Updated on November 24, 2025
Unfortunately, exes are often done with us for good, as they no longer have romantic feelings and the drive to work on the relationship. That’s why they respond coldly or angrily, keep their distance, and focus on anything but the breakup. Other things and people excite them and give them hope, whereas talking to exes overwhelms and stresses them and keeps them stuck in the past.
Dumpees may worry about their future and cry, but dumpers tend not to do that. Contrary to dumpees, they feel relieved and engage in new activities. Some of the things they do include going out with their friends, meeting new people, drinking and partying, jumping on dating apps such as Tinder, and trying to connect with someone new.
Despite saying things like, “I love you to bits,” and reassuring their dumpee that they won’t date anyone for a while, they often give the first person they set their eyes on a chance. They don’t wait long before they break the promises they made to their ex and make their ex feel deceived and insignificant.
Whether they date someone else, post happy pictures online, or simply focus on moving forward with their lives, they destroy their ex’s hope for reconciliation and cause him or her immense pain.
Most dumpers don’t cause problems and pain on purpose. They hurt their ex simply because their ex has feelings and hope—and is attached. They want to focus on themselves and cut off the past quickly, so they hurt their ex in the process. Because they lack self-awareness, self-control, empathy, communication skills, and patience, they refuse to respond or respond poorly to their ex’s reach-outs and deny their ex closure and support.
Not all dumpers are bad people. Many dumpers know they were unfair, cold, mean, or even disrespectful or aggressive. They understand that their actions triggered their ex’s separation anxiety, insecurities, fears of the unknown/being replaced, and all kinds of traumas and negative thinking.
When they understand the problems they caused their ex and the pain they made their ex feel, they often start feeling guilty and consider reaching out. They know that by contacting their ex, they can gain insight into their ex’s life, see how their ex is doing emotionally, and determine if they need to apologize or simply move on.
There’s no need for them to hover around and feel trapped and uncomfortable. That’s why many dumpers talk only when they need to. They reach out just to catch up and disappear (for a while) afterward. They don’t feel the need to befriend their ex because they already got everything (the information) they needed.
The information they received from their ex helps them stop feeling bad for dumping their ex and encourages them to prioritize people or things that make them happy and enable them to focus on the present and future.
Most dumpees have hope and want to learn how to know if their ex is over them for good. Their anxiety is sky-high, so they want to either reconcile with their ex or move on once and for all.
At first, they lean mostly toward getting back with their ex, as they’re in tons of pain and consider their ex their savior. They can’t even imagine themselves disconnecting from their ex and dating someone else.
It takes some time (usually months) for them to open up to new ideas. That tends to happen when they recover emotionally, rebuild their self-worth, and regain their rationality. When they get through the storm caused by their ex, they begin to notice their ex’s flaws and mistakes and start questioning their ex’s worth.
If they don’t like how their ex treated them during or after the relationship, they take their ex off the pedestal and view him or her realistically. They see their ex as someone who wasn’t on the same page with them in terms of personality, values, or goals—and regain their lost power and control.
But how can you know if your ex is done with you for good?
You can tell whether your ex will return (in the short-term, of course) by observing your ex’s attitude. Your ex’s attitude tells you whether your ex respects you, likes you, or loves you.
If your ex ignores you, calls you names, or spreads lies about you, your ex clearly doesn’t have any feelings, let alone respect. Your ex considers you responsible for his or her pain and unhappiness, and maybe even wants you to suffer. It’s hard to say if someone who resents you will return in the future, but usually, immature and bitter exes don’t come back.
They can’t come back because they play the blame game and refuse to change the way they think and act. Instead of asking themselves where they went wrong, they tell themselves they should have left sooner and that they deserve better.
Such dumpers lack understanding of breakups and themselves, and tend not to come back for a very long time, if ever. To come back, something bad must happen to them. Something that hurts their self-esteem and forces them to reflect (realize their mistakes).
