Losing The Love Of Your Life: How To Deal With It?

Losing the love of your life can be a living hell. It can feel like the person you trusted the most betrayed you cold-heartedly and made you fend for yourself.

The end of a long-term relationship not only hurts you and makes you question your self-worth, but it also increases your longing for the love of your life and forces you to obsess over him or her day and night.

The more attached you are to the person you love, the more the breakup takes you by surprise and the longer it takes for you to deal with its painful aftereffects. People who have been dumped before and have excellent coping mechanisms normally get over someone they love in a matter of weeks. But most people, unfortunately, need much longer than that.

Due to overwhelming separation anxiety, destroyed self-esteem, developed fears, and a loss of direction, they need months of time to deal with a devastating separation and get back on their feet. Recovery times differ for every person, but generally speaking, it takes dumpees (people who were dumped) around 8 months or so to recover from the end of a healthy relationship.

You’d think that healthy relationships take longer simply because couples got along and stayed together longer, but that’s not the case. Unhealthy, codependent, highly emotional, and toxic relationships take longer to process and are much more painful because in these relationships couples emotionally depend on each other for love and recognition.

They form strong unhealthy bonds and need each other rather than want each other.

Don’t get me wrong. By no means am I saying that losing the love of your life is easy. Losing the love of your life is still a shock for the mind and the body and an extremely unpleasant experience. All I’m saying is that some couples have it harder than others because they stay in relationships for the wrong reasons.

Some get severely attached, have poor coping mechanisms, and lack breakup knowledge/experience, and the confidence required to handle breakups properly.

Such couples rely on the happy hormones they provide to each other and can’t do their daily tasks without each other. Not until they go through the dumpee stages of a breakup and rebuild their self-worth, confidence, and emotional independence.

That’s why if you lost the love of your life and you want to feel better, try to be patient with yourself as well as your ex. A breakup is an emotionally taxing process that requires a lot of time, self-love, knowledge, and the determination to feel better without your ex.

If you try to make your ex help you and overburden your ex with thoughts and emotions, you’ll bring a bad reaction out of your ex and fail to get your ex back. That’s because you’ll go against your ex’s wants and needs and make your ex want to talk to you and be with you even less.

You need to understand your ex’s problems and desires so you know what your ex expects and needs from the breakup. When you understand your ex, you’ll be able to give your ex the freedom he or she had been craving and let your ex come to you when he or she is ready.

So if you lost the love of your life and want to know how to get the love of your life back, start by respecting yourself and giving your ex things your ex needs to be happy. Whether you had stayed with your ex for a year or 20 years, your ex needs to see that you respect him/her and yourself and that you’re not going to resist the breakup.

Your understanding will allow your ex to enjoy the new lifestyle, process the breakup, drop his or her guard, and maybe even reach out and get back with you if your ex realizes he or she isn’t happy.

Today’s article is for dumpees who wish to know how to get over losing the love of their life and by doing so, maximize their chances of getting back together with their ex.

Losing the love of your life

Since you were deeply in love with your ex and got along well, you didn’t think that the love of your life would leave you. Sure, you had occasional disagreements because all couples do, but you believed you could communicate about all kinds of problems (big or small) and overcome them with patience and willpower.

You thought you were good together.

But because relationships are fragile and people’s mentalities prone to changing quickly, something went wrong. Something or perhaps even someone inspired or forced your ex to lose sight of the relationship and made him or her take the relationship for granted.

Now you’re stuck wondering what went wrong and why you haven’t picked up on your ex’s problems or discontent sooner. Whatever you do, don’t blame yourself for not realizing that your ex had been stressed, disappointed, depressed, or unhappy with you for a while.

Most dumpees blame themselves for the things they hadn’t noticed throughout the relationship. They think that if they had been more attentive, understanding, and caring that they could have prevented the breakup and stayed with the love of their life. But usually, things aren’t that simple.

Dumpers indeed leave because they’re unhappy, but they don’t do that just because they feel unheard and unsupported. They leave because they lack the ability to express themselves and resolve problems quickly and efficiently. Oftentimes, they develop doubts and feelings for someone else, so they leave for the prospect of finding a person who will make them feel loved and wanted again.

Such dumpers develop the grass is greener syndrome as they think that the quality of their lives will improve merely by getting involved with someone else. Little do they know that infatuation is temporary and that the grass isn’t necessarily greener on the other side of the fence. It merely appears to be from afar because they haven’t done enough research and got close enough.

The truth is that the grass is greener where people water it. If they put time, emotions, gratitude, and healthy thoughts into the relationship as well as in themselves, they increase relationship standards (the way the relationship functions) and improve the way the relationship makes them feel.

That’s because they stay in love with their partners and remain committed to them. Real love conquers everything and anything. This includes depression, fear, grief, temptations, and even occasional doubts. A person who is the love of your life will, therefore, fight tooth and nail to secure a spot in your heart and stay loyal.

He or she won’t entertain doubts and risk breaking up with you just because someone else could make him or her happier. A mature man or woman who loves you and has his or her priorities straight would rather work on making the relationship better and stronger.

So if you lost the love of your life and you’re in immense pain because of it, try to get some emotional distance from the person you lost. When you get some space and detach, you might notice that this person wasn’t the love of your life after all. He or she may have been someone you were destined to meet and spend some time with, but not someone you were going to stay with you all your life.

