The first week after the breakup is the worst because you can’t eat or sleep and do anything that requires you to think and move.
Negative emotions from the separation anxiety can often be so painful it feels like the breakup is going to kill you.
It’s truly one of the worst things a person can experience in life, so I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.
When you’re going through something as life-shattering as a separation, know that it’s completely “normal” to feel half-dead.
In all honesty, not being able to eat or sleep after a breakup is just the beginning of the difficulties dumpees are forced to go through.
Other symptoms dumpees can initially encounter are:
- anxiety and physical pain
- diarrhea
- loss of short-term memory
- severe shock and depression
- vomiting
- lack of energy and concentration
- blurry vision
- heart palpitations
- and much, much more
If you can’t sleep after a breakup and you feel as if the world’s come crashing down around you, this article is here to give you some hope and clarity.
I can’t eat or sleep after a breakup
Scientists say that relationships are like powerful drugs. When we abruptly stop taking them, we go cold turkey and experience their withdrawals in whichever way our body and mind react to them.
That’s why getting over a breakup is partly about beating addiction. It’s about detoxing from our drug-like attachment and substituting it with our own self-made happiness.
And unfortunately, that’s something that doesn’t happen overnight.
Depending on how hooked you are on your ex, it can take you months to get over him or her.
As a dumpee, you aren’t only dealing with addiction.
You’re also suffering from the loss of a romantic partner (similar to the death of a family member).
The only difference is that the pain from the end of a romantic relationship usually lasts much longer and is much more intense.
And to make things even worse, you’re also forced to go through a personal rejection which completely shatters your self-esteem and disorientates your purpose in life.
So to reiterate, breakups feel like they will kill you because:
- They have a drug-like effect on your brains.
- You’re suffering from the loss of a partner, stability, and future.
- You’re undergoing a personal rejection.
These three components combined are making eating and sleeping after a breakup so difficult.
They especially interfere with us when we are in the first stage of a breakup for the dumpee – which is right after the breakup.
During this stage, our brains become overwhelmed with shock and confusionāso we consequently fail to understand why and how the breakup occurred.
As a result of perplexing thoughts and emotions, we immediately enter a stage of high hope also known as denial.
Since we refuse to accept the breakup, we put high hopes (which is essentially our happiness) on our ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend and absolutely expect him or her to come back.
But because our ex doesn’t come back, our hoping doesn’t stop there.
As a matter of fact, it makes us long our ex even more.
Our self-made denial only prolongs our shock, pain, and sufferingāso it naturally makes us dependable and feeble.
So if you can’t eat or sleep after a breakup, avoid false-hope and empty promises.
30-day no contact rule will set you back
A good example of the previous statement is the 30-day no contact rule.
Whenever you pin your hopes on getting back together with your ex by a certain date, you are setting yourself up for a huge disappointment.
Although you will likely be able to eat and sleep by the time you get to the 30th day of no contact, you should never attempt to try your chances with your emotionally-detached ex.
He or she won’t magically run back to you when you message your ex with something completely “unobvious.”
Your ex will instead continue doing what he or she has been doing since the breakup.
And depending on your luck, your ex might even ignore you or block you.
And that will probably set you back to being unable to eat and sleep after your expectations don’t manifest.
So whatever you do, don’t contact your ex before your ex reaches out first.
I can’t eat and haven’t slept in days after the breakup
Before I get into detail, trust me that you’re going to be okay.
When I was going through my first breakup, I remember I ate about half a slice of bread in three days.
My appetite was completely gone, but my stomach, on the other hand, was growling for calories.
I just couldn’t eat no matter how much I wanted to.
When I forced myself to take a bite, a wave of nausea engulfed me so I needed to stop trying.
But even if I miraculously managed to consume my meal, I would have vomited it all up anyway.
That’s how I knew I had to battle through grief and wait long enough for my body to adjust.
It wasn’t easy at all, but I had to persevere. What other choice did I have?
