My heart goes out to anyone who’s in love with their ex when their ex is dating someone else already. I know how much it hurts to see the person you love with someone else. Before you even get the chance to accept the breakup and move on, your ex is already sleeping with someone new and planning a future with him or her.
It’s like your commitment didn’t matter.
But even if it didn’t matter, don’t blame yourself for your ex’s actions. It’s not your fault your ex is dating someone else already and acting like you don’t exist.
It’s your ex’s fault because your ex doesn’t care about anyone other than himself or herself.
Dumpers often start dating again after the breakup because doing so makes it possible for them to ignore relationship issues and distracts them from reality. It gives them an opportunity to sweep problems under the rug and focus on making themselves feel good.
You need to know that anyone who does that doesn’t deserve your love, attention, and commitment. The person you were with deserves to be cut out of your life so that you can forget about your ex and be happy again.
From now on, you need to work on taking your rose-tinted glasses off and seeing your ex for the person he or she is. That’s how you’ll be able to let go of reconciliation hope and enjoy your life without your ex in it.
This post is for you if your ex is dating someone else already and it hurts.
Why is my ex dating someone else already?
If you’re in a lot of pain because your ex is dating someone else already, you’re probably wondering why on Earth your ex started dating so quickly. Why didn’t your ex take the time to reflect, learn from the breakup, and improve in ways he or she needs to improve?
You must be so flabbergasted by your ex’s actions that you wonder if you ever even knew your ex.
Thoughts like these are completely normal as people aren’t always who they present themselves to be. In relationships, they may appear nice, friendly, and loyal, but when they leave their partners, they show their exes who they really are. They show them how they treat people they fell out of love with and how selfish they can be when they feel tempted to get involved with other people.
I’d like you to know that the reason your ex is dating someone else already has nothing to do with what you were like in a relationship with your ex. People who monkey-branch into a new relationship shortly after the breakup usually do so to get the most out of their life.
They want to love and be loved by someone else and forget about the life they had with their ex-partner. I don’t know about you, but to me, anyone who moves on so quickly has very little if any care any sympathy for the ex. All he or she is thinking about is “me, me, me.”
Sometimes the reason for a “me mentality” is temptations and the inability to control those temptations—and other times, monkey-branchers think of themselves as victims and blame their exes for the way they feel. They don’t want to take responsibility, so they make their ex responsible for their actions, anger, and their lack of romantic feelings.
It’s unfortunate, but many dumpers are in a hurry to date someone else. They’re tired of their previous relationship and think they deserve love. That’s why they usually get together with the first person who shows interest in them. The new person makes them limerent and forces them to go through the stages of a new relationship.
To dumpers who just broke up with an ex, the only thing that matters is how exciting their new relationship feels. Everything else doesn’t matter as they can figure it out later when or if their relationship gets serious.
You mustn’t keep an eye on your ex while your ex is in the love phase because it will destroy you emotionally, make you obsessed with your ex, and waste your precious post-breakup time. You should instead invest in yourself and try to stay as busy as you can.
With that said, here’s why your ex is dating someone else already.
These are the main reasons why your ex is dating already. Since it’s so easy to find a new person to date these days, people get involved with someone new rather quickly.
Instead of reflecting on their mistakes and improving themselves, they get together with someone they barely know and see if it’s possible to make the relationship work.
Your ex isn’t rushing just because he or she is afraid of being alone. Your ex is probably used to being in a relationship because relationships provide your ex with relationship benefits and make him or her feel validated, respected, loved, and emotionally/sexually fulfilled.
But unfortunately, most relationships make couples feel good and special until couples get out of the infatuation phase and start encountering disagreements and problems. That’s when they learn to work together or break up.
Initially, people enter into relationships to feel accepted, validated, and fulfilled.
But when they get comfortable around each other, they stop putting such an importance on those particular emotions and want:
- security
- longevity
- understanding
- support
- comfort
- peace
My ex is dating someone else already and it hurts
If your ex is dating someone else already and it hurts badly, I suggest that you protect yourself by distancing yourself from your ex. The easiest way you can do that is by following the indefinite no contact rule. This rule will prevent you from finding out unnecessary information about your ex and his or her new partner and slowly return your sense of self-worth.
It won’t happen overnight, but the longer you stay in no contact the more and quicker you’ll recover. You won’t have to overload your brain with questions such as whether your ex is happy in his or her new relationship and if your ex will ever come back.
What your ex does when you go no contact doesn’t concern you anymore.
All that matters in no contact is your well-being. Your ex doesn’t care much about you, so you need to fall in love with yourself. When you do, your pain will decrease and your ex’s value in your eyes will soon follow suit. That’s when you’ll take your ex off the pedestal and understand that thinking about your ex is a big waste of time.
Not only is it unnecessary, but it’s also making it harder for you to detach and find your happiness. And “hard” is not something you need. The breakup is already plenty difficult. You now need to become emotionally independent so you can once again worry about things that actually matter.
Here are 8 tips you can follow today that will guarantee the smoothest recovery when you’re hurting because your ex is dating someone else already.
Keeping tabs on your ex serves no purpose. It only depresses you, makes you blame yourself, keeps your hope alive, and prevents you from moving on. And so does keeping your ex’s gifts.
So if your ex is dating someone else already and it hurts like hell, take my words of advice seriously. Start no contact with your ex right now. You have nothing to lose by cutting your ex out of your life. Only things to gain.
The sooner you decide to stand up for yourself and prioritize healing, the more your ex will respect you and the more you’ll respect yourself.
Your self-esteem has probably dived, so this is a good time to rebuild it.
What can you do when your ex is dating someone else?
If your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend started seeing someone else right away or soon after the breakup, the best thing you can do is to do nothing.
Doing nothing cultivates the best possible results because it gives your ex a chance to be free. Freedom will make your ex see your strength and allow your ex to respect you for your ability to handle breakups maturely.
So do your best not to:
- get revenge on your ex
- seek closure
- talk to your ex or about your ex
- show you’re hurt and in denial
- message your ex’s new partner
Trying to win your ex over with words and insecure actions is only going to push your ex toward his or her new partner and hurt you more.
That’s because neediness and insecurities could make your ex:
- laugh at you
- get a huge ego boost
- lose respect for you
- block you
- show your texts to his or her friends
It’s much better for your ex and safer for you to follow the rules of no contact and wait for your ex to make the first move. Your ex dumped you, so no matter what the circumstances are, your ex must be the one to come to you.
Your ex must find reasons to communicate with you and decide to take things further with you.
Competing with your ex’s new boyfriend/girlfriend
First of all, your ex doesn’t want you to fight for him or her. Your ex wants space because space will let your ex give his or her new relationship a chance to blossom.
You probably don’t want that to happen, but right now, you don’t have a choice. Interfering with your ex’s relationship is going to make you look really bad. It’s going to make your ex perceive you even worse than he or she already does and complicate things for both of you.
