When Do Dumpers Realize They Made A Mistake?

Dumpers realize they made a mistake when they distance themselves from problems, grow, or make some kind of mistake. Mistakes (especially big and painful ones) oftentimes force them to open their eyes and allow them to see that the life they had wasn’t all that bad.

It had its good points that they couldn’t see or appreciate while they were with their ex. They were too busy focusing on the negative things.

Sadly, not all dumpers realize they made a mistake. Some dumpers never do. They have a victim mentality and lack the ability, desire, and willpower to reflect and admit fault. Instead of admitting guilt, they hold onto anger for power and deny any wrongdoing.

Doing so allows them to remain prideful and stay in control of their emotions and the breakup.

There are two ways dumpers can realize they made a mistake. They can willingly reflect and see that their ex was a good partner for them. Or, they can get hurt and forcefully change their mind about their ex.

Either method works. But the latter one is much more common and likely to work because people are emotional beings and tend to follow their hearts. If they feel repulsed, they run away from their ex and into the arms of someone else.

And if they feel down, anxious, or depressed, they tend to ask for help (validation) from people they’re familiar with. Familiar people tend to be exes as they had already established a connection with dumpers and provided them with plenty of support in the past.

Exes make dumpers feel understood and cared for. They indirectly encourage them to open up about their problems and give them what they need to cope with the issues at hand.

I wish you could say or do something to make your dumper ex realize he or she has made a mistake, but, unfortunately, your effort doesn’t help. It actually makes things worse because it conveys to your ex that you haven’t accepted the breakup yet and that you want him or her to follow your lead and do what you want.

That is unlikely to work because as long as your ex is convinced that you needed to break up, your ex will reject your ideas, suggestions, demands, and manipulation tactics—and lose respect for you. You simply can’t tell your ex or even sneakily drop hints that he or she has made a mistake in dumping you.

Any attempt to change your ex’s mind about you will only annoy, smother, and guilt-trip your ex and increase the emotional distance between you and your ex.

So instead of begging and pleading and reasoning with your ex, let your ex go through the breakup stages naturally. Give him or her the space to process things and learn more about breakups.

When you detach and discover that breakups aren’t relationships, you’ll emotionally understand that dumpers realize they made a mistake when they make similar mistakes or when they repeat the same mistakes with someone else.

(Romantic) failures tend to shock and scare dumpers and make them lower their ego and pride. Consequently, fear and pain then evoke nostalgia and a desire for comfort, security, peace, and well-being.

In this post, we answer the question of when dumpers realize they made a mistake. We also talk about what you can do to present yourself as a valuable individual.

When do dumpers realize they made a mistake?

Dumpers shouldn’t be asking themselves how long it will take their ex to realize that he or she has made a mistake. If they think their ex’s return is a matter of when not if, they expect their ex to return when the time is right.

They think their ex will surely come back to them and that they needn’t change, improve, and move on. That kind of thinking can be very dangerous for dumpees. Not only does it prevent them from growing in ways that they need to, but it also leaves them dependent on their ex for recognition.

It makes them look for signs their ex wants them back and keeps them waiting longer than they should wait for someone who abandoned them.

I know it’s hard to let go of a person you love. I know it’s the worst feeling in the world. But if you wait for your ex to realize that he or she has made a mistake, you’ll be wasting your life. You’ll be staying dependent on your ex for validation.

So even though you may really want to be with your ex, do your best to accept the breakup and realize that your ex didn’t just make a mistake.

He or she had thought long and hard before he or she decided to leave you. That’s why your ex will need to make a premeditated decision this time too. Your ex will need to realize that leaving you didn’t improve his or her happiness, but rather, that it made it worse.

For your ex to see that he or she made a wrong decision, your ex will need to feel the true weight of his or her actions. He or she will need to feel your absence and suffer immensely.

Without pain, there likely won’t be any room for self-reflection and regret. The most there will be is a desire for friendship or acquaintanceship.

So bear in mind that dumpers realize they made a mistake when something bad happens to them and hurts them. That’s when they have an epiphany and may decide to speak with you and get what they need from you.

They usually need:

• understanding
• emotional support
• validation
• unconditional love
• forgiveness

The sooner they get these things from you, the sooner they can ease their pain and put their problems behind them.

If you want your ex back, your best bet is to wait for something complicated and painful to happen to your ex. Something that your ex can’t resolve on his or her own and needs your help with.

Your ex, could, of course, ask friends and family for help, but they don’t make your ex feel the same way as romantic or previous romantic partners. Romantic support is different from friendships and family as it doesn’t give your ex recognition and the kind of support he or she is looking for.

A wounded ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend is desperate for love and may contact you to get back with you.

Here’s when dumpers realize they made a mistake.

