Why Does My Ex-boyfriend Still Want To Sleep With Me?

If your ex-boyfriend still wants to sleep with you, your ex misses you sexually. He misses the way you’d made him feel throughout the relationship and wants to keep the sexual part of the relationship alive.

It doesn’t bother him that you’re no longer a couple. To him, all that matters is that he gets what he wants and feels good.

So whatever you do, don’t mistake his desire for sex for a desire to bond. When an ex wants to have sex with you, it’s no longer about love and affection. It’s all about lust and the attraction your ex still has for you.

This means that your ex still feels connected with you and has plans for you. He doesn’t despise you like those ex-couples who blame each other and do nasty things.

Your ex isn’t like that. He “just” wants to fulfill his sexual needs with your help even though he knows that sex isn’t your top priority. The fact that he’s being disrespectful isn’t even the main issue here. It’s that he gives you false hope and confuses you.

He gives you anxiety and makes you wonder if it’s possible to get back with him.

So if your ex-boyfriend still wants to sleep with you and you’re wondering why he wants that, keep in mind that your ex wants the best of both worlds. He wants to use you for his sexual gratifications and at the same time, have a relationship without commitment.

When you compare him to a typical guy who gets angry after the breakup, he’s not really that much better. The only difference is that an angry ex blames you for the breakup whereas an ex who sleeps with you gives you tons of false hope.

You’re free to decide whether you’d rather be strung along and given false hope or told you’re not good enough and left to fend for yourself.

If you ask me, it’s better to get hurt and left alone to heal than to be confused by a guy’s sexual interest in you. At least that way, you can start working on yourself and moving on.

In this post, we’ll answer the question – Why does my ex-boyfriend still want to sleep with me? We’ll shed some light on sexual ex-boyfriends’ behavior and give you some advice on how to protect yourself from them.

Why does my ex-boyfriend still want to sleep with me?

Many dumpees expect their ex to lose all attraction and feelings for them. They expect their ex to change from a loving person to someone who wants nothing to do with them.

Although this happens quite frequently, not all dumpers transform from hot and receptive to cold and vengeful. Some dumpers just aren’t happy with the relationship and/or get GIGS – the grass is greener syndrome and leave peacefully. They think that they deserve to be happy and that they should find someone better suited for them.

Someone who can stay emotionally connected with them and contribute to their lives in the way they want him or her to contribute.

If your ex still wants to sleep with you, bear in mind that your ex won’t always stay sexually attracted to you. Your ex will probably stop sleeping/wanting to sleep with you soon after meeting someone new.

And that’s because the new girl or woman will be fun and exciting to talk to and bond with. She’ll be someone your ex will know nothing about—and that alone will make her more attractive than you.

Take it as a warning from me so you know what to expect if you start sleeping with your ex-boyfriend.

So if you want to know why your ex is so eager to sleep with you, the most important thing you need to know is that he wants to feel good. He wants you to help him feel good even though he should be helping you deal with the breakup pain and doing everything he can to make you detach from him.

Such a guy has very little use for you. He’s only interested in serving his own wants and cravings and doesn’t care how he makes you feel. He probably doesn’t even understand what he’s doing to you.

Moreover, another reason why your ex wants to sleep with you is that your ex is afraid of letting you go. He’s still attached to you (although to a small degree) and knows that if he were to cut you out of his life that he’d feel a void in his chest.

He’d feel your absence—and that just wouldn’t feel right, so he’d rather keep you in his life until it’s safe for him to disconnect from you and attach to someone else.

This kind of behavior is called monkey-branching. We talk about it when an ex develops a connection with someone else and leaves the relationship to be with the person he craves. More often than not, a monkey-branching relationship can last years or even longer.

It really depends on whether it’s a rebound relationship or a relationship where a couple is emotionally ready to be with each other.

The third reason why your ex-boyfriend still wants to sleep with you is that your ex is leaving the door open. He still likes you a bit and wants to keep you around in case the next person he dates fails to reach his standards. That way, he can use you as a backup plan and ask to get back with you if things don’t go according to plan.

Your ex would rather be with someone than with no one. And that’s scary because your ex is afraid of being alone. He needs someone by his side, which means that he’s making decisions out of fear.

It’s also possible that your ex is narcissistic and/or craves validation. He might want to sleep with you because he sees you as a person who can empower him and entertain him. Such a guy wants you sexually because he needs you to stroke his ego and reassure him that he’s attractive and valuable.