It sucks, but most dumpers are over their ex even before they leave. They stay (unhappy) in the relationship for so long that they can’t wait to walk away and free themselves of all relationship and moral obligations. They’re so eager to leave that the breakup has no or little effect on them.
Depressed dumpers or those who care about their ex sometimes cry during the breakup, but that doesn’t mean they still love their ex. Even if they say they have feelings, it’s not true because they wouldn’t have left if they did.
What they have is guilt, shame, and uncertainty, which they often mistake for love.
So if you’re curious to know if your ex is over you, know that you don’t need to look for secret signs. You can tell your ex is over you simply by understanding that he or she initiated the breakup. The breakup itself is all the proof you need that your ex was (or still is) stressed and overwhelmed by your presence, needs, or expectations.
You have no control over your ex’s perception and feelings, and need to accept the breakup, whether you agree with it or not. If you get emotional and tell or expect your ex to stay with you despite feeling trapped, you risk overwhelming your ex and bringing a negative reaction out of him/her. That reaction will wound you deeply and set you back on your recovery.
In this post, we talk about how to know if your ex is over you for good. You’ll learn what your ex would do if he/she still loved you and had plans for the relationship.
How to know if your ex is over you for good?
You can always tell if your ex is over you by looking at your ex’s attitude. Attitude shows what your ex thinks about you and how he or she feels toward you.
If you notice relief, suffocation, anger, or contempt and see your ex doing crazy things in his or her free time, you can forget about getting your ex back, at least in the short term.
Your ex doesn’t love you anymore because his or her focus is on matters that have nothing to do with reconciliation. Your ex isn’t solving relationship problems that are required for his or her love for you to resume. On the contrary, your ex is doing the opposite – looking for ways to be happy without you.
Let me rephrase that. Your ex is trying to live a happier life without you because your ex thinks that he or she deserves/can do better on his/her own or with someone else.
If your ex was taking care of sick children or dealing with an illness, that would be a different story. Your ex would have a valid reason to prioritize more urgent matters.
Dating someone else right away and sipping cocktails at the bar with his or her buddies isn’t one of them.
That’s why post-breakup happiness and engaging in activities that provide immediate satisfaction are signs that your ex is truly done with you. They prove that your ex is enjoying his or her relief phase and isn’t staying at home, crying, and regretting his or her decisions.
It’s impossible to say if your ex will stay detached forever, but things probably won’t improve if your ex is bitter, vengeful, or selfish. Dumpers don’t change who they are as people, so expecting a miracle to happen would be unrealistic. Understand that your ex needs to be capable of forgiveness and changing his or her beliefs.
Not only that, but your ex must also be brave enough to lower his or her guard and be willing to get hurt again.
Not a lot of dumpers are willing to get hurt, which is why they continue to protect their feelings, ego, and pride, and blame their ex for everything. By shifting the blame, they stay underdeveloped and incapable of giving their ex the credit he or she deserves.
Dumpers who come back typically understand their thoughts and emotions. They know that they’re partly responsible for the breakup and that they could and should have done better in the relationship and after.
Such thoughts enable them to view the relationship realistically and gradually redevelop feelings.
Oftentimes, it takes years for that to happen, as they first need to slip up in some major way (usually in a romantic context) and learn (through failure and pain) that they overestimated themselves and underestimated their ex.
When they lower their ego and feel nostalgic for the past, they begin to redevelop feelings and expectations, and need their ex back to feel complete.
So if you’re ready to learn how to know if your ex is over you, start by doing the following things:
- Examine the reason (or reasons) the relationship ended.
- Find out whether your ex is happy and what he or she is doing.
It’s not smart for you to contact your ex and/or dig for information on your ex because unpleasant information will make you feel hopeless and unimportant, and cause you to miss your ex even more. But if you unintentionally learn that your ex doesn’t seem bothered by the breakup and is moving on like nothing happened, then it’s obvious that your ex is over you.
