The best way to make your ex regret breaking up with you is to give her something she will regret.
Since your ex is often trying desperately to make you look as bad as possible, your objective is quite the opposite. Instead of engaging in some sort of post-breakup war with your ex, do the unexpected.
When your mutual friends or people that know your ex talk and ask you questions about her, concisely reply in a positive manner.
Even if you know your ex is trash-talking you and spreading negative rumors about you, ignore her provocations and remain a person of high value.
When you are forced to talk about her, briefly mention a few positive things. Just say something like, “The breakup happened for a good reason. I hope she’s doing well.”
In doing so, you refuse to lower yourself on her level and make her think twice about insulting you again. Trust me, your friends will tell your ex what you said about her.
In this article, we’ll talk about how to make your ex regret breaking up with you.
How to make your ex regret breaking up with you?
After you’ve been broken up with, you should have one important goal
Your ex will not regret breaking up with you if the reasons for the breakup haven’t been resolved.
Even if she does get back with you, you are just going to break up again shortly after. It’s very easy to fall back into the same routines and patterns—especially when your trigger points haven’t been fixed.
That’s why it’s so important to work on the things you can control, such as your shortcomings and other parts of your life.
Do your best to:
- expand your social circle
- improve finances
- discover new activities
- learn relationship skills
- become more independent
- get healthier
- become smarter
- …
To make your ex regret breaking up with you, the best thing you can do is to live well.
This means you must find happiness on your own again and show your ex the new and improved you.
The key to making your ex regret breaking up with you is to show her you’re thriving without her.
So get busy with the activities you previously couldn’t or didn’t have the time to do.
Put your heart into it and your ex will surely notice your enthusiasm.
You see, your ex-partner wants to be inspired by you. So the best way for her to feel attracted is to show her the personal improvements you’ve been able to make on your own.
To put it simply—to make her regret breaking up with you, you have to think about the state your ex left you in and improve yourself tremendously.
I know you’re already amazing just the way you are. But for your ex to feel more towards you, she has to see you change.
You attracted your ex before and you certainly can do it again—provided you take self-improvement seriously.
So become the person your ex will regret dumping.
People change and improve very slowly on a daily basis. Imagine how much you can change if you actually try.
Zan
Honestly, if you diligently work on yourself, and I really mean work on yourself to the point where you become unrecognizable to yourself, your ex will definitely notice the changes you’ve made.
What if your ex doesn’t care about your improvements?
If your ex refuses to acknowledge all the things you’ve done for yourself, it shouldn’t matter to you anyway.
By the time you’ve improved yourself, I guarantee, you won’t need your ex back.
You will be so content with the new life you’ve created for yourself that your ex’s rejection won’t matter anymore.
You will have gained the strength to leave your past mistakes buried in the past and won’t blame yourself for the person you were.
As an improved dumpee, you simply won’t associate yourself with your past demeanor.
Soon, you will realize your worth and come to an understanding that being depressed over someone who refuses to see the good in you is a waste of time and emotions.
I sincerely hope you reach that state of happiness very soon so that you
So how to make your ex regret breaking up with you?
Here are a few things you can actually do to make your ex regret breaking up with you.
For starters, you should post your accomplishments on social media.
Do this in a normal, believable, frequent manner so that it doesn’t seem like you’re showing off.
You want to post the biggest things you’ve been working on, the places you visited and the new people you’ve been hanging out with.
This is important as it conveys the message that you’re moving on and living your life to the fullest. Your ex expects you to be home every day, crying over her, so prove her otherwise.
Don’t feed her ego by telling her how important she is to you. She doesn’t need to know all the things you’d do for her.
Breakups are completely different from what you see on the television.
On the screen, people chase after one another to the other side of the planet.
But In reality, you should do quite the opposite. You should pull away because you’ll create more attraction that way.
There is only one way to get anybody to do anything. And that is by making the other person want to do it.
Dale Carnegie
That’s why your ex will regret breaking up with you if she sees that you are happy without her. She will be envious when she sees you happy, so make it seem like she’s missing out on a lot of fun.