So if you want the best for yourself as well as your ex, let your ex date his or her new partner. Let your ex be free while you work on improving yourself and rebuilding your happiness and self-esteem.
The new person could be of more use to you than you think. The new man or woman could make your ex realize that you were a better romantic partner and cause your ex to rebound badly. That could force your ex to come running back and apologize for leaving.
Until that happens, though, you need to keep your composure and focus on loving yourself.
Here are some tips to remember when your ex starts dating someone else.
In the relationship with your ex, you showed who you were and what you were capable of. Now it’s the new person’s turn to impress your ex and try to have a relationship with your ex.
You’re probably thinking, “But I wasn’t my best self when I was with my ex. I neglected my ex and took my ex for granted.“
Dear reader, nobody’s perfect. Not you, your ex, or your ex’s new partner. Everybody makes mistakes—and so will your ex’s new partner. It’s just a matter of time because people are flawed by nature.
When relationships are new, we give it our best and appear to be perfect. But when things get old and emotions of excitement subside, we take each other for granted at times and sometimes even get the grass is greener syndrome.
That’s when we show how willing we are to maintain our romantic relationship.
I’m telling you this so you don’t put yourself down for the mistakes you’ve made throughout the relationship. Now that you’re no longer with the person you love, you must give your ex space and work on things that need work. You may not be able to fix the past and the way your ex felt about your words and actions, but you can make sure that you do things differently in the future.
Your ex’s new girlfriend or boyfriend will have to go through all the relationship stages. And when he or she does, the grass is greener syndrome could kick in, causing them to experience issues.
Here are 3 simple things GIGS needs to develop.
So when your ex detaches from you and starts dating someone else, keep in mind that your ex will expect this new person to be better than you. Your ex will want to have what you had, just without the disagreements or certain problems.
And your ex might get that. The real problem is that your ex will have to face different issues and find ways to resolve those issues. If he or she can’t, your ex will fail badly and see that the problem was with him/her and not you.
That’s something that could take a lot of time, so don’t wait for your ex to have an epiphany. If your ex’s new relationship is a rebound, it could take months for him or her to get through the 6 stages of a rebound relationship.
Here are those stages.
- Infatuation
- Honeymoon
- Reality and conflicts
- Nostalgia and comparisons
- Regret and disappointment
- Reconnection or abandonment
So if your ex is dating someone else already and it hurts, keep in mind that this new person could be the road back to your heart—even if you messed up badly.
But for that to happen, your ex must fail, get hurt, and discover your worth on his or her own.
It hurts so much! My ex doesn’t care about me at all!
If you think that your ex doesn’t care, you’re probably right. If your ex cared, he or she wouldn’t have left and started dating someone else. Your ex would have stayed by your side and helped you get over the breakup.
Dumpers who care about their exes offer sympathy and support. They show that despite breaking up, they value their ex as a human being and that they don’t want their ex to suffer.
Your ex didn’t do that. Your ex happily jumped into a relationship with someone else and showed you how little you meant to him or her.
That tells you that your ex is not very special at all. He or she isn’t someone you should be crying over and hoping to get back with. Your heart probably tells you that your ex is worth the wait, but that’s only because you’re hurt. Once you stop hurting and regain your composure, you’re going to wonder what you were thinking when you wanted to be with your ex even though your ex was with someone else.
Always remember that anyone who starts dating someone else does so because he or she doesn’t want to be with you anymore/again. It doesn’t matter if your ex told you things like, “It’s just a break, It’s not serious, I feel like we’ll get back together in the future.”
Promises after the breakup are empty. They carry no weight and assurance that the dumper will come back and actually want to be with you. So try not to hold on to hope too much. Hope is your worst enemy after the breakup as it’s keeping you in the past while your ex is dating someone else, focusing on the present and future.
A person who cares about you and wants to be with you will show you care today, not tomorrow or a week from now. He or she will do what you need to heal and not what’s best for him or her to save face and avoid guilt.
So if your ex isn’t helping you, help yourself. Sign up for therapy, confide in your family, ask your friends for help, and stay busy. The things you do after the breakup will determine how long it takes to get over the breakup and what you learn from it.
The real reason why exes come back
When dumpers break up with dumpees, they have no intention of ever coming back. To them, the breakup is final, absolute, certain, definite, and done. They’ve decided not to stay with their exes and that they must focus on their own happiness.
And that’s what they do.
Of course, this doesn’t mean that they never go back on their word. Sometimes they try to enjoy their lives but fail. They run into problems and learn that their ex was better than they’d thought. As a result, they contact their ex and find out what their ex is up to.
If their ex still longing for them, they feel that their ex can’t help them with whatever they’re going through and find someone else to date. But if their ex appears to be doing well and doesn’t need them back, they become curious about their ex and want to know more.
They want to know what’s keeping their ex busy and giving their ex strength while they’re miserable. That’s why they try to get back with their ex.
So for your ex to come back, your ex will most likely need to suffer in his or her new relationship. Your ex will need to compare you to the new person and see that you were a decent partner. That’s when your ex will start to doubt his or her new relationship and actions and wonder if you’ll take him or her back.
You need to remain strong and in control of your life so that if you still want to be with your ex when your ex wants you back, you can control the flow of the new relationship and tell your ex to work on things he or she badly needs to work on.
Let your ex come to you!
If you’re still thinking to yourself, “My ex is dating someone else already and it hurts,” your first and only priority should be to heal and get your ex out of your mind.
I know it’s hard to let your ex go, but you need to start accepting the breakup and moving on. The only way your ex will want to be with you again is if you exude strength and let your ex come to you. Any other method will likely annoy your ex and make your ex even more hesitant about being with you.
So don’t beg and plead, apologize or do anything that won’t impress your ex.
If you make post-breakup mistakes, you’ll ruin the way your ex sees you and make reconciliation very difficult. You’ll basically show you’re not on the same page with your ex and that you’re not worthy of being in a relationship with your ex.
Even if you don’t want your ex back anymore, you should still stay away from your ex. Follow no contact so that you can work on yourself and become the person you want to be.
Is your ex dating someone else already and it hurts? What are you doing to cope with anxiety? Let us know by commenting below.
And if you’d like to talk to us about your ex’s new relationship and the pain it’s giving you, visit our coaching page for more information.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
Hi
This post really helped me answer my questions. Thanks
There is one question which it left unanswered. I and my ex had a fight about why I wasnt giving her enough time which was very unusual as we never ever fought. So, I tried to change myself. Within 2 weeks she told me that she is done with me and wants to consider dating someone else. She already had a guy in her mind. I know this because 2 days later she told me that xyz has asked her out and she is going to say yes to him. It did hurt but my ex said that even if she is dating the new guy I still matter to her and I am very important for her. She cant let go of me. She wants me to be her bestfriend which was very absurd to me because we were never really friends at first. Also, she does text me once a day asking me how I am. I have told her that I am insecure and I am having difficulty in moving on. But she didnt budge she really wants to date this guy whom she has known for just a month (she is dating him already!) So, my question is is there any point in staying in contact with her? Thank you!