I don’t have the crystal ball to say whether you’ll get another chance in the future. This typically depends on:
- Your ex’s maturity and ability to grow
- The life your ex lives and the lessons he/she learns
- The mistakes you make after the breakup
If you beg and plead for a long time, your ex will likely stay distant even if things go badly on his or her end. This is because your ex will associate negative beliefs and feelings with you and keep his or her distance for self-protection.
You can tell if your ex is over you by the way he or she talks to you
It took me years of research and analyzing breakups to finally understand dumpers who aren’t completely over their dumpees. That’s why today, I’m excited to share how to tell if your ex is over you, isn’t over you, or is only pretending to be over you.
It’s actually much simpler than you might think—and it applies to both males and females.
You can tell how your ex feels about you by the way your ex communicates with you. If your ex says that he loves you and wants to see you immediately, your ex’s actions show that he’s in a hurry to reconnect.
He’s making plans with you and wants to see you because he actually wants to see you.
This “want” or wish to bond with you shows that your ex isn’t over you (or was over you but isn’t anymore) and that your ex will be back the moment he’s certain the relationship is beneficial for him.
So pay close attention to your ex’s promises, wishes, wants, and needs—and try to discern whether your relationship is on an indefinite break or if your ex actually has romantic plans for you.
If your ex has plans, your ex won’t take a passive approach and wait for you to make the first move. Regardless of how passive your ex is, your ex knows that it’s his or her job to come back and recommit. Your ex left and must, therefore, put in the effort to earn back your love and trust.
If you get back together, your relationship could face trust issues, loss of attraction, and a lack of commitment, but that’s a topic for another time.
For now, you need to understand that your ex is done emotionally and has no intention of coming back. Dumpers tend not to leave the door open. Most of the time, they return when they fail to live the kind of life they hoped to live.
Failed expectations hit them hard and force them to see their ex as a backup plan.
Anyway, you’ll be able to tell when/if your ex wants you back.
And you won’t even have to talk to your ex, guilt-trip, or beg your ex for another chance. You’ll just have to wait for your ex to reach out and express feelings, regrets, and expectations.
Having said that, here’s how to tell if your ex is over you for good and isn’t coming back in the foreseeable future.
Accept that your ex is over you
I know it’s hard, but you must accept that your ex is over you and doesn’t want to work on the relationship. Accepting the end of the relationship will help you overcome false hope and regain your emotional independence. It won’t happen overnight because breakups take time to heal from, but eventually, you’ll detox from your ex and notice that you don’t care whether your ex is over you or not.
Your ex’s feelings won’t matter to you because you’ll discover that obsessing over your ex is pointless and that you have better/healthier things in your life to focus on. Things that actually add value to your life.
So do your best to accept your ex’s lack of feelings. Make sure also to accept that you’re still in love with your ex and that it will take some time to fall out of love. Acceptance is key, as it will allow you to let go of the past and see your ex for the person he or she truly is.
Unless your ex specifically told you to work on certain aspects of your life (e.g., addictions or anger issues) or said he or she needs a week or two to resolve certain problems, there’s no benefit in holding onto your ex and hoping he or she will have a change of heart.
A change of heart is unlikely to happen as long as the breakup is new and your ex refuses to take accountability.
Don’t think that your ex is hiding his or her feelings for you. Dumpers seldom initiate breakups against their hearts. When they do, they usually attempt to manipulate their ex into changing and giving them what they want.
If your ex left you to force you to change, your ex will come back when you stop chasing and giving away all your power. He or she will fear that there’s a chance of losing you for good and that he or she needs to reach out and get you back. In that case, all you need to do is wait for your ex to get scared and admit to having feelings.
If this is an ordinary breakup, though (not a fakeup), then you’re most likely dealing with a real loss of feelings. You can’t force your ex to have feelings, so you must walk away and let your ex come to you when/if he or she discovers your romantic worth and redevelops feelings.
Go no contact and see if time and experience help your ex learn some valuable lessons. Either way, no contact will give you both the space you need to self-prioritize and reflect on the relationship.
