Do Dumpers Regret Breaking Up With You?

It’s completely normal to sometimes wonder if dumpers regret breaking up with you. If you recently got dumped, your happiness probably depends on this information because it gives you hope that your ex will one day want to communicate with you and get back with you.

It sucks, but when your ex broke up with you, your ex crushed your ego and self-esteem. He or she made you feel unimportant and hurt you badly. That’s why you’re now looking for validation which is information that dumpers regret breaking up with their exes after a while.

Although there’s nothing wrong with learning more about dumpers’ behavior, you need to know that too much false hope can stop you from moving on. It can make you think that all dumpers regret leaving their exes and that your ex will too after a while.

Some hope-giving breakup experts certainly say that most exes come back, but you need to know that dumpers who lose feelings for their exes don’t return very quickly (if ever). They return only if they get hurt and fail to create a happy self-fulfilling life for themselves.

Of course, there’s more to reconciliations than just that. Dumpers’ remorse also kicks in when you’re doing well without dumpers. Not when you’re dating highly attractive people but when you’re doing great and they’re not. That’s when they become regretful and want a piece of the pie.

This means that if you’re begging and pleading with your ex and trying to force your ex to come back, you need to stop doing that. Not only will such behaviors annoy your ex and show you don’t have your life together, but they’ll also make your ex lose all respect for you and see no reason to get back with you.

To make your ex think about you and miss you, you must follow a strict regimen of indefinite no contact. No contact means no texting, calling, or interacting with your ex in any way, shape, or form (not even liking your ex’s pictures). If your ex broke up with you, your ex needs to see that you’re independent, unavailable, and unwilling to provide relationship benefits.

Your ex lost all benefits the moment he or she broke up with you and decided to go solo.

Now that you’re in no contact, you’re most likely dealing with the post-breakup blues. You’re wondering how you can attract your ex back and whether dumpers ever regret breaking up with dumpees. The truth is that they do from time to time as some dumpers fail to find happiness. But it’s not nearly as often as people on the internet say they do.

Not all dumpers come back because not all dumpers:

  • improve their shortcomings
  • realize their dumpees’ worth
  • fail so badly that they fall back on their exes

So if you want to know if your ex will ever regret breaking up with you and come back to invest in you, know that it depends on many things. Most things are out of your control because you can’t predict what will happen to your ex while he or she is away from you.

You don’t know if your ex will date other people and fail or if your ex will take things slow for a while and not do anything that could make him or her reflect.

If the breakup just occurred and it was a real breakup (not a fakeup), your ex will need to go through the 5 breakup stages first.

He or she will need to process negative breakup emotions and discern you weren’t the cause of his or her unhappiness and the grass is greener syndrome. You were the person who supported your ex and remained loyal until the very end.

Most breakups feel sudden, but the reality is that dumpers usually aren’t spontaneous. They normally think long and hard before they break up with their dumpees and focus on themselves. This is the reason why they feel so relieved after the breakup.

Relief occurs because they feel smothered for days or weeks prior to the breakup and need a way to escape a situation they no longer want to be in. And once they finally escape it, they free themselves from all obligations and enjoy their newfound freedom.

You need to make sure your ex doesn’t string you along with meaningless post-breakup messages. If you decide to communicate with your ex (even if your ex reaches out first), you’ll show you’re willing to be your ex’s friend. And that will, in turn, tell your ex that he or she can take as much time as needed to explore other options and not worry about a thing.

I’m not saying that turning down friendship will make your ex come back for sure, but it will make your ex respect you and leave you alone to heal.

This post is for dumpees who wonder if dumpers regret breaking up with dumpers after a while.

Do dumpers regret breaking up with you

Do dumpers regret breaking up with you?

Right after your breakup, your ex feels no remorse. He or she is extremely relieved and enjoys the space your lack of presence provides. Your ex no longer worries about how you’ll handle the breakup and what his or her friends and family will think.

