My Ex Is Dating Someone More Attractive Than Me

Finding out that your ex got back into the dating scene can be shocking and worrying. But when you learn that your ex is dating someone more attractive than you, it can also crush your self-esteem. It can make you afraid that the new person is better not just physically, but also intellectually and behaviorally.

This is because attractive people are attractive and highly desirable, so we tend to put a higher importance on them and trust them more than unattractive people.

But the truth is that life doesn’t favor them. Although attractive people find partners and jobs easier, they have a big disadvantage when it comes to relationships. And that’s because they often receive validation and develop confidence from an early age—and tend to get what they want.

And because they get what they want, they don’t always feel the need to work very hard to be with someone they like. They can neglect their self-growth, blame their partner for their incompetencies, and break up with their partner when their relationship becomes too difficult to handle.

In their minds, they know that they can start dating someone new right away and that there’s no need for them to self-reflect and address their issues.

I’m not saying that all good-looking people are self-absorbed and have it easy in life. All I’m saying is that they normally develop themselves in different ways. In ways that allow them to develop confidence, charisma, and trustworthiness as opposed to more self-aware individuals who develop impulse control, relationships skills, perseverance, and a healthy mentality.

I think it’s time we stop judging people by their exterior and truly get to know them for who they are. If we remember that looks don’t hold relationships together, we can all agree that personalities are much more important than something we were born with.

Personalities decide what direction a relationship will go in and looks do absolutely nothing.

The only reason why appearance is important in this world is that it explains how healthy we are and how we want others to perceive us. It shows if we neglect ourselves or if we take care of our physical health.

So if you think that your ex upgraded to someone better than you and you can’t stop comparing yourself to this person, know that this person’s looks won’t help him or her maintain a romantic relationship. What will help this person as well as your ex are their relationship skills, maturity, and the resolve to stay committed through good and bad.

In today’s post, we’ll discuss why worrying about your ex dating someone more attractive than you is a complete waste of time.

My ex is dating someone more attractive than me

When you’re heartbroken and miserable, you’re quick to compare yourself to better-looking, more successful people.

You’re going through the most painful experience of your life, so it’s no wonder that you feel replaced and forgotten. You fear that your ex (the person you have expectations of) moved on to someone better while you’re still single, heartbroken, and hopeful about getting back with your ex.

Although it’s probably true that you’re unhappy, we can’t say that your ex has moved on to someone better. We can only say that your ex’s new partner is different and that there’s so much you don’t know about him or her.

I know you’re anxious, but it’s not about what this person has that you don’t. You’re not in competition with this person. Your ex got attracted to this man or woman because your relationship broke down and your ex wanted to be with someone new.

It just so happens that this person is attractive.

It’s of utmost importance that you don’t judge the quality of their relationship by what you can see and hear. You have no insight into their relationship and don’t know what their relationship is like behind closed doors. If they just got together, they’re probably in a love phase and feel infatuated with each other.

But when they get through the love phase, they’ll become comfortable with each other and encounter relationship struggles and various challenges.

So don’t make any assumptions now that they just got together. How their relationship works or how it will work in the future is something only they know (if they communicate well). It’s their relationship, so let them worry about that while you focus on healing and making the most out of your life.

You have to understand that insecurity is a fear that stems from low self-esteem. And self-esteem is confidence in your worth that goes up and down in life. Now that your ex got involved with some attractive, your self-esteem has hit an all-time low point and needs to be rebuilt.

But when you pick yourself up and detach from your ex, you’ll no longer feel this way. You’ll see that your ex’s dating choices are irrelevant to your happiness and success and that you’ve got better things to worry about.

Things that actually make a difference in your life.

Why am I so worried about my ex’s new partner?

If you’re bothered about your ex’s new girlfriend or boyfriend, you’re essentially being jealous. You’re worried that your ex has thrown away everything you went through together and that he or she is going to be happy with the new person until the end of time.

Although this could be the person your ex settles down with, it’s unlikely that your ex’s relationship will be as flawless as you think. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship. There are only couples who learn to work together and couples who stay together even though they aren’t best-suited for each other.

It’s too soon to tell whether your ex’s new relationship has potential, but one of the biggest reasons you can’t stop obsessing over your ex’s new partner is that the new person has made you feel little. He or she shattered your self-worth into a million pieces and made you doubt the authenticity of the relationship you had with your ex.