How do I know if I’m over my ex?
Now that you’ve learned how to tell if your ex is over you, it’s time to figure out whether you’re over your ex.
Let’s break down your attachment to your ex into four categories:
- Emotional dependency
- Obsession
- Anxiety
- Detachment
We’ll start with emotional dependency and describe how each stage feels.
Emotional dependency:
You feel so deprived of love and recognition that you rely on your ex to make you feel better. Without your ex by your side, you struggle with daily tasks and feel as if your existence has no meaning.
You experience physical pain and typical separation anxiety symptoms—and feel an intense pull toward your ex. You want to talk to your ex, hoping to receive love and, consequently, stop the gut-wrenching breakup pain.
In this stage, you relive the breakup dozens of times a day in your head, blame yourself for the breakup, including your ex’s mistakes, and wish you could fix it all.
Obsession:
Separation pain has lessened, but not completely. It has shifted into an intense urge to know what’s happening in your ex’s life. You feel a strong temptation to stalk your ex’s social media pages and talk to your ex. You crave explanations and closure, and still hold a lot of hope that your ex will return and admit he or she was wrong.
If you’re in the obsession stage of getting over your ex, you mindlessly chase after your ex, looking for signs that your ex isn’t over you yet. You hope and pray for another chance and put your ex in charge of your recovery.
Due to obsession, you spend most of your waking time searching for answers on how your ex might be thinking and feeling, and what you can do to increase your chances of reconciliation. Since your ex has become a priority in your life, your ex is on your mind most of the time, even when you eat, work, or sleep.
Anxiousness:
In this stage, you’re in the up-and-down process of healing from the breakup and getting over your ex. Some days you feel better, while other days you feel worse. Although you still think about your ex daily, those thoughts no longer hurt as intensely.
You’ve learned to adapt and live with them.
If you’re anxious about your ex, you no longer need your ex by your side to function properly. You’ve gotten over your ex to the point of having some control. You’re healing, but there’s still a lingering curiosity about what your ex is doing and whether he or she ever thinks about you.
Expect these thoughts to continue until one day you suddenly realize that you haven’t thought about your ex in quite some time.
Detachment:
When you get to the detachment stage of getting over your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend, you no longer care about what your ex says and does.
You don’t care if he or she is dating someone else and having the time of his or her life. The reason for that is that you’re no longer emotionally dependent on your ex. Your thoughts and feelings have changed so much that you may not even want your ex back anymore.
You’ve created a life that you enjoy, so you don’t want your ex to come back and ruin your happiness. Ironically, that’s exactly how the dumper feels immediately after the breakup. The stages for the dumpee and the dumper are essentially reversed.
With time, reflection, and self-growth, both sides gradually reach a point of acceptance and emotional independence.
And that’s it. I hope this article has taught you how to know if your ex is over you completely and what you must do if he or she is.
If it did, comment below. Share your emotional progress as well as your ex’s behavior.
Lastly, if you need help looking for ways to know if your ex is over you, feel free to reach out to us. At Magnet of Success, we offer personalized coaching services designed to guide you through your post-breakup grief.
My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Buy me a coffee, learn more about me, or get in touch today.
Hey Zan,
I am surprised by the amount of criticism in the comments. I personally enjoyed this post. I feel that false hope is the main thing that keeps people from feeling better. I know that is what I have been battling in the 2 months since my breakup. The longer you have false hope the longer you hold onto something that isn’t real. This only leads to you being in pain longer. Waiting for something that may or may not happen. False hope leads to you being stuck.
I enjoy your posts because they are honest and don’t encourage people to keep hoping. It encourages them to move on and get themselves better. If people read any of your previous posts they talk about how there is always a chance that your ex comes back to reconcile but you can’t wait around hoping. This article was honest and I appreciate it. It doesn’t say that someone is never going to reach out again. What it is saying is that the dumper has decided to move on and now is solely focused on detaching completely from the dumpee. They are not thinking about you like you are thinking about them. Your posts have helped me the most in realizing that the mindset that the dumper and dumpee have are so different. That is why dumpees need to get rid of false hope to move on. This article demonstrates that.