Suddenly, your ex will be the one wondering how you managed to get back on your feet so quickly.
She will also wonder if there is someone else in the picture. Once she starts ruminating about these things, it’s only a matter of time before you receive a message from her.
The best revenge in life is
She will then seek your attention and validation, so make sure you don’t provide any/very little.
You want to keep her hungry, but not completely starving.
It’s only a matter of time before your ex hits a rough patch, so keep your head up and stay strong.
Let her deal with life issues on her own as she chose to do so. She will regret breaking up with you if you let her go as soon as the breakup occurs.
So show her, you need her less than she needs you.
When your ex’s newness of the single life runs off, she will revert back into the person she was before.
Her life will have slowed down and that’s when she might decide to see what you’re up to.
If you’ve been doing everything correctly, your ex will become very envious of your success and might begin to think she was the one holding you back.
I’m not saying you should party hard like an animal while you’re in no contact, but do push your life in a new direction.
Months and years down the line, you will look back and see it was the best decision you’ve ever made.
Does your ex regret breaking up with you? Share your thoughts/story below.
Respect people’s no when they dump you. The reason could easily be that there wasn’t a connection, that you did something hurtful to them, or anything valid. Not all dumpers are mean spirited and deserving of such trash talk, Zan. Sometimes it’s best to leave, especially if the relationship is toxic. Take this from someone who feels GUILTY when she dumps abusive men. Such a victim mentality. You are right though, self-improvement is never a bad idea in any context.
Abuse is an issue that is entirely separate from someone who dumps the one they claim to love simply because they believe the grass is greener on the other side. Nobody should stay in an abusive relationship, but someone who dumps you instead of working to make a good relationship great isn’t someone who deserves a whole lot of respect.
Hi Zan
Thanks for all your help …. lol I think i needed the mental help last year due to all those anxious thoughts and anxiety and lack of sleep and stress and no hunger and just no want to do anything ‘happy’ – post break up. You not forcing yourself not to go out – it’s part of the stages of your dumpee as you point out. I’m in a much stronger and better headspace now 😉 tho ofCrs special occasions like bdays and anniversaries always are hard to deal with naturally.
It’s funny he always claimed I’m more stronger and better fit ‘emotionally’ than him and he had / has no doubt I’d ‘be ok and make it thru’ – I know he needs to do more soul searching but it’s almost as if before the break up for a year he claims he was – he was thinking deeply about how unhappy he was and how life is too short and yes he wants to be selfish for him but also fair to me – he keeps saying he did wot was right – to end our marriage so that he can ‘make himself right’ coz he’s messed up from the lies he told everyone and hurt it and causing him over the years and ofCrs so ‘that he can let me be free so I can go find the right man who can love me for me’ – it’s so noble and selfless of him coz he honestly believes it.
So sometimes while he finds relief I think he honestly feels at peace coz he feels he’s genuinely did wot was right unlike other men who stick it out and lie to their wives for the sake of ‘social show’ and to ‘stay for kids’ and then then they go out out drowning their sorrows away by having affairs, drinking or gambling.
So for now I think he feels at peace – I don’t think he feels any sadness from having detached from me. He chose to unlove me. So that’s that I guess. So as you would say I can either sit and continue to pine or just go live my life coz he’s going to live his irrespective of whether I’m happy or not. He has such messed up notions he keeps saying if he knows I know it’s over and we not getting back he’ll be my friend – right now the space is coz he doesn’t want to be friendly/ hang out / go out as co parents with our kids and then I get my hopes all up that he enjoys hanging out with me.
So provided I can show I have and don’t ‘care for him’ he’s happy to be engaging with me. I know some experts say that’s one sneaky back door way to use that to get your ex back but based on what you say you feel I should never take him back unless I show ‘Iv dumped him’ and show I don’t want him anymore – so if he then wants to fight for me – it will force him to want to sort out the issues and his role / part in the failure in order to start a new relationship and not let us make same mistakes / have same issues.
Is this your point?
Thanks
Hi Ruby!
