Why Men Give The Silent Treatment After A Breakup?

Men give silent treatment after a breakup for many reasons. But the most common reason is that they’re hurting from the end of the relationship, feel victimized, and want time to themselves. They need to be left alone so they can process the breakup in ways that they need to and reach out when or if they’re ready.

No one likes being forced to do something they don’t want. Especially dumpers because they’re emotionally burnt out and want the breakup to end their suffering. If they can’t get space and stop suffering, they sometimes feel that they must do something drastic to shoo their ex away.

Something that hurts their ex and keeps their ex away permanently.

One thing you must understand is that dumpers (male or female) aren’t hurting the way dumpees are hurting. They aren’t dealing with separation anxiety, but rather with anxiety created by your presence. If they assume you want something from them, they get overwhelmed and think that the only way to deal with the problem is to show you they don’t want to communicate with you.

Some dumpers show they lack interest by getting angry and mean whereas others give silent treatments, block, and do whatever it takes to keep you at a distance. We can, therefore, conclude that dumpers give silent treatments after a breakup when they can’t and don’t want to stay in touch with their ex.

They’d rather stop feeling uncomfortable, guilty, and pressured than talk to you, be reminded of the bad times, feel the need to reach your expectations, and risk putting their life on hold and being unhappy.

Running away is many men’s coping mechanism. It’s their way of worrying only about themselves and forgetting about your wants and needs. By ignoring you and avoiding you like the plague, they can go through the breakup stages for the dumper and feel relieved and elated and be glad that they finally got some space.

That’s why you must be okay with men giving you the silent treatment after the breakup. You must let them do what they want because silence tells you that they’re emotionally incapable of communicating with you and that forcing them to communicate is going to make things worse.

It’s going to push them into a corner and bring out the worst in them. And you don’t want to find out what their worst side is like. If you end up seeing it, it’s going to further damage their respect for you and make it harder for you to love yourself and for them to love you.

The only thing you should do about men who give you the silent treatment after a breakup is to give them silent treatment back. I don’t mean that you should ignore them, but that you should play by their rules and also leave them alone and focus on yourself and other people.

Luckily as a dumpee, you don’t have to give your exes silent treatment. You just have to do a healthy version of that which is the no contact rule. This self-imposed rule won’t ignore your ex on purpose, but it will let you stay away from your ex and allow you to invest in yourself and those who love you.

I strongly encourage you to adhere to the rules of no contact so your ex doesn’t think you need him to survive. Thoughts like that could severely reduce his attraction to you.

In today’s article, we’ll discuss why men give silent treatments after a breakup.

Why men give silent treatment after a breakup?

Men give silent treatments because they don’t like the way your words and actions make them feel. They don’t like that you’re hurt and have expectations they can’t meet. That’s why they feel overwhelmed with negative emotions such as guilt, doubt, self-blame, anger, and resentment and want to be left alone.

It’s extremely important for them to get some space and time to think about their own life. Space can help them stop feeling smothered and give them a chance to see that their ex is worthy of kindness and respect.

Although they may not fall back in love with their ex, they can improve their perception of their ex with time. But they need to see that their ex respects herself and has enough going on in her life not to chase them.

Many dumpers eventually reach out to their ex. But they do that only if their ex leaves them alone and shows them she loves herself more than she loves them. It’s the thought that their ex doesn’t need them to be happy that makes them curious and encourages them to reach out to see what’s going on.

They typically don’t reach out if they know their ex will give them a hard time about the breakup. It’s safer for them to keep ignoring their ex and letting their ex take care of her own worries and problems.

So if you’re wondering why men give a silent treatment after a breakup, bear in mind that men don’t know how to handle the negative emotions created by the breakup. They lack understanding of breakups as well as their emotions and think that it’s perfectly acceptable for them to give their ex-partner silent treatment.

They think that their ignoring behavior can be justified by the pain and discomfort their ex has caused them before, during, or after the breakup.