Keep up the good work. It has helped me so much and I hope you keep making posts that are honest and not filling people with the idea that their ex will come back. Because nobody knows. And since nobody knows you have to act as if they are not coming back.
P.S. i think I’m sadly still stuck in the obsession stage. It’s been so hard to let go but I’m finally seeing a little progress.
Without addressing attachment styles, this article is not credible. People with avoidant attachment styles do these things to convince themselves they’re over someone. Detaching is not that simple. They may not reach out or want to reconnect, but just because they are doing these things does not mean they’re over someone.
I really like some of your articles, but this one contradicts others you post completely.
I was friends with someone for a few months and it was a really intense friendship. Became very close and considered each other to be very good friends. We had a great time when we’d meet. Talked to each other constantly, and it was a bit flirty too until he realized that he was practically pretending to be in a relationship with me. I think he realized he was lonely and he was using me to fill a void. We stayed friends but toned down the flirting. It was fine, but lately he had become very distant and then one day, just blew up and said he had no interest in maintaining any sort of relationship with me, and that i should never talk to him again and i’m acting like we are so close, even though we are just superficial friends. It was so odd, and although i could feel him pulling away, it went from 24/7 talking/bonding to never wanting to speak again. He said our last meeting was a pity invite. He said really mean and hurtful things, and showing anger is very unlike him. Its been about 3 weeks and i’m not sure if he was just going through something or if he’ll come back. I haven’t talked to him at all.
I for one appreciate the no sugar coating of the articles because most likely than not it’s the truth. We can wish, hope, romanticize our wants from out exes but only in the rare occasion do any of those things really work out. Thanks Zan for being more realistic than fantasy based.
We all want to get some type of connection from out ex and that is why we are all here but even if we do it’s not ever truly the same as before. Sadly, this realization should be had as fast as you can for your heart’s sake.
Hi Gee.
You’re right about that.
Long ago, I realized that the truth helps dumpees let go of their unrealistic expectations and get out of denial much quicker. This is why I provide very little false hope and encourage everyone to absorb the truth (as difficult as it may be) and start getting over their breakup.
Kind regards,
Zan
Hi,
I think we should try to understand and face the reality as it is – we are no longer in a relationship with that person. It will do us good, as painful as it is. And the fact that we ‘read’ the tone of these articles as not very encouraging, it is because it makes us lose our hopes – and, sometimes, they are fake hopes. But I think the mind, right after the break-up, is like a muddy water – we cannot see through it clearly, and, most definitely, we are not able to think clearly. That is why time apart/No Contact helps; this period should help you detach a bit from the situation. Unfortunately, some of us use this period of time counterintuitively. But at some point, your body will force you to get out of that situation – and it will be done in an unexpected way. Believe it or not, our body has its own language, we just have to listen.
It’s never easy to move on or get over something that hurt you. I am talking now as a dumper. The decision I took was not an wasy one, because we, dumpers, do have a heart too. I am not sure why we tick the ‘bad ones’ category for the others, but from my experience, it hurts too. I am still recovering. So, yes, it hurts.
I don’t know how many people can accept these facts – the only constant in your life is change (and you have little control of it), and life goes on (regardless if you like it or not; and again, you have little control of it). The only things you have control of are your mind and your choices. The sooner you accept the reality as it is, the easier it will be for you to work on your choices.
I wish all of us the best! We deserve it, just like that.
Are you saying that as a dumper, you also had hopes?
Hi Carly, yes, I did have. I think the emotions don’t ‘forgive’ anyone. How you process them makes the difference, though.
Hey Alex, thanks for the reply.
Did you have hopes in terms of your pain changing or hopes that your ex would change and you would reconcile? Just curious!
