It’s mysteriously eerie that exes come back when you moved on and possibly don’t want them back anymore.
When they come back, starved and eager for validation, you will have likely gone through the 5 stages of a breakup for the dumpee already and feel very relieved your mental suffering is finally over.
Your brain will be telling you to step away from that which caused you emotional anguish and advise you to prepare for better opportunities.
No longer will you be obsessed with the past relationship that doesn’t serve you positively in any way, shape or form.
Instead, you will become strongly reliant on yourself for your own happiness, and not on your ex.
In this article, we’ll talk about exes coming back when you’ve moved on.
If you choose to move on, your ex will become a thing from the past. He or she will no longer plague your anxious mind and burden you with unnecessary ex-back obsession.
You will instead become happy with just yourself and the life you’ve managed to create since the breakup.
Provided you truly worked on yourself and did some proper soul-searching, your ex coming back to you after you’ve moved on will have felt like rebuilding a broken wooden bridge.
You will know you must rebuild the foundation with your ex from scratch and replace it with new healthy habits.
If your ex comes back, you will also hope that his or her skills and the determination to make your relationship work last longer than last time.
These are all unnecessary worries caused by doubt and a lack of security caused by the breakup.
Since people learn from their past mistakes and their unfortunate traumatic experiences, you could become excessively anxious about your ex’s true intentions.
High levels of uncertainty could torment your mind like the bubonic plague. That’s why it’s very important you put your detective hat on and get down to the bottom of your ex’s return.
The first thing you need to ask yourself is, “Has my ex come back when I moved on because he or she experienced immense grief?”
Once you’ve identified that your ex hasn’t had his or her heart broken or hasn’t come back for the wrong reasons, it’s time you do even more research.
Ask yourself, “Has my ex come back because he or she truly wants to make the relationship work? What has changed since the breakup?“
It’s time for you to dig deeper and find out what your ex really wants.
You really don’t want your ex to come back when you’ve finally moved on (or haven’t yet) and steal your happiness. Your ex could leave again the moment you give it to him or her, so don’t take this step lightly!
When do exes come back?
The time it takes to get over a breakup is the time when exes come back. Since we all process breakups differently, it takes some people longer than others.
Now, we’re not saying that exes come back when you moved on and only because of that.
Far from that.
Exes come back when you moved on, no longer care about them, live an independent, happy life and can’t care less if they are alone or with someone else.
This is such a strong state of mind to be in. It basically means you’re attracting your ex back with the law of attraction.
If you really think about it, all genuine ex-back guides are based on LOA – law of attraction. This law states that you attract people, things or exes when you have moved on from them.
The reason why LOA works so well is that you’re no longer desperate for whatever it is you wish to attract.
Your very soul doesn’t crave your ex like he or she is the only thing that matters in your life. Instead, it permits everyone and everything to go their own way.
This applies to your ex as well.
He or she wishes to be free and independent, so you must provide your ex with freedom.
By doing so, you will subconsciously tell your ex that you want him or her to be happy and independent.
When you do that, you begin to heal and so does your ex.
When I say your ex begins to heal, I don’t mean that he or she sits at home and cries all day. You may be doing that, but not your ex.
Your ex heals by exploring the world and absorbing life lessons in any possible way.
I know it may be hard for you to allow your ex to be free so here’s a little something to remember when you’re struggling.
Please remember that whichever path your ex chooses to go on is not your concern. And whatever action he or she takes, you cannot change.
The most you can do to anyone in your life regardless of their status is to influence them. Changing people is not and never has been in your and any person’s control.
So if you want to make your ex happy, allow him or her to roam freely. You are promoting freedom and independence, after all.
That’s why the law of allowing is so powerful when it comes to getting your ex back the right way.
You sincerely allow your ex to do as he or she wishes—even if it’s not what you want.
Exes shouldn’t come back if you haven’t moved on!
First of all, I want you to know that I’m on your side with your breakup. I honestly wish everyone could get their ex back and keep them too!
But unfortunately, there are a few underlying obstacles when it comes to exes coming back when dumpees haven’t moved on.
