormented, crying, lost and begging him to come back. So I told him that he is not the man I thought he was because if he is. He would not do me wrong and discarded me as I dont matter at all. I’m still hurting until now but I’m fighting for it and trying to do my best showing him that I have moved on. Thank you doe all the support. So for everyone in this page. Please don’t loose your self respect for those kind of person. It’s not end of the world. Hang in there . Everything happened for a reason
I really need help. My 2 year relationship ended when my ex-boyfriend broke up with me 3 months ago. I really loved him and believe what we had was pure and real. The reason for our breakup was that he believed we were incompatible and couldn’t be happy with each other long term. That led to him losing his feelings for me. I was heartbroken, begged and pleaded a little initially, and then slowly stopped communicating with him. I developed my thinking, matured up, and began focusing on myself.
All this while, he (an avoidant who hardly cared about posting on social media while we were together), began posting very frequently with a mutual friend. I got scared and began wondering if something was going on between them. That mutual friend had even consoled me during the break up and played a role in our entire 2 year relationship. Eventually, after three months of breaking up and six months of not meeting, my ex and I met up. He was proud of my growth and quite astonished with my developed way of thinking. But, I also came to know that they have been dating since a month after he and I broke up. I tried my best to not react in a way I would regret, but I felt betrayed by both of them. It is unimaginable for me that he could do something like this because the person I knew and loved for two years has changed completely. He was my best friend and she was a close friend as well. The strange part is, my ex still wants me in his life as his best friend.. He isn’t able to understand how complicated this is for me. I still love him, and this situation really hurts. What should I do? Re-establish an emotional connection with him or completely cut off and see whether he even cares to miss me?
Hi I’m in a similar situation to you. Me and my ex were together for a year and then he suddenly broke up with me because he claimed that he couldn’t see a future with me (he is indian and I’m not). there were also other reasons he stated, but anyways, this was also 3 month ago and i actually just talked to him yesterday and he told me that he was dating someone new.. a girl he met while we were still together and had started a dance project with… while we were together I did perceive her as a threat but he told me he wasn’t interested in her and everything… That and everrythin, how he acted make me feel really hurt, discarded, disrespected..
So this is my conclucion to this situation: I think that he doesn’t deserve to have me in his life after what he did. He might tell me that i’m important, he wants to be there for me, he does’nt want to lose contact… but the way i see this, he is telling this mostly for himself, to make himself feel better, he isn’t actually thinking about me and my feelings, perhaps he never did, and defintely not during this break up.. I think staying in contact with him will hurt me more than help me, i will make it harder to move on and let go of any tiny misplaced traces of hope that we could get back together.
So my advice to you is don’t be in contact with him. Take as much time as you need to get through this, continue focusing on yourself and your journey. And perhaps one day you’ll be ready to have a friendship with your ex or a least be in contact.
I think it is super shameless of an ex to be so ingorant of the others feelings and be like yeah I don’t want to lose you… The ex made the decision to breakup so I think he should have a minimum of respect and stay away and not tell any confusing hope inducing things that at the end of the day they are saying mostly to make themselves feel better and not serving you at all.
My ex bf also left me for someone else. He broke up with me and after a few days hes already with the new girl. The worst part is we are working on the same company. I believe that he already planned on leaving me and he was already cheating few months before he decided to break up. When I knew that he is already in relationship with this new girl, I got angry and sabotage their relationship, I created an issue with them and humiliate both of them. I never wanted my ex back but I just want the people to know what they did to me. Until now they are still together but i dont really care now. I started the No Contact rule I blocked my ex from all sorts of communication and social media. Its just difficult for me to move on bec i see my ex everday at work. Its been 6mos already but Until now im still angry of what he did to me and still cant move on..
Last April I matched with this guy on a dating app. At first it was nothing serious for me as I was on there just to really make friends and talk to people. And it seemed impossible to get into a relationship with someone there since I was swiping from a different country. But this guy was pretty persistent and was really trying to get me to like him. And true enough, I was stupid enough to catch feelings and 2 months later we started saying I love you. Video chatting everyday and all that. But I guess the fact that we were from 2 different worlds (literally and figuratively) made it hard for us to understand each other so we would always get into arguments. There was even a point wherein he blocked me for 3 days and unblocked me and started talking to me without any explanation. And after that, things weren’t the same anymore. He started getting cold (wouldn’t reply to me for days but I would see him online all the time). And then after some time of trying to make things work, I decided to say it was over and that I was moving on. Because I also had this gut feeling that he may have found someone who can physically be with him. A week after I emailed him saying I was done and deleted him from my social media, he messages me and calls me out for doing so and tells me to have a nice life and that was it. I went no contact for a month and a half til I reached out again but he never responded only for me to find out a week later that he’s already in a relationship. My gut feeling was right all along and I can’t believe I allowed myself to be this stupid. It hurts a lot because I really liked him and we had plans, he made me believe in so many things. But sadly, this has caused me trauma and I don’t know if I’ll be able to trust anyone again any time soon…
Look honey I’m just going give you some tough love ok… two months saying I love you? Y’all aren’t even In the same country… you were more then likely talking to a narcissist who groom and use people online as fuel. Narcissist are BORED easily I know I was married to one for 11 years with two kids who was literally cheating behind my back since 2013 (she would have started earlier but I was in the military and stationed in the middle of nowhere) so after I got blown up over seas medically retired and was home more is when I started noticing all the red flags and learned about narcissism I would recommend some research into it so you can better spot them there is a global pandemic of narcissism atm and if you don’t know what to look for your going be their prey yes as in victim