Anniversaries are often the triggers to relive things from the past. It’s funny how our mind always remembers the good things, and makes us feel good about them. Then we come back to reality just to find out we no longer have them. This sudden shift from good to bad causes great anxiety, making us feel worse than ever.
Break-ups are tough, so I really pitty anyone going through a hard time. Having emotional strength depends on our upbringing, as well as how much cr*p we go through in our lives. Dumpers don’t experience such powerful emotions, because of everything else they are feeling. They feel positive emotions when they break up with you. When we insist and beg and beg, they can quickly shift from being happy to annoyed. Dumpees on the other hand are depressed because they have been left behind, so they want to make themselves feel better by getting back with an ex. Dumpers and dumpees have different types of feelings, wants and needs. As you know, a sad person does not attract a happy one. You who want your ex so badly, cannot attract him when he wants to run away. You both have to want the same thing to get the same.
It’s hard to know what your ex feels, and we don’t need to know anyway. In a way, it’s good it happened now, so you still have a chance to find the person who will appreciate you. He said he wasn’t attracted to you, and you must respect that. No matter what the real reason is, you’ve heard the message loud and clear – it’s not working for him, so it’s time to pack your things and leave. He can now go drink and gamble and waste his life if he wants to. You have to realize he is the one missing out on you, and not the other way around. You are the one who provided peace and comfort, and he was there just to take it. If he doesn’t appreciate you, then you must appreciate yourself. Acknowledge your good points, and really believe in them. You fought, you loved, you gave it your all. Now that he’s gone, you can give more of those things to yourself. Don’t deny yourself the love you so badly deserve.
Staying friends with him won’t work for either of you right now. Not until you are completely over each other. You can’t make him happy right now, and neither can he. You both want different things, so it’s best you don’t see each other for a while.
If he comes back, he has to start investing again. So when he comes back and just sits on the couch, he doesn’t do anything to show his desire for change. He has to want to give to the relationship, and the best way for him to do that is by making him work hard for it. As you know, people take for granted things that are given to them. Hopefully during the time apart, he will have worked on the issues that got in the way of your relationship. Unless he consciously decides to fix that part of him, he will have to wait for a golden opportunity from life to force him to act.
Kind regards,
Zan
Hi Zan
Ok point of friends do you mean I need to get over him coz clearly he’s over me? So then ito wot he said to me he can and only will be friends and friends only work when we both over each other? Coz then he’s happy to be just plutonic ?
So we must get over each other so that when we friends – we know we don’t owe each other anything and then being friends does work ? And then if we ever get re attracted to one another a new relationship forms on that basis?
Hi.
Whether he’s over you is irrelevant, but let’s assume he is. I’m saying you being friends with him will only work when you want to be just friends with him. Attraction can develop again later, under the condition that you’ve paved the foundation first. Being over each other is not so bad. When you are in that state, you are also your best self. Your non-needy self is attractive. Add the work you’ve done post break-up on top of that, and you have an amazing person.
Yes, being friends works only when you are over each other. If you then get re-attracted, he would acknowledge the work you’ve done by associating positive emotions to the new you. For this to happen, it takes time.
We talked about him a lot, but it really all starts with your personal transformation. Without that new you, there is no new functional relationship.
Zan
Ito people wanting what they can’t have I don’t totally agree with you – I feel people will want what they value – since he doesn’t value me I think me just ‘disappearing out of his life’ and me being happy may make him feel relief coz he’ll feel ‘I’m ok’ and not make him have to feel guilty when he looks at me – his walls are up coz he feels he can’t be around me coz he knows I love him and he can’t give me wot I want.
Also you mention above they (the dumper) will look at us (dumpee) all happy post break up and feel they were holding us back … doesn’t that mean if they selfless they will think ‘ok she’s better off without me and i don’t want to hold her back – she did worse with me so I won’t try to get her back?’
I get that I have to give him wot HE wants which is as you say – to disappear and make him realize he lost me – whether that brings him back or not I shouldn’t worry about that either coz all I should do is focus on me and my growth and my improvement – and then if he ever considers me again I’ll consider it at that point and if he doesn’t I’m still happy anyways.