All your ex has to think about is his or her own life and stay distracted as much as possible.

This is the reason why so many dumpers appear unaffected by the breakup. They feel so relieved from the end of their suffocating relationship that they just want to disassociate from their old lifestyles and be completely independent of their exes.

This is especially true for couples who were together for a very long time. Long-term couples wish to regain their identity, so they go out more, dress differently, and do the things they previously condemned.

To dumpees, they appear unrecognizable, strange, different, and even fake. This depends on how elated dumpers feel and how badly dumpees need their exes to validate their feelings.

If you’re worried your ex has changed or evolved since the breakup, rest assured that your ex hasn’t. Your ex is merely exploring the world and chasing after external happiness. Once relief wanes and your ex loses the energy to do all these new exciting things, your ex will revert to his or her old self.

Sure, your ex will likely keep certain hobbies and friends, but all in all, your ex will remain the same person inside. A couple of months of relief are not enough for dumpers to change. To change, they need to reflect the way dumpees do rather than focus on enjoying themselves.

Will the dumper ever regret breaking up with you?

It’s hard to say with certainty whether and when your ex will come back. If you were truly good to your ex-partner and the relationship was stable and functional, your ex may at some point in the future regret breaking up with you. This depends on what your ex does and who he or she gets involved with after the breakup.

If your ex dates someone who hurts your ex and forces your ex to become nostalgic, your ex will likely remember that you were a better match for him or her and send you a message to see what you’re up to. But if your ex dates people who are just so so, then your ex likely won’t come back.

At least not until he or she has failed in some important way and reflected on his or her mistakes.

Some things that can help the dumper regret leaving you are failed rebound relationships, health issues, family drama, stress, depression, and a need for validation.

These things attract an ex back more often than healthy relationship. A healthy relationship is just one of the conditions for dumpers to remember the good times and return to you. It’s not the main reason exes come back as some people assume.

So keep in mind that dumpers’ regret kicks in when things don’t go according to plan for them. They become regretful when someone or something hurts them and forces them to look for validation, happiness, and stability with their exes.

Do dumpers regret breaking up with you

So while you’re waiting for your ex to have an epiphany, portray yourself in a confident light. Instead of pestering your ex with calls and messages, start no contact and stay in it until you hear from your ex. It could take your ex a very long time to reach out, but even if it takes years, you must stay away from your ex.

Unless your ex reaches out and shows interest, your ex is of no use to you. At least not romantically.

Always remember that your ex has to put in the work because when your ex does, your ex will start to see your worth and value you for the person you are. An emotional investment is necessary because without it, your ex will take you for granted again and leave when he or she gets bored, tired, or preoccupied.

No matter how tempted you feel to break no contact and reach out to your ex first, remind yourself that you can’t be the one to take the initiative with your ex. Your ex abandoned you, so chasing your ex and hoping your ex will come back is a waste of time.

By chasing your ex, all you’ll do is show you want to be with your ex very badly and emotionally overwhelm your ex with your expectations and/or demands. You might even guilt-trip your ex and cause your ex to push you away.

That’s why it’s better to stick with the rules of no contact and let your ex come to you after a breakup. This is the only way your ex will see that you’re handling the breakup well and that it’s safe to reach out to you and see how you’re doing.

Breadcrumbs from your ex wouldn’t necessarily make things better, of course, but at least your ex wouldn’t be afraid of communicating with you. Your ex would respect you for keeping yourself together and may not give up on the idea of getting back together completely.

Do dumpers come back after months?

More often than not, dumpers come back months or years after the breakup. That’s because they need lots of time to process the breakup and realize that the person they left was actually good for them.

The more time goes by, the more time dumpers have to run into problems and reflect on their past relationships. Time is, therefore, good for you as it lets your ex do what he or she wants and makes it possible for him or her to hit a snag.