Both 🙂
Thank you for the empowering comment, Alex!
I hope it helps many readers.
Best,
Zan
It’s been 5 months after break up and I’m on anxious stage. Sometimes I feel worse and feel like I’m dropping down to the depression but try to keep myself, so this feeling go away. I’m looking forward to this feeling when I don’t give a f-ck about my ex, but unfortunately it doesn’t go to me for now. Probably, it’s a matter of time.
Dating with another guys and getting new friends helps me the most.
Also, I’d like to thank you for your blog, Zan, you write really right things. It’s useless to chase after people who don’t love you.
Hi Viktoria.
Thanks for the comment!
You’re getting better each day but you probably don’t realize it because breakups take a lot of time to process. Do whatever it takes to get over your ex, but if I may suggest, try not to get involved with someone new too quickly. You probably aren’t ready for that yet. Take care of yourself first.
Kind regards,
Zan
Personally, I’m not sure about your new style.
Of course, the faster dumpee will hit rock bottom, lose all of his hope for reconcilation, the better. Only then he can really start rebuilding himself anew.
On the other hand, it feels like you trying to shout ,,THEY ARE GONE! GONE! YOU UNDERSTAND M********R?!”.
I believe one needs to grieve and lose hope gradually in no contact. Your articles are great, but for the people who are in NC for a bit of time and lost a bit of their hope already. For starters, I believe it will just hurt them and they will deny that.
I’m sure you know Dating Guy and The Love Chat. They are very similar to you – keep NC forever, work on yourself, and IF they come back, you will be a better man, and decide if you even want them again. That is very positive and gets me more than your current ,,ex is not coming back, forget her”.
Still, I love your articles as they are very insightful. That’s only my point of view, hope you are not mad about my criticism. 😀
Best regards!
Thanks a lot for your feedback, Igor.
I wanted to emphasize that the dumpee needs to move on for his own good.
But now I realize that I need to soften the tone and be more empathetic.
Thanks a lot. I’m super grateful for your constructive criticism!
Zan
Zan, I love how you are open to suggestions and conversation. Not a lot of ego, you set a good example for everyone.
Thank you, Carly.
I’m open to all suggestions that would improve reading experience.
If you have any suggestions or ideas, please let me know.
Best regards,
Zan
Hi Igor,
I prefer to read and listen, people who keep me from feeling hopeful, than to tell me that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. In the first months (3) after my breakup, I read and watched many blogs and videos of people who spread the message of the 30 days NC and other stuff. I had this hope, and so my anxiety grew, because in fact my ex never changed his mind. This is just to say, that things do not always go as we want, and I find it much more productive that we really evolve and think about ourselves, whether our ex-lover, comes back or not. Since I started to focus more on myself, reading more “raw” and realistic articles, I feel that day after day I feel better.
It may not work for everyone, especially for those who are still in a stage of lasting hope … I understand that, for sure. But I find it more productive to believe that we don’t really need our exes to be fully happy in the future and now and even to believe that they won’t come back =).
Haha, no problem Zan, but it was only my point of view. 😀 But it’s great you are listening to your audience. ^^
Thanks for reply Isabel. I totally agree with you, that we don’t need our exes to be happy – but, everyone needs to understand this in their own pace, no one can and should force it.
Still, we agree that indefinete no contact is the only way. I feel sorry for thousands of people that following 30 day NC, I’m also victim of this. :/ I hope one day they will see through that bullshit.
Thank you for writing your thoughts Zan, they’ve helped me in some ways.
My ex & I separated four months ago, and my no-contact started about two or three. It’s likely we were the 0.1% – our relationship was complicated, though we never antagonized each other.
My heart tells me, we likely won’t see each other again. I miss them terribly, but accept it’s beyond me & hope we’ll meet under better circumstances, in another life.
Thank you again for your positivity & goodwill. Many advice sites support no-contact (some didn’t), but their advice is their product. It left me feeling preyed on, I didn’t much like it.