During the day, I was working with my client and at night, I was supposed to sleep and recuperate.
But did I?
I don’t remember getting a minute of sleep after the first two or three days. The most I could do was keep my eyes shut and hope that I could get at least ten minutes of rest.
I was so desperate to be able to eat and sleep after a breakup that I took a pill or two of Diazepam which is essentially a brain and a muscle-relaxant.
Needless to say, it didn’t work.
Nothing did at that time so all I could do was wait for the power of no contact to kick in and naturally heal me from the breakup shock.
About 4 or 5 days after the separation, I was starting to feel much better though. I didn’t feel great, but much better nonetheless.
My appetite was returning and I could sleep a bit better as well. I could slowly feel my strength coming back and my memory getting sharper.
I think lost about 4 or 5kgs of weight in the upcoming painful stages of no contact but quickly regained them in the following month/s.
So if you’re going through something similarly painful after your breakup, you now know that most breakups are tough beyond rational comprehension.
They take time and strength to heal from.
But if I managed to do it along with millions of dumpees all across the world, you can too!
You just have to want to.
What do I do if it’s been a week and I still can’t sleep?
I think that most people struggling with a breakup should seek as much professional help as they require.
This means they should consult a doctor about their stressful predicament and do what their doctor thinks is best for them.
If prescription-based drugs are advised, then consider taking antidepressants until you are able to better cope with your situation.
But under no circumstances should you take unprescribed pills like I did.
You don’t know what kind of effect they could have on your body and mindāso don’t risk it.
There’s a right and a wrong way to deal with your pain.
You can pretend you know best and drown yourself in drugs and alcohol, or you can listen to someone who knows what’s best for you.
I suggest you learn from my mistakes and go with the latter option.
What do I do if I can’t eat because I’m in pain from the breakup?
If you’re in pain because of the breakup and you’re on an involuntary diet, consult a physician.
Talk to him or her about your drastic weight loss and learn how you can start eating again after a breakup.
After he or she has prescribed you with medication, advised you to exercise, or told you to get incredibly busy for a while, sign up for therapy as well.
Get your ex out of your system by talking to a mental health therapist about your unexpressed emotions.
Instead of talking to your ex about your feelings, share your thoughts, intentions, and ideas with someone who cares.
Don’t be afraid or ashamed to get counseling after the departure of your partner.
You don’t need to suffer alone when there’s plenty of help available at your disposal.
When will I be able to eat and sleep again after the breakup?
Everybody’s different so it’s difficult to say when exactly you will be able to eat, sleep, and function properly again.
Most people feel much better after 7 days whereas others need much longer than that.
In general, basic human functions such as eating, sleeping, thinking return relatively quickly.
As for pain and anxiety, they could linger for much longer. We’re probably looking at at least a month or two of depression, followed by average anxiety for another couple of months.
And after that, you will presumably face mild anxiety and occasional setbacks that take up to 3 days to get back on track from.
Breakups are no joking matter. They can cause a lot of long-term damage to the dumpee.
This is especially true if the dumper treats the dumpee poorly and forces him or her to self-analyze to the point of obsession.
Chasing after your ex will hurt you
I know you’re hurt and extremely shocked after your dreams have collapsed.
I also know that you saw a future with your ex and thought that he or she was “the one.”
But mark my words that you will only make things worse when you run after your ex and expect him or her to mend your broken heart.
You will push your ex to treat you like you don’t exist and hurt you even more. Unwittingly, you will start a cycle of pain and suffering that you no longer have any control over.
That’s when the real pain will start, followed by your self-made ex-back obsession.
So instead of demanding attention from your ex, start healing and recovering from your breakup.
Understand that as long as you’re asking your ex for help, he or she is the last person that can help you.
It’s not just a saying that your ex is the last person who can help you. He or she actually is!
Your ex is not in love with you anymore hence why your ex can’t help you to feel loved.