So if you’re wondering if dumpers regret breaking up with you and come back after months, keep in mind that they do. They usually return because they can’t find what they’re looking for on their own or with someone else. In other words, they fail to stay happy after the breakup, so they come running back to the ex who loved them and made them feel secure.

To make your ex see your worth and want to be with you, give your ex a chance to be free and do what your ex wants. Let your ex be free even if your ex is dating other people.

Remember that dumpers come back after months of their own accord because they can’t handle the stressors and realizations life throws at them. And because they can’t handle them, they sometimes return to their recent exes to rely on them for emotional support and validation.

Why do dumpers come back after months

No one can tell whether your ex will seek your help and approval, but if you remain strong during no contact and your ex needs your strength, chances are that your ex will reach out and want your assistance.

So for now, commit to no contact and wait for your ex to make the first move. You’ll know your ex wants you back when your ex invites you out, tells you he/she wants to be with you, and appears to be in a hurry to reconnect with you.

The real reason why dumpers regret breaking up with you

Dumpers regret breaking up with dumpees when they’re miserable while their exes are happy. That’s when they do whatever it takes to find their exes, contact them, apologize to them, and emotionally depend on them.

Not all dumpers verbally express that they want their exes back, of course, but all regretful dumpers non-verbally show that they’re in pain and that they want another chance.

That’s why all you have to do is wait in no contact and focus on yourself. Don’t obsessively look for signs that your ex wants you back because that’s completely unnecessary. You’ll know if your ex wants you back if your ex doesn’t let you go. At least not before your ex makes sure you don’t want to be with him or her.

So if you’re trying to figure out why dumpers regret breaking up with their exes after a while, know that it’s because they’re unhappy. They don’t like the way things turned out for them and need dumpees to show give them love and support.

All you need from your ex is to contact you and make plans with you. Everything else will fall in place on its own.

Dumpers come back when you’ve moved on!

Dumpers come back when you’ve moved on and no longer care about them. They don’t come back just because it hurts their ego, but also because they redevelop respect for their exes and realize they’ve made a big mistake.

Dumpers then become unhappy and want to stop feeling unhappy, so they find their exes and see if their exes still like them and want to be with them. If their exes are extremely excited to hear from them, they oftentimes get validated and stop talking to their exes. They feel too overwhelmed to keep communicating with their exes.

Only dumpees who don’t need their exes make a good impression on their exes. That’s because they exude confidence, which is the most desirable trait a person can have.

With that said, don’t just wait for the dumper to come back to you. Waiting is going to make you look desperate and will likely scare your ex off when he or she reaches out and sees you need him or her more than ever.

Instead, do what you can to move on and your chances of reconciliation will be as high as they can be.

Do female dumpers regret breaking up?

Female dumpers come back slightly less often than male dumpers. But from my observations, male dumpers sometimes leave again shortly after coming back. They get bored or tired and leave if they don’t develop enough love and respect for their exes.

Both male and female dumpers come back because they thought they’d be happier without their exes. Dumpers essentially discover that their exes made decent romantic partners and that they took their exes for granted. This then makes them anxious and forces them to get back with their exes before someone else takes interest in their exes.

Female dumpers tend to suffer from depression and mental disorders more often than male dumpers. Their unhappiness motivates them to look inward and encourages them to figure out if they’d made the right decision.

That’s because they’re in pain and in a hurry to stop the pain. You need to be aware of that so you know why female dumpers come back.

How to make her regret breaking up with you?

To make your ex regret breaking up with you, you must leave her completely alone. Allow your ex to experience life without you and go through the 4 stages of the grass is greener syndrome.

You can’t make her regret breaking up with you directly by talking to her and posting a lot of positive pictures. But you can give her enough space to think about the breakup and figure out whether she’s happy.

If she realizes you were the best guy she ever dated and the last guy she wants to date, she’ll want you back and reach out. But hopefully, you won’t be desperate to get back with her if she returns just to obtain validation from you. Hopefully, you’ll have learned your worth and will take the time to discover her intentions and whether she’s learned her lessons.