Was she ‘done with you’ because she still felt you weren’t giving her time? She may just be looking for an excuse. You don’t deserve to be treated like that, like she’s already considered someone else over you so quickly with the fact she had a guy in mind.
From my experience, when he moved on very soon from me too, that hurt a-lot. I questioned so much and I felt I didn’t deserve that.
If you’re feeling wary about the situation, you should voice that with her and let her know how you’re feeling so that you don’t get hurt by the connection you have built as you move on. If you don’t think you can see her solely as a friend, it would only hurt to carry on.
Thank you for replying.
I just talked to her yesterday. It felt good but I kept thinking that whatever we shared together she is now sharing it with someone else. She is quite happy with her bf as well. She kept asking me to stay friends with her. But honestly, there is no such thing as staying friends with your ex. Its just stupid. She’ll prolly stay friends until she manages to get an emotional connect with her current bf and then I’ll be tossed like a stone again. So, its better to not indulge in a friendship with your ex. Thats what I think
Again, thank you for replying! Means a lot!
Hello!
I met a guy online and we were talking wonderfully for a year, he asked me if I saw a future with him and I said as much as the thought of him in my future was lovely, because of our religious and cultural differences and being long distance, I wouldn’t know how. I’m Muslim, and he a Christian.
I wanted us to talk more about it but straight after this he ceased all contact with me, no reply or response for 3 months.. I messaged him occasionally to check up on him and say how worried I was about him. He messaged me in February so casually telling me he respected my decision… I felt I didn’t make one, and that he moved on with his life and is now in a relationship… I told him my it took a toll on my heart and sent a lot of deep thoughts in the message, he hasn’t responded to date. It hurts so much.
He said he knew it was a heavy question to ask about our future and knew how I always had my guard up, but I really was trying for him. He knew about our religion and cultural differences since the few months in and that was something we were talking about positively. I had to bring it up again if he was serious as he said he was. Ghosting is cruel like that and I put some blame myself for a while in the thought that I had hurt him.
I can’t help the comparing bit and I can’t help but see that his new girlfriend is twice the woman I could ever be and a good person in the community and I was never that special to begin with. She’s a keeper.
It still hurts, so much. I can’t move on from him as easily as he did from me.
You story is sad but hey, wait, just stop comparing yourself with other women. From your pov I get it and tbh you are not the one at fault. Ghosting isnt apprecaited at all. Plus, you are a diff woman than who he is dating rn. He wanted to have a future with you but because he didnt get a clear response he settled for someone else. You might be thinking that the woman he is dating is better than you but then only the guy can tell you the answer. Anyway, there is no point in even knowing the answer as there isnt anything that is going to happen b/w you both. I’m pretty sure your feelings are genuine and you dont deserve to be treated like this. Take care and dont worry life is full of miracles amd this guy that you met online isnt he the perfect example for it? 😉 Cheers.
P.S: can you also help me with my problem! haha! My comment is right above yours. Thanks
Thanks for responding, I appreciate it.
The ghosting really hurt. Was he justified to cut me out like that? I know it’s been so long but I still think about him mostly and don’t want to impose on him when he has moved on. I built such a strong emotional bond with him, it hurt when it was broken and I feel like he probably blames me for it.
P.S. sure I just responded, all the best.
Yes, i totally understand your concern. I was in the same position and my ex told me that she blamed me for it. :’D yesterday night we talked about it. She realised that she misunderstood things and apologised yet, she wasnt ready to get back in a relationship w me. So, my point is, it is probably not your fault and there is no point in confronting him to tell you your mistake because you know it that you loved him enough. You dont need your ex for reassurance and personally the farther we stays from our exs the better and happier it is for us! Its time to move on happily. Take care! 🙂
This part of the article (It hurts so much. My ex doesn’t care about me at all!) hit the nail square on the head.
I met my ex when i was 39 and he was 49. He was still with his now ex wife of 28 years of marriage and 2 kids.
Their marriage was on the skidds several years before we met and we started dating secretly and of course she didn’t know about me.
After a month or so of dating I told him basically its her or me, that he couldn’t keep doing things this way. He left her and moved in with me.
We were together for 5 and a half years. The last 2 years was a slow break down of arguments, blame, misunderstandings, lack of communication, lack of intimacy, complacency, suspicions…
I went away to another country to visit my family and friends. He became furious over a petty misunderstanding while I was away and he wouldn’t speak to me for 3 weeks despite me asking for us to talk so that I could explain my side of the story.
The day I came back and I tried to talk to him, he violently screamed and ranted his head off that we were finished, he didnt want to be with me anymore, accused me of being secretive (????), wanted me to leave and a bunch of other nonsensical screaming and ranting, he threw stuff, broke stuff, slammed doors, tried to push me out of the room by grabbing my arm…
I gave up. I figured we would talk again when he was calm… He never said a word after that. Like it didn’t happen and I didn’t try because I didn’t want it to become an argument.
The following week, I went away on holiday with a friend for a couple of weeks to give him some space and left him a letter asking him to talk to me when I return, to let me have an opportunity to explain this silly misunderstanding and to talk about us amicably if we were going to make it work or split up. I didn’t hear from him.
When I returned he told me that he had just met someone shortly after I left for holiday and was already sleeping with her.
He also said that he was in his right to do so since we broke up. Shouting, screaming, ranting, doing and saying horrible things, pushing someone… is not what I call a fair and amicable break up.
It takes 2 to make or break a relationship. He said he hadnt ever done anything wrong to me and like everything in our relationship gone wrong, I am blamed for making him angry and breaking up with me in the manner that he did.
I told him he couldnt stay in the flat if he is going to continue seeing someone else. It wasnt fair to me and the new woman from what he said didnt really like him staying in the flat with me either.
Since the flat we lived in was both ours, I couldn’t throw him out and he didn’t want to leave right away and took 2 months to find another place. He even started an argument with me as to why I wouldn’t let him sleep with me in our bed despite the fact he was seeing someone else!
To make it worse… he would deliberately tell me he was going out for the night to see her OR he would deliberately lie about where he was going. And when I would confront him about why he even needs to lie, he would say its not my business what he does.
Exactly….which is why I couldn’t understand why he tell me anything or lie in the first place. Its as if he deliberately wants to make it my business. And yet he would still tell me how much this break up has hurt him and he is sorry it ended and he can’t help it if he just happened to meet someone a week after the split who is wanting to give him attention.
He has treated me the way he treated and left his ex wife as he has jumped from one woman to the next, to the next without a thought of concern for how he left things or how deeply this hurt me. And for all I know he was probably involving himself with this woman in some way before his classless, selfish departure. That’s my karma being served to me probably.