Some people enter our lives and stay with us for years before they leave. That’s because it takes them that long to encounter issues they aren’t capable of dealing with sufficiently.

Such people, of course, aren’t the love of your life. They’re people who stayed with you only for as long as they were able to stay with you. Once issues they lacked the skills and willpower to resolve came up, they gave up on you and pursued happiness elsewhere.

So whether you refer to your ex as the love of your life, the one and only, your twin flame, your soulmate, or your kindred spirit, keep in mind that there is no such thing as one specific person you’re destined to be with. We like to think that there is so we can deepen our sense of gratitude for the person we love, but in reality, millions of people are qualified of being our romantic partners and people we settle down with.

We just need to detach from our ex-partners and fall back in love with ourselves first to realize it.

You’re probably worried that you’ll never meet someone like your ex again, but try not to worry about that. Not meeting the same kind of person is a good thing because you don’t want the next relationship to end the way the previous one/ones did. You want someone different/better as your partner so you can forget about your ex, carry on with your life, and have a more successful relationship.

It sucks that you lost a person you loved after being with him or her for a long time, but it’s better to lose him or her now than later. The sooner the relationship ends, the sooner you can find someone who appreciates you.

How to deal with losing the love of your life?

We talked a lot about finding someone you like, but that comes much later. You can focus on meeting other people when you’ve recovered from heartbreak and done the necessary work on yourself. For now, though, focus on things that need your immediate attention. Focus on healing, distracting yourself, and improving the things you need to improve.

These things will help you cope with losing the love of your life and prepare you for the single life ahead. They will also transform your life and make you as attractive as you can be.

So to deal with losing the love of your life, start by surrounding yourself with friends and family. Your loved ones will support you emotionally and let you vent when you need to. They will also distract you from the breakup and make it possible for you to focus on creating a life you deserve to live.

Secondly, make sure not to stalk your ex, take revenge on your ex, or engage in conversation with your ex. All these breakup mistakes will make you look weak and desperate and wreck your ex’s need and desire to get back with you.

Whether you want the love of your life back or just move on with your life, know that there are certain lines you mustn’t cross with your ex. You mustn’t play jealousy games, pretend you’re happy that your ex is gone, message your ex’s friends, and explain to your ex’s family why you belong together.

The only way your ex will respect you and want to be with you is if you don’t fight or ask for your ex’s love and affection. This isn’t because you’ll withdraw affection and manipulate your ex into caring about you but because you’ll leave your ex alone and show you’re mature, confident, and smart enough to handle anything life throws at you.

So instead of reasoning with your ex and actively trying to reattract your ex back, learn about the rules of no contact and go no contact with your ex. The sooner you get away from your ex, the less damage you’ll cause to your ex and the quicker you’ll heal.

It’s a win-win for both of you.

Here are some things to remember and do when you lose the love of your life.

To deal with losing the love of your life properly, you need to understand how breakups work. Breakups aren’t relationships where people can be convinced into doing what you want them to do. Breakups are emotional and physical separations that require a completely different strategy. A strategy that is based on respect and self-respect.

You need to show the person you love that you’ve accepted his or her decision and that you won’t try to oppose it. You can do that simply by following the indefinite no contact rule and trying to enjoy your life as much as possible.

Another thing you should consider doing is signing up for therapy. Therapy is one of the greatest methods for expressing yourself and calming yourself down when anxiety overwhelms you. Most people should give it a try when they feel stressed, scared, depressed, and lost.

And the last important piece of advice I have for you is that you should stay busy. You may not be able to avoid separation pain, but you can make it a bit better by distracting yourself and focusing on your hobbies and goals. Doing the things you like will slowly prepare you for a life independent of your ex and make you think about your ex less.

Falling in love after losing the love of your life

Whether the person you dated left you or passed away, you need to take the time to process the end of your relationship before you get involved with someone else.

Falling in love with another person when you’re grieving your ex is something that won’t happen. It doesn’t for most people because even if they try to fall in love, they soon realize that they’re hurting and that they need to focus on their internal happiness first.

So whatever you do, don’t date other people before you get yourself back. Take it as a warning from me or you’ll rebound and suffer immensely. It’s much safer for you and better for your romantic life to heal first and then see if you can get to know some new people.

Widows and widowers normally don’t want to date for a while. It’s a moral issue for many of them as they feel they owe their deceased partner loyalty and respect.

As for people who get dumped, they usually become ready to date about half a year after the breakup. This depends on the intensity of their previous relationship and the emotional progress they’ve made since the breakup.

Sometimes it’s important for them not to jump into another relationship so they can understand what went wrong in the previous relationship and do their best to avoid making the same mistakes in the future.

Falling in love after losing the love of your life will happen naturally when the time is right. You’ll likely compare the new person to your ex from time to time, but that’s okay. It’s quite common and normal unless you can’t stop thinking about your ex and feel emotionally drained because of it.

My advice is to let love come to you. Instead of forcing it, get to know some people first and get comfortable around them. When you’re ready, you’ll start feeling pulled toward them and want them to reciprocate your feelings.

Are you worried about losing the love of your life? What are you worried about the most? Let us know in the comments below.

And also, if you’re looking for breakup coaching and want our help, check out our coaching services here.