Why Is My Ex So Mean And Rude To Me?

If you’re having trouble understanding why your ex is mean and rude to you, you need to know that your ex no longer has your best interests at heart. Now that the breakup occurred, your ex welcomes negative emotions, beliefs, and thoughts into his or her system and no longer has to watch what he or she says.

Your ex can just ignore the past (everything you did throughout the relationship) and say what’s on his or her mind.

When an ex is mean and rude to you, it’s evident that your ex has lost feelings for you and detached. He or she has no more romantic expectations of you and is ready to react impulsively the moment you cross his or her boundaries. Your ex doesn’t have a problem with reacting impulsively because your ex isn’t trying to impress you and get back together with you.

All your ex wants is to get some space from you and see what life without you is like. If you don’t give your ex space or somehow remind your ex of the past, you immediately trigger your ex’s anger and see your ex act the way your ex acts when people annoy or disappoint him or her.

In others words, you bring out behaviors your ex had no reason to show you as long as your ex had love and plans for you.

Now that your ex is over you and disappointed with your behavior, your ex doesn’t need to hold back anymore. Your ex can just show you the real him/her without fear of being judged or getting broken up with.

You see, dumpers show who they are when they don’t need their dumpees anymore. That’s when they treat their dumpees like strangers (or worse) and try to cut them out of their lives as quickly as possible. If they get involved with someone else or if their dumpee begs and pleads for a second chance, that tends to smother them and make them feel even more guilty, so they get frustrated and say things that push dumpees away and protect them from feeling uncomfortable.

So if your ex is mean and rude to you, bear in mind that the relationship has ended and that your ex doesn’t want to hear things that make him or her feel pressured. Your ex wants you to back off so that he or she can feel relieved and in control of the post-breakup life.

This post will help you understand why your ex is mean and rude to you.

Why is my ex so mean and rude to me?

The reason your ex is mean and rude likely has something to do with your behavior. I’m not saying anything is wrong with it, but your ex can’t handle it because the breakup is fresh, and expects to deal with it alone.

If you keep telling your ex things and asking for favors, that’s not helping as you’re directly or indirectly asking for attention when you should be giving your ex the space he or she asked for. You should be leaving your ex alone so that your ex can breathe and let go of pent-up pre-breakup frustrations.

Dumpees who don’t step back and focus on themselves oftentimes see a mean and rude side of their ex. They see their ex react very poorly and wonder if they ever even knew their ex. The truth though is that they knew their ex. But they only knew the side of their ex that loved them.

They never got to know the side that felt smothered and lost interest in them. This means they were in for a surprise when their partner became their ex-partner and showed them how he or she deals with a situation he or she doesn’t want to be in.

Since dumpees are hurt and vulnerable, they normally take their ex’s mean and rude behavior much more personally than they would during an argument or disagreement in a relationship. They consider their ex’s words and actions to be extremely insensitive (which they often are) and try to figure out why their ex would say or do those things.

As I’ve mentioned before, dumpers don’t particularly enjoy hanging around after the breakup as they have better things to do. Sure, some want friendship or relationship benefits without commitment, but most just need some time to themselves so they can process the breakup and do the things they’ve been meaning to do.

If they feel their ex is in denial or trying to persuade them to come back, they immediately get angry and say rude things that repel their ex. By keeping their ex at a distance, they can avoid feeling pressured and not good enough.

With that being said, the picture below shows 5 reasons why your ex is so mean and rude to you after the breakup.

Don’t be rude to your ex back!

If you’re hoping to get back with your ex, you mustn’t be rude to your ex even if your ex is being super mean to you. Fighting fire with fire won’t make your ex respect you because it will anger your ex more and make your ex fight back. Soon, you’ll find yourself in a battle against your ex and blaming yourself for falling for your ex’s trap.

So if your ex is rude and mean to you, don’t react explosively. Instead, keep in mind that your ex is being rude for a reason and that understanding that reason could make a big difference in how you conduct yourself and how your ex perceives you.

It’s unlikely that tolerating mean behavior will make your ex regret being mean and want you back, but your ex will see that you’re not adding fuel to fire and ultimately, calm down. Your ex will see that you respect yourself and him/her and that you know when to step away from a bad situation.

Bear in mind that dumpees who fight with their exes seldom get an opportunity to mend their broken relationships. Most of the time, they annoy their exes so much that their exes develop even worse opinions of dumpees and stay even further away from them.