Peace, love, & hugs <3
Hi Hazel.
Thank you for your comment.
Sometimes relationships end to teach us a lesson—and othertimes simply because we can’t get much more out of them.
Either case, I hope that you enjoyed the time you spent with your ex and that you don’t lose hope in dating others.
If your ex ever comes back, you can decide what to do with him when that happens. But until then, treat yourself with love and care—and stay healthy.
Kind regards,
Zan
Hi Zan!
Unfortunately for me, I feel like I’m still in the Obsession stage — recently, I had what I’ll call a rather extreme mental breakdown after doing one of those social media stalking journeys and decided that I could no longer keep hurting myself like that. I discovered about 3 weeks ago that my ex has entered a new relationship and it intensified the need for stalking.
After said breakdown, I just realised I can’t keep doing this to myself – my ex and his new girlfriend are doing nothing wrong, but the thought of him being happy without me is just too painful. However, I’m the one continuously putting myself through anxiety and pain by exposing myself to their happiness, and I can at least remove that from my life. So, starting this week, whenever I feel the urge to do said stalking, I’ve been actively finding something to do immediately in order to stop.
I’m also planning on other life changes and working on myself to hopefully keep myself busy enough (after this whole staying at home due to Covid-19 ends, lol), that I’ll reach what you mentioned in the “Anxiousness” phase — where I’ll still think about him, but at least it won’t hurt as much as it has so far.
As far as where I think my ex is, I think it’s safe to say he’s fairly detached from me at this point. He has not tried to initiate a conversation with me in months and the relationship start pretty much tells me he is long gone. I had some hope even when he wouldn’t talk to me because he would at least reply when I reached out every now and then — but this last development really seals the deal at least for now.
Thank you as always for the posts – and sorry for the long reply!
Hi Eve.
You’re doing great!
By distracting yourself, you’re able to push your ex and his happiness in his new relationship out of your consciousness.
Continue to do this so that you don’t suffer from unnecessary anxiety. It’s only a matter of time before you stop feeling the wish to stalk and obsess.
Stay strong and thanks for the comment.
Zan
I’ve also noticed the tone and advice of this site is becoming more cynical and I think it’s doing the opposite to people who visit than they expect.I’ve also come across another site identical to this one with only different names, do you run multiple sites?
Hi Linda.
I’m sorry that the advice on this site doesn’t appear selfless to you. I’ll do better next time.
Thanks for reading!
Zan
Hi Zan,
I feel that for some time the tone of your articles has changed (compared to your articles of one or two years ago), and that your goal might be now more to help dumpees let go of hope and move on, rather than giving them (false) hope of reconciliation.
It is not a critic of course, your articles are always great, but it is just that your articles seem so different than the ones you wrote months ago.
For instance, it is hard to think that you are the same person who wrote the articles on how to re-attract your ex with the « law of attraction », or the complete guide on how to get your ex back.
By the way, do you still believe in the things you wrote at the time (like the LOA) ?
Thanks !
Hi Rick.
Thank you for pointing that out.
Since a lot of people are struggling with their breakup I thought it would be best not to promote false hope.
That’s why (as you can tell) my approach has changed over the years. It’s now on helping people detach from their expectations.
I still believe in LOA, but I don’t think that a person should obsess, hope, or pray for something out of his control.
We attract things and people that are equal to us – on the same frequency.
Please let me know if you have any suggestions for writing more reader-friendly articles.
Thank you,
Zan
Hello
Well i know my ex is completely over me (he told me so, 2 months after the breakup), and im working on myself to overcome this situation aswell.
Im in a stage where half the week i feel amazing, and i think i’m totally over him, the other half i feel like s***, and here we go again (today is a good day)
I’ve be friendzoned. He is now the person who has the initiative to contact me first most of the time. And I’m ok with this. Last week, it was my birthday and he was the first person to wish me a happy birthday, 10m after midnight.
