She Ghosted Me And Came Back! What Now?

If your ex ghosted you and came back, you need to think long and hard before you take your ex back. You need to understand that ghosters do what they do because they aren’t able to handle their unwanted emotions. They never were, so they just react to them and do what they think is best for them.

To them, leaving their partner abruptly makes much more sense than explaining why they feel unhappy. Part of that has to do with the fact that they lack morals, self-control, and the ability to find a solution that helps their partner as well as them.

But another reason is that they don’t have the patience and emotional strength to think about their partner’s feelings and talk to their partner about their reasons for leaving. That’s why they leave in a way that strips their partner of his/her importance and closure and make their partner or rather, ex-partner seek closure completely on his or her own.

Of course, most ghosters don’t hurt their boyfriends and girlfriends on purpose. But because they lack empathy and self-awareness, that’s exactly what they do. They hurt the person they’d lost feelings for and do what makes them happy.

I suppose they feel so guilty and apprehensive about telling their partner the truth that they run away from the problem and ignore it. That way, they don’t have to deal with their about-to-become ex.

Why bother explaining themselves when there’s a chance that they’ll receive a strong emotional reaction from their partner? I’m talking about an angry or sad reaction that would make them feel even more pressured or guilty.

If you ask me, ghosters don’t have the courage to put themselves in a situation they don’t want to be in. Especially if the situation demands that they explain themselves and help their struggling ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend.

The topic of this post is what to do if your ex ghosted you and wants you back. We’ll talk about what you can expect if you take a ghoster back and whether you should take your ghosting ex back.

What to do if your ex ghosted me and came back?

If your ex ghosted you and came back, you need to understand what your ex did to you. I’m not saying you should hold grudges, but you should comprehend how your ex treated you and what she’s capable of.

Firstly, you need to judge people by their actions. If they act selfishly, they obviously don’t care about your feelings. They care about your feelings only when they’re happy – and that doesn’t make them good partners.

What makes people good and reliable partners is when they behave properly under pressure. That’s when they show how much they care about you and how developed they are as people.

So what does this mean for your ex?

It means that your ex showed you who she is at her worst. She showed what she thought of you and most importantly, how she treats people when she feels overwhelmed.

You should use that knowledge to discover who your ex is at the core. Knowing that will help you figure out if it’s possible to cooperate with your ex’s dark side and make the relationship stronger.

Secondly, if you’re contemplating taking your ex back, you should also understand why your ex came back. Figure out what went wrong in her life and what she’s learned in your absence.

If she got hurt by another guy but hasn’t done anything to improve her ethics, commitment, and self-control, you probably shouldn’t get involved with her again. If you do, you’ll likely see her old traits when things go south.

You may not get ghosted again, but you could see her react in similar immoral ways and get hurt.

So protect yourself by taking your ex’s ability to hurt you away. Do it so your ex can’t inconspicuously crawl back into your heart and backstab you when you least expect it. Normally, a person who’s overcautious and self-protective in a relationship has trust issues, but in this case, it’s not about having trust issues.

It’s about self-respect and taking the time to discern your ex’s improvements, worth, and intentions. You need to learn not just whether your ex has come back for you and the right reasons, but also if she’s committed to growing and improving as a person.

Her willingness to work on herself will determine the success of your relationship if you get back together after getting ghosted.

So pay attention to her interest in you. It will tell you how eager she is to be with you and what she’s willing to sacrifice and change to get on your good side.

You can tell your ex is serious about earning your trust back if she lowers her ego and places herself at your mercy. That would mean that she’s letting you control the pace of the relationship and that she won’t resist any changes, requests, and suggestions you may have for her.

For a ghoster ex to change, keep in mind that she has to commit to self-improvement and work on herself for so long and with such fervor that she makes self-improvement her main goal in life. Only then can she actually develop herself into a person that the relationship requires her to be.

Many dumpers need a strong emotional incentive to grow, so don’t be afraid to tell your ex what’s going to happen if she starts to show her old traits and disappoints you. Being afraid of losing her and acting on that fear won’t help you keep her interested.

It will most likely give her leverage as it will show her that you need her back more than she does. That will, in turn, discourage her from working on herself and procuring your validation and approval.

So instead of throwing yourself at your ex’s feet, mention to her that you don’t want to see her behave the way she did in the past and that she needs to get her act together this time.

Say that it’s her one and only chance at redemption and that there’s no more relationship if she messes up and fails to impress you. She either learns to communicate and handle her intrusive thoughts and feelings or she’s out for good.