Here’s what they are:
- neediness
- insecurities
- fear of another abandonment
- overattachment due to a recent abandonment
- over-perfectionism and eagerness to make it work
- overanalyzing dumpees’ every word and actions as well as their exes’
These are the most common issues dumpees face when their exes come back and they haven’t moved on properly.
That’s why I can’t emphasize the importance of moving on enough.
You have to start moving on from the day of the breakup till your ex comes back and wants you back— and not a second before.
When your ex finally comes back, you should make him or her work really hard at regaining your trust, love, and respect.
This person already broke up with you once. You will not believe how easy it is to pull the trigger the second time.
To avoid another breakup, you have to show your ex that you won’t accept him or her back again the third time.
Once you’ve done that, make some new relationship rules and let your ex hear everything that bothers you.
When you move on and your ex comes back, you regain the power and control in the relationship.
So don’t hand it over to your ex again or you will be taken advantage of very quickly.
Why do ex-girlfriends come back when you moved on?
The only reason why anyone comes back into your life again when you moved on from them is because you are happy and they are not.
This is the most simplified, yet the most truthful reason I can put down in one sentence.
That’s why I reiterate.
Ex-girlfriends come back when you moved on because they are unhappy and you are glowing the like brightest star in our solar system.
If you consider the fact that people are creatures of habits and needs, you will quickly come to an important realization.
People say and do things that make us feel happy or happier. Anything and everything we do, subconsciously demands a reaction.
This primal validation is what gives meaning to our existence.
Ex-girlfriends are no exception. Exes come back when you moved on to help themselves in whichever way they can.
If they are feeling sad, they seek your attention to make themselves healthy and alive again.
If they are simply bored, they come back for your attention so they can do something with their spare time.
And when exes ask you for advice, opinion or favor, they do so to attain knowledge or special services only you can provide for them.
I hope you understand why people act the way they do now.
My ex-girlfriend is texting me
Everything an ex-girlfriend does is in correlation with the cause and effect.
When your ex-girlfriend texts you, she, in essence, wishes to obtain something from you. It could be to assuage guilt, request forgiveness, obtain validation, respect and entertainment or something along this path.
If you’re wondering, “Why is my ex-girlfriend texting me” I hope you are able to figure it out from the above-mentioned reasons.
Neither I nor anyone else can tell you the exact reason without knowing your situation.
I can, however, tell you that by texting you, your ex-girlfriend wishes to obtain something from you—and that something is up to you to figure out.
If she asks for a favor, she’s texting you to “use” you. When she’s innocently reaching out to you, she’s probably trying to figure out if you hate her and stopped caring about her.
It’s basically a breadcrumb.
From a psychological point of view, everything happens for a reason—even breakups. Something goes wrong and the breakup occurs.
That’s why it’s now up to you to take a step back and figure out what went wrong.
Take my advice and do your best to change the parts of your life you wish to improve.
Why do ex-boyfriends come back when you moved on?
Ex-boyfriends come back when you moved on because they are away from you and things get tough for them. They come back desperate for love and attention to love and be loved.
Love is a very selfish feeling. If you examine its true meaning, you will soon come to a realization that it’s nothing but a desire to receive love.
It makes us feel good to receive attention from our special someone and it hurts when we don’t.
Based on this ideology, we can conclude that human beings seek love to feel good about themselves. And the same applies to your ex-boyfriend.
He comes back when you moved on so he can once again feel good about himself and his existence.
I’m aware that some people may not agree with this concept and insist on love being selfless.
They believe they truly love the person for the way he or she is. I get that, I really do.
I love my romantic partner because of her good qualities too! That doesn’t, however, mean that I don’t feel invigorated, stronger and good about myself when I receive recognition from her.
When I receive love from my partner, I feel worthy of her love and acknowledgment to be her equal partner.
Love is a powerful bonding emotion that brings us closer together.
When we are in love, feelings of happiness are further enhanced with hormones—endorphins released in our brains. Some describe this euphoric feeling similar to morphine—a drug.
This drug essentially makes us incredibly dependent on it whilst we are in a relationship with our loved one. Oxytocin consistently numbs our pain receptors and increases our overall happiness.
When we get broken up with, however, we crave this hormone and suffer from relapse due to the lack of it.