You can tell a guy craves your validation if he gets angry when you reject him. His strong reaction indicates that he has expectations of you and that your opinion of him matters to him.

The last reason why your ex wants to sleep with you after the breakup is that he wants to be friends with benefits. He doesn’t know how the breakup makes you feel because he’s the dumper, so he thinks that you’ll be happy to keep sleeping with him even if you’re not together anymore.

A guy with this kind of thinking only wants what’s best for him. He doesn’t understand that a friendship with an ex, especially a sexual one is detrimental to your health and well-being. He’s completely clueless, which is why he focuses on his wants and needs and neglects yours.

With that being said, here are these 7 reasons why your ex-boyfriend still wants to sleep with you.

Why shouldn’t you sleep with your ex-boyfriend?

Now that you know why your ex-boyfriend still wants to sleep with you, let’s talk about what sleeping with an ex does to you.

First and foremost, any kind of emotional activity with your ex releases happy hormones in your brain and brings you emotionally closer to your ex. And because it brings you closer, it also increases your expectations and hope. Hope that a reconciliation with your ex is just around the corner and that you need to try harder to impress your ex.

That, in turn, makes you obsessed with your ex and forces you to think that your ex could realize he loves you and come back to you if you say and do the right things.

Although it’s possible that your ex will see your worth, you need to know that it’s unlikely that sex will make your ex realize what a great person you are and how miserable he is without you.

Sex might make your ex happy and keep him coming back for more, but, unfortunately, it won’t fix your ex’s mentality and the issues that plagued the relationship. The only thing that can improve the quality of your ex’s thoughts and feelings and change the label back to a romantic relationship is self-reflection.

So don’t think that sleeping with your ex-boyfriend is a surefire way of getting back with him. For your ex to come back, he needs to increase his romantic feelings, not just the sexual ones.

Why sleeping with your ex-boyfriend can help you get back with him?

We’ve already established that sex with your ex makes your ex feel validated and content. But what we haven’t yet mentioned is how sex can help you get back with your ex months after the breakup.

So here we go.

The reason why sex can sometimes be used as a weapon to push your ex to commit to you is that it makes your ex prioritize the person he feels the greatest with. It can make your ex disconnect from people he’s unsure about and allow him to reconnect with the person who makes him the happiest (you).

For example, if he’s dating someone and he’s unhappy with that person, sex with you can make him realize (faster) that his partner doesn’t make him as happy as you do (and did before) and force him to develop negative associations for his partner and positive ones for you.

It can make your ex see that you’re his best dating option and slowly encourage him to be with you.

For that to happen though, your ex must doubt the new person or be unhappy with his life. He must crave the life he had with you much more than the life he lives now. Only then can he become so discontent that he feels the urge to be happy with you again.

While your ex is looking for that urge, all you need to do is give your ex time to finish what he started with other people and/or get so hurt that he overcomes the doubts he had for you and runs back to you for comfort and safety.

What to do when an en ex wants to sleep with you?

Although there’s a slight chance of getting back with your ex after having sex with him, bear in mind that the odds of you getting hurt are much higher. It’s much more likely that sleeping with your ex will backfire on you because you’ll get emotionally dependent on your ex and crave his affection.

Sex will work like a drug on you as it will cause you to want more intimacy than ever before. You’ll want your ex to invest in you—and your space-deprived ex won’t like that. He’ll want more space.

That’s why the very first thing you should do when your ex-boyfriend expresses a desire to sleep with you is to reject your ex. Let him down gently by explaining that it’s not a good idea and that you’d like to focus on yourself instead.

If you’d already slept with your ex, however, then just turn him down next time he makes a move on you. Remember that you don’t have to keep giving him what he wants because being overly welcoming won’t make him come back.

It will just enable him to keep getting what he wants without putting in the effort (committing to you). As one of my buddies who helps people get over the breakup likes to say, “We don’t reward bad behavior.”

So instead of sleeping with your ex with the intention to get back with him, say no to your ex and stop talking to your ex. Start following the indefinite no contact rule and make sure your ex knows you’re no longer available to him.

That alone may not force your ex to come back, but it will increase your worth as well as self-worth as it will tell your ex that he’s no longer a priority and that you’ve got better things and people to focus on.

Are you still wondering why your ex-boyfriend wants to sleep with you? Let me know what you think about this post. Comment below.

And if you’d like to talk about your ex-boyfriend privately, visit our coaching services to learn more.