How often do male dumpers come back?

When male dumpers abandon their exes, they normally focus on enjoying themselves and not thinking about their exes. All they want is to focus on themselves and other people. But when those other people disappoint them or hurt them, something very important happens. Suddenly, they stop associating negative thoughts and feelings with their exes and start thinking more fondly of them.

They start thinking that their exes weren’t that bad in comparison to their current girlfriends/ex-girlfriends and that they need to see if their exes want them back.

It’s hard to say how often male dumpers regret breaking up with their exes because every guy is different. But we can say that those who get involved with the wrong kinds of people often do. Those guys realize that their ex-girlfriends were their healthiest and best options and that they need to get them back before it’s too late.

Did your male or female dumper break up with you? Are you hoping that he or she will regret breaking up with you one day? Post your comment below the article.

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110 thoughts on “Do Dumpers Regret Breaking Up With You?”

  1. Reading this article made me cry a lot. I am a recent dumpee (48 hours) and in so much pain. Long story short, I met my ex 3 years ago. We had a great friendship, we tried dating twice, but the 1st two time were reasonable excuses, he was grieving the lost of his mother, and covid just started. We decided to stay friends during this time, and our friendship blossomed to loveā€¦. Again. When he asked me to be his gf, I said no, because he broke my trust the last two times, and I said he needed to show me that he was being honest about us and not stringing me along. And he did his part, it took 6 months of him showing that he was serious about us. I accepting him and we became official. 9 months into our relationship, he told me that he wasnā€™t happy, he felt trapped in this relationship, felt a disconnect about us. And he said that he wanted someone more like his personality because I am too passive for him, I went in circles with my answers, and I didnā€™t listen to him the first time and he hated repeating himself.

    This broke me because the three years heā€™s known me, I never changed my persona. I had to challenge him on the passive comment because I was always trying to make suggestions, idea, and help him around when ever I can, but I always got scolded and yelled at for being ā€œtoo much, stowing him or being clingyā€. So I decided to throw ideas instead of what I would like to do, and just let him make the decisions for us, because he was always throwing out that he never had time for himself and he was always sacrificing his time for other me. I basically became the yes man, after this and left him alone. And made him reach out to me, when he felt ready to speak to me, and want to do things, respecting his wishes. I discovered that heā€™s definitely an avoidance attachment, and when ever I tried to show love and support, he would run the other way.

    After he broke up with me, he said he still loves me, but he just canā€™t Romantically, and wanted us to continue to be good friends, he truly cares about me and my well being. After experiencing this for the 3rd time I told him I donā€™t think I can. And I explained to him why- hanging out with him like nothing ever happened (vs the last two times) would eat me alive, and cause to much pain to me, and break my heart even more because I have so much love for him. Heā€™s not a cryer, but when I said no to hun, his eyes got bloodshot super fast after hearing this No.

    I know I did the right thing, saying no to him, because I truly love him so much. When we had his good days. He was an amazing person and treating me like a Queen, when I tried to return the favor he would get overwhelmed and scold me for being too much, so I just became his yes man instead thinking it would help him. Hearing that he wanted a more assertive woman (which I was) broke me because I have always been a strong and independent woman, but thinking being a sub since heā€™s so Dom would have even our the tension. We never faught once, and we did quarterly check ins in out relationships to see how we were doing, and fixing any issues we found, which we did. But why the recent breakup now vs breaking up when we did our check up (which was literally two weeks ago)

    Anyway, my question is, will he come back again after doing this again for the 3rd time. The last two were legit excuses and I find them as a Free pass, but now? I asked him what can I do to improve myself, to avoid doing this again to a further someone, and he says I did nothing wrong, he has nothing negative to say about me because I was perfect in his books and always told everyone how amazing I was and his family truly loved me. But why being ā€œperfectā€ in his book, can hurt so much and cause him to break up with me out of the blue. Iā€™m afraid that he will come back again and beg me to come back again. We have been in zero contact and I donā€™t plan on reaching out for him. What are your thoughts? So sorry for the long vent and post, ty so much for reading.