The only thing that annoys me is that he has already sent me selfies of him (for what?), a photo of a mug that I offered him with an illustration that I did, telling how amazing it was -.-‘, and he even keeps in a whatsapp group where the participants are, my brother-in-law, my two sisters and me (I already left).
We were together 8 years, and we were actually best friends, but he was the one o decided to breakup… so why the mixed signals? In the beginning of our communication after the breakup, this kind of texts made me happy, but now i know, how stupid i was, to think we could be together again.
I’ve been friendzoned, and i’m also ok with that, because although i feel pain sometimes, i dont want to be with him again. And our friendship was atually really good. I just dont want the mixed stuff.
Hi Isabel.
Your ex is trying to tell you that he cares about you as person. He’s showing you that he values you and your efforts throughout the relationship.
Don’t look too much into it. You’re still anxious, so you’re overanalyzing things. Think of him as a really good friend and everything will soon make sense to you.
Best regards,
Zan
Yes I agree with Linda. Since when did Zan’s philosophy become like this? One month and they’re done?
It’s not consistent with previous articles like the “Stages of the breakup for the dumper.”
Are you seriously suggesting Zan that women and men of all ages are absolutely done with the other person after one month? My brother’s wife went back to him after three months (they split before they married) saying she made a huge mistake.
It also is complete bunkum from my perspective. I have dumped people and by no means am I over them after one month. I haven’t dumped them because of some simplistic “I don’t love them” – the most recent one was six years ago and it was because they were behaving in a crazy manner making me miserable. I still found them attractive and loved parts of their personality but I couldn’t deal with being in a relationship with them. It took me over a year to be “over” them and countless interventions from my friends and family not to get back together with them.
Hi James.
Exes come back all the time. It can take them a month, 3, 6, a year or even longer. But they don’t come back because they aren’t over their partner. Please don’t mistake guilt, respect, doubt, and other sentimental feelings for love. People don’t come back because of them.
They come back after they’ve realized their mistake (usually when they encounter an issues bigger than they can handle).
Admiring someone for the person he or she is does not mean that you love him or her. It means that you’re thankful for good memories and for staying loyal until the end.
As a dumpee, the sooner you lose hope the better. All I’m saying is that you shouldn’t keep looking back after a month because you’re wasting precious recovery time.
I hope this clarifies your concerns.
Kind regards,
Zan
Well Zan my ex’s attitude shows that he don’t care about the relationship anymore. I know l and examined the reason why he left but I don’t need to know what he is doing right? Because that would mean breaking NC!
This research if yours that only 0.1% of the dumper aren’t completely over they dumpees hit me hard… but why some of them come back? This depends on the good relationship (we had one) but how the life treats him (I think that is treating him good).
And in this quiz the part ‘we don’t talk at all’ it’s because we are in indefinite NC from July Zan.
P.S I think I’m in anxiousness stage
Thank you for your wonderful articles ❤️
Hi Linda.
Thanks for the wonderful comment!
Yes, you don’t need to know what’s going on in your ex’s mind. The less you know, the less hurt you get, and the faster you’ll get over him.
Exes come back when they realize that the grass isn’t greener on the othe side. Their respect and love for their ex-partner grows back because of their consistent positive ex-thoughts. That’s when they reach out with a more positive mindset and express the desire to bond again.
Don’t talk to your ex, Linda. Keep getting over him and you’ll win whether he comes back or not.
Best regards,
Zan
Thank youuuu Zan! You are the best
Idk what all we would do without u 🙂
Wow,so if you don’t hear from your ex after a month , just forget it , that flies in the face of nearly every relationship advisor , I’m not buying it.
Hi Linda.
Forget about your ex the moment he leaves. You have to keep moving on for your own good.
And if your ex wants you back, he’ll let you know.
Kind regards,
Zan
I’m not either. This article gives bad advice. Do we wait and pine? No, but exes often reach back out. Even this blog has another article that shows that over 90% of exes reach back out at some point. Contradicting.