Sadly these ass clown types of borderline narcissists will always find ways to be the hero and the victim and to justify and blame others for their actions and decisions and will never learn…
He said he still loved me and always will and wanted to stay in touch. I told him to go #^*@ himself….
looking good out here
Ok Anonymous…. sit down, pour yourself a drink or cup of tea…. this one might hurt but someone has to have the guts to tell you this. Tough titties. You helped a cheating spouse cheat… so karma is a bitch “lady” and you now know why his wife was ready to show him the door. Even if his marriage was on the skids…it wasn’t for you to help push it off the edge. That should have been your first warning right there… that he was “leaving her for you!” What a joke. Most men don’t have the balls to leave their wives and kids w/o another woman giving them the ultimatum you gave him… “her or me”. But they do leave… out of panic and infatuation with the affair partner, sex addiction, the novelty of new pussy and because he was using you to be the “bad guy” to give him the push to leave he’d never give himself. Oh…and of course… were sucking his d–k. Men will do practically anything for a blow job. Hope you are laughing… I sure am! There’s not a lot of time for this for we wives running the house, working our own jobs and raising his kids. Yes, I was the wife! I can laugh now but I have NO pity or empathy for you because out of your own selfish, narcissistic needs you helped end a marriage that probably – yes – would have ended anyway but it wasn’t your place to help that process. Take a good look in the mirror before you see yourself as solely a victim here. The only true victims were his wife who experienced his infidelity w/your help and full participation and their children especially. We all make our own realities sweetheart. What did you think you were getting with a cheating spouse and what made you think you were so “special” that he wouldn’t do the same to you… cheat on your sometime? He did and/or would have continued to if you hadn’t ended! When you help end/break up a marriage but looking to only have your own needs and itches scratched… this kind of stuff happens. You wanted a cheater..you got him and him too! You two sound like match made infidelity hell and you both got what you deserved. When you are a grown ass woman and act like a greedy child… fate and time take care of teaching you the lesson you needed to learn. PS: Hope you used condoms..you probably didn’t. Get STD testing cause every woman help slept with when he was with – you’ve now slept with too and HPV is transmitted thru male sex partners from women! Oooppps. PSS: Grow up!
The no contact rule will almost certainly help in situations like this, that’s coming from someone who didn’t take that advice. My ex and I broke up quite a number of years ago, it was genuinely on good terms since it was going to end up turning into a long distance relationship probably for the next few years (UK/US), we did attempt the long distance thing for a bit but in the end I think we both wanted more of a connection closer to each other and it was impossible for one of us to move to the other country at the time.
We’ve always stayed in touch and we’ve both been in other relationships throughout the last 10 years or so, when she got married it was still a sad moment for me but it was fine after the initial wave of it. Her marriage ended last year and I was sorry to see her being on her own again, even after all this time my feelings for her have never completely gone away so when she recently told me she’d met someone else I can’t say I didn’t feel that wave of sadness turn up again.
I honestly still appreciate the friendship we have but unfortunately in situations of keeping in contact you’ll probably never truly get over what could have been and the sadness of the other person being in a relationship with someone that isn’t you. I imagine it’s slightly easier in cases of more toxic relationships to think back to the bad moments of why you broke up in the first place but in our case, sure we had arguments, but the vast majority of the relationship was good, our lives and work just never really allowed it to happen the first time and more recently when we were both single again timing just didn’t work out. I know people would say if it was meant to be we’d have made it happen which probably has some merit to it but that has always been easier said than done.
I don’t think I’ll ever completely stop talking to her, we’ve both been through enough over the years to accept our current friendship the way it is but I think we both alternate between being jealous of each others relationships and being content with it when we’re both in a good place. It’s certainly not something I’d encourage people to do, it’s definitely not healthy despite the appreciation of the friendship we still have.
Zan,
I feel like my story is unique but statistically I know it isn’t. Anyway, when I met my lady she had a boyfriend and I didn’t make any moves on her rather than befriending her. Soon after though, he broke up with her and not long after she let her feelings for me be known. She said she wasn’t ready for a relationship for obvious reasons and didn’t want me to be a rebound. We had a great 4 months but in that time, something happened in my personal life outside of her that sort of wrecked me. Soon after, I made a mistake and that was the end. She said she needed space and when i was prepared to give it, she changed her mind and told me to never contact her again. I still see her on campus and she sees me but we don’t speak and now she’s already walking and hugging some other guy. It hasn’t even been a full month yet. Is it possible, she’ll come around?
Hi Zan,
Thanks for a wonderful article and an insight for heartbroken people like me.
Me and my ex were together for over 3 years. We worked at same office and belongedto different cultures. He is a Muslim and I’m a Hindu. But inspite of that we had a great time together and bonding too. Never had any fights too due to cultural differences. I was deeply in love with him and he too.
In Oct 2018 when his parents fixed up a proposal for him he broke up with me saying he can’t go against his family wishes. Though he loved me he didn’t mention about me to his parents and got engaged with the girl of their choice.
Post engagement to he kept in touch with me for around 7 months since he was not allowed to talk his fiancee. I too was hoping that we would get back together. But after 7 months he started talking to his fiancee but told me that he still loved me.
When his marraige date got fixed i limited contact with him since there was no action from his end towards we getting together. He got married last month and Im not happy with what has happened.
Though Im in a better state butnot completely over him.
Can my case be said that my ex left me for somebody else ? I wonder today if he ever loved me ? We were together for almost 3.5 years ? How could he just get married… Please advice on this Zan
Hi Im going through a very hard break up at the moment my boyfriend and I had been dating for about 9 months we fell in love instantly he was perfect our relationship had it’s lows like any other but we managed to get over them I initiated the break up I had to work on me but we remained friends we were doing great everything seemed perfect as friends we decided to give it another try but it felt different we again remained friends. 2 months after the break up we decided to be just sex partners nothing more and we would talk to each other like if we were still together. 2 weeks ago we had sex we expressed our feelings we were both feeling the same we wanted to give things another try about a week ago he told me he was in love with me I told him how I felt and that my feelings for him were still there. A week after we told each other we were in love with one another and saying we were going to be giving it another try he had found a new girlfriend. It all happened too fast and he immediately started to post her on social media. I’m in love with him I cry so so much I don’t contact him because he is in a relationship but I want to get back together with him. Any tips??
I really enjoy what you guys have here save the weird comments. Unfortunately, I’m in the same situation, maybe worse. There was this girl I met in my first semester in school five years ago, at the end of 2015. She was always with me, we spent time together, read together, did almost everything together. Anytime she leaves for holidays at the end of every semester, we were always in a fight or another. There are these arguments that don’t really have any base. We would keep at it until she returns from her holidays. I can’t say anything for her, I can only speak for myself. I sacrificed quite a lot. We use a grade point systems in schools around here. I literally helped her improve academically. I spent all my energy on her. Fast-forward two years, she decided to get close to a guy’s mom. Somehow, she got involved with the guy who was in a different school from ours. She kept on being “friends” with the guy and broke up with me a month before. She gave the trying to fix herself speech several times. My guts told me something was wrong but there was no way I could know. Each time I confronted her, she always told me there was nothing between them which at that time was technically not a since they were “friends”. It hurts to know that she stopped caring. It is the second year of our break up, I’m still not over her. Matter of fact, I find it hard to date someone else. We always fight even after the split. She somehow can’t stay do too long without me and I cannot either. Yet, there are no signs she’s gonna come back. Sometimes I don’t want her back, other times, I just madly want her back. I have tried everything – spontaneity, gentleness, anger and so on – literally everything but nothing works. We had another row yesterday. Before we finally broke up, we broke up over a billion times. What’s funny is we still broke up many times after. I obviously can’t move on. I have tried the no contact. Never worked. The last time I tried that, she blocked my path to apologize! But that didn’t stop all the behavior and all else. I need some help concerning this.