    Reply
    • Hi Jakuri.

      I’m sorry for being so brutally honest. šŸ™

      Your ex currently feels smothered and can’t keep conversing with you. It’s too much for him emotionally as he needs space. You have to understand that he gave the relationship multiple times and that this time, he detached completely.

      Every time an ex leaves or fails to make the relationship work, he becomes less relationship focused and determined to make it work. You should stay in NC and let him come to you. He doesn’t deserve nor need any more power.

      Hang in there,
      Zan

      Reply
  2. Hi Zan,

    My girlfriend of almost four years recently dumped me. We had a great relationship, travelled abroad together regularly and there was never any cheating or rarely any arguments. I got on great with her friends and family.
    She is moving to Dubai permanently and I cannot move with her right away as I have a number of months of my Masters course remaining. I am in my late twenties and she is in her mid twenties. She said she was ending the relationship because she needs time to figure herself out. This leaves me very confused as she said she still loves me when she was breaking up – however your above reply states “a person who loves you doesn’t need to figure anything out.”

    Things turned a little sour a few weeks before she broke up with me. For eight months we knew she was moving to Dubai – however we said we’d make things work as I’d be able to visit her for a week once every two months (from Ireland) and stay with her in her one bed apartment.

    However she visited Dubai for just over a week during the Easter break, went out every night and followed a lot of random men she’d met on Instagram. She wasn’t truthful when I asked who all these new followers were which made me freak out a little bit. I believe this is what made her break up with me. I’m trying so hard not to contact her but I’m finding it very hard. My mother tells me to “stay in touch” with her. I’m wondering if you’ve any advice.

    Thanks

    Reply
    • Hi Cian.

      Your ex gave you a typical breakup excuse. “I just need to focus on myself” means she doesn’t want you around anymore because she feels smothered in your presence. It’s probably not your fault, Cian. But do keep in mind that love is gone and that she’s just afraid of telling you the truth.

      This relationship has ended, Cian. She most likely won’t come back just because she said she would. If she wanted to be with you, she’d be with you today and wouldn’t risk breaking up with you and you finding someone else.

      Keep that in mind and stay strong!
      Zan

      Reply
  3. Good lord this article hit the nail on the head!!! My ex hasnt be able to let me go the last 8 months breadcrumbed friendszoned ..ive done my deed and left her alone and yet she reaches out every once n while ..maybe i showed to much response when she does. Not sure. But not once have i reached out in all that time,always been her. You are so right zan when someone loves u they do anything to keep u and not let u go and dont leave to look for better(GIGS). Thats taken months to figure outā€¦.i have gotten the apologies and sorrys along with having a heart and that i didnā€™t deserve this. (Especially being a step dad to her 3 kids)ā€¦time does heal and alot of work on myself as well!! Moving forward i continue to work on myself and move on best i can. As for her next reach which im assume be soon again ..ill try and figure out how to go about it and how i feel. Like alot of your articles say we have NO OBLIGATION to respond to somone who left for what they thought was better and us in the cold. Going wtf just happened !! She does have mental health ā€œdepression ā€œ and i can see in time the regrets will get worse and we had an amazing connection!! She wasnt mature enough to understand that coming outta a 20 year marriage with a narcissistic person. I believe the tables are turning and im starting to not care and do my thing And as u say she s been through the karmic rebound that was horrible ā€œher wordsā€ not mine ..but she still needs to work on herself. We are 8 years difference and she needs to see what a real relationship is and mature before she can be with someone like myself !! More lessons need to be learned. But Iā€™ll guarantee she ll be back. Couple weeks ago i finally heard i do miss you 8 months it took !! Where to go from here I continue being me and leave her alone and if it happens it happens if not i will be okay!!!! There are more women out there that will appreciate myself and the things i have to offer. Love ,loyalty ,communication,commitment and many other things!! To all out there all the best and listen to ZAN. Stay away dont beg or anything walk away its hard as hell losing a best friend trust me i know very wellā€¦… But do it for your pride and self worth and know we all deserve better. If someone doesnā€™t appreciate u ,your worth anymore or respect you or what u have to offer. Walk away ā€¦if they come back chances you will be stronger anyways to make a proper decision or u have moved onā€¦ THATS IF THEY DO COME BACK cheers to all šŸ‘šŸ‘šŸ‡ØšŸ‡¦