I guess this is your overall points you trying to get across to us dumpees 😔?
Hi Ruby.
It’s a part of us to always chase after things that are hard/impossible to obtain. Without going too much into detail, try researching the subject, and let me know what you think, if you’d like. It’s okay if you disagree, I just want to hear your opinion. You’re absolutely right about people wanting what they value. That’s a given right? To put it simply, we must take actions that benefit our lives.
Him breaking-up with you made him feel relief, and so will leaving him alone. That’s a good thing, Ruby. Trying to make a person feel guilty is a double-edged sword. When you try to make another person feel this negative emotion to get what you want, you will realize it almost never works. It’s not a long-lasting motivator to use in your case. Or any for that matter. Avoid guilt at all cost, as it’s going to make him run away even further. Guilt traps people for a moment. Once they digest the emotions that come with it, they break free, and associate them with you for making them feel that way. It’s adding more fuel to the fire. I hope this makes sense. You telling him, “what are the kids going to think about you? They need you more than ever!” is going to have the opposite of the desired effect.
I want you to understand that by focusing on your own happiness, you are killing two birds with one stone. Not only are you moving on, but your ex is also happy about leaving him alone. Doing so sets the foundation for the next step to take place. All of this is absolutely crucial to getting your ex back. Now that you are happy as a clam, your ex has to go through hell. When he’s in a dark place, and you shine like an angel in the sky, you are looked upon as the saviour. I’ve told you before that happiness is contagious, and this is when you can shift the scale in your favour. Like you know, it’s not about when you are ready, but when he is.
I want dumpees to worry about themselves, and get out of the hope-zone. All that matters is your own well-being. Trust me on this one. If you have any other suggestions to make him come back for round two, other than making him feel guilty or showing him that you are unhappy, I’d love to hear about them!
Zan
Hi Zan
Ito of chasing after what we want that are hard to get – while I agree to some extent that may apply to things we aspire towards I don’t think it’s entirely correct (with people) especially if they feel negatively towards you.
In other words while I agree about the other concepts you raised (ie all the points about finding your own happiness etc and doing radio silence so you can heal and worry about yourself), I don’t think that this will necessarily lead to your ex to ‘desire you coz you played hard to get’ and coz you not around. I believe once you do good, change the bad stuff and become best version of you – you have a hopefully by this point for them to neutrality about you.
Then once you show them there’s positive interactions between the two of you, then it’s a given they will see you differently and start to desire you as they value you now and the interactions you bring to the table. The sad part is now the dumpers feel the dumpee brings no benefit to their lives only sadness and negativity and anger and oppression so they decide to leave because of the relief it brings 😔.
Your guilt story note above makes so much sense – I already feel coz he stayed before so many years out of guilt, harboring these feelings and poker facing it it’s coz now he broken free, even tho I didn’t ‘guilt him all those years ago’ (coz to me we were living our day to day), this is why all the pent up years of resentment and negative associations towards me- be does blame himself for that but unfortunately I am still the target of those feelings even tho I had nothing about ever forcing him to stay all those years ago (he just did it silently until he finally had the courage to own his stuff and wake up and tell me – by then it was too late and I was confused and therapy wasn’t going to work then 😔).
Thanks for the important note about setting the foundation. Why do the ex’s have to go through hell when we happy? Haven’t they made themselves happy by now as well? So you saying when we happy then we ready and all we have to wait for is when he is ready to admit he’s still unhappy and he looks to us as savior ?
I do trust you on getting out of hope zone 😔 as hard as it is … we just need to stop being attached to outcomes or them. I do agree cannot convince someone to come back by guilt-tripping them or showing them your life fell apart and you wallowing and sooo unhappy wout them. Can’t possibly ever work.
Hey Ruby.
You are absolutely right that dumpers don’t chase after that which they don’t want. For that to happen, exes must first no longer have you in their reach, go from hating your guts -> not wanting you -> feeling indifferent towards you -> becoming curious -> become inspired, attracted, etc. It all has to happen in certain stages when exes are truly done with dumpees. I skipped many stages, but that’s just an example. You get the idea.