Dumpers who ignore just don’t care or understand that their ex is suffering more than they are. They don’t know that their anger can’t be compared to their ex’s depression and separation anxiety. So in essence, they lack awareness and the maturity to respond to their ex and help her feel less rejected and anxious.

We could say that men who give the silent treatment after the breakup haven’t got a clue as to what they’re doing to their ex-partner. They never experienced that kind of treatment before, so they have to experience it themselves before they can understand it.

With that being said, here’s why men give silent treatments after a breakup.

What to do when men give you the silent treatment?

When a guy you like ignores your existence, you must do the following things.

1. Understand why he’s ignoring you. If you understand the reasons behind his actions, you won’t take it personally and react in impulsive ways. You should keep in mind that his actions have nothing to do with who you are as a person.
2. Act like it doesn’t bother you. By keeping your composure, you can prevent the guy from feeling unhealthy emotions and losing your value in his eyes.
3. Stop reaching out to him. Contacting a person who ignores you is not only disrespectful to you, but it’s also a waste of time. You won’t make the guy suddenly want to speak with you by reaching out on your terms. It doesn’t work that way. People build up interest when they don’t know what you think and feel and when you stay away from them and make them question their importance to you. It seems manipulative, but that’s the way it is.
4. Respond if he reaches out, but converse only about important things. Important things include children, mortgage, lease, personal belongings, and things that concern you both.

You’ve got to understand that a guy will keep giving you the silent treatment for as long as you’re trying to get something from him. And the things you could be trying to obtain are validation, attention, explanations, love, financial emotional/support, advice, and anything he took from you by breaking up with you.

So if you want to portray yourself in a positive light, don’t ask for things your ex isn’t interested in giving. Your ex isn’t the person who will willingly give you what you’re looking for. Some dumpers do help, but an ex who gives you silent treatment isn’t one of them.

He’s a guy who wants to enjoy his post-breakup freedom. You must let him or he could give you more than just the silent treatment. He could also insult you, block you, or try to ruin your reputation.

Will he come back after the silent treatment?

It’s hard to say if a guy will come back after giving you the silent treatment. One of many things that could determine his return is whether you stop doing what you’re doing. If you’ve been reaching out and getting mean or disinterested responses from him, that has likely made it more difficult for him to see your worth and want to come back.

To maximize your chances of “making him come back,” you must respond to silence with silence. That’s how you can show him that you’re putting yourself first and that you don’t need a man to complete you.

Typically, men respond to silence and distance in good ways as they feel respected and free to do what they want. Only the most insecure and vengeful dumpers get offended by it. But you don’t want to be with such people anyway. You want someone who misses you for the person you are.

So start no contact immediately.

Let your ex see that you understand what he needs to recover and that you’re ready to move on and enjoy your life again. That will leave the best impression on him as he’ll have the space to think and feel what he wants.

So once you’ve stopped making breakup mistakes, bear in mind that the guy will have to enjoy his freedom for a while. He’ll have to date other people and see if you were his best dating option. By comparing you to others, he’ll put himself in a situation in which he can regret breaking up with you or stay on the predetermined path.

No one knows how happy your ex will be in his new relationship, but you can expect him to treat his partner the same way as you. Sure, the guy will be infatuated at first and will treat his partner like a queen for a while, but once love wanes, he’ll turn back into the guy he’s always been.

This will happen about 3-4 months into the relationship and will determine whether they make it or break it. Although it’s possible your ex will reflect because of some other reason, he probably won’t do it randomly. He’ll need to fail big time and suffer a lot to engage in introspection.

Don’t expect him to fall back in love with you for no reason.

Did you learn why men give silent treatments after a breakup? Why do you think dumpers can be so mean and uncaring? Let us know in the comments section below.

And if you want to talk to us privately about your ex’s post-breakup behavior, click here to learn more about our coaching programs.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Learn more about me or get in touch today.