Hi there, great insight!
My situation is a bit complicated 🙂 I guess everyone says that.
I’ve never written anything like this but it has helped me to get my thoughts together.
Anyway, being seeing this girl – at 46 and after two marriages – you’d think that I would never fall madly in love with someone but it happened.
After 10 months of spending all our free time together, doing stuff etc it came to an end – the mitigating circumstances I’ll come to a bit later. BTW, spending all our free time together was mistake number one – I’m aware of that.
We spent some time apart and got back together for a bit, then split apart – again, mitigating circumstances will come a bit later.
Then we started spending time and sleeping with each other but not back together as she said she didn’t want to get back with me again. Mitigating circumstances will come later.
Now before everyone thinks we’re insane, let me just go ahead and say it myself, we’re both insane 🙂
Did I mention that she’s also the best hands down sexual partner I’ve ever had?
OK, so we might have a very strong contender for the top spot of why I would like to have her back in my life but it’s not the only one.
Yesterday, we had a talk about how we need to stop sleeping with each other as she has went out on dates with some guys and now she has found someone whom she fancies – and who however doesn’t live in the country, he occasionally comes over for a period of time and then goes back. She told me she likes him but loves me to death, she just isn’t in love with me, again due to the mitigating circumstances.
Now for the mitigating circumstances.
Two months before I met her, I had lost my parents and due to being the eldest son, I had to deal with a variety of things which didn’t give me time to properly grieve. This was in June and we met in September. Come Christmas time, their lack of presence around the holiday period was felt and finally grief hit me which took me on a rollercoaster of moods and emotions. She didn’t know me very well and was scared by what she saw especially the mood swings.
I was cranky and bitter mostly, which ended in me not being very good company.
Also, as a result of her fiery nature, things got blown way out of proportion and things that could’ve been resolved easily ended up being full blown arguments etc.
She said that had we had more history together, maybe we could have found a solution.
There are a lot of similar scenarios with which I won’t bore you. In my opinion, the things which she claims to be the destructive ones which ruined her love for me were minor with the exception of two, both of which I’m not particularly proud of. On our first breakup, I was hung up about something and I sent her a nasty text. Similarly when we broke up the second time, I sent her a stream of emails which weren’t polite, lets just say that. It’s funny, deep down I knew that wasn’t the right thing to do but I did it anyway. It’s as if the need to do it had taken total control over me.
And there you have it, reading what I wrote certainly makes me think that this has been a very twisted ride down some repressed issues we both have and brought them to the surface .
BTW, I’m crazy about her, she has pushed me to wake up from the grieving much faster than if I had done it by myself, she’s like a breath of fresh air with her views and the way that she takes on life. We both love spending time with each other, do stuff together.
There are three questions I have:
Was she an infatuation only and I confused that with love? I’d like to say no but time will tell I guess.
Is it worth doing the no contact and trying to get her back?
Am I in some kind of midlife crisis?
If this was a normal situation, there wouldn’t even be a second thought. Since I feel responsible for some of the breakup, I feel I should do something about it for my own peace of mind.
Any ideas, suggestions, criticisms, feel free to throw them at me.
Just a quick update, it’s funny how the universe works sometimes. After I wrote this, I got a text from her to go to her place and have tea which I thought was a civilised thing to do. Once there, she must have been or gotten into a bad mood, started hurling hurtful comments at me to which I got up and left with her slamming the door several times behind me.
Anyhooo, that opened my eyes to what I really have to do which is to focus on my shit and forget about her. Never easy but has to be done.
Hi Deboy, am in a similar situatiom, 44yo falling for a seemingly creative fun smart yet troubled 25 yo who had a very dark past. We shared everything, the sex was out of this world, she told. me she loved me more than life itself but was always inconsistent and goes rogue, always every meet up has to be her schedule and mine got cancelled (in retrospect, got played lol) , till she got a new job which I think she is proud of it and I suddenly became but a distant memory.
Went into no contact and wanted the pain to go away and apparently had enough.. . but sneak in from time to time sometimes to her social media accounts (were humam) and found a pic and times suggesting she had a sexual romp that night… Something she shared doing a lot (never judged her past was past) before we met and us falling in love/infatuated/pussy whipped lol
I posted a new status update kinda sharing anonymously i know what you did last summer.. and after blocking me on ig stories for a moment (where I was able to patch up the stories together), she finally posts a photo of her at the scene of the meet up place where she left clues probably to her sex partner that night that she was at this silly irish pub waiting. She was a smart gal, and she knew i figured it out… and posted on all her social media channels her pre romp photo with the caption,… the finest feeling 🎉
I honestly was moving on to a better place, we had something special, but some people just have to act on a whim, when we were together, I saw how she mistreated another young dude crazy about her, frantically calling me and her after our sexual romp.. She was an amazing player.
Its this stupid behavior, selfishness and millenials wired for instant gratification which gets us attracted, the lure of the macbre, the excitement of danger,… its a carnival till one falls off the horse..
I really dont know what comes after, i had too much free time on my hands, ill just keep busy, just needed to get this out of my chest, and just saw a similar experience, funny how we try to find answers and land on a forum (all of us probanbly first timers), the hurt is real.. but f#ck it, lets move on 😂
Hey Papa,
My ex is 38 so not a youngster per se. After my update to the post, I made every mistake in the book. We have been hanging out, spending time together, sleeping together etc. We even went on a date on valentines which was amazing as we had a great time, laughed, joked, innuendos flying everywhere.
After that, she asked me to not hang out anymore and told me that she wanted to be on her own. Instead of going NC, I sent her messages and contacting her as I felt very confused.
Anyhoooo, long story short, she blocked me from her phone and messaging apps. It was her birthday yesterday so I sent her an email just wishing her well. I hope to have the strength to maintain the NC from now on.
I’m not even sure why I did what I did, reacting this way. It’s not as if we have been together that long.
C’est la vie.
My husband of 3 years (together for 6) decided that he loved me but wasn’t in love with me. Out of the blue, no warning. We had a fantastic relationship, knew each other inside out and I never thought he would ever hurt me. He moved out in November and a few weeks later told me he was seeing someone else and it was serious. I was devastated as i thought our separation was temporary. He was step dad to my son and I’m stepmom to his girls whom I still see. I’m trying to move on but the pain is unbearable as I still
Love him even though he’s hurt me so much. He says he wants me to forgive him, not divorce him and be his friend. Very confused right now.
