My Ex Is Angry And Bitter: What Can I Do?

If your ex is angry and bitter, you must be doing something to annoy your ex. You’re probably contacting your ex and trying to get your ex to respond to you and keep responding to you. You don’t know that your ex is currently incapable of communicating with you and that your ex needs more time to disconnect from you.

Your ex needs space so that he or she can finally stop thinking about you and the relationship and start thinking about things that make him or her feel good. Things like friends and family, hobbies, work, dating prospects, and anything that keeps your ex busy after the breakup.

Anger and bitterness from your ex show that you’re trying to talk to your ex or ask for something way too soon while your ex is still processing things and possibly considers himself or herself a victim. Your ex’s strong reaction is proof that you’re not welcome to keep pushing and that you must back off for your own good.

If you don’t stop doing what you’re doing, your ex will keep getting angrier and angrier and may even block you if things don’t change very soon. I can’t say what your ex will say and do next, but lots of dumpers keep getting angrier and less tolerant with time.

Their patience slowly runs out. And when it does, they often go out with a bang.

So if you’re doing something/anything your ex doesn’t like, such as asking for your stuff back, bear in mind that your ex is angry and bitter because your ex doesn’t like that you’re taking control all of a sudden and demanding things. Your ex wants to be the one in control and feels offended when you tell him or her what to do and what you want.

The purpose of the breakup is for your ex to be in control. And if your ex feels that you’re trying to dictate the flow of the breakup, your ex obviously doesn’t like that. Your ex feels threatened or disrespected, gets angry and bitter, and then tells you or shows you that he or she doesn’t like what you’re doing.

Your ex would rather not see you act the way you do as your behavior isn’t in line with your ex’s expectations. Your ex expected the breakup to change the dynamics after the breakup. Your ex didn’t think you’d refuse to accept the breakup and/or go against his or her wishes.

So if your ex is angry and bitter after the breakup and you don’t know why, do two things. Firstly, learn more about breakups (about the things dumpers need after the breakup). Doing so will help you understand how dumpers feel and don’t want to feel. And secondly, take a look at your behavior. You may be doing something your ex doesn’t like and need from you.

Something that pesters your space-deprived ex and forces him or her to communicate with you.

Always remember that your ex doesn’t want to feel forced to reply. Especially not when he or she is slowly progressing through the dumper stages and has no energy left to help you and listen to your wants and demands.

Those days are over. Now your ex wants to do the things he or she wants to do. And those things don’t include you. They exclude you—and that’s how it needs to be. It’s better for both of you so you can get some emotional distance from each other and regain your identities.

In today’s article, we talk about why your ex is angry and bitter and what you can do to placate your ex and encourage him or her to want to talk to you.

My ex is angry and bitter

Although you’re not responsible for your ex’s anger and bitterness, you need to keep in mind that your ex still remembers the bad times and associates negative emotions with you. Your ex hasn’t forgotten the way he or she felt toward the end of the relationship.

Your ex won’t forget it for a very long time as your ex focused on the bad parts of the relationship for so long that your ex created very unhealthy beliefs about you. Those beliefs are preventing your ex from being patient with you.

They’re constantly reminding your ex that you pose some kind of harm to him or her and that it’s safer for your ex to push you away and stay in charge of the breakup. By staying in charge, your ex can decide what kind of emotions he or she allows into his or her system.

Your ex can either accept them or reject them. If your ex rejects them, your ex fights for what he or she believes and gets angry. That’s how your ex shows that you’re crossing his/her boundaries and that you need to back off and be more thoughtful.

It’s a self-defense mechanism.

So if your ex is angry and bitter after the breakup, know that the way your ex perceives you isn’t very healthy. Your ex most likely feels pressured, guilt-tripped, annoyed, or controlled and thinks that the quickest way to stop you from what you’re doing and stay in control is to show teeth and force you to change your behavior.

Changing your behavior would be much quicker than accepting it and letting you do things he or she doesn’t like. That’s why your ex quickly lets you know that you’re doing something wrong and that you need to respect your ex’s desire and need to self-prioritize and not speak with you.

Dumpers typically need some time to themselves after the breakup. Yes, some just want to breadcrumb their ex about pointless things, but most need to get away from their ex and enjoy their freedom. You need to let them have freedom so they don’t become so resentful they never see your good traits.

If you still want to get back with your ex or want friendship, you probably don’t want your ex to resent you. You want him or her to relax and be the person he or she was throughout the relationship. For that to happen, though, you must play by the rules.

You must start no contact with your ex so that time and space can help your ex can be independent, enjoy freedom, and take his or her mind off of you for a while. Your objective may be to make your ex think about you more and want you back in his or her life, but this isn’t the time for that.