    Reply
    • Thanks for writing such an empowering message, DR.

      There are indeed lots of great women out there. But problem is that it’s hard to notice them when you’re going through a devastating heartbreak. You need to heal first because that’s when you stop putting your ex on a pedestal and want someone better than her.

      Sincerely,
      Zan

      Reply
  4. Hi Zan,

    My ex gf and I dated for 8 months. Lived together and all. She had a history of dating terrible guys until she met me. We had a really good relationship. Had a ton in common, did a lot of stuff together, just had a blast. I provided her with a comfortable place to live where all her stress and anxieties were gone. Her family and friends all told her how lucky she was to have me. Well in October I went through some depression and stress from work. She also went back to work as a waitress. We werenā€™t spending as much time together. So I was putting in extra effort to find new and exciting ways to keep the relationship fresh. She was tired a lot. But she was happy. My mind was filled with confusion though. I was having some ptsd from past relationships. She wasnā€™t an affectionate person to begin with, she showed it other ways. My stress from work combined with all this going on caused arguments and I said things I didnā€™t mean. In November she moved back with her dad to give us time apart but left all her belongings at the house. I tried everything to get her back home because her dads was not a healthy living situation. On December 8th we finally had the talk, she said we werenā€™t together right now and that she needed some time to figure things out for herself. She took accountability for somethings she did wrong in the relationship. We kept in touch here and there, I did small favors for her. (She doesnā€™t drive health reasons) well in January I found out she was seeing a guy she works with, a dishwasher who is completely opposite of me. We got into it and made upā€¦ I finally took her belongings to her moms where they would be safe. We kept in touch still, even had dinner once and then I said Iā€™m going to back off and let her figure things out on her own and Iā€™m gonna concentrate on myself. She always said she never ruled us out getting back together and didnā€™t know what the future holds. Her mom told me that she said that she thinks about getting back with me all the time but the time isnā€™t right because she needs to figure stuff out for herself. Her friend told me she was sad after the break up and said she did it to find herself. Sheā€™s not speaking to anyone about this guy, not her mom or anyone. Not posting about him or nothing. The door I guess is open for us. Iā€™m just in NC and focusing on my self. Iā€™ve always been a good provider for her and have a lot to offer her. Her mother wants nothing to do with this new guy and has no desire to even met him. Any thoughts? Sheā€™s also the type to completely tell a guy to eff off whenā€™s she done with them, but she didnā€™t do that to me and her people are telling me itā€™s because she knows what she has with me and I changed her. She just need time to figure herself out and this guy isnā€™t anything serious and for me to just let it play out.

    Reply
    • Hi Mrhope.

      Always question what it is she needs to figure out. If she needs to figure out whether you’re worth being with, she doesn’t deserve to be with you. She’s thinking of giving other guys a chance, so you must give her the boot. To me, she seems detached and selfish. She wants to make sure that she doesn’t settle too quickly – before she finds the best guy for her. Clearly, she thinks way too highly of herself and needs to bring down her ego.

      The best advice I can give you is to cut her off. A person who loves you doesn’t need to figure anything out. She stays committed because she has the right relationship mentality and actually appreciates you.

      Best regards,
      Zan

      Reply

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