Finding your own happiness is the way to go. Whether he comes back or not, it’s what you should do. He will not think to himself, “oh look, she’s so happy now. Hooray for her.”
Positivity, confidence, not needing him, joking, laughing, smiling, enjoying life, dating, doing new activities, making new friends, learning more about yourself, doing selfless deeds, getting in shape, getting a better job, destroying bad personality traits, getting out of depression, and being the best you can be is what’s going to make him want you. Honestly, if you achieved half these things, you wouldn’t even think about him. You’d be too preoccupied with yourself, and wouldn’t so eagerly give your attention to a person who deserves it the least.
When you are becoming this amazing person by focusing so hard on creating the life you want, your ex is staying where he is. You better yourself, so he looks at you in awe for what you were able to achieve. When he sees your personal growth, he can’t resist to wonder why. Was it him, or is it someone else?
Exes expect the single life to be better. They will enter a new relationship sometimes, just to find out it’s not as great as it seems.
It’s not about your ex any more. It’s all about you Ruby. Not about what he thinks, feels, wants, has… It’s about you, and what you are willing to do to make your life as great as you want it to be. Take this opportunity to become the best version of yourself, and I guarantee you that once you improve, you will no longer need him back.
Zan
Thanks Zan
Reading your replies always lays my fears to rest …. I guess it’s a good thing then that if he is doing what I’m doing (as he claims trying to move on and Improve then it’s a good thing we both doing it (tho I doubt he is I think he’s following stages of the dumper as you point out in your dumper stages article).
I think I’m ahead of him ito my development coz he still blames me for stuff and is still getting thru his own coming to terms with what he did (end his marriage break my heart hurt our families and our kids). I think he’s yet to discover that his happiness didn’t hinge on our marriage – which is why he thinks it must be – I think it had to do with his own issues of why he couldn’t be happy on his own and by himself and I know his leaving while is hurtful is him trying to figure his life out which as you said before is an attractive decision to me coz it’s so courageous but also hurtful at same time coz it impacts me and our family 🙁
Could you please respond to my other question under ‘how to get over a break up?’
Thanks 🙂
Hi Ruby.
I’m glad my replies have such a big impact on your mental health. Please keep doing what you are doing to feel happy again.
Even if your ex is improving, he is not anywhere as close to you as you want him to be. Dumpers don’t have the drive to keep them going long enough. That’s the reason I would advise people from getting back together with their exes. People need a stronger motivator to make a long-lasting change. That said, if your ex comes back, he has to become the dumpee to make the changes necessary for a restart of a new relationship. Your ex is following the stages of a break up, whether he wants to or not.
Right now, he has a lot of soul-searching to do, and find out what matters to him the most. Time and life experience will help him realize that.
People’s always like to blame others for their own problems. It’s a self-defence mechanism to push the responsibility on someone else, whilst making himself look better.
Stay strong!
I will reply to the other comment shortly.
Zan
Hey Ruby.
In this modern age, your ex too can feel sad and depressed. When he goes through something challenging, and is on his knees, that’s when he would try to make himself feel better (just the way you are) no matter what. He has to go through hell to want to help himself when he is feeling miserable. When and if that happens, he will seek help from a strong individual, not somebody who is on his knees on the floor next to him. Theoretically, he could seek anybody’s help, but he will definitely feel more attracted towards people with high self-esteem.
He might never find happiness and hit rock bottom, or he might be happy now, and become sad later. That is something to count on. He most likely won’t have a sudden epiphany that he must get together just like that. Do you remember when I said that people act out of fear and selfishness? So will you ex, provided you leave him completely alone. When he feels threatend and his ego takes a toll, he will seek shelter. Everybody has ups and downs, including your stubborn, self-conceited ex.
When therapy isn’t an option, your ex has to want to help himself on his own. If he comes back, you can always drag his butt there. 🙂
Don’t worry about his associations with you right now. His unresolved emotions are for him to deal with. Because of his inability to communicate properly, he bottled his frustrations. Now that it’s finally over, he is feeling relief. You can’t blame yourself for the way a person feels. Especially when you wanted to make his life better by giving him your all.
