Why Does My Ex-girlfriend Still Want To Sleep With Me?

If your ex-girlfriend still wants to sleep with you, it’s obvious she still finds you attractive. She may not want to be with you (if she’s the dumper), but she does miss the sexual benefits of the relationship and wants to make herself feel sexually fulfilled.

She basically wants to be friends with benefits so she can avoid investing in you romantically and get what she can from you sexually.

Most dumpers don’t want to be friends with benefits. Because they detach from their ex and associate negative perceptions with their ex, they usually can’t stand being anywhere near their ex. They can’t even look their ex in the eyes and speak to their ex respectfully, let alone sleep with their ex and act like everything’s fine.

Due to resentment, anger, fears, and other post-breakup nuisances, they just want to be left alone and sleep with people they don’t think poorly of. Dumpers want to start anew and meet some new people. By doing so, they can feel validated and take their mind off their ex.

Those who sleep with their ex are usually sexually aroused and have no other people to do the deed with. The only person who drools over them is their ex, which is why they use their ex for selfish gain and make their ex want them even more.

Sex increases broken-hearted dumpees’ cravings to be with their ex because it gives them the attention and satisfaction they crave (releases happy hormones) and makes them more emotionally dependent on their ex for validation.

The closer they feel to their ex, the stronger their desire to be loved and feel secure.

So if your ex-girlfriend dumped you and wants to sleep with you, there may be a few reasons behind her actions. The most obvious reason is that she doesn’t resent you for how you’d made her feel throughout the relationship.

She doesn’t think so badly of you that she just wants to ignore you and block you. She wants you to stay in her life to some degree as a sexual partner.

This may be due to guilt as consolation or because she has no one (better) to fulfill her sexually.

If she’s a highly sexual person, she probably has unmet sexual needs and wants sex without romantic commitment. She will want this until she’s found someone new she can be with sexually and/or romantically.

Don’t think you’re so special to her that she’s considering being with you.

If her feelings are gone, they won’t return just because of sex.

Sex could merely be the incentive she needs to redevelop feelings when life gives her lemons and makes her crave validation and safety. That means something will have to go majorly wrong in her life before she can consider being more than a sexual friend. 

Something (or most likely someone) will have to hurt and disappoint her and force her to see that she had a good life with you.

Until that happens, remember that sleeping with your ex-girlfriend is a bad idea. It may feel validating, but validation without a relationship is harmful to you. It makes you want your ex more and forces you to think, dream, and obsess over her.

That’s not something you need right now (or ever). When you get dumped, your options are very black or white. You either connect with your ex emotionally or you disconnect from her. You can’t have something in between that gives you false hope and drains you mentally.

Now that you’re the dumpee, you need to assess the situation and determine your ex’s intentions. Figure out what your ex wants—and then you can decide what’s best for you.

If you’re completely detached and have no one else to sleep with, you might be in the same boat as your ex.

You might both miss the sexual aspect of the relationship and won’t get hurt if you sleep together. In that case, it may be best to express that you both only want sex without commitment. By voicing your desires and expectations, you can avoid deceiving and hurting each other.

Keep in mind that you shouldn’t have sex with an ex for months. If you keep having sex, you’ll either get strung along for months (if you have romantic feelings) or develop the habit of being sexual with each other.

The habit of sleeping together will keep you both close for the wrong reasons and complicate the relationships you have with your future partners. 

So tread carefully. Think about sleeping with your ex-girlfriend only if you or your ex-girlfriend still have romantic feelings and expectations as unresolved expectations could make the attached person think it’s possible to get back together through sex and spending time together.

Your and your partner’s goal should be to get rid of hope, not hold on to it. Make sure to get space from each other if you or your ex-girlfriend are still brokenhearted and crave affection.

Today, we’ll discuss why your ex-girlfriend still wants to sleep with you. We’ll also give you some tips that will help you decide what to do.

Why does my ex-girlfriend still want to sleep with me?

The main reason why your dumper ex-girlfriend still wants to sleep with you is that she respects you and finds you sexually attractive. She still feels close to you and doesn’t see any harm in sleeping with you.

Because she’s the dumper, she doesn’t consider sex a bonding activity meant for couples. She sees it as pure satisfaction, something that numbs pain and/or makes her feel good.

Don’t overthink the meaning behind her actions. As long as she just wants to sleep with you, her intentions are superficial. She doesn’t plan to reconnect on a romantic level because she’s romantically given up on you.

If she hadn’t, she wouldn’t only be sleeping with you. She’d also be apologizing, promising to do better, and working on regaining your trust and commitment. Someone who regrets breaking up with you is in a lot of pain and needs his or her ex’s forgiveness, acceptance, and love.

That person is prepared to do whatever it takes to restore the relationship and avoid breaking up.

On the other hand, an ex-girlfriend who wants to sleep with you out of the blue isn’t regretting anything. She wants to stay broken up and get into a relationship with someone else.

Maybe she doesn’t want to date anyone right away, but you can be certain that when she’s processed the separation and had some time to self-prioritize her desire for a romantic connection will return.

You don’t want to stick around for that to happen as you’ll get hurt beyond belief.