The only way to recuperate from the breakup is to distance yourself and protect your broken heart.
Curl up in a ball if you want to. Just don’t contact your ex ever again or you will be sorry.
Take it as a warning from me as I have nothing to gain by warning you.
You, on the other hand, have everything to gain including self-love, self-esteem, and overall happiness.
So give yourself that which you are worthy of and steer clear of your ex at all costs.
No calling, begging, or annoying your ex after the breakup.
Prioritize yourself so that you can once again function as an independent human being.
I want my ex back even though I’m in pain
Even though you can’t eat or sleep after a breakup, you may still be eager to get back with your dumper ex. And that’s perfectly understandable.
But when you’re trying to sacrifice your own health and well-being for the person you love, that’s when things don’t make sense anymore.
My understanding is that you want to get back together with your ex because your ex has the ability to make you happy.
If that’s true, then how come you don’t realize that your ex isn’t making you happy right now by dumping you?
All the damage and pain you’ve caused to your ex throughout your relationship with him or her, your ex multiplied by leaving you.
It’s especially true if your ex dropped you over text and possibly even got together with someone else right away.
That’s why you need to realize that you’re basically clinging on to the person your ex was when you first met him or her.
Moreover, your fairytale-like perfect partner doesn’t exist anymore.
Perhaps your ex did in the past and that’s why your nostalgia is deceiving you right now.
It’s making you want your ex back for who he or she wasārather than is.
So take a moment to discern who your ex really is and stay true to the indefinite no contact rule.
If you respect this rule, one of the following will happen.
- Your ex will eventually return.
- You will move on, learn from your mistakes, and meet someone you deserve.
Can’t eat or sleep after a breakup? How did your breakup make you feel? Comment below this article.
My fiancĆ© just didnāt come home from work last week. Heās still contacting me saying not to completely end things and talks with me about our relationship but then disappears and doesnāt answer me for a day or two. Iām so broken he convinced me to quit my job last year to take care of the home. He secluded me from friends and family. Now that heās gone I have no one. Iām suffering with severe anxiety I canāt eat I canāt sleep itās already been 8 days and I start getting chest pains when he ignores me. Iām so broken I donāt know what to do. I try not to message or call him but once the evening gets here I have to hear from him. I donāt know how to begin to heal.Iāve already lost 6 lbs and Iām very petite I donāt have any extra weight to lose. I need help.
Hi Jessica.
I’m sorry your ex has caused you so much suffering. What you need to do is cut him off completely. When a person develops doubts, it’s unlikely that he’ll resolve them in the near future. Doubts tend to get worse over time.
If I were you, I’d stop trusting what he says and look at his actions.
Best regards,
Zan
My girlfriend of 2 years left me, itās only been 2 days and Iām in the worst pain Iāve ever felt in my life. I canāt eat, sleep or do anything. I have no will to do anything anymore. Iām completely broke . I wake up multiple times in the middle of the night looking over to hope itās all a dream and I see her sleeping next to me.. we built a little life together, for a house and dog. She left me and my dog out of no where because she said she wants a open relationship and I donāt, she said thereās nothing I can do for her to come back, she said she still loves me and will always love me, she said its not because I donāt love her enough or because I donāt show her attention.. she said multiple times it has nothing to do with me. But I canāt wrap my head around her leaving 2 years worth of memories, a house and our dog out of the blue just because she wants to experiment with other people and have a open relationship, Iām torn, I donāt see this pain ever stopping. And Iām worried about my dog too.. she has separation anxiety and is already missing my ex. Please I need help.
I know how you feel. The first month is extremely hard, not gonna lie to you, and you’ll have good days when you feel better and bad days. Try to treat yourself like you’re sick. Rest a lot, do things that you know can help you relax, drink water, and be there with your dog. I know It’s easier said than donne but you really have to try and be strong for yourself. Right now you are your only anchor. If you have friends or family to talk, reach out for them.