Zan
Hi Zan
I owe you a mail:). Things have been so hectic my side and you know I never even saw this last response of yours back then. Needless to say when I read it, i always feel a sense of hope and calm and lack of self doubt.
As if when I used to share who I am with him and he’d just say I’m talking nonsense or know nothing or have ‘so much to learn’ still coz I keep thinking my point of view is the only view. The problem is while I accept his view as you say, all a dumpee is doing is wanting the dumper to hear the dumpees thoughts and views. The dumpee sees this as a say to convince them or argue your way to get them back. Almost surely it backfires.
I used to think he’s so emotionally intelligent he’ll get it and then I’d see this horrible turnaround stranger who wasn’t getting or listening to what I was saying – and he won’t – probably not now or perhaps never? Who knows?
Why do you say he may be happy now but I can count on him being sad later? The reason I ask is coz he keeps saying he’s happy and at peace and a good place now and I always feel I think it will also be short-lived.
But maybe I’m wishing the worse for him – maybe I want it to be short lived so he can realize what he lost. But sadly as much as I’d lile that and as much fear and anxiety I have he may be truly happy wout me, it’s a reality I may need to face:(
So you think his ego will take a toll when I completely leave him alone? Because he’ll be acting out of fear and selfishness? I guess time can only tell on that! As for seeking shelter it’s possible he won’t come back seeking it from me but from someone else :(. Again that’s a truth and possibility I may have to accept:(
You right for so so long I blamed myself for his emotions and feelings – I felt I must have been this horrible person to cause him to feel this way. But he also had a responsibility to nurture and take care of our marriage coz that’s wot commitment stands for – and if he let it get too late then already he doesn’t understand the meaning of that word – sure I didn’t place importance on it either but you right as soon as I knew he was unhappy and distancing I was willing to give it my all because that was my vow to him. If at all if I’m saying I’m here loving you at least give me the benefit of the doubt that I’m here to hear your issues out and not hurt you again if I did so in the past.
But iv accepted he has a warped view of me and nothing will change it – not until he changes his lens through which he views me from – and that will only come from life experience or other people or other relationships telling it to him like it is because he thinks he was saint with me and had no flaws and he gave selflessly and all I did was take and take.
I get that was his experience but he wasn’t willing to consider how my experience of him was – ever. Never once bothered asking me coz he’s told the version of events in his head and that’s wot he believes – who knows? Perhaps to justify his leaving he had to paint an awful image of me – and it’s also to avoid facing his own demons and mistakes he made too.
Thanks so much 🙏
Hey Ruby.
I haven’t forgotten about you. You seem to be in a better place now.
You’re right that in his eyes, you are to be blamed for everything. It’s the victim mentality, preventing him from even considering for a second that he may have been at fault too. He chose to direct his anger towards you, and you must blatantly accept it to justify his emotions. As crazy as it sounds, he doesn’t care about yours. He doesn’t want to listen to you because he feels it’s over. As long as you two were in a committed relationship, you had the chance to listen to each other and work on your disagreements. Now that there is no relationship, it’s tough to change his mind. All this pent-up resentment is toxic to both of you, so you don’t have any other choice apart from leaving him alone. You can and should only fight when you are together. Once that’s no longer the case, it’s time for a cooling-off period. If he’s every going to come back, it’s likely going to be after these phases; anger, avoidance and relief, forgetting about you (this is important), sadness (from life experiences as you say), regret and looking for comfort.
Now that he views you in a certain way, it’s hard to change that perception. As long as he’s not willing to, anyway. Unfortunately it’s he who has work to do, so that he may see you in a better light, as there is nothing you can do. He is not willing to give you a chance to change his mind even a little bit. It’s as if he wants to believe he’s right so badly, he will do anything to keep you the way he wants to remember you. This can only change if he goes through the above-mentioned phases. His susceptibility of you as a person cannot change before you create the distance and keep it that way for as long as necessary.
Zan