You still have expectations of your ex, so any information that proves your ex likes his or her new partner more than you hurts you. It makes you hungry for recognition and hinders your ability to think and act reasonably. And that’s because you haven’t fully let go of your ex yet.

You weren’t able to because:

• not enough time has passed
• you’ve been keeping an eye on your ex
• and you got hurt by comparing yourself to your ex’s new partner

When you saw that the new person is attractive and/or successful, your damaged self-esteem took another nosedive. The fear that your ex is happy took your remaining hope away and put you through another withdrawal.

So if you don’t know why your ex’s new partner bothers you so much, remember that the realization that he or she is good-looking took you by surprise and hurt you. It brought out your worst fears and insecurities and destroyed the work you’ve done on yourself.

The image below shows 9 reasons why you’re comparing yourself to your ex’s new partner.

How to stop comparing yourself to your ex’s new partner?

If you want to stop comparing yourself to your ex’s new boyfriend or girlfriend, you have to stop doing what’s making you compare yourself. This means that the very first thing you should do is stop making typical post-breakup mistakes such as analyzing your ex’s social media, communicating with your ex, and asking your friends for information about your ex.

Such things are the first thing you need to eliminate as they cause your brain to constantly crave information, attention, and recognition.

When you’ve done that, you should learn a thing or two about self-esteem. Read a book called The Six Pillars of Self-esteem. It will help you understand how self-esteem works and what you can do to be at ease with yourself. Building up your self-esteem will take time, but the lessons you learn will stay with you for life.

You should also stay off social media for a while as seeing your ex and other happy couples taking photos and building families could remind you of your ex and trigger a dangerous setback. It could hurt you so much that you start looking for flaws in yourself and compare yourself to your ex’s new partner.

The key to stopping your anxiety from getting out of control is to get space from your ex and block out everything that could:

• remind you of your ex
• compare you to your ex’s new partner
• trigger your fears, worries, and insecurities
• make you think about your ex
• hurt you and force you to become nostalgic
• and make you regret mistakes in the past

You must remind yourself that you can’t fix the past and that it’s in your best interest to forget about the new person your ex is with/left you for and let go of your ex. Why the breakup happened and who was more at fault no longer matters.

All that matters is that you regain control of your emotions and heal from the pain your ex is unknowingly putting you through.

Is there anything I can do to stop my ex from dating someone better than me?

Unfortunately, there’s nothing you can do to encourage, manipulate, or force your ex to stop dating the new person. Your ex has decided to date this person and fell in love with him or her, which is why you won’t be able to break their bond no matter how hard you try.

Meddling with their relationship is only going to backfire on you as it’s going to make your ex even less receptive to you and more attracted to the more confident individual – the new partner.

The only way your ex can and should break up with the new person is if they decide that they aren’t compatible with each other. This means that they must decide their relationship isn’t going anywhere and that the best thing to do is to go separate ways and be with other people.

When that happens, your ex might become interested in you again and fall back in love with you.

Either that or your ex will just move on and find someone else. I don’t have a crystal ball to predict what will happen, but if they got together just because of physical/sexual attraction, their relationship won’t always be as strong as it is right now.

When they get emotionally closer, they’ll likely neglect each other’s wants and needs and react to each other’s shortcomings when things get tough.

You have to understand that just because your ex is with this person, it doesn’t necessarily mean that this man or woman is better than you. It could just mean that this new person isn’t significantly better or significantly worse and that your ex will stick with this person for now.

For your ex to come back to you, your ex would have to find a reason to get rid of the negative associations he or she associated with you before, during, and after the breakup. Not only that, but your ex would also have to get hurt by his or her new partner and/or find some other strong emotional or rational incentive to desire what you have.

The reconciliation is out of your control, so don’t blame yourself if your ex stays with his or her boyfriend or girlfriend and never comes back. If you’re the dumpee (the person who was broken up with), remember that you can’t improve your ex’s thoughts and feelings. You can only give your ex space to breathe and prevent your ex from thinking poorly (or poorer) of you.

I know it’s hard, but if your ex is dating someone more attractive than you, your ex has to realize that you’re much better than his or her new partner. Your ex has to discern that inner beauty outweighs the outer one and give you the respect that you deserve.

Is your ex dating someone more attractive than you and you’re worried your ex won’t come back? Do you think that external beauty is important? Would you say it’s less, more, or as important as the inner one? Post your thoughts below the post.

And as always, if you’d like to talk about your ex’s new relationship in private, have a look at our coaching options.