My ex and I broke up right before Christmas of 2019. We’ve been together for 3 and a half years, lived together so you can imagine all the memories we’ve collected and shared together. It was the worst holiday season ever. I was left alone, I had plans only to spend the holidays with him and was completely left alone. I’ve managed to see my family, but they were not able to fill that enormous hole I felt in me. Things aren’t that great now either, when I’m just about to believe I’m over the crying phase I think of him and burst out crying. The most confusing about our break up is that I didn’t see it coming. I felt everything went well, we had plans together for 2020 and I didn’t even think about something is not right. Turns out my ex was faking it for months. We had a wonderful holiday in Greece in September and I believed both of us were the happiest ever. Turns out he already started to lose his feelings towards me but pretended for my sake. Then he fell out of love and there was no way back. I wish he would let me know immediately so we could work on it but he didn’t (perhaps never even planned). It’s been 4 weeks now and it is still devastating to think about how ugly this break up was. I made a mistake of even begging for him not to leave me. I got so attached to him it’s unbelievable. I really thought I’ve found my soulmate. We haven’t managed to move out from our apartment yet, but he was “kind enough” to leave me be and crashes temporarily on a friend’s couch. Unfortunately I’m only able to move at the end of January (as I wouldn’t be able to pay rent alone I have to move, and also all the memories attached to the place would just kill me). But the other day he came around and asked how I’m doing and I told him I miss him. His reaction was: I don’t know what to say to that. I’ve never felt so humiliated and asked myself who has he become? Who is this cold person who does not even feel empathy for his partner of 3 and a half years? The thing is I still dream about him in weird situations. In one of my recent dreams I saw him having sex with someone else and enjoying it, and today I’ve dreamed about asking him if there was a third person involved all along and wouldn’t respond.(In real life he said there was no-one). So my recent dream brought me to this blog and my eyes fill up with tears by reading the comments and I feel everyone’s pain as my own. On the other hand it’s good to see how others are in a really similar situation so I don’t feel completely alone. I honestly don’t know how much time will I need to get over this, but right now even focusing on myself is a challenge. I’m looking forward to heal, for the new year, but his absence is unbearable sometimes. I’m still in the belief that somehow he changes his mind and comes back to me but I honestly don’t know how would I react.
Keep your chin up my partner of 20 yrs left me 6 months ago, im still living in the family home and its hard but morgaged so dont know what to do. So many memories in this house… ig hurts
Wishing you well
I’ve had similar break up experience with you this Christmas. I can relate so much to your story. You’re not alone. Cut off contact immediately and try to focus on yourself. I’m in the fourth week too. Stay strong. Many hugs X
My ex broke up with me after 10 months due to ”lack of physical attraction” and small arguments. I messed up after break up. Day we had our last argument she met a guy. They became official relationship after 3 days.. Now they are together 2 and half a month. When i contacted her and asked to hangout for a friendly coffe, she said that she will think about it. After a week she refused to catch up saying that it is not a good idea to catch up now.I have done more or less everything to work on myself and move on, but i still miss her so damn much. I don’t know if I should forget about her…
Dam man, coffee invitation when u know she is sleeping with someone else? Please don’t do that man, it looks so weak in her eyes. And also man, if she would come back what respect u think she would have for u?
Reading this I completely feel your pain, you’re in the exact same situation as me apart from my 3 year relationship ended a week after New Years. I still dream almost everyday about him, most of the time it is about him with other women, it is so painful. And the way he ended it, it was like a different person took over him, it was awful. I really hope you recover quick.
I recommend reading this amazing post by Elizabeth Gilbert, it has really helped me through the pain:
https://www.facebook.com/GilbertLiz/posts/dear-ones-because-i-have-shared-details-of-my-private-life-with-you-all-so-intim/1054602967955151/
My ex broke up with me 1 month and half ago. The weekend before the breakup he told me that we should move to a new apartment. Yes, he was faking like your ex. I left the apartment that we lived together at the same day and three days later I got all my things and moved out. I asked him a few times if he was sure about his decision and he told me that I didn’t understand (of course, BS). I haven’t talked to him since them and I am not planning to talk to him anytime soon. Yes, it was hard not text him but instead I did text my friends. My friends helped me a lot at this time. I had the same hope that he would change his mind and come back. And now just to make things worse or better (for me, of course), I think he is seeing a girl that he always told me about her (yes, I know he did not have any respect for me before and after the breakup). I think, I already read all the articles and watched all the videos available online from “how to get your ex back” to “how to get over a breakup FAST” (this pain is unbearable sometimes) – I guess all of us did that, right? As difficult as it is to accept, when somebody left us we need to let them go and never look back (easy to say hard to do). If they left you, me, or anybody that is reading this post, they are the one that lost us and not the other way around. And they don’t deserve one second of our time (even though we will suffer and spend a lot of time thinking about them). You can still have hope that he will come back someday but don’t wait, as hard as it is in now just go live your life. And the day he comes back begging you can say “Thank you so much, my life is much better and I am happier without you!”
My ex broke up with me about 2 weeks ago and we were together for 6 years (from 18-24). She told me she had lost feelings for about a year and tried to change how she felt but couldn’t, and then she cheated on me with a guy she met about a month ago. Since then she moved out as we were living together. She seems to think he is perfect for her and is definitely very infatuated. Initially she was sending me mixed messages, saying she didn’t know what she wanted or who, saying she wanted to go away, find herself, date around and then eventually date me and give us another try (she said this more than once on separate days). We were giving each other space and not talking constantly, but she invited me to spend Xmas day with her, and we hugged and shared a kiss, to which she said it made her feel confused being around me. I continued to give her space and we didn’t talk until she text me on the 5th telling me that she had moved on, she didn’t want to lead me on and that she didn’t want to be with me (now or in the future), that she didn’t see a future with me and that she’d thought about it over the past couple of days and decided we weren’t going to work romantically but kept asking to be my friend. In the text she finished it by saying how she won’t forget the memories we had together and she hopes I find somebody that is my everything and makes me happy. She said that in the matter of a few days she decided she no longer wanted to date around and be young and single, she wanted to get into a relationship with this new guy despite saying previous she wasn’t ready for that. She said it wasn’t to do with me, it was ‘what she wants out of life’, which she said she doesn’t know when I asked her. It’s all very confusing. The text seemed pretty clear but she seems to be changing her mind within a matter of a few days, one minute wanting to give it a go and the next being dead set on never dating me again. I feel like my head has been spun around in confusion. She has mostly been cold and emotionless with me since the break up, the only time she showed me any emotion is when I told her (in a conversation she wanted to have just after she broke up) how I felt about her, how much I loved her etc. in which she cried and said that’s all she has wanted to hear for the past year. I’m so confused. The text was pretty clear, but how can somebody decide that in a matter of a few days when she was telling me before that she wanted to date me? This new guy will be her 2nd proper relationship as I was her first and we spoke about a long future together, maybe she is enjoying the newness of it as she said he provided her with the attention and romance I stopped providing her while I was grieving for my Mother. The text has crushed me and I can’t stop thinking about this not being a rebound, that this is something serious with the new guy as she seems to have mentally been out of the relationship for a year already. Of course I still have hope than in the future she might change her mind again, but until then I am trying to work on myself and work through it.