If you want to know why your ex-girlfriend still wants to sleep with you, this could be because she feels bad and thinks she owes you something. She can’t give you love, but she may be able to be your friend or friend with benefits.

Something is better than nothing, so her goal may be to make you feel good.

You’d be surprised how many dumpers have sex with their ex for the wrong reasons. Most of them do it for themselves – to fulfill their urges and cope with stress.

Other dumpers though, do it out of pity and guilt. They feel bad for their ex, so they offer their ex the second best thing they can offer – sex. Usually, they have sex before or right after the breakup because that’s when their ex is the saddest/most hurt.

Such dumpers don’t know that sleeping with their ex is a terrible idea and that it creates more problems than it solves. Guilt-ridden dumpers don’t understand that sex validates dumpees and makes them more dependent on them.

Because they lack breakup knowledge and empathy (the ability to put themselve in their ex’s shoes) they say and do things that confuse dumpees and delay their suffering. They don’t know or care what they’re doing to their ex, so they keep throwing their ex breadcrumbs (something hopeful to hold on to).

That’s why it’s so important that dumpees stay away from dumpers after the breakup and avoid settling for friendship or friendship with benefits. They may really want to stay close to their ex, but as long as they’re hurting and feeling the need to be validated by their ex, keeping their ex close to them is like drinking poison.

The dumper constantly plagues their mind with regrets, anxiety, intrusive thoughts, guilt, and feelings of unworthiness. The longer this goes on, the less dumpees work on themselves and detach from their ex.

So bear in mind that your ex-girlfriend still wants to sleep with you because she wants to make you and/or herself feel good.

She’s not sleeping with you because you’re a great person and her only romantic option. As far as romance goes, it’s gone. It was replaced with lust, guilt, or a false understanding of breakup dynamics.

The simplest explanation is that she doesn’t have a problem with you. She likes the attention sex gives her and doesn’t feel overwhelmed by it.

You’re probably keeping your composure, respecting her decision, giving her space, and minding your business. This is enough for her to think about you and still find you sexually attractive.

Mind you it’s not just your behavior and your looks that keep your ex sexually hooked. Your ex’s perception, coping mechanisms, personality, upbringing, and post-breakup expectations do that too.

They make your ex want a superficial connection with you.

For your ex to want an emotional connection, your ex would have to think you’re a good romantic match (probably the only good match). She’d have to crave the kinds of emotions she felt when she was with you and things were great.

Right now, she doesn’t feel such emotions, nor the need to want to feel them. That’s why she’s suggesting meeting up only for superficial purposes (sex). That would enable her to get what she needs with minimal effort and not worry about the expectations that come afterwards (from being in a relationship).

There’s no relationship (commitment), which is why after sex, your ex can immediately go back to doing her own things. She can go out every day, talk to whomever she wants, and even date other people.

She’s a free spirit as being your friend with benefits permits her to enjoy her life in whichever way she wants.

That’s why you need to be especially careful about what you agree to after the breakup. If you settle for less than you deserve, you’ll let your ex confuse you and string you along for as long as you’re hurting and willing to stick around.

With that said, here’s why your ex-girlfriend still wants to sleep with you.

If your ex-girlfriend still wants to sleep with you and you still want to be with her, don’t sleep with your ex. It might make you feel better in the moment, but when she goes home and doesn’t reply as quickly and in ways you want her to, your anxiety will shoot through the roof.

It will make you wonder where you stand with your ex, why she slept with you, and what you can do to reattract her. You’ll assume that her finding you physically attractive means that she still loves you and doesn’t want to sleep with other people.

In reality, she might have just had a bad date or got dumped and needed someone familiar to validate her.

Remember that when you assume that your ex still wants to be with you.

If you think your ex wants you back, you could put pressure on your ex and get ignored or blocked. That would make you feel worse as you’d feel used and discarded both at the same time.

Why does my dumpee ex-girlfriend still want to sleep with me?

Those who’ve been dumped know how it feels to be a dumpee. They know breakups suck and that they’d do anything to feel loved and connected with their ex. They’d happily sleep with their ex to stop feeling rejected and feel in control of their emotions.

What dumpees don’t know though is that connecting with an ex sexually for no reason is a terrible idea. If they connect on an intimate level, they crave their ex’s reassurance even more and become dependent on their ex.

Emotional dependence makes them stop moving on and investing in areas of their life that need the most work.

So if you’re the dumper and your ex still wants to sleep with you, don’t sleep with your ex. You may be okay with it and your ex may want it too, but if you sleep with your ex, you won’t help your ex at all.

You’ll make things worse for her because you’ll give her the attention she craves but shouldn’t get. Instead of helping her detach the proper way, you’ll tempt her to skip the detachment process by sleeping with you.

This will make her more attached and eager to bond and get back with you than anything.

You need to be aware of the dangers of sleeping with your dumpee ex-girlfriend. You need to know what’s best for her as she may be too emotional and eager for your affection to make rational decisions.

She’ll be grateful later when she processes the abandonment and realizes that if she had sex with you, it would have come from a place of desperation rather than love.

Why do you think your ex-girlfriend still wants to sleep with you? Share your thoughts in the comments area below the article, and we’ll get back to you shortly.

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Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Learn more about me or get in touch today.