I know this seems mean and threatening, but you need to remember that when your ex ghosts you, she takes all your power away. She lets you deal with the breakup on your own while she does what makes her happy.

That’s why the roles need to reverse. You needn’t be having the time of your life while she’s trying to improve, but you should let her see that you value yourself and that you’ve learned to stand up to people who mistreat you.

Should I take a ghosting ex-girlfriend back?

I’ll share my opinion on whether I would take a ghosting ex back in just a few minutes. But for now, I’d like to give you a few rules to follow that will help you decide if taking a ghoster back is worth the trouble.

First of all, taking an ex back is risky. I’m not saying this to scare you and dissuade you from getting back with your ex, but you need to know dumpers sometimes come back for themselves and leave again. Some dumpers just don’t have what it takes to stay in love because they come back out of boredom, anxiety, or jealousy and take their partner for granted again.

Such dumpers usually leave again within a few weeks of coming back.

Bear in mind that an ex wanting you back is merely the first step toward a successful reconciliation. It’s the part where your ex realizes she’s made a mistake and wants you back. The biggest part which consists of working on herself remains a mystery.

You just don’t know what your ex has done or is willing to do to change.

What does this mean for you?

It means that even if your ex has learned your worth and regrets dumping you that she’ll still have to address her issues. Her issues won’t disappear on her own. They’ll go away when your ex takes them seriously and does something about them.

The thing you need to pay attention to when your ex ghosts you, therefore, is whether she has learned her lessons while you were broken up (if a lot of time has passed since the breakup) or if she’s committed to learning and improving now that she wants you back.

My advice is to ask her lots of self-growth-related questions. See if she’s learned anything while she was were gone and if she’s eager (almost desperate) to improve herself for you and the relationship.

An ex who’s interested in growing with you will answer all questions and leave you with no doubts about her willpower and behavior. Sure, you’ll have some doubts about her commitment as you’ll fear that history will repeat itself, but you won’t worry about whether she’s committed to growing.

So make sure she’s ready to do what’s necessary for the relationship and ask her the following questions.

Questions like:

• Why did you ghost me last time?
• Do you think it was the right thing to do?
• What would you do today if you felt the same way
• What makes you certain that you won’t ghost anyone again?
• What are you going to work on if we get back together?
• Are you willing to show me your improvements and talk about what else you need to work on?

If your ex answers these questions truthfully and you like her answers, your ex may be serious about improving her flaws and being with you. She may be able to make the necessary personal changes and gain your respect. All you’ll have to do is decide if you can forgive her for ghosting you and trust her fully again.

If you’re going to bring up her ghosting and express disapproval every time you argue, it’s better that you don’t give your ex another chance. Your relationship won’t be able to grow if you berate your ex when she’s trying to leave her old self behind.

So make a decision on whether she’s capable and willing to change and if you can trust her again and encourage her to keep growing.

Here are 5 things you should do if your ex ghosted you and then came back.

Would I take someone who ghosted me back?

I’ve been doing this long enough to know that some ghosters, cheaters, liars, and impulsive people can change for the better. They can change their behavioral patterns and be better people if they want to. But despite knowing that people can improve, I probably wouldn’t give a ghoster another chance.

The reason for that is that I live by strong moral values and expect my romantic partner to treat me the way I treat her. Every day is a chance for her to show me if she wants to work with me and on herself, so if she were to ghost me and betray my trust, I probably wouldn’t like that.

She’d damage my expectations of her and tell me that she doesn’t value me and isn’t ready for the kind of relationship I wish to have.

I’m aware of the fact that no one is perfect, but I wouldn’t be willing to wait for her to fix something so basic such as poor morals and a lack of self-control. I wouldn’t have the patience for it even if I scared her off by being too clingy and needy.

If she had a problem with me while she was with me, I’d want her to communicate that problem like an adult and not run away like a coward.

I’m not sure what other people talk about with their partner, but my partner and I often talk about ghosting and cheating. We discuss that a person who does these things lacks self-respect as well as respect for his or her partner and that getting back with him or her isn’t worth it.

That means that if my partner were to ghost me and come back months later that she’d do exactly the opposite of what we previously discussed. She’d make me realize that she didn’t mean half the things she said and that our values are way too different for us to be with each other.

The only time when I’d consider making some sort of a plea deal and cooperate with a ghosting ex is if we had children together or shared certain responsibilities.

Did your ex or a girl you liked ghost you and come back? What was her excuse for ghosting you? Let me know if you’re thinking of giving her another chance in the comment section below.

Or if you need help deciding and would like to talk to us about it, visit our coaching page for more information.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Learn more about me or get in touch today.