My ex broke up with me 4 months ago and we were still texting each other, we had broken up before and had reconciled so I was expecting us to get together this time as well, however he ignored me suddenly one day to tell me that he is talking to someone else, I was shattered and tried to keep my distance but called him up after 6 days and he said he met her already and would be dating her soon. We were together for 3 years.
He then told me that he forced himself to get back to me the earlier time we broke up. I feel so bad.im shattered. I didn’t speak to him after that.
Similar to my story it is 26 yrmears long broke up after 15 years (alcohol involved) apart for 2 years he had a bad relationship with the new person he found straight away (alcohol still jnvolved) he came back and said things like I always lived you… sex was non consultant (alcohol growing more and more) now it’s 7 years later still be alcohol involvement he decided to say he wants t o separate.
Meanwhile through these years I new he was intending on doing if not already doing something behind my back.
This has now come to light I saw him text a young Asian girl asking her to marry him as now he is getting divorced.
This hurts as we are still after a couple if days broken up living in the same house.
His alcohol infused sports are hurting more and more each day.
I have 2 children that can see I’m hurting and one that doesn’t really care.
I’m holding it all together though and reading this above will only strengthen me more.
I guess I’ve always done check ups on him and I think I’ve driven myself a little crazy.
I don’t need him I never have I have always held this family together so I will hold myself together for the new journey in my life.
Thank you for this. My ex had begged for me back and when I told him he needed to work on himself, he started dating a girl immediately. Overnight he found his soulmate and future wife and rubbed it in on social media. It broke me. I’ve probably done every single wrong thing to ruin my chance completely. He seems happy on social media, but I honestly just want to leave the memory behind and move on. It was too painful and degrading for me. It sounds bad, but I hope he suffers as much as I did, so that he can learn self-respect and the proper way to treat others.
I’m so glad I stumbled across your blog tonight. You’ve got some great insight and suggestions for coping. My ex wanted to remain friends, even flirty friends, and he’s already dating someone else. Yes, it’s a slap in the face since a reason he gave about taking a break was because he needed to fix himself. He said he knew he wasn’t in the right mind for a relationship and wouldn’t be until he figured out why he had so much anger inside him about nearly everything. Of course, he used the “who knows if we’ll get back together or not…if we’re meant to be we will be” bread crumb to try to keep me in his back pocket. Like I said, he still flirted with me and made his sexual innuendoes towards me. He also always asked me if I had been “intimate” (a more explicit word was used, though) with another man. I had no interest because I was healing yet he assumed I had “the D” lined up around the block waiting to board the mothership. I feel he was just projecting onto me.
He offered to give me a ride to the airport last week and I made the mistake of having one last fling with him after we both agreed it would be purely for physical satisfaction (well, at least HE was satisfied). Fast forward 10 minutes and he keeps having me reassure him this would be kept “between you, me, and the bedpost.” That’s when I told him to just be honest with me why he’s so paranoid that anyone else would find out what we did. He finally admitted that he liked this new woman and insinuated he didn’t want to ruin things with her by her finding out we had one last fling. He spent more time worrying about whether I was going to run to her and rat him out, ultimately ruining it for him. I told him I didn’t need to do anything because he’d end up screwing it all up on his own. I was hurt because I had been surviving on crumbs in hopes that manna would just fall from Heaven if I was patient enough.
That was a difficult ride to the airport. He tried to act like a valiant gentleman by saying I deserved better than what he had to offer; he took blame for our destruction.I just said, “whatever makes you feel better about your selfish decision..what happened to you saying you’re not in the right mind to be with anyone? Did I miss the miracle bestowed upon you that immediately healed your internal self-doubt and anger?” When we got to the airport, I got out of the truck as quickly as possible to grab my suitcase from the back. He kept asking me to let him help me and I simply informed him he had done enough already. That’s when I wished him best of luck and turned towards the terminal. The whole time he was calling out my name and begging me to turn around and listen/talk to him. I never looked back which was the hardest thing I’ve had to do. Of course I was ugly crying all the way to the plane because I couldn’t understand how he could move on so quickly to someone new. Oh, did I mention that people tell me new woman looks like a crack wh*re? Their words, not mine. It only adds insult to injury. Needless to say, I’ve been doing the no contact since then and he’s not even tried to contact me at all. I’m wondering if he will ever try to contact me, especially since he said it would kill him if we stopped talking completely. It doesn’t seem to be bothering him too much since he’s enjoying his new interest so much. I’m just ready for time to do its job and help heal my wounds. He moved on and I’d love to do the same.
Thanks again for your blog! You’ve definitely got a new subscriber.
Hi Jennifer.
Thank you for sharing your story with us.
Your ex tried to act dignified, but as you know it was anything but that.
He basically cheated on you with the other girl and lost attraction for you.
That’s where the “I need to fix myself” for falling for someone else comes from.
He blatantly blamed himself for feeling attracted to another person and essentially tried to obtain your forgiveness – validation for misconduct.
Appearing like a bad person definitely wasn’t good for his conscience.
And that’s why “you deserve better.” His mindset just wasn’t strong enough to stay loyal to you.
Best regards,
Zan
Zan,
Thank you for your reply. I actually just saw this. I’m still having a rough recovery. After I posted my comment, he continued to try and get me to “be” with him which I declined each time. He would tell me he still loved me and wanted me to be in his life. I told him I just couldn’t do that right now. It took everything in me to not send all of his advances to his new “supply” but I ultimately knew she wouldn’t believe it, even with black and white evidence staring in her face.
After endless research in desperation to find a path to healing, I have discovered that he was indeed a narcissist who had been using me. It was when I started to confront him about these selfish ways he had been displaying that he started to get a little distant and paranoid. I believe that is when he started looking for his new supply. The research brought so much light onto everything for me. I realized he love-bombed me from the beginning and I ignored the first red flag I experienced when he told me he loved me within two weeks of dating. I didn’t reciprocate the sentiment because I was no where near there after such a short amount of time. I experienced the gas lighting, him using me and leaving me in financial struggle, him asking me to participate in a lifestyle I am not interested in or wanting, and ultimately losing my job. The raging anger and fights after he knew he had me suckered into his world have left deep scars. So, why am I still so upset and hurting about it all? I know it’s trauma-bonding at its finest, but I just want to stop beating myself up for allowing him to affect me. I’m in a downward spiral where I am losing control while he has already proclaimed his love for her a mere few weeks after we broke up. People say he’s going to do the same to her once she picks up on his real traits and his true colors come to light. I just wish he would have to deal with retribution, but I don’t think that will ever happen.