Now that you know that usually, something must go terribly wrong for dumpers to realize they made a mistake, you also need to understand that holding onto hope is both a good and a bad thing. It’s good because it gives you strength to cope with the breakup blues, and it’s bad because it prevents you from accepting reality and moving on from your life.

It strongly depends on how you feel.

If you feel good and don’t stress about what your ex is thinking, feeling, and doing, hope is counterproductive as it keeps your ex in your system longer than necessary.

But if you feel that you’ve lost control over your mind and experience suicidal thoughts, a little bit of hope that everything will work out fine can keep you from inflicting pain on yourself.

You need to learn when to be hopeful and when to be as hopeless as possible. Right after the breakup, you’ll only look for hope because hope will empower you and keep you from going insane.

But as time goes by, you’ll start to feel that hope is fading away. You won’t like the feeling that your ex might never come back, but that’s exactly the kind of feeling you need to embrace and get used to. It will help you wean off your ex-addiction and show you that you’re self-sufficient and capable of enjoying your life without your ex.

What if your ex doesn’t realize he/she made a mistake?

The dumpee always wins whether the dumper comes back or never looks back. The dumpee eventually detaches from the dumper and finds his or her own strength and purpose in life. He or she stops relying on the dumper for validation and also stops caring about the dumper.

Care and a desire for affection are contingent on the dumpee’s attachment to the dumper. That’s why the moment the dumpee heals, it’s game over for the dumper.

The dumper stops being of any value to the dumpee, hence why the dumpee often ignores, blocks, or gets angry with the dumper for breadcrumbing and/or confusing him or her.

You probably aren’t over your ex yet, so you’re not quite hopeless and done with your ex just yet. You still want your ex to realize you’ve changed/improved and that you bring a lot to the table.

The problem isn’t about what you can and would do if you got another chance. It’s about your ex’s understanding of you and your ex’s ability to forgive, forget, and change the way he or she perceives you.

As your ex is, your ex prefers to hold onto the past. Viewing you as the wrongdoer justifies your ex’s reasons for leaving, misbehaving, and/or causing you pain. The more excuses your ex comes up with, the easier it is for your ex to forgive himself/herself and think of the breakup as fate.

It’s not your job to object to the breakup. It’s not your responsibility to explain how you see things and attempt to persuade your ex to think and feel the way you do. If you do that, you’ll probably receive a very negative response from your ex and get rejected again.

That rejection will obviously devastate you, but it will also make your ex feel repulsed and more determined to stay away from you.

That’s why you need to understand that it’s not your loss if your ex never realizes your worth and regrets leaving you. It’s your ex’s because your ex fabricated the story. He or she took parts of your personality and made it look and feel worse than it is.

This is how your ex slowly lost feelings and decided you weren’t compatible as romantic partners.

Whether your ex did that deliberately or through neglect or self-neglect doesn’t matter. The truth is that your ex stopped valuing you and started craving alone time. A person like that might not be capable of realizing he or she has made a mistake. He or she might instead continue to blame you and think poorly of you.

For those reasons, it might be better to keep moving forward and acting as if you’ll never hear from your ex again. Anxiety and hope will make it extremely difficult for you to do that, but if you start acting that way, it’s only a matter of time before you start feeling that way too.

And when you do, you’ll regain your lost happiness and power and feel complete again.

But when do dumpers realize they made a mistake?

Dumpers can realize they made a mistake on the day of the breakup or decades later. The sooner they realize they made a mistake, the smaller the chance that they’ve had an epiphany and that they’ve had it for the right reasons.

Those dumpers who come back the same day or the next day have the smallest chance of staying with their ex because they normally come back out of guilt, shame, or some other insignificant and temporary emotion.

Whatever that emotion is, it’s not good enough for them to stay committed. It doesn’t make them regret leaving because once they stop feeling that emotion, they often face the same problems and lose feelings.

Dumpers with the highest chance of coming back and staying committed long-term normally come back months or years after the breakup. Such dumpers take time to explore their life and realize that their ex is still the best romantic option for them.

As a result, they come back with renewed determination, respect, and zeal—and do much better.

So if you’re going to keep hoping that your ex comes back, hope that your ex comes back later rather than sooner. You don’t want your ex to come back out of pity and leave when he or she stops pitying you. You want your ex to redevelop feelings and put blood, sweat, and tears into the relationship.

From what I see, dumpers come back the most often right after the breakup, 3-4 months after breaking up (when they process the breakup), or years later after they’ve failed romantically with some other person. You mustn’t wait for them or you could stay dependent on them and scare them away when they decide to check up on you.

When do you think regret hits dumpers? Ask questions and let us know what you think in the comments below.

And finally, if you wish to further discuss when dumpers become regretful, get in touch with us via our breakup coaching program.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Learn more about me or get in touch today.