Understanding breakup dynamics
Breakups are not relationships. They are breakups. Although I don’t claim to be wiser than certified professionals, such as doctors and therapists, families with invaluable life experiences and loyal friends, I do think that following their advice will often cultivate bad results.
If relationships are based on love and respect, then we could say that breakups work on push-pull dynamics.
When you are in no contact and in the process of moving on, your ex will be given enough time to process his or her feelings.
As a result, the space between you and the breakup could pull your ex toward you.
But for this to happen, your ex has to go through certain breakup stages first. And when he or she goes through those stages, the time will be right for him or her to make a move.
The time is normally right once your ex:
- Forgets about you
- Experiences life without you
- Dates and falls in love
- Goes through the same or similar experience as you
- Regrets and/or suffers as a result
Everyone processes grief differently, but not so much differently that he or she can avoid it altogether. Right now, your ex can avoid your breakup grief by doing various post-breakup activities that keep him or her busy.
Normally, partying and spending time with friends does the trick.
If you consider the fact that dumpers don’t experience grief right after the breakup, you will understand why it’s so easy for them to stay away from you.
Whilst you’re fighting an onslaught of negative emotions that force you to fall into depression, your ex is empowered with relief and anger.
Anger is a very powerful self-defense mechanism. It may not be the healthiest, but it definitely isn’t “that bad” in comparison with depression.
Just because your ex skipped the grieving stage right after the breakup, doesn’t mean that he or she will skip future phases of grief when he or she experiences difficulties.
What I mean by that is that when the time is right, your ex will reach the stage of neutrality.
And once he or she gets there, it means your ex will enter a state of vulnerability.
Your ex will be neither happy nor sad when he or she gets there. Your ex will merely be put in a mental state where pain and grief are once again possible to experience.
Example of neutrality
Consider it this way. You win a big sum of money and you feel unbelievably ecstatic.
You aren’t sure whether you should buy a house first or to celebrate. Because you have so much money, it keeps you happy, well-fed and everything money can provide.
As time goes on, though, the money you won starts losing its value. You don’t necessarily run out of it, but merely stop feeling excited about it.
You know you have plenty so it makes you slightly less happy whenever you spend it. And as you keep spending it each and every day, you also stop feeling the initial highs you did when you first obtained it.
Eventually, this feeling stops altogether. Just how you don’t necessarily feel overly excited when you buy your favorite cereal, the same can be said about having big sums of money.
And just how being rich stops making you feel great about spending money, the same thing will happen to your ex’s initial happiness and excitement to be single or in a rebound relationship.
Everything emotionally gratifyingly always comes to an end. I don’t wish to sound pessimistic, but it’s true!
It’s emotionally impossible to stay ecstatically excited about something forever.
And even if you magically do, human beings take it for granted. It’s unfortunate, but that’s the ugly truth about the neutrality stage in the 5 stages of a breakup for the dumper.
Earl Nightingale describes happiness in his book called Lead the field very similarly.
He says “success is the progressive realization of a worthy ideal” (goal). To summarize his words, Earl defines happiness in life as a progressive state.
This means that without continuous improvements, adjustments and new goals, life becomes dull and stagnant.
People need goals to be happy and so does your ex. If your ex seems happy now because of the end of the relationship, try not to worry or take it too personally.
When the time is right, he or she is going to need to rely on something better for his or her happiness.
Let’s recap.
Why do exes come back when you moved on?
Exes come back because:
- You’re happy
- Didn’t lose value
- Improved as a person
- Allowed space and time to pull you together
- Your ex’s initial highs ran off
- Your ex experienced difficulties
- He or she wants to take your happiness from you in any way possible.
If you are in no contact, follow the rules of no contact down to the T.
Memorize them, print them out if you have to. Do whatever you must to keep yourself on your path to success.
Not only will doing so maximize your chances of reconciliation, but it will also make you into a stronger, wiser and healthier individual.
Do you agree that exes come back when you moved on and no longer care? I’d love to hear what you have to say about that so please comment below this article.
What an amazing article. I especially love how you listed the common reasons and breaking down how vain & selfish love actually is. My ex is leaving voicemails nonstop all because I will not respond after we broke up. It’s been hard but thanks to your post, I know I am improving and moving on with life, won’t fall for his antics and will continue to make MYSELF happy any way I can. Blessings!