My ex out of the blue left me 5 weeks ago. I’ve just recently found out he’s seeing someone new. I’m mortified and devastated!! We were together for 2 and a half years. Lived together and he played a part in my sons life. The pain is over whelming and his ability to move straight on has shocked me and it’s made me feel so disposable. He’s been so cold I feel like I don’t know who he is. How do I make the pain stop?? I honestly can’t bare this anymore! 😫
Hi Victoria.
The only way to make the pain stop is to distance yourself from your ex and prioritize your well-being.
The time away from your ex will allow you to heal and get over him.
Be strong!
Zan
I literally just had this precise thing happen to me. My ex and I were together for 4/12 years, we lived together, she was like a step mother to my kids. Then she broke up with me start of November, moved out three weeks later, and just tonight when she called to talk to the kids, I talked to her for a minute, I asked if she was seeing anyone, and she said she was dating – and I know the guy, a co-worker. I’m so incredibly hurt, angry – you name it. I’m an absolute mess right now.
Here it is 4 in the morning and my heart is still aching I reach for her she’s not there and I don’t know what to do I’m crying everyday I feel so angry all the love and care I gave her I would buy her books randomly because I know she loved them I would run her baths with candles wine and rub her feet I would massage her after work randomly do the dishes take out the trash do anything to make sure she’s happy…..I don’t know how to get over this we’re almost two weeks broken up And she’s with someone from work I’m so angry and hurt I miss her mom I miss her dad her grandparents her niece everyone loved me and I loved them and I want her to burn for this how do I get over this I can’t stop thinking about it I’m obsessed
same man, same. I messed up my relationship with my ex, but I he still lives with me. Try that one. Rubs in my face how hes talking to other girls and has already met them and how shes so much better than me. hurts like no other. and his family just makes everything worse for us. I hope you get over your heartache, everyone deserves happiness.
Just let her be… Its the hardest thing in the world but focus on you just now and get your own life in order…. Take it from me whos been in a relationship for 8 years and going through the same as you just now. Just take time for you and work on yourself
Hi Eric.
You can stop and you will.
But you have to start taking care of your own needs first. Seek therapy if you help too and spend lots of time with your friends and family. They are the ones who truly matter right now, so don’t keep hoping she’ll come back.
Work on letting her go and improving your emotional well-being and you’ll never have to suffer this much again.
Stay strong!
Zan
Hello,
My ex and I broke up after about a year and a half long relationship in which we both were in love. We did so much together, travelled together, met each other’s parents and friends, and spent a lot of time together. I helped launch his career and was supportive, introducing him to one of my influencer friends. I began asking a lot of questions about the future, such as where he sees himself in five years, what is he trying to build his career for, whether he wants a family, etc. I thought these were totally normal questions, to which he never could respond to at the time. I ended up breaking up with him because of this lack of reassurance, but it seemed he was ready for the relationship to end. He didn’t fight to get back with me because he didn’t want his lack of knowledge about his future to continue making me unsure. I reached out a few times because I still loved and missed him with no success. Within four months, he started dating someone and is now with this girl after I think a month of dating. I believe she is about six to seven years younger than us. It feels like he jumped into something so quickly, even though we had a rather serious relationship and it took much less time for him to become official with this person. I blocked everything and made sure not to keep looking at any of his stuff. I’m having trouble moving on, not thinking or talking about him, and not comparing myself to his new girlfriend. My self-esteem has taken a plunge. Do you have any more tips to move on completely?
Hi Kiki.
I strongly suggest that you practice positive self-esteem affirmations. Say them out loud as many times as you can, and you’ll sooner than later believe what you’re saying. Just don’t forget to put positive emotions into them.
Kind regards,
Zan
Thank you, Zan.
My ex and i broke up almost 11months after i cheated on her but it was a mistake on my part i had since apologise but she vowed never to come back recently she told me she has forgiven me but she is not coming back but as it stands she is already seeing someone else and just seldomly calls me at will when i try calling back she does not pick or rather pick at will. I am proceeding on an indefinete no contact as she is bragging i am the one that does not want to let go. Even though i love her so much what should i do?
let go
We all say let go, but you and I both know that sometimes you don’t want to let go. I say the next time she calls pick up, but sound indifferent as if she’s someone you have no history with. In the middle of the convo, smash a plate loudly on the ground or shoot a gun n say what the hell and hang up abruptly. If she tries to call back or text, don’t contact her for 3 days at least. Her curiosity over you and your well being will peaaaak. It has to
Good article. My ex and I took “a break” about two months ago. No contact during that time. I texted her to see if she wanted to get together and she responded that she is seeing someone. I wished her well and that’s it. She has a milestone life event coming up and I thought I’d drop her a note just to acknowledge this. Should I even do that or no contact at all? Thanks.
Hi Will.
I suggest you stay in no contact and preserve your value.
She’s with someone else right now, so it’s pointless for you to reach out, risk reopening your wound, and pushing her away.
Best,
Zan
Hi! My ex brokeup with me 11months back. We dated on and off for 2 years before getting into a relationship for almost 3 years. We’re each other’s first and towards th last fee months we fought alot. The relationship ended really badly and i even begged him back. He started talking to a 5 years old younger girl 2weeks after the break up and he blocked me since then till now. He is also in a 2month relationship with the girl. I tried so hard to forget him but i cant and it has been affecting me so much on daily basis. I still love him so much. We created so much memories together that i couldnt let go. I often dream of him too. I miss him so much but he seems to be happy now. They dont post photos of each other but only posting gifts that they constantly buy for one another. What should i do? I dontknow how he can move on so fast despite im the first girl he ever loved in his life.
Hi Iznimyat.
It was easy for him to leave because he broke up with you when he no longer felt attracted to you.
He also didn’t get his heart broken the way you did, so he’s not hurting like you are.
All you can do right now is to work on getting over him and bettering your emotional well-being.
Prioritize yourself and you’ll find happiness without him.
Best,
Zan
hello i need help
Dear zan , readers
I need ur advice
I met a guy 9 month ago , he lived in another country.. so it was a long distance.. we had so deep emotional connection , we felt in love so deeply even when i saw him .. we had a very huge connection.. he accepted me , i have a skin condition called vitiligo.. its a very sensitive topic for me , but he accepted and said that he dnt care .. its was magical a true love story we have plans for future , he saw me as the one .. of course we had problems a lot of arguments.. specially that, he lost he’s job and didn’t have any plan .. and i had so luch problems so .. it was always doubts .. negativity.. less hope .. so i took a break for 3 days .. i didnt tell him anything.. aftr the 3 days i called him and i told him that our love is important to me .. but he took a decision that he want to break up .. i begged him to stay .. after one month i decided to travel to the country where he lived but he refused to see me !!! I dnt know why he did that , why he had this reaction !!! I was shocked he also blocked me on social media … it feels so bad , very hurtful but i still have hope , i am still hopping i dnt know what to do