When you start feeling a little bit better, make a list of things you have to do, and do it one by one, so you can put your life back on track.. in my case it took a while, but everyday i tried and remind myself, that the pain will eventually be less present, and it will, but takes time.
And i know you love her, and right now you can’t imagine your life without her, but one day you will feel better. I’m gonna tell you my story. I once had a relationship with a guy who wanted an open relationship, and for sometime i thought i could handle that, but i just couldn’t..It’s too much to handle, and in the end, i got my heart broken because i was with the wrong person for me.. we didn’t share the same opinions in some subjects, and i was always trying to fit into something that was completely toxic for me. i’m not into those relationships, and for me, when there’s emotions involved it gets tricky. Open relationships make sense when there is sex involved, because you want to have freedom of being with more than one person. It’s a grey area and when you’re with someone who wants that, you have to talk a lot and share you thoughts and feelings. Not everyone has that need to be with other people, and that’s totally OK. And she is right, it has NOTHING to do with you, it has to do with her. And you don’t deserve being with someone who doesn’t share the same feelings, believe me..
The best advice i can give, because i once was in your place, desperate and lost, is to live a moment at a time.. be gentle with yourself. You deserve to be loved and to be with someone who wants the same has you, and right now you have to be there for you. Hope i helped š
Thank you so much, for saying those kind words. Iām sorry about your relationship and I hope youāre doing well now. Iām going to try to move on step by step day by day for my dog. Thank you Maria.
Hi Parker.
Don’t blame yourself for getting dumped. You need to understand that she didn’t have the right relationship mentality. For some reason, she craved a relationship with someone else. It’s possible that she cheated or developed feelings for someone else. You need to look after yourself now. Start by cutting her out of your life.
Kind regards,
Zan
My husband left without saying goodbye after 12 long hard years. He was mean and abusive most of the time, but I was/am addicted, just like you said. I have been texting and calling him almost constantly. I know he left me for another woman.
I can’t stop crying, I have almost every symptom on your list. Our four surviving children are having a hard time too. My 10 year old is puking from anxiety! We had no clue this was coming.
I can’t eat or sleep. I wish I had found this information more quickly, but I know everything in this article is accurate and going to help us. Thank you for taking the time to share. I buried my own daughter about 5 years ago and I loved her so much; but I can honestly say, this hurts just as much or more!
I plan to get really busy, that’s all I can think to do. My children deserve at least one strong parent. God bless you all and heal your hurt. Amen
Hi Angela.
I’m sorry to hear you were left for another woman. I know it’s hard and that it seems like the world is ending, but you have to be strong for your children. Your children look up to you and rely on you. You have to be there for them during this difficult time. Assure them that things aren’t perfect right now but that everything is going to be okay.
I suggest that you give your husband some space now as calling him isn’t going to help. It’s going to push him further away.
Stay strong, Angela!
Sincerely,
Zan
In my case, i’m really having a hard time trying to sleep, the worst part, we love each other very much. he just explode one day saying he couldn’t give me what i deserve, because he doens’t trust himself, he’s having a hard time in life, dealing with personal traumas and family issues, i guess he just wants to heal from his past, it’s all very confusing for me, we connected so fast, and it was just so easy to be with him. At the end of our talk, he says he doesn’t want to lose me, and he doesn’t know if he’s making a mistake by giving up on me. i hate this, how can i move on if he says he loves me but can’t be with me right now? so i’m going to do the 30 day no contact, maybe i will feel better, maybe not, but i’m trying. thank you for posting this
Hi Sara,
I see you posted in January so I hope you feel better now. I am currently going though something I assume to be similar (everything was flowing naturally, but I guess my traumas triggered his traumas and as I was willing to work on it, he just gave up. The whole situation has been confusing. My ex came back to me and things started to flow again very naturally, only for him to tell me that he is now seeing someone else, that it’s not serious but we shouldn’t see each other anymore for now.