The time to talk and do things will be later when or if your ex is ready to calm down, compromise, and communicate peacefully. That will be the time to discuss non-relationship matters like adults without any anger and hard feelings.

But right now, it’s too soon for that. Your ex is still angry and bitter and doesn’t want to be cordial. It will help you feel better if you learn how your ex thinks and feels after the breakup. And the picture below might help you with that.

Figure out what you’re doing wrong

If you’re reaching out to your ex (rather than your ex to you), the reason your ex is angry and bitter is that you’re inviting yourself to communicate with your ex. You aren’t considering your ex’s feelings and breakup wishes and are just expecting that your ex will be okay with whatever you do.

Most dumpers, unfortunately, aren’t okay with dumpees taking the initiative. Most of them quickly and decisively let their dumpees know that they’re not interested in speaking. They do this by ignoring or blocking them, getting angry with them, telling them not to reach out, or perhaps even saying they’re already dating someone else.

Dumpees could say and do many things to push the dumpee away. But the emotion causing them to do that tends to be anger. Anger caused by suffocation makes them lose patience and care and forces them to act on instinct.

That’s why dumpees must learn about the rules of no contact and stick to them at all costs. They mustn’t break them after assuming that dumpers are ready for friendship or more.

If dumpers aren’t contacting them and expressing some kind of interest in them, they need to stay far away from them. The farther away they are, the less they bother their exes and the fewer angry reactions they bring out of them.

This means you must figure out what exactly is annoying your ex. It could be that your ex is vengeful and reaching out to pick fights with you, but it’s much more likely that you’re saying or doing something your ex doesn’t want or isn’t ready for.

Here are some things dumpees usually do to anger dumpers:

• reach out
• profess their love
• ask for closure
• apologize profusely
• beg and plead
• insist on being friends
• show strong emotions and guilt-trip
• try to take power and control the breakup

You have to learn what behaviors are annoying your ex. When you do, you’ll be able to stop irritating your ex, make your ex much happier, and also be happier yourself. You won’t see your ex react angrily and hurt you, so you’ll heal much faster and sooner than later get over the breakup.

Keep in mind that your behavior may not be mean, rude, or inconsiderate, but that your ex probably interprets it that way as he or she is in a highly sensitive state and doesn’t have any energy and willpower left to interact with you or interact with you the way you want your ex to.

Your ex is ready to focus solely on himself/herself and doesn’t want you to act like you’re still together. So don’t keep acting like you are. Show your ex you understand what he or she needs or doesn’t need from you and go full no contact.

That’s the only way your ex’s anger and bitterness will subside.

Will my ex ever stop being angry with me?

Your ex will without a doubt eventually stop being angry. As long as you break the pattern of making your ex angry, he or she will stop feeling annoyed and feel more pleasing emotions.

But this doesn’t mean that your ex will forgive you and forget about your post-breakup mistakes.

If you make your ex very angry (take revenge or beg and plead for ages), your ex could become resentful. And resentments, unfortunately, don’t go away on their own. They require willpower and conscious effort to resolve. This indicates your ex will have to decide to stop resenting you or thinking poorly of you.

And your ex will do that only if he or she understands himself/herself, wants to be a good person, and sees you mean no harm.

If your ex never stops being resentful, you probably won’t get another chance with your ex. But that’s okay because someone who doesn’t want to let go of hatred isn’t of much use to you anyway. He or she is unable to process negative emotions and likes to hold on to them for control.

This isn’t something you should blame yourself for. If you apologized or showed nothing but kindness, you kicked the ball in your ex’s court. Now it’s your ex’s turn to cool off and kick it back. You shouldn’t run over to your ex’s side and kick the ball back and forth.

That’s just going to make your ex angrier.

You’d be angry too if you were busy with work or friends and an ex you lost feelings for called you 20 times a day. You’d probably tell your ex to stop calling and shock him or her. You’d shock your ex because your ex would likely be emotional and have expectations of you.

Maybe you aren’t calling your ex that many times a day, but the same principles apply. You still trigger unwanted reminders, thoughts, and emotions and make your ex want to escape the uncomfortable situation.

To escape it, your ex gets angry in self-defense and says or does hurtful things.

So stop making your ex defend himself or herself by pulling away. Doing so will allow your ex to be free and cool off once and for all.

Is your ex angry and bitter? What do you think is making your ex so annoyed. Let us know what you think in the comments below.

And lastly, if you need more answers and would like to discuss your ex’s anger with us, check out our coaching options and book a session with us.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Learn more about me or get in touch today.