Only extremely forgiving and naive dumpers forgive dumpees for arguing with them and calling them mean things back.

So as long as you hope to get your ex back, don’t say or do something your ex won’t like. You may be in a lot of pain, and that makes you irritable and defensive, but you can’t be reactive just because your ex isn’t giving you the love and respect you crave. Reactiveness is going to lower if not destroy your chances of getting back together with your ex now and in the future.

It’s better to just walk away without confronting your ex. It takes strength to do that, but you have to do it even if your ex slept with your best friend and disrespected you in the worst way possible.

What to say and do when your ex is being rude?

The very first thing you should do is avoid conflict. You may be highly sensitive and ready to defend your beliefs, friends, family, ego, or pride, but you mustn’t quarrel with your ex. Ask yourself what’s arguing going to achieve? Did it ever help when you were dating your ex?

If you think back, you’ll probably realize that arguing made things worse. It hurt you and your ex and made you feel disrespected and desynchronized. Now that you’re an ex-couple, it’s going to make things a million times worse than back then.

You’re no longer in love, so arguing is going to be like arguing with a friend or acquaintance. Someone is probably going to cross the line and say something disrespectful and unforgivable. And that will destroy what is left of your relationship.

So instead of making things worse, tell your ex that you understand how you feel and step away from the situation. Go no contact and don’t say anything ever again. Depending on the damage you’ve done, your ex might eventually contact you and talk about random things.

That’s when you must tell your ex that you’ve been focusing on yourself and would like to keep doing that. Say that you’d appreciate it if he or she didn’t reach out anymore so that you can process the past. If your ex appears agitated, you can add that you have nothing against your ex but that not speaking helps you feel better.

An understanding ex will understand what you mean and promise not to reach out. Only an immature, vengeful, or mentally ill person will keep bothering you once you’ve asked for space and understanding.

If your ex fits in one of those categories and reaches out, you must firmly reiterate that you need space and that you’ll contact your ex if you’re ready to speak in the future. If that doesn’t work, you can say that you feel worse when your ex messages you and that you’ll have no choice but to block your ex the next time he or she reaches out.

That should be your final warning before you force your ex to stop reaching out. 3 instances of breadcrumbing are more than enough breadcrumbing. At some point, you need to push your ex away and prioritize your health and well-being.

Luckily, your ex probably won’t keep reaching out and picking fights with you. Your ex won’t have a reason to do that because your ex will be perfectly happy staying away from you.

It might be difficult to follow no contact if you live with your ex, work with your ex, or have kids with your ex. Situations that force you to communicate with your ex could also pressure your ex and make your ex feel uncomfortable. This depends on how you express yourself, how patient and mature your ex is, and how your ex perceives you.

So if you’re in (full) indefinite no contact, know that your ex most likely won’t be mean and rude to you. Your ex won’t look for trouble because your ex will focus on the new post-breakup life. Your ex will likely be mean if you still communicate or communicate in ways that remind your ex of the past and trigger his or her need to run for the hills.

My ex is mean to me, then nice

Nice and mean, hot and cold behavior indicates that your ex is looking after his/her own needs and that there are times when your ex feels pressured, uncomfortable, or disrespected by you. Your ex feels that you want something your ex can’t give you and that you’re not respecting his or her boundaries.

That’s when your ex gets mean and appears to be a different person. It probably takes your ex some time to cool off and be nice to you afterward.

Whatever the case may be, an ex who is nice to you one moment and mean the next is trying to stay cordial but can’t because he or she thinks you’re overstepping the limits. You’re taking the breakup lightly and don’t understand what your ex wants and needs from you.

You need to quickly learn what it is that your ex expects from you so that you can avoid angering your ex and making your ex hurt you in return. The quicker you understand your ex emotionally, the sooner your ex will feel better and be nice to you.

It’s a win-win for both, so figure out what your ex needs and then give that to your ex. Your ex’s reactiveness and your healing and happiness depend on it.

Are you still wondering why your ex is so mean and rude to you? Why do you think your ex would get angry all of a sudden? Let us know in the comments section below the article.

And if you’re looking for breakup coaching and want our help, click here to learn more about our services.

Zan

My name is Zan and I’m the founder of Magnet of Success. I enjoy writing realistic relationship and breakup articles and helping readers heal and grow. With more than 5 years of experience in the self-improvement, relationship, and breakup sphere, my goal is to provide advice that fosters positivity and success and avoids preventable mistakes and pain. Learn more about me or get in touch today.