Anyway, it’s all pretty fresh for me so I’d like to know how you’re feeling after 7 months ! Wish you all the best š
Itās nice to know Iām not overreacting to my heartbreak. I recently found out my partner of 5 years cheated on me and even though he told me he was still madly in love with me I had to end it for my own sanity. Unfortunately this means we are both suffering (not excusing his behaviour but I know he is having a hard time) and both have an underlying desire to still be together due to withdrawal. To make matters worse we have to live together (in seperate rooms) for another month due to financial implications so I feel like I canāt begin to heal or find any closure. This is the hardest experience Iāve ever faced and I havenāt eaten a meal or slept more than 3 hours a night in a week. I am trying my best and I hope I can commit to my own happiness once I can finally cut off contact. I just need the strength to stick to my decision to end it.
Its been a week and a half since he broke up with me. in my mid 20s, We were together for 4 and a half years and he just dropped me on the dime. Him n i were literally the fairy tale ending of a story…he treated me like an absolute queen!
He broke up with me because of my attitude, my ocd attacks i call them. I would snap at him for the most stupidest things, and know im doing it…n i didnt fix it. But one day when he told me he doesnt know how much longer he had to keep up with my attitude, it scared me. So i decided to write him a letter telling him how much he means to me and apologizing and giving him a plan of action i was going to follow. The next 2 days I didnt lash out at all n i was so pleased with myself, but I didnt see a change in his depressed emotion towards me. The next day he comes over in person n breaks up with me. After not having enough time to show him ive changed, I lost my mind. Im currently trying to deal with the loss of 4 n a half years of memories that haunt me in my sleep and when im awake. 24/7 I feel like crap…i lost almost 10lbs. and im only getting a couple hours of sleep. I cant go anywhere without thinking about him. every place ever reminds me of him. I feel for those who are going through this like I am. Im so sorry. :'(
That must be an awful situation that you are going through. Do you feel Better now?
Iām a man here and Iāve lost atleast 10 lbs after the breakup within a month . We were together for almost 7 years and she just told me she wanted to go find herself mind you we have 3 children and she is in her 30s . It hit me out of nowhere I have my days when I feel like Iām getting better then a setback I just donāt wanna give up but I genuinely know the reality of it as well.
Hi, thank you for writing this. At least it makes me feel like I am not alone with the pain and emotions I am feeling. It describes everything I am going through at the present.
my partner of 18 years has just left me after a few months of being (as he says) unhappy and wants to find happiness and feel himself again. He wanted space and I didnāt give it to him I was trying to fight through and keep us together, wrong thing I know now. Now he is saying he doesnāt love me any more and has moved in with his friend. He is also saying that the door is closed on restarting the relationship but isnāt locked and to let things happen naturally. What does that even mean?
He said he wants space and I didnāt give it to him because Iām trying my hardest to show him that I love him and that i can make him happy but he said he just wants to be happy again and that he used to be very happy in the beginning of our relationship but I apparently āchangedā and he misses the old me but wonāt give me a chance to show him that the I havenāt changed. He invited me over yesterday and we acted exactly like a couple we held hands, kissed and I thought he was going to change his mind since he made a move and was the reason we where acting like we where together but sadly his mind was still unclear he doesnāt know if he wants to get back with me or if itās better to stay broken up he said heād tell me by next Friday what he wants rather that be a relationship or an official break up and so Iām anxious to know what his choice will be that I canāt eat or sleep i feel nauseous and canāt believe this is happening it came out of nowhere and I donāt know how to deal with any of this.
Iām going thru the same thing with my ex
Dear Zan,
this article is actually describing myself, its being a long time over 7 months since he split with me but we kept talking making our going to the movies mall etc, but all in a sudden things changed as soon as we enter 2020, he stop texting me caring and i had asked him about it he told me he is dating a girl for over 2 weeks, I was devastated because i didn’t see this one coming.
since Jan 2020 i cannot sleep or eat and do not want to go out and see people passing by, because I just break down and cry.
I feel like am dying I had lost 10 pounds in just a month and half. am going to do what you said on this article I have to tell you I miss him like crazy.
thanks for reading my comment.
best wishes
Nicole
This is exactly how I feel. Iām down about 15 lbs. in two months. I am forcing myself to eat an avocado or some bread once a day. I seriously donāt know how to cope. Iām extremely tired but canāt sleep. My muscle tone is all gone, my skin looks disgustingly dehydrated- itās just bad.
Iāve been married at one point in my life (5 yrs) and felt NOTHING like this when it was over. Donāt know how to stimulate my appetite. Itās been down for over two months!!!!! HELP
Dear Zan,
At first i want to thank you for your article, it describe how i feel, my ex have a new girl in his life even thou we both still in love.
I dont sleep or eat and Ć feel so down it has been a long time since we separated but we was still in touch we was still making out going to the moves eating together, going to the mall.
this new years 2020 he stop texting caring and out of the blue he just told me that he is dating someone else i had ask him since when his reply was 2 weeks ago, its being a month and a half since i cannot sleep or eat i had lost 10 pounds and am not happy anymore.
i just dont understand how if he still in love with me he could just move on. its a long story, maybe one day i will tell it to you.
Thank you for reading my comment.
Regards,
Nicole
Zan, thank you for writing your blog. I’m commenting on this article, yet I’ve read at least 1/4 of the articles on your website, and many several times over.
You’ve saved me several weeks/months of my life where I would have worried more, by showing me a better way to think and act; and it all makes perfect sense with how you guide through an idea; it’s like having a conversation. Keeping busy and doing things to help those around me, and myself, has given me a lot of happiness.
I’ve come here every night for a few days now when I’m feeling quizzical or unsure about something, and your articles set me straight. The links within articles to other articles really help keep my thought train going, to a logical and an emotional completion… even if it’s 30 tabs later. Your icon at the top of every blog makes me smile.
Thank you, I appreciate you, from the absolute bottom of my heart.
Hi Anon.
Thank you very much for your kind words. I’m glad the blog has helped you find a peace of mind after your breakup.
This is the time for you to learn and improve as much as you can, so make use of this predicament and turn it into an opportunity.
You’ll probably only get one or two chances like this in your life.
Kind regards,
Zan
This is a terrific look at the āpost-breakup syndrome,ā and it describes what I went through to a T. I had been dating a woman seriously for 5+ years, then was coldly and insensitively dumped last summer (with little warning or buildup). In the 3 weeks that followed, I lost 12 pounds; I couldnāt eat, sleep or focus on anything except her and the breakup. I was close to being a virtual zombie. But, as Zan writes, the aftereffects started wearing off slowly as the weeks clicked by. And roughly three months later, Iām now feeling much better about myself and the end of the relationship. I still backslide into sadness/anger from time to time, but am now almost whole. I can even see the weight loss I experienced as a good thing now. Iāve worked hard to keep some of it off, and have a new outlook on where I am. Bottom line: I know it seems like youāll feel like crap forever (it did for me), but if you follow the advice Zan lays out in his other articles, you WILL pull through this. Keep the faith and stay in No Contact.
I lost 20 pounds in about 5 or 6 weeks following the break up. But now 5 months later I am eating more or less normally .My sleep is still a bit interrupted. But I write a journal every day and make sure I congratulate myself on being NC for 5 months and counting.I realise I am not over it but NC has helped me avoid further upset. Hang on in there .
Thanks for the empowering comment, John.
I’m glad you’re feeling much better after 3 months. Keep fighting, you’re almost there!
Best,
Zan
Thank you
Thank you for this. After 2 years in a abusive and toxic relationship, I begged him to come back to me cause I rather take the pain of him hurting me over being broke up.. and exactly what you said he didn’t care.. so I’m going to do the 30 day no contact.. I really can’t eat or sleep at all